Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I didn't go to Cedar Point with Michael and his friends today. I couldn't sleep last night; I just couldn't shut my brain off, and I was struggling through this massive panic attack. I was shaking and stressed out and it tied into my eating. My sister, who is tied into my eating disorder will be there at the park tomorrow. The last time I went to Cedar Point is when my stomach became paralyized. So tomorrow would see me facing some HUGE things in relation to my eating. I couldn't bring myself to eat anything and I was wigging out.

Michael did not take this well. He seems to have chilled since. Mark has been supportive. Michael has been supportive, but I disappointed him. If Mark can get tomorrow off of work he's going to drive us down and stay the day at Cedar Point with us, but if he can't he'll just drive me down there and drop me off at Michael's hotel. So I am still going (that's the plan). I just have to chill until then.

I'm thinking about going into therapy for my eating. I've been making really big strides in a lot of areas but it's happening so fast and my psyche is having trouble keeping pace. I've had 2 really big scary panic attacks in relation to all this; perhaps there's a medication for those? I don't know. But they really freak me out.

This didn't prevent me from getting still more new food stuffs to try today. I picked up some Romain Lettice Leaves...some Pecans (which Michael told me he likes, and which I've never had), and some Almond Milk - which is a non-dairy milk type stuff that I thought I could use in my shakes instead of Boost.

Mark took me to LC and they messed up Mark's order, only they didn't realize this until after we left, and Mark didn't notice until he was at work already; it was so bad he couldn't eat it. I called LC and set him up with a free replacement the next time he stops in. I guess we should have checked it when we were there. That's happened to me before too, and I used to always check my food but I've stopped doing it all the time. I feel responsible for not doublechecking his stuff.

I'm tempted to watch Watchmen as it's sitting right in front of me. Perhaps I will. I don't know.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:52 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [3 Comments]