Wednesday, March 1, 2006

I haven't been able to sleep. I'm really tired, but the cold type aspects of my remaining illness are pestering me. I've been reading the news online, and there's a new report on the 2nd Season Justice League DVDs that has me pissed; check it out here. Justice League season 1 was animated in full screen; the widescreen airings were matted. But from season 2 on the show was animated in widescreen; a fullscreen version cuts out a lot of information - sometimes cool cameos by heroes aren't seen because of this cut off effect; Joss only knows what else it could compromise; it's disgusting! Hopefully it's just a mistake.

I'm thirsty. But my fever has still not returned! ;-) I think it's really gone this time.

I can't believe it's March already.

I work today, then have Thursday off. I work Friday, and then have Saturday off. I'm not going to do anything on my days off, but try to rest and eat good - try to get the last of whatever this thing is, behind me. I'm bummed that I didn't get to work Sunday night - I've been doing that for so long now that it seems odd that I wasn't there, but I can honestly say it was for the best that I wasn't there.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:25 AM
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   Thursday, March 2, 2006

I went to work on Wednesday, and before my shift ended, my throat was 10 times better than before. There was a scary moment where it sounded like I was losing my voice, but that passed rather quickly, and I was constantly drinking water to avoid the painful dry feeling that I keep getting. It was nice to work with Matt & Jeff, Bryan, Joe & Andrea. ;-0) After Mark picked me up I deposited a little over $80.00 in the bank, and then we came home. I've been watching Garak related episodes of DS9, and I watched "The Wire" before taking a nap.

Mark had bought me a white chocolate bunny from Meijer after I had expressed interest in one (thanks Mark), which I snacked on later, though I didn't eat all of it. There's only so much white chocolate I can take, but I ate most of it. It was good to taste it after so many years. My grandmother used to buy pounds of different chocolates and we'd melt them & pour them into molds for Easter - I always ate a lot of it during the process and it made not enjoy the stuff as much. So...that's my white chocolate story.

I finished the pre-DS9 section of the Garak Book. Then I watched "Second Skin" & "Civil Defense". I know I took a break, and had something to eat... Then I watched the first part of the fantastic Garak based 2-parter "Improbable Cause"; I'll later watch the 2nd half: "The Die Is Cast" - then I'll have finished off the first 3 season episodes of Garak. I've skipped his Mirror Universe episodes as it isn't the same character - and I also skipped over "The Search, Part II" as it's not really him either. I'll most likely watch "Way Of The Warrior, Parts I & II", "For The Cause" & "Broken Link" for Garak episodes from Season 4. The other 4th Season episodes to feature Garak ("Our Man Bashir", "Shattered Mirror" & "Body Parts") are either not really about Garak, or are about aspects of the character not relating to Cardassia.

The Justice League rumor that bothered me yesterday has proven to be a big mixup, and that's good news. There has also been news that there will be a couple more single disc JLU releases before the 1st Season Set, which I think is lame, but I've also heard it said that Bruce Timm has stated that the First Season Set would be out before the end of this year, which is good; that's 3 seasons of Justice League in 1 year; not bad at all. I'm wondering how Batman Beyond will fare this year? The first season set will be out this month, but beyond that there's no news. Superman will finish it's run in JUNE, and a new DTV "Brainiac Attacks" will be out sometime this year. The entire DCAU Batman series is available already. Hopefully after the BB & JLU sets are completed (or even before that) we'll see the releases of Static Shock, The Zeta Project & the Gotham Girls/Lobo webisodes in DVD Boxed Sets.

My throat hasn't hurt at all today. Yet I can still feel that something is going on in there. lol Hopefully this will pass as well. That would be awesome. ;-0) I really want to work on Sunday, but I'm torn; I really want to watch the Oscars. Last year I taped them, but then I didn't ever watch them, because people ruined them for me. :-0( Maybe I'll get some writing done today. I rented Harry Potter 4 last night, which is due back today (it comes out on Tuesday) and I do want to see the movie again, but I'm not sure I'll have the time.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:15 PM
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   Friday, March 3, 2006

I didn't watch HP4. I'll probably rent it again Sunday night, just after midnight, so it will be due back Tuesday. My right arm hurt all day on Thursday; it aches, but I'm not sure why. My throat continues to improve. I'm meeting my friend Ben tonight to talk & hang out. And I may see Howie tomorrow. And that's all I've got planned for now. My arm is really bothering me.

