Monday, September 11, 2006

Saturday's party was very surreal. I'm pretty sure that most everyone who came to the party had a fantastic time. And I had some truly great moments... But my goth drama persona, which I thought had died years ago somehow seemed to resurface. This stemmed from Mollie not being there because of illness; then Jeremy seemed to have the same malady; then Shawn & Jonathan; then Heidi! And these people weren't faking to get out of a party; these are some of the really close friends who I was sure would be there, and if you could only have heard their voices... It kind of haunted me, much of the night... The rest of us party people felt bad that these people couldn't make it to the party, but were glad that they were getting rest, and weren't at the party to infect us. But this left me feeling like I was living the Masque of the Red Death. Seriously. And by the time Shawn was heard, sickly sounding, and talking about not coming to the party - I was struck by a kind of deja vu. I thought, this must have been what it was like when AIDS first broke out, and some other hot bald guy (wink) was throwing a party, only to find out that his best friends couldn't make it because they were sick, or dead. And with these morbid thoughts I fake smiled my way through most of the night.

Now, I say most of the night, but there were some moments that I truly cherished. I loved giving Carrie her birthday presents, and seeing that she didn't have any of them, and that she really liked them. I knew that she liked them all before I bought them for her, but I was worried that she might have them, and she didn't. So...that was a load off. My ex-gf Jennifer was there, and she looked AMAZING, and she gave me one of those gifts that's just impossible to top, you know? I'll describe it later, if people want to know what it was, but I don't feel like typing it all out right now. I don't really feel like typing any of this, but I want to have something here. I enjoyed the end of the night, when it was just me, Mark, Pat, Andrea & Nate, and just before that, when Steve Ball & his boyfriend Jordan were there.

There was some odd undercurrents going on with Bryan. I don't know what that was about, exactly, but he seemed to be in good spirits, and he left me a really cool myspace comment later. Chris was a jewel, just getting along with most everyone and just really seeming to enjoy herself; I'm really glad to have her as part of my circle of friends. Robert & Kayla came to the party, and it was great to see them having a good time after whatever drama had recently unfolded; it was good clean fun. Jennifer was a vision. Soloman & Janella! They were a blast, as always! I can't wait to see Janella's interviews (with Adam as cameraman). The hollywood crew were just having a good time; Nate amuses me more and more as I see him more. Andrea's such a sweetie. Bobby was at the party, and seemed to be having a goodtime, though he looked really tired also; I wish I could have talked to him more, but my mood was getting in the way. It wasn't just the missing people; it was the annoying one that did show up with Jennifer, named Mike - UGH! I thought he was only annoying me, and then Mark said something about him, and when asked about it, Jennifer admitted some annoyance as well. Later I got a couple e-mails from party goers about the rude annoying guy. roar.

Kim was there, and I hope she doesn't give Jeremy too hard of a time for not being there. I got to meet her non-gf, female happy friend, Chris, who was a lot of fun. Very good to meet her, and I hope that goes well for both of them. Mark's coworker Sean came to the party for a little while, though I didn't get to see them for long. Bill Saunders came to the party, and I can't tell you how much I enjoyed seeing him there. He gave me this amazing gift, which I opened in front of everyone, and maybe shouldn't have, as he had warned me it was graphic. They were pictues of me, having sex, blown up, black and white filtered, and framed beautifully. Yeah. lol That was fun. ;-0) But Bill left after awhile, saying he wasn't really in the mood. I wanted to tell him that I wasn't in the mood either, but I couldn't just leave. lol And you know, I didn't want to leave. I seriously would have loved if everyone had partied all night, while I worked things out in my head...

