Monday, May 1, 2006

Last night at work was constantly busy; with mostly annoying people. I don't know what the deal was, but it sucked. After work I went to Walgreen's to get my perscription, then to Kroger to pick up some groceries, then to Aut Bar where I said goodbye to Jay, and hello to white Robert & blue haired Matt. It was really hot upstairs so I only stayed for a few minutes. I had a snack when I got home, and brushed my teeth. I read some magazines, and read some news online. I wrote Carrie an e-mail, and then I played some games. I started watching an episode of ALIAS but Mark said it was too loud, and I really didn't want to wear my headphones, because they hurt my ears sometimes. I played some more games, trying be as quiet as possible, and then noticed that my neighbors were fucking. I could hear their bed banging against the wall, and the girl moaning...and then later the guy moaning too after the bed stopped banging. It makes me smile to know people are having sex. ;-0)

Saturday night we picked up Jennifer from the airport, and took her to Pizza House (her choice. I had already eaten, so I abstained, and we later called her boyfriend Michael and he joined us at the condo for conversation and euchre; a fun time was had by all. It was great to see Jennifer again, and I think Michael is cool.

I want to get some exercise today. I'm starting to get tired though. Maybe I should turn down the air conditioning and go to bed?

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:34 AM
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I got to talk to Linda Marie today; even with all the drama and terror in our lives, it's always nice to talk with Linda. We're going to plan something fun. yay! ;-0) I have to try to contact Candace too...

I slept this morning, but Mark woke me up with a phone call, wondering if I had to work today. I had already told him that I didn't. I couldn't get back to sleep. I got up; I got the mail. Read a bunch of stuff, and watched some ALIAS. I finally got back to sleep around 5:30pm. The phone rang around 6pm, but I tried to ignore it; thinking it was probably Mark asking me if I needed anything from the store or something. The phone rang again, and I saw that it was Mark so I answered it; he asked if I was still asleep (in a completely disgusted tone, like I had slept all day), and I told him that his previous call had woken me up, and that I finally got back to sleep and he had woken me again. He needed a ride home from work, because he'd taken the bus - because he thought that I had to work today. So...I had to go pick him up. He can be really annoying, especially when I'm tired...but I love him, so I went and got him without complaint, and he apologised for ruining my day.

I ordered some movies from this place online, nearly a month ago, and I haven't gotten them. I've gotten really great service from these guys in the past, but the last time I ordered from them they sent me two copies of the same movie, and I had to send one back. That wasn't horrible or anything, but it was weird. I'm guessing that their little company is going through something, and they're probably way stressed out. I'm trying to be patient, and not get pissed off about it, because...what's the point in that?

I have a My Space account, and today I got this friend request from this girl. I've seen her maybe 4 times in my life. The first time I met her she was a bitch, but I was a bitch right back, so I overlooked that. The 2nd time I saw her, Mollie, Laurie & I had all gone dancing with her because her boyfriend/ex-bf was in the hospital, and we were all friends with him, and we knew it must be hard on her, and that she probably deserved a night out - she was a cunt to me all night long - to which I did not respond in kind. Later, when we went to get food, when she learned that I had been raped, she told me that I deserved it! The only thing that kept me from slapping her, or leaving her there was the thought of her boy Kevin dying in the hospital just a few blocks away. And after all that she didn't even stay to be there for him; she skipped town, and only returned for his showing at the funeral home. Maybe she's a great person now, or maybe she's growing as a person; I don't know. But she's had 3 chances to be my friend and she's fucked it up every fucking time, so why would she be asking me to be her friend now??? It's fucked up.

I wish Mollie had the internet.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:18 PM
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   Wednesday, May 3, 2006

My neighbors are fucking again; quite the happy couple. And they're morning people to boot. Or it's possible the guy was just jacking off or getting a blowjob because I didn't hear the girl this time, and the bed wasn't hitting the wall; just a lot of the guy moaning...or...maybe he has a guy over there. ;-0) Either way...hope springs eternal as long as the neighbors are screwing. Depending on how long they've lived there, they've probably heard me go at at plenty of times.

Work was mostly fun yesterday, with another visit from DM Gloria; she's fun. DJ is kicking ass on ANGEL. Bryan had an emergency dentist appointment so I stayed late at work. I was so tired after work, but when I got home I felt kind of wired so I ate and started the final season of Dawson's Creek with Mark, then we put together the free $300.00 chair we got with Mark's tv - it so rocks! It has all these features and I think it will help Mark & I with sore muscles, and the like. Very nice!

I went to bed later. I slept until about 2:30am. I read the news. I watched the new trailers for Superman Returns, the Pirates sequel, and the new Bond movie. About 20 minutes ago, I realized that I had 2 new messages on my voicemail; both from when I was sleeping. The first was from Jennifer, and she said that Michael was really upset about the weekend, and that they would probably break up tomorrow!?! Jennifer probably only called him this weekend because of the way I was talking to her; I hope I didn't fuck anything up; I thought we were all having a great time... Erg. It's possible that I don't know a lot of what happened later though. She also said that she let Chris know that she was in town. I used to think that Chris was really cool; just so...I don't know. I thought he & Jennifer would be together forever - only he stole all her money and did drugs with prostitutes - and he hurt her so bad. I understand her still loving him, but I want to be protective, you know? He hurt her really bad, and so I don't like him anymore. I left her a message; she sounded horrible. I hope she's ok. She told me she was moving back to Michigan because she'd been feeling suicidal. erg. I'm so worried now.

The other message was from Bradlee from Adrian. I saw him online the other night, and gave him my phone # and he said he'd call me last night, but I had told him what time I'd be home from work (7pm) so I figured he'd call me around then, only he didn't. I'm not mad or anything; it's not a big deal (at all) - but it just means we'll have to catch up and all that later on. ;-0)

I'm kind of tired again, and my eyes are sore, so I'm gonna try to stay away from the computer for a little while. Wish me luck.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:20 AM
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   Thursday, May 4, 2006

Hung out with Robert, Bryan, Chris, Di, & Mark last night. Mollie couldn't make it because her period has morphed into an exclamation point. Had lots of laughter and fun. Went Aut bar briefly, then stopped by Robert Mitchel's place to give him some CDs. Bought some groceries. Talked to Jennifer on the phone. Michael and her are probably done, which is sad because he's a great guy, but it's probably for the best because she doesn't feel for him the way that he feels for her. Chris kissed her the other night and things were felt, but she knows that things there are really not great either (big & little problems abound). So we had lots of talking and the love was felt. ;-0)

I slept for a few hours but woke up thirsty and unable to get back to sleep. I drank some cranberry juice and got my hands on last night's ALIAS episode. OH MY GODDESS! This show... I really enjoyed it when it first aired, and then it just kept getting better. Season 2 was the bomb, mostly due to the fantastic integration of Lena Olin as Irina Derevko. Seasons 3 & 4 were a mixed bag for me, with enough good to great episodes to keep me hooked, but with enough mediocrity to feel the show was slipping, plus I discovered 1 huge continuity flaw which has forever tainted the show for me, because the "really smart" characters on the show talk about this flaw in continuity in depth for many episodes, when they should all know right off that it doesn't make any sense. And the final nail in the ALIAS coffin was the Season 5 premiere which sucked - but I still gave it another chance with the following episode, but for me the magic was gone and I stopped watching. Later I heard that the show had been cancelled, and I decided I would watch the 7 episodes that I had missed (while the show was on hiatus for Jennifer Garner's maternity leave) and found that not only had the series bounced back and shown improvment, but that by the time I got to that 7th episode the series was back in 5 star territory. For starters, the series really started to feel like Season 1 again, with the introduction of some new blood, but even beyond that, some old plot lines, tons of past show continuity, and familiar faces began to appear. But I still wasn't sure if the show could end well, because the network cut the season down from 22 episodes (the number of episodes in every previous season) down to 17. I read that the writers had a plan to end the show, but I've read that shit before from mythology & continuity heavy shows before and been burned (Remember when X-Files was good? And as much as I love Joss, and I do GET the ending of Angel - it's still not satisfying to me). But...and this is amazing to me - 4 episodes have aired since then, and they have all been amazing! Pulling together all the strands of story that I never really expected them to pay off on!! And much of this has been shocking, and well acted, and fun, and just...wow. I'm stunned. And it's just so refreshing to have the impression that the writers and actors are pulling out all the stops for the final stream of episodes. The show is fantastic again; it's Season 2 good again - and I think it's time for the show to end, and I'm so dying to see what happens next. Hopefully the end will not disappoint.

