Thursday, April 2, 2009

I had headaches on Tuesday. I've had so many headaches lately. I'm tired of headaches.

I eventually slept, and I slept well. I woke up headache free, but that soon ended. Michael (not ex-bf Michael), a boy that I'd made a date with for Saturday came over last night instead. We went out to eat and then came back here and hung out. Mark came home from work and met him briefly. Hanging out with Michael was nice. We held hands when we were out. We snuggled and talked about all kinds of things. We had sex.

The sex was good. But I feel strange about it. It was completely safe; condoms were used for everything - even things I don't usually use condoms for. And my body definitely enjoyed it and craved it. But I felt odd for having sex so soon with him, which is not something that I usually feel. I'm used to having sex very early...

As I was typing the above passage at about 8:30am, Mark entered my room, troubled about work and unable to sleep - I'll come back to this later. This was over 12 hours ago. lol

So - yeah. I think I felt weird about having sex with Michael because while I liked him, I hadn't gotten to the point where I usually would have given in, but I just really wanted it badly on a physical level, and I just don't often succumb to that sort of thing. And so I felt a bit odd about it. At leat I think that's why. I'm not really sure. Perhaps it was just a fluke.

After Michael left, I did some stuff online, and traded multiple text messages with Michael. Later I started this entry, and Mark entered my room, as already mentioned. I talked to Mark, and tried to ease his mind, and that wasn't working I got him to lay down and cuddle with me. This was after hours of cuddling with Michael. I felt like quite the cuddle whore. lol. But it also felt good to be there for Mark and to kind of touch base on our complicated friendship. It was nice.

I slept for a bit, though I remember nodding off and waking up several times. The last time I woke up, my stomach was pretty upset - probably from the food I ate the night before. Mark returned to his room, and seemed to be better. I went back to mine. I woke Mark up for work, but didn't drive him there as I'd earlier planned, as my stomach was still a bit dodgy.

I slept. I woke up around 6pm, I think. I sent Mark a text asking him to stop at the bank and the grocery store for me, as I was quite hungry. I did the dishes. I cleaned the counters. I picked up some of the living room clutter. I made Mark's bed, and removed empty soda cans from his room. I put his icepack in the freezer. I cleaned the counter and mirror in the bathroom; scrubbed the toilet. I bagged up the trash. I basically did a lot of things that needed to be done. lol

I made cookies, which I ate, while watching funny British comedy on youtube. I called Mark to make sure he got my text. We talked about some work drama, which sort of upset my stomach more. I hate that I'm so sensitive to that kind of thing. When I was younger I lived for that kind of in-your-face drama, and now I do all that I can to avoid. Still, I think I gave some sound advice, which I'm proud of. Mark hadn't gotten my texts so, it was good that I called and he agreed to go to the bank and store for me, even though he didn't really want to. Awwww. Thank you Mark.

About Michael. He's been texting me sweet texts throughout the day. Which is nice. I had a really good time with him last night. I find myself wanting to take it slowly, which has kind of been my motto for the last few years really. I'm happy if it becomes more, but if it doesn't I'm ok with that too. I'm content being single, but I'm not afraid of commitment. I just want to enjoy all the good things about this. And we'll see where we end up.

Mark got off work almost 2 hours ago; I wonder where he is?

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:40 AM
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Mark just texted me and he's just now leaving work.

Michael also just texted me and he's looking forward to seeing me again.

All Good News. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:48 AM
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Talked to Michael last night on the phone. Later watched 'Would I Lie To You?' with Mark, while we snacked and laughed. It was nice. Continued watching after Mark went to bed. Then watched still more British TV. So FUNNY. Talked to Michael on the phone this morning. We might hang out Friday night; we'll see.

I'm tired, but it's so warm in my room. I might need to turn the air down again.

Here's the trailer for the new Doctor Who special "Planet of the Dead", which airs a week from Saturday:

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:50 AM
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   Friday, April 3, 2009

Trailer for the upcoming K9 Series. This K9 is not the one from Sarah Jane Adventures (that's the Mark IV); this is the original K9 (Mark I) - and the series will most likely not be crossing over with Doctor Who, Sarah Jane or Torchwood - as it's made my different people. Still. This is a Doctor Whoniverse series, and I'll be giving it a try:

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:15 AM
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   Sunday, April 5, 2009

Ok. This entry is mostly about this new guy I'm seeing. I've mentioned him before. His name is Michael Glen Slaughter (not to be confused with recent ex-bf Michael Eisinger). He likes to be called Collin, but since I've always thought the name Michael is sexy, he lets me call him that. He's 36; he'll be 37 in June, but he looks a lot younger than that (not that he would have to; he just does). He looks amazing actually. I thought he looked cute in his pictures, but when I met him in person he was so much cuter. Mark, who had also seen his pictures, said the same thing. He's sweet, thoughtful, funny, giving, and aside from all those wonderful things...he's also quite the sex god; not only is he really good in bed, but he sports a constant hardon (I'm not even kidding) - and he's NOT small.

I've been talking online with Michael for about 2 weeks. We had planned on a date for Saturday (April 4, yesterday), but he said he wanted to see me sooner and he took me out to eat Tuesday night. I've already covered this before, but it all went really well. We got along great. We slept together, which was also great, though I had some odd emotions tied into it that I sorted out later. During this visit Michael invited me to join him and his friend Melissa for a trip to Necto on the 10th; he also wanted to see me again on Saturday, and was talking about maybe inviting me on a trip up north with him and his friends.

Now let me say that I've shared stuff with Michael that has in the past freaked out a lot of potential boyfriends (such as the contents of my webpage, my medical bs, stories about my past, etc) and he's taken everything in stride. He actually seems to find most of it cute, which I'm not used to. He's a perfect gentleman...who at times seems older than me - and then completely ageless. It's extremely refreshing, and all together unexpected.

We talked on the phone and texted Wenesday-Friday. Actually, it's a really good thing that I have my pretty new RANT phone, as I'm texting all the time lately, and he's a big part of that. Michael wanted to know if I could hang out Friday night as well as on Saturday. My ex-bf Paul & I had been trying to find a time all week to hang out but nothing was working and the last resort was Friday night. I told Michael that I'd think about it. And Friday morning I just knew. I wanted to see Michael. I called and told him this, which made him very happy. I also rearranged my plans with Paul which was no big deal.

Friday I slept. When I woke I called Michael and he came over; he dressed up for me, and it was so great to see him again. We went to Little Caesars for the Crazy Bread I'm so in love with lately (I paid for our bread; he bought me a soda - I'm so not used to dates paying for anything), and that was all good fun, with the eating and the chatting, and the Little Caesars people there. It was nice.

Then I showed him the Hollywood Video that I worked at, before we went to Necto. We got a really great parking space out front, then I got us in for free; introduced Michael to Keevan, who watched our coats for us, then introduced Michael to everyone that I could, while showing him off (he's so hot). We got drinks (from Becky - who I didn't think to introduce him to). I introduced him to Doug (who's got an interesting look going on right now), who drank one of my 3 cream bombs. I introduced him to Leon & Scott. I was sad that Calvin from HARC wasn't there. We danced, which was nice. We left fairly early for Aut Bar.

Calvin from HARC was at Aut Bar. So was Tracy (a guy I went out with a few times back in 2006) - and his former roomie Shane. Gino was there. Redcloud was there but I didn't get to talk to him before he left. We met T, Josh, Otto, Butler...and assorted other peeps. It was all good. Then we went back to my place.

We cuddled. And showered. And screwed. And cuddled. Talking all the while. Michael told me that his friend Melissa wanted him to invite me to see Stomp; I told him I'd think about it. Michael went to sleep and I worked on some Trek stuff, which I'll discuss after all the Michael stuff. Michael was so cute while he was sleeping. He eventually woke up while I was reading the news, and he pulled me into bed. I was so content, holding Michael in my arms. He said this made him happy too. We were snuggled up so nicely.

Later, when Michael was more awake, we fooled around some more. I hadn't cum the night the first time around, but he made sure I did the 2nd time, which a lot of guys wouldn't have done - and it touched me that he wanted me too. It was nice. Michael had to leave though, which sucked. He left, I took a shower and talked to Mark about random stuff before I went back to trading messaged on the Trek forums - and texts with Michael. He asked me to call him when I woke up.

I slept really well. I woke up in the evening. I called Michael. He was hanging out with his friends Melissa, Mark & Dan. He let me go so he wouldn't be rude. As soon as I was off the phone with him I missed him terribly. I went to text him that, and he'd already texted me telling me he missed me and that his friends wished that he'd brought me. I was about to text him asking for directions, if that was ok, when he asked if I wanted them to come get him and I said sure. I got ready (changing my clothes several times) and let Mark know I was going.

Michael & his friend Dan arrived to pick me up. I was nervous about meeting Michael's friends. Sometimes when meeting friends of a boyfriend or lover there's drama or a clash of somekind and there was none of that going on which was a relief. When we made to Dan & Mark's house I was welcomed in, and made to feel at home. Melissa was so cute, and Dan & Mark make such a fun couple. We drank and talked. We played Wii Bowling, which was fun even though I came in last each game (I improved on my score every game though). We played euchre. Michael and I lost the first two games but beat Dan & Mark the final one (Melissa likes to watch). We were listening to a great mix the whole time, and at one point U2 came on, and I said "I LOVE U2", which made everyone look at me funny, as they thought I was saying to Michael "I love You Too" - Michael looked like he was going to have a heart attack. I quickly explained what I meant and that was funny. Later during euchre I made a great play and Michael said he loved me, then I did something else and he said he loved me even more. I pointed this out and he blushed and said that wasn't what he meant.

Melissa is adorable. She's in love with this ex-gf of hers, and the ex is involved with someone else, and Melissa is helping her through this, even though she wants the girl for herself. She's a good friend and I so respect her for that. Plus she's funny, and cute, and she gives good hugs. She told me tonight about how the Stomp thing wasn't happening now as the tickets were outragious. There was talk of musicals, which Mark hates (as does my Mark).

Dan & Mark are cute together and you can see they really love each other; they've been together for years. They have 2 dogs and are dog-sitting 2 others - all of which are cute. Winston was my favorite. Dan is 32 and I think Mark is 38? I can't remember. But I pointed out while we were there that we all look really young. And I felt young hanging out with them.

We left Dan & Mark's house around 4am I think, though I could be wrong. It was after 3am. We stopped at a gas station so I could get some snacks as I'd not eaten since Michael was asleep at my place, at least 14 hours before. Then we went to Michael & Melissa's house. They have cats, so they were careful not to keep me there too long, but I got to see Michael's room, which is adorned with weapons (he likes weapons but not guns; he has weapons from Xena, Batman, X-Men and more). He's also got a lot of dvds, especially tv shows, many of which we have in common. He's a really big Xena fan, which is cool.

Aside from Melissa, Michael also lives with 2 other guys. One's name I never remember unless it's mentioned. The other is Scott, who's 38 and an ex-bf of Michael's. One of them reads (or is reading a) Velgarth book. It's actually cool that Michael lives with an ex, as this means he understands me living with Mark. It's also cool (if sad) that his living situation with Scott is kind of shitty (it sounds) as it makes my living with Mark even more understandable, and nice by comparison. Selfish of me, I know. I don't mean it to be though. I didn't meet the other 2 roomies though as they're both out of town. Scott is apparently in Toledo with a guy he met on line named Antonio?

Michael and Melissa then drove me home. I loved hanging out with them, but it's nice to have some alone time to collect my thoughts. Though, part of me wishes I was back in Michael's bed at his place, holding him the way I did in my bed last night.

As I was writing this there was a lengthy exchange of texts. The short version is that Michael and I really like each other; our feelings are intense. And we both acknowledge this. It might just be infatuation, and only time will tell if these feelings are real, but we're talking about them, and it's really great. No matter what happens, I've told him I'm grateful for the time we've shared together, because he's really made me happy.

