Sunday, August 22, 2010

Talked to Michael on the phone just before I went to bed. He was on his way home from work and needed some help with directions. I helped him out. I told him about my problems with Shawn and he said he was glad I found someone I liked but that he was now depressed over me. I told him I was depressed too but he said it didn't matter because it was over someone other than him. He let me go. It was sad. I do miss him. I just don't miss the suffering.

I slept about 5 hours I think; woke up around midnight and headed to Aut Bar to meet Shawn & his friend Brandon. Lots of people there. Jeremy was there and he bought me a drink (a rum runner?); he says we'll have to hang out soon. Shawn, Brandon & I almost went to a 'party' (had to be sex) but there was a mixup so we headed back to Shawn's to chill. I wanted to stay the night and sleep but Brandon would have had to drive home to Toledo so I left.

Really like Shawn. This sucks.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:19 AM
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   Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Shawn came to visit with me on Sunday. We played playstation games, cuddled and had The Sex, which was nice. He had to leave shortly after so he could sleep before work.

Monday morning I went to Target to visit Shawn. Then went to Whole Foods and Little Caesars where I got food for me & Mark. We separately but almost simultaniously watched the new True Blood episode (3x10 I Smell a Rat) which was good. I chilled most of the day as my tummy has been bothering me again, and I was throwing up.

I made sure to call Janice. Monday was her 40th Birthday.

Michael called later and wanted to know if I could cuddle with him. I told him I'd let him know. I continued to chill and all was well. I did end up going to Michael's where we talked about Shawn, Tom, Jonathan (who'd shared a private conversation between him & I with Michael) and his sex life. We cuddled and talked about more serious stuff. He says he's still in love with me and misses me and wants to be with me, but I'm pretty sure that he lied about some stuff too. Got some sleep. Michael left for work around 6am and I left soon after, stopping at Meijer & Busches on the way home. I hadn't eaten anything to give my stomach a break but bought some veggie cheese for an omellete.

I brought in the mail and Mark was playing poker. He told me that Chris & Brian (whom Mark slept with like 11 years ago) were having a party this Friday and we were invited. Lots of flashbacks in my head. Mark sleeping with them wasn't an issue; we were separated at the time after I had cheated on him and he had every right to do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted...only when we got back together we continued to see these guys, with one of them showing me quite a bit of contempt and getting off on my suffering...and eventually told me things that led to Mark & I breaking up forever. At the time I tried to ignore such things because I wanted Mark to have friends - he even said he didn't want to spend any time with them and that he never wanted to see them again but I insisted because Mark doesn't make friends easily...which is true, but if I could back in time I'd have let him forget them, because I feel I was victimized by that situation. My stomach is all in knots now and I haven't eaten in more than 12 hours...which is good cause I'd be puking now but...well, the omelette I just shopped for is NOT a good idea now. :-0(

Ugh. I'm letting this all get to me. I need to relax. I need to just calm the fuck down.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:59 AM
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I gave in to my hunger and snacked on vegan chocolate chips. I shouldn't have. My stomach is really not happy today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:58 AM
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Eventually got my stress under control without drugs. Go me. I ate. So far not problems there which is huge. Though I've not done much of anything today this feels like a very big deal.

I'm soooooo tired.

Mark got some potentially good news; I hope it works out.

Shawn had a really bad day; he was 2 hours late for work (he overslept) and he's worried about losing his job. We talked for over an hour about all kinds of things and I was brutal and honest about the state of our relationship / friendship / whatever. He said he agreed with everything I said...that he felt the same way, and that it was all stuff that he'd thought himself. Basically what I said was that I want to be around him all the time and that I'm falling for him but I know it won't last...that there is the potential for pain when he or I meet someone else or in the avoidance of meeting others. But that I'm trying to take the feelings I have for him and enjoy him as long as I can...and hopefully channel my feelings into a really cool friendship. Not sure that will work but I'm trying.

A friend showed me this website where you can get stuff for Farmtown that would take a long time to do otherwise. I got some stuff even though I've mostly not worked on my farm for like 3 weeks.

I'm fading fast. I need to sleep soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:30 PM
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Michael is gonna stop at home and shower then come here and we're gonna cuddle / sleep.

I planted on my Farm Town for the first time in weeks. Have it in my head to just store all the ingrediants for stuff; build it all up so that I won't run out for a long while.

Sleepy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:54 PM
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   Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Michael & I basically went to sleep as soon as he got here. We slept until about 5am when Mark got us up so we could go to Benny's for doughnuts. We stopped at Meijer so I could get more eggs. Saw old friends Wanda, Amie & DIANA :-0) Good times. When we got home Michael & I went back to sleep for about 4 hours. Lots of rest. Very nearly zero stress. We fooled around a bit but as safely as possible. Michael left here about an hour ago. I took a shower. Read the news. And wrote this.

