Saturday, February 13, 2010

After the last entry I drove over to Michael's and quietly slipped into bed with him. He sleepily asked me why I was there, and I explained that while I turned down his offer to be boyfriends again because nothing has changed, that I was there for the very same reason: nothing has changed. I still love him. I still hope for a future together. I still want to spend time with him. Nothing has changed. Only it has, because he's been a bit distant since then. And while he hasn't been cruel, he's just been different. He left that afternoon around 2:30pm, with me following soon after. I left him a note that said I Love You. I drove home, stopping at Kroger for some groceries. I ate. I slept. I didn't go to the bar as I suspected I would. I talked to Michael on the phone later and that was slightly better until I got a text from a guy I've been chatting with, which I think upset Michael, as he no longer felt like talking. Later I talked to the other guy (Jason is his name) on the phone. He's nice. He's 31; he got outed last year, though he's been comfortable with who he is for a few years. He has 2 brothers; older and younger; I think both have kids. His parents are both pastors. He works at a hospital. It was just a nice, friendly conversation...something that shouldn't be anything at all, only I did feel slightly guilty afterward; like I had betrayed Michael somehow - which given all the men he's stuck his dick inside of since he met me, is insane! Yet it was there. I spazzed and called him and told him about the guy and told him I loved him, but he didn't feel like talking so I let him go.

I spent Saturday morning catching up on Smallville, watching 7 hours of the mostly fantastic 9th Season. Smallville is a strange show in that it's entertaining, and I enjoy it, and yet I have a hard time recommending it to anyone, as it's kind of stupid at the same time. It's not like that all the time; sometimes it's really, really enjoyable, but you have to put up with a lot to get to those points. I remember Season 5 feeling a bit weak, but then the show was much improved in Season 6. Season 7 was nearly unbearably bad in my opinion, and though I kept watching, I hoped that it would be cancelled. But then Season 8 was my favorite so far (despite it having a really disappointing finale), and Season 9 has (mostly) continued the greatness of Season 8 IMO; even taking storylines I disliked in the past (Zod) and giving them a fresh spin - and introducing still more DC superheroes and making them work. It's been a great run, but I'm hoping they get a 10th Season; the story calls for it.

I slept. I woke up around 2pm and called Michael who was on his way to work; he usually calls me around then, but was busy thinking of how to talk to his boss about a transfer; I let him go, but he seemed so distant again; I hope he's ok. I had some really cool, really odd, really sexual, yet amusing dreams, about going to church with some friends (and a cathedral in the Meijer parking lot) before spending time at the home of friends, who offered me gay porn in sweet Mary Poppins like tones. lol. It was funny, and I woke up cheered by the thoughts. I farmed. I texted Michael & Jason (the latter having texted while I was asleep). I wrote this and texted some more. I spoke to Mark briefly and took my prilosec. I'm gonna eat, and shower and shave. I might get Michael a card / rose and take it with me to his apartment tonight (he's my valentine), when I take him the latest bill for my bite guard, and his latest (2) tv discs which feature new (or new-to-him) episodes of Heroes, Lost, Pushing Daisies, Smallville, Spartacus & Vampire Diaries.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:01 PM
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