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   Thursday, July 13, 2006

I was going to do some recording today, but I somehow deleted a bunch of stuff I needed, and now I have to start from scratch. It's pretty frustrating. I was hoping to talk to Jeremy about it; that and a lot of things, but he's probably in a meeting or at work or something. I miss him. For some reason, I thought that even though he's going through something huge, and even though we're no longer a couple, that I'd still see him all the time. I'm often stupid in that way. I've finished some tracks for his cd, but they're all kind of abstract; they aren't about us per say, and maybe aren't about him, but an idea or dream of him. The stuff I have to record now, is about us, and I don't even know what we are now. I mean...I know we're friends. I just don't know what's going on in his head, and I want to know. And there are things going on in my head, that I wish I could share with him, but he hasn't even returned any of my e-mails in over 2 weeks. He told me not to read into anything, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I mean...if I'm not suppsoed to interpret what's NOT being said, what else do I have? I have him saying that I shouldn't. But I wish I had him telling me what was happening...in detail. I've never been good at the vague or the subtle. I need blatant, direct, honesty.

I think I'm crying. lol All of these things that have been happening (or not happening) lately are just catching up to me and I just need to get this out. But I'm not depressed, or unhappy per say. I just; there's been so much STUFF in the last few weeks, and so much pressure and doubt and disappointment, and worry, and there are so many things that I want to say to so many people, but I can't because of circumstances that are bigger than my need to talk it out. And I can't write about that stuff here, because they read this blog.

A Jeremy cuddle would kick ass about now.

I'm supposed to go out tonight. I'm looking forward to it, and here I am, crying. This is so my life lately. I need to take a shower anyways. Mark will be off work soon, and he has to come home to drop off the dog, and then I'm driving him to his condo meeting.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:44 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]



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