Saturday, September 16, 2006

Friday morning, I did take a shower, and pick up the clutter in my room; I did put a load of laundry in the washer, which included all my work clothes. And I read some more of a Star Trek book I've been reading.

I had been reading "Brightly Burning" and really enjoying it... But ever since loaning the first 2 seasons of DS9 to Jeremy & Danny I've been slowly, but surely rewatching Season 3. I love DS9, but every time I've tried to get back into watching it, I've failed, until now, and I'm really enjoying it. I just finished watching "Past Tense, Part II" the other day, which is set just before the start of Star Trek: Voyager. I thought that I'd start rewatching Voyager as well, but then I remembered that there are a series of Trek books that help set up Voyager and deal with other stories relating to the Maquis that I've always wanted to read, and figured now was a good time to do so; I'd keep watching DS9 while reading these books, and then at the end of the season, when I'd finished the books, I'd watch Voyager Season 1, and then continue as planned.

These pre-Voyager books; I'd read one of them about 8 months ago ("The Brave & The Bold, Book Two: The Third Artifact"), and loved it. That story explained how & why Tuvok had infiltrated Chakotay's Maquis cell, and it was filled with so much continuity, and just about every Maquis face we'd ever met! It rocked, though there was a minor continuity flub concerning Cal Hudson's friendship with Sisco, though I can't remember the details just now. There was another pre-voyager book (1 of 2) written by Voyager co-creator Jeri Taylor, and as such was on the verge of being considered cannon, but it jibed with some of the things I'd already read, and I didn't finish it, and I don't intend to. I like that a creator of a Trek series cared enough about the character to release a book filled with details that might be worked into future episodes, but I also know that the writers of Voyager tended to rip former continiuty to shreds for the sake of their so-so storytelling. Still, J.T. wrote some great Next Gen episodes, including "The Outcast", which was the closest Next Gen ever came to having a 'gay' episode.

The next book on in this thematic cycle, is part of the Double Helix series. A cross-Trek series that takes place over many years, and teams together many known characters under interesting circumstances, all relating to a central story, ivolving a kind of plague. I must admit that I'd put off reading this one, thinking that it would suck, badly. This one is Book 4 of the series and is titled "Quarantine", and it explains how William Riker's double, Tom Riker, (introduced in the 6th Season Next Gen episode "Second Chances") became a member of the Maquis, as seen in DS9's "Defiant". So far the book (which I'm reading as part of the Omnibus Edition which contains the whole series) has been a fantastic read! The characters all seem 'real' and the plot is a perfect continuation of the Brave & The Bold story, though that story was written after this one. I may eventually read the other stories in this series, but for now I've got to continue on with my pre-voyager check list. I'll try to keep you posted on how that goes.

Anyways, I read a bit before bed. I had taken my prilosec on time, and had been awake without eating, several hours before going to bed, but my acid reflux was still kicking in, and I'm not sure why that is. It really sucked though because I couldn't get enough sleep before work. And I didn't set my alarm clock, again. I have a new desk, which I really like, but my alarm clock sits on this desk, which is now much farther away from my bed. I used to lay in bed and look over and have the clock within my reach and set the alarm; now I don't even notice the clock is there! lol

I was a bit late for work, as my clothes weren't dry yet, and I hadn't gotten up in time to prevent that outcome. It was no big deal. Jeremy called me to tell me he had fun hanging out with me the night before. He was walking to work from the bus stop while we talked, as his car is still in the shop. He wants to get together next week some time. He eventually got to work, and I let him go. Mark dropped me off at work, and the day went by very slowly. I was very tired, and my acid reflux was kicking my ass - but I put on a brave face, and tried not to call too much attention to said affliction. Bryan went home early, and he didn't look well; I hope he's ok. I worked with Bobby, & DJ, and eventually Matt, Heidi, and Joe. Solomon stopped by, which was nice. Bobby went home early as well, but not before revealing in conversation that he reads my blog! That's cool. DJ reads it sometimes too. I find it very flattering, as I seriously don't expect anyone to read this thing; it's mostly just for me. Though I do hope that people will read it on occasion, if we haven't had time to talk, but I don't require it or anything. It was great seeing Heidi; I always miss her when she's not around...and Matt apologised for not making it to my party, but I gave him a bit of rough time about it.

