Monday, September 11, 2006

Saturday's party was very surreal. I'm pretty sure that most everyone who came to the party had a fantastic time. And I had some truly great moments... But my goth drama persona, which I thought had died years ago somehow seemed to resurface. This stemmed from Mollie not being there because of illness; then Jeremy seemed to have the same malady; then Shawn & Jonathan; then Heidi! And these people weren't faking to get out of a party; these are some of the really close friends who I was sure would be there, and if you could only have heard their voices... It kind of haunted me, much of the night... The rest of us party people felt bad that these people couldn't make it to the party, but were glad that they were getting rest, and weren't at the party to infect us. But this left me feeling like I was living the Masque of the Red Death. Seriously. And by the time Shawn was heard, sickly sounding, and talking about not coming to the party - I was struck by a kind of deja vu. I thought, this must have been what it was like when AIDS first broke out, and some other hot bald guy (wink) was throwing a party, only to find out that his best friends couldn't make it because they were sick, or dead. And with these morbid thoughts I fake smiled my way through most of the night.

Now, I say most of the night, but there were some moments that I truly cherished. I loved giving Carrie her birthday presents, and seeing that she didn't have any of them, and that she really liked them. I knew that she liked them all before I bought them for her, but I was worried that she might have them, and she didn't. So...that was a load off. My ex-gf Jennifer was there, and she looked AMAZING, and she gave me one of those gifts that's just impossible to top, you know? I'll describe it later, if people want to know what it was, but I don't feel like typing it all out right now. I don't really feel like typing any of this, but I want to have something here. I enjoyed the end of the night, when it was just me, Mark, Pat, Andrea & Nate, and just before that, when Steve Ball & his boyfriend Jordan were there.

There was some odd undercurrents going on with Bryan. I don't know what that was about, exactly, but he seemed to be in good spirits, and he left me a really cool myspace comment later. Chris was a jewel, just getting along with most everyone and just really seeming to enjoy herself; I'm really glad to have her as part of my circle of friends. Robert & Kayla came to the party, and it was great to see them having a good time after whatever drama had recently unfolded; it was good clean fun. Jennifer was a vision. Soloman & Janella! They were a blast, as always! I can't wait to see Janella's interviews (with Adam as cameraman). The hollywood crew were just having a good time; Nate amuses me more and more as I see him more. Andrea's such a sweetie. Bobby was at the party, and seemed to be having a goodtime, though he looked really tired also; I wish I could have talked to him more, but my mood was getting in the way. It wasn't just the missing people; it was the annoying one that did show up with Jennifer, named Mike - UGH! I thought he was only annoying me, and then Mark said something about him, and when asked about it, Jennifer admitted some annoyance as well. Later I got a couple e-mails from party goers about the rude annoying guy. roar.

Kim was there, and I hope she doesn't give Jeremy too hard of a time for not being there. I got to meet her non-gf, female happy friend, Chris, who was a lot of fun. Very good to meet her, and I hope that goes well for both of them. Mark's coworker Sean came to the party for a little while, though I didn't get to see them for long. Bill Saunders came to the party, and I can't tell you how much I enjoyed seeing him there. He gave me this amazing gift, which I opened in front of everyone, and maybe shouldn't have, as he had warned me it was graphic. They were pictues of me, having sex, blown up, black and white filtered, and framed beautifully. Yeah. lol That was fun. ;-0) But Bill left after awhile, saying he wasn't really in the mood. I wanted to tell him that I wasn't in the mood either, but I couldn't just leave. lol And you know, I didn't want to leave. I seriously would have loved if everyone had partied all night, while I worked things out in my head...

I don't want people to feel bad that I wasn't having a great time, because it made me feel better to see that everyone around me seemed to be having a lot of fun; I was very happy for them; that alone was a relief as I didn't have to feel guilty for bringing everybody down. It was just something within me, and I couldn't help feeling worried for my absent friends. Mollie alone was going to be terrible; I mean not having her there was going to suck really bad. But Shawn, Jeremy & Heidi - that was too much. These people are hugely important to me, so this was a huge blow. And Diana! Diana was sick too. It was like we were this island of people partying while the rest of the world was mired in some kind of plague.

