Sunday, July 18, 2010

Hung out with Michael last night. When I got there he was asleep on the couch so I went to the bedroom and slept a bit too. When he got up we watched DS9's "Soldiers of the Empire", "Children of Time", "Blaze of Glory", "Empok Nor", "In the Cards" & "Call to Arms". We then watched Voyager's "Worst Case Scenario", & "Scorpion, Parts I & II". I napped on and off throughout the episodes but fell right to sleep when we went to bed after (around 5am), having exchanged maybe 10 sentences with him the entire time.

I woke early; around 9am. I got up and played online, read news and such. Went back to bed and noticed my hand twitching; a possible sign of a condition caused by my meds. I've had random twitches before, and several nightmares about getting this condition...both because it's usually permanent...and because it would mean I'd have to stop taking my Reglan and not be able to keep food down any longer. That, mixed with the odd feeling of being more alone in Michael's company had me sobbing. I cried several times throughout the day.

I joined Michael in the shower when he got ready for work (around 1:30pm) and it was like there was an emotional wall between us, even stripped of clothing. He had an erection and I stroked him off from behind him, crying as I did so, though he didn't know. It was... I was feeling so much, but feeling so alone...like I'd lost so much.

After the shower we watched Voyager's "The Gift" and then we both left; he to work and I back to the condo. I talked to Mark about everything. I'd called him from Michael's apartment that morning to tell him of my fears. He said that he had cried earlier thinking about it. I cried again as I spoke to him.

I later spoke to my new friend Shawn on the phone as Mark drove us to Meijer and then Whole Foods. Shawn is cute, and he's funny, and I'm getting to know him which is nice. I don't know if we'll stay friends, or if there's chemistry there for something else? It's hard to say, but I'm guessing no, and I'm just gonna pursue the friendship. Friends are good. If there's something more there then it will happen, and if not, I'm not worried about it. I let him go so I could shop at Whole Foods.

I got some Kiwis, Strawberries, Vegan Cheese, fries, soy cream, vegan chips - that might be all. I can't remember and I'm TIRED.

I've just been playing on the computer since I got home. I should call Shawn back. I might try to watch an episode of Six Feet Under before I pass out.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:45 PM
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