Sunday, September 13, 2009

I chatted with Mark. I read more of my book. It was good to read again. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get back into this one, as it's kind of tied to Michael, but I've done it and I'm proud of that. I read about 40 pages I think. I love my new sheets and pillowes.

I showered and shaved. I left some facial hair. Don't know if I'll keep it. The shower was relaxing. I've been feeling better more often, but in the shower I had some pretty crappy memory stuff assail me. I'll get through this though. Each day it will get a little easier. Some days will be worse than others, in that I'll have set stuff aside and it will return, but I'll be stronger. I won't let this break me. I can't.

I might get a flu vaccine today, or if not today, sometime this week. I'll probably try some new stuff today. I have to keep up with that if I can.

Part of me would really like to visit Michael at his work today; he should be there by 2pm. My original thought on this was that he'll be working so we'd have to be more formal and there'd be a barrier of saftey about the whole encounter...yet I could still see him and I feel better everytime I talk to him. But his last sexual encounter took place in that vicinity less than a week ago. Part of me thinks I need to face that truth, and part of me wants to never return there. But I made it back to Cedar Point this year and conquered that fear...and I think this fear of revisiting places is kind of lame, and something I need to change about myself. The demons once faced may lose all their fearsome qualities, and free the thought from your mind forever. Like...movies and things that I associate with bad times...I just stay away from them...but I think in the end I'm just hurting myself because I'm giving those places and things power that they don't have on their own. Easier thought, than believed; easier said than done. But that's just how the truth is.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:21 PM
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