Michael likes it when I scratch his back. And when I hold his hand in public, or when I kiss him. I think his friends liked me, but I can't be sure. They seemed to like me though. Mark gets along with him fine so far. So far everything is going fine.

Michael told me tonight that while we aren't a couple or boyfriends, that he kind of feels like we are and he's not interested in anyone else and that he can't stop thinking about me. It's sad that I've been hurt so much, by so many men, that I can't easily trust his intentions or his words. It's very sad. But they're nice to hear, and I'm taking the simple joy of hearing those words, and spending time with him, and I'm taking all that to heart. Because I'll have the memory of that even if everything else falls apart. I don't want it to fall apart, but experience tells me that it's likely. Even if part of me dreams that it won't. This is nice.

Oh. The Star Trek thing. I'm working on this section of my webpage devoted to LGBT inclusive Trek in the series, novels, comics, games - everything I can think of. Well in the Trek Forum I've been going to I opened a thread asking for help, and I got a lot of really cool responses and messages about it, which I've been checking up on over the weekend. That's been another really cool thing.

And Robotech continues to amuse.

And I'm hearing exciting things about the Christmas Who Specials! I want them now!

I miss Michael.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:54 AM
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   Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I just woke up from hours of dreaming the most amazing, silly, fun dreams...so pardon if there a tons of errors in this post. lol There were so many different stories told in those wondrous dreams. I remember buying my father a new suit, and hanging out with Janice and the kids. Taking pictures with my camera phone at a supermarket on this endless road down which dragons were traveling. Kara Thrace's untold history of capturing Robot Kong in a Destroy All Monsters type deal; she was a amazing - and then her and some other in a coed bath - which was graphic but not sexual at all. The murder of a child (we found the foot) then went back in time to see what happened. A journey through fields in Milan that I've longed to explore, and a magical adventure in the backyard of what was once my Great-Grandfather's house. I think I slept for about 10 hours or...actually more. I think I went to bed around 3 or 4, and I woke up around 2am - that's amazing to me - I feel so rested though. I find myself longing to see 'Princess Mononoke' & 'Spirited Away'- both of which I don't own. I do have that one with the voice of Christian Bale, who's name escapes me at the moment - oh, "Howl's Castle".

There was however a time when I woke up, with the worst stomach cramps, which I've not had in at least a few weeks. The pain was so horrible... I worked it all out though - and that was a 45 minute ordeal. Earlier, before sleeping my stomach was also not doing well. I waw throwing up again, which hasn't been happening much at all anymore. There have been maybe 3 times in the last 2 months I'd wager. So while things have improved a great deal, the last 24 hours have felt like the old days when I was sick all the time. It was not a fun walk down memory lane.

Ok. Now let's fill in the blanks of what's happened since my last entry, which was written in the early morning hours of Sunday, April 5. I can't really remember much about Sunday. There were texts with Michael, and he told me he'd call me after he got out of work around 1am on Monday morning. I slept.

Mark started working third shift that night, and I told him I'd drive him so I could go to Little Caesars on my way home (he needed to be at work at 10pm, LC closes at 11pm on Sunday) - but Mark suggested we stop on the way there so he could get some too. It was raining and the news on all fronts was that it would turn into snow. When we stopped at LC there was no fresh bread so while we waited, we talked and chilled - it was nice. And we watched as the rain became sleet, which became snow. I couldn't eat the bread in the car as it was so hot. We went to Mark's work and ate the bread there. I met some of Mark's coworkers, and then left durring a blizzard.

I had originally planned to stop at Meijer / Kroger for groceries, but the weather was so bad that I put that off, figuring I cold go in the morning with Mark. Instead I drove through the falling snow listening to a recently mixed cd, thinking about Michael and all that's been going on with us. I got through 5 songs on my way home:

01 The Blower's Daughter
- Damien Rice

"I can't take my mind off of you..."

02 There. There. (The Boney King of Nowhere)
- Radiohead

"Just because you feel it, doesn't mean it's there."

03 This Twilight Garden
- The Cure

04 The Rake's Song
- The Decemberists

&

05 Don't Take Your Love For Me
- VAST

That last song I've loved since it was first released but now is tied into imagery from Smallville, as it was used in the 8th Season episode "Bride" to remarkable effect.

I quickly realized on my trek home that the snow didn't bother me. I'd heard people bitching about this coming storm for days and I expected to be bothered by it too, but instead I found it quite beautiful. Perhaps since I've stayed so isolated and avoided the weather on purpose, this storm felt new. A lovely side effect.

More texts with Michael. Another conversation with him, while he closed down his store, which is in Allen Park. His coworker and friend (Patches - who's daughter made Michael a friendship bracelet that hangs from his rearview mirror) said hello, and later locked her keys in her car. Michael and I talked for hours, with him eventually making it home to a drunk Melissa...and his comfy bed. We talked about how sad it was that he wouldn't be able to make it to my AVP LAN party, which was set to begin between 7 & 8. The plan for Michael was to come over after work at around 2 or 3 am. Michael told me again that he loves me. I told him that I believe he cares for me, and that he's had a lot of terrible partners and I just seem really cool by comparison...and that I have some intense feelings for him too, but it's way too early to know if they're love. I've been infatuated; I've had very intense crushes which were gone within a month or two - and they felt just like this, so having had those experiences I understand why it's best to take your time in these matters. Michael eventually had to go to sleep and I let him go.

I found it very difficult to sleep. I stayed up not doing much of anything. I slept for about 20 minutes. I picked Mark up in the morning. It had stopped snowing but there were massive amounts of the stuff. Again, I thought it was pretty, rather than annoying. We brought home a monitor for the AVP party, and we stopped at Kroger where I got some groceries. Mark went to sleep almost as soon as we got home, and again I found it impossible to sleep. I tried. I lay down in the dark, but I just couldn't quite get to sleep. This can often be the symptom of a larger problem...meaning that things are going to get worse for me soon, as I get very cranky when I don't sleep, and this causes more troubles which can then multiply. I figured this wasn't that big of a deal though, as I could party with my friends later and sleep between them leaving and Michael's arrival; I thought I might even leave the front door unlocked for him and he could just come upstairs and join me. When I was in bed trying to sleep, I noticed I had a text from Michael saying something about a surprise and that I should call him; I didn't want to call him right then as I was afraid that would wake me up even more and I'd never get to sleep - I decided I'd call him during the game, or possibly before my guests arrived if I had the time.

I did get to sleep around 4pm. I set my phone alarm for 6pm. I woke up at 7pm to the sound of the vacume cleaner. I felt recharged, if confused. I checked my phone and it said I'd missed my alarm. Apparently it doesn't play if you have the volume turned down which I think is a stupid feature, as I need it turned down so that texts and phone calls won't wake me up! I jumped in the shower. I got out, quickly cleaned my room up. Mark had cleaned the livingroom, which I was planning to do had the alarm thing not fucked up; it made me smile that he was doing this, when he didn't have to. Mark came upstairs just as I was finishing with my room and was just about to get dressed - then Bryan arrived. I peeked around the door, told him I was naked then bounded up the stairs to put on a shirt and some underwear.

I came back downstairs and got a big hug from Bryan. He returned BSG 4.0 + he gave me a book about LGBT history he'd found, and also let me borrow his copy of Repo. Nice. Then DJ & Jamie arrived with food and we all chatted about stuff. Then, just as we were setting up the game there was another knock on the door. It was Michael. This was unexpected, and kind of threw all my plans into disarray, as Michael couldn't actually join the game (Mark's room was unprepared for a 5th player, as we didn't know we were going to have one), and even though I was feeling recharged, I was definitely looking forward to going back to bed as soon as my friends were gone. It was an extremely awkward moment, that continued to be awkward for at least 20 minutes after his arrival, and actually colored the events of the entire night. His unannounced arrival felt wrong, and no matter how much I was looking forward to seeing him later, his sudden arrival stressed me out more than I would have expected - possibly because of my sleep deprived state. I was also extremely hungry, and I find it hard to eat at home in front of many people, even close friends, let alone people I've known less than a week - which meant that not only was I about to not spend the time with my other friends the way I had planned; I was also not going to get to sleep or eat the way I had planned either. I tried to express this to Michael, but he (unsurprisingly) didn't get it. I'm odd. And that anyone understands me at all is amazing to me. I did know, as soon as he'd arrived that this was the surprise that he'd texted about, but the idea that he would follow through on this surprise without actually getting in touch with me, when we hardly know each other, seemed like a gross oversight. When I was able to express this to him later, he told me that I could have just sent him home, which I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing to anyone who'd just driven through the wintery storms to join me - no matter how inconveniant it was for me - I just would hate myself for such an action. Anyways...the damage was done.

Mark left for work during our game time. Michael played AVP a bit in my room, and I played too. I think everyone had fun. I was snacking nervously, and I felt like I couldn't really enjoy anything that was happening around me. Like my senses were completely overwhelmed. I felt like I was have an odd sort of dream, where everyone else was normal, but I felt there was something terribly wrong. It was fun at some moments and disturbing at others. It was like a bad drug trip, I suppose. I guess the important thing is that it seemed that everyone else was having fun. Michael was bothered by his error in judgment and my reaction, which I felt bad about, but I think I managed to get him to have some fun with the game and stuff...but I found the entire ordeal exhausting rather than the party experience that I usually have. It all felt spoiled. It was just...terrible. I know Michael will probably read this and feel bad, but this is the first I've been able to express the sensations I was feeling. And after waking a few hours ago from my 10 hours of sleep feeling completely rested, my first thought was how happy I was that all that madness was behind me.

Michael and I talked. We chilled. Things started feeling better. It wasn't as nightmarish now. We had some really great sex. I think sexually we fit together very well, and we like each other, which is good. It's all good, actually, except it feels like we've skipped massive steps...or like Michael has, and I just haven't been able to keep up. Take for instance him spending the night. The first night it happened I knew I was going to be awake and wouldn't have to try to sleep with him there - something I have a hard time doing with strangers - and that worked out really well. But on this night, I was exhausted and wanting to sleep (hopefully before he arrived), and feeling uncomfortable trying to sleep with him there, and not understanding why - because my mind was so confused. Here I was with this great guy, who's super hot and sexy and funny and all these other great things, and he tells me he loves me and is sending out all these kinds of signals that in my experience don't happen until certain bridges have been crossed - and so in my mind I feel almost like we have crossed those bridges, but the rest of me still felt I was caught in some kind of odd dream - where nothing felt exactly right. It wasn't horrible, but there was this sinister quality of something being wrong just below the surface that I couldn't quite pin down. There were moments that I loved. There were intervals of surprising normalcy, tenderness, and humor. But the sum total didn't add up. I'm not sure I've ever felt anything like it before. And then my stomach exploded.

My stomach, especially when things were really bad, was very sensitive to upsetting stimuli. This was another sign for me that something was wrong. Because here I was smiling in my scary dream of a waking life, and having fun, even though something felt wrong...and my body started screaming at me to see that something wasn't right. It's possible my body was just fucking with me, but that's not how it feels to me now. It feels like my body was reacting to something I wasn't facing - and my later stomach cramps felt like an extension of that.

What I'm thinking is that Michael is really cool. But that if we're going to coninue seeing each other, that he needs to dial it back. Or we both do, to be more precise. We need to cut back on the time we're spending together, and let things go at a normal pace...or I won't be able to have a truly happy ending with him. Fools rush in, and while much of what we've experienced in our first week was fun, I can't help be feel that it was foolish - not stupid and not insane; just not the best way to go. I think both of our reactions have been completely understandable...but completely unfeasible as well. We can't just skip to the end, no matter how badly we want that happy ending.