I'm gonna eat soon. And I'm hoping to take a walk today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:41 AM
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I had an omelette, which was delicious. So far I've had no stomach problems. I worked on my Farm Town. I talked to Michael on the phone a few times...and he pointed out that our friendship seems to be going well and that he's glad we're in touch.

I'm missing Shawn.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:53 PM
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I chatted with Trevor online. Later, I traded texts with Shawn. Still chilling. Feel kind of sleepy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:20 PM
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   Thursday, August 26, 2010

After the last entry I watched some Season 8 Smallville highlights (the Lana arc) then traded texts with Shawn. He sounded down so I went to his place to surprise him. I think it helped but I'm not sure...he seemed a bit out of it. I hope he'll be ok. I crashed there but only for a few hours cause he had to be up around 3am so he could go to work. He walked me to my car, a hug and a kiss and then goodbye. Drove home. Talked to Michael on the phone (I'd missed a call from hm) and he said he had fun at his party and was home watching Charmed. Read stuff on Facebook. Wrote this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:24 AM
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Still awake. This guy friended me on yahoo messenger randomly the other day. He wasn't on and I had no clue who it was but I approved it. This morning he was on and it turns out he saw me on gay.com and was hot for me. He's like...super hot, super studly, and yet not annoying. His name is Russ and we had a very nice chat. He lives really far away so probably nothing will come of it, but he was funny and cute and charming and it was one of those chats that just comes out of nowhere and brightens your day. :-0)

I traded more texts with Shawn, which added to my good mood. I really, really like him. I hope we don't end up hurting each other.

I'm both HUNGRY and TIRED. Not sure which desire will win out. Possibly both.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:36 AM
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   Friday, August 27, 2010

After the last entry I ate. And I didn't sleep until well after noon. I think it was about 1pm that I went to bed. I slept until around 7pm. I read the news and stuff and thought I'd lay down for a little while longer only I woke up around 5am! Crazy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:36 AM
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Watched some Six Feet Under; 10 episodes left. Did the online thing. Bored. Extremely bored. I had a shake for the first time in like a week and it's not going through my stomach well which sucks because I'm hungry again but know if I eat it will go badly. What's up with that?

I miss Mollie and feel like I've not heard from her in ages. I'm worried.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:54 PM
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I took a Reglan; hope that helps with my stomach. I have a doctor's appointment in about an hour. Mark was planning on going with me but he's sleeping so he's not going. No word yet on if he's going to that damned party tonight. I need to just let go. I've not been walking in almost 2 weeks. And soon it will be too cold for me to take those walks.

I watched another episode of 'Six Feet Under'; I liked this one a lot. 9 more episodes to go.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:53 PM
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   Saturday, August 28, 2010

Walked to my doctor's appointment; had to wait an hour to see my doc. Basically my gastric epmtying test came back perfect, which I knew I would. They don't think surgery is the way to go unless I get back to having to take Reglan 28 times a week the way I was before; I'm down to MAYBE 5, probably less right now. Sounds fine for me. There's another medication that does the same thing as Reglan but is safer and I wanted to try that but it turns out they don't make it in the United States. Damn. Walked home, calling Michael on the way as he'd left me a voicemail while I was at the doctor's; got his voicemail. He'd said he'd had a good day and I talked about my appointment. Ate when I got home. Felt good to walk.

Mark didn't go to the cursed party. Thank Joss.

I talked to Mollie on the phone which was GREAT! She's doing good and I'm doing good so there were a lot of smiles and laughter and sharing. I talked to Shawn Walker for a bit and traded some texts with Tom. I was tired. I slept for about 4 hours, between 8pm & midnight. I woke with a headache and took Midrin, which is just now kicking in. I went to Kroger with Mark who mostly talked to Marcus on his phone. I returned a message from Travis who'd left me a voicemail while I slept. I called Tom who'd texted while I was sleeping but he was just getting to bed. I called Shawn and he's been trapped in his apartment cause he's poor so once I'm done harvesting my Farm Town I'm gonna go chill with him a bit; get him out of his place.

Mark, if you're reading this, bill your customers. It's been almost 3 months and it's starting to stress me out. I know it must stress you out too. I love you.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:25 AM
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Went to hang out with Shawn last night around 3am. We chilled at his place. Talked. Laughed. Wrestled. Just being silly. Slept a bit. Went to Benny's around 10am. Headed home. Took a nap. Got a visit from DJ today! Talked to Michael on the phone. Ate.

Going to a party in a bit with Mark & Shawn. There will be people there that I went to High School with. Weird. Wish me luck. My stomach is acting SLIGHTLY weird.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:34 PM
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