Friday, November 11, 2011

Where to start?

Monday was horrible. Picking up Mark he suggested that I
live in Gen's place while she takes up residence in my
home with my Mark and my room and my things while I'd
be living in her old place an hour away from my closest
friends and even further from my family...isolated from
from friends, family and therapy. Ugh. I was so
overwhelmed with pain...I ended up cutting myself. When I
picked up the knife I wanted to die. When I wrote my
suicide note I was bleeding on my keyboard. And when I
saw friends commenting on the note (which didn't
mention that I'd be dying) I stopped cutting. I just have
two deep scratches in my arm...but feel a lot better. My
family & friends know so I'm not isolated. And it was this
event which confirmed that I need to get the fuck out. I
saw Ilyssa later but I was very out of it.

Tuesday I took pictures of my nephew Justin for his senior
pictures which went really well. I got to see my sister
Janice's entire family, my parents, my younger sister and
her husband, and my grandparents. I gave my mom her
birthday present (her birthday was Monday). My dad gave
me a cool neclace and a great hug. My little sister, who's
kept her distance from me for years talked to me for
about an hour. It was great. But I was sad too. So much is
changing so fast.

Tuesday night I went to Aut Bar with Aaron to watch him
sing and then went out for food with him and his friends,
including Wes, who said he needed a tennant. And just
like that I met the guy I'd be living with. Mark & I went out
and saw the house (in Ypsi) on Wednesday - the rent is in
the price range I was given (and is actually like $175.00
less than what I was told I could get), including
utilities...and has a washer and dryer...my room will be
smaller than it was but there's plenty of room for my
things and I might get rid of a lot. Also, I have my own
bathroom - and did I mention that my roomies seem really
cool?

Thursday I moved some stuff over there (with Mark &
Ilyssa) and got my house key. I'm both excited...and
extremely depressed about all of this. I need to be
completely moved out by a week from tomorrow.
November 19, 2011. I met Mark on December 19, 1995,
and have barely been away from him since; not a bad run I
suppose. We used to celebrate the 19th every month as
our monthly anniversary. Ugh.

I stayed in last night. I felt like I might be coming down
with a cold but I feel a bit better now. I miss Aaron. I've
not seen him since Wednesday night. Tonight will be 3
weeks since I met him...and though we're taking things
relatively slow, we consider ourselves a couple. He's
actually best friends with one of my roomies and lived
with the other one so that's conveniant, if a bit odd.

I need to get stuff done. I hate that stuff is so
disorganized here. I want to clean and pack and possibly
write.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:40 PM
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