Friday, June 2, 2006

To start off, before I do the whole recap of my life thing, I'd like to take a moment and talk about my life right now, and the conflux of men who have suddenly appeared out of the woodwork:

1st there's a friend of mine, who might just be a friend, but then sometimes it seems like we should be more, and I'm not talking about Mark Adams - who I'm happy just being friends with. It's slightly confusing this sitch, but then maybe were are just going to be friends and that's fine.

2nd there's Jeremy. I met Jeremy a little over 5 years ago, and I felt an intense connection to him right away. I lusted after him completely, and I respected him, which is a fantastic combination - but I learned fairly quickly that he had a boyfriend of several years, and I had to respect that and walk away. It sucked beyond the telling of it. I've seen him on & off again over the years, and I always have to ask about the boyfriend, because I've always held out hope for SOMETHING, because when I'm around him, it's pretty intense. Last week I saw him, and learned he & his boyfriend have opened up there relationship to sex with other people. It doesn't sound very romantic does it? And I've turned down offers from dozens of men who had boyfriends in the past. True, I have dated 2 married men, but the wives weren't WIVES in the classic sense, and they both loved me, and approved the whole thing. I wasn't sure this new turn of events would really change anything where Jeremy was concerned, but I did think we'd maybe hang out more and get to know each other better, which I never thought as an option before. I even thought that if I knew him better I might like him less...Only that hasn't been the case at all. Now I find that we have all sorts of things in common that I never would have suspected before, and I find I like him even more. I had sex with him last week and it was fantastic, but the stuff that happened after that was even better! But he's got a boyfriend, and that's a bit confusing. But I'm enjoying what I have with him, and that's cool. A lot. ;-0) Now, if Jeremy were single, I'd be pursuing him an no one else. Period. And of the men I'm discussing today, he's the only one that makes me...glow. Which, in a way, sucks horribly. But I'm not really complaining.

Boy #3. A flirty Meijer employee. Maybe we're just flirting; maybe it's an early sign of something more. This could be a friendship too. I don't know. Maybe it's nothing, and I've just be out of the game so long that I don't know the difference anymore.

Boy #4. I met Tracy Wednesday night at Aut Bar. He flirted with me all night, and amused me... He seems really cool, and I think he likes me. He's exactly 3 months older than me. He's funny, and all sorts of other good things...and he wants to hang out with me.

But...he's not Jeremy. Which isn't a bad thing, per say. Jeremy might stay with his boyfriend forever, or decide to move to New York, or not even want to date much after having a 9 year relationship or whatever. I don't know, and it's too soon to know... I might be horribly screwed...and I want to enjoy him for as long as I can have him. Usually I'm a one man kind of guy, but this thing that's going on is not usual in any way. I don't know how I should be acting or feeling...it's scary and exciting, and fun, and horrible. Does that make any sense?

And I'd like to add that these 4 guys aren't alone. It's like, ever since Jeremy & I finally hooked up, everyone else wants a piece of me. It's weird. But I can deal. lol. As long as I'm honest with myself and everyone around me, I should be fine.

I worked with Bobby, DJ & Nate yesterday. I was early to work, and in a good mood, but we were kind of dead. While I was there, one of my favorite customers came in. I can't think of his name (I want to say Sean), but he's big and bald with piercings, and he's a cook; he had his son with him, who was named Elijah, and we chatted briefly. He mentioned that he worked at Fridays, and I told him I met someone last night who worked there, and when I told him about Tracy, he said that he knew him and that he was really cool, and that he'd tell him I said hello, which I thanked him for. Because we were so dead, DJ sent me home early, after I rented "Underworld: Evolution".

I thought I might be able to visit Jeremy at his work but I had to go to Meijer first, then I didn't have gas, or change for meters, and I ran out of time. I picked up Mark at 6pm. While I was waiting for Mark, Tracy called me to tell me that the guy from his work had told him that "Jason says hi.", which made him 'giddy'. lol Ok. He wants to hang out sometime soon; possibly Monday. Tracy had to go, and so did I; Mark & I went home. We were going to go downtown and take pix but I got really tired, and we decided against that.

I went downtown to find Jeremy. First I found Matt, and gave him his mashup CD which he & Jay played at Aut Bar to the delight of many a patron. I tried calling Jeremy, figuring he was at WRAP, but he was really busy. I chatted with a lot of cool people, and then Jeremy showed up, saying he couldn't stay because he'd promised to do someone's hair. Sam White was also there. I walked Jeremy to his car, and I pointed out this house where this old guy used to plays music at night, and I'd wander by and hear it. Jeremy knew him; his name was Eddie, and he died last week!?! I was so upset by that news, as I'd often considered stopping and telling him how muc I enjoyed his music, but I never made the time, and now he's gone. Jeremy said that he had told him this many times, if that helped...and it kind of did...but it was still sad. That was mostly forgotten when we got to the car and lust took over. Roar. He confirmed plans with me for Saturday; we're going to see Elvis play at the Elbow Room. And then he drove me back to my car and said goodbye.

I went back into Aut Bar, said goodbye to everyone, had some pix taken, and drove Ash to her car, before heading home. On the way back to the condo my phone rang, but it was in my pocket and I couldn't answer it without getting killed. When I got home I saw that the person who called was Jeremy so I called back, and left him a message about how it was hard not to answer the phone when he called, but I probably would have died. lol I called again in a few minutes, and he answered, telling me my messages made him smile, and that he had just been calling me to tell me it was great to see me, and that his hair appointment had cancelled, but he was on his way home. ;-0)

I was wired after all the Jeremy stuff. Mark needed some stuff from the store so we went to Hollywood to see if the new schedule was up; it was. I have Monday & Saturday off. I didn't think that was a problem (though odd, as I haven't had that many hours lately), because I was going to ask DJ for the next Sunday off as Mark & I will be in Ohio for the weekend, helping his twin brother Marcus with a movie. But what I didn't know until last night was that we were leaving for Ohio Friday morning, when I thought we were leaving after we both got out of work. I have to talk to DJ about that today, and hopefully work that out. I hope it doesn't stress him out too much.

Mark & I went to Kroger to get some stuff, and then headed home. I was so tired, but we watched "Underworld: Evolution", which I liked a great deal; my only dislike came from all the flashbacks and retelling of part I, which I thought was a waste of time for those of us who'd seen it (multiple times) - but everything else in it pretty much rocked more than I expected it to. And is it wrong that Jeremy kept popping up in my thoughts during the movie?

I went to bed almost right after the movie. Mark woke me up this morning looking for his tie clip, which has disappeared. He didn't want to take the bus because there was a rain forecast. I needed the car, as I'd decided to get my 4 rolls of film developed. I had planned on having massive amounts of film developed at the end of the summer, but someone wisely pointed out that you're supposed to get film developed as soon as possible to prevent the quality from degrading. I'm still planning on taking tons of pix this summer. I wish they still made black & white advantix film. :-0( I can do that on my computer though. :-0) So...I drove Mark to work, dropped off my film, and I'll pick up the prints at 12:30 on my way to work.

After I got home, I checked my e-mail; talked to Mark briefly and wrote this. Now I might take a nap. I work 1-5:30, then I have tomorrow off.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:29 AM
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