I don't want people to feel bad that I wasn't having a great time, because it made me feel better to see that everyone around me seemed to be having a lot of fun; I was very happy for them; that alone was a relief as I didn't have to feel guilty for bringing everybody down. It was just something within me, and I couldn't help feeling worried for my absent friends. Mollie alone was going to be terrible; I mean not having her there was going to suck really bad. But Shawn, Jeremy & Heidi - that was too much. These people are hugely important to me, so this was a huge blow. And Diana! Diana was sick too. It was like we were this island of people partying while the rest of the world was mired in some kind of plague.

There was this moment where Andrea, Pat, Bobby, & Bill (from work) were with me, on my bed for our video interview. Surely an odd moment. lol And everybody said they really liked my room. Bobby said that his room is smaller, and that he shares it with another boy (which could be fun sometimes, I'm sure). I would have liked to talk to Bobby more about my movie shelf. He said he liked my gay.com poster that I have up, but I should have shown him the one I don't have hanging up, as it has a football theme, and he'd probably like that one even more. I really enjoy spending time with my coworkers, which is maybe why I don't feel like Hollywood is a job; it's just where I go to see a select group of friends.

DJ was there for awhile, and helped us out, with some folding chairs. We played a game of Euchre, with Robert & Bryan as the other team. Chris sat in for awhile too. It was all good. I really enjoyed that part too. ;-0) A lot of the night is just a blur to me, and I can't really remember it in order. It's very strange. We have TONS of alcohol left, as some of the bigger drinkers (Jeremy, Shawn, Mollie-when-she-doesn't-have-to-work, & Matt) didn't show up, and Bryan, who usually ibibes quite a bit, didn't drink much or at all, that I can remember. I think maybe he didn't see that we had Rum and Vodka on the counter. Nate says I should throw a third party, and Carrie agrees; she says I should just throw a drinking party, so we can get rid of all the alcohol. We'll see. ;-0)

If I'm forgetting someone, or some amazing thing that happened, forgive me. As I said, and as it's probably fairly obvious from this entire post, the night is a blur to me.

Sunday I felt like I might be coming down with the plague. Like maybe I was the Red Death from my vision, which would have been cool/cruel if I knew that I was playing the part. But I felt a lot better later, so now I'm not sure. We'll see, I guess. I had a lot of energy when I went into work, and I got most everything that needed to be done finished by 9pm, including my lunch break, on which I watched some DS9; I've been slowly, but surely watching season 3. Bryan was working, but Nate came in and closed. I also worked with Joe, who did mostly nothing. We were mostly dead, and everything was done, so I got to talk to Nate a lot, which was great. Andrea came in at the end of the night, which was a treat. I rented Nightmares 4 & 5, and Cat People; movies I used to love when they were new.

I went to the bank after work and then went to Kroger where I got Cranberry Juice, Boost, some chips & some water. I've been drinking cranberry juice ever since I had that kidney stone, as a kind of security blanket, to prevent further such experiences. I guess a woman at the hospital told Mark & I (while I was recovering from surgery, and completely out of it) that her husband had really bad stomach problems, but that he drank this stuff (I can't think of what it's called) and so Mark got us some, and I've been mixing it with the cran juice, and I like it like that.

Home. I watched some more DS9; read a story, and fell asleep. I had nightmares. First I dreamt about the Red Death at my party, and that my friends who didn't make it were actually dead, from AIDS. This was obviously something that had been on my mind recently, so it made sense. And the dream was like a music video to this remix I found of the Sodom & Gamorrah Show by Pet Shop Boys - which, thanks to my biggoted baptist upbring has certain annoying connotations for said dream. Then I dreamt that Nate was driving me home from a party, and my sister Janice called me to tell me she had decided on a treatment for her cancer. Janice doesn't really have cancer (that I know of), but in the dream I had known that she did, but had blocked it out. I was supposed to relay some messages for her, and I just completely blanked it out and when I realized what I had done it was so horrible. And the treatment she had chosen was so risky, and it was so obvious that she wasn't going to survive - in the dream I was crying so hard... And then I woke up, hot and troubled. It was just a really bad dream.