I have to go; Mark wants to tell me something.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:20 AM
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   Friday, May 5, 2006

So I had some really wacky dreams last night. The part I remember is that I was playing Diablo, only then I was actually inside the game, and fighting off this big monster with my magic; I switched weapons/armor for fun, but then somehow the monster got them from me which meant that now the freezing cold environment was now killing me. The monster disappeared with my magics, and I and my adventurer girlfriend (she's a rogue), found the only shelter in this plain of ice and snow and freezing wind - it was a house in the middle of nowhere, with no door in the doorway; just a sheer, tattered curtain of cloth (because moments ago this place had been like Florida, but I had been using my magics to freeze the fucker who now had my powers). The walls of the place didn't keep that much cold out because the wind was pouring in through the door. I could actually see my 'life bar' at the bottom my view fading away as the cold was killing me! The house was bare of furnishing save a few chairs. We starting pushing the chairs through the snow that had collected on the floor - getting them to the doorway to try to help block the wind...and then it was like in a movie when they fade to black and fade back in to show that time has passed and then I was watching this happen to other characters, and it was Xena who had just been through all this and Gabrielle had helped take care of her until the storm passed. The movie was a sequel to the show, and everyone was alive again, and I was really excited to see this movie, and I was so happy that I was crying. And then I woke up. lol

I'm in such a good mood. I just finished eating some garlic bread, which I fucked up, but I don't care. My Entertainment Weekly, which usually comes on Saturday, hasn't arrived yet, but I think that maybe the last issue was a double one... hmmm. I'm ok with that. Mark is being really quiet in his room; I think he might be sleeping, but his door is closed so I can't tell for sure. I know he's home because when I got the mail and the car was here, and I can't imagine him taking the bus anywhere on the weekend. Maybe we'll take the bus later so I can finally get a handle on what that's like; I've never taken the city bus, and Mark's offered to show me how - it probably sounds stupid, but I think it will a lot of fun. Last week I just didn't feel like doing it, but if Mark is up to it later, then maybe today is the day. ;-0)

I talked to Mollie, and she said that the Buffy board game would be fun on Wednesday so hopefully that holds up and DJ finally gets to play the game. I have no plans today. Some more movies came in the mail for my GLBT shelf; I've been ordering a lot of them again, but I keep finding all these great prices... I'm not going to order any today. 3 arrived today. "Slice of Terror", "The Hotel New Hampshire" & (hangs head in shame) "Showgirls". lol I actually want to see Showgirls again. I saw it June 7, 1996 with Paul at his apartment. I remember the day because it was the day after I graduated, and 2 days after Mark moved to Florida. I remember that the movie was really bad, but that I liked Gina Gershon - I remember the main girl from Saved By The Bell - I remember her body kind of freaked me out - there was something creepy about it. lol And I also remember her throwing up at the start of the movie for no reason which I didn't understand. lol Anyways, that should be amusing.

I think I'm actually going to go shower & shave. I haven't really been shaving close lately, and I'm sick of this stubble. blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:14 PM
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So today is Friday, and not Saturday, and I was super late for work, but they were mostly dead and everyone laughed at me. But I didn't care. I had a great day. Mark wanted me to shopping with him after work, but I just didn't feel like it. I'm chilling. I'm watching ALIAS. I still feel really good about my day, and DJ, Mollie & I are all on for Buffy this Wednesday. Oh, and I apparently only work 2 days this week, even though I told DJ I could work Wednesday - I think my not working has to do with DJ being stressed about the schedule, and also us being way over on labor. Maybe I can cover someone's shift or something though. Or maybe something really cool will happen this week, and I'll be too busy. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:12 PM
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   Saturday, May 6, 2006

I'm recording L Word episodes for Mollie. Hopefully later I'll be awake enough to go on a little adventure with Mark; my eyes hurt right now, but I can't get to sleep. I work tomorrow night. I have Monday-Thursday off. Tuesday night I'm going to The Blind Pig to see Hypnogaja play. Mollie, Mark, Bryan & Chris are all going. I should invite Linda. Wednesday Mollie & DJ are coming over the play the Buffy board game. Thursday I have a dentist appointment, and I'll also record an ALIAS tape for Carrie. I work on Friday. And I have Saturday off.

I'm hungry, and since I can't sleep, I'm gonna eat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:23 AM
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Well, I was recording L Word episodes for Mollie, but then my vcr decided it didn't want to anymore. I hope the tape is just defective. I'll clean the vcr later just to be sure, but I'm leaving it turned off for a few hours to cool down. erg. I was really hoping to have most of those done today so I could get them to Mollie ASAP.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:35 AM
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I slept today. It was great. A few days ago, a friend asked me what I did on my day off, and when I told him I slept he said that was a shame because it had been a beutiful day outside. I told him that I don't like going out in the sun, and to not feel bad for me, because it was a beautiful night. I enjoyed the sun when I was little, but I also enjoyed playing in the snow and drinking chocolate milk from a baby bottle. I've outgrown a lot of stuff, and the sunshine thing is just one of them. I don't regret that in any way. But it's not like I'm phobic of the sun. I do go out in the daytime, but I have very sensitive skin, and I can't tell you how annoying it is to have to shave your head when it's burnt. I'm not opposed to sunblock, but I hate smelling like sunblock. I don't mind carrying an umbrella in the sun when I need to. Someone once suggested that the reason I look so young is because I don't smoke, or drink heavily, and I avoid the sun. And there might be something to that because I don't use Oil of Olay; I don't even scrub my face, so much as stand in the spray - my skin is really sensitive and if I scrub it I dry out and break out. Anyways... I slept today, and for anyone who was thinking it; I don't regret missing the sun. Mark said it was kind of chilly out anyways.

I wish I was engrossed in a really good book. I was reading some Star Wars books a few weeks ago, and they were fun, but I want a book to come out that's an event; something I've been waiting for, like a new DS9 book, or Harry Potter or something like that...those kinds of books are great.

I was going to record more L Word for Mollie while I ate, but Mark is watching ER and it would screw up the recording. Which leaves me with no plans. It's kind of pathetic, but I enjoy staying home quite a lot lately. I still need to invite Linda to Hypnogaja. I'll do that now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:47 PM
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   Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Mark, Mollie & I saw Hypnogaja last night at the Blind Pig. Bryan & Chris were supposed to go, but they cancelled due to hard days & dead bunnies. Elvis & her girlfriend were supposed to show, but never did. I hope they're ok. It was great to see Jason & Mark again (from the band). Mollie & I got the new cd, and a poster, and had the whole band sign both. They couldn't hang out after the show, which sucked, but we were all kind of tired, so it was ok at the same time. Oh, and Aut Bar bartender Matt was there too, and he knew Mark & Jason as well. I guess Mark & Jason met him a few years ago too, and then saw him at Aut Bar last night. I'm bummed that I didn't go now. I wish I'd known they were there because I never get to see them.

Working Sunday night was way STRESSful. We were really busy, and we had so much stuff to get done. We got a lot of the stuff done. I was late to work, but I got a ton of stuff done. I did all the returns, straighted the bulk of games, all the wall; stocked popcorn & soda, sold 6 bundles, which was way more than everyone else...and I covered the front while the pv's were done. Besides hustling all that stuff, there were some major assholes in the store that night. One guy asked what the receipt said, and when I tried to read it to him (he said he left his glasses at home), he yelled at me and said I was kind of 'Jumpy', and I said he was kind of 'rude'. He yelled some more, which didn't impress me, and then left in a huff. I just looked around, but then Nate & Andrea both told me that this same man has yelled at both of them seperately, under different, but equally lame circumstances, so then I felt like I was finally in the club as well. Another guy came in asking if he could return his movies at the store, and I looked at them, and they were obviously movies that he had bought, because they still had the security seal on top, though they had been opened. I asked if he had his receipt, but then he said that he bought them at Barnes & Nobel. I looked at him strangely, and he asked if we didn't give store credit or something for used movies, which I agreed that we did. I opened one of the movies, and there was some substance smeared all over the disc, which was both disturbing, and disgusting. When I showed him the disc he said that it would wash right off, and that I should clean it. I told him that this wasn't part of our arrangment for taking in 'used' dvds - they have to be in good condition when we get them - we don't clean them. The other dvd, "The Simple Life" had a pubic hair inside of it. I told him there was no way I was taking that one either, for obvious reasons. Later, Andrea said that he's in all the time, and that he's always kind of creepy, which is why she was glad I was taking care of him. Great. lol There were a couple of great customers (especially right after the yelling guy left, who made fun of him for being a jerk), but the majority were either psycho or annoying. Great job, that.

Oh, and I thought I had lost my phone, but it was in the car. Which is good because I was supposed to call Bradlee. Brad had called me on Saturday to catch up. I went to meet him once, when I had a huge crush on him, and he was kind of cruel, and he hurt me. Later, a friend of mine went out with him, and said something horrible to him, which he didn't mean to be horrible, and felt bad about, and when I heard about it, it made me feel better. lol But Brad apologised for that, which was really nice of him. One thing led to another and our mutual past crush (which he sublimated last time) seemed to be returning with a vengence, but after the phone conversation I remembered some stuff that he had told me previouslly, which made me doubt that our reunion would really lead to anything stable. Plus he mentioned he was a bottom, and while I enjoy topping, I like to get fucked... So, that seemed to be a problem as well. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship, but to say that it isn't an important aspect of one, at least for me, is a lie.

