Thursday, April 20, 2006

I just finished watching the 3rd Season of The L Word. I liked it. I mean, I still like the show. I really enjoy it actually, and that's all I'm gonna say because I have friends that haven't finished watching it, and I don't want to spoil anything for them.

I had my ultrasound on Tuesday, and I have a doctor's appointment today, so maybe I'll actually have some answers soon? I took Mark, Mollie & Bryan to see V for Vendetta Tuesday night. Bryan & Mollie liked the movie, Mark thought the movie was ok, but his viewing was complicated by assholes at the theater, and he wasn't happy with the volume of the movie; he says he's never going there again. I really don't blame him. Theaters just aren't as fun as they used to be. More often than not, there are annoying people in the theater that talk all through the movie, often times on cell phones. When I do go, I enjoy earlier shows, where there are less people. And I find myself wanting to go to more shows by myself, and just lose myself in the movie. Is that weird? Bryan wants us all to see X3 on opening night, and that doesn't bother me; we all saw X2 opening night (at different shows) and it was a blast. Sometimes audiences can be cool. Opening nights at fan favorites (X-Men, Serenity) tend to rock, because everyone is there to SEE & HEAR the movie, and most people don't make noise except when it seems to make sense. I'm looking forward to X3.

The track for Mark is kicking my ass. The words (my words) are simple, and direct, but I find myself wanting to edit them done to their most concise form...and yet I want to tell him so many things! This is actually emblemanic of all of my recordings. I find the long ones, even though they are from the heart, can be boring, and I don't want that for him. I want something that is...perfection. Or at the very least, not annoying. I'll keep working on it, but if it's not done on his birthday... I wish it could be, but I think it might not be, and that's got me a bit down. But really, it doesn't matter when I give it to him, as long as he knows how I feel, and I know that he does. This is just...something extra. ;-0) I love him.

I let DJ borrow the final season of Buffy and the final 3 of Angel. He's really digging it. He wants me to make a list for him of all the episodes, with a blurb after each title ("the one with the tragic bride's maids dresses") so he can rate them! That's so something I have done, because I am a huge geek with issues. lol He loves the Buffy Musical Soundtrack I gave him, and told me he listens to it in the car, and that it made him cry. It's really cool to have another friend who enjoys the show like I do. ;-0) He wants to come over and play the Buffy board game sometime. Sounds like fun.

Bryan & Chris are officially engaged; they got a ring. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure it's beautiful. They both seem really happy, and I think that everyone who has the pleasure of knowing them, knows that this is right, and wonderful. They are just so....I'm so happy for them!!! Mollie was telling me that Bryan's mother Di wants us all to come hang out with her for cards or something soon, and that she loves feeding Mark. She was also asking what she could cook that I would eat...um...good luck.

About my eating. I don't talk about this often, because it's embarassing. I don't eat other people's cooking...like at their houses. I just...don't. The closest I've ever come is when I had a whole bunch of Coffee that Christopher made me when I was with him in Windsor, circa May 2000. The coffee was good, and the sex was good, and it was fun. ;-0) Plus we watched Buffy, and straight porn; lol. What's not to love?

When I was younger I had this crazy, CRAZY Father, who had some freaky rules about eating. And a lot of that stayed with me for my life. And when I tried to get over that...when I tried to see food as something that wasn't hurtful, or painful, or whatever...I starting trying new things. Not all at once, but baby steps. I had chicken, which I loved, and I had a hamburger which was good, and I started eating pizza when I was in high school (and I never really stopped), but then I had all these acid type problems hit me and then food became something painful again, and something that I wish I could just do without, even though there are a lot of things I do enjoy eating. But there are so many things that I don't eat that most people do. A lot of it outright disgusts me, which I know isn't normal, and probably not right, but this part of my life is really, really complex. Food is just this really confusing thing for me. I don't get it. And I don't think I ever will. But it was so much worse when I was in grade school. I can't even express it. But I visit my mom, and I see our old house, and I can see why I had issues. It wasn't just my dad. Our house is so GROSS, no one should have to live there. I actually stopped eating my mom's cooking very early on. I think my mom did the best that she could do...but...ok - that's a lie. I think she could have done better, but doesn't choose to, and I don't know why. She used to smoke cigarettes while she cooked (like the mom does for comedy on Married...With Children) - the kitchen was always filthy (ALWAYS). And when we (we meaning everyone who was not my mother) tried to clean it we actually got in trouble. Isn't that crazy? That's like horrific crazy. I think about this everytime I go home, and I just feel so lucky that I've survived at all, and that I'm not in that environment anymore.

I spoke to my cousin Joy the other day. It was really great talking with her, if only for about 20 minutes. She's doing well, though she has a cold. She just got done teaching a class on gothic/horror stories and films...I think. Wacky, huh? She's got about another year (she thinks) and she'll hopefully have her PHD. I want to talk to her again sometime soon, in person. We haven't really been in touch in more than a decade, and I just think it would be a lot of fun to exchange stories.

I have to drop Mark off at the dentist, go to my doctor's appoinment, pick Mark up, drop Mark off, and come back here. And pick Mark up from work at 6pm. I don't really have any other plans today, which is oddly comforting. I got some TLA catalogs in the mail yesterday, and I think I left them at work yesterday. I'll drop by later and get them, I guess.

And now, I'm going to get a snack, and maybe read for awhile, or something.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:05 AM
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