Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Got lots done on Monday. Michael stayed Monday night, which didn't go as well as we'd hoped it would, but it got better as it went. Just as he was getting ready to leave my dad showed up at the front door. Michael left shortly afterward.

Seeing my dad was nice, but filled with all kinds of emotion. I've always thought that my father was just crazy and you just accepted that and went on with your day...but I'm starting to suspect that he has moments where he understands that he's crazy most of the other time and feels bad about it. I saw several moments of clarity yesterday and spoke to him during one, and he told me that he's proud of me...that he can see that I'm like him, that I get lost but that I always find my way out and that's something he could never do. This made me cry a lot, because he's right. I often feel like I'm losing my mind, like I'm getting lost in my own head but I've always managed to find my way back to the world. My father never did. And this terrifies me. And here was my father saying he was proud that I have. It was very emotional for me. And after I dropped him off I went to Michael's so he could hold me while I cried. He made me feel better. I came home, and went to bed soon after, sleeping for nearly 12 hours.

I need to eat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:08 AM
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