Friday, October 30, 2009

My jaw just locked AGAIN. And I've heard nothing from the people who are supposed to help me with this, despite my info being faxed to them, and my leaving them a message on Wednesday. Ow. It was fine 10 minutes ago and now? Goddamn it.

Yesterday I went to the dermatologist to find out about my Vitiligo, as it's been spreading, and I was worried about it spreading to my face and becoming something I had to worry about people seeing. Turns out it's already all over the majority of my face and I'm so pale that you can't really see it. That's good because I don' thave to worry about that...except that it's very bad and so I'm not supposed to go into the sun without sunblock on. Ever. Now I stress about being in the sun.

So I found out last night that this pair of underwear / shorts that Michael often wears was bought for him by 1 of his previous lovers (years before me), and he was worried I'd be upset, but I wasn't because I don't care where he got his clothes so much as who he wears them for. That made me laugh. But then last night it hit me, like these things always hit me, that he hooked up with at least 13 other men when we were dating, and he didn't just show up naked; he dressed for them, in clothes from his closet, wanting to look sexy for them, the way he does for me; those clothes that I like on him may have been worn for other men while we were a couple. This hurt. I cried.

I was ok after awhile. Except now my jaw is locked again. I'm so sick of this shit. I'm so sick of being in pain all the time.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:19 AM
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