Monday, August 9, 2010

Yeah. So Friday morning was HELL. And I seriously wanted to die. And then somehow I bounced back. Part of that was due to this boy Shawn I've been talking to. Turns out he liked me more than I thought and while plans fell apart we ended up meeting at Aut Bar, going to Necto together on a date. There was dancing and flirting and all kinds of fun. He spent the night here. No sex. Just affection, and there was no pain and no lies and it was wonderful and healing.

Most of Saturday I slept because I needed to take a muscle relaxer for my jaw - probably from stress and then laughing & talking so much. Also my stomach was upset on Saturday. I did talk to Shawn a bit though and trade some texts with Tom. I didn't talk to Michael at all though I missed a call from him; he left no message and I didn't feel the need to chase after him. I got a blazing hot angry e-mail from Mollie about how I should stay away from Michael and to a degree she's right. The only thing holding me back at this point are certain feeling that I don't know how to express that are wrapped up in him that I've yet to explore. But the man I thought I knew has prove to be nothing but lies. Hopefully I'll come out of this stronger than I was before...and healthier too.

Something else about Saturday / Sunday - most of it I was home and on my own and for the first time in a long time I was ok with that. I had hoped to spend more time with Shawn but that didn't pan out and yet I wasn't overly disappointed - more just grateful to have the time to heal and be on my own.

Sunday. Slept well. Very well. Talked to Shawn on the phone. Got up and showered. Tom texted me and I called him back. Mark & I went to Little Caesars, picking Tom up on the way and then went back and ate at Tom's apartment. We had MUCH conversation and fun. Much Much. Feeling pretty good right now. Hope that doesn't mean that I'll crash later.

I did e-mail Michael on Sunday about some possible plans which may or may not happen - stuff that are kind of lingering threads of our time together. I hope that all works out. Not sure how it will play out or even if it will. We'll see.

I just know that Thursday night I wanted to die from the pain inflicted on me...and Friday / Saturday / Sunday brought me much peace and loving and friendship, and I'm grateful for that. Hopefully my stomach starts to calm down and everything will be roses. I'm hoping to hang out with Chris Varney this week and possibly Sean Mobley.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:41 AM
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Forgot to mention, Season 4 of Torchwood will be called "Torchwood: The New World" - 1 story spread over 10 episodes. The writers have also been announced though I don't remember them off hand.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:29 AM
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Mark says the new True Blood is AWESOME. I've not seen it yet. I might watch it before I got to bed...or I might just go to sleep. Not sure. I'll probably be up for awhile either way. Planning on trying to hang out with Chris later...and probably going to Necto tonight.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:32 AM
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Watched the new True Blood which was very good with lots of cool stuff, yet I was kind of numb during it, on pain killer for my head, with my stomach in knots. Lots of fun though. Here's the first teaser for the upcoming Spartacus preqel series:

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:07 AM
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Got about 4 hours sleep I think. Woke when Mark shut the front door on his way out. I thought he was heading to his dad's but he was actually going to my ex-bf Jeremy's place to work on his computer; he's been there ever since. I had an odd exchange with Michael where he sort of freaked out about my recent date and stuff. Chris had to cancel our plans, but then Carrie came over for a fun visit! Lots of talking, comforting and laughter. She just left. I was gonna go to the bar tonight and still might. Even if Mark isn't back when I'm done getting ready, I could walk. Still tired though. Hmmmm.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:52 PM
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   Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Shaved and showered. Went to Necto. The music was ok but MC Yoda talking and screaming and singing during all the good songs made the night suck. Freedom was there. Christine, Bobby & Brian were there. Good to see everyone. I left early, feeling hungry. I still haven't eaten.

Having a bad morning. Confusing feelings about Michael. The kind lots of people feel after a bad breakup I suppose. They aren't logical. He's kind of a monster...and yet I miss what I THOUGHT I had with him. And it hurts.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:01 AM
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   Wednesday, August 11, 2010

This morning, after freaking about Michael for a while, I took a chill pill, relaxed, made & ate a great omelette with lactose free chees, some vegan cheese & bacon, with some soy milk on the side. YUM. I watched the new episode of the Closer and eventually went to sleep. Slept / cuddled with Mark for several hours then went to my bed and slept even more! Woke feeling pretty great.

I talked to Michael, who's having money / job drama - and we talked about me seeing guys and him seeing guys and the strangeness of it all. It was all good and while he was still jealous (he says it's cause he's still in love with me) we had a lot of laughter and it felt nice. Jacked off. Showered. Talked to Shawn & Tom on the phone. Touched base. Went to Trader Joe's (which closed as we got there), Hiller's for water, Borders for a magazine which proved fruitless but ended in a wonderful Mark / Jason hug...then Whole Foods and Krogers where I got too much sweet stuff, but some new stuff to try.

