Friday, June 10, 2011

Mark's mad at me. He came home and we hugged and he
said he felt worn down. He had told me that he'd be
coming home Saturday or Sunday which I was fine with. I
had just taken a prilosec though and realized that I only
had 1 left which I'll have to take around 5am, and then I'll
need my script filled by 5pm, so I told him I needed him
back tomorrow; I didn't think this would be a problem as
he already said that he might be back tomorrow, and
because I wasn't asking him to cancel his plans the way
I've had to cancel mine at almost every instance of late - I
was just asking to curtail them a bit - which he'd already
said was a possibility. He was pissed. He'd told me this
morning that if I needed anything from the store that I
should go while he was at work; I did consider going but
realized not only did I have enough groceries to last me
until Sunday, my foodstamps wouldn't be renewed until
then. I was also very tired and getting ready for bed - it
would be like me telling him he need to go to the store if
he needed anything for the next couple of days while he
was getting ready for bed - but because I'm sleeing in the
daylight hours that's somehow not as important. His
answer was that there's a bus that goes to the drug store.
He knows that I don't take the bus because of my
stomach. And once again I feel victimized by my
condition. If I didn't have the hope of my doctor's
appointment on Friday and the possible help of that
surgery I'd be so suicidal at this point. I've thrown up
nearly every day for 10 almost 10 years. I do have good
days though, so let's just say I've thrown up every day for
9 years. It's not fun. It's exhausting. It's gross. And it has
curtailed so much of my life at this point that it's like I'm
barely living.

This is very upsetting. I've cancelled my plans again and
again for him of late. And today, he woke me up with a
phone call to see if I could pick him up despite me not
getting enough sleep, being drugged, and having a
migraine and I said I'd do it without bitching at all. I feel
like I've given up a lot to allow him to have his budding
relationship, but when I need a favor I'm treated like it's
some sort of outragious demand...and I'm left thinking
why are his plans more important than mine? Even when I
was in a relationship, and he needed the car to see family
or friends, his needs always came before mine and I just
assumed that at some point when I needed something the
favor would be returned. I guess I was wrong.

It just hit me that I should have asked if we could go fill
my perscription before he left...then he might have been
late but he could have stayed until Sunday without me
being deprived of my medication. Ugh. Damned drugs.
Mark didn't think of it either though so I guess we're both
pretty stupid.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:33 PM
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