So, I call Bradlee and we talk some more, and had tentative plans for Monday night. He's still coughing, which he told me on Saturday was because he's an ex smoker who went to a smokey bar the night before. Monday rolls around and I don't really feel like driving to Adrian; I try to call my sister to make plans to stop by there, which is another reason I was going out there, but she never answers the phone. I had major trouble sleeping on Monday, so I'm really beat... But I feel like I don't want to cancel on Brad, when he calls to cancel the plans himself, because he's getting more symptoms and doesn't think he's up to it, and doesn't want to give me anything. That's fine with me, because even though I wanted to see him, we could still talk on the phone, and that would solve all my problems.

So we talk. And we talk some more. And the things that I think might be problems are discussed. And he seems upset, and agrees that they are problems. We're obviously both disappointed by this. The thing he had told me before was that he didn't enjoy sex, which is fine, except that I really do. He had mentioned that he liked to go really slow in a relationship, and that he liked to really take time to know and love a person before making love to them so that it became a kind cathartic, amazing...thing. And I could except that, but...I can go slow, and I can take my time, but I told him that I wanted to know if his opinion of sex had changed, because I wanted to know that if we did date, and we did go slow, and fall in love and then, after all that - that sex would be a factor in our relationship, and he felt that I was "putting him on the spot". He said that talking about 'just sex' (while I felt we were talking about sex in the context of a relationship) made him feel ill. And that was a huge red flag to me, because I express myself through sex; it informs my poetry, and much of my conversation, and I've fought for the right of that expression all of my life...so I didn't know how we could be together without me making him uncomfortable on a regular basis, which sucked, because I am attracted to him, and I do like him as a person, and all the other things that he thought I'd have a problem with (he's not goth anymore, he's gained a lot of weight, and he likes to go really slow) don't bother me in the slightest - in fact one other thing he said about himself, that was obviously meant to disuade me, actually turned me on beyond the telling of it. Those who know me, can probably figure out what that is ;-0) But I have a problem with him not being able to discuss sex, let along have it. I mean, communication is supposed to be a good thing, and in this case it really has been, despite the disappointment on both sides, because now we both know that it really wouldn't have worked out. He also told me that he felt like I was making the sex thing an issue, and maybe I was...because it IS an issue for me. And I don't think that's weird; I think that's pretty normal. And that anyone who found out that someone they were considering dating didn't enjoy sex would want to discuss, and maybe not pursue the relationship as a result. He says that he's a great guy (and he is) and that he's smart and caring and all of that, which is great, and that he feels that people are kind of shallow to not want to date him based soley on this part of his life... And I think that's kind of a crock. I mean...what makes a relationship more than a friendship? I know that it isn't just sex... But that's a part of it, isn't it? And if you become involved with someone (who insists on monogomy, by the way) who has a lot of personal issues with sex, and may not have sex with you, even though he wants to, because you initiate it instead of him - and you have no outlet but him based on his rules - how is that a relationship? It sounds kind of childish and shallow to me... That would drive me crazy. And I don't feel shallow for wanting sex to be part of a relationship. I'm not talking about going out and getting laid by a bunch of different guys; I'm talking about sex between 2 people who are committed to each other, and who trust and love one another, who've spent time buliding that trust, and love - how is that shallow? If you knew that after you came to trust and love and care for and protect and depend on someone as your partner, and that they probably wouldn't want to have sex with you as much as you wanted it - maybe never - and that they weren't all that compatable with you, even if by some chance they did - leaving you with no sexual outlet except yourself - - and you knew this in advance of ever dating them, that doesn't seem like a silly reason to not get involved with them.

We were both unhappy about this and he said he had to go to bed. He called me back later, telling me he thought my reasons for not seeing him shallow and wrong. He said that he felt, that when men reacted in this way that they were shallow and wrong, and felt good to have expressed that. I pointed out that this was another thing we disagreed on. And that it was best if we remained friends, or became friends as the case may be. He again said he had to go to bed, though he didn't sound as upset this time. I was disappointed about the whole thing - he's awesome, and attractive and we both seemed to be on the same page, until all this was discussed and we found out we weren't really reading the same book or in the same library - but I also felt some relief that I had bypassed the heartache that would have resulted from our relationship.

I was online chatting with Jonathan on yahoo, and he was at gay.com, so I went there as well, and friended his profile. While I was there I saw a friend in the Ann Arbor room and popped in to say hello to him, and Bradlee arrived. When I privated him, he said he couldn't sleep, but then left shortly after that. I haven't heard from him since that night, but I didn't really expect to.

Mollie & DJ are coming over to play the Buffy board game, and I'm so looking forward to that. I'm worried that DJ will cancel. That would suck because Mark took the day off of work so that I wouldn't have to pick him up during the game. Also, it would be really annoying for me, and for Mollie who set aside time just for this. DJ wants to watch Buffy while we play, and it's possible that since I last saw him he's watched the entire final season of Angel; lol. I love that he loves the show.

I'm going back to bed...I think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:14 AM
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   Thursday, May 11, 2006

DJ & Mollie both made it over Wednesday night for the Buffy game, and we had so much fun! We played 2 games; Mollie was The Master the first game and we lost, and the 2nd game Mark was the Master, and we won. Mark had never been the villain before, and I think he was kind of sad that he lost, but he almost had us a couple of times, and it's not easy to win this game, no matter what side your on. It's always been great to see DJ outside of work (and inside of work), and this time was no exception. It's just great to see him relax and have fun! And though we talked a little about work, that was fun too. He brought me a new gay dvd from work so I could check it out (thanks DJ), and we all got to eat, and play games, and laugh, and talk, and it was a great night! DJ only has 2 discs of Angel left and he's finished! That's so cool. Hopefully he can come over again in the near future. We didn't get to play Euchre at all, and I know he loves that game too. Everyone seemed to have a good time, and after everyone was gone, I actually slept for about 4 hours.

I've been up since 4am, or that's when I got out of bed. Mark woke me up cleaning his room. I have to be at the dentist for the 2nd half of my cleaning (which I've already paid for), and I'll probably watch the latest ALIAS & Desperate Housewives episodes today. I'll make Carrie's next ALIAS tape today, and maybe I can get it to her by tonight. We'll see. I'll have to pick Mark up from work around 6pm, as he'll be taking the bus to work so I can make it to the dentist on time. That also means I can take a nap around the time he leaves so I can be awake at the dentist! lol

I haven't bought any movies in 2 days. That probably doesn't sound like an accomplishment, but as of late, it really is. lol

I might see Catherine on Friday. How cool is that? And I get to work with DJ and talk about Buffy stuff (he'll probably be done with Angel or finish it at work that day). He still has Firefly to watch, which I know he's going to love! He enjoyed Serenity, and so I'm not worried about that at all. He's mentioned an interest in Justice League (and maybe other DCAU shows), and I'm trying to get him to watch ALIAS. I think he'd be hooked by the pilot, but if not, I can live with that. I still think it's the best pilot for any series that I've ever seen. EVER.

I'm going to watch ALIAS.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:29 AM
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Mark didn't get up to take the bus, though I tried. He said his alarm would wake him up at the right time; that was around 8am. But I let him sleep... Of course I had to drive him to work instead of me sleeping. But he picked Mollie up yesterday while I was sleeping (and drove her home while I was chatting with DJ). It's not that I'm not grumpy about not sleeping, because I am.... I'm just saying that Mark deserves some understanding, or he's earned a break or something. Oh, and it looks like he started doing the dishes. Thanks for that Mark. ;-0)

Now...my clothes are in the dryer, and I need to shave, and my bed looks really inviting. Being at the dentist is really gonna suck now though. I'm going to be really tired, and not want to deal with the really bad headache the visit will inspire. I've had migrains most of the week because of all the smiling / talking / shouting I've been doing... But I've had a lot of fun too, which is why I was smiling so much. It's a horrible arrangment isn't it? If I have too much fun I hurt. Thank Joss for the drugs, but what if one day they stop working? Erg.

Anyways... I'm too tired to stare at this screen.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:39 AM
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   Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mother's Day. I should call my mom today, because I won't have the car to visit her, but when I try to do that she's usually asleep. We'll see how that goes this year. But so far, I'm having a really good day. ;-0)

I'm reading "A Density of Souls" by Christopher Rice for the 6th time; I've read the book once a year since I first bought it. I had seen him in person once, in 1995, at a book signing for his mother's latest ("Memnoch The Devil") in Chicago 1995. I was with Paul, and I recognized Chris right away from photos that were in Anne's biography, except he was older and he was really cute. I wanted to approach him and tell him that he looked amazing, but I felt like I'd be breaking some kind of rule, and I didn't want to scare him, or piss off his mom. Years later, I heard that he'd come out, and that he was writing a book. I couldn't afford it when it was hardcover, but I scooped it up in trade paperback, and was amazed at how much I loved the story. I've read his other books since, but I've never connected with them the way I did with this one. And reading it again is like looking at an old photograph, and letting the picture stir up emotions and memories. I wish I'd said hello to him now, so that if I ever do see him again I could tell him that I met him years before, at the book signing.

I wonder if Jennifer has read this book. Maybe I could send her a copy? I've been thinking about sending her a 'care package' with cds, books, and stuff. ;-0)

My dentist appointment on Thursday was really fast; man, that guy flossed my teeth in like 10 seconds! The dentist is really funny, and he seems kind, and he wears cool shoes. The head dentist guy came in and said he's really excited about making me a bite splint, and then I got a call later saying that my insurance approved the bite splint, so I'll probably go to their office on Monday to talk about that.