I punched out on time and watched some DS9, but I was so tired. Mark was really late picking me up because he went to a carwash, and he assumed that I was still working because I was late - but our labor has been so far over lately, that I just wanted to help out and punch out on time - and I was so fucking exhausted. I just wanted to sleep.

When Mark came to get me I was just getting to the emotional highlight of the DS9 episode I'd been watching...of course. He had taken the car to a carwash because someone at the business next to his had scraped our car door, and he wanted to see if the car had actually be scratched; it has been. Mark dropped me off so I could sleep, and then went to the police to fill out a police report. Mark really cares about what the car looks like, and files more police reports about his cars than anyone I've ever met. I chose not to say anything about this, as I didn't want to upset him, and I figured as long as I'm not involved I don't care what he does. I just wanted to sleep.

I couldn't get right to sleep, so I finished the DS9 episode I'd started, and then went to sleep, which I was woken from almost right away by Mark. He'd knocked on my door earlier, but it was at another emotional moment in the episode and I didn't want him to spoil this one, so I'd said he could come in as long as he didn't talk, and he didn't come in. Now he seemed disappointed that the episode was over. He wanted to join me, but I was going to sleep. We were good. And he left me to my slumber.

I did manage to get some sleep, but I kept waking up. I kept having to pee. I don't know why. But it just seemed like pissed forever. lol And I don't remember drinking a lot of water or anything; it was odd. And eventually I had to get ready for Necto. I really, REALLY didn't want to go, but it was Robert's last night, and I couldn't miss that. I didn't even get there until a quarter to 1am. I talked to Robert, and Becky the bartender. Steven & Douglas were there, but the connection I'd felt with them the week before seemed to have faded...or something. Later on, I asked Doug what he thought of his dedication page and he told me it was unexpected; that I'd told him that it wouldn't be up until November. I do remember saying something like that, but I was talking about my picture section, not his page, and I was probably just not very clear. He said that he didn't want me to take it down, but that it was unexpected. Unexpected. He didn't say how he felt about it, but whatever connection we had last week was gone or in seclusion. It sucked. Steve was talking to me, but again, there was strangeness, though he was open to talking to me, and said we'd talk through myspace, or AIM.

Frank Lee was there, as was his ex-boyfriend Bobby Mushroe. I had a horrible headache when I got to the bar, but found some midrin in the car, and took them just before entering, so I was kind of spacey. I got a drink, but gave it away when I remembered I shouldn't have alcohol with my drugs. I met a boy named Adam, who danced with me downstairs. There was a boy dancing with a girl next to me that had smiled at me more than once and I knew him, but when I went to say hello to him I remembered I was supposed to call my friend Jason, and I called him Jason instead. It was horrible. I knew it was Bobby. His friend Laurie/Laura/Laurel/bitch (she said she gets all of those) looked like she wanted me dead. It probably didn't help that there was drama between Bobby & Lee, and I'd been talking to them both, and I later danced with Lee. I did get a picture taken with Bobby though. We used to chat online, and he told me more than once that he was really attracted to me, in detail... But that's apparently over, or his own boy drama has overwhelmed it. Damn.

Adam was fun. He & his friends were there from Dearborn Heights (I think), and they were a fun bunch of people. I saw Keevan, and talked to him for a bit. I kept seeing people that I knew, which is fun for me. Andy was there. A couple guys groped me, and the guy that kissed me really hard last week (Michael - curse my wacky memory!) was there, but he was a lot more sober, and I don't think he remembered me. lol I still didn't want to be there, but I made the most of it, and I met some great people, while chatting with friends.

When the night ended, Robert called me out again, though I don't think anyone knows me as Jason Wright; if he'd said Bald Jason, people would have caught on...but he actually quoted some of my poetry! It was a bittersweet goodbye, and I had another picture taken of us. When people were leaving, I pushed ahead and walked to my car to get my jacket and hat. Someone called my name, but I shouted that I'd be right back. They didn't wait for that and followed me. It was Adam and his friends. I had said goodbye to them in the club, as they had left early, but they'd stuck around outside, and I got the impression they'd stayed to see me. I was flattered, but I was so tired, and emotionally not quite there. I knew that Adam liked me; his friends had told me, though it seemed fairly obvious anyways. He's 20 years old, and he smokes. But he's cute, and he's a good dancer, and... I don't know. I'm not looking right now I guess. His friends wanted us to kiss, but I had kissed him fast earlier on the lips and I could taste his cigarettes just doing that, and I told them that I don't kiss smokers. I kissed his neck instead and they snapped a picture with my camera. His cologne smelled good, but the taste of it made my stomack turn over. I smiled though, and I wished him well.

