Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Slept after last entry, then about 5pm or so, Michael called me wanting to know if I wanted to meet at the Meijer by my house. I got ready and was leaving to meet him but he then said he was nearly done. I had flashbacks and stuff and I had to let him go but this really pissed him off; he left several voicemails, the 2nd of which said I should never call him again and the 3rd said he'd return my key later this week!?! lol. I don't know why he was so upset about this, but he was.

That morning was horrible. But something changed as the day went on. I decided I was going to go for a jog. Then a guy that's been chatting me up online offered to meet me at a cafe so I walked there instead, still get my exercise. Half way there he texted to say he'd moved to Expresso Royale. I met him there and ran into my friend Charles. It was good to meet this guy in person (Tom) and see Charles too. It was all cool, and I felt much better after the walk. Tom and I later moved to Cafe Zola and had a great visit; chatting and getting to know one another. New Friends! yay!

I walked home from that meeting feeling great, though my stomach was slightly off. I made it home though. About 3 miles round trip, which isn't much, except I usually get zero exercise. I noticed that the crops on Michael's Farm Town (which were ready that morning) hadn't been harvested and would most likely die so I texted Michael and he said 'please' harvest them, which I did. Later, Mark & I went to Whole Foods, Meijer, Kroger & Little Caesars. I had crazy bread and some soda. I got some new groceries but didn't try them. I did the Farm thing and then went to bed.

I woke up around 8am I think. I noticed that Michael had called around 12:30am, but I had been asleep. I called and left him a message later (not wanting to wake up) but haven't heard back from him since. I hope he's ok and that we aren't really gonna lose touch. I'd miss him terribly.

Today I decided I'd go for another walk and invited Mark along. We walked up to Kerry Town and visited Jeremy Merklinger at the salon; it was so good to catch up with him - his 32nd birthday is today? Or is it his 33rd? I don't know. I spent his 29th with him in 2006 so this must have been his 33rd. Happy Birthday Jeremy. Apparently he's moving to Israel next year!?! So glad I saw him when I did, and I hope everything works out for him!

I got a text from Shawn asking where I ended up walking and it turned out he was downtown as well so Mark & I met up with him. We went to the comic shop and then Starbucks. I got a carmel frap. We took the scenic root home, then went to Hiller's, Petco & Borders, then Red Robin, then back to Aut (where Shawn's car was) - the company was so much fun and the exercise such a great release. The frap was delicious and I ran into 3 people I knew from Hollywood Video. :-0) Shawn went home after that. Mark & I ran through Aut Bar (there was nobody there) and then home.

I fooled around on Facebook for awhile, then shaved and showered and shaved some more. Put on eyeliner, jewelry, clothes and went to Necto. The music mostly sucked and Yoda wouldn't shut the fuck up, but I managed to have a bit of fun. Bobby was there and he introduced me to his boytoy John & John's sister Ashley. Becky was there and I got 2 free drinks. Danced on stage. Came up at 1:58 and wrote this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:36 AM
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Stayed up a long time after the last entry; not getting to bed until after 8am. I chatted with a guy named Seth for several hours. I'm grateful for the people I've met in this time, who aren't freaked out that I'm not looking to hook up. He was funny, and kind, though we had some philosophical differences, but we were civil about them. A good way to end the morning.

I've had some strange urges lately. Just odd rushes of emotion that probably lots of people go through at times like these. I've discussed them with Mark and he's been very supportive...reassuring me that if I'm not hurting anyone that I shouldn't feel bad for following certain impulses...unless they're self destructive. I'm not certain how to quantify them. It's complicated. Everything seems so complicated now that I'm constantly trying to simply things to keep me sane. That's why I'm not having sex; because sex tends to complicate things. That's why I'm trying to concentrate on the little things. Just making it through the day.

I slept until around 2pm I think. I posted some stuff on Facebook. Traded texts with Shawn; he had fun yesterday. I texted with Michael, which was pretty...cold but not rude. I'd called him last night too and it was the same thing; like there's a wall there that wasn't before. If he needs that wall to get through this then I guess it's ok...I just hope it won't always be there.

