Saturday, April 1, 2006

Attempted to got Necto last night, but I didn't REALLY want to go there on Pride Night; the music sucks. Lucky for me, this guy I like (Matt) was leaving just as I was getting there, and I left with him and his 'family' to chat them up (and laugh a lot) while they got some pizza. It was fun. I'm glad I went.

Matt talked about Cedar Point last night, and I ended up having these very amusing dreams about the theme park. ;-0) I'm slightly bored, but enjoying the music [Green Day vs. Thirteen Senses vs. Smash Mouth], and things should pick up soon.

I'm hanging out, waiting for Mollie. I went to Hollywood earlier to drop of Bryan's keys (we got our car back yesterday), and the powerlines behind the store weren't off their poles or anything, but they were blowing wildly in the wind. Just after I left they lost power for a few minutes. As I drove away a police car pulled over to a church near the powerlines and it looked like one of them had actually fallen and started a fire. I called the store to make sure everyone was ok, and they told me about the power outage, but that it hadn't lasted long.

I used to work with this guy Brandin at Holllywood. He was 17 or 18, and he was dating this crazy girl, who came into the store and freaked out - so much so that we had to ask her to leave, and the police were almost involved. Brandin was cute, and he sent out a lot of mixed signals where his sexuality was concerned. People asked me all the time if he was gay, and I told them that that I didn't know. He'd once asked me if I thought that Tom Cruise was hot, and I said no, to which he said that he thought he was hot. That doesn't make me think he's gay. When people were encouraging me to hit on him, I told them that I wasn't interested because regardless of whether he was gay or bi or sraight or whatever, he simply didn't seem to know himself that well, and that kind of guy didn't interest me...except that he was fun to talk to, and I thought maybe we could be friends. I wrote a poem about him, and I gave it to him, which he said that he liked. We made plans to hang out, and then 2 of our coworkers eventually joined these plans (Candace & Bryan) - we all went to his now ex-gf's house to get his stuff. We went to a bar for awhile, and all ended up back at my place. That night was crazy and a lot of stuff happened that I will never forget. Brandin & I kissed that night. It wasn't a big deal, and he mostly made out with a girl that night. And from what I've seen he's only been with girls, and that's fine. I really only wanted to be friends with him. I was attracted to someone completely different back then, and I just wanted Brandin to know he had a friend (especially after meeting his psycho girlfriend) and that I wanted him to be happy. He later quit or was fired or something...I don't know. I think he just never showed up for work, which upset a lot of people at work, though I don't know why, because he didn't get much done when he was there anyways. That never bothered me though - and that wasn't something I'm saying now to dig into him or anything. I actually ran into his crazy ex about a year later and she looked a lot happier, and like she was in a better mental space; she lookes sane, and I wished her well.

Anyways, I run into Brandin now & again, and it's always been a friendly kind of thing...he even gave me his phone # once, but I never used it. I didn't know what I'd use it for, or what we would do. But today I got a myspace message from him tellimg me that he found this poem on my webpage. I went to his myspace page and his latest blog entry was titled "An old poem FOR me... errrrr" and his mood in the entry (which included the poem) listed his mood as confused. I posted a response there in the comments section that read "Um...why are you confused? I worked with you when I wrote you that poem and you got a copy of it within a week of it's writing. You said you liked it. So...now I'm confused about your confusion.". I haven't gotten a response from him, but there's now another comment there from this girl "Angie" who said "Yeah, I don't like that poem. It's Gay. Literally.". Homophobic bitch.

So...I don't know if Brandin really doesn't remember the poem or what? I mean, not everyone has a memory like mine, as I'm constantly reminded, but it seems like if a guy wrote you a poem you'd remember that no matter what your orientation or gender were, am I right? It's just odd. And that little homophoic twat commenting on it is almost comical...only it's really pretty twisted and cowardly. How do you respond to bullshit like that? Without laughing I mean? How do you point out how stupid someone is being, when their statements are doing the work for you? I'm tempted to write up a storm about this, but I find myself caring less & less about the whole thing.

Well, I'm off to Borders, and to see Mollie. Maybe Carrie & company would be interested in hanging out tonight too ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:25 PM
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   Sunday, April 2, 2006

Mark & I took some pictures last night with Mark's camera. I was going to use mine too, but the battery was dead. I picked up Mollie around 11pm, and gave her brother Kenny a ride to Meijer, where I got a new battery for my camera. I had a blast spending time with Mollie. I showed her the trailers for The Producers, X3, & V for Vendetta, which she now wants to see; I think she'll love that movie. We got Mollie all caught up on Desperate Housewives, and I got her home around 6am; of course we lost an hour last night. I close the store tonight. I just mixed some mashup cds for some friends that requested them.

I need to order Mark's birthday present. I should also get gifts for Jillian, Justin, Jordan & Jonathan. That's a lot of presents. Hmmmmm.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:40 PM
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   Thursday, April 6, 2006

Looks like I got an e-mail from Steve. Cool. Erich's bandmate stopped into Hollywood today and I told him I'd be attending one of their shows this month. I had forgotten how I knew the guy, which was bad. Very Bad. At least I thought so, but he didn't seem to mind. I have today off work, which is good since I have a doctor's appointment (using my newly minted insurance). Besides that I'm not sure what will be going on today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:45 AM
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I ordered Mark's birthday present (his birthday is April 23), and I preordered Justice League Season 2/Superman Volume 3, which will both be released June 20, along with a new Direct-To-Video Superman film called Brainiac Attacks, which I preordered weeks ago. These 2 sets will complete my Superman/Justice League collections. Then all that's left are Justice League Unlimited, Batman Beyond, The Zeta Project, Static Shock, and the Gotham Girls/Lobo Webisodes. I already have all of Batman.

I need to sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:09 AM
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   Saturday, April 8, 2006

So, I tried writing this entry a couple times, and screwed it up a lot, so I just gave up. But maybe third times the charm, and this will work out. Here goes.

So at my Doctor's Appointment, which I made for several different reasons, I learned that almost all of the things bothering me were no big deal, and nothing to worry about. Except for the one thing, which was a little discomfort in my dick, which I figured was most likely a urinary tract infection or something like that. I figured it wasn't an STD because I've barely had sex in the last year or so, and also there was no icky discharge going on. Well, the Doc (who was super cool), told me that I had little calcium crystals, that look like diamonds, in my urin, and this was what was hurting me. She also told me this probably meant that I have a kidney stone. Whoa. Did not excpect that. So she told me to drink lots & lots of fluids (which I have) and to give a slip to the girl to make an appointment for an ultrasound.