I had a snack, and read my e-mail; took a shower, and wrote this. Ugh. It's really warm in here. I need to open my vent.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:50 AM
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   Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Monday, I did very little really. I was just trying to rest, and take care of myself, in case I was coming down with the plague. I stayed in. I did have a long talk with Jeremy on the phone, which made me feel good. Jeremy thinks he caught Strep Throat from this guy named Christopher(?) that he drove home last week when he found the guy stumbling drunkenly towards his car. He drove him home; good deed accomplished. He stayed the night though, when he didn't want to sleep with him, and had no clue who the guy was. The guy wanted more, and got Jeremy stripped, and they kissed, but then the guy backed out. The guy apparently has Strep Throat and didn't tell Jeremy, but he was out of his mind... Jeremy left the next morning to go to work, and left the guy a note, and now the guy is pissed that Jeremy is in an open relationship, which doesn't make any sense... We talked about tons of other stuff too. We talked about the party, and how much he wanted to be there, and what the party was like. We talked about a recent low point in his conquest file, which will hopefully be the last time he does such a thing... And why am I reliving the whole conversation now? lol

I watched A Nightmare On Elm Street 4 & 5 that day too. Jeremy said that was really odd, and that he'd seen a couple of those movies and they were weird. I was raised on those movies, so they seem perfectly normal to me. Rewatching these movies years after I saw them 20 or 30 times has been really intersesting. I have 6 & 8 right now.

Tuesday I bought the original Cat People, it's "sequel" Curse of the Cat People, and the 1982 remake of the 1942 original. Don't ask me why, except I used to really like the remake, and I've always wanted to see the original. And we don't have the damned thing at Hollywood. And they were cheap.

I worked with Bryan, Pat, Jeff & Bobby on Tuesday. I guess that Bobby lives really close to me; in an apartment building on Broadway! That's kind of cool; maybe we can hang out sometime. I picked up some film I dropped off on my lunch, and I had some good pictures. Bill stopped by, and rented movies, and we chatted for awhile, which was fun. I should scan all these pictures; I'm getting behind on that, but it's just such an annoyance. The end results are always worth it, but...it's just something I loathe.

I've been eating a lot the last couple of days in hope of staving off illness. Hopefully it works, but I should probably get some exercise just the same. lol I work today, and then have Thursday off. I work Friday, and then have Saturday off, before working on Sunday. I don't really have any plans this week except going to Necto on Friday to see Robert's final consecutive show. Maybe I'll get some work done on my webpage?

And X3 comes out on DVD on October 3, which means Mark can finally watch it in about 2 weeks, when we get the new movies in at the store. I'd really like to see it again, and see what Mark thinks of it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:50 AM
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   Thursday, September 14, 2006

Wednesday, I was late for work, which no one cared about because now that school has started it's even less busy than before, and probably won't be busy until the holidays. I did have some fun at work, and I read the new Advocate on my break. I worked on my webpage a bit; experimenting with different galleries & effects for my update, which I think I'll probably move back until January 2007. That's gives me another month or two, depending on how you look at it, and a great day to unveil the changes I'm making. I'm going to continue working on my page though, and updating my family & relatives section.

I'm grooving to VAST, which I haven't listened to in years. I'm listening to NUDE which I downloaded through Itunes, even though all these songs are also on their latest release. Supposedly they're slightly different. Regardless of that, I thought it would be cool to work on my webpage to this music, as I listened to their first cd quite a bit when I was working on my webpage back when I first created it. ;-0)

I have today off, and I'm really happy about that. I love this! I'm hoping to get some writing done today also...

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:06 AM
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   Friday, September 15, 2006

Having IBS isn't fun. I guess that's kind of obvious, but I just thought I'd thow that out there. After I slept Thursday morning, I woke up with my stomach in knots. It really knocked my day out of whack, and I only got one piece of writing done, though I did get 2 dedication pages up; one for Douglas, and one for Steven. That at least sets my mind at ease a bit. It's always good to accomplish something.

