Sunday, July 3, 2011

Mark just called. They're not coming back today and
apparently need me to pick him up tomorrow. He asked if I
was still upset about him and Gen and I lied and said that I
wasn't. I lied because...I feel like I'm barely holding on. I
feel...like if I let go I won't survive and that if I can just hang
on and ride this out then I'll be ok. And yet the feelings I'm
having and the thoughts they inspire are so massive that I
can't seem to express them. It didn't feel like a lie to say that
it wasn't about them because it's not only about them...they
certainly are a part of this whirlwind that's enveloping
me...but it's not just them I don't think. I was messed up and
headed to therapy town before all of this.

Part of me feels like I should be cleaning or something
useful, and the other part of me feels like if I move I'll
shatter.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:27 PM
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