Friday, October 23, 2009

Yesterday i made an 'appointment' to leave another sample at the doc's to do a urine culture and check for STD's that might have been missed. I slept. I went to Michael's. Realized the ring I've been wearing with pride was given when he was sleeping around and hello to the pain. I gave him the ring back, which hurt, as I loved that ring so much. I thought it meant something. Maybe he'll give me another one someday. We sort of imploded in the end there. When I left. When I got to Mark's work. When we got home. We're on a break, Michael and I, so that I can heal. He thinks I won't want him after I'm done. I think he'll have moved on and won't want me anymore. I want to live my life with him, I just can't do that while skipping the healing process. It hurts to be bereft of him.

I have the new SJA and THE PLAN, but don't feel like watching either. I feel numb. I feel scared. I don't want to lose him. And nothing seems to matter now. I know that it does. I know that razors won't help. I know that this has to happen if there's a chance, but it sucks. I hate that he did this to us. I hate that he put an STD inside me. I hate that he took my terrifyingly given trust and broke me into pieces. I hate that I love him so much.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:58 AM
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