Sunday, December 5, 2010

Mark called not long after the last entry to check on me. I spoke to him and Jennifer both, Jennifer giving me advice for my arm, and Mark telling me he wasn't coming home last night - he won't be home until around noon. He stayed the night so he could drive Jennifer to the airport today as she's going to a week long conference in California. It's weird being the single one and being alone at home, not feeling well, while Mark & Jennifer (my Jennifer) play house.

Anyways, I watched "Prince Caspian" which I liked about as much as the first film. I did like a lot of the changes they made to the story, mostly in relation to Susan, who they made into a badass warrior and gave a bit of romance to with Caspian!?! Wacky. They also expanded on the raising of the White Witch idea (which never gets that far in the book), which was a nice touch. I think I'll probably like the 3rd film in the series better, as it's the kind of story that is probably better as a movie...yet the people who make these tend to make all the action (and there's plenty of action) extremely boring. How do they do that? lol

I made cookies and ate them while I watched "Predators". It's also an ok movie. There were things I liked a lot about it, and things I didn't. Most of the things that I didn't like were homages to the first Predator movie (with Royce having the same dialogue as Dutch at the end - the music played during the closing credits - and the military in the jungle imagery in general) - while I appreciated the actual reference to the first film and how that tied into this one. Having now seen all the current movies in the series (3 more are in developement: a Predators sequel and 2 Alien prequels), this is how I'd rate them:

Predator ***
Predator 2 **
Alien vs. Predator ****
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem *
Predators ***
Alien *****
Aliens *****
Alien 3 *****
Alien: Resurrection ****

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:06 AM
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Either my arm is improving...or I'm getting used to the pain. Not sure. The redness seems to be spreading, but the swelling seems to be less. Not sure if that's good or bad.

Mark's on his way home. He got to 2nd base with Jennifer. Weird. Not weird that Mark got to 2nd base with a date, though I don't think that's happened since he dated me, but because it's Jennifer. Last night, Jennifer recommended that I take an antihistamine and that it would probably knock me out...and this little red flag shot up...cause Michael would encourage me to sleep when he would cheat on me (now it's hard for me to hear someone suggest sleep and not feel like they have ulterior motives), only she's not cheating on me...and Mark isn't cheating on me. They're my friends and I love them and I need to get out of this head space where them being together hurts me because it's not healthy, and it's probably not even worth it. Like...it's probably a really great thing and I'm just feeling weird cause I'm not involved - you know? Like I'm usually the conduit between Jennifer & Mark and now they have their own thing so I feel disconnected? I don't know if that's really what I'm feeling but I honestly don't know what I'm feeling except confusion and anxiety.

I'm probably gonna take another allergy capsule and go to sleep. I'm tired.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:47 AM
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   Monday, December 6, 2010

I slept a bit. Mark is worried about my arm. Jennifer thought
it might be a blood clot but it's seeming less serious now and
I'm just chilling until tomorrow unless it gets worse. I think
it's improved.

Mark says we have to pay the balance on my bite guard by
the 15th. It's over $300 and we're broke...and Michael was
gonna pay for it but he couldn't pay one month and Mark
took over, not realizing that Michael was gonna continue to
pay...and I lost track of everything...like I always do. I've got
such a good memory for drama, but I forget a lot of really
important shit.

The mention of the bite guard brought a lot of anziety
rushing to the surface connected to our lack of money and
what created the need for the bite guard in the first place. I
just jerked off, took a long hot shower, and then a xanax to
help take the edge off. My stomach feels slightly upset now
though. Hopefully I can hold it together.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:35 AM
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Played 'Wheel of Fortune' online. Watched "Let The Right One
In"; cool movie. I look forward to seeing the remake. I should
probably sleep, though I'm not sure I can. I'll get the new
'Brothers & Sisters' & 'Desperate Housewives' at least. I might
eat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:05 AM
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   Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I watched the new 'Brothers & Sisters' yesterday morning,
which I loved. I later read that ratings wise the episode
tied with it's lowest rated episode ever. I don't want the
series to be cancelled as I'm enjoying this season far more
than the last 2 (it's regained a lot of fun and a pleasing
new direction), but like all my shows, if were to end well, I
would also be pleased that the final season was better
than a few previous seasons.

I slept later that day. My arm has improved tremendously!
Mark has been taking good care of me :) We've talked
more about he & Jennifer and I'm starting to come around
to the idea. It's still a bit weird, but change always is, I
guess.

So...still super worried about money. Michael will find out
on Thursday how much money he can give me. After that I
have to try to borrow money from a relative. I hate asking
for money...which is why I never do it if I can help it. It's
been, I think, at least 8 or 9 years since I've done so.

Michael has the internet again. This makes me sad. I'd
thought that perhaps he'd not have sex for 3 months, and
he'd get tested, and we could finally be together again, at
least physically...but he's already been on Manhunt and
I'm sure he'll be there often. I cried when I realized this.
It's not like I thought he'd ever be my boyfriend again...but
knowing that I'll never have him again sucks.

