Sunday, March 11, 2007

Luke did stand me up again. And it was worse than before, because after not arriving at my house, like he said he wanted to, and not calling me to tell me why, I found him online on yahoo.messenger, and he wouldn't respond to my messages. What the fuck? So I went on gay.com to see if he was there, and he was. And again he wouldn't respond to me. There was another guy in the room though, who's had a crush on me for a long time, and I told him I was kind of upset and why. He privated Luke and said "Hey", and Luke responded to him right away!?! Then the guy tried to find out why Luke stood me up, but Luke just said that something came up and he didn't want to talk about it. Now...what could that something be, that prevented him from driving out to see me, or calling me to let me know he wouldn't be coming, or e-mailng me, or responding to my online messages, when he WAS responding to other men who were just saying hello? How could he possibly justify his behavior? His utter disregard for my feelings? His complete disrespect? I mean, he stood me up, and when I tried to talk to him about it, he went all silent while chatting it up with boys he doesn't know. Yeah. He told me when he first met me (at which point he'd stood me up once, years before) - that he desperately wants to be coupled, and that he'd given up on men, because none of them are good, and asked if I was good. I told him I tried to be good, but that was maybe for other people to decide (if I was or not). How can he find out if people are good, if he never shows up? And he doesn't just do this to me. I know for a fact that he does this to other people too. And I know he's lied to me as well. I'm done. I just don't understand him at all. Which is too bad, because if you cut out all the bullshit, he had potential. And if he stays the way he is now, the way he was years ago, he'll always be lonely, and I don't wish that on anyone; even him.

So...I did go grocery shopping last night, and I got all the fixings for milk shake, which I had a craving for. But I forgot some of the stuff that I needed! So I had to go back to the store and get it! It was cool though because I found driving around, listening to tunes kind of relaxing. When I finally got my shake though, it was truly yummy! :-0) I then continued reading Harry Potter 3, which I'd started just before heading back to the store the 2nd time, and I'm enjoying the 3rd one as much as I remembered enjoying it years ago now.

Anyways. I fell asleep in my bed, with my clothes on; exhausted. I had applied some eyeliner when I thought that Luke would be over, because we were going to take some pictures, and plus I just love to wear eyeliner, but I usualy try to wash that stuff off before I sleep - but I didn't this time, and now my eyelids are all sticky! Yuck. Oh well. It's about 3:20pm now. I work at 7pm. I'm going to shower, and eat, and maybe make a cd to listen to at work.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:17 PM
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