Tuesday, June 7, 2011

So Monday was pretty horrible. I keep drifting in and out
of depression. There are moments when I think everything
is ok...and then I come crashing down again. I pick myself
up...and then...I don't know.

It doesn't help that everytime I make plans lately I have to
cancel them because Mark has plans with Gen. It's
seriously happened like 5 times now or something.
Tonight it was nearly comical. He asked me if I knew
where 'Lilo & Stich' was, and the reason that it wasn't on
the shelf where it usually is, was that I'd taken it to my
room earlier when I found out he was going to see Gen
tomorrow - something to watch while remember the good
Jason / Mark days - only he had made plans to watch that
EXACT movie with her. Ugh. I nearly lost it. I really nearly
lost it. This is after that horrible weekend where she
ruined the whole thing, and then me cancelling my plans
on Sunday so that Mark could see her, and me cancelling
my plans this Friday because he's going to see her, and I
later told him that the next time I have plans I get to have
my plans because it shouldn't be this one sided. I'll
probably never watch 'Lilo & Stitch' ever again as it is. :*(

Anyways, Mark is grumpy too. And tired. And we keep
bitching and then hugging it out. I just wish there was a
way I could deal...only all the things I do to deal with stuff
seems impossible to me right now. I honestly feel
hopeless a lot of the time. And I don't know what to do to
stop feeling hopeless.

I DID however figure out some stuff related to my
Complete BSG project so I should be able to work on some
Caprica in the next few days. Also, Mark was nice enough
to take the time to convert some Doctor Who FLV files for
me so I have them as AVIs now.

I feel tired and stressed and I don't like it. I'd go to Necto
but I feel like staying in and crying. Like...I don't want to
deal with people. Mark asked me the other day if I'd feel
better if I had a boyfriend but I don't think I would...I
honestly don't think I could handle one at the moment...I
get horny of course, but I don't know or like anyone
enough to have sex with them. Well, that's not true...there
are a couple guys that I know and like well enough...I'm
just not certain it's a good idea. We'll see.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:56 PM
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