Had another great conversation with Tom and then some talk with Shawn. I'm hoping to see Chris and possibly Sean Mobely this week. Oh...and I got a really funny birthday card from my grandmother! :-0)

So...all in all I've had another very good day, for which I'm very grateful.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:02 AM
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Chatted online for a bit. Traded texts with Shawn. Getting a migrain now. Took some Midrin...probably have a shake in a bit.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:35 AM
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Had the shake. Had an odd chat with Michael; says he misses being in a relationship and something about us being more than friends. We're gonna chat about that some other time, but I don't know how we could be more than friends. We'll see what that's about. Caught up on SVU. Gonna head to bed soon.

The plan is that tonight when Mark & I are awake we'll go to Flint to pick up Sean Mobley and bring him back here. Then we'll take him home early Friday morning. Tomorrow is my 36th Birthday. I'm hoping to hang with Chris Varney tomorrow. Brian Alfaro says he's free on Saturday if I want to hang. So no plans for Friday night yet. We'll see how this all plays out.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:19 AM
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   Thursday, August 12, 2010

So Mark & I slept until about 6pm last night. I'd missed a call from Michael so I called him back and left a voicemail telling him my plans for the night and hoping he was ok. He eventually got in touch with me and told me I was selfish and not a good friend because I didn't invite him out to see my friends on my birthday...when all I've been doing in my head is try to distance myself from how I was treated on my last birthday (in which I let him cum inside for the first time, not knowing that he'd fucked several other guys including 1 just 3 days before) - and so while I love him and want him to be happy, I just needed this space. I punched a hole in the wall. Took a xanax. And I managed to chill without my stomach freaking out. Go me. ;-0)

Mark & I went to Michael's place where I talked to him and argued and talked and he cried and said he missed being in a relationship with me...which I totally miss too, but I explained that I NEED time to learn to trust again, and we need to get past stuff and it's not my fault so I don't know why he's blaming me. We had an ok goodbye and I hoped to see him on Friday.

Mark & I went to Flint to pick up Sean (who's more handsome than he's ever been - and he's ALWAYS been hot!) and on the way home Mark pulled the car over, which confused me. I thought we were out of gas or the police were pulling us over but he pulled over cause it was midnight and he wanted to hug me for my birthday! Sean & I hugged. and then I took a nap on the way home.

TO BE CONTINUED...

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:02 PM
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   Saturday, August 14, 2010

So after the last entry...Mark got Sean & I home to the condo. There was much fun. There was eventually sleep. Next day we walked to South University to meet Chris. It was really muggy but it felt good to be out and about and great to see Chris. We went to Pizza House but I had next to nothing. I got a carmal frap at Starbucks (with soy milk!) and we played some air hockey at Pinball Pete's (I won both times though we switched partners). Mark took lots of pictures. We walked back to our place and Mark drove Chris to her car while I took a shower. Later Tom joined us and we played Apples to Apples, Trouble and then Scrabble after Tom left. It was great to see everyone and relax (though I was sad that Michael didn't call me after I left him a message). The best part of my night was that I tried some new food (fake chicken!) and made other food while around other people and managed to not freak out...so defifinite progress. I loved that we walked across town. Everything was perfect but for the doubting if Michael & I would be friends after it was all over...also I missed Mollie. But my 36th birthday was far more fun than I dared dream it would be.

I didn't get any sleep. I was going to sleep but then Sean had kind of a meltdown and I wanted to be there for him. Then I wanted to help him out more so stayed up for like 10 more hours getting all the pictures online for his use. I did eventually collapse for a few hours. I woke up sad that Michael hadn't called, and found a text from Shawn trying to find out what we were doing...everything worked out in the end though. Michael called and we're doing something tomorrow. I love him. I want to have things be good between us and he's willing to try it sounds like. Tom didn't end up going to Necto but I did and saw Shawn, met his friend Brandon, and Shawn's sister Dominique (and her gf). Shawn lavished me with attention (he was drunk) and I fended off the advances of 3 guys who wanted to get with me - probably because they saw me with a guy (I hate that). My ex-bf Paul was there and it was great to see him. We hung out after the bar and it was all good...though I ran into this drunken CUNT when walking back to my car, who tried to call me names but was broken by my very loud and very real laughter! It kind of topped the night off in style. lol

Also in there, Mark and I had a really great heart to heart and I think I was able to help give him some support and some good advice...also...I fought off a horrible headache. I'm tired while writing all this so I apologise if it comes off a bit weird.

The point is...my plans for Friday mostly fell apart but in the end I was able to see friends and party and have a good time.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:32 AM
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