I had a shake, which was too big, and I'm having to not do much now because of it. I'd have loved to have gone for another walk today, but I'm running out of time now.

Mike Anderson dropped by for a vist to return some Doctor Who DVDs and get the last of my Star Wars Books, plus some Doctor Who dvds I burnt for him. It was great to see him; he was maybe here for a half hour, but it was fun.

I watched the new episode of 'The Closer'; it was pretty good, and I'm enjoying this season more than the previous one.

I'm feeling slightly off today. After Sunday & Monday turned out so great...today has been a slight disappointment...I think because of all the emotional stuff I'm trying to process today. It's rough territory. I hope I get it all sorted out soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:31 PM
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   Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Jennifer called me after the last entry and we had a good chat. I heard her problems and she heard mine. It wasn't huge or anything but it's always nice to touch base with her. :-0)

Went to Aut Bar around 10:30pm, for Jeremy's 33rd Birthday Party. I gave him a cd with tracks from his aborted cd project (circa 2006), which he put away for later use. He gave me a kiss a friendly cuddle. I met his boyfriend, and some of his friends, including Tom, whom I had something resembling a date with on Sunday, so that was a nice surprise. Had a good time. I didn't drink at all. Saw lots of people I knew (Michael, Keith, Jon, Calvin, Jordan). I gave Tom a ride home so he wouldn't have to walk and there was some kissing - I'm pretty sure there could have been a lot more, which is sweet because Tom is awesome (sexy, funny, clever, hot) but I'm just not ready and I think it's better to go at my own pace and not force anything. Still, it was very nice, and very flattering. Came home and wrote this. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:46 AM
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Michael called me at 1:52am. He was on his way home from Ferndale, having driven a friend home (Douglas?) who had stayed at Michael's all of yesterday watching Charmed. Michael insists they're just friends, and I hope that this is the first of many; Michael needs new friends. We managed to have a civil conversation; he says he's happy that I'm moving on; I told him it's hard, but I'm getting through it. And if I have the random sex fantasy about him that's to be expected. lol. He says he's been eating more fruits & vegtables, which is good news. He let me go so he could figure out the detour he'd have to take home.

I'm tired. And I might sleep. Sleep is probably a very good idea. We'll see if I can actually do it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:46 AM
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Slept well. Woke with headache. Talked to Michael; he got the Meijer job! And he's leaving Arby's. I'm really hoping these changes help him have a happier life. We talked about friends and how our relationship is changing; he feels left behind - like I'm doing more now than I was with him...and I am, but only because when I was with him I was STRESSED and he didn't like me talking to other people, which I do now. I told him I feel left behind too, what with all the sex he's having and how that changes our dynamic, but I think the strangeness of it all is normal and as long as we can respect one another and hold on to the love that kept us together for so long, even when things between us were rough, then we'll be ok. He may have hurt me more than any other man, but I don't doubt that he loves me. And I love him. That's a pretty good beginning to a friendship.

Talked to Janice. Meeting her, the kids and dad at Abe's around 1pm. We might come back here but this place is a MESS! lol. I took some Midrin and a hot shower, which helped. Read some news, including some exciting BSG / Caprica news! New BSG series and projects in the works!?! Awesome! As long as they don't fuck up anything from BSG I'm good with all of it! :-0)

I should get ready.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:16 PM
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   Thursday, July 29, 2010

Met Dad, Janice & the kids at Abe's at 1pm. Hung there for a bit and then back to the condo. Ate. Hung out. It was all good. Spoke to Michael briefly online; he wasn't feeling good. We (Mark & I) took dad home while Janice and the family went to meet more family on their way home. After we got home I checked on Michael who was still feeling ill, then Mark & I walked to Borders. I talked to Mollie on the phone, which was great. We shopped the books; not buying anything of course because everything is fricking expensive there. Mark got icecream and I got a coffee drink and we sat at some tables on State Street. From there we went to Aut. Lots of people I knew there, plus some new ones. Tom joined us so Mark got to meet him. A fun time was had by all. Mark & I walked home and I've been chilling since then.