Ok. Now I figured that they'd be calling me that day to tell me when the appointment was for. They didn't. Friday morning I called them, and got this really bitchy receptionist who had me repeat everything I said 3 or 4 times, before telling me that my appointment had been made for May 1st!?! I hung up on her. Called Mark. Calmed down, and called back, and got a different receptionist, who was just as freaked out as I was about the news, and put me on hold while she went to find out what the fuck was going on. When she got back she let me know that May 1st was actually the earliest that the place could get me in!!!!

Ok...so I'm freaking out because this pain in my privates, which has been annoying and discomforting, might possibly become a horrifying trauma akin to childbirth (as several people told me), and I can't even confirm that I have a kidney stone. What if something else is going on in there? I don't know. So I called the place on one of the forms they gave me about the ultrasound, and they found an opening for me on April 18, which was still 11 days away, but was a lot sooner than May 1st, so I took it. That one's in Canton.

I went to work, but I made sure I had a lot of water on hand, and I let my coworkers know what was going in. My pain increased, so I called this nurse hotline at the place I usually go, and they told me to take some AZO or Urostat, drink lots of Cranberry Juice & Water - go to the Emergency Room if I felt any pain in my kidneys, or come into the walk in clinic in the morning if my symptoms worsened. My symptems worsened just before I left work - horrible pain in my dick. It was like someone had shoved the lead form a mechanical pencil into my dick. It was not cool.

I went to Kroger and got Water, Pain Killer, the AZO & Urostat, plus Boost, Plates and some other stuff. I picked Mark up from work and we went home where I ate and took the Urostat. Soon after, but before I believe the meds took affect, the pain cleared up, and hasn't returned. I only took one dose of the meds, which is clearly out of my system now, but the pain is still gone. I don't know if maybe I passed the stone, and that's why I was in so much pain, or if I only passed some more fragments. I never felt any pain in my kidneys, which is rare, I guess, in this situation... Maybe I only had those little bits inside me and there was no kidney stone, and it's over. Maybe there was also a urinary infection. I don't know. I'm just gonna continue with the water and cranberry juice. And I'm going to keep the ultrasound, so I can know what's going on in there. And hopefully everything turns out ok.

I think I might have hurt my back lifting some boxes of books earlier though (ouch). I was digging out some Star Wars books I put into storage. Now that I have all of the movies on DVD, I thought I'd read the prequel era stories, and watch the dvds along with them. Though I decided on skipping the Old Republic Era, as that part of the saga seems to be fleshing out, and I'd rather wait and see how that develops first. So... that leaves me with stories set less that 100 years before Episode I; you can see a listing of them here.

Now, if my back hurts from lifting boxes, I have no idea how I'm going to know if my kidneys begin to hurt because apparently that's where my kidneys are. This could be really bad. erg.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:38 PM
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Tha pain has returned. It's worse than it was most of Thursday & Friday, but not as bad as it was at the end of work yesterday. I went around 24 hours with no pain at all though. I don't know if the pain will subside or increase. I took some more of those pills; I'm not supposed to take more than 12 pills in 2 days - including yesterday I've now only taken 4. Hopefully they help to some degree. I'm still drinking lots of cranberry juice & water. Hopefully the pain will pass.

I was just about to call Paul. He's in town for his Grandmother's funeral, and he told me if I felt like company I should call him, but now I'm back to the pain, and wanting to be alone. This sucks.

I'm going to start reading those Star Wars Books now. Hopefully I can distract myself somewhat from my discomfort.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:34 PM
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   Sunday, April 9, 2006

I watched Brokeback Mountain on DVD last night. Jennifer had left a message on my phone saying that she & Tracy were finally going to see it, and I thought it would be neat to watch it again, and then talk to her about it. I liked it more the 2nd time, and I'm really glad I own it. I watched all the extras. The pain subsided during the viewing, but didn't leave altogether.

I woke up this morning with no pain except the horrible migraine kind, which I took 2 midrin for, and has since disappeared. I haven't been in any kidney stone kind of pain today, which I'm grateful for. I caught up on some e-mail. I'm doing some laundry in preperation for work... And I ate, while drinking lots of water.

I can't seem to make up my mind lately. I mean... I keep changing my mind about really stupid things. Yesterday I was all about reading Star Wars... and today I kind of want to box all the books up again, and change things in my room again. I don't know where all this indecision is coming from, but part of me is amused, while the other part is just confused. Whatever.

I really like my GLBT movie collection. I kind of feel like I should have a book collection too, but I wouldn't know where to put it. I wish I had more shelves. I wish I had more movies, and books. I'm so greedy lately.

And while I'm wishing for things, I wish I had more cash to get more movies. I bought some this weekend while I was trying to distract myself from the horrible pain I was feeling, and in retrospect I really shouldn't have. I only have about $100.00 in my savings, and that's really pathetic. Plus, I owe Mark a bunch of money for the car. I used to have money in the bank, but I spent almost all of it on Mark's birthday party last year, which was wonderful, and a perfect day, but since then, my spending has depleted my account to next to nothing. Mark used to buy me movies, but we can't afford it anymore, which sucks, because I was used to getting my little movie fix on a weekly basis. I should just not buy anything for awhile and save my money. But then I see a movie for my shelf and I forget all about that. I have an addiction. I should make a list of the movies I want most, and get 1 a week or something, so that I can keep ordering, but not go broke. I'm such a pussy sometimes.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:56 PM
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   Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Work on Monday went great, with no pain. I actually haven't felt any since Saturday night, which is fantastic...I think. I'm not sure how this works exactly, and I won't know until my ultrasound on the 18th, and my followup with the doc on the 20th. Hopefully everything will sort itself out.

I worked with DJ and Bryan most of the day, and we had a lot of fun. It's so cool talking to DJ about Buffy now, because he really GETS it now, and enjoys it a lot. It's cool how Bryan, DJ and I are all around the same age, and yet so different, but friendly, and affectionate. ;-0) Joe, Heidi, and Bobby eventually joined my work day, and all were appreciated. Matt & Pat both stopped in around the same time. We have a really great mix of people at Hollwood, and I'm really glad to be part of that, though I'm slightly burnt out on the customer/guest side of things, which I bonded with DJ about.

