Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I survived Monday. I drove to Gen's; met her kids; had a
friendly, if brief encounter...and then I had a long
convesation with Mark about how I view him, how I feel
like he's been my husband for year, only without the sex
part...I was going to propose to him in 2005 but he told
me he'd never get married...not even to me. So I settled
for this...thing that we have. If he were to marry it might
kill me. I don't know. What I know is that I feel vulnerable
and scared and I think that's understandable given how
much I'm forced to depend on someone who could, it
seems, leave me behind. So I want to grow and learn and
be able to take care of myself so that if I stay with him it's
because we both want it...and if he were to leave me, I
want to know that I'd be ok on my own. I feel like a child
in many ways. I've never had to take care of myself
before...and I never went to college or learned a trade...I
feel clueless and silly and I've been thinking it's too late
for me to be anything more than that...but maybe I'm
wrong and I can be. The illness thing sucks is all. I was
very gungho (if a bit shakey) during the conversation...I've
thrown up a lot since then. Trying not to be depressed
about that.

I edited ANOTHER BSG episode. "Daybreak, Part I" is
finished - and my version is SO MUCH COOLER than the
televised one :) Really making progress now, though the
converting part sucks; it takes about 2 hours for each
episode; I'm converting one right now.

Torchwood begins on Friday. I'm really looking forward to
more Whoniverse. I'm pretty sure that we'll be getting at
least 1 episode of the Whoniverse though October, and at
least 1 episode a month through the end of December.

Robert Alfaro is 22! I think he was 12 or 13 when I met
him. That's so crazy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:13 AM
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