Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Shawn came to visit with me on Sunday. We played playstation games, cuddled and had The Sex, which was nice. He had to leave shortly after so he could sleep before work.

Monday morning I went to Target to visit Shawn. Then went to Whole Foods and Little Caesars where I got food for me & Mark. We separately but almost simultaniously watched the new True Blood episode (3x10 I Smell a Rat) which was good. I chilled most of the day as my tummy has been bothering me again, and I was throwing up.

I made sure to call Janice. Monday was her 40th Birthday.

Michael called later and wanted to know if I could cuddle with him. I told him I'd let him know. I continued to chill and all was well. I did end up going to Michael's where we talked about Shawn, Tom, Jonathan (who'd shared a private conversation between him & I with Michael) and his sex life. We cuddled and talked about more serious stuff. He says he's still in love with me and misses me and wants to be with me, but I'm pretty sure that he lied about some stuff too. Got some sleep. Michael left for work around 6am and I left soon after, stopping at Meijer & Busches on the way home. I hadn't eaten anything to give my stomach a break but bought some veggie cheese for an omellete.

I brought in the mail and Mark was playing poker. He told me that Chris & Brian (whom Mark slept with like 11 years ago) were having a party this Friday and we were invited. Lots of flashbacks in my head. Mark sleeping with them wasn't an issue; we were separated at the time after I had cheated on him and he had every right to do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted...only when we got back together we continued to see these guys, with one of them showing me quite a bit of contempt and getting off on my suffering...and eventually told me things that led to Mark & I breaking up forever. At the time I tried to ignore such things because I wanted Mark to have friends - he even said he didn't want to spend any time with them and that he never wanted to see them again but I insisted because Mark doesn't make friends easily...which is true, but if I could back in time I'd have let him forget them, because I feel I was victimized by that situation. My stomach is all in knots now and I haven't eaten in more than 12 hours...which is good cause I'd be puking now but...well, the omelette I just shopped for is NOT a good idea now. :-0(

Ugh. I'm letting this all get to me. I need to relax. I need to just calm the fuck down.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:59 AM
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