I feel good about these conclusions. I feel like the experiences I've had in my life, terrible as some of them have been, are paying off a bit here. I feel I'm looking at this situation with the seasoned eyes of a person who would never have had this kind of insight when he was 20. When I was 20 I went along with another man who wanted to jump to the end (Gene Warrick) and it too was a kind of nightmare. I wouldn't change that, as I learned a lot about myself in those days. But this situation is different, because (and this is key) Michael is sane. lol. He's not crazy. I think he's a remarkable fellow who's had some very difficult times and has come through them better than other people would have. Plus...I'm not the same man I was when I was 20. I know you can't jump to the end. And who would want to? It never works when you try, so why bother?

Michael apparently texted and called while I was asleep. As I was writing this he sent a text saying that he was scared and worried about me and if I wanted to end things with him to just let him know (apparently thinking that I hadn't responded because I didn't want to speak to him) - this, less than 24 hours after I've last seen him. That's the kind of thing that's worrying to me. For one thing, I'm not the kind of guy who ends things with a guy by not calling him. And beyond that, less than 24 hours without a call (after knowing each other for 1 week) should not a crisis make. I have to call him and talk to him about this. I hope it goes well. If we can land on the same page than things can progress...and if for some reason they can't, I'll be grateful for the fun times he gave me - even though we've only known each other a week (we chatted online before that, but only like 3 times) - it was intense and memorable.

Wish me luck.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:04 AM
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After the last entry, I called Michael but he didn't answer (he was asleep); I left him a very direct voicmail though telling him all my feelings and how I needed our relationship to slow down. I rambled on a bit, but I think I expressed myself well, and I felt good about it. I then called Mollie, hoping to get her feedback, but she didn't answer; I very rarely get to talk to her anymore and I hate it. Then I went on AIM and chatted with Mark (as he'd sent me an e-mail about a song he liked) - then Michael called me back. He hadn't listened to my voicemail, so I told him what was going on with me, and he understood, and admitted that he knew he was very intense and that he was willing to give me space to take the pressure off, even insisting that he wouldn't be calling me until Friday when he's picking me up to go to Necto. That was nice. It all went very well. Hopefully things continue to go well.

So I saw this interview and it suggested that the first of the 3 December Who specials, might actually air in November, with the final 2 airing in December. That would be nice. Also...there are at least 3 returning charcters in the final 2 specials:

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Donna Noble (!!!)
Sylvia Noble

&

Wilfred Mott, who will be the Doctor's Companion in the final 2 specials - which SOOO ROCKS - as I have long hoped to see him and the Doctor travel together (though I suspect they won't do much traveling in the TARDIS). I feel really good about all that I'm hearing about these final 3 specials. Plus we also know the Ood will appear and that there will be sequel elements to 'Human Nature' / 'The Family of Blood'.

There is also a picture which people are saying is The Master, but this has not been confirmed.

'Planet of the Dead' which airs on Saturday is described as the last romp, before the final 3 specials get 'very dark'. I like my Doctor dark, so I'm very excited about those 3 specials.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:26 AM
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   Thursday, April 9, 2009

My stomach was upset again yesterday. I feel like I'm regressing, and I'm not happy about it.

I chatted with Michael a few hours ago, on gay.com. I think we sorted some stuff out, but there were a few moments where I thought we might be done. Michael isn't good at expressing himself using the written word and the things he was trying to say ended up sounding like something else altogether. But we cleared that up. I think. We might be hanging out Friday evening.

I just watched last week's Smallville episode. I've really been enjoying this season, after the dreadful Season 7. But one of the things I loathed about Season 7 was the 'Veritas' storyline, which was retroactive continuity done horribly wrong. I don't mind that kind of thing when it fits in with things we've actually seen, but when the shit they're pouring out doesn't match up with the first few seasons and we're just supposed to have forgotten that - I find it annoying. The retrocon in this episode ("Eternal") was better than last season, but they still brough in the Veritas storyline which was so terribly handled last season and was deadly dull to boot - and it ended with the suggestion this will be important to the closing episodes of the season, which I'm a little worried about.

I have about 20 pages left in the 2nd Robotech book, "Battle Cry". It's slow going.

I was watching "Repo: The Genetic Opera" earlier but it feels like something that needs a lot of volume, and I didn't want to wake up Mark, so I was going to wait until Mark went to work. Only he stayed home with a migrain (which I can relate to) so I'm trying to be quiet.

I think I'm gonna jack off and take a long hot shower.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:32 AM
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   Friday, April 10, 2009

After my shower Thursday morning I took a nap. Michael texted me at 10:05am to let me know that he tested positive for Mono, having caught it from his female boss, who has been coughing and then using the phone at work. He texted me as soon as he found out so I could get tested. I tried calling my doctor's office for an appointment, but I couldn't get through. Mark & I decided we'd both go as he needed to make an appointment as well, and also needed to stop by his work, which is located near by the doctor's office.

We made it to the Doctor's office around noon I think. I talked to a nurse who took all my information, and said she'd e-mail it to my doctor, who wasn't in. She also said that it would be better to test for Mono in a few days as I might test a false negative. We set up an appointment for Monday at 2pm, with everyone being extremely helpful. Mark then made his appointment (for today) and I made sure they had a note on the file that he too should be tested as he & I have shared food and he might have been exposed as well.

Next we headed to Mark's work. The weather outside was very nice when we left home, with most of the snow from just a few days ago gone and the sun was bright, but it seemed to be warming up even more as the day progressed. Just before arriving at Mark's work, Michael texted us to invite us to his Arby's for lunch, but we had so much to do that we declined. Michael also had it be known that anytime we went to hang out with Michael's friends that Mark should feel welcome to come and that he never wants Mark to be feel excluded, which I thought was sweet - except that all of Michael's friends are smokers and Mark can't be around that. We said our goodbye to Michael and were soon at Mark's work.

Mark was busy with work stuff so I went outside to call my Granmother to see if we might stop by and get my tax info - only she wasn't home. I called my mom's house (which is attached to my Grandmother's house) and my step-father Doug answered. We had a really great chat about his work, Easter & family, but he didn't know where Grandma was. He did tell me he'll be retiring in 6 months. Mark & I left for Meijer soon after I got off the phone with him.

On the way to Meijer (so Mark could return some movies) I called Janice. I let her know I had Mono and that I was seeing a new guy (Michael) and then I put her on speaker phone so she could talk to Mark about his tax questions. Then we talked about how her kids are doing and other family stuff, before I let her go while we drove out to Little Caesars.

The food was good. We ate it in the car with the windows down. And the woman who waited on us (who knows us by name, though we don't know hers) gave us an extra free drink. It was a nice little car picnic. I tried my Grandma's again and she was home so after stopping at the gas station we went out to Milan to get my tax stuff and visit.

The trip out there was a bit nostalgic as we had to enter Milan the way we often did back when I was first dating Mark. We noted all the changes to the landscape, and I pointed out different spots that recur in my dreams. It was nice.

Grandma was watching a divorce court show when we arrived and was anxious to learn the results of a paternity test. lol. She looks good and I told her that her haircut was nice. My grandmother has always liked that I talk about things that nobody else is likely to say, and so I feel free to bring stuff up with her that I might not otherwise...so in our conversations I mentioned that her haircut was sexy, and then later we discussed breasts. lol. Most of the visit was just normal family fun though. We left Grandma's to visit Aunt Marge. We visited with Aunt Marge, Uncle Mike White, Grandpa, Mom (who got home while we were there) and Katie, who had a letter saved that I wrote to her when she was born, that he mother had saved. It was all good. Very good.

We headed home eventually as I was feeling tired. When we got home Mark went to his room and I went to mine. I got naked asap. I'm almost always naked at home. I read a quote by 10th Doctor David Tennant about Saturday's Doctor Who Special:

"It's quite a romp I think. It's got some dark moments. There's a tiny little hint at the very end that it's all about to get a lot darker. Because obviously at the end of the year it's the end of the line for the 10th doctor. This is kind of a romp. This is the last time the doctor gets to have fun, in a way."

That bit about there being a tiny little hint of darkness at the end makes me excited to see this special.

I decided to rewatch last year's Christmas Special ("The Next Doctor") which I hadn't really enjoyed the first time around. I liked it a lot more the 2nd time, though I still feel it pales in comparison to just about every adventure since mid Season 3. But maybe it was supposed to in a way. I don't think they made it to be bad, but I think they may have made it to have the silly romp qualities that "Planet of the Dead" is said to have - so that the darker quality of the final 3 installments would be better served?

I went to sleep soon after the special ended and woke up at nearly 3am. I felt like I had a fever. I noticed that Michael had texted me a few hours ago, saying he was going to bed. I texted him back to let him know I was awake and how I was feeling and to wish him sweet dreams. He unexpectedly called me right back. He was awake and in a lot of pain with an Anal Abscess, which he's experienced twice before. He had decided that he was going to the hospital, but was worried about surgery, having experienced this problem twice before. We both expressed worry for the other, and exchanged texts explaining what was going on. I took some Ibuprofen for my fever and laid back down feeling feverish and drowsy. If I had been well I would have driven Michael to the hospital myself, but as it was Michael ended up driving himself, letting me know he'd text me with info, and giving me his friend Melissa's phone # in case of emergency. I fell asleep soon after, around 4am I think.

I woke up around 8am. There was a text from Michael at about 5:12am:

"Waiting now to be called to go back will let you know everything when I konw ohand still MISS YOU"

That final message was nearly 4 hours ago. My fever feels gone for the most part, and while I'm certain I had one, I doubt it had anything to do with the Mono, as symptoms don't usually kick in this fast. It could have been anything really, as many of my friends have reported being ill or having odd symptoms of late.

One good piece of news. The new "New Frontier" book has been shipped so that should arrive on my doorstep next week. The new book in the series (which I read all of in the last 2 years) is called "Treason". I'll most likely read that book next.

Anyways. I'm sitting here feeling loads better for me (though still slightly off) - but very worried about Michael. I just texted him; hopefully he's ok. I'm contemplating a trip to the hospital to check on his status if I don't hear from him; he went to St. Joe's.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:57 AM
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Just got a text from Michael:

9:29 Surgery right now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:29 AM
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Michael surgery seems to have gone ok. I left to visit him at about 10:30am. I was let back into the emergency room to see him, and I was with him while he got dressed. We checked out (the nurse who gave him his meds said he talked about me while he was there) and went out to Michael's car to wait for his friends Melissa & Scott (his ex). We talked and held hands and were affectionate while we waited. We didn't wait long. Melissa, who I met last Saturday gave me a hug and said it was good to see me again. Scott looked bitter, but accepted my handshake and I told him it was good to meet him. He then turned to Michael and said: "Do we have to drive him home now?" - as if he didn't know my name and I wasn't even there. Erg. Michael and I both said no at the same time, and Michael explained that I'd just come to visit him. Michael and I hugged goodbye and we went our separate ways.

When I was leaving I noticed the car made an odd noise while starting. It had made the noise when I was leaving home, but a neighbor's car had started at the same time as mine so I thought it was their car. Our car needs to be taken it; there are a few minor, but annoying troubles with it at the moment. I took a way home that I don't usually take, enjoying the weather and the happy feeling of just seeing Michael.

When I got home I cleaned up the car a bit. I stripped down when I got home and started sorting laundry. I REALLY need to do some laundry today. I was watching the news when Michael called. We talked about how good it was to see each other, and how Scott was an ass; I guess they got in a fight about the way Scott acted, on their way home. Michael didn't want me doing laundry or anything as he wants me to rest and make sure I feel better, but I told him it made me feel good to get stuff done when I'm in a mood like this. We said we'd contact each other later, and said goodbye for now.

