Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My followup at the hospital went well on Tuesday. They say everything looks great. I can drive again, but on orders to not lift anything for 2 more weeks. They also said that even when I start to lift that I should be very careful.

I didn't sleep until after noon on Tuesday. I was so exhausted. My jaw still hurt. So many things troubling me lately.

Oh. And I had a Michael Freak Out when I realized that his new phone is really a computer with internet he carries in his pocket. It's not that I think he'll use it for evil, but I know his older self would and I can't help but think that I didn't think he'd do anything bad with his phone before... But I also felt paranoid and crappy for having to be the jalous paranoid boyfriend that I've always struggled to never let myself be in the past. When I talked to him about it on the phone he sounded pissed and I hung up on him and went to sleep.

He came over later and was upset that I wouldn't talk to him about it, but I didn't know what to say. As Anya would say, I didn't ask to be all crazy! He made me this way! And I can't help it if it took me 5 months to trust him before, that it's most likely going to take at least that long now that I know that I should have trusted my instincts and not trusted him at all. It's so complicated and I'm broken on so many levels...yet I don't want to give up. He's probably exchanging his phone on Saturday, unless I change my mind. Because I hate being the paranoid boyfriend. I hate it. I don't want to be THAT person.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:14 AM
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