Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I was so crabby yesterday. Everything was frustrating me. It didn't help that Michael & I fought about his family not wanting me for their Christmas day (this Sunday). It's been so long since I've had to deal with anti-gay familial politics that I find I've lost all stomach for it. It's disgusting. It's hurtful. They are hurting me. I think much of my frustration with the day was because I let their bigoted decision and Michael's inaction hurt me. But I think that's understandable; I mean, I have several interactions with Michael's relatives in the past, including his mom & dad and sisters and niece, so this random insult hurts more because it wasn't expected. And if this is a 'Christian' thing to them, someone should tell them that they got the fucking thing wrong - do they really think Jesus would have asked that I not be there? Serously? He used to hang out with prostitutes and corrupt tax men. He taught by example, not exclusion. This is just homophobic bullshit. Of course it hurts more because Michael is mostly going along with it. If he can't stand up for the man he claims he wants to marry, then that's his problem. I understand why he's not doing more, because he doesn't want to risk losing his family, or time with his sisters and niece - but it's still frustrating that the situation even exists. It's not right. Ugh. It's not right. And it's not Christian. And it's certainly not in the Christmas spirit.

We managed to find out my dad is ok, or at least he's alive. I'm supposed to get a call from him this morning, but it hasn't happened yet. He's been hanging out at Abe's Coney Island, just like he always has done. Hope to see him soon.

Michael later decided that he wanted some alone time, which actually helped my mood. It helped center me a bit I think. And in a few hours time I was back to being myself, or what I think of as myself. The only odd thing was first brought up by Michael, but then lingered in my mind when it was revealed that Michael would be home alone for the night - which was that he later said he was bored, tired and horney - and that he was lonely - which made me wonder if he wasn't testing himself, to see if he could deal with those feelings while being on his own, without giving in to having sex with another guy. By all accounts he seems to have succeded and if that was his intent, and if that's the case I'm very proud of him.

Shortly after Michael left he called me to ask about parking at UofM Hospital, telling me his father's sister Suezanne was being transferred there. She has cysts on her liver and she was hemmoraging. I asked Michael if he wanted me to go with him, but he said no. This reminded me that seeing me (Michael's GAY BOYFRIEND) with Michael might upset Michael's family, bringing up more feelings from our earlier argument, leaving me feeling helpless and unwanted. But I told him I'd be there if he needed me, and gave him the info he required. It turned out she wasn't at the hospital yet anyways, so Michael headed home, though he later spoke to her.

Mark went with me to see if we could find dad last night, but when that was a bust we went to Michael's to pick up my Doctor Who and chat a bit, then visited Chris, and then Carrie. I also got to talk to Janice & Jordan on the phone. Going to Chris & Bryan's place was sort of painful, as it's less than a block from where Michael cheated on me with a guy back on August 21st; and as the parking for that guy's place is so weird, it's possible Michael even parked where we did. I tried not to let it bother me, but it's tough. I returned "Lost Season 4" to Chris and loaned her BSG 4.5, with The Plan & The Face of The Enemy included. Going to Carrie's helped my mood a bit. She lives really close to where I've had several adventures in my life, including meeting my dad's current common-law-wife Jan, going out to eat with a one night stand back in August 2006, running into this guy I liked on the street, Elvis & Anthony's house...the list goes on; happy or odd memories helping to soothe the recent painful past. Carrie looks great; she has this neat haircut that reminds me of Sharon & Susan's cuts in the original Parent Trap - which pleased her when I mentioned it, as we both love that movie. We stayed and chatted with her a bit. I had a really bad headache though so we headed home around 8:30pm.

When we got home, I harvested my farm, chatted with Michael, and went right to sleep.

I woke up around 5am. There were some texts from Michael asking me if I could visit his Aunt Suezanne at UofM Hospital today, as none of the family has the time to visit today. I said yes, I'd gladly do that. It makes me feel good that I can do this thing for this woman, who wants to see me, who is a part of Michael's family. It's intersting to me that while Michael's parents don't want me at their Christmas celebration (which includes only people I've already met on several occasions and never had a negative word for), I'll be going to the hospital to visit with (and hopefully spread some cheer to) Michael's father's sister, whom I've never even met before. You'd think that I was the Christian and not them. Odd.

Anyways, after some exchange of texts I tried to get back to sleep but it just wasn't happening. I got up for a bit. Eventually jacked off and showered. And finally sleep took me again. I woke up around 8:30am. I read some news, and took care of my farm. Facebook seems to be messed up today. I have that appointment at 1:30pm. I'm craving a shake, but not sure I should risk it...we'll see.

Oh. And I read something of a spoiler for next season of Doctor Who - confirmation of something I'd read about a month ago. Anyone who doesn't want to know this should look away now.

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The Weeping Angels (from "Blink") are coming back! As was previously reported, River Song will also be returning, and if the reports I've read are true, then River Song actually appears in a 2-parter featuring the Weeping Angels. I'd read several details that seemed to suggest the return of these monsters, but hadn't dared to believe they were true. Cool.

I have an odd pain (more a discomfort really) in my side. I hope it's not something to worry about.

It's cold in my room, which is rare.

I've not read my book in several days; I should get back to that sometime today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:06 AM
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