I finished watching the news, and I wrote this. Now I'm going to get some laundry started.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:23 PM
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I was planning on staying in today and resting and doing laundry (I've already started 1 load), but Mark wants me to go to his doctor's appointment with him; he says he's braver with me there. We do things like this for each other so I guess I'm going back to the doctor's office. The only thing is I've just put most of my pants in the washer. And I want to take a nap. But now I have to be ready to leave in less than an hour... And we won't be going to the appointment and then home because I need to mail my tax stuff, and Mark needs to run some errands too (though I forgot what they were). Still...that's what friends are for.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:53 PM
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I talked to Michael on the phone. He's a little jealous of the time I share with Mark, and that Mark knows me better than he does, but he says he's not threatened by him. He said he's trying to be an adult about this stuff and then said he thought he deserved a prize for this, saying he wanted a hug. I told him I had a better one. I suggested I could refer to him as my boyfriend, as that's what he has become in my mind; that it didn't mean we were going to work out or that we'd live happily ever after but that it seemed silly to pretend he isn't my boyfriend when that's what he is to me. He said I'm the best, and that I was making him cry. Awwww.

He just texted me his address. lol.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:37 PM
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Mark's doc appointment seemed to go well. We then went to the bank, and then Meijer so he could pick up some stuff related to his problems. We went to the post office to mail out my state tax info & get some stamps. And again went to LC where we got more delicious food. We came home and ate some more of the food while I showed Mark the volume compromised version of Repo that Bryan gave me. I put the first load of laundr in the dryer and a 2nd load in the washer. I'm kind of exhausted, but today has been good for the most part.

I forgot to mention that a nurse called me earlier and said that if I have contracted Mono that I might not get symptoms for over a month, possibly two. And that if I did catch Mono (I'll be tested for it on Monday) that Michael & I couldn't reinfect each other with the same strain, which means if I have it we can go back to kissing like crazy. They also said I may have had the strain in the past without knowing it and might be immune. But if I don't have it, then I still might not be able to kiss Michael for 6 weeks - though - maybe I'll kiss him anyways.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:56 PM
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   Saturday, April 11, 2009

I went to bed around 8pm I think. I woke up around 3am. There was a text from Michael to call him when I woke up, but my throat was feeling really scratchy and I didn't feel like talking; I'm worried I might have caught Mark's cold, but I'm not coughing (or not as much as him) so hopefully it's just me being paranoid. I slept well. I had odd dreams about vampires and monsters. They weren't frightening, so much as gorey; I was a monster fighter. lol Well, I'm gonna call Michael.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:59 AM
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Nice chat with Michael. We're happy. But we're both under the weather per say, which sucks. My stomach was bothering me so I let him go. Now we're texting back and forth about e-mail. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:44 AM
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About an hour ago a migrain hit me. It's weird. Yesterday I thought I was getting one and then I didn't. And this new one just hit without any warning signs at all. Just BAM; there it was. I had noticed an odd smell before hand, and I know some migrain sufferers experience that, but I don't think I ever have. It was odd.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:27 AM
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My headache is mostly gone now. I worked on my website a bit. Not really sure what I'm doing... I'm trying to organize stuff, but I suck at it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:58 AM
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I slept a little; was going to sleep more but Mark woke me up to see if I could go to the store for some water. I plan on going later. I was going to go back to bed, but instead I got up, gave Mark a hug, and continued doing my laundry, which I'm nearly finished with; just 2 more loads I think. I made my bed and picked up some clutter in my room. Things look better. I also printed up directions to Michael's as I'd like to stop by later, assuming that I don't pass out. I'd also like to do the dishes, take out the trash, and shave.

Wish me luck.

I'm listening to 80's music on random play. "Under the Milky Way" by The Church was just on; reminding me that I want to rewatch 'Donnie Darko' sometime soon; I've not watched it in years now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:50 PM
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   Sunday, April 12, 2009

I did end up shaving and getting ready and going to the store for Mark yesterday. I bought flowers and a card for Michael. When I got home I was ready to leave again, but I was hungry. My stomach has been bothering me lately so I made sure that I took one of my stomach pills (which I've not been taking lately, per a doctor's request to limit my intake) and it worked, but it also had the old side effect of making me extremely tired. I texted Michael that I was taking a nap and I'd call him when I woke up. I slept from around 7pm to 2:30am. I remember Mark trying to wake me up around 11pm but it just didn't work. I called Michael and we talked; he hadn't really slept as he had told me he was going too, and so I insisted that he sleep, and that I'd call him when I was ready to come over - figuring I'd call around 8am.

Since then I've watched the new Doctor Who Special "Planet of the Dead" which I liked quite a lot. It's silly and fun and cool and had lots of nice touches that I enjoyed. I can't believe we only have 3 more hours with the 10th Doctor. :-0(

I took another nap (not as long, obviously). I had a snack at 7am. Now I'm waiting to make sure that stays down, and if so I'll get ready and go visit Michael, assuming he's gotten some sleep.

Finally, here's a piece of an interview with Russell T. Davies (creater of Queer As Folk, and the head writer behind the new Who who is leaving along with David Tennant just 3 Specials from now):

--------------------

If I was working on series five of Doctor Who, I would bring back Michelle Ryan at the drop of a hat. I think she's absolutely glorious. But I doubt that he will - he doesn't need to pick up old characters of mine, although he might bring back some old monsters. He's just brilliant at creating stuff, and needs to make it absolutely his.

Is there anything you can tell us about your last episode yet?

People already know that Bernard Cribbins is back. He's in it as a proper companion, for the full two episodes. And to have the Doctor with Wilfred at his side is one of my best decisions, ever. I'm so pleased with it - it's just lovely.

And there's those paparazzi shots of what looks like John Simm - is it him?

Maybe. It's not quite as easy to guess what's happening as you think - there's nightmare sequences, and layers of fantasy, because the Doctor's coming to the end of his time. It's quite interesting to watch things being filmed, and think: 'Oh, I can see what that would look like...'

You've had him save the Earth, the universe, the multiverse... how do you provide a fitting send-off for David's Doctor?

Don't worry. I have.

I knew I'd write David's last episode one day, so I've had this tucked away. You do think: 'How can the stakes get bigger?' And they do. They really do. I don't mean just in terms of spectacle, but in terms of how personal it gets for him. It's such an honour to write for that man, and I really mean that. He's the loveliest man. SUCH a good actor. When it comes to the last episode, there is no way I would let him down.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:21 AM
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   Monday, April 13, 2009

About an hour after my last entry (on Easter Sunday) I was in the car on my way to Michael's house in Taylor Michigan. I got lost only once, and it was my own fault. I'd written down that his street was on the right, but it was on the left. We went to breakfast at Denny's though I'd already slept. It was nice being out and about with him; he looked extra hot, in a cool red & black leather jacket. Just seeing him smile and blush is an amazing high for me. Our waitress was Irish, and friendly. The girl who sat us looked tired, but I liked her hair. The boy that rang us up was named Clifford and I flirted with him a bit (never having met a boy named Clifford before), but it was all in good fun. Not being able to kiss Michael was driving me bonkers!!!

On the way back to Michael's house we talked about going shopping or getting a hotel, but we hung out at his place. Scott was awake and we actually got along. It was nice. Melissa got up later and we played Wii Bowling. Scott and Melissa left for an overnight visit with Scott's boyfriend Antonio (who I've apparently talked with online?). Michael and I made out, without kissing. lol. We're trying to wait to see if I have mono or not; I'm getting tested today.

I played Wii baseball and tennis. It was fun. We played in Michael's bedroom. Then decided we'd come back to Ann Arbor, driving separately so that Mark would have the car to go to work. The drive was nice. He really doesn't live that far away.

I changed my clothes when we got home; I can never make up my mind. lol. We went to my grandmother's and that was all good, though I found it oddly exhausting. My grandmother and I had a moment where we might have had a much more serious discussion, which is rare for us - but I didn't want to upset Michael so I put it off for a later time. It's not that I'm upset with my Grandma, but there's a point that I don't think I expressed clearly, and I'd like to explain it.

We took the scenic route back home. Then we went to Pizza House. There was a discussion about what we like about each other, and what we don't like. What we could change if we could. Michael seems to worry that I'll drop him for some other guy...but I don't really see that happening, as I've never done that in the past. When I'm with someone I do notice other people, but I'm pretty focused on my partner and I as a couple. I used to write about other people all the time when I was dating but I hardly even do that anymore. I'd like to start that up again as it was fun...but I don't know if I'll get around to it. Anyways, the food was good, the company was better, and the conversation was fun. It was really great, actually.

When we got back to the condo we played some video games, but Michael had to get going after a while to take care of his dogs (Dax &...Christie I think). He suggested I could come home with him and stay the night, but I'd been in 2 cat infested environments that day and didn't want to risk not breathing. Also, I was getting really tired and didn't want to get back in a car...and I was feeling overwhelmed. It was all good, as I said, but sometimes even when it's like that it's a bit overwhelming that this is all happening and I need to take a breather.

Right around the time that Michael left I started coughing uncontrollably. I went to bed, and it eventually calmed. I thought maybe I'd caught Mark's cold, and maybe I have, but I'm fine now. Perhaps it was a late response to all the cat stuff; I'm sure I brought home some cat fur on my clothes. I don't know.

I slept pretty well. I woke up several times this morning and tried to sleep more. My stomach was slightly upset, but not as much as it has been lately. Perhaps because I've been taking my pills again.

Mark got home around 8:30am. He was extremely cranky, but I didn't take it personally because he's very sick, and he'd also been awake for 24 hours. Who could blame him for being cranky? I can't. I get uber cranky when I don't sleep. And I'm a horror when I'm sick, which is why I tend to hibernate and avoid others when I'm that way.

I have a doctor's appointment today at 2pm, to test for mono. If I actually see my doctor, and don't just go to the lab, I might talk to him about some other issues that I discussed with Michael (and have talked about with Mark in the past). But that's only if I see the Doctor. Michael has offered to go with me, and that will probably happen.

Michael is coming over today, though we haven't decided when. We want to see each other. We want to take some pictures and set up a myspace page for Michael. We also might go pay Mark's life insurance policy as Mark is so exhausted; he just has to write the check and then I'll go pay it for him. If I can.

I should also do the dishes, which I didn't get to yesterday. I forget to do them lately, because I've not been dirtying any of the dishes (ok, maybe 2 of them) - but I should still do them as Mark seems to hate it and he's not feeling well.

Oh. And I put in an order from Amazon today for all the Star Trek books that I want from now until the end of 2009. I do that. I preorder my Trek books and then they just arrive at my door; the last such order (Vanguard: Open Secrets - May 2009) is about to run dry. Plus I also finally ordered my copy of Caprica, which comes out on Tuesday. Aside from Caprica the order also included a New Frontier graphic novel that forgot to order last October, but all other items haven't come out yet:

New Frontier: Turnaround (October 2008)
Caprica (April 21)
Next Gen: Losing the Peace (July)
Myriad Universes: The Last Generation (July)
DS9: The Soul Key (August)
DS9: The Never Ending Sacrifice (September)
Enterprise: The Romulan War (October)
Voyager: Unworthy (October)
Titan: Synthesis (November)
Vanguard: Precipice (December)

The only other purchases that I'm likely to make this year that I know of now are the final BSG DVDs (4.5 & "The Plan") and any of the new Doctor Who / Torchwood / Sarah Jane discs, though I might have to wait on those as I'm not sure I'll have the cash for them. I'm hoping by then that I will.

Ok. I need to shave and shower.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:40 AM
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I've talked to Michael; he's coming over as soon as he gets some stuff sorted. I'm doing the dishes right now, and I started a load of laundry. My electric razor is charging as I did a pretty crappy job of shaving in the shower; I've been very hit or miss with that lately. I'm also charging the battery to my camera so Michael and I can take pictures later. When this load of laundry is done I should wash towels.

I just got a text from my best friend Mollie, apologising for not staying in touch. She says that her dying mother (the reason why she's living in TN) is so bad now that she can hardly speak and she doesn't know who Mollie is half the time! :-0( Mollie says she herself cries all the time now, but that she'll call me when she can. I texted her back telling her to take all the time she needs.

argh. :-0( Poor Mollie. I hate feeling like there's nothing I can do.