I worked a about an hour over, waiting for Mark, but I didn't mind. After we got home, I read the new Advocate, watched Mark's footage of his adorable nephew, and then took a nap. I woke up around 10:30pm, and since then I've been kind of out of it. I considered going to Necto for Factory Night (goth night), but I'm pretty sure there's a band playing or something, and I wasn't in the mood. I finally set up an about me page on e-bay, which you can see here. I'm going to eat soon, and maybe do some reading, but I'm not sure. I feel really restless.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:51 AM
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   Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I didn't end up working today; Matt called just before I was set to roll out of bed to tell me that they were dead slow, and that if I wanted I could skip work. That was cool, because I got to sleep in, and then get the car from Mark, and mail my taxes out. I also got groceries, and made some more JLU tapes for Nate & Pat. While I waited for Mark to get out of work I called Steve, Joy, Carrie, Courntey & Linda Riker. Linda called me back, but her phone was messing up really bad, and I couldn't make out a lot of what was being said; it sucked.

When I got home, I ate, and Carrie called me back, but comcast called and I had to take care of that, so I didn't get to talk to Carrie. I also had to get ready to go see Erich's band play at the Elbow Room. I shouldn't have bothered, but I didn't know that at the time. I looked really good. I saw Erich, and Adam, and I met this guy David who was also playing, and later I met Amanda, who plays with Erich & Adam. It was all going nice, and I was looking forward to the show... But then I asked Erich why he hadn't been into Hollywood lately, and he told me it was because of the 3 messages I'd left him a while back. Now - he gave me his phone # so we could hang out. He lost my phone #, and came into the video store to get the # again, and asked me if we could hang out 2 weeks from that night. After those 2 weeks passed, and I hadn't heard from him, I called him, and left a message. When I didn't hear back from him a few days later, I left another message. And a few days later I left a final message, in which I was a little weird; I'd just got out of work, and I was laughing with and at Heidi, but I was just playing around and it wasn't anything scary. But this creeped Erich out. He said the first 2 messages were fine. He did not say why he didn't call me back after those first 2 messages... only that he doesn't usually do that. So I have no clue why he got my phone # (twice!); he told me it was because he didn't want to hurt my feelings... um... that doesn't make any sense. Even if it was only the first time it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, but to then come to me and get the phone # again - so as to not hurt my feelings... doesn't make any sense. Regardless, the tactic didn't work, and he hurt me. He said that I shouldn't feel weird and that this was all his fault and that he was an asshole, and I agreed. I asked him why he led me to believe we would be hanging out, and that I'd get to see his wife (who he said wanted to meet me) and Cheryl again, if he was weirded out - but he now said that he doesn't want to hang out with me - that we probably don't have a lot in common, and that he has to take care of his sick wife, and that between that and his band, he needs to concentrate on the friends that he already has. How shitty is that? He told me his wife is really sick, and that she's only gone out twice in the last year because of her health problems, which is really sad, and I feel really bad for her, and bad for me too, because I was really looking forward to meeting her. He said he reacts badly when people have crushes on him, and said that I used that word about him once in conversation. And I did have a crush on him, but I'm attracted to a lot of people, and I have crushes on more than one of them, and almost all of these people are my friends, and they are all aware of my feelings. The 1st of the 2 poems that I wrote about him bothered him because of the meter, and possibly the content - but I actually asked if I should write about him (which I don't think I've ever done before - for anybody else) and he encouraged me to do so! And I even discussed what the content would be, and he was still cool with it. And the poetry is all about how he's hot, but that he's a lot like people in the past that I've met and been attracted to, but became really good friends with. How is that scary? I'm just so disappointed, and pissed off, and hurt right now. I feel like I just lost a really good friend, and several potentially good friends, for no real reason, or not one that makes any sense. It doesn't make sense to me. At all. Which makes it worse. He apologised. I told him I was sorry if any of this crap was my fault, and that I hoped his wife would get better, and wished his band well, but that I was leaving. He said he could get me my cover fee back, but I just left.

After I left there were these 2 guys standing by my car, who called me a faggot. I told them that yeah, I am a faggot, and I waited for them to jump me. I felt like I knew I was gonna get thrashed, but I also felt like I was going to enjoy jamming my keys into the one guy's face. They didn't do anything, and seemed shocked that I'd spoken up. I got in the car - taking my time - daring them to try something, and when they did nothing, I pulled away.

I almost cried. I called Mollie, but she didn't answer. She called me back after she got my message with sounded dire. She made me feel better, and helped affirm my perspective. erg. I talked to Mark when I got home. I feel better. I just... what a waste. I really, really liked him. Not just... I wanted to be his friend, and I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to meet Erin, and to see Cheryl again, and I was really excited about having made these friends! And that's all gone now, for no reason that I can make sense of. It's all so stupid. And I didn't expect that at all.

I called Steve, but he hasn't called me back. I feel like I could go out again now. I might. I'd really like to see Steve again soon. I feel like a lot of my problems lately... or not problems exactly, but little things that I've kept to myself that have been holding me back from being myself are coming to light lately. And it's good. And I'm good. ;-0)

The whole Erich thing is one weird story in my wacky weird life. And now that others have confirmed this, and I know I'm not turning into my insane father, I'm good. Or I'm in shock, and have gone numb. One or the other.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:24 PM
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   Thursday, April 13, 2006

What a strange night! First there was the senseless death of a blooming friendship, that left me reeling... And then I just bounced right back! It...was so...I don't know. I just know I did nothing wrong, and that I'm proud of everything I did do; no regrets, and that's a great feeling. When that feeling hit me, I called Steve, and then went to Aut Bar on the off chance that Robert would be there, so I could give him his cd. He was. Franklin, Fabio, Garrett & James were all there too. Matt was there as well, and I had a great time chatting away. Matt & I fit very well together...like physically, very well...but I don't know if we could ever...you know.

After the bar, Robert, Franklin, Garrett and I sat in Robert's shoebox and sang. Robert was so excited about his cd, and when he later played my cd intro, Garrett and Franklin, who had heard it many times in the past, were told that it was me, and they both seemed impressed, which was nice to hear. The singing was fabulous; I love it when we sing together...they bring out The Voice. ;-0) Mark called a couple times, worried about me, but he talked to Robert and got to hear us sing, before he went to bed. Wow.