I slept Thursday night, and woke up around 1am, Friday morning. I didn't sleep again until after work. Mark took the bus to work, and got caught in the rain, which sucked. He tried to contact me on my computer, to tell me that I should answer my phone - something he could have just told me when picked him up later - and screwed up the recording I was making for Carrie. I was right next to my phone anyways, but it often doesn't ring while it's recharging. Mark & I are getting along, but we've both been kind of touchy lately (not in a good way); it's like we're almost always bitchy about one thing or another, but we always apologise shortly afterwards. It's probably just stress on his part, and for me, my acid reflux has been pretty bad, and my migrains seem to be getting worse - which I'm not thrilled about.

Friday, work was mostly fun. DJ finished Angel, Thursday night. He said he cried, and that he watched it again, and that he wanted to rewatch the final Buffy episode. He started watching Firefly on his break, which I let him borrow a few months ago. He's already seen Serenity, so he's familiar with some of the story, but I think that while he found some of the pilot episode confusing, that he will soon cherish the series as a whole.

I got a message from Mollie late Thursday night, asking if I was up for some Laser Tag on Saturday, or possibly Sunday. I called her back and her brother Kenny ansered her cell phone, which I thought was odd, because if she doesn't answer I can leave her a message on her voicemail. I told him that I was up for the game if it was on Saturday but not on Sunday. I didn't hear back from her though.

I stayed in Friday night, and slept, and read. Reading a good book. Nothing beats it. Nothing. I'm very grateful for good books.

Saturday morning I woke up around 1am again. I watched some ALIAS episodes; I'm nearly halfway done with the 2nd season. Jennifer called me around 3:30am (12:30 am in Seattle) from a bar that featured several drag queens, as she bemoaned the horrors of hetero men, and got drunk with Tracy and their friend Jean. She said there were 17 empty alcohol glasses on their table divided amongst the 3 of them. Jennifer let me talk to Tracy for awhile. We talked about my recent communication with Catherine, and then somehow got on the topic of abortion protesters and how annoying they are. They were about the leave the bar so Jennifer got back on the phone; she said that Tracy had told her if she didn't stop talking to Chris that Tracy wouldn't be able to talk to her or be her friend. Jennifer told Chris she never wanted to talk to him again, and she's seeking counciling, which I suggested weeks ago. She sounded so broken. She was crying and telling me how much she wanted to hug me. On one hand I know why Tracy said this to Jennifer - I don't think Chris is a good idea right now either, but I would never give Jennifer up as a friend, no matter what she decides. erg. I'm worried about her.

Later this morning, around noon; maybe a bit after, 1pm at the latest, there was a lot of noise from the neighbors bathroom. Water and yelling and hammering. They apparently didn't know how to shut the water off, and tried to work on their pipes and stuff without switching it off - causing a flood of water. Mark went to their front door and he could see water pouring down their stairwell! Idiots. Mark is super freaked about water damage. There was some water on our Kitchen floor, and a bit of the carpet, but I don't think it hurt anything there. It's possible that inside the walls there are problems, but I'm not sure how or when we will know. So that was plenty stressful.

I later talked with Mollie, and our LTG was cancelled because she hurt her back at work (in a very painful, but extremely funny way). We talked for an hour about books, and Jennifer and Bradlee, Captain Jack Sparrow, Mark, DJ (who she really enjoyed spending time with), movies, and all sorts of other random things that made my life seem blessed. I love you Mollie. Oh, and Mollie will soon have the internet again, and she'll be able to read these things. ;-0)

Carrie said she might visit me at work tonight. I close with Heidi and Pat, which should be fun. Mark will be gone most of the day, at his Mom's house. Carrie is borrowing Justice League, Hercules & Xena dvds from me. I'll try to get the new ALIAS episodes for her as well, but everytime I try to record soemthing lately it gets fucked up. We'll see. It will still be nice to see her, regardless of all that.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:51 AM
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   Thursday, May 18, 2006

I finished "A Density of Souls" last night...again. I didn't read it everyday this week because it's a short book, and I wanted it to last. It's not a perfect book, and there are even some mistakes in it, but that somehow endears it to me even more than perfection. Is that odd?

So...I was late to work on Sunday because I'd taken some Midrin before bed to rid myself of my every increasing migrains. I know it's related to my jaw, and it's really scaring me. But I'm working on that with my dentist, and my doctor, so it doesn't help me to run around bitching about it to everyone, so I just try to keep that to a minimum. But...what if nothing helps? ;-0(

Mark didn't wake me either, and he was home from his mom's trailer; he said he thought I was awake. I wasn't sure if that was true, because he had a bit of a meltdown when he was cleaning the kitchen earlier in the day, and left my room in a huff.

When I got to work, Heidi was in the bathroom, and Joe was alone outfront. That's not unusual, where there are only 2 people there, but Heidi was in there for a long time, and Joe said that a customer had been very rude (a major CUNT from what I've been told - and you can print that!) - and Heidi ended up crying, and saying that she couldn't do this anymore. I talked to Heidi and she was still on the verge of tears. And to her credit, it wasn't just the bitch woman from hell; Heidi had been sick since Friday, and unable to keep anything down except a bit of water. So she was exhausted, and sick, and tired, and she had to call in on Saturday (which she's never had to do at any job, so that stressed her out), and she didn't want to work on Mother's Day, but she had to, and she came in early to relieve Matt who had covered her shift the day before!!! The young lady had just pushed herself beyond all reason, and then had some wench cut in line, ask a question, leave, come back, cut in line, and bitch her out for doing her best!!!! What the fuck is wrong with people!?! Heidi has cried because of rude customers before. I know what that's like; but usually I feel like walking, and then I talk to DJ, or Bryan, or anybody - I go home, and try to relax, and I talk to my friends, and they call the customer names, and in a few days I don't feel like a cloud of bitches is surrounding me. But Heidi doesn't have as much experience at this, and she's very sensitive, so it was bad. And I just hope everything works out for her.

I also felt super guilty that I wasn't there when this Bitch "Woman" attacked, because I know I could have said something or done something... I voiced this to Heidi, and she was so thoughtful, and she didn't blame me at all. She said that it would have happened again eventually, and we do work in retail, so I have no doubt that she was right. But it still sucks. Even if I was ontime, I might have missed the first sign of bitchdom, and been totally confused when the major bitch fest began. It's confusing when people are mean to you at work, because your expected to not defend yourself. I hate that.

Carrie stopped by Hollywood to visit Sunday night. I was supposed to give her some tv shows (Hercules/Xena, Justice League, JLU, & ALIAS) to watch, but I had forgotten them, which she knew because I left her a message. It was nice to see her, and she and Heidi get along so well. Joe had left at that point, but he stopped back in because he had misplaced a movie he wanted to rent, so Joe met Carrie as well. She said that she read in my blog about us (Mollie, DJ, Mark & I) playing the Buffy board game, and she was a little miffed that I hadn't invited her because she loves that game (even though she hates the show). I told her that I had considered inviting her, but that with 4 players we had the option of playing Euchre as well, and she hates that game. She said I made the right call. lol There was also the fact that DJ is supergeeked on Buffy right now, and she'd have to listen to us rave about it, and we also watched 2 episodes of the show while we played. I also thought that an advantage of having only 4 players was that with Mollie as the Master, and me as Willow (I love to play as Willow), and Mark & DJ splitting Xander, Oz & Buffy - then DJ could get to play either Buffy & Xander, or Oz & Xander - so he could experience more of the game. Plus no one really loves playing as Xander, because he sucks (much like on the series).

Monday morning I drove Mark to work, went to Hollywood to give DJ some cookies, and see how he was reacting to Heidi's letter, which she left for him. He was thoughtful, and not as stressed looking as I expected. He thanked me for stopping by (as did Heidi when I chatted with her later), and I was again struck by how grateful I am that I have a boss at work, who is more a friend, and someone I can go to when I'm in trouble, or be there for when they are in trouble, without it feeling forced. It's really great. We talked about work stuff, and how no one wants to bother him when things are sucking at work, but that he would much rather be called into work than have someone quit because things are bad. We talked about other things too, but I had errands to run, and DJ needed to run to the store to get some stuff, so we parted ways, but our meeting was nice.

I went to the dentist office next. I had gotten a call saying that my insurrance company had approved payment on a bite splint, and I wanted to see how much it was going to cost, and see what they had to say about it in general. The head dentist guy, who's name escapes me, is beyond excited about bite splints in relation to migrains, and he worked closely with my doctor to get everything just right, and he said that he sent her office flowers for her troubles. He's really funny, my dentist, with an odd sense of humor, but an obvious passion for life. They asked if I had time right then to have the bone splint casting done. I had no clue I was going to be driving Mark to work at all, let alone running all over town so I didn't have time to shave, shower, or floss. I asked if they had a toothbrush/floss set I could use while I waited, and they did. The toothpaste was already on the disposable brush, and while I was grateful for it, it tasted awful. The casting process went quickly...though it was odd. And while my insurance will pay over $400.00 of the cost, it will still be over $100.00, and will cut into my plans to have my fillings removed/replaced, and my cleaning appointment in November. There is only a certain amount of money that my insurrance will pay for Dental in one year, and I'm already cutting it close. But I think that with my migrains getting so bad, that if there is even the slightest chance this splint will help, that it should be the option that I concentrate on right now. I need to talk to the dentist and let them know what's going on, and then schedule my other appointments accordingly.