There was this moment where Andrea, Pat, Bobby, & Bill (from work) were with me, on my bed for our video interview. Surely an odd moment. lol And everybody said they really liked my room. Bobby said that his room is smaller, and that he shares it with another boy (which could be fun sometimes, I'm sure). I would have liked to talk to Bobby more about my movie shelf. He said he liked my gay.com poster that I have up, but I should have shown him the one I don't have hanging up, as it has a football theme, and he'd probably like that one even more. I really enjoy spending time with my coworkers, which is maybe why I don't feel like Hollywood is a job; it's just where I go to see a select group of friends.

DJ was there for awhile, and helped us out, with some folding chairs. We played a game of Euchre, with Robert & Bryan as the other team. Chris sat in for awhile too. It was all good. I really enjoyed that part too. ;-0) A lot of the night is just a blur to me, and I can't really remember it in order. It's very strange. We have TONS of alcohol left, as some of the bigger drinkers (Jeremy, Shawn, Mollie-when-she-doesn't-have-to-work, & Matt) didn't show up, and Bryan, who usually ibibes quite a bit, didn't drink much or at all, that I can remember. I think maybe he didn't see that we had Rum and Vodka on the counter. Nate says I should throw a third party, and Carrie agrees; she says I should just throw a drinking party, so we can get rid of all the alcohol. We'll see. ;-0)

If I'm forgetting someone, or some amazing thing that happened, forgive me. As I said, and as it's probably fairly obvious from this entire post, the night is a blur to me.

Sunday I felt like I might be coming down with the plague. Like maybe I was the Red Death from my vision, which would have been cool/cruel if I knew that I was playing the part. But I felt a lot better later, so now I'm not sure. We'll see, I guess. I had a lot of energy when I went into work, and I got most everything that needed to be done finished by 9pm, including my lunch break, on which I watched some DS9; I've been slowly, but surely watching season 3. Bryan was working, but Nate came in and closed. I also worked with Joe, who did mostly nothing. We were mostly dead, and everything was done, so I got to talk to Nate a lot, which was great. Andrea came in at the end of the night, which was a treat. I rented Nightmares 4 & 5, and Cat People; movies I used to love when they were new.

I went to the bank after work and then went to Kroger where I got Cranberry Juice, Boost, some chips & some water. I've been drinking cranberry juice ever since I had that kidney stone, as a kind of security blanket, to prevent further such experiences. I guess a woman at the hospital told Mark & I (while I was recovering from surgery, and completely out of it) that her husband had really bad stomach problems, but that he drank this stuff (I can't think of what it's called) and so Mark got us some, and I've been mixing it with the cran juice, and I like it like that.

Home. I watched some more DS9; read a story, and fell asleep. I had nightmares. First I dreamt about the Red Death at my party, and that my friends who didn't make it were actually dead, from AIDS. This was obviously something that had been on my mind recently, so it made sense. And the dream was like a music video to this remix I found of the Sodom & Gamorrah Show by Pet Shop Boys - which, thanks to my biggoted baptist upbring has certain annoying connotations for said dream. Then I dreamt that Nate was driving me home from a party, and my sister Janice called me to tell me she had decided on a treatment for her cancer. Janice doesn't really have cancer (that I know of), but in the dream I had known that she did, but had blocked it out. I was supposed to relay some messages for her, and I just completely blanked it out and when I realized what I had done it was so horrible. And the treatment she had chosen was so risky, and it was so obvious that she wasn't going to survive - in the dream I was crying so hard... And then I woke up, hot and troubled. It was just a really bad dream.

I had a snack, and read my e-mail; took a shower, and wrote this. Ugh. It's really warm in here. I need to open my vent.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:50 AM
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