Monday, July 19, 2010

I can't stop crying. I was fine. I had been depressed for several months and I then I was fine when I met him. And I wasn't looking. I was content on my own. But he pursued me. A fun date and a one night stand and I was fine, and he kept coming back. And he told me he wanted to marry me. And the whole time he was fucking around. Not just with 1 guy. Not just 1 time. And I gave him another chance. And another. And another. And I feel so fucking stupid. Why do I hurt like this? I should be happy. But I don't want to lose him as a friend either...like, if we take the sexual componant out, then he can't hurt me that way anymore...only it still does and I can't figure out why. Why does it hurt me?

And I was going to make everything better by getting back to eating and taking care of myself...only now...without my meds...I don't think that's possible anymore. I cry every fucking day lately...and Mark helps me...and Michael tries...and I have good moments where I think I might be better and then it hits me all over again. I don't know what to do.

Except I have to get dressed and go to my MRI appointment.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:27 AM
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