Thursday, September 24, 2009

Left for Michael's around 7:30pm I think. Made it there in one piece. Michael had gotten a hair cut; he looked really good. He and David were playing Bash Blocks on Wii; I watched for a long time before Michael took a call and then I played for him before a neighbor girl brought us another controller so Michael, David & I could all play. It was fun.

Before I left we talked about the past some more, and I was fine. Except one thing he said tied into another thing in my brain and then suddenly I was grieving for the old Michael again. I have moments like that which are terrible. But my happiest moments come around Michael too. The sad moments are when I've forgotten what he did to me and then I'm reminded and it all comes flooding back. The happy moments are when I see him with none of that attachment and delusion. Another sign that it's important to grieve for what's been lost and to embrace what's been found.

On the drive to Mark's work I got yet another headache. I didn't want to take my Midrin though because I was driving so I toughed it out until I got there and then took them right away. Everything for next hour or so was annoying and painful.

Michael texted me while I was driving. Sweet sorrowful words. We're in pain, he and I, wanting to make it work, wanting to see the happy ending...but it will take time. Which sucks beyond the telling of it.

Mark & I went to Meijer. Got stuff. Ran into Aimee, a former Hollywood customer which was nice, except the pain in my head was really getting to me. About half way home Michael called me, but thankfully by that time my meds had dulled the pain. We spoke and then texted and then spoke again. Michael doesn't like seeing me in pain and wants to stop the hurting by leaving, but the thing I try to get across to him is that I'll hurt just as much (if not worse) without him...he just won't be around to see it.

I passed out after the last call, around 1am. I woke up around 7:30am. Read the news. Wrote this. Will try to sleep some more.

Michael should be coming over tonight after he gets out of work at 6pm.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:08 AM
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