Earlier, at the bar, just after I found out Robert was there, and went out to get his cd, Steve called me back. He was on his way home to make some dinner, and then sleep, before starting his day all over tomorrow. It was good to hear his voice, and I want to see him soon, but he mentioned for the first time that he's going away for 2 months. I didn't know about this, and I was disappointed, but we'll still be in touch, so it's not that big a deal. ;-0)

I should sleep, but I'm so wired now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:56 AM
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   Friday, April 14, 2006

Paul came over around 3:30pm, I think, or he left for here around then. We had a really nice visit, and Mark joined us soon enough. I called Jennifer and got the Paul/Jennifer thing all squared away, and we went to drop off my movies (and talked to Heidi about the Erich thing last night - to which she was equally shocked and confused) and got pizza. We watched "Score" as I thought it might appeal to Paul's 70's straight porn fixation, and it was a blast! ;-0) By the time he left, around midnight, I was exhausted. I stroked off, for the first time in days, showered, and now I'm writing this. I'll probably record some more JLU and get some reading in before oblivion.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:04 AM
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   Saturday, April 15, 2006

Work was all about the annoying customers on Friday. There was one customer in particular who returned a dvd, and told me that another Hollywood employee had left them a message letting them know they had a movie checked out (the account was noted that they had been called after the standard 30 days - before that point we just assume they know they have the movie, because we assume that our customers aren't stupid). She said she came in after the message and spoke to someone and told them she didn't think that she had the movie, but the person she spoke to told her that it wasn't a big deal, but that they had just done a full store inventory, and that if she could just check at home, that would be great. She did check at home, and she found the movie, but she then said (this is the part that hurts my brain), that since she didn't realize she still had the movie, she felt that I should delete her 40-something-dollar late fee...because, she obviously wasn't responsible for returning a movie that she rented if she forgot that she had it!?! I told her I could cut the fee in half, and also reminded her that she did not even have to pay her fees in order to rent, but she didn't like that at all. She said that if I couldn't delete the whole fee she would just buy the movie. I explained that if she wanted the movie, and bought it for herself that would be fine, but that the fees would still be on her account. People have fees on their accounts for every day that the movie they've rented hasn't been in the store, and hasn't been paid for, and isn't available to other people, who want to pay for it. People generally buy movies, only when they've lost them, and want to replace the movie for the store, rather than deal with a collection agency. That doesn't mean that their fees go away. But our store policy is that if someone has fees on their account, that's ok, and that if they want to rent they don't have to pay, which I don't understand why people are so upset that they have late fees, if they feel like they don't deserve them, because they don't have to pay them if they feel that way. It's one of those things that bothers me. Well, this woman wanted to talk to a manager, because even though she was a good customer (as she told me repeatedly, even though she's ALWAYS been really snippy), I didn't feel like I could delete a huge fee like that for such a stupid reason. I would have considered it if she had been in a hospital, or sick, or grief stricken or something, but her reasoning was just really shitty. She asked me to tell the manager to call her when he returned to the store (he was at the bank), but I told her that it wasn't store policy to call customers in this instance, and that if she could just call back before 5pm he would most likely be in the store. This whole time I was really polite. I didn't raise my voice, or return her snippy remarks, or (and this was realy hard not to do) laugh, and I was a little scared that she was going to attack me. In retrospect, it might have been best to just delete the damned thing, but I've never been asked to delete a fee that was so huge, and for no good reason, so I was thrown. And shaving off half of the fee would have saved her more than $20.00 that she so obviously, legitimately owes the store, so I think that was a huge favor, that she didn't even consider. Anyway... that was the major bad customer I had, but there were some nice ones too; there are just days where the annoying ones number higher than there's any reason for them too. And for the record, since we have such a great group of people working at the store right now, it's the customers who make or break my job these days, and for the most part I have some really great customers, for which I'm really very grateful. I think I should tell the really great ones how much I appreciate them ;-0)

We were busy at times, but it was mostly dead after 5pm. I would have left early, but I got dropped off at work. I took an hour lunch, but still worked a bit over. I left a cd for DJ with the Buffy Musical soundtrack on it, plus other Buffy tracks, and a Queen mashup he asked for. I'm going to go into the store later to return some movies, talk to DJ about the days I need off this week (for my ultrasound & followup), and hopefully talk to him about Buffy as well! ;-0)

After work, I worked on a special project for awhile, ate, and later slept. I woke up around midnight, and talked to Mark about hooking up the old recorder on the downstairs computer so I could get some recording done soon. I tried watching Eden, but it's basically softcore straight porn, with a crappy soapy story. I'm going to give Footballers Wive$ a shot; I've heard that there are some hot gay storylines in the current, 3rd season; we have the first 2 at work.

I read a thing about Buffy & lesbianism last night online, and it mentioned that the Tara/Willow relationship was & remains the longest running lesbian/bisexual romance in broadcast television history (not cable), and that the love scene in the final season was the first lesbian love scene on television. Wow. Buffy rocks! They mentioned the major 3 lesbians on the show, but they didn't mention the girls from the bar in season 6's "Smashed", and the lesbians on campus in the 4th Season, not to mention gay characters like Larry, and... was there only Larry? lol It seemed like Andrew was gay, but then... I would say he either had major issues, or was bi. There were gay characters and references sprinkled throughout Angel as well. Anyways... the point is, it got me wanting to watch some Buffy, so I watched 4 Season 7 episodes, including the final 3. I think the show ends very well, but I wish they had stuck with the original script.

Anyway... I should get up and ready, and go to Hollywood.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:12 PM
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   Monday, April 17, 2006

Haven't been able to get to sleep. I worked on Mark's track a bit more, though I can't talk about it, as it's a surprise. I hope I can finish it in time for his birthday; it's very complicated. I have other gifts for him, but this one is super special. Of course I could give it to him on my birthday. lol

I watched "Breakfast On Pluto" which was enjoyable, if not fantastic, and I think Mollie would really really enjoy it. Speaking of Mollie, I really, REALLY want to take her to see V for Vendetta this week if I can. I really want to see it again, and she wants to see it now too, so that would rock. I've been trying to get in touch with Carrie over the last few days, but we keep missing each other. I haven't heard from Paul or Steve since Thursday.

Work was sometimes busy, sometimes dead last night. It was an odd mix of people. As far as workers go, it was me, Nate and Andrea, plus Heidi stopped by later on. I love Andrea, but her frequent smoke breaks seem excessive, and long. She even took a 10 minute one 25 minutes before she was scheduled to leave. That's pretty lame. I know that smokers have a craving for cigarettes, but it doesn't seem fair that they get all these breaks so they can poison themselves. If it's a once in awhile thing it really doesn't bother me, but when it's every shift that I work with the person, and they go on 2 or 3 of them, and it's not a quick fix kind of thing...it's just really lame & annoying. Which is too bad because Andrea is cool when she actually WORKS.