I went up to the pizza place again, as Steven had invited me, but I was still really tired, and the midrin wasn't helping, and I was feeling overwhelmed by emotions that I couldn't process. There was the goodbye to Robert that had me crying, and the total absence of connection with Steve/Doug after last week's intensity, as well as some annoying bitch comparing me to Michael Jackson for a laugh. I knew that I was exhausted, when the jibe actually hurt me, when usually I wouldn't have given it a 2nd thought. The wonderful strangeness with Adam, was welecomed and painful all at once, though I couldn't place why that was...

I was glad to get home. I showered. I cried a lot. I read my mail; there was a message from Keevan, saying he thought I was interesting, and that he liked that I could carry on a conversation; that there was more to me than met the eye. That was good to hear after the horrifics of the night. I ate, and watched some DS9. And I eventually got to sleep, which you'd think would happen right when I got home, but I wanted to get myself out of the weird emotional funk I was in before dropping into dreams. I thought that I had, only now I'm not so sure.

I had horrible dreams. First I dreamt that Mark & I were living on my Grandmother's farm. I was actually living with my grandmother, until she moved away, as did my Aunt Marge. Something sinister was at work. The new youth pastor from my family's church moved into Grandma's house, and I was hiding the fact that I was gay from everyone. I was at church and they were talking about how horrible it was to be gay, & I just exploded and told them all off. The youth pastor guy told his minions (because that's what all these people were) to take care of me, and a huge fight ensued, in which I kicked major ass - it was like The Matrix; there were even some weapons involved. I made sure not to hurt this asian girl who didn't really want to hurt me; I sensed that she was a lesbian pretending just as I had been. It was kind of like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, only this menace made gay people straight, but not without changing who they were forever, and I fought for my freedom. I eventually escaped, though I made sure the asian girl (Raa Haa) was alright. As I was escaping I encountered my mother, and she told me that Mark had assured her that I wouldn't cause any trouble, and I looked and saw that Mark had been changed too! I knew my mother had done it and I punched her lights out. Mark & I had a pact that if something happened like this, that the other one would kill the other, so I had to do it. I pulled a gun out of my mother's belt and I aimed it at his head as he walked towards me; he was talking to me, but it wasn't the Mark talked before they changed him, and I shot him...only once but he crumpled down on the floor, dead, right away. I knelt down and touched his face, but they'd implanted something monstrous within him, and it was leaving his body behind - I shot it until there were no more bullets and then I shattered a window using the gun, dropped it and then ran for my parents' home, where I could hide in the woods. It was daybreak, but a truck filled with redneck assholes spotted me, and started 'hunting the fag'. My fighting skills were gone, and I was just running...until I was trapped...and there was nowhere left to run...and I woke up.