Before I slept I tracked down the guys mentioned above, on myspace; both of them have now seen their poems, and both approved them, so that rocks. I've had maybe 2 negative reactions to poems I've written for people (out of like 800 dedicated poems) but I'm always a bit nervous wondering if my work will be taken in a positive way. But that all worked out, and now Steven & I are in contact, and Douglas knows how to get ahole of me, if he ever wants to talk or anything.

I listened to more of VAST. And later, after Mark got home, and I was done working on my webpage, I got ready, and went to Aut Bar for the monthly Euchre Tournament, which I've never attended before. I was Andy's partner, and he covered my $5.00 entrance fee, as I had no clue we paid to play. Well, Andy & I took 1st place; both of us winning $25.00 - $5.00 of which I used to pay Andy back, and then the rest went to a charity of our choice, and I chose WRAP as I know that they (Jeremy & company) can use it.

Speaking of Jeremy, he arrived between rounds, and is apparently all better, and didn't have Strep Throat after all; he got tested and everything. I joined him, and his friend Chi after the game, and we talked for hours. Chi is awesome, 24, and so shy. We were giving him all kinds of useful advice. Jeremy hit on this guy he's had a crush on for months named Paul, but it didn't go as planned, which sucked, but he hooked up with another guy in the bar that he was attracted to, named Jason; a smoker wearing a black leather(?) vest. Jeremy gets laid 24/7.

After the bar, I came home, answered some e-mail, and ate while watching the latest Nip/Tuck, which Jeremy had told me was fabulous. I did enjoy it, but not as much as the premiere. I think it was because the whole Christian questioning his sexuality storyline isn't doing it for me. It's a storyline that probably needs to be told so that Christian can understand his relationship with Sean, without feeling threatened, but it just seems so obvious to me that the guy is straight...maybe a bit confuses, but straight none the less.

Anyways, I'm tired, and I need to sleep, and I need to pick up the clutter in my room first, and I'd like to read, or do some laundry, but I just don't have the time. I have to go to Necto tomorrow to see Robert's final show. Jeremy will be at Necto the next 2 Friday's (after tonight's) to promote Out Fest, so he's not going tonight, which is fine. BLAH. I need to get away from this dread machine. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:07 AM
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   Saturday, September 16, 2006

Friday morning, I did take a shower, and pick up the clutter in my room; I did put a load of laundry in the washer, which included all my work clothes. And I read some more of a Star Trek book I've been reading.

I had been reading "Brightly Burning" and really enjoying it... But ever since loaning the first 2 seasons of DS9 to Jeremy & Danny I've been slowly, but surely rewatching Season 3. I love DS9, but every time I've tried to get back into watching it, I've failed, until now, and I'm really enjoying it. I just finished watching "Past Tense, Part II" the other day, which is set just before the start of Star Trek: Voyager. I thought that I'd start rewatching Voyager as well, but then I remembered that there are a series of Trek books that help set up Voyager and deal with other stories relating to the Maquis that I've always wanted to read, and figured now was a good time to do so; I'd keep watching DS9 while reading these books, and then at the end of the season, when I'd finished the books, I'd watch Voyager Season 1, and then continue as planned.

These pre-Voyager books; I'd read one of them about 8 months ago ("The Brave & The Bold, Book Two: The Third Artifact"), and loved it. That story explained how & why Tuvok had infiltrated Chakotay's Maquis cell, and it was filled with so much continuity, and just about every Maquis face we'd ever met! It rocked, though there was a minor continuity flub concerning Cal Hudson's friendship with Sisco, though I can't remember the details just now. There was another pre-voyager book (1 of 2) written by Voyager co-creator Jeri Taylor, and as such was on the verge of being considered cannon, but it jibed with some of the things I'd already read, and I didn't finish it, and I don't intend to. I like that a creator of a Trek series cared enough about the character to release a book filled with details that might be worked into future episodes, but I also know that the writers of Voyager tended to rip former continiuty to shreds for the sake of their so-so storytelling. Still, J.T. wrote some great Next Gen episodes, including "The Outcast", which was the closest Next Gen ever came to having a 'gay' episode.

