Saturday, March 15, 2008

I want to be alone. In the dark. It's March again. Hasn't been this bad in years now. Don't know what made me remember, but it wasn't expected, and I can hear their voices. I don't want to, and yet it amazes me that I could forget them at all. I'm sitting here...crying. Mark is in the other room and has no idea...my door is open and the light from the hall and my monitor is the only light in here. Year Zero is playing on I Tunes. Michael is chatting with me...sort of. I'm getting angry for no reason, I think. I wish I could scream. Michael feels rejected and wants to be comforted and I don't think I'm capable of that at this moment. Tomorrow will be better. It always is.

This is odd because lately I've been feeling like I'm losing my passion for things that usually inspire me...and now here's all this emotion welling up in me. Not sure what's up with me. But I doubt I'm good company right now. Probably best that I didn't go to the bar, though dancing violently does usually help... erg.

Flashes of memory are worse than sustained images. Hard to make sense of memories that mean so much, so quickly. Glad I don't do the cutting thing anymore or tonight would end bloody.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:17 AM
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