I hadn't even been asleep for 2 hours. I used the bathroom, and went back to bed, almost afraid to go back to sleep, but too exhausted to fight it. I dreamt about many things this time, but one of the constants, was that I was with someone that I should have known, but didn't. This bothered him, but his face kept changing; literally! His face kept changing into people that I'd met over the years, but I almost always knew that he wasn't really that person. Eventually we, along with another large group of people our age, were trapped inside of an old, labrythine barn. He and I had played in barns when we were little, and we were the most experienced, and were trying to lead our group out... It was very important that we escape, as those who were keeping us here were going to kill a lot of people in their plot to take over the world. I found a trap door in a spooky hayloft, but it was too small to fit through, and the drop would have killed us, anyways. The friend with the changing face, who now looked like a boy I met at Necto named Ted (who had beautiful dark brown skin, and a boyfriend), found a kind of window and he said that it was his jump, before leaping out the window. The rest of us went running towards the window only to find that there was a giant windmill on the outer side of this wall, and he had leapt out onto the spinning arms. It was raining outside. At first I thought that he had found a way out, but then I realized that he had miscalculated, and there would be no way to get down. As he realized this, and his face changed again, he put on a brave front, even as the turning wheel nearly tossed him away, several times, and in order to hang on, he was abused by the machine in horrible ways, I turned away, saying I couldn't watch, but I looked back as he screamed my name, filled with fear, and then he fell. Just as he crashed into the moist earth, that gave way beneath him, someone in our group found a secret door but it was locked. I kicked it down, and we ran down a creeking stairwell and out into the night. I ran to where my friend had died, and found him, in the hole he had made on impact with the muddy earth. His upper body was deeper than the rest, and he was laying at a horrible angle that no living person could achieve, and his face...it was Jason Brooks. I fell into the hole with him, and tried to get his body out, but a car came out of nowhere, and I had to get out of the hole, before the car could kill me. I barely made it, and the car, driven by a drunk guy with his girlfriend got stuck in the hole; the front of the car tilted, as the driver's side front tire tipped into the hole. I glared at them, and somehow lifted the car out and pushed it aside. They were laughing, and when I looked in the hole, I saw that somehow some of their shit that they had filled the back seat of their stinking car with, had been thrown into the hole on top of Jason. I told them to quit laughing, as they had just dropped a bunch of their junk on my dead friend; that shut them up, and I began digging through the junk, trying to find my friend. I was thinking about what I was going to tell Jason's mother. That he had died trying to save us, and it all became to much for me, and I blacked out. I woke in a car, that my my stepfather was driving, with my mother in the passenger seat, and me in the back, and I looked down and on the floor I saw all the junk that had been thrown ontop of Jason. I started digging though it again, but Jason wasn't there. I asked my mother where he was. It felt very important that I find him, even though he was dead. I was crying. My mother handed me a vial with a tooth in it, with long roots. I knew it was Jason's. She said it was his, but she didn't say tooth, she called it something else. I suddenly knew that the force that had meant to take over the earth had taken my parents. This thing in the vial didn't have anything to do with Jason, and the things in the car were not related to me in the slightest. I was the last, and they were taking me to the source of this nightmare. I knew that I couldn't defeat it. But I also knew that they needed me alive. I opened the back door of the speeding car and jumped out, slamming into the pavement; it hurt horribly, and a bounced a few times... I wasn't dying. I looked around, though it hurt horribly to move. We were only on a road in the country, or so I thought, but as I looked over the edge of the road, where land should be, the road was actually a suspension bridge, miles above a dark blue, angry, sea. The car was coming back for me, but smiled, with blood caking in my mouth, and pulled myself over the edge. I didn't even have time to fall before I woke up gasping.

After waking up, and wrote about my dreams here while they were fresh. I saved the entry, then stretched, and used the bathroom, before returning and writing about yesterday and last night.

While I was writing this, Mark came in and told me that he'd gotten a call from some place that had asked for his I.D. for his credit card which he'd refused to do, and the manager that had just called had apologised for that and that the employee would be retrained. I know this makes Mark feel good, & I think he wanted me to congratulate him, or admit defeat or something, but it just made me feel bad for the employee who was just doing what he/she had been trained to do. I've been that person, and people like Mark, who rock the boat for some personal reason, when just flashing your I.D. takes less time than making a fuss, and protects people from credit card theft...just annoy me. The credit card company says that stores need not ask for I.D. as they will cover the costs if your card is stolen. But wouldn't you rather that if a card were stolen that the person involved be caught? That less money would have been used by this person? Mark thinks it's a racial thing, which I know from experience, that it's not! At least it never has been in any place that I've ever worked. But I know that he's not alone in this. Several black customers over the years have complained about me asking them for I.D., but I ask every person, so how that's a racial thing, I don't know. And I can honestly say that the people of every color who've thanked me for this practice have FAR outweighed the silly few who have been bothered by it. This is just something that Mark & I will never agree on.

Mark also came back to borrow a shirt, and then again to give me my phone which had been ringing - I checked my messages just now, and the call was from Bryan; it's his mom's birthday and we're invited to go play cards there around 7pm. I'd love to see them all, but I still feel kind of battered from last night, and those terrible dreams afterwards, so I'm not sure I'm up to it. I'll think about it. But I'm finally finished writing this now, and I want to do something else; anything else!

And if you're reading this: Happy Birthday Paul!

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:11 PM
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