The next book on in this thematic cycle, is part of the Double Helix series. A cross-Trek series that takes place over many years, and teams together many known characters under interesting circumstances, all relating to a central story, ivolving a kind of plague. I must admit that I'd put off reading this one, thinking that it would suck, badly. This one is Book 4 of the series and is titled "Quarantine", and it explains how William Riker's double, Tom Riker, (introduced in the 6th Season Next Gen episode "Second Chances") became a member of the Maquis, as seen in DS9's "Defiant". So far the book (which I'm reading as part of the Omnibus Edition which contains the whole series) has been a fantastic read! The characters all seem 'real' and the plot is a perfect continuation of the Brave & The Bold story, though that story was written after this one. I may eventually read the other stories in this series, but for now I've got to continue on with my pre-voyager check list. I'll try to keep you posted on how that goes.

Anyways, I read a bit before bed. I had taken my prilosec on time, and had been awake without eating, several hours before going to bed, but my acid reflux was still kicking in, and I'm not sure why that is. It really sucked though because I couldn't get enough sleep before work. And I didn't set my alarm clock, again. I have a new desk, which I really like, but my alarm clock sits on this desk, which is now much farther away from my bed. I used to lay in bed and look over and have the clock within my reach and set the alarm; now I don't even notice the clock is there! lol

I was a bit late for work, as my clothes weren't dry yet, and I hadn't gotten up in time to prevent that outcome. It was no big deal. Jeremy called me to tell me he had fun hanging out with me the night before. He was walking to work from the bus stop while we talked, as his car is still in the shop. He wants to get together next week some time. He eventually got to work, and I let him go. Mark dropped me off at work, and the day went by very slowly. I was very tired, and my acid reflux was kicking my ass - but I put on a brave face, and tried not to call too much attention to said affliction. Bryan went home early, and he didn't look well; I hope he's ok. I worked with Bobby, & DJ, and eventually Matt, Heidi, and Joe. Solomon stopped by, which was nice. Bobby went home early as well, but not before revealing in conversation that he reads my blog! That's cool. DJ reads it sometimes too. I find it very flattering, as I seriously don't expect anyone to read this thing; it's mostly just for me. Though I do hope that people will read it on occasion, if we haven't had time to talk, but I don't require it or anything. It was great seeing Heidi; I always miss her when she's not around...and Matt apologised for not making it to my party, but I gave him a bit of rough time about it.

I punched out on time and watched some DS9, but I was so tired. Mark was really late picking me up because he went to a carwash, and he assumed that I was still working because I was late - but our labor has been so far over lately, that I just wanted to help out and punch out on time - and I was so fucking exhausted. I just wanted to sleep.

When Mark came to get me I was just getting to the emotional highlight of the DS9 episode I'd been watching...of course. He had taken the car to a carwash because someone at the business next to his had scraped our car door, and he wanted to see if the car had actually be scratched; it has been. Mark dropped me off so I could sleep, and then went to the police to fill out a police report. Mark really cares about what the car looks like, and files more police reports about his cars than anyone I've ever met. I chose not to say anything about this, as I didn't want to upset him, and I figured as long as I'm not involved I don't care what he does. I just wanted to sleep.

I couldn't get right to sleep, so I finished the DS9 episode I'd started, and then went to sleep, which I was woken from almost right away by Mark. He'd knocked on my door earlier, but it was at another emotional moment in the episode and I didn't want him to spoil this one, so I'd said he could come in as long as he didn't talk, and he didn't come in. Now he seemed disappointed that the episode was over. He wanted to join me, but I was going to sleep. We were good. And he left me to my slumber.