Ok. So I'm doing the laundry. Later I have the doc appointment at 2pm. I need to go pay Mark's life insurance policy. I need to get a light bulb to replace the one at the top of the stairs which I just noticed is burnt out. I'd like to stop at Best Buy and the get the dvd case for Mollie's next batch of entertainment; perhaps it will help her? I'm sending her BSG, Doctor Who, The L Word, Nip/Tuck, The United States of Tara, a bit of Graham Norton, and some DS9.

I'd like to clean up the condo some later too. This depends on if I have any energy left. lol. I so suck at organizing anything, so it takes a lot out of me.

I'd love to take pictures at Michael's sometime; get a fresh backdrop going. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:46 AM
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As I was saving the last entry, Michael was commenting on the previous entry. When I hit refresh to see the full comment it created a double post. So I'm writing this explanation to correct that. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:48 AM
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I finished the shaving touch up, and exchanged some texts with Michael. The camera battery is charged and ready. I'm putting away the clothes I've washed. I sorted some bottles. I'm going to make my bed. I have to be ready to leave for my appointment in just over an hour. I have directions to the life insurance place, and a checkbook - which is both mine & Mark's; I don't really know how to write a check though. It's one of those things that I hate doing, and so I've only done it maybe 10 times in my entire life. Michael will probably know how it's done though. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:27 PM
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I made my bed. Put away laundry. Put some towels in the washer; can't wash them all at once; they get too heavy when wet. I took all the bottled water I bought the other day and put it in the kitchen. There's one more case in the trunk of the car. I was going to put one of the cases of water in Mark's room (one of them is in mine) but I didn't want to disturb Mark's rest. I feel like this should be a day where I get stuff done, and so far I have gotten some stuff done, but I feel like I should be doing more.

I keep thinking about Michael, who's on his way here by now. And though we often say that sex isn't the most important part of our relationship, I keep getting a hardon thinking he will be with me again soon. Part of me hopes I don't have mono, but most of me hopes that I do so that I can kiss Michael again. ASAP.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:51 PM
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Michael arrived and hung out with me for awhile. He looked at some of my photo albums while I got dressed. He took me to my doctor's appointment, which went well. Either we don't have mono, or if we do it doesn't seem to be a big deal so we're back to kissing. ;-0) Oh. And the gay guy that works in the lab was checking Michael out; it was amusing. Also...we think my doctor is bicurious.

After the doctor's office we went on a mad search for Mark's insurrance place. I needed some Midrin mid-search. We had some troubles paying it when we did find it, but it all worked out in the end. Then went to Best Buy to get Mollie's dvd case. Then Target for a light bulb. Then Little Caesars & the Liquor Store for munchies (Michael craves munchies when he doesn't smoke). We came back here and ate.

The Midrin had kicked in with the food so I was flying, plus my usual time to adjust after I eat. We played video games. Then we went to each others' manhunt profiles and updated them. Apparently Michael knows Trevor and Trevor wanted to hook up with him, though they never did. Wacky. Also, his ex Sean I know from online. I wouldn't be surprised if he knows TONS of people that I know or have dated. ;-0)

Mark is helping Michael set up his computer / webcam. Hopefully that gets sorted. Mark sounds terrible but he seems relieved that I got some stuff done today; I can tell he's less stressed though he hasn't said anything. Michael is watching me type and it's making me nervous. I like that Michael gets along with Mark. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:30 PM
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Michael and I went out for more snacks and cigarettes, and we rented the first disc of the new Doctor Who, as my sister Janice has my copy. Mark went to work as we were watching the first episode ("Rose"). After the episode we took some pictures and had some amazing sex. I could rave about his cock for several paragraphs, but suffice it to say that I like it a lot. He fucked me; got me off really fast (for me) and came twice himself. And we played safe.

We just showered.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:09 PM
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   Tuesday, April 14, 2009

After the shower we watched episode two of New Who ("The End of the World") then went to sleep. Managed to get several hours of sleep. Michael told me later that he'd watched me sleep for awhile and that I was snoring. lol.

When we got up this morning we watched episode 3 of New Who ("The Unquiet Dead"). It's so cool watching the early episodes again; not only are they really cool on their own, but they tie into so many things that come up later. We have the introductions of 9, Rose, Jackie, Mickey, The Autons, Jabe, Cassandra & her 'spiders', The Face of Boe, the Cardiff Rift & Gwyneth + first mentiones of The Time War, The Shadow Proclamation, Bad Wolf & the Darkness.

Later we cuddled and took some more pictures. And had some more fantastic sex. I was getting a headache (my jaw was aching terribly) before we started, and it got really bad during and after, but the sex was really intense and I got a lot of pleasure from it as well. My painkiller (which I need to refill SOON) kicked in though and did the trick. It bothers me that I get these horrible headaches because I've been smiling and talking and eating and giving head. Basically anything joyous hurts me. Blah. I still manage to have my fun.

After I showered, Michael (who was giving me some space and smoking) took his shower, dressed (looking fabulous) and left for home. This is perfect, as my pain killer is kicking in and I need to wash the sheets and I get to chill and just kind of take everything in. It's important to have these times alone...to kind of take stock of everything.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:36 PM
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   Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I know I've got details to fill in here, but I'm just posting to say I'm having a hellish time trying to get to sleep. And I'm long overdue. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:11 PM
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   Thursday, April 16, 2009

I finally got to sleep around 10pm. I woke up at 6:45 am. Before falling asleep I read the first 220 pages of "Star Trek: New Frontier: Treason", which I'm enjoying quite a lot; I've got about 119 pages left to go, and will be sad when it's finished. Waiting for new volumes of this series is not something I'm used to doing, but I know it's going to suck.

Ok. So. Most of Tuesday evening was spent chilling out. I worked on some online stuff, and started chatting with Michael, Michael Eisinger & Chris Reynolds. My Michael got an AIM & Yahoo acount sorted, while also working on his webpage and a myspace page. I in turn started working on a section of my webpage devoted to him which can be seen here; it's fairly embryonic, but I've only been dating him 2 weeks, so give me some time. lol

Tuesday night / Wednesday morning was also the time that Mark made the deal with one of his coworkers to trade our PS3 for a Wii. The PS3 is worth more, and works as both a game system and a bluray player. We however have no money to rent the games (which we mostly didn't like anyways) or bluray movies, which we can watch on my computer if we do have money later. The Wii however has games that we've both enjoyed, and are more likely to have fun with. We got 2 controllers and a 2 games in the mix, which sound cool, though I've not played them yet. My ex-bf Mike has also offered to let us borrow some of his Wii games (which intends to sell) to see if we like them. Even if we can't afford to buy them from him, we'll still get to play them; that's like a free rental. Cool.

Wednedsday morning I slept from 6am to 8:30am when Mark got home. I didn't mind getting up, though I was still very tired, thinking that I'd go back to sleep when Mark went to sleep. We had a long conversation about Michael, and our relationship, and a bit about some other friends and things. Michael and I talked on the phone for a bit, and tried to get back to sleep, which didn't work. I went back to working on Michael's page, and reading news. I passed the time in a daze, constantly aware of how tired I was, but unable to sleep. I think this was perhaps a mix of things, such as the condo being really warm as it had warmed up outside. But I was so exhausted that I was not noticing such things at the time.

Anyways...I've slept now. Thankfully.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:03 AM
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Right after the last entry I texted Michael to let him know I didn't feel like talking; that nothing was wrong and I wasn't mad about anything, but that I'm just in an odd mood. I read more of my book. I slept. I ate. I said hello to Mark in passing. I tried to watch LOST, which I've not been watching lately, but I'm not feeling it, and I find the episode I left on oddly stressful.

Michael texted me while I was writing that; asking how I was feeling. I told him I'm ok.

I'll most likely be awake most of the day. Perhaps if it's nice I'll go for a walk?

I have less than 100 pages left in my book. Probably closer to 60 pages. Perhaps I'll finish that now?

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:25 AM
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Mollie posted a new blog entry on her Myspace Blog - she's back online at last!

I'm listening to some fun mashups I found online. It's distracting me from my upset stomach.

I feel so odd today. Almost like I took one of my zombie pills, only I so haven't.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:48 AM
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I finished my book. Dr. Selar, who was one of my favorite Trek characters, is dead. A nice ending though. The book sets up further adventures, which I look forward to reading.

My stomach continues to betray me. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:51 PM
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My stomach started feeling a bit better later. Michael & his friend Mark (whom I'd met 2 weeks ago this Saturday) came over in Mark's van to help my Mark move his comics to storage. I shaved and showered and cleaned up my room for them. Michael's Mark liked my room. I went with them to the storage place and it was all good. Michael brought me a new old chair for my computer desk, which I like a lot, though it's hard to move around in - also, it reeks of smoke despite having been shampooed.

After Michael & Mark left, Mark Adams (lol) set up the Wii and we played some games. Michael kept sending me hot and heavy texts. He wants to see me tomorrow and Saturday, but I'm not sure my stomach is all better, and even if it is, there is still some fallout from that which makes chilling less fun than it would normally be. We'll see. I do like that he wants to see me so much though.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:19 PM
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   Friday, April 17, 2009

I chatted online with some friends, then on the phone with Michael while updating my gay.com profile. Then I went to bed around 12:07am. I slept extremely well. I woke up at 9:51am. After using the bathroom and taking some medication Michael texted me to let me know he was awake; like clockwork, which amused me.

The weather was beautiful yesterday. I hope it lasts. It doesn't make me feel better exactly...or maybe it does. I think it does.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:04 AM
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I've been working on this incredibly long reply to a topic online for nearly 2 hours and I pressed the wrong button and now it's gone!!!! Ugh. I hate that!

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:54 PM
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   Saturday, April 18, 2009

After the long post failed, I had a snack and played some Wii (sports and Mario Galaxy), then took a hot bath. I invited Michael over to hang out. We went to Meijer, Book Store (to see the fairy door) RiteAid, grocery shopping at Kroger, and LC for food. We ate, which was great, then played some more Wii. Then Michael and I had naked cuddle time. There were a few incidencts, the latter of which took place when I decided I'd tell Michael (who's been telling me he loves me for more than a week now) that I love him. It's not the same as saying I'm 'in love' with him, but I'm fairly certain I'll love him for a very long time - I mean, look at how I'm friends with all my other ex-bfs. So I said it...and I waited for his reaction...only he thought I asked what time it was and told me (a little after 12). Pretty anticlimactic. I made a scene about it though and wouldn't let him off the hook for it. I was just playing though. I slept.

Mark came in my room sometime later, saying he needed to talk to me, but that I was sleeping and I should keep on sleeping. I'm not sure what that was about. I went back to sleep and woke up around 7am. Checked my facebook; replied to messages. And wrote this. I should go back to bed for a bit.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:49 AM
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I slept until around 11am. Watched the news. Then Mark & I got ready. Michael & Melissa came and picked us up, taking us to Mark & Dan's for a candle party. It was fun. Met people. Scott was there; thought it went ok, but he was apparently bitchy; oh well. It was fun to hang out. More headaches though; it might have been all the perfumed candles. Later we went to Michael's for a minute, then McDonalds. We stopped at a park I'd never been to and wandered around, which was nice. Then we came home. We've been chilling here, but we're going back to Mark & Dan's later.

I want Michael inside of me...NOW. Erg.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:57 PM
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   Sunday, April 19, 2009

We went out to Mark & Dan's. Played 'Apples to Apples'; 3 games I think. I won once; Danny won once; not sure who won the 3rd game...maybe we didn't play 3 times? It was fun. Then we got in the hot tub; everyone but Mark eventually got in. It was fun. I had a headache all night, and all of the day, but I've taken the maximum Midrin, so I'm sort of screwed. It was a little after 2am when we got home. Michael is now driving home, very tired. I hope he'll be ok.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:03 AM
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Just woke up, though I'm still tired. I went to check my phone for texts, but my phone was dead. It's charging now, and I just got texts. Mollie sent one last night to let me know she's getting a car next week!!! She's back online too, so I'm guessing that things are looking up for her! That's so cool. Michael texted me after he left last night to tell me he loves me. I hope he made it home safetly.