So, I realized that most the times that I can't sleep, I'm really hungry. This never used to happen, because I would eat before I went to sleep, but now I can't. It's really annoying. I would have been in bed an hour ago, but I couldn't sleep, so I ate, but now I have to wait for awhile before I can sleep, even though I'm exhausted, and I could sleep right now. blah.

I work today. It will be good to see DJ. I work with DJ, Bryan, Bobby, Joe, Heidi & Pat. I might see Andrea too, depending on how late I'm there. That's cool. I haven't seen Heidi in weeks.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:40 AM
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   Sunday, March 5, 2006

I had plans Friday night; they were cancelled. I had tentative plans for Saturday; those didn't happen. I had plans for Sunday night; they've been cancelled. People wonder why I don't plan things; this is why. With the exception of Mark's birthday party, I've never been able to plan anything very well. I'm still hanging out with Mollie tonight (I hope), watching the Oscars. Perhaps Bryan would want to come too? He was supposed to go to DJ's. We'll see.

I got some new mashups. It's been too long. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:43 PM
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   Monday, March 6, 2006

Things went from bad to worse (there was bloodshed in horrible places), but Mollie was able to view the Oscars with me. "Crash", which I suspected would win Best Picture, did win. I'm sure it's an amazing movie, and I really want to see it, but it was a little sad that the movie that won Best Director, and had won so many pre-Oscar awards didn't win the biggest prize. And no Best Picture winner has ever been GLBT themed, which is unfortunate, so while the night was overall a great night for GLBT themed projects (Brokeback was nominated for more awards than anyone else, it won 3, including Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, and Best Score - Capote won Best Actor, and was nominated for several more - and TRANSAMERICA was nominated for at least 2 - plus the Queer twisted Constant Gardner was on show) - the final award left me a bit...downcast.

One good thing though was all the gay content of these films in the aftermath of the de-lesbian DOMINO, the less gay Director's Cut of ALEXANDER, and the de-bisexualizing of "A Beautiful Mind". Maybe these latest films will encourage others to step up and be heard - truthfully. There are so many GLBT stories that need to be heard.

And I have to say that I was very happy that "Brokeback Mountain" won for Best Score! I'm a huge fan of movie scores, and I've seen this one nominated for all sorts of other prizes and not win for them - which I didn't understand as this score is so moving, and I didn't expect it to win tonight, so that was a lovely surprise. If Brokeback had lost for Director or Adaptated Screenplay I would have been shocked; as it was I was just very grateful.

I rerented Harry Potter 4, and also rented Howl's Moving Castle; I look forward to watching them, possibly tonight.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:55 AM
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I took a nap after my last post; then I sat at my computer, with my headphones on, listening to the latest mashups I've collected. A good bunch. I still can't believe Brokeback didn't win Best Picture. It annoys me. A lot. I didn't hear Mark leave for work, because my headphones were on, and when I got up to give him a hug goodbye, he had already gotten in the car; I wandered out in the snowfall, in my barefeet to give him a hug goodbye, but he didn't see me, and drove away. I called him though, and that was enough, I guess.

I'll hopefully get to hang out with Erich, Erin, & Cheryl(?) sometime soon.

Matt from Bowling Green left me a message on my phone last night. I just left him a message in return. I've known him for nearly 2 years now, I think; weird.

The new DS9 book comes out tomorrow (at least according to parts of Amazon - other parts say the end of March); I'll probably dive right into that, even though I was planning on rereading the relaunch first; there will be time for that, after the new book is read; there won't be a follow up to that book for at least a year, so there's a lot of time. I preordered Boys Life 5.