When I was leaving home to pick up Mark for work around 5:45pm, Travis Kelley, my ex-bf, ex-fiance, called me. He called to check up on me. I had left him a comment on his myspace profile. He eventually gave me the best fricking apology I've ever gotten from anyone who has screwed me over. He basically said that he regrets all that bullshit, and that he looks back now and sees that he fucked up something really amazing and appreciates all the space and time and energy I gave him when he didn't even deserve it. I really believe he was sincere, which really made me feel good. I feel like I could be friends with him now; perhaps close friends, but I'm not sure. He didn't remember a lot of the horrible things he did to me (or some of the really fun things we did), and when I told him the bad stuff he was aghast and how poorly he treated me, and when we talked about the good stuff, it was on the verge of becoming erotic. And though it made me feel bad for his current partner (of 3 & 1/2 years), it made me feel good to hear that Travis hasn't really changed all that much. He screwed up all his potential relationships after me, and he's not very nice to his boyfriend now. This only made me feel good, because boys tend to date me, screw me over hardcore, and then couple for life. Which hurts me...a lot. And guys always tell me later, that I made them a better person, and that's great, but I don't get to reap the rewards of that process. Anyways, that was an unexpected surprise, and I cherish it. I think it would be neat to meet his boyfriend Matt. I spoke to him on the phone once or twice a few years ago. We'll see how this all plays out.

I drove Mark to work on Tuesday, stopped at the store for some food. I've been addicted to chocolate chip cookies again for the last few weeks. I've been really good about not eating them for the last few years, but I'm now trying to wean myself off them. I actually remove as many of the chips as I can before baking them, so there's only 2 or 3 chips per cookie. I think it's working. But man, you should see how many chips are removed from those suckers - no wonder the chocolate from those suckers made me ill.

I arrived early for work. It wasn't dead, but it wasn't exactly busy either. It felt like the day was dragging. I rented the first 3 discs of the 2nd Season of Thundercats (I watched the first 2, and that's probably enough for now). DJ continued watching Firefly; I know he's enjoying it, but I don't think he loves it yet, but he's only watched a couple of episodes so far. Bryan told me that Robert was expelled from yet another school. I love Robert, but I don't understand what he's going through. Why get expelled from school after school, and then do everything in your power to do it again? It's sad, and it makes me uncomfortable.

I left work ontime, and talked to my sister Janice on my cell while I waited for Mark to get out of work. I guess she and Jamie aren't getting along. There are problems on both sides, and Janice knows it, and is trying to be fair... I hope they work it out. I worry about Jamie; A LOT. We aren't very close... And that worries me because I love being close with Janice, even when we are at odds with one another. We talked on the phone while Mark drove us home, and then I said goodbye. I went to sleep.

I had wednesday off and did next to nothing. I chatted on gay.com for awhile, and met this guy who begged me to fuck him bareback. He was hot, and fit into a lot of the things that I love about sex, but he didn't seem to want to get to know me at all, which I just don't understand. Why do people think I'm freaky for wanting to know them BEFORE I stick my dick in them? Plus, while barebacking is hot, it's also really dangerous, and I wouldn't even seriously consider doing that with a stranger. I thought I might hook up with some friends but I just ended up watching Thundercats, ALIAS, and then slept (for hours & hours). I guess I needed it. I kind of felt like I was fighting off a cold, which is within the realm of possability, as several customers at work the day before seemed to be coughing a lot. I feel ok now though.

I work today & tomorrow. And I'm going to watch the new ALIAS now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:21 AM
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I feel like a should be doing a dozen different things, but I have no clue what they are. I know I'm going to remember later, when it's too late. Erg. ALIAS was ok. I'm tired again; what's up with that? I feel like I should get some writing done, but nothing is coming of that. I'd like to start a new book, but I don't know what I want to read. I should shave & stuff for work, but I have time for that later...

Sleep seems best. I don't want to be tired at work.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:02 AM
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   Saturday, May 20, 2006

I was looking over reviews for X-Men & X2, and those 2 movies, which I consider the best superhero movies of all time, for the most part, didn't get very good reviews. Even in reviews that were mostly positive, they kind of ripped on the movies for the number of special effects (which seem stupid considering the storyline), or the number of characters (which I think they've handled very well in the films). So, reading those reviews, makes me suspect that the 3rd film won't be reviewed very well. The first X-Men film is actually very short, and I now consider it an extended prologue to the 2nd film. And the 1st film doesn't seem that remarkable, until you take into account that it inroduced the whole world of the X-Men without seeming stupid! But that's pretty much all it does. The 2nd film is fantastic! I'll be seeing the 3rd film a week from Tuesday; most likely with DJ & Mollie. I hope it's good.

I started reading the first of the Star Trek "A Time To..." books. This series of 9 books, sets up the unexplained character developments that ran rampant through the 10th trek film; allowing those moments resonate instead of annoy. So far I like the first book; it's not great, but it's not horrible; it's like an average Next Gen episode in that way. I've read fan comments that say the series gets a lot better as it goes, so that's something to look forward to. I've also heard in recent days that the crew of Star Trek: Enterprise appear in one of the upcoming books, so I'm excited about that. Reading this book is part of my new plan to constantly be reading; I used to read like that all the time, and somewhere along the way I stopped; hopefully I can get back on track.

I didn't go back to bed after my last entry. I've been sleeping at night, usually early evening, and waking between 3 & 5am. It's an odd schedule, but I kind of like it. Work was fun on Thursday; I worked with Bryan & Nate - and later Heidi & Andrea which was so much fun! And we had an amazing assortment of upbeat, funny, thoughtful customers!!! It was fabulous. And District Manager Gloria called to tell us what a fabulous job we were doing.

Mollie now has the internet again, and opened her own myspace account, which pleases me. It's easier to stay in touch with Mollie when she's online. We have really great cell phone plans that help us out, but sometimes we just end up playing phone tag. When we have access to each other's blogs we can see why we're having trouble communicating, and that's great.

Supposedly I might be hanging out with Elvis & Tracy #4 today, but I haven't heard back from Elvis, so probably not. That's just as well, because Mark has a bunch of errands to run today.

ALIAS ends on Wednesday. Desperate Housewives season finale is on Sunday night. JLU ended weeks ago. Nip/Tuck, and The L Word won't be back for like a year.

I was reading this article about gay characters on tv shows, and I watch almost all of them; I always assumed there were more, but apparently not. Also, this season will be the first network television season with no lesbian/bisexual female character on any tv shows (or none worth mentioning) since Ellen came out 10 years ago. That sucks. Also, Paula Marshal played a lesbian character on some show last season that wasn't picked up for another season. I've only seen Paula Marshall in 2 things; the first being Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth - and she made me enjoy that movie more than anything else in the film. I know she was in Warlock 2, but I didn't love the first one, so I never saw the 2nd. She was in a wacky Werewolf movie called Total Eclipse(?); at least I think that's what it was called. Anyways, I like her. And there's a picture of her in the article, and she still looks fantastic. I guess I could just look her up on IMDB, and then I'd know what all she's been up to. Yep, there she is. Full Eclipse was the name of that movie. She's been in a lot of stuff. hmmm.

Anyways. I'm gonna get some reading done, or something. Anything to get away from this dread machine. (Oh, Giles...)

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:26 AM
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   Sunday, May 21, 2006

So, not having heard from Elvis & Tracy yesterday, Mark & I made some plans to get groceries (which was very important! lol), and he was gonna go run some errands while I got ready. We were then going to go to Kroger and stop at Hollywood so Mark could rent movies, and we were going to take some pictures. I found a message on my voicemail from an hour previous, from Elvis asking me to call her back. My phone didn't ring because it was recharging, while I watched "Star Trek: Insurrection"; a movie I hated in theaters, but has since grown on me. I was watching that because the new Trek book I'm reading references it over & over. Anyways, I called Elvis back and left her a message (less than an hour after she left her message on my phone), and then after we didn't hear back from her, Mark left to run his errands.

Now, just after Mark left with the car, and I started preparing to shave, Elvis called me back, and she was with Tracy, in Ann Arbor, at Ashley's and they wanted me to join them. I told her that Mark had the car, and they said they could come here, so I told them to let me shave & shower and then I'd call them back. I did. I cleaned up the condo a bit too, which didn't take much effort. When they arrived it was so AMAZING. Tracy #4, as we called her, or Hip Hop Tracy, is actually a beautiful woman who's name is Tracy Elzy; she was one of the nicest people I knew, but I haven't seen her in a little over 10 years!!!! And she's still just so amazing, and bright, and she's even hotter now! People say she looks like Halle Berry, but I'd say she looks like Halle Berry, only Tracy has a personality - which Tracy appreciated when I told her that. lol Seeing Elvis again was fabulous! I saw her about 3 or 4 years ago, for a show on my birthday at the Elbow Room, but it was kind of strained. This wasn't. This was like, the old days, only with less drama. We're all a decade older, and everything just so much fun to talk about and enjoy; even the bad stuff was fun now.

