Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Monday night I went to Michael's and watched some Ally. Talked and stuff, but couldn't sleep there so I headed home. I didn't get to sleep unril around 5:30am. I woke up around 10:30am on Tuesday. I had to get up and rush though I only wanted to sleep. I was 20 minutes late arriving at Abe's in Ypsi to meet my father who was nowhere to be found despite me waiting for 40 minutes; only his coffee cup remained, and the assurances of the wait staff that he was there only a moment ago. They also said that my father had waited over an hour, which means he was there considerably early. I left him a note saying I was sorry about the delay (there was construction) and left phone numbers for me, Mark & Janice (who opted out as she's sick with a dreadful cold). I was very disappointed in my day what with the lack of sleep and not even seeing my father for my troubles. I had planned, with Mark, to attempt to get some good photographs of my father that day so I was very sad about the lost opportunity.

I came home and took a brief nap. Later that night I got a text from Michael letting me know that a boy that likes to suck him off ("Jay") had contacted him about hooking up and Michael wanted to know my thoughts, as he'd confessed to me the other day that he was in love with me and not interrested in other men. I told him to go ahead and do it; that it didn't bother me if he got a blowjob...but then the idea came up that I could watch which turned me on a lot...only after a bit it turned how the guy didn't want to be watched...and Michael let me go to have sex with him (though I had been trying to suggest he say no and we find a more willing candidate), leaving me high and dry.

I went to Michael's and talked to him after I'd calmed down. I told him I didn't care if he had sex with other people. And I don't. We're not a couple. I love him, and want him to be happy and satisfied...and I want those things for myself too. And our complex relationship took another turn. I'm not sure how to express what happened...it's almost a blur in my mind, but our odd friendship which features elements of love and lust and deception is continuing to evolve. Do I see us ending up together like the couple I once imagined us to be? Not at all. That dream was ruined, and the man I dreamed about wasn't even real. This is something else. Perhaps a friendship more akin to the one I share with Mark, yet completely different. I just mean to say that my friendship with Michael is crossing several lines that most of my friendships do not, and the only other person this is true of in my experience is Mark. Michael and I are attempting to forge something alltogether different, yet just as rare and complicated.

It should also be noted that several lies that he's told me in the past several months came to light and Michael has openly told me truths that he needed have done...which I appreciate. Honesty can be difficult, but lies almost always hurt so much more. Besides, the truth turns me on. And I look forward to being aroused by many truths to come if I can be.

After tucking Michael in to bed, though I was tired, I picked up Shawn Walker and took him to Aut Bar. He's been having a very rough time of it lately and I'm constantly busy and these few hours were (despite my need of sleep) the best I could come up with. We had a nice visit, seeing several friends at the bar. We then came back to the condo where I made us some food and introduced him to Absolutely Fabulous :) Later Mark drove us all out to Benny's Bakery where I treated us all to doughnuts, before we dropped Shawn off and headed home.

I harvested my Farm Town. I slept a bit, cuddled with Mark. Later he showed me some computer stuff. I jacked off. I showered. I watched Tuesday night's Glee ("Duets") & Caprica ("Retribution"); I enjoyed both to a degree - I think Mollie would REALLY like that Glee episode!

Speaking of Mollie, she had to put her pet down to end it's suffering. She's depressed. This worries me.

Also, my ex-gf Jennifer has admitted herself into a hospital because of depression. She was on two anti-depressants but they weren't working for her.

Also, Shawn is DEPRESSED. Michael is going through money, work & home drama; he's moving within the next 2 weeks to live with his grandmother.

Mark's estranged yet dear friend was discovered to have died a long while back without Mark's knowledge...

I think I mentioned that I learned that my friend Preston died in July; I found out last Friday.

Lots of darkness swirling about.

Michael should be heading over soon; he's gonna sleep with me here; he has tomorrow off.

My copy of "A Lion Among Men" arrived today and I've begun rereading "Wicked".

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:23 PM
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