Friday night, Mark came in my room to talk about something, but I was sleeping so he left it. I asked him about that when we were in the car with Michael on our way home but he said it was nothing. Then when we got home and I was going to bed I asked him again, cause I knew that it wasn't just nothing and he told me that he was worried that he was going to lose me. This is interesting to me as I don't think I've ever had him express anything like this when I've dated anyone else...and Michael has been very inclusive of Mark, saying he never wants to mess up our relationship in any way, and including Mark in many of our plans. If anything, it would seem that this would be the guy to not worry about, compared to other men I've dated. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding him. I aksed what worried him about Michael specifically, and he said he'd think about it.

I had a terrible cough last night, and my head was killing me. I couldn't take anymore midrin as I'd taken the maximum, so it wouldn't have helped. I found that I had some cough syrip left from the last time I was sick and I took that. I hope I don't have bronchitis; I used to get that a lot when I was little and a doctor once told my mum that if anyone around me had it that I would catch it. It might just be allergies, or all the smoke I've been around; sometimes when I kiss a smoker it makes me cough later, I've noticed.

I don't know if I mentioned this in a previous post but I pre-ordered BSG 4.5 yesterday, along with the prequel comic to the new Trek movie, "Countdown". BSG should be here in July. Caprica will be here on Tuesday. Then we just have "The Plan" in November (extended cut on DVD no later than December I'd imagine, though I could be wrong). And then the Caprica tv series in 2010.

Anyways...my phone is charging. I'll see if I can get some more sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:12 AM
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Never went back to sleep. Can't believe it's been almost 9 hours. I've spoken to Michael. He'll be here around 7pm on Thursday for Mark's 38th birthday. He could come tomorrow night, but unfortunately my hemorrhoids (disgusting, I know) are back, and they're worse than they've been in many years - like someone raping me with a butcher knife. Not fun. I think they're complications, but nothing to worry about really. So I'm just trying to stay comfortable.

Been working on discs for Mollie today. I've finished 4 so far, with several more to go.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:29 PM
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I played Wii Bowling for awhile. I'm slowly getting better, though I don't know that it has anything to do with skill. I have Pro Status now. I'll probably forget anything I've learned by the time I play again, but it was fun. It was a bit of a workout too for an out of shape old man like me. Nice.

Looks like I missed a call from Michael. I can't tell from the message if he's still at work, or he managed to get out early.

Mark left for work about an hour ago. I forgot he was working so I didn't go to the store earlier; he's going to stop for me on his way home, which is fine.

I miss Michael.

I miss Mollie. I have several of her discs finished, including BSG & a few DS9. I'll do the rest later. I hope to send these out to her this week, but her being online again could mean that she's moved into a new home, as she'd told me once that she was waiting until then - but things might have changed for her; I don't know. We'll see.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:52 PM
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   Monday, April 20, 2009

I bowled 250! That will probably never happen again, but it was nice. lol. I've spoken on the phone with Michael. Now chatting on AIM with Michael, Mark & my ex-bf Michael. I so need to sleep soon. I have more Mollie discs finished. yay!

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:00 AM
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I went to bed around 2:30am I think. I got up around 11am. I've spent my day playing Zelda, Bowling, and working on dvds for Mollie. I've also spent some time with Mark, and chatting with Michael. Mark is helping track down some more TV for Mollie, while I get more discs ready. I have to go restart Mark's laundry while he gets some sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:58 PM
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   Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I got several more discs done and played more Zelda. Zelda is fun so far. I had to do all these random tasks, then I had to save some children from this wacky demon horde. Now I've been pulled into some kind of alternate universe (after my friends were captured) and I've been turned into a wolf, and this freaky elf chic is helping me (I think). It's interesting. With the game play and the disc burning, I feel like I've had a productive day...or at least a fairly geeky one. My arm hurts from all the Wii Bowling I've been playing. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:24 AM
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I went to bed about 40 minutes after the last entry. I started a disc for Mollie first, and continued reading a Star Trek Voyager novel that I'd started earlier in the year ("Homecoming", the first of the Voyager Relaunch series). Then oblivion. I woke up around 9am, from bad dreams of being in High School again, forgetting my locker combination just as a host of other problems arose - though there were some erotic moments as well. After waking I just wanted to take some prilosec before going back to bed but I needed something to drink. I went to the kitchen to get some water and when I pulled the bottle of water up I knocked over my last bottle of wine (which I'd had a sip of the night before, and it was fantastic) onto the floor where it shattered. I took my prilosec, called Mark to see where he was (as I then noticed that Mark wasn't home and he should have gotten off work more than an hour before) - and it was while talking to him that I realized I was still half asleep as I could barely talk. He'd stayed after at work as he needed to go to the bank and they don't open until 9am; he gets off at 8am. He let me go and I started cleaning up wine and picking up a LOT of glass. I cut my right hand a few times, but only little tiny scrapes - it didn't feel good seeping wine into them though. Hell of a way to start the morning. And I really wish I had my wine!

Mark got home around that time and didn't seem upset with me for knocking something on the floor and breaking something, but this was perhaps because I sounded so pathetic and my hand was bleeding. The mess is mostly cleaned up I think. Mark told me not to worry about it, and that I should just let it dry and then vacume it when I wake up. Ok. I wanted to hug him, but I'm under strict orders (by him) to stay away from him as much as possible. Apparently there's a really bad bug going around at his work, and he's afraid that he might have been exposed and might pass it on to me. Blah.

Caprica and the prequel comic to the new Trek movie should both arrive here today. I'm really looking forward to them. I'm going back to bed now (if I can), just as soon as a start a new disc for Mollie. Hopefully the day gets better. I want to have Michael over later; perhaps we can watch Caprica together? He wants to watch BSG and that would seem a good first step.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:10 AM
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Caprica and the Star Trek prequel comic have arrived. I read the graphic novel while I was burning discs for Mollie. I liked it a lot and hope the books (which are around 5 years behind the events in the new story) lead into this.

I never got back to sleep.

I haven't watched Caprica yet; I haven't had the time. I still need to clean my room a bit and shave and shower...only I'm not feeling so hot. My hemorrhoids have been better the last 2 days or so, but they just started getting worse again...and now I'm bleeding. Ironically, I just saw my doctor about possibly having surgery to take care of them and he gave me the name & number of a specialist, but told me that it's not usually recommended that people have surgery unless there is a lot of bleeding from them. At the time, I pointed out that I had bled once when using a new medication on them back in 1994 / 1995 - but that I stopped using it and that I'd had no blood loss of that kind since then. Only now, randomly, I do. Weird. Does this mean surgery is an option? I don't want to have surgery if they are prone to coming back regardless of the procedure. But if I could have something done, and I wouldn't have to worry about these literal pains in my ass - AND I could still enjoy getting fucked - then I'd be all for it. I suppose I should make that appointment.

Michael was supposed to come over, but now I'm leaning more towards cancelling. I need to not move around or anything. Today is really, really sucking A LOT. And I still wish I had my wine (and I still need to finish cleaning the kitchen). Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:52 PM
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I called Michael and cancelled. Now I'll start another disc and take a bath. Or that's my tentative plan.

I'm sad. I'm in pain. I'm bleeding. And everything mostly sucks today. :-0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:07 PM
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   Wednesday, April 22, 2009

My Tuesday eventually got better. I cleaned the Kitchen of glass (or I tried). I cleaned up my room. I burned more discs. I did the dishes. Michael came over and I beat him at bowling, though not by much. Later Mark played him and missed only 1 pin in the whole game, beating Michael by over 100 points with a score of 299!!! Wow. My record is 250. lol

Later Michael took me to get tested for HIV but HARC closes earlier on Tuesdays that I thought and they were closing up shop when we arrived, so I was bummed. Michael took me to LC for food and back home. We watched the new episode of "Brothers and Sisters"; a series Michael had never seen before. It was a pretty cheesy episode, but there was a lot of gay storyline which I think he liked.

Mark left for work, and Michael & I cuddled. Later we had some more fun in my room. We wrestled and fooled around. I managed to forget how much pain I was in for awhile. But the best part was just holding him in my arms, cuddled up close and naked. It was perfection.

Later we showered and Michael had to get going. I was sad to see him go... I really wanted him to stay.

I'll probably go to bed soon. My ass is killing me. It doesn't usually hurt like this. It's usually very annoying, but the pain isn't this acute. :0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:44 AM
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I couldn't sleep. I watched the first episode of "Charmed", which Michael loves and wanted me to watch. I wanted to like it. But I don't. It's horrible. I hate the butchering of the theme song; an ok cover of "How Soon Is Now?" by Love Spit Love that was on the soundtrack to "The Craft" - the original was by The Smiths - the theme version edits the song terribly - and as far as I know they use this version for every episode of it's EIGHT season run. I hate how none of the actors can actually act - with even the young woman from Picket Fences doing crap work - Alyssa Milano(?) came off especially bad, but part of that might have been the really horrific script. I hate the production that highlights how bad the acting is. I hate the words that are written to come out of the wanna-be-actors' mouths. And I'd read somewhere recently that in 8 seasons the series never had a gay character or storyline - and that's horrible - but what's worse is that the gays-are-invisible-series is apparently set in fucking San Francisco. Ugh. Michael reads my blog so he's going to read this... The thing is I know LOTS of gay guys who love this show...but I just can't get past the 'writing', 'lighting', 'acting' and the lack of gay representation in a series that ran 8 years, set in one of the largest gay cities in the world. It's just WRONG. I don't want to support it. I won't support it. I tried. I can see how people who just like girls who have magic powers might like the show, but I need more than that.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:43 AM
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I did get some sleep eventually. Slept well in fact. Good dreams.

My ass is on fire. I've not felt anything like this before, and I've had these kinds of problems since I was 4 years old...so 30 years now I've dealt with this on again, off again annoyance. I need to make an appointment to deal with this, but Mark said something about our insurrance not covering it unless it goes through certain channels and he's asleep. Ugh. I'm really suffering, and I'm very unhappy. I'm in pain. A lot. And it's really horrible.

I read about 100 pages of the Voyager book. Some of it is lame, but other parts are good. I look forward to reading a lot of great Trek this year. When the year began I was really stumbling to find things to read...and for now, I'm not, and that's nice.

I finished a few more Mollie discs. Just 8 more to go. About to burn 1 more.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:33 PM
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   Thursday, April 23, 2009

Happy Birthday Mark!

I took a nap in the afternoon - after the last entry, then read more of Voyager. I have about 22 pages left in it. Later I spoke to Mark, and Michael. It was all good. Later still I played more Zelda, which also rocked. I'm loving this game. It seems like a game that Mollie might love, and I always liked watching her playing those kinds of games. I talked to Mark some more and Michael, and now... I'm sleepy. I might sleep. I might watch Caprica. I might play Zelda. I don't know which will win.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:09 AM
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And I thought we had it bad in the USA. It's not perfect here, but it's better than some places. The gays have it SO MUCH WORSE ELSEWHERE. It's disturbing how revolting the people that hate us can be.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:53 AM
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I went to bed around 5am. I woke up around 11:30 with my stomach upset. Ick.