I have a doctor's appointment at like 8:30am which I'm NOT looking forward to. I so need to sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:40 AM
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Can't Sleep. :-0(

New Caprica Trailer! January 2011! New secrets from the world of BSG. And with new BSG elements in the works, the show could be even more epic than it already is.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:34 AM
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Slept for 2 hours before getting up for my appointment, only I FELT horrible. Sleep deprived and stomach upset, so I cancelled. The reason for today's visit was pretty murky at this point anyways, as the tests that I was meant to have done never happened because I found out I had a kidney stone less than 24 hours after my last appointment. I'm SO tired but I'm trying to stay up for a bit so that I'll be more awake tomorrow morning for my gastric emptying tests, which are apparently far more important. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:27 AM
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Slept for a few hours. Feel kind of blah.

Michael said he'd call last night and didn't. I hope he's ok.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:22 PM
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Talked to Michael earlier. He's fine. He got a professional massage today.

Still feeling somewhat 'off' today. I just finished watching Season 3 of Six Feet Under; 2 more seasons (24 episodes) to go.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:18 PM
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   Friday, July 30, 2010

Went for a late night walk with Mark. We walked around the block, then went to Little Caesers for crazy bread. Had a great conversation with Mike that works there. Parked the car at Aut Bar. Went inside for a minute then walked across campus to Pinball Pete's; played some games, and headed back to the car. The walk was long and the company of Mark was fantastic. Exercise. Exciting thoughts of possible futures. The only down side was missing Michael and my stomach was a bit upset.

Came home. I watched some behind the scenes 'Six Feet Under' for Season 3. Michael called and we talked for a bit. He'd just fucked an old friend of his. It doesn't bother me to hear that now at all. It kind of turns me on, and I hope we can keep the open dialogue and honesty going. We're between partners and friends and we're in a very odd place. Very odd. Lots of layers of meaning. I hope we come out of this ok.

I want to try new things. Not just new foods, but like this walking kick I'm on. I want to go camping. I want to maybe go boating or horseback riding or skateboarding. Something. If I can just get the stomach stuff under control, which it mostly has been, then I could get some new experiences in! I could get a job if I didn't need all those meds! I'm trying not to get my hopes up but it's not easy.

I need to sleep. Gotta be up around 8am.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:31 AM
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Slept for about 5 hours; was on time for my tests at the hospital. I ate radioactive eggs, which mostly didn't upset my stomach; a huge improvement over the last time I took this test, but this might be because I ate less (they bring you bread as well, but last time it was plain and this time it was smothered in jam - which I don't like - so I skipped it). I then had pictures taken of my stomach every hour for several hours. The waiting room was FREEZING but they gave me blankets that Mark & I shared while we slept, played games, and just took care of each other while we had to be there.

Came home after. Took a bath. Played Farmtown - which has added new factories, seeds, trees, and a bunch of new products on existing factories. I talked to Michael on the phone while we worked on our farms. Later he called and said tonight would be a good night to cuddle; something I've been wanting, though he's been trying to give me space. I wanted to take a nap so I did that (for about 10 minutes) and then just layed there for about an hour, relaxing.

I got a text from Tom and I called him. We had a really interesting conversation and while I'm obviously going through something quite intense with Michael which makes me feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes (or more accurately, finding my mind) he seems to recognize that as something we all do from time to time and implies that he has unexplored depths himself. Really looking forward to knowing him better if I ever get the chance.

I traded e-mails with Chris Varney; hoping to hang out with her soon...possibly this coming week.

There is something going on with the Washer / Dryer. The washer is leaving the clothes wet and heavy, while the dryer isn't exactly drying. Ugh.

Michael is watching Voyager and waitng for me.

Shawn invited me to go to Necto with him and some friends but I already had plans. I appreciate the invite, but I don't feel like doing the bar thing tonight anyways. I SO need to clean my room!

And did I mention I seem to be going through some kind of sexual metamorphosis? It's really profound and exciting, yet disturbing on some levels...if I can just figure it all out that would be great!

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:11 PM
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