Thursday, September 10, 2009

I cuddled with Michael until he left. It was like a ghost of a memory. Like the Michael I'd known had been dying since the revelations of his indiscretions and I was watching him take his final breaths. It was calm, yet sad, and painful. I kissed his chest and his face. I touched and smelled his skin.

I need time. I need time to get over the Michael I lost. Time to accept the Michael I just found out about if I can. Time to make peace with this torture. Time to find my joy again. Time will tell if I can ever find anything with this new Michael. I can't say what it is that I want right now, because I simply don't know. Time will tell.

When Michael got up, we stood and hugged goodbye. We kissed and he pushed for the kiss to be more and I turned away. I need time I said. Time to make myself sane. Time to think.

I marched the ghost of Michael downstairs and as he stood in the morning air of the doorway I hugged him again and kissed him goodbye. He told me, sadly, to take care of myself. "You too." And then I watched him walk away across the lawn, superimposed over an image of the first time I saw him in person, walking over that lawn to my door, and into my world.

I need time. I know that's what I need. I don't know what's to come. I don't know anything really.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:02 AM
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