Monday, December 26, 2005

Saturday was mostly horrible. I don't know if it was holiday blues, or what, but I was just freaked out all day. When I did finally make it out to my Grandmother's I was disturbed by a lot of what I saw, and realized that I don't really like a good assortment of my relatives, which I've never really given a lot of thought to. I did however get to see my nephews, and my niece, and Grandma & Grandpa, and Janice, and Aunt Marge's whole family. Jamie didn't even say hello to me; I said hello to Heather and she was clearly disgusted, as was her preacher husband. I only get a few presents a year, because I have a bad track record with Christmas, and I just sort of dropped out of the entire holiday, but my Mother has found that I enjoy cups with Elephants on them, because of a childhood cup that I had. This year she gave me an Elephant with a Jason cup - which made me smile ;-0) I got money from my grandma, per usual, which I've already spent on other people. And the wife of a cousin that I had a long lasting sexual relationship with, gave me a pillow she made that said "God Bless America - Support Our Troops!" - and instead of handing it back to her, and saying something about how I don't believe in god, and I don't support the current war, though I'm not upset with the troops themselves - AND I wouldn't be caught dead with such a pillow in my home - I just took it and smiled, and then left it under my grandmother's bed - which was childish, and I just...I was so not myself. I had a fun conversation with Chris White, Janice, Mark, Katie & Jonathan. ;-0) There were moments I enjoyed, but mostly I just wanted to leave, which hasn't happened since I lived there about a decade ago. When we left, I went over to say hello to my mother's dog, and she tried to bite me. The dog is mean; it's kept outside on a chain - which is really horrible. My family doesn't take care of pets - and yet they have a ton of them - it has really turned me off to pets, and my family at the same time.

But, my Mother makes beautiful beadwork; just really creative stuff!!! And I remember being so close with my cousins when we were little; Heather & I used to ride rides together at the fair, and at amusement parks, and now she doesn't talk to me at all. It's just...sad...and yet we're so different now that we probably wouldn't like each other very much if we did talk. Ugh.

When Mark & I got home we watched Dawson's Creek, and it felt so good to be at home with him, in our little haven. I told him how much I loved him, and thanked him for getting me out there when I was a kid. It was nice.

Sunday I knew I worked at 7pm, and that I could probably dress casual to work because it was a holiday - and yet I still wasn't feeling up to snuff. I was still feeling the negative effects of Christmas Eve. I knew it would be fine, because DJ had told me that we closed early, at 10pm, so my shift was only like 3 hours long, and then we'd close the store and put out the new movies, because they're coming out on Monday this week, which I don't quite understand. I made plans with Mark to watch more Dawson's Creek when I got home around 11pm. But when I got to work, they said we closed at midnight, which pissed me off to no end. Nate called DJ to confirm this, and Nate said that DJ said that he didn't remember telling us we would close at 10pm, but I know he told me & Bryan, and when Heidi came in to close the store, she said that DJ had also told her that we were closing at 10pm. I was so pissed off. It wasn't like 2 more hours were going to kill me, but I was in such a foul mood, and I had been telling myself that it would only be 3 hours and then I could be with Mark, watching Dawson's Creek. I must have looked like I was going to kill. Nate said he'd close for me, and that he could use the money, and so I left a little after 10pm.

There was a message on my phone from Jonathan Lanius; I called him back when I got home, but he was driving, and he asked me to call him back in a few minutes, which I did. I was feeling a bit spacy because I'd taken a few Midrin at work, but it was nice to hear from him, only my overly negative weekend wasn't over. Jonathan was calling to wish me happy christmas, but he also told me his Grandfather died on Thursday, and that he & Shawn broke up just before that. It was all very depressing, though I assured him that I do want to keep in touch with him, and that Mark, Mollie & I all would like to be his friends - and that we would all, of course, remain friends with Shawn too. It was a nice conversation, but it left me feeling sad for both of them.

I told Mark the news, and he agreed that Jonathan was cool and that we'd remain friends with him. We continued with Dawson's Creek. I had some food to help with my drug induced haze, but it sort of made it worse. The show made me cry, but I felt like I was crying for everything that had happened this weekend. Before Mark went to bed he said some odd things about how a relationship like ours, is something that he would never wish on anyone - which struk me as offensive, considering that he tells me he loves me all the time, and I do the same to him; we're there for each other, and we support each other - and I even attempted to get back together with him, which he didn't accept - so I'm not sure what he means... It's kind of bothering me. erg. And people talk about how our relationship is so unique, and so cool...what did Mark mean? He didn't explain.

I watched "Spin The Bottle"; I only meant to watch one scene, but then I watched it all, and Mark is going to watch it tomorrow so we can finally talk about it. I hope Shawn is ok. I hope Jonathan is ok. I hope I'm ok. Oh. Mark & I are going to see Janice and her family on New Year's Eve - that's when I was going to give them their gifts - but I'm not sure they'll even be here before Saturday. Also, Jonathan & Shawn are having a final party together that night, before they go their seperate ways, and J really wants us to be there. I'll have to figure out how this is going to work.

I'm tired. Maybe I'll get some sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:02 AM
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