Mark returned and I had my picture taken with my women. We went to Borders to see if Kelli Parker was working (another old member of our crew), and she was, but she looked like she was going to have a heart attack, seeing us all together again. She said she was getting off work at 11pm, and if we could all hang out that would be cool.

Tracy said she could, and we were all in, but Tracy had an incident with her phone and needed to go get a new one, before meeting her birth mother and uncle. She's been in Michigan for a few days I guess; her father just got some huge lifetime achievement award in music in Detroit, where he worked at a radio station. And Tracy mentioned her Nieces, so she must have at least one sibling. I always liked Tracy, and she was always friendly with me, and looking out for me, but we really didn't know each other that well (but many of us didn't back then because it was DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA all the time, both with each other and with ourselves). I always thought she went to UofM but she went to Eastern, which makes sense. I also thought she was younger than me, but she's only a month younger; and only a few days younger than Paul. Elvis shares that birthday month as well, though she's a year younger than us. I also learned the origin of the Tracy#4 name, as there were no Tracys#1-3. There was some confusion over which Tracy people were talking about (there were 2 of them), and Paul started referring to the other Tracy as Tracy #1, and this Tracy as Tracy#2 - Tracy Elzy eventually said something like "I was here first, why aren't I tracy#1?" and then Paul said that she could be Tracy#4, and the other Tracy would be Tracy#5. And all these years I've wondered who the other 3 Tracy's were, only there weren't any!!!!

So while they were phone shopping, and visiting with family, Mark & I went grocery shopping. I talked to Paul on the phone and told him I'd call him later so he could talk to everyone and he asked me to use his housephone instead of his cell, but when I did it wasn't their current number, so I tried his cell, and he never returned my call. Shopping went by painlessly, and I was all glowing from seeing my friends. I had to take some midrin though because all the smiling and laughing was giving me a headache, which is just so fucked up in so many ways!!! Laughing and smiling should NOT make you suffer!!! Am I right? That's just wrong! And while it scares me that it's getting worse, it's also making me really angry, which feels good.

We went to Hollywood video after shopping so Mark could rent some movies, and DJ, Heidi, Andrea & Bill were all working. I gave DJ a big hug & a wet kiss on the cheek, because Mollie had asked me too on Friday but I had forgotten; he thought that was really funny. I was still glowing from the reunion experience, and I had my picture taken with Heidi. DJ & I talked about seeing X3 & playing Buffy. DJ also told me that I got a 20 cent raise, which was the maximum available because our store didn't do as good as last year. I got a big hug from Andrea, and Mark picked up the new Final Fantasy movie, and Aeon Flux. That whole visit was fantastic also, except that I referenced Heidi's leaving to her before we left, which really didn't have anything to do with what was going on, and it was just me being selfish, and wanting her to stay, when she doesn't want to leave the good Hollywood stuff, she wants to leave the bitchy customers, because they really get to her and make her life harder than it needs to be. This little reference I made, it wasn't discussed like this, but I think I'll e-mail her about it or something, because I realzied the selfishness of it after we left, and it was my one big blunder of the day!

When we got home I thought I might try to sleep. It was around 7pm, and that's when I've been going to bed. But the phone rang around 8pm; Tracy & Elvis were now at the Aut Bar, and were inviting Mark & I to join them, which we did. Except after I had a drink I went home and changed because we were sitting in the shade, and the day was cooling down, and it was just a bit too chilly. I brought some photo albums with me to share. And it was fun to see their reactions to my beat up binders and pictures; Tracy even thanked me for taking all those pictures back then because she doesn't have any from back then. She later realized that she couldn't stay later, and had to leave. There were more pictures taken, and hugs exchanged, and I could tell Elvis was getting emotional (they used to date, but Elvis fucked it up - we were all so young back then)... I got her address and phone#. I told her I'd send her one of my spoken word cds, and I think I'll send her copies of some relevant pictures. I think she'd like that. She lives in Columbus, Ohio, which she says is really super GAY, and she lives with her girlfriend Jen, who sounds amazing, but couldn't make it out here with her because she got this job where she made a disturbing amount of money in just a few days. We're supposed to hang out again sometime, this summer hopefully. And she extended an invitation to visit her in Columbus, so hopefully we will see each other again.

Elvis was crying after Tracy left, saying she still loved Tracy, and that she never should have fucked things up the way she did back in the day, but we were all so very young then, and none of us even knew ourselves very well, that it's very unlikely that it would have lasted, which Elvis knows. We were all very tired, because Mark goes to bed around 10 or 11, and I usually go to bed around 7pm, and Elvis had a very long day, and long drive back to Brooklyn (Michigan), but we all kind of stuck with it because we didn't want to disappoint Kelli, who is going through some mental shit (some things never change), and she & her longtime girlfriend Polly are going through a rough patch. Elvis & Mark picked up Kelli, while I fell asleep in my room (I was kind of fuzzy because of the Midrin), and when they got back we visited for about an hour (with another picture taken of us) and then Elvis drove Kelli home. We're all hoping to hang out within the next couple of weeks.

It took me about 40 minutes to get to sleep. I was just so buzzed from seeing so many people I loved in one day; it was like concentrated bliss. And we talked about so many people that I haven't seen in ages, and others that I see all the time, but love just the same, and it was all so GOOD. The phone rang about a quarter after 2am, but I ignored it and tried to get back to sleep, but it rang again. I picked up my phone, wondering who would be trying to wake me up instead of just leaving a message, and it was Mollie. I answered right away, knowing that something horrible must be happening or she wouldn't call this way...half getting out of bed because I expected to hear she needed my help, or something, and she told me that our friend Karen's mother had just died, and that Karen was with her brother right now, but that we should try to visit her within the next few days. We all knew Karen's mom. She was friendly but could get under your skin, like any mother I suppose. She loved Buffy & Angel, so she was cool. She had a "mild stroke" and then a "mild heart attack" not long ago, but I think Mollie said it was her heart again...and now she's gone. She lived with Karen & her brother, so that must be even worse for Karen because all her mom's stuff is there, and she's used to having her mom around all the time, and now she's not. I used to think it was horrible that her mom moved in with her, but maybe it was good, because they got to spend so much time together in the last few years... I went back to sleep. But it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. Karen's mom is dead. How can I help? I'm not certain, but I think just being there for her will help...but I'm not sure when I should call. I don't want to disturb them if they're resting. I'll call Mollie later and see what's going on.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:55 AM
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   Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Work Sunday night was mostly fine, but I was really tired, and went to bed soon after getting home. Monday, I baked some cookies, ate (not the cookies. lol), and all the other stuff people do every day. I called Karen, and left her a message, letting her know I was here for her; she called me back later, and I got her to laugh. The funeral is on Thursday, the showing is on Wednesday, and today DJ wants me to work, so I'm good. I watched the finale of Desperate Housewives, which was mostly a setup for next season, and "Sexual Intligence", which was kind of fun, and more inclusive than I expected. I know I did other stuff yesterday, but I'm pressed for time at the moment, as I have to be at work soon. I might right more later.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:27 PM
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   Wednesday, May 24, 2006

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:26 PM
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Work was mostly fun. I worked with DJ, Jeef (who will soon be leaving us), Bryan, Bobby & Nate. DJ & I had several fun exchanges; it's a lot of fun working with him. It made me feel good to work on a day I wasn't scheduled as a favor to him; arriving early, getting my bundle goal, and doing all that stuff that's expected of me. It was nice. I was really tired around the time I had to leave.

I talked to Mollie & Janice on the phone, while waiting for Mark to get off work. And Karen too. When we got home, I was so tired, but I watched the Series Finale of ALIAS before sleeping. I have mixed emotions about the finale. SPOILERS AHEAD, SO THOSE NOT WANTING TO HAVE THE FINALE RUINED SHOULD STOP READING THIS ENTRY NOW!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

SPOILERS!

SPOILERS!

SPOILERS!

SPOILERS!