I watched some Buffy at work, and may watch more later. I'm so tired, but I can't get to sleep. Probably because I slept all of yesterday. I had a horrible nightmare that Mark had killed this woman five years ago, and the FBI were close to discovering this, and when I confronted Mark to tell me what was going on, he told me his secret, and how he had killed this woman in cold blood - it was so gross - and then he had hidden parts of her in our bathroom wall. The FBI was putting up these walls around our condo, and a gunfight was imminent. I went out to them and turned myself in, and explained that I had just learned the truth, and they called me a fag, and when I talked about how much I loved Mark, this guy laughed like I was crazy, and I screamed at him about how we'd been together for more than 10 years and that shut him up... his partners looked pissed at him too. I woke up around then. It was really strange. I think most of it was because our neighbors were working on something in their bathroom, and I could hear the pounding.

I'm gonna try to sleep again now. Mark is taking the bus to work, which means I can sleep a little bit longer, and I can leave work on time. That's nice of him, though I wonder if it doesn't have anything to do with the hottie girl who he noticed taking the bus the last time he was bussing it to work, a few weeks ago. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:19 AM
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   Thursday, April 20, 2006

I just finished watching the 3rd Season of The L Word. I liked it. I mean, I still like the show. I really enjoy it actually, and that's all I'm gonna say because I have friends that haven't finished watching it, and I don't want to spoil anything for them.

I had my ultrasound on Tuesday, and I have a doctor's appointment today, so maybe I'll actually have some answers soon? I took Mark, Mollie & Bryan to see V for Vendetta Tuesday night. Bryan & Mollie liked the movie, Mark thought the movie was ok, but his viewing was complicated by assholes at the theater, and he wasn't happy with the volume of the movie; he says he's never going there again. I really don't blame him. Theaters just aren't as fun as they used to be. More often than not, there are annoying people in the theater that talk all through the movie, often times on cell phones. When I do go, I enjoy earlier shows, where there are less people. And I find myself wanting to go to more shows by myself, and just lose myself in the movie. Is that weird? Bryan wants us all to see X3 on opening night, and that doesn't bother me; we all saw X2 opening night (at different shows) and it was a blast. Sometimes audiences can be cool. Opening nights at fan favorites (X-Men, Serenity) tend to rock, because everyone is there to SEE & HEAR the movie, and most people don't make noise except when it seems to make sense. I'm looking forward to X3.

The track for Mark is kicking my ass. The words (my words) are simple, and direct, but I find myself wanting to edit them done to their most concise form...and yet I want to tell him so many things! This is actually emblemanic of all of my recordings. I find the long ones, even though they are from the heart, can be boring, and I don't want that for him. I want something that is...perfection. Or at the very least, not annoying. I'll keep working on it, but if it's not done on his birthday... I wish it could be, but I think it might not be, and that's got me a bit down. But really, it doesn't matter when I give it to him, as long as he knows how I feel, and I know that he does. This is just...something extra. ;-0) I love him.

I let DJ borrow the final season of Buffy and the final 3 of Angel. He's really digging it. He wants me to make a list for him of all the episodes, with a blurb after each title ("the one with the tragic bride's maids dresses") so he can rate them! That's so something I have done, because I am a huge geek with issues. lol He loves the Buffy Musical Soundtrack I gave him, and told me he listens to it in the car, and that it made him cry. It's really cool to have another friend who enjoys the show like I do. ;-0) He wants to come over and play the Buffy board game sometime. Sounds like fun.

Bryan & Chris are officially engaged; they got a ring. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure it's beautiful. They both seem really happy, and I think that everyone who has the pleasure of knowing them, knows that this is right, and wonderful. They are just so....I'm so happy for them!!! Mollie was telling me that Bryan's mother Di wants us all to come hang out with her for cards or something soon, and that she loves feeding Mark. She was also asking what she could cook that I would eat...um...good luck.

About my eating. I don't talk about this often, because it's embarassing. I don't eat other people's cooking...like at their houses. I just...don't. The closest I've ever come is when I had a whole bunch of Coffee that Christopher made me when I was with him in Windsor, circa May 2000. The coffee was good, and the sex was good, and it was fun. ;-0) Plus we watched Buffy, and straight porn; lol. What's not to love?

When I was younger I had this crazy, CRAZY Father, who had some freaky rules about eating. And a lot of that stayed with me for my life. And when I tried to get over that...when I tried to see food as something that wasn't hurtful, or painful, or whatever...I starting trying new things. Not all at once, but baby steps. I had chicken, which I loved, and I had a hamburger which was good, and I started eating pizza when I was in high school (and I never really stopped), but then I had all these acid type problems hit me and then food became something painful again, and something that I wish I could just do without, even though there are a lot of things I do enjoy eating. But there are so many things that I don't eat that most people do. A lot of it outright disgusts me, which I know isn't normal, and probably not right, but this part of my life is really, really complex. Food is just this really confusing thing for me. I don't get it. And I don't think I ever will. But it was so much worse when I was in grade school. I can't even express it. But I visit my mom, and I see our old house, and I can see why I had issues. It wasn't just my dad. Our house is so GROSS, no one should have to live there. I actually stopped eating my mom's cooking very early on. I think my mom did the best that she could do...but...ok - that's a lie. I think she could have done better, but doesn't choose to, and I don't know why. She used to smoke cigarettes while she cooked (like the mom does for comedy on Married...With Children) - the kitchen was always filthy (ALWAYS). And when we (we meaning everyone who was not my mother) tried to clean it we actually got in trouble. Isn't that crazy? That's like horrific crazy. I think about this everytime I go home, and I just feel so lucky that I've survived at all, and that I'm not in that environment anymore.

I spoke to my cousin Joy the other day. It was really great talking with her, if only for about 20 minutes. She's doing well, though she has a cold. She just got done teaching a class on gothic/horror stories and films...I think. Wacky, huh? She's got about another year (she thinks) and she'll hopefully have her PHD. I want to talk to her again sometime soon, in person. We haven't really been in touch in more than a decade, and I just think it would be a lot of fun to exchange stories.

I have to drop Mark off at the dentist, go to my doctor's appoinment, pick Mark up, drop Mark off, and come back here. And pick Mark up from work at 6pm. I don't really have any other plans today, which is oddly comforting. I got some TLA catalogs in the mail yesterday, and I think I left them at work yesterday. I'll drop by later and get them, I guess.

