Thursday, May 25, 2006

I woke up late, but with enough time to eat, shave & shower before picking up Mollie for the funeral. Only thing was that Karen called asking me to pick up Adam Gram, because there was a special showing for the family, and Adam wasn't ready to go. I said sure, and skipped my shower so I could get Adam & Mollie to the funeral parlor on time. After the service at the funeral home, I drove Adam Gram, Adam Hess and Mollie to the cemetary in the funeral procession. The services at the home & the cemetary were very short, and nice. I gave Rocky a hug at the home, and she said she liked the way I smelled. lol

After the cemetery we went to the Best Western for food. I drove Adam Gram & Karen back to her apartment, and dropped Adam & Mollie off at his car at Red Lobster, before heading home, laying down for a half hour; showering, and cleaning my room. Then I had to pick Mark up. He called and asked if I could bring him a gatorade and I said sure. He said we had to stop at the storage unit (which I hate) and I said that was fine. My room was mostly clean, and all I wanted to do was lay down and read - and maybe sleep.

A storm was coming in as I drove to pick up Mark. On the way home from the storage unit (which Mark didn't even notice that I didn't complain about visiting), Mark asked if I could help him with the order he got, and box up some bracelets, which I started to do, but then thought I might mess up, so I stopped. I should have explained this to him, and it probably would have been super easy, but I was so very tired, and I didn't want to be in the car, and as far as I knew there was no hurry to box them up, so I said no. He boxed them up himself as he drove (which was pretty dangerous, actually), and then told me: "Thanks for the help.". I wanted to say: "Thanks for the sarcasm.", but I didn't. I asked him why we couldn't have done it when we got home, but he said it didn't matter. So when he asked me why I couldn't do it, I said that it didn't matter. We got home just before it started to rain.

I was eating in my room, while reading. I've been trying to find time all week to just relax and read, and this was it. Mark opened my door and asked me what was on the floor by the trashcan, and I told him I didn't know. He asked me if I could come and look at it, and I told him I was eating, and he said "so!", and I said, so I'll look at it when I'm done, which seemed to piss him off even more. I was trying to not get upset because when I get upset then I can't eat - and if I have just eaten, it throwup. I managed to finish eating and finish a chapter while I did it. I went downstairs, and though Mark had the tv on, he was sitting on our home gym just staring at this stuff in front of the trash can. I looked at it, and touched it but had no idea what it was. I told him so, and I headed back to my room. He asked me if I was going to clean it up. I asked why I should be the one to clean it up, and he said because I was the one who did this.

Ok...so I have no memory of this happening, and my memory is pretty good. Mark doesn't have any memory of this happening and his memory is horrible. But I didn't tell him that he had to clean it up, because he had done it. And I didn't even say that I wouldn't do it; I only asked why he seemed to think that I had to. Now, after I got to my room, I remembered that earlier when I had taken the trash out (another thing he didn't even thank me for), that the bag that he had removed from the can had a tear in it, which is why I bagged that one in the trash bag from my room. I'm guessing that the stuff on the floor (which Mark says is probably cookie dough) was accidentally spilled by Mark when he removed the bag from the can and it tore. I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose, and I'm not jumping on him asking him when he's gonna clean up his mess. I was in fact planning on cleaning this up when Mark left the livingroom. I know it's weird, but I don't like to clean when other people are around (which he knows, or he used to know - who knows what things he remembers day to day?) - but he hasn't left the livingroom. In fact, as I lay down to read, he was watching lost, with the tv blaring so loud that I could hear every word that was spoken by the characters upstairs, with my door closed. When I asked him if he could please turn it down, he refused, saying that if I could clean up the mess when I was ready, that he could turn down the tv when he was ready. I yelled then, something brief, about making some noise, but I didn't actually do it. That's stupid, and pointless, and would just escalate the whole thing, when all I want to do is read. That's all I wanted. And I can't with all that noise.

Let's say, for a moment, that I did somehow create this mess on the floor. Why couldn't he clean it up? I took out the trash. Even the bathroom trash, which is usually filled with snot rags. He has this sinus condition or something and he's constantly blowing his nose on toilet tissue and throwing it in the trash. And when he misses, which he often does, I pick up these tissues and throw them away. I've never called him on it, or tried to humiliate him into taking care of it, because it's not that big of a deal, and after everything we've been through it just seems petty, and stupid. I guess he doesn't feel that way.

I'm going out. Maybe when I get home he'll be asleep, or in a better mood, or something. I just don't want to argue with him, or listen to him whine, or bitch, or whatever. And I don't want to listen to the tv, reminding me that I cleaned my room so I could relax and read, but now can't because Mark feels like being bitchy. I just want some quiet. I wish I was a student so I could go to the library and read. Maybe I could read in the car? But I could stop by Aut Bar first to see if Robert or anyone is there. I'm really tired though. erg. This sucks.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:13 PM
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