So...the flashbacks in the final hour - some of these were wonderful. Others were annoying. The flashback of Sydney putting together the Project Christmas puzzle seem to jibe with the flashbacks from Season 2 where the putting together of the puzzle was part of a training scenario - it was part of a sleeper cell program, which is why Sydney couldn't remember it until she was hynotized in season 2 - but here she does it on her own, which means she should remember the puzzle in Season 2. The scene with Francie. I can see why they wanted to do that scene and bring her back, BUT - the scene was reenactment of a scene seen in the pilot episode - and Syd looks completely different here - which is annoying for all kinds of reasons - 1 of which, is that the original version made more sense because Syd actually looked younger, because the pilot was filmed a while before the actual series. In the new version, it just doesn't feel real. Also, why bring back Francie, if we're not going to see Evil Francie (Alison) who has been alive and kicking but never seen again since Season 3? I would have preferred that they brought her back, and also used her in a completely different flashback as our beloved Francie. I didn't like that we didn't see the start of the Irina/Sydney fight. I did like that the prophecy finally made some kind of sense - though I'm still not clear on the part about the symbol of Rambaldi, The Passenger & the Chosen One. Plus we never got an answer about how Vaughn's dad could have saved Nadia if he had already been killed by Irina. And did we even find out what the deal was with those chips that were inside Vaughn/Rene? The only 2 scenes that I felt really worked for me, were the end of the Tom/Rachel thing (which was fantastic), and the scene where Syd says goodbye to her father. The rest felt rushed. I hated the scene where Irina died reaching for The Horizon - that seemed lame. But I loved Irina right up until the end; I believe her love for Sydney was real, but she was a character devoted to something more. Sloan's ending was fine...I guess. But it means that Sydney didn't really get to stop Sloan or Irina. She didn't really get to do anything, but save Marshall & Rachel. There was a lot that I would have changed. And I didn't like the end with Syd's daughter & stuff - I would have preferred to see the Vaugh/Syd wedding on the beach. In the end, I think ALIAS began as something spectacular; the first 2 seasons are incredible. The 3rd-5th seasons fuck that up, but with enough great moments along the way to allow them to be watchable, and at times recreate the magic of the first 2 seasons...but never for long. I'm glad the show ended. And I enjoyed watching it, but I don't think I'll really miss it. Buffy was similar in that the first 5 seasons were amazing, and I think that while season 6 & 7 were good, they weren't up to par with the rest of the show, and I was glad that they ended, as well, though they held it together so much better than ALIAS. Angel & Firefly didn't have a chance to reach their full potential. JLU ended with a lot of life left in it. Enough. I'm hungry.

A friend of mine, who will remain nameless at their request, tried to kill themselves last week. Thankfully they failed. Years ago I would have freaked out about this, but it just seems like old hat now. I don't mean that it doesn't bother me, but I would have been...I don't know...but it seems less dramatic now, even though it isn't...if that makes any sense?

I'm picking up Mollie around 3pm to go to the viewing (Karen's mom). At 4pm that ends, and we're going to see how Karen feels about getting some food. Then at 6pm I'm picking up Mark and taking him to the other viewing. Tomorrow morning I go to the funeral alone. I work on Friday. Saturday I'm hopefully visiting with Linda, and Marcus might be visiting this weekend. Sunday I close the store. Monday I'll probably work, and Tuesday I'm seeing X3 with Karen, Mollie, & DJ - before Buffy Board Gaming it with them, and Mark. We'll see how all this goes.

And pictures, pictures, pictures!!!

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:26 PM
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   Thursday, May 25, 2006

I woke up late, but with enough time to eat, shave & shower before picking up Mollie for the funeral. Only thing was that Karen called asking me to pick up Adam Gram, because there was a special showing for the family, and Adam wasn't ready to go. I said sure, and skipped my shower so I could get Adam & Mollie to the funeral parlor on time. After the service at the funeral home, I drove Adam Gram, Adam Hess and Mollie to the cemetary in the funeral procession. The services at the home & the cemetary were very short, and nice. I gave Rocky a hug at the home, and she said she liked the way I smelled. lol

After the cemetery we went to the Best Western for food. I drove Adam Gram & Karen back to her apartment, and dropped Adam & Mollie off at his car at Red Lobster, before heading home, laying down for a half hour; showering, and cleaning my room. Then I had to pick Mark up. He called and asked if I could bring him a gatorade and I said sure. He said we had to stop at the storage unit (which I hate) and I said that was fine. My room was mostly clean, and all I wanted to do was lay down and read - and maybe sleep.

A storm was coming in as I drove to pick up Mark. On the way home from the storage unit (which Mark didn't even notice that I didn't complain about visiting), Mark asked if I could help him with the order he got, and box up some bracelets, which I started to do, but then thought I might mess up, so I stopped. I should have explained this to him, and it probably would have been super easy, but I was so very tired, and I didn't want to be in the car, and as far as I knew there was no hurry to box them up, so I said no. He boxed them up himself as he drove (which was pretty dangerous, actually), and then told me: "Thanks for the help.". I wanted to say: "Thanks for the sarcasm.", but I didn't. I asked him why we couldn't have done it when we got home, but he said it didn't matter. So when he asked me why I couldn't do it, I said that it didn't matter. We got home just before it started to rain.

I was eating in my room, while reading. I've been trying to find time all week to just relax and read, and this was it. Mark opened my door and asked me what was on the floor by the trashcan, and I told him I didn't know. He asked me if I could come and look at it, and I told him I was eating, and he said "so!", and I said, so I'll look at it when I'm done, which seemed to piss him off even more. I was trying to not get upset because when I get upset then I can't eat - and if I have just eaten, it throwup. I managed to finish eating and finish a chapter while I did it. I went downstairs, and though Mark had the tv on, he was sitting on our home gym just staring at this stuff in front of the trash can. I looked at it, and touched it but had no idea what it was. I told him so, and I headed back to my room. He asked me if I was going to clean it up. I asked why I should be the one to clean it up, and he said because I was the one who did this.

Ok...so I have no memory of this happening, and my memory is pretty good. Mark doesn't have any memory of this happening and his memory is horrible. But I didn't tell him that he had to clean it up, because he had done it. And I didn't even say that I wouldn't do it; I only asked why he seemed to think that I had to. Now, after I got to my room, I remembered that earlier when I had taken the trash out (another thing he didn't even thank me for), that the bag that he had removed from the can had a tear in it, which is why I bagged that one in the trash bag from my room. I'm guessing that the stuff on the floor (which Mark says is probably cookie dough) was accidentally spilled by Mark when he removed the bag from the can and it tore. I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose, and I'm not jumping on him asking him when he's gonna clean up his mess. I was in fact planning on cleaning this up when Mark left the livingroom. I know it's weird, but I don't like to clean when other people are around (which he knows, or he used to know - who knows what things he remembers day to day?) - but he hasn't left the livingroom. In fact, as I lay down to read, he was watching lost, with the tv blaring so loud that I could hear every word that was spoken by the characters upstairs, with my door closed. When I asked him if he could please turn it down, he refused, saying that if I could clean up the mess when I was ready, that he could turn down the tv when he was ready. I yelled then, something brief, about making some noise, but I didn't actually do it. That's stupid, and pointless, and would just escalate the whole thing, when all I want to do is read. That's all I wanted. And I can't with all that noise.

Let's say, for a moment, that I did somehow create this mess on the floor. Why couldn't he clean it up? I took out the trash. Even the bathroom trash, which is usually filled with snot rags. He has this sinus condition or something and he's constantly blowing his nose on toilet tissue and throwing it in the trash. And when he misses, which he often does, I pick up these tissues and throw them away. I've never called him on it, or tried to humiliate him into taking care of it, because it's not that big of a deal, and after everything we've been through it just seems petty, and stupid. I guess he doesn't feel that way.

I'm going out. Maybe when I get home he'll be asleep, or in a better mood, or something. I just don't want to argue with him, or listen to him whine, or bitch, or whatever. And I don't want to listen to the tv, reminding me that I cleaned my room so I could relax and read, but now can't because Mark feels like being bitchy. I just want some quiet. I wish I was a student so I could go to the library and read. Maybe I could read in the car? But I could stop by Aut Bar first to see if Robert or anyone is there. I'm really tired though. erg. This sucks.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:13 PM
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   Friday, May 26, 2006

So I went to the Aut Bar last night. I hadn't planned on going. All I wanted to do last night was read my geeky Star Trek book, and enjoy my newly cleaned room, but Mark wouldn't turn down the tv, and I refused to just lay there to be reminded constantly of what I wanted but couldn't have. I went to Aut Bar. I talked with Matt; he amused me, when I probably would've bolted out the door if he hadn't been there. I had worn my hat, leather jacket, and glasses inside, and it was really warm so I put them in the car. On the way out to the car, I noticed a boy I knew named Jeremy sitting at the end of the bar. I told him I'd be right back...and then I was.

Jeremy & I met years ago at an Out Fest, and there was this amazing attraction between us that we both acknowledged... We also both acknowledged his boyfriend who was glaring at me. It was almost painful, this known attraction that couldn't be acted upon. I talked to him and Matt for most of the night, and I started to really have fun, and I was almost grateful that Mark had all but forced me out of the condo; Jeremy & I have seen each other a few times over the years, but I hadn't seen him in forever, and I was glad that I got to see him now.

Jeremy & his boyfriend now have an open relationship (the boyfriend is all asexual now, while Jeremy is not - something I can relate to); it's only been opened for a matter of weeks. I don't get turned on by open relationships because I like to date the boys I like, but I didn't want to stop talking to him, despite the fact that I was super tired. I had him over.

He was really impressed with my GLBT movie collection. He liked my mashups, my fan art collection, and my webpage. He called his boyfriend to let him know he was staying at my place. We talked and talked and talked some more; learning we had far more in common than we expected too. Things were getting very intimate, and eventually the attraction stirred, and I allowed it to happen. I just...I've wanted him for so long, and there he was, and I was really comfortable with him, just cuddling. Everything about it was perfect, and I just allowed myself that pleasure. It was really special for me, and for him too. Without going into detail, the whole night was us giving each other things we both needed, and wanted. I'm very grateful for the entire experience. Afterwards we showered, and cuddled and slept. I dreamt we lived in London. His alarm woke us up, and we said goodbye shortly thereafter...