I started watching the 'GI Joe' movie last night. It seems
fun in a stupid kind of way, which doesn't bother me,
because that's exactly how the show was when I was a kid.
So far I like it much better than 'Transformers' which was
horribly stupid, though I know someone who has almost
convinced me to give the latter a 2nd chance. Almost.
We'll see.

I had dreams inspired by 'Let The Right One In' with
violent but sympathetic child vampires. I also dreamt
about being on my parents' property and seeing an
amazing cloud formation. I went to get the camera to take
a picture of it and saw another one, which was equally
beautiful. I was naked, but this wasn't freaky. I got the
camera but couldn't get the shot because it started to rain.
Later I was downtown A2. Downtown A2 is always the
same in my dreams, yet very different from reality. Later
still, I was with Mark on campus and met these stuck up
girls who turned out to be really cool. We went to this odd
eatery and talked about going to an A&W for fries. We
went to the mall and I ran into this crazy sexy group of
gays that I'd not seen in years...I think they're from other
dreams that I've had; not real people. I saw a girl from
another dream...she threw up and I asked her about this
and she said it happens every day. I told her about gastro
paresis and to talk to her doctor about it. I wanted to say
goodbye to all the people but I missed most of them. Back
at my parents I was walking naked through a field and
remembering having phone conversations with a wise
older gay man back when I was younger (something else
from previous dreams) and thinking about calling him to
tell him how much he'd meant to me. The wind came up,
and the greenery around me moved, shaking in the wind,
which felt fantastic...and I woke up smiling, yet slightly
sad. And I wrote this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:42 AM
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   Thursday, December 9, 2010

The new Glee was fun Tuesday night ("A Very Glee
Christmas"). I've not gone back to GI Joe: Rise of the
Cobra, but I might get back to it soon.

Some good news. My mouthguard bill will be paid off
tonight...if they accept credit cards...which they might not.
But the mortgage payment, due on the 28th will be paid.
That's big news because Mark has $10.00 in his wallet and
negative 500 something in his bank. I have $91.00 in the
bank. No income to contribute since I get my own food
and have no bills. Mark had 1 job interview (downtown A2)
and is on the phone with someone else now with someone
else in California. We don't want to move...but what choice
do we really have?

Oh...so the person paying off the mouthguard? Michael, as
he promised he would. He missed some payments, but
this is the important one. And him paying the mortgage
payment? He says he loves us and we've done a lot for
him...and that he's done a lot TO me to hurt me and
also...that he doesn't want us to have to move cause he
doesn't want to lose us. That made me cry.

It sounds like the California call isn't going go anywhere; I
just heard Mark say "I'm sorry for wasting your time." They
didn't offer him enough money for the cost of living there
for the both of us - they hadn't offered him the job either,
that was just something they were discussing. Part of me
would really like moving to California because I think it
would be great for my jaw...and I'd be closer to Paul. But I
don't want to live Ann Arbor unless we have to.

Turns out you can't pay the mouth guard bill with a credit
card. We got Michael's checking info and used that. Done.
Michael sounded weird on the phone; I hope he's ok.

I feel good that we're trying to find answers and reaching
out to people...but super stressed. I may take a xanax
later.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:58 PM
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   Friday, December 10, 2010

I didn't take a xanax yesterday. lol. I did sleep well; Mark got
some important work done and we went shopping at Meijer. I
gave him the $25.00 I had in my wallet so he could get food.
I was glad that I had something to contribute. I got groceries.
Later I ate...and threw up a bit. Not a lot. I slept more. I got
up and worked on my farm. I talked to Michael on the phone.
I finished GI Joe, which I kind of enjoyed. It's stupid fun, but
it's probably the best of the 4 Stephen Sommers movie I've
ever seen, which I think might be because I knew the
characters and liked a lot of the actors before seeing the
film. I liked "The Mummy Returns" also, but hated "The
Mummy" & "Van Helsing". He's been involved in all the other
Mummy movies (which he didn't direct) and I've disliked all of
those too. There will be a GI Joe Sequel, which all the actors
are required to return for, so I'm hoping I'll enjoy that too.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:12 AM
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   Saturday, December 11, 2010

Had a good Friday. Spoke to my dad. Janice, her kids & I will
be visiting with our bio-dad on Friday, December 31. I spoke
to Michael. My stomach troubles continue; not as horrible as
they could be, and these problems have been with me not
taking my pills. I took a Reglan later with food and was fine. I
also took some Midrin as I had a horrible headache. I slept
and when I woke the headache was gone. Mark & I picked
Jennifer up from the airport then hung out at her house for a
bit, which was fun apart from my allergies. Jennifer filled our
gas tank and after hearing about our money troubles says
that she'll pay our next mortgage payment after the one
Michael is paying (assuming Mark doesn't have a job by then
- which I'm really hoping isn't the case). I'm looking forward
to Christmas Eve in a way because Grandma always gives
Mark & I money, and I can give him mine and Mark can use
that money for food. Christmas is 2 weeks from today,
meaning the Doctor Who Christmas Special will air in 2 weeks
and I'll finally be able to see how Season 32 ends and Season
33 begins; that special will be available on DVD February 15,
but as it stands, I don't have the previous season on DVD;
can't afford it right now. I started watching "Coraline" last
night; I like it and have about a half hour left I think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:04 AM
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