Before going to bed I finished my Voyager book. I also chatted online with my ex-bf Corey, ex-bf Mark Adams (who turns 24 today! Right Mark?) and a new guy named Jesse. Jesse is gay, 20yo, virgin, cute, in a wheelchair. He had a lot of questions about sex and he liked that I would talk to him about anything he liked and it was a really great chat. ;-0-)

When I started this entry, I swear the clock said 9am. I'm so losing it. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:37 AM
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I just read that the BSG movie "The Plan", which is said to be airing around November, will answer a question about the series that I've long wondered about. What happened to (the presumed Cylon character) Shelly Godfrey? For people who have not seen the series and are wondering why I didn't put spoilers up for that question, it's because there's no spoiler there. You know she's a Cylon the minute she's introduced...she's a copy of the first human type Cylon we ever see in the mini-series. Or perhaps she's not a Cylon at all, but an Angel of somekind? It's hard to say. Hmmmm. Looking forward to this. I've also read that a bit of the movie will take place before the mini-series. Interesting. That story that will shed new light on the early seasons of the series (in a film meant to be viewed after the entire series) mixed with all the amazing flashbacks in the finale seems like a really great way to end the series - and a nice one two punch to make fans want to rewatch the series with all the new knowledge (not to mention all the info that's just picked up throughout the series run). Really, really want to see this! It's also a nice parallel to "Downloaded" / "Razor" in which we also have an episode packed with important new flashbacks and then a BSG movie that sheds new light on old events; I like that.

I didn't watch Caprica last night. I'm trying to wait to watch it with Michael on Friday. I hope I enjoy it. It will be interesting to see Michael's reaction to it as he won't be tainted by any BSG Fan perspective as he's never seen BSG; he'll be coming to the universe with a fresh perspective. Then for him to see the mini-sodes that take place between Caprica and the mini-series (the 2.5 minisodes not placed in the extended cut of Razor) - and then start the series proper - well, I'm a little jealous. All the extended cuts will be available for him, assuming he even likes the series when he starts watching - perhaps it won't be to his liking. It is a very dark series.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:28 PM
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I traded texts with my friend and former manager - DJ. He had borrowed the first season of Buffy from me last time I saw him. He's been watching it with his son Jamie who digs it, which I know is nice for DJ; the whole sharing and bonding thing between them now is really rocking DJ's world. I guess his son Jamie likes Xander. They're on the last episode and want to borrow Season 2 soon. That's cool.

I also posted comments on a new myspace blog entry & new photos by ex-bf Sean Mobley. One guy beat me to a comment on one of his new photos, and it was this kid Donny, who's one of my ex-bf's cousins that I chatted with for awhile on myspace before. Makes me wonder if he met Sean through my myspace page or if he knows him through other channels. Such a small gay world we live in. lol

Mark is still asleep. My stomach is less upset now, but I don't know that I'll get anymore sleep. We'll see. Michael should be here areound 7pm to go out to eat with Mark. I wish I was rich so I could afford to buy Mark stuff at times like this...but I'm not...and thankfully Mark knows this and understands. I think he likes knowing that I would buy stuff if I could...and so in this instance it really is the thought that counts.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:50 PM
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I jacked off and took a long shower, flossed and brushed. That helped a lot. I should shave and clip my nails and stuff. But I don't seem to have that much energy today. My ass isn't hurting as bad as it has been, which is a HUGE plus, but I doubt I'm out of the woods just yet.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:46 PM
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   Saturday, April 25, 2009

This entry has retro-actively been incorporated into the next one.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:13 AM
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   Sunday, April 26, 2009

Thursday, April 23:

After the last entry on Thursday, Mark got up and I wished him happy birthday. We talked. Later we showered while I was shaving; trying to get ready for when Michael would arrive. Michael arrived while we were in the shower so he was stuck outside. When we got out I saw my phone was blinking and then let Michael in. I was in a really good mood. My bottom wasn't hurting as much as it had been in previous days, and I'd made Mark laugh in the shower on his birthday by singing Disney songs to him! lol. Things were good.

Michael seemed to be in an odd mood, but he kept telling me it was just my imaginiation, which irked me...because I knew something was wrong. We got ready, and Michael drove us to Red Robin, where we mostly had a great time, though Michael's odd vibe continued to distress me. I thought it might have something to do with Mark & I showering together, but Michael already knew that we did that and had told me he didn't bother him, since Mark and I haven't had sex in years and it's just not a sexual activity for us in any way...so I thought maybe I really was just being paranoid....

Anyways - Mark had a great meal, and he got the singing and clapping and ice cream treatment, then opened his gifts from Michael, who got Mark more than one thing that he wanted, which surprised Mark, and made him smile a lot. ;-0)

Later we went to Mark's work to play pool and Rock Band. I got a call from ex-bf Travis to see how I was doing and he wished Mark happy birthday. Michael's odd mood became more pronounced as the night wore on. Mark thanked us for a great night, and thanked me for coming out with him, and doing what he wanted for his birthday.

When we got home, Mark went inside and I stayed in the car to confront Michael, who was still saying that nothing was wrong. Only there was. And it was indeed the shower thing. He said he knew that we did that every once in awhile, and it wasn't his place to tell me not to do it (as we've only been going out for 3 weeks) but that it made him crazy jealous... I understood where he was coming from, but was hurt that he'd told me he was ok with it first, and then that he had lied about there not being any trouble through most of the night when I'd have preferred that he had told me that something was wrong but that he didn't feel comfortable talking about it. He got that...and we had quiet moments before I went inside for the last 3 minutes of Mark's birthday. He texted me after I got out of the car telling me he felt terrible and that he had messed up. He'd hurt me, but I wasn't even close to thinking of ending things with him; it was just something we needed to deal with and all couples have stuff like that.

I wished Mark a happy birthday one last time just before midnight.

Friday, April 24:

Then after the clock had struck midnight and his birthday was officially over I had a talk with him about what Michael was upset about. Mark said he understood Michael's position, as he'd been jealous of Michael when he saw us making out in a hot tub the previous weekend... See, Mark has these feelings about me...which have never come to the surface with previous boyfriends. And I know less about them than Michael does, because he has these nightly chats with Mark on AIM and they talk about stuff like this. So Mark & Michael like each other as friends, but they both feel slightly threatened by one another, which seems to have come out of nowhere from where I'm standing.

Mark has been my boyfriend, my lover, my partner, my friend, my family, my everything. He will always be a part of me. ALWAYS. He will always be my family. But we don't work as a couple and we both know that. We even talked about that. Michael is the man I'm dating. Our relationship is new, and fun, and intense and lovely. But emotions are complicated and Mark is figuring his out, and what they mean for him. And Michael is doing the same. And I'm mostly just waiting for them to work that stuff out. I know how I feel about Mark, because that's how I've felt for years and years. I know how I feel about Michael. I love him. I'm not 'in love with him', but I love him. Sometimes it feels like we've been dating for months, but it's really only been about 3 weeks. These things take time...and they always will. And while part of me feels very wrapped up in Michael and his world - and I love that - part of me is still in shock that I've found someone...and is more realistic...and realizes we've only known each other a very short time. Emotions are complicated.

I asked Mark if he would be upset if we stopped showering together. I mean, I'd already told Mark that Michael & I would stop open-mouth kissing in front of him so as not to upset him, even though Mark said that it was his problem and that he'd deal with it and that I shouldn't change my behavior for him. So...I was asking Mark if we could do the same for Michael and end the showering sessions...but the thing is...I know that Mark loves the showers. It's hard to explain to people because they get hung up on the fact that we're naked in the shower, but after 12 years of living together nudity just isn't even a factor in such things. It's not erotic. It's not sexual. It's just us, talking. And for some reason when we're in the shower we talk about certain things and laugh in a certain way that I know Mark treasures and he said as much - that he would miss them terribly. I told him that for now we'd just play it by ear, and that we'd cross that bridge if we came to it. Michael, for his part told me that he wouldn't tell me to stop the showers - but the thing is, I would give them up for Michael. Willingly. I would miss them. A lot. But it's not like I would lose Mark by giving up the shower time. And for those that think that would stop us from seeing each other naked (as if that were some type of problem) it just wouldn't. I'm almost always naked at home, and sometimes Mark is too. It's just the way of things. Why do people get hung up on this stuff? I don't get it. Or not completely.

I slept well on Friday. When I woke up, Mark was up and getting ready to shower. He went to hang out with his dad & step-mom. He had a fun time. I read in the news that they're making a new Predator movie, called Predators - I emailed DJ (a Predator fan) to give him the details, and wondered what Mollie would think about the news. I stayed home because Michael was coming over after work. He arrived around 7pm. I had showered and shaved again. We had a good night, though we mostly stayed in. We did go to LC & Taco Hell. It was a good night, with lots of cuddling, and talking. I slept and so did Michael, but I don't think we got as much sleep as we would sleeping separately. I'm still not as comfortable with someone in my bed as it takes to let me get that much sleep. And for the record - I can't sleep with Mark anymore either - we've tried it...and I'm just not used to having someone next to me all through the night anymore.

Saturday, April 25:

I got out of bed around 9am, though Michael was still in bed. I started writing in my blog, but then my stomach got really, REALLY upset. The pain was terrible. I'd have thought I was dying, only I've experienced this many times before...though I've not had this symptom in months thanks to a random diet factor that I had stumbled upon. I rode the pain out and took a bath, feeling a lot better, though I had minor stomach cramps throughout the day.

We had sex several times. Michael's constantly hard around me, which I take as a huge compliment, but it also makes me crave him more than I might otherwise. I see his erection and my mind has a 'hard' time concentrating on anything else. lol.

We tried watching Caprica Friday night but the neighbors were really loud and distracting, so we put it on hold. We watched it Saturday morning. Michael fell asleep a few times but claims that he enjoyed it. I loved it. I had been afraid that it would be crappy and ruin parts of BSG, but it's very cool - plus it answers some BSG questions while very much feeling like it's own thing. I'm really excited about the series next year, and wondering what Mollie will think of it.

Speaking of Mollie, I called her on Saturday and left her a message saying that she was scaring me now and that I'd really appreciate a message letting me know she was ok. She texted me soon after to say she was fine and that she would call me when her phone was charged.

It rained several times on Saturday. We eventually went to Kroger where Michael insisted on buying me groceries. I wouldn't have let him, except I did actually need the help with cash. I feel guilty about accepting though. I'd much rather I had the money, and he offered to help and I could turn him down, but I've never been good about accepting gifts (it often takes me months to accept that something that was given to me is actually mine) - and money from anyone. Mark is the exception here, just because we've seen every side of one another and we've both helped each other out on many levels on many different occasions, so I know where I'm standing with him, where Michael & I...we're just finding our way...so it feels odd. Michael tells me to get used to it; that he's part of my life now and I have to accept that. I do. I just...I look forward to the time when I have money of my own again and can buy stuff for him. ;-0)

Later we played Wii. We played Super Mario Galaxy. You actually help each other out by playing together so we were a team on multiple levels. It was so much fun!!! We need more games like that! We played for several hours.

Michael could have stayed over again; he wasn't due in to work on Sunday until after noon, and he wanted to stay. I was exhausted though and needed to sleep. And I also wanted to start reading an old Peter David Trek book I'd been meaning to read since it's release in 2001 (Q-In-Law), but had only now made the time for (and purchased last year). I also wanted to read Caprica reviews...and I also knew that Michael often came to see me and didn't get stuff done at his home - AND that we could probably use & need time apart to think...and chill and stuff.

Michael left. I was really tired but fooled around online for a few hours. Michael & I traded texts. Later I jacked off again...thinking about Michael made me horny. I cleaned up and headed to bed (which felt amazing, and so comfortable) where I read the first 2 chapters of Q-In-Law and then went right to sleep. Just after getting in bed, but before the book I realized that Mollie had never called me back and I texted her a message asking if her phone was charged yet.