And now, I'm going to get a snack, and maybe read for awhile, or something.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:05 AM
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   Friday, April 21, 2006

My doctor's appointment went fine; it seems I passed the kidney stone, just as I had suspected, and there don't seem to be any more (yay!). I was in & out in like 15 minutes. I had dropped Mark off at the dentist before the visit, and when I went to pick him up, I made an appointment for myself. I haven't seen a dentist in a few years, and I probably have a cavity or something. I started seeing a dentist again back in 2000 I think, but the place was in Ohio, and it was a pain to drive out there...so I switched to this guy in Ann Arbor, but he was so horrible. He was mean, and he hurt me. And I just didn't want to ever see a dentist again after that. Later we learned he wasn't even licenced. But this place seems really nice, and Mark seems happy there, so I'm up for it. ;-0) It's really nice having insurance and Mark says he's happy I'm taking advantage of it, which I'm also enjoying. ;-0)

About Mark's track. I could rush it, and it would be nice, and everything, but I've decided I'm going to take it slow. I'm thinking about doing a cd with tracks for my close friends, with messages for them... But this would be something special. Usually when I finish a track I have to show it to everyone and get feedback (I'm a Leo), but I'd like to try to finish all these tracks and then give it to my friends all at once or something. Maybe Christmas, or something like that. I think that would rock. Only I might need Mark's help with the cover, since our latest printer sucks. erg. Anyways, I feel good about this decision, though I'm a little worried about not finishing it. I haven't finished a cd project in years.

I watched "Straight Acting" & "B. Monkey" tonight. Love my GLBT inclusive collection; very interesting movies! I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but when Paul was here he asked about 2 queer titles, that of course I don't own (bitch), but I was aware of both of them, and I want them. lol Books & DVDs. I collect them. Also Fan/Het/Slash art, and music. But I impulsivly buy the GLBT dvds. I want my collection to be COMPLETE. ;-) When my tax return gets here, I know I'll be tempted to spend it, when I should probably just keep it in the bank...

...though, I'd really like a bike, and the saftey equipment to ride around town, possilby to work. That would be fun, and good exercise, and save on gas. It's a thought anyways. I feel like I'm way out of shape. And tired. I'm very tired. I should sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:25 AM
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Motherfucker! Sometimes when I'm typing an entry, I'll accidentally hit a few keys with the palm of my hand, and I'll somehow delete the entire post. It really fucking sucks!!!!!!

Besides that my day has gone very well. Work was good. Our new District Manager (Gloria) was with us today; she used to work with us years ago, and she really fits in. She's easily the best DM we've ever had while I've been at Hollywood. The day went by super quick. Especially since I'm still supposed to be there, but DJ said I could go if I wanted because of labor hours being low. I said sure, and here I am.

DJ is now half way through Season 7 of Buffy, and will most likely have finished the series by the time I see him again. I have Saturday, Sunday & Wednesday off for sure. I don't know what my schedule is like beyond that.

When I got home, I learned that Star Trek XI has been announced by Paramount, and that it will be a prequel to Classic Trek featuring the story of how young Kirk & Spock met at the academy, and their first mission in space. I think this could be fabulous if handled correctly. It could be funny, and sweet, and really cool - just think of all those futuristic-retro hair styles!!! ;-0) lol It would be nice to have something that could make Classic Trek look cool again too. And a nice bridge between Enterprise and Classic Trek. JJ Abrams (ALIAS/Lost/Felicity/Mission Impossible III) is doing it, and I hope it's good.

I'm tempted to watch the latest ALIAS episodes tonight, but I'm also tempted to hold off on them until the show is finished, and then watch them all at once. That might be cool...if I can hold out!

I'm really very tired. But I'm afraid that if I take a nap now I won't wake up to pick up Mark. I think I might have a snack, shower, put on some shorts or something... Whatever I do, I'm done here.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:50 PM
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I caved. I watched ALIAS. And I screamed at the tv. I begged one character to shoot another. And then I cried. A lot. And then at the last second...I cheered, with my hands in the air. The last 3 episodes of ALIAS have been so good; like Season 2 good! There are only 4 more episodes to go. The truth is I really enjoy this show, except for the one plot hole they never, ever fixed. Beyond that it's all good. I'm gonna get some food, and I might go out later.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:34 PM
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   Saturday, April 22, 2006

I went to Aut Bar, and ran into several old friends. Matt & his friend were leaving just as I was arriving. Matt & I have known each other for years, but lately I've been wondering about maybe getting to know him better. He's really nice, and funny, and we fit together well. ;-0)

After Aut Bar I hit Necto, where Matt was going. I met tons of people, and saw old friends, often just in passing. I saw Scott & Travis, (Becky was at Labyrinth!?!). My disturbingly handsome friend James gave me this huge hug, which gave me a hardon, that was more than obvious to him, and his friends, which was hot & funny all at the same time. Robert was working and he looked so cool; he wants to go to City Club in May, as does Matt ;-0) Sounds like that could be really hot. There was a cute latino boy that flirted with me, named Frankie. He lives with his parents in Detroit, and has no car; he's 27, and he's living at home because he was having problems with depression. I've been there...done that. There was a cute blonde boy that always seemed to be around me, and I wanted to let him know he was cute, and that he shouldn't be so shy, but everytime I was about to, someone would pull me aside, and I couldn't find him when the bar closed. That's my one regret from the night. I did however dance with Matt, and that was a lot of fun. Plus we had a nice kiss goodnight. They played a remix of SOS by Rhianna at the end of the night (which I'd never heard); I thought they were playing Tainted Love and really danced hard; it rocked! I had a lot of fun. I didn't dress goth either. I was wearing colors, and I didn't wear any makeup or jewelry! It was like a vaction from me.

Anyways - had a blast - really glad I went. I should go to Kroger and get some groceries, but I'm not sure I have the energy now. I'm all smokey, so I should take a shower. I'd like to watch more ALIAS but no more new episodes have aired. Maybe I could watch the entire series from the beginning over the course of the next 4 weeks, and watch the last 4 episodes after that...but I don't know that I want to take the time to do that. DJ asked me how ALIAS was, and I didn't give it a great review, but I'd like to see it all again on DVD, really fast... Maybe. I'm hungry.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:19 AM
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I've watched the first 4 episodes of ALIAS. I don't enjoy it as much now, as I once did. This is just a side effect of my memory being so good, I think. But there are still moments that shine. The think the pilot episode is easily the best television pilot that I've ever seen. Everyone is perfectly cast; even the bit players. The music, lighting, tone, and all of that is great. And all the characters and backstories are introduced without seeming like a huge introduction - it just seems natural. ALIAS was great television, and I'm glad I got to experience it.