I did manage to get some sleep, but I kept waking up. I kept having to pee. I don't know why. But it just seemed like pissed forever. lol And I don't remember drinking a lot of water or anything; it was odd. And eventually I had to get ready for Necto. I really, REALLY didn't want to go, but it was Robert's last night, and I couldn't miss that. I didn't even get there until a quarter to 1am. I talked to Robert, and Becky the bartender. Steven & Douglas were there, but the connection I'd felt with them the week before seemed to have faded...or something. Later on, I asked Doug what he thought of his dedication page and he told me it was unexpected; that I'd told him that it wouldn't be up until November. I do remember saying something like that, but I was talking about my picture section, not his page, and I was probably just not very clear. He said that he didn't want me to take it down, but that it was unexpected. Unexpected. He didn't say how he felt about it, but whatever connection we had last week was gone or in seclusion. It sucked. Steve was talking to me, but again, there was strangeness, though he was open to talking to me, and said we'd talk through myspace, or AIM.

Frank Lee was there, as was his ex-boyfriend Bobby Mushroe. I had a horrible headache when I got to the bar, but found some midrin in the car, and took them just before entering, so I was kind of spacey. I got a drink, but gave it away when I remembered I shouldn't have alcohol with my drugs. I met a boy named Adam, who danced with me downstairs. There was a boy dancing with a girl next to me that had smiled at me more than once and I knew him, but when I went to say hello to him I remembered I was supposed to call my friend Jason, and I called him Jason instead. It was horrible. I knew it was Bobby. His friend Laurie/Laura/Laurel/bitch (she said she gets all of those) looked like she wanted me dead. It probably didn't help that there was drama between Bobby & Lee, and I'd been talking to them both, and I later danced with Lee. I did get a picture taken with Bobby though. We used to chat online, and he told me more than once that he was really attracted to me, in detail... But that's apparently over, or his own boy drama has overwhelmed it. Damn.

Adam was fun. He & his friends were there from Dearborn Heights (I think), and they were a fun bunch of people. I saw Keevan, and talked to him for a bit. I kept seeing people that I knew, which is fun for me. Andy was there. A couple guys groped me, and the guy that kissed me really hard last week (Michael - curse my wacky memory!) was there, but he was a lot more sober, and I don't think he remembered me. lol I still didn't want to be there, but I made the most of it, and I met some great people, while chatting with friends.

When the night ended, Robert called me out again, though I don't think anyone knows me as Jason Wright; if he'd said Bald Jason, people would have caught on...but he actually quoted some of my poetry! It was a bittersweet goodbye, and I had another picture taken of us. When people were leaving, I pushed ahead and walked to my car to get my jacket and hat. Someone called my name, but I shouted that I'd be right back. They didn't wait for that and followed me. It was Adam and his friends. I had said goodbye to them in the club, as they had left early, but they'd stuck around outside, and I got the impression they'd stayed to see me. I was flattered, but I was so tired, and emotionally not quite there. I knew that Adam liked me; his friends had told me, though it seemed fairly obvious anyways. He's 20 years old, and he smokes. But he's cute, and he's a good dancer, and... I don't know. I'm not looking right now I guess. His friends wanted us to kiss, but I had kissed him fast earlier on the lips and I could taste his cigarettes just doing that, and I told them that I don't kiss smokers. I kissed his neck instead and they snapped a picture with my camera. His cologne smelled good, but the taste of it made my stomack turn over. I smiled though, and I wished him well.

I went up to the pizza place again, as Steven had invited me, but I was still really tired, and the midrin wasn't helping, and I was feeling overwhelmed by emotions that I couldn't process. There was the goodbye to Robert that had me crying, and the total absence of connection with Steve/Doug after last week's intensity, as well as some annoying bitch comparing me to Michael Jackson for a laugh. I knew that I was exhausted, when the jibe actually hurt me, when usually I wouldn't have given it a 2nd thought. The wonderful strangeness with Adam, was welecomed and painful all at once, though I couldn't place why that was...