My stomach was a little upset, and I didn't hear Mark get up for work, so I figured I'd be driving him. Mark got up on his own, but my stomach was really upset now, and I didn't feel like driving him; he said he'd see me at lunch time. My stomach cramps passed. I asked Mark if I'd kept him up at all last night, and he said no, and asked me what I'd been doing, and I told him about Jeremy. Mark asked me later if I slept with Jeremy just to lash out at him, which I thought was weird. How would me sleeping with Jeremy, or any guy hurt Mark? It doesn't make any sense. We've been seperated for 6 years, and in that time I've slept with several men, and it was never about wanting to make Mark mad or jealous or whatever; I don't think I could sleep with anyone soley based on that kind of shit. And while my going out was directly related to Mark's drama, it had nothing to do with what I did once I was out & about; I didn't even think about it after awhile, and well before I noticed Jeremy. I hope Mark isn't too upset, but if he is, I'm still not sure what it's about.

I work today. I have tomorrow off, which I was hoping to share with my friend Linda who suggested we might hang out, but she hasn't e-mailed me back, and Mark needs the car to visit his mother & brother, and nephew. I don't want to deprive him of that visit. I think I'm just gonna tell him to go. If Linda wants to visit at the last minute she can come here. It's just not cool to make Mark wait around for an answer despite the supposed importance of this visit. It is important...but so is Mark.

I'm going to get some more sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:14 AM
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   Monday, May 29, 2006

Work on Friday was mostly a breeze, for me. I needed a ride to work; DJ came and got me when he had the chance, and I was 40minutes late. Gloria was in the store when we got back; she & I later went to get balloons - she insisted we got to a party store, then went and got pizza for the whole crew (of which I had 2 slices - they were great). I skipped my lunch, and I had to wait for Mark to get me, so I broke even on the time I spent at Hollywood. It was very nice outside, and I got to work with DJ & company; it was all good.

I stayed in Friday night and read. Saturday I also stayed in; I read & got some more writing done. Sunday morning I finished "A Time To Be Born", and started reading "A Time To Die". Sunday night, work was crazy busy, but I managed to not get stressed, and I got to talk with Nate, Andrea & her 2 friends (who rented "What Dreams May Come" at my suggestion). We also managed to get everything done, I think, and after I got home, I watched the first "X-Men" movie before going to bed; I swear that movie seems shorter everytime I see it.

Monday. I read more Trek. I confirmed plans with DJ, Mollie & Karen to see X3 tomorrow. I watched some stuff. I ate, and I relaxed. A nice holiday weekend, I guess.

And through all that, there was some random sparkage in my brain concerning Jeremy. I want to see him again, but I'm not sure how this works... It's new and strange. I'm sure I'll figure it out. But for now I'm just enjoying what I've been lucky enough to enjoy (which is all I've ever done where he's concerned).

So...tomorrow I'm picking Mollie up around 1:15, before picking Karen up around 1:30/1:45, then meeting DJ at Quality 16 around 2pm, and seeing X3 at 2:15. After the movie, which should get out around 4pm, we can all get some food, and chat about the movie before picking Mark up at 6pm (at which point, discussion of the movie becomes off limits, as Mark won't be seeing the movie for some time to come) - then we all head to the condo for games. ;-0) Sounds like a fun day.

I have Wednesday off, but work Thursday & Friday. I'll be able to rent "Underworld: Evolution" this week, so I'll finally get to see that movie. Elvis is playing the Elbow Room on Saturday, so I'm going to try to see that show. Then I close the store on Sunday.

erg. I want him. damn. lol

I'll probably rewatch "X2" before bed.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:32 PM
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   Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Saw X3 today; it was easily my favorite of the 3 films; the big finish to the X story, for now at least. I'd heard so many complaints about the film, and heard that friends didn't like it, but I loved it. This entire entry is about the film.

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There were so many things I enjoyed about it. I'd heard that the score sucked, but I liked it a lot. I'd heard that Angel & Rogue are hardly in it, which is true, but I didn't see that as being a problem - they both had story arcs and their scenes were important to them. Rogue's storyline really followed through on her experiences from the first 2 films, especially the first, in which she thought that she would be cured by the professor. Angel's arc played through just a few scenes in the film, to spectacular effect. I'd heard people complain about Juggernaut being a mutant in the film, when in the comics he's not (and that they make no mention of him being Xavier's half brother), and while it's true that his character changed from the comic to the screen - I don't see that as being a bad thing. Almost all of the characters have been changed to some degree for the big screen, and I just accept the movie universe as it's own take on the characters. I heard that people were pissed off by the death of Scott...but you were supposed to be pissed off, and scared, and shocked - that's how you should feel in the presence of Dark Phoenix - and the scene was beautiful and left me stunned. I've heard people complain about the death of Charles (apparently those people didn't stick around after the credits); it didn't bother me at all - in fact, I was kind of cheering for Phoenix. And the mutants that were cured - there is apparently hope that they won't stay cured (Magneto). I enjoyed Kitty Pryde & Colossus, and Hank. I loved seeing Iceman 'Ice Up' at the end. I thought Storm & Wolverine & Jean Grey/Phoenix were fantastic. Callisto & her cronies were good. I do think they could have given Psylocke something more iconic to do as she hardly stood out at all, but the X movies have always had cameos like that in the past (Jubilee & Kitty Pryde were both in the previous movies - Hank was a brief cameo in part II). The Danger Room rocked. I loved hearing Mystique referred to as Raven, and her story arc was so unexpected...that I wish that X4 were in the works right now, just so I could see how a rematch (with powers returned) would go over. ;-0) I would love to see a Mystique movie; love to see her & Destiny, and while Mystique was certainly changed from the comics - she's always kicked ass. Maybe the Mystique movie could bring in the newly empowered Rogue...bring that whole storyline in; with Rogue finally getting strong and flight worthy. ;-0)

Anyways; I loved the movie, and I look forward to the Wolverine & Magneto films. I hope they eventually do another X-Men movie, or at least continue with more spinoffs.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:39 PM
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   Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I went to Aut Bar hoping to see Matt and give him a cd of mashups that I told him about, but he wasn't working. I had 1 drink and talked to Terry for awhile. Jennifer called me back, and chatted me up; telling me about her adventures at Pharmacy Camp, and seeing NIN in George, Washington (no lie). Robert Mitchell showed up, just after I told Jennifer about Jeremy, so I let her go, with plans to call her tomorrow after 6pm, her time. I got my picture taken with Robert, and of course, had a blast with him; I also had my picture taken with Terry, but I had to go to Meijer to get some aftershave, and some film. They didn't have my film, but I got a bunch of aftershave. I chatted with Ingrid, Rhonda, Nona, Dorothy, & Sharon, but I went through an actual lane because the boy cashier was so hot. His name was Frank, and I gave him my webpage addy, after much, fabulously timed flirtation. I'm worried the webpage will scare away a possible friend, but what can you do?

Besides seeing X3 yesterday, I also played the Buffy game with DJ, Mark, Karen & Mollie. Oh, and after the movie, but before picking up Mark we went to Pizza House where DJ paid for my food to pay me back for buying his movie ticket (I paid for everyone, actually). I made Karen a ton of cookies while we played the board game, and after DJ left, we played a game of Trouble, before Mark & I drove Karen home, and I took a brief respite before going to Aut Bar.

I realize I've described the night in truly fucked up fashion, but it kind of amused me. So, the Frank flirting recharged me, but driving home from the store I was followed by a cop car, who left me alone, only to have a police truck follow me through 3 turns, before he left me alone, and then a 3rd police vehicle followed me almost all the way home? It was odd.

I should get some sleep so I can go to lunch with my boss & the district manager tomorrow/today...but I want to work on my webpage. I worked on it last night for the first time in over a month, I really have to update the poetry page; the poems aren't written yet, but their aching to be written... We'll see if I get any of that stuff done, or not. I need to scan pictures for the dedications page... But my bed certainly looks inviting.

I need to get that cd to Matt, and call Jennifer, and see Jeremy again, and maybe talk to this Frank person, who I may never see again on account of my entirely too graphic web page. lol It feels good to smile (at least at first).

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:34 AM
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I did update my webpage a little last night, before turning it. I slept until about 10am, and started working on my webpage again shortly after that. I put my headphones on to listen to music, because there were people on the roof, though I don't know why, and then later they were mowing the lawn. I got so caught up in what I was doing that I didn't notice so much time had passed; it was a little after 1pm, and I looked, and sure enough I'd missed DJ's call. I called him back, and the day was pretty much a bust anyways, as the new place that DJ wanted to take Gloria didn't open because they didn't pass some test; they had free samples though. When I called, DJ, Matt & Nate were at some mexican place. I didn't even know those guys were going; even though the day didn't go as planned for DJ, I still feel bad that I didn't get to see them. :-0(

I'm gonna get something to eat. I might go for a walk later...

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:32 PM
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