Sunday, April 26:

I just woke up about 10 minutes ago. I know I had good dreams. The last part of the last dream involved me and some friends driving out to an old deserted farmhouse across the road from another farmhouse that was not deserted. The people across the way, including a pretty girl all talked with Southern accents though we weren't in the South. We were supposed to be getting things from the barn...my family had paid for the barn, but I wasn't sure about the farmhouse. I called Janice and left her a message asking if we could enter the house as well. Then I entered the house anyways. It was old and dusty, but it was just sort of abandoned...there were many items you wouldn't expect people to leave behind. I walked over to a book shelf and found some old Marvel Hero coloring books that were basically lamenated in plastic wrap, but you could tell it was done by hand...that someone had really cared about them. I flipped through the pages and they were all colored; they looked very good, and each page had that same plastic wrap. I wondered if a child had colored them and then had an adult cared so much to protect their work? Or had the child grown and done this? In the dream I assumed the artist had been a boy, but perhaps it was a girl. I woke up soon after that with people mowing our lawn (don't think they've ever done this on a Sunday before)...feeling haunted. The images of the abandoned thing; the haunting pictures with untold origins; the pretty girl across the road...in my mind after waking I placed the once cherished coloring books into a glass case in my 'home', to wonder and dream about... And I hoped that I'd dream about the house again.

After waking I saw I had a text from Michael asking if I'd slept ok. I texted back saying I had. He called me back right away to let me know he was at work (though he was supposed to go in at 4:30pm) because a coworker needed to be at a baby shower. He also said the day has not gone well; that part of his closet fell down on him, and hurt him. I asked him if I could call him back, the sleep still evident in my voice, so that I could write about the dream I'd had which I was holding onto as much as possible. He said that was fine and I could do whatever I wanted. ;-0)

I checked and Mollie never called or texted me back. ;-0-(

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:17 PM
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I just updated my blog (see the previous entry), which I'd put off for several days for various reasons. I went on facebook and touched bases with friends. I ate. All of this took about 2 hours. I also traded more texts with Michael. Things seem good today. I think I'll read some more of my book.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:30 PM
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I just took a shower. It's raining again; I like the rain.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:28 PM
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Just called Mollie and left her 2 long rambling messages. I miss her so much.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:37 PM
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   Monday, April 27, 2009

I took a nap after the last entry, only to be woken by a call from Mollie. She's fine. She may or may not have a car soon; a red Chevy Cavilier. It depends on the people who are possibly selling it; drama. Mollie's not moving from her apartment after all as Greg refuses...since he's a dick. Her mother had another stroke and no longer knows that Mollie is her daughter, though Mollie continues to visit her and her mom knows that she's "Mollie". Mollie has been reading my blog, and she got on facebook for awhile.

After the call from Mollie, Mark got ready for work. He had watched "Caprica" before work and we talked about it. He thought it was interesting, but not what he expected at all. We agreed on just about everything, and we liked the answers we got for some of the BSG stuff. Just before Mark went to work (around 10pm) I started playing Zelda, which I'm still playing now, except I took a little break to write this.

Michael called and texted a few times during the playing. He might come over tonight.

I have a headache, though I've eaten. Possibly from playing a videogame for 8.5 hours. lol. It's fun though. I'll be winding down soon...probably. I'm tired.

I'll probably be mailing Mollie's dvds out this week, depending on the availability of Ugly Betty, Heroes, and others.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:38 AM
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Just finished playing Zelda. Crazy. But fun. I'm in the 5th of 17 sections according to a guide I looked up (to see how far I am in the game). I'm stuck in this town until I can get enough cash for some bombs. Blah. Not the kind of task that will keep me awake.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:15 AM
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I finished doing all that I needed to do. I responded to some requests for info in one of my groups. I updated facebook. I brushed my teeth and turned the air down. I will now cuddle up in bed and read until I sleep. Hopefully I sleep well. I'm feeling a bit out of it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:29 AM
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Slept about 6 hours. I love sleeping in the air conditiond frigidness of summertime. I didn't sleep as long as I expected too, but I did enjoy it. I had dreams about super heroes. I also dreamt about breaking into a facility (with friends) which was a trap and then fighting my way out - all guns blazing. And there were many Zelda type video game puzzles. lol

I could probably go back to sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:50 PM
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I didn't go back to sleep. I answered e-mail and facebook messages. Then I updated some LGBT Star Trek themed stuff that will eventually be transferred to www.lgbtstartrek.com - my new site that I'm devoting to LGBT inclusive Star Trek. I'd like to have it fully functional by the end of the year. ;-0)

Then I texted back and forth with Michael about a possible visit with some friends of mine tonight...which may not work as I suck at planning things. And now I'm jumping in the shower...because I need one. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:35 PM
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I'm all showered, and mostly shaven. I probably missed a bunch of spots. I was singing like crazy. lol.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:53 PM
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Michael is coming over tonight to just chill. We're not hanging out with Chris and Bryan as Chris is pretty beat. But maybe we can hang with her tomorrow (Chris & Michael have the day off). I'm just chilling tonight. Video Games. Book. Facebook. Laundry. Hopefully Crazy Bread if Michael gets here before 10:30. I was going to go get some myself, but Mark wanted to go to work early, so I'd have to go drop him off and pick him up in the morning, which I don't want to do.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:18 PM
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Michael got here around 10:20 I think. He had this disturbing Spider earing on that I asked him to remove. lol. We chatted for a bit while I got dressed and then went and got me my crazy bread. We listened to Tori Amos in the car. When we got home we continued to talk, and it turned to politics... Oh. And the revelation that he didn't always use condoms came up. He says he told me before, but I know he didn't - because he told me that he had always played safe and that I didn't need to worry, which is when I'd had to point out that condoms are NOT 100% effective. It doesn't bother me that he sometimes barebacked; it bothers me that he did NOT tell me this before when we broached the subject weeks ago.

Not sure what we're going to do now. We might go to Necto. I need to let my stomach settle.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:27 PM
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   Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Michael & I went to Necto. Had a fantastic time. Bobby M, Becky, Christine, & Jinx were all there. I met some other people. It was a blast! Michael got me to do a Tequila shot - with the salt and the lemon thing, which I'd never done before. It was all fun, and very memorable. ;-0)

When we got home there were messages from Mark to scrub our hands and faces to avoid Swine Flu, which Mark (and much of the country) is freaked out about - and I don't blame them. We did the scrubbing thing and made it fun. Michael went to sleep, and I watched the new Brothers & Sisters episode, which made me cry happy tears. ;-)

Now I'm chatting with Mark on Instant Messenger, and I'll soon burn more Mollie discs and maybe play Zelda? Or might just cuddle with Michael, though I don't want to risk waking him up.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:12 AM
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I cuddled with Michael and got some sleep. I eventually got up to burn more discs for Mollie, which got more complicated than I expected but I'm working through that.

I just remembered last night at the bar, Michael and I were dancing on each other pretty hot and heavy, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed there were 2 girls dancing together who were watching us and clapping their hands. They latter shouted out "That's Hot!" while I was mock-going-down-on-him. lol. It amused me. There was a lot of same sex love going on at Necto last night. And no trouble about it whatsoever. Nice.

Well, I'm gonna start another disc and then try to get some more sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:13 AM
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I'm not sure how long I slept, but Michael woke me up when he got out of bed, though I drifted back to sleep as he told me too. He got dressed and ready to go and woke me up telling me he was heading home to do his home type stuff. We're going to try to hang out on Thursday.

I slept for quite awhile longer I think. I had dreams of a magic elevator; seeing a live version of Law & Order; arging with an old woman that series; and Bobby Raham telling me that Wendy & her boyfriend couldn't make it to the show, but that Bobby himself was pregnant. lol. Fun. And for the record, I don't even watch Law & Order.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:26 PM
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I've chatted with Michael. Exchanged Facebook messages with the former Jennifer Rock. Charged my phone. Helped Mark off to work. Made my bed. Cleaned up a little. Organized some BSG discs for Michael. Organized Mollie's discs; I've just got 4 more discs to burn and I'll be done. About to start some laundry.

Things I want to do:

Watch Lost. I'd like to finish the 2nd Season this week, so if Mike wants his dvds back I can give him the first 2 seasons at least. I'd feel terrible about having them this long, except he has Season 4 of Doctor Who / Season of Sarah Jane / & Season 2 of Torchwood - and I don't believe he's even started watching them, as he's still rewatching the first 3 seasons. It takes some of the pressure off. But I'd like to get all of Lost behind me.

Laundry. I'm doing that as I type, so no worries there.

Some cleaning. I've started a bit, but would be nice to get more done.

Talk to Michael. Said I'd call him; he goes to bed around 1am.

Play Zelda. ;-0)

Read Trek / work on Trek page.

And...kill spiders. It's annual Spider Invasion season in our condo. In the spring time we get a lot of thise pale white / tan / brown spiders. I don't mind them really; I just don't like having them in my house.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:06 PM
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   Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I tried calling Michael but I got his voicemail; he's probably sleeping. I started a load of laundry. I chatted briefly with Chris Reynolds and Trevor Oger. Trevor is happy for me and Michael, but jealous too. If Michael & I were having 3somes Trevor would be fun and it would be nice to see certain activities take place, but I don't really imagine this will happen. It's still a hot thought.

I also killed 1 spider in the hall. Another 1, in my room, got away from me. They don't seem to scare me, these pale spiders, but the diea of them climbing over me while I sleep is not a happy thought.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:02 AM
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I talked to Michael on the phone. I made some friends and messed around on facebook. About to burn more Mollie DVDs. Put my clothes in the dryer and maybe play Zelda.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:02 AM
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I put the first load of laundry in the dryer and started another one. Been playing Zelda for a few hours. I have this task I'm supposed to accomplish, but I'm sort of lost and I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go. Blah. I'm sleepy.

It looks as if Season 3 of Torchwood, the mini-series 'Children of Earth' will most likely air Monday, June 15 - Friday, June 19. Season 2 of True Blood runs Sunday, June 14 -Sunday, August 30.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:03 AM
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I finished the part of Zelda that had me confused and saved my game. I answered some e-mail. I took a long hot shower. My stomach is slightly upset. Not horribly so, but...it's odd, you know, that I can have food come up and write it off as not that bad, simply because I had that almost every day (if not every week) for 7.5 years. But I know it's the same cause and I'm not worried about it, I guess, is my point.

I'm going to read and sleep, hopefully.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:15 AM
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I found when I went to bed that I didn't even have the energy to read and went right to sleep. I slept for at least 8 hours, and probably a bit longer than that. I had good dreams. But it didn't feel like I was asleep that long. It was lovely.

I woke up to find Mark putting a bag of something in my room; I'm guessing groceris? Also, my new Trek book has arrived. This one is the 4th in a series ("Vanguard") that I've never read, but want to. I'm hoping to read them late in 2009, as the 5th volume should be out around December - and then I'll have them all read, and ready for the next one.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:16 PM
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   Thursday, April 30, 2009

Michael came over last night; he's sleeping peacefully behind me. We watched the first episode of ALIAS, which I'd been jonesing for the last few days. Lots of fun conversation and some slight cuddles. We were supposed to pay Mario Galaxy but he passed out. :-0( Oh well.

SPOILERS about Guest Stars of the final David Tennant Specials of Doctor Who to follow:

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Ok. Looks like in the final 3 specials for David Tennant as the 10th Doctor we're likely to see:

Midshipman Frame. ("Voyage of the Damned")
A Graske.
Captain Jack Harkness.
Wilfred Mott.
Donna Noble.
Sylvia Noble.
An Ood.
A Slitheen.
Luke Smith.
Sarah Jane Smith.

The actress who played Nurse Redfern in "Human Nature" / "The Family of Blood" is also back; as is the journal of impossible things - in some kind of tie to those episodes.

Possible that The Master returns (as portrayed by John Simm); he seems to have been sited, but this has never been confirmed.. Martha & Rose are rumored to appear, but this has not been confirmed, and I've heard of no sitings of the 2 actresses. It's likely, though not confirmed that we'll be getting our first glimpse of 11th Doctor, Matt Smith.

It's also been said that though some characters return, that the episodes feature dream sequences and other such things, meaning that some characters aren't ACTUALLY back. But still. Sounds very cool so far! Here's hoping the 10th Doctor Regenerates in style, as in many ways the entire series is regenerating with him!!! The end of an era...and the start of a new one!

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:09 AM
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Well, I'm starting to get sleepy. I should get ready for bed.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:49 AM
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