I was glad to get home. I showered. I cried a lot. I read my mail; there was a message from Keevan, saying he thought I was interesting, and that he liked that I could carry on a conversation; that there was more to me than met the eye. That was good to hear after the horrifics of the night. I ate, and watched some DS9. And I eventually got to sleep, which you'd think would happen right when I got home, but I wanted to get myself out of the weird emotional funk I was in before dropping into dreams. I thought that I had, only now I'm not so sure.

I had horrible dreams. First I dreamt that Mark & I were living on my Grandmother's farm. I was actually living with my grandmother, until she moved away, as did my Aunt Marge. Something sinister was at work. The new youth pastor from my family's church moved into Grandma's house, and I was hiding the fact that I was gay from everyone. I was at church and they were talking about how horrible it was to be gay, & I just exploded and told them all off. The youth pastor guy told his minions (because that's what all these people were) to take care of me, and a huge fight ensued, in which I kicked major ass - it was like The Matrix; there were even some weapons involved. I made sure not to hurt this asian girl who didn't really want to hurt me; I sensed that she was a lesbian pretending just as I had been. It was kind of like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, only this menace made gay people straight, but not without changing who they were forever, and I fought for my freedom. I eventually escaped, though I made sure the asian girl (Raa Haa) was alright. As I was escaping I encountered my mother, and she told me that Mark had assured her that I wouldn't cause any trouble, and I looked and saw that Mark had been changed too! I knew my mother had done it and I punched her lights out. Mark & I had a pact that if something happened like this, that the other one would kill the other, so I had to do it. I pulled a gun out of my mother's belt and I aimed it at his head as he walked towards me; he was talking to me, but it wasn't the Mark talked before they changed him, and I shot him...only once but he crumpled down on the floor, dead, right away. I knelt down and touched his face, but they'd implanted something monstrous within him, and it was leaving his body behind - I shot it until there were no more bullets and then I shattered a window using the gun, dropped it and then ran for my parents' home, where I could hide in the woods. It was daybreak, but a truck filled with redneck assholes spotted me, and started 'hunting the fag'. My fighting skills were gone, and I was just running...until I was trapped...and there was nowhere left to run...and I woke up.

