Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Had a long conversation last night with Josh G. I don't want to discuss the details here where anyone could read it. Suffice it to say, he said he was sorry for how he treated me way back in 1998...he's going through a crisis that's been building for years, and he needed someone to talk to. I forgave him a long time ago and was honored to be the someone that he turned to. I hope things work out for him.

After the long conversation the grocery store was closed so I couldn't go there. My headache was gone but my stomach felt weird so I stayed in. I talked to Mollie about True Blood and Doctor Who. I slept.

I woke around 9am with the headache back and my stomach in knots. I took my reglan / prilosec / midrin together with food and went back to sleep. I woke around 11am. Talked to Michael online (he's been working on his farm) and then on the phone. I told him about talking to Josh and Mollie. Michael is jealous of Josh now. I've basically been with Micahel for 14.5 months (and I love him so much) and in that time I've never cheated on him...yet he's always threatened when I have any kind of connection with any other man in any kind of way. It hurts me. It annoys. And it's always been an issue. Things happen that I think are wonderful and then comes and shits all over it. First time it was that my friend Willie was in town after not seeing him for like 13 years - Michael got upset that I went to see him at the bar (on my way to the emergency room to see Mollie) and Michael had already fucked 2 other guys (and then me too) that day! Then an ex-bf of mine found out he was HIV+ and I wanted to visit him...Michael got jealous again. If a guy looks at me Michael's upset. If I hang out with a guy Michael's upset. I know it's an issue having to do with Michael's past and the way he's been treated...it just feels like I'm not making any progress with him. And the thing is, these guys I'm connecting with are telling me all these really positive things about me that I need to hear and that makes me wonder why I'm not hearing those things from Michael...or why he's not excited that I'm happy about those things - like my new friend Charles, and now Josh have both encouraged me to get back to my writing...only Michael seems to think that's a bad idea or something. Erg.

Anyways...I'll see him later. He told me he feels alone. It's only been 4 days since I saw him last, and I've not been feeling well. And he could have come to see me in that time and I would have been fine with that. I'm shutup about that now.

So...I did the dishes and put them away. Put away some of my laundry. Did the farm thing...which I have to do again soon. I need to get groceries later and see Michael. I'd like to get all kinds of things done...yet I'm tired. I cleaned up my room a bit; made the bed and picked up the dirty clothes and trash.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:08 PM
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