I had the best orgasm today. It was just...WOW! It was nice. I was moaning so loud that Mark heard me through my closed bedroom door! I really needed that after last night.

I might go out tonight, but I'm not sure. I don't know what I'm doing tonight.

I gave Mark his b-day presents today, instead of tomorrow. They weren't the overwhelming gifts of last year, but I gave him stuff that I thought he would enjoy. I wish I could afford to do HUGE things for him every year...

I've never taken the public bus before. Ever. Mark might teach me how tomorrow. I think that would be fun. I might go for a walk later. I guess I might do a lot of things later. I should get in touch with Paul and see how home life is going, and how Michelle's baby turned out.

I'm gonna go now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:36 PM
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   Sunday, April 23, 2006

Pardon the spelling errors. All my fault. I'm just not in the mood to even try to fix them today.

Mark is sad. It's his birthday & he's sad, and I don't know what to do. He wanted to go out today. My stomach is really upset; much moreso than it's been in a long time. I wanted to go out with him today, but I don't think that's a good idea now. He had plans with his Father for today, but he cancelled them to be with me, which sucks for him now. He tried to get his dad to take him out yesterday instead, but his dad didn't get the e-mail until yesterday, and he had to go in to work. I gave him his presents yesterday, and this morning when I got groceries, I got him extra Zebra Cakes (which he's hooked on), and a card with some multi-colored roses, and we watched some Dawson's Creek. With my limited funds, and current ailment, I've done the best that I can to give him a good birthday; the 2nd such effort in less than a year, though this one is obviously more muted than the birthday blowout of last August. I feel bad, which makes my stomach hurt worse. Ugh.

I'm getting a pimple. Probably because I've been having little bites of chocolate lately. I'm not supposed to have it because of the caffeine, but it hasn't bothered me as of yet, and I don't think my stomach probablem today has anything to do with that. The chocolate thing will pass. I'm giving it up again after my current stockpile disolves.

Mark's in the shower; he decided he's going to Pizza House by himself. He only went out to get some food yesterday, and he really wants to get out of the condo today. I didn't realize it was that important to him. My stomach is actually not hurting as badly now as it was earlier, so maybe when he gets out I'll see if we can still go to Red Robin.

I went to Aut Bar last night to see Matt, who was tending bar and looking really busy. I saw Marc again, and chatted him up for awhile. I saw this guy that looked really familiar, but I was locked in conversation mode, and the guy seemed to leave. When I decided I was going to leave and go grocery shopping...I went downstairs to say goodbye to Terry, and the guy was sitting at the bar. I joined him, and struck up a conversation, with the familiar looking (and hot looking) guy - who I later drove back to his hotel (the Bell Tower Hotel - room 304?).

Ok...Mark just got out of the shower, but he jumped right on the phone; I think he's talking to his mom. I could go tell him now that we can go, but I don't want to piss him off after saying we could go, then saying we couldn't and then changing my mind again. Ok. Mark is going to go see his mom, which I told him sounded nice. His mom has really been nice in the last few years, and the only reason I'm wary of her is because of my scary memory; I see her, and feel the bruises, and see the knife. Maybe I'll go for a walk later.

Mark just came into my room, and told me that when he & his mother went to visit Marcus's son, his mother told him a story about his father. Mark was telling me this story and he just started shaking and weeping; I haven't seen him do that in years. I'm really glad he told me, and now I'm really glad that he's going to him mom's house. I'd offer to go, because I think he would like me to go, and for us all to get along, but I'm not sure my stomach is up to a longer car ride, and I don't want to make him cut his visit short just for me, you know? So I just hugged him, and let him borrow one of my shirts. I hope they have a great evening.

The story Mark told was that when his parents divorced they sold their home, and each got half of the selling price. Mark's dad sued of custody of the kids, which in retrospect doesn't make a lot of sense, because he has never seemed to really want the kids; it sounds like he just wanted the kids so that their mother wouldn't have them. That kind of bullshit happens all the time in divorce cases...but maybe his dad did want the kids back then, and that changed - or Mark's mom said some crazy things too - I don't know. But as Mark's life has unfolded, Mark's dad has mostly been an asshole, and Mark's mom has mostly been supportive, even with her lapses now and again. It's very obvious that Mark's mother loves him very much. And I don't know how his dad feels - he just...he's very odd. Anyways - apparently Mark's dad had an affair with the babysitter. I forgot to type that first. During the divorce, Mark's dad (Roger) told Mark's mother (Maria) that he was going to make her use all her money to try to keep the kids, and then he when she was broke, he would take the kids - and that's what happened. Roger also had Maria checked into a mental hospital. We knew that she had been in a mental hospital, which doesn't shock me, or scare me, or change my opinion of her one way or another. My dad has lived in several such institutions, my step-father works at one, and I stayed on a mental ward myself once...or something similar... This news hit Mark really hard, and I can only assume that it's been horrible having that knowledge bottled up inside him. The whole moment was surreal. So now I feel really good about staying home, actually. I feel like they should have a nice time together, and maybe sometime in the future, I can tag along. Mark said that if he knew that what Roger had told Maria back when he was a kid, that he would have told her not to spend any of her money on them, and that if Roger got custody, they would just run away and live with her. That's so sweet, and even more so coming from someone who's crying their heart out... It was almost like Mark was a little boy again sitting on my bed. It was beautiful in a way, and so sad, and so intense, but the story only lasted about 3 minutes, and then the crying stopped, and he got ready. It was so strange. One of those strange moments in time. But I thanked him for telling me the story, and I meant it. Makes me wonder what other stories I've missed.