I hadn't even been asleep for 2 hours. I used the bathroom, and went back to bed, almost afraid to go back to sleep, but too exhausted to fight it. I dreamt about many things this time, but one of the constants, was that I was with someone that I should have known, but didn't. This bothered him, but his face kept changing; literally! His face kept changing into people that I'd met over the years, but I almost always knew that he wasn't really that person. Eventually we, along with another large group of people our age, were trapped inside of an old, labrythine barn. He and I had played in barns when we were little, and we were the most experienced, and were trying to lead our group out... It was very important that we escape, as those who were keeping us here were going to kill a lot of people in their plot to take over the world. I found a trap door in a spooky hayloft, but it was too small to fit through, and the drop would have killed us, anyways. The friend with the changing face, who now looked like a boy I met at Necto named Ted (who had beautiful dark brown skin, and a boyfriend), found a kind of window and he said that it was his jump, before leaping out the window. The rest of us went running towards the window only to find that there was a giant windmill on the outer side of this wall, and he had leapt out onto the spinning arms. It was raining outside. At first I thought that he had found a way out, but then I realized that he had miscalculated, and there would be no way to get down. As he realized this, and his face changed again, he put on a brave front, even as the turning wheel nearly tossed him away, several times, and in order to hang on, he was abused by the machine in horrible ways, I turned away, saying I couldn't watch, but I looked back as he screamed my name, filled with fear, and then he fell. Just as he crashed into the moist earth, that gave way beneath him, someone in our group found a secret door but it was locked. I kicked it down, and we ran down a creeking stairwell and out into the night. I ran to where my friend had died, and found him, in the hole he had made on impact with the muddy earth. His upper body was deeper than the rest, and he was laying at a horrible angle that no living person could achieve, and his face...it was Jason Brooks. I fell into the hole with him, and tried to get his body out, but a car came out of nowhere, and I had to get out of the hole, before the car could kill me. I barely made it, and the car, driven by a drunk guy with his girlfriend got stuck in the hole; the front of the car tilted, as the driver's side front tire tipped into the hole. I glared at them, and somehow lifted the car out and pushed it aside. They were laughing, and when I looked in the hole, I saw that somehow some of their shit that they had filled the back seat of their stinking car with, had been thrown into the hole on top of Jason. I told them to quit laughing, as they had just dropped a bunch of their junk on my dead friend; that shut them up, and I began digging through the junk, trying to find my friend. I was thinking about what I was going to tell Jason's mother. That he had died trying to save us, and it all became to much for me, and I blacked out. I woke in a car, that my my stepfather was driving, with my mother in the passenger seat, and me in the back, and I looked down and on the floor I saw all the junk that had been thrown ontop of Jason. I started digging though it again, but Jason wasn't there. I asked my mother where he was. It felt very important that I find him, even though he was dead. I was crying. My mother handed me a vial with a tooth in it, with long roots. I knew it was Jason's. She said it was his, but she didn't say tooth, she called it something else. I suddenly knew that the force that had meant to take over the earth had taken my parents. This thing in the vial didn't have anything to do with Jason, and the things in the car were not related to me in the slightest. I was the last, and they were taking me to the source of this nightmare. I knew that I couldn't defeat it. But I also knew that they needed me alive. I opened the back door of the speeding car and jumped out, slamming into the pavement; it hurt horribly, and a bounced a few times... I wasn't dying. I looked around, though it hurt horribly to move. We were only on a road in the country, or so I thought, but as I looked over the edge of the road, where land should be, the road was actually a suspension bridge, miles above a dark blue, angry, sea. The car was coming back for me, but smiled, with blood caking in my mouth, and pulled myself over the edge. I didn't even have time to fall before I woke up gasping.

After waking up, and wrote about my dreams here while they were fresh. I saved the entry, then stretched, and used the bathroom, before returning and writing about yesterday and last night.

While I was writing this, Mark came in and told me that he'd gotten a call from some place that had asked for his I.D. for his credit card which he'd refused to do, and the manager that had just called had apologised for that and that the employee would be retrained. I know this makes Mark feel good, & I think he wanted me to congratulate him, or admit defeat or something, but it just made me feel bad for the employee who was just doing what he/she had been trained to do. I've been that person, and people like Mark, who rock the boat for some personal reason, when just flashing your I.D. takes less time than making a fuss, and protects people from credit card theft...just annoy me. The credit card company says that stores need not ask for I.D. as they will cover the costs if your card is stolen. But wouldn't you rather that if a card were stolen that the person involved be caught? That less money would have been used by this person? Mark thinks it's a racial thing, which I know from experience, that it's not! At least it never has been in any place that I've ever worked. But I know that he's not alone in this. Several black customers over the years have complained about me asking them for I.D., but I ask every person, so how that's a racial thing, I don't know. And I can honestly say that the people of every color who've thanked me for this practice have FAR outweighed the silly few who have been bothered by it. This is just something that Mark & I will never agree on.

Mark also came back to borrow a shirt, and then again to give me my phone which had been ringing - I checked my messages just now, and the call was from Bryan; it's his mom's birthday and we're invited to go play cards there around 7pm. I'd love to see them all, but I still feel kind of battered from last night, and those terrible dreams afterwards, so I'm not sure I'm up to it. I'll think about it. But I'm finally finished writing this now, and I want to do something else; anything else!

And if you're reading this: Happy Birthday Paul!

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:11 PM
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