So back to the guy I met at Aut Bar. His name is Tony (I know his full name, but I'm not gonna post it here), and he's a math teacher in Chicago, where he currently lives. He teaches at the collegic level, and feels he wouldn't have the patience for high schoolers or elementary. He used to live in Ann Arbor about 5 years ago, when he lived here, also because of a teaching position; he's originally from New Jersey. He's the same age as me; only 4 months younger, his birthday is something like December 15, 1974. He was just here for the weekend, revisiting the city. He likes to visit cities and 'take them in', and he has a fondness for older rundown kind of cities, like Ypsilanti & Detroit. He once visited Grand Rapids on a 4th of July with some reluctant friends along for the ride (he talked them into it by saying they could get dinner there - but everything was closed). He has a brother & a sister. He came out when he was 19, I think. He likes both men & women, but prefers men; he thinks most women wouldn't want a bisexual man. The first guy he ever fooled around with was named Derik, and they just jacked off together, not touching each other, and that was hot. He's a versatile top, who hasn't dated in a year, but has had sex in that time, having been fucked a few months ago, and fooled around with a fuck buddy about a month ago. He has a webpage, though I don't know the address; I didn't ask for it. He went to my webpage last night, and he liked it. He had a gay.com chat room opened on his computer and so he probably has an account there. He has a scar on his abdoman from a car accident when he was 3 years old, in the car by himself, and he moved the gear shift or break or something, and they thought he was bleeding internally, and did this surgery, only to learn that he was fine. He has a scar on his chest from when he was 4 years old and poured scalding hot water onto himself; he's not a masochist, he was just really curious. He's Itallian. His back was hairless, and smooth - Obviously we talked a lot of the night. We fooled around in a completely safe way (he had 1 non-magnum condom, and no lube), and I had a really good time, while getting to know a really interesting guy. I left his hotel a little after 4am, got groceries, and returned home. It was really nice.

After the Dawson's Creek watching with Mark (we have 5 discs total left from the entire series), Mark went to bed to read some more of his V for Vendetta graphic novel, and then sleep, and I read some Star Wars before I slept. I had a dream that my co-worker Nate was gay, and that he started dating my ex-gf Jennifer because I had gone out with her. It was weird. I was pissed off at him in the dream, because I thought he was going to hurt Jennifer. I know what inspired this dream. I read this thing about suspected gay/bisexual men, and one of them was Tom Cruise, and the blurb next to his name said something about this being the cause of his failed marriages to Mimi & Nicole, and the reason why he'd never had any biological kids before...except now he has one with KH. I couldn't care less about Tom's orientation, but I'm pretty sure that's what inspired this dream, because...since I didn't care about Tom I've never given that stuff any thought, and for a split second there I thought about how if that were true, then I felt so sorry for his wives, and then I moved on. Of course I've seen tabloid headlines about him being gay, or whatever, and I've seen reports of him taking people to court for saying they slept with him or something, but I never really thought about it before. And I guess I still don't, I just had to think about it again now because of the dream. So now I'm done.

I woke up not feeling that great, which is because I ate really soon before sleeping. I stayed up for awhile. Our internet connection really sucks lately, and I guess some people are coming out to fix it on Wednesday. I went back to sleep, where I had other strange dreams, that I can't quite recall now. I do remember it had something to do with Janice & I on vaction when we were younger, and Janice playing a piano. It was weird. I woke up feeling even less rested, and my stomach even more upset. I brushed my teeth, and went to the computer where I started replying to some e-mail to distract me. And then I also started looking to see what dvd I should get this week, and that's when Mark came into my room and I told him I didn't feel like going out. He just left about 2 minutes ago, after bring my phone in from the car, where I left it last night.

So that's what's been going on.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:21 PM
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   Monday, April 24, 2006

I'm bored. I'm having trouble sleeping - probably because it's really warm in my room. I don't work today, so I feel less pressure to sleep. I might go to Necto tonight; I haven't gone to Factory Night in ages; it could be fun. I work Tuesday. I know I have Wednesday off, because I asked for it off because of my dentist appointment, which I'm kind of nervous about. And I just remembered that when I was there they gave me a form to fill out and I have no clue what I did with it; fuck! I have Saturday off too. I almost certainly work on Friday, and I have no idea if I work Thursday. I'll get my hours on Tuesday, if not sooner.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:24 AM
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   Saturday, April 29, 2006

I was just havng the most fabulous dream, about school, and my sisters, and church, and my grandparents, and death, and we were all watching the 4th Season of the L Word on DVD and the opening of the disc was this candlight intro by the cast doing this major poetry piece that was completely rocking my world! And then a knock on my door. Maybe he'll go away if I don't answer; let me listen to the poetry. A knock at my door. Again. Damn. Leave me alone PLEASE. Now it sounds like he's opening my door to double check. Maybe he isn't though, but my imagining he was pulled me the fuck out of that heaven of lesbians kicking ass with words, candles and deeds(like Buffy before me!) and now I'm here, and annoyed and pissed off.

I haven't written here since Monday because our internet connection was all kinds of sucky. Monday night I went to Aut Bar on my way to Necto - Matt Joined me, which was mostly fun, if very strange. Not sure about that one. Always the kiss, and fit, but never a complete answer. Oh well.

Nothing much happened this week, except a return to a chocolate addiction, which must now die. Jennifer is visiting from Seattle today, and will soon return to Michigan due to depression & worried loving friends. Shawn & Jonathan have been back togother for 2 months (though both apparently thought that the other had told me - only they hadn't) and are moving to Grand Rapids today. Mark & I finished 5th Season Dawson's Creek. I worked and I slept and I ate the forbidden chocolate, and I tried not to feel so damned bad. I continued to work on Shawn's cds, as I've done for years now, but the damned things refuse to finish themselves in my absence, and the terrible passages are still terrible and unexplored by a more thurough eye. Elvis returned from the dead again this week. My Elvis. With plans to visit me that were cancelled, but promises to return again, and this time with Tracy #4; Hip-Hop Tracy whom I loved so shortly & sweetly. May 18.

Mark just came back to find me writing, and when I tried to read to him what I had written but he left early on, and I continued to read aloud, delighting in the words, and the memory of the dream...until it hurt too much to continue reading aloud without an audience. And I continued to write.

We met Mollie & Kenny at Pizza Hut on Thursday night. Lots of laughter, and later a trip to Hollywood; fun was had by all. Last night I met up with my friends Mollie, Kenny, Carrie, Karen & Adam at Applebees; laughter abounded, resounded, dumbfounded us all. I'm aware that I'm spelling a lot of this wrong, but refuse to correct it; this is a free flow first draft and I can't be bothered to correct this stuff.

Dreams of the locker room return with the cute bully boy who just wanted to make out with me at my inner city high school - with college credit. The air conditioning is easing me back into dreams, and I will not resist. No bus rides for now; for now I must sleep before cleaning, before Mark & I collect our Jennifer.

Yet my brain is troubled by the chance that Mark will rebell and refuse to accompany me to the airport. It's a small worry though, and I won't let that stop the dreams from overtaking me...in this race that I've apparently already won.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:12 PM
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