I took some Midrin last night for a terrible headache, and I'm still a bit spacey. I have no idea what I want to do now. I should probably sleep, but I'm not sure I can.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:33 AM
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   Tuesday, March 7, 2006

After the last entry, I watched Harry Potter 4 up until the final task, then slept until around 6:10pm. Mark went grocery shopping after work, but he went to bed when he got home because he had a headache. I finished Harry Potter, and woke Mark up so he could watch 24, but either his headache was too bad, or it was a rerun or something because before the hour was up the lights were out in his room again. I slept; I had strange dreams. Jamie, my little sister was there. Also I saw Erich & possibly his wife at a bar. Those are just 2 of the images I remember, and while they don't sound disturbing, in the dream they really were. I looked over the Erich/Jessica/Bryan poem I wrote nearly a month ago; I have some great artwork for it, but I still haven't posted it; I'll probably go over the poem once more, and then post that later. I watched "Howl's Moving Castle", which was fun; watched the extras too. Then I watched the new "X3: The Last Stand" trailer: looks good.

I'm thinking about a cd project, that could explain part of what's been on my mind lately. I don't know if the mic is hooked up or not though, and I don't want to fuck that up... But it would be nice if I could work on that today. I think Mark will probably get up early since he's gotten more sleep tonight than usual, so I'll talk to him about it then, and show him the new X-Men trailer.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. I feel numb, which scares me a little. I kind of feel like I'm in the eye of the storm. Not sure what's coming next, or how I should feel about it. I guess I'll know when it hits.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:00 AM
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I'm tired, and acidy, and no longer sure I'll Mark before he leaves for work, as I may drift into slumber land. Though the whole acid thing might prevent that... Perhaps I'll have a wonderful day though?

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:26 AM
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Just found this interesting Brokeback Mountain Oscar Snub article. It says a lot of what has been going on in my head. I don't have anything against the movie Crash, and I want to see it desperately! But it's Oscar win for Best Picture after all that came before it struck me as just wrong. Part of me feels like I'm being a sore loser, but the other part of me says I have every right to be; everything that a Best Picture movie is supposed to do on it's way to the Oscars was achieved by Brokeback; in fact it was the most honored movie in cinematic history! So why didn't it win Best Picture from Oscar? I don't know if it was homophobia...I just know that it doesn't feel right.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:31 AM
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   Wednesday, March 8, 2006

I work today at 1pm. I have Thursday off, work on Friday, have Saturday off, and then most likely close the store Sunday night. It's possible that Mollie & I will watch Desperate Housewives & The L Word on Saturday. I don't have any other plans this week. I keep working the Star Trek pages on my webpage; they're slowing getting more complex, which could be really great later on.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:02 AM
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I watched some DS9; the best of all Treks. Earlier, I shaved, and showered, and got things ready for work today. I cleaned my room a bit. I watched "The Velocity of Gary", which I've owned for sometime, but not seen in nearly 6 years. I enjoyed it more this time than the last, and I had forgotten all the references to Dracula. I remember writing about Shawn the last time I saw it. This time I considered writing about Travis, and then Mark. I don't know if I'll write the poetry I considered, but the thoughts were pretty.

I wrote a long e-mail to my friends & Hollywood coworkers about my disdain for the Oscars. To read some more about what's being said online try here & here.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:50 AM
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   Thursday, March 9, 2006

I didn't sleep before work on Wednesday; but work went by fairly quickly, with some fun along the way. It was great working with DJ, Pat, Bryan & Heidi. Jeef's girlfriend stopped in, though I don't know why. She said that she'd heard a lot of good things about me. hmmm. I drove Mark to work in the morning, and stopped at Kroger to get flowers & a card for DJ because his beloved dog was put to sleep on Sunday; the flowers were beautiful, but the sales person was incompetent, so I only ended up getting him a card. That was probably best because he cried for awhile after just getting the card. I guess that means he's grieving, which is better than suppressing; wish there was something I could do though. A few 'guests' mentioned that they were really glad that CRASH won best picture at the Oscars; I somehow managed to not freak out on them, or strangle them. There was one girl who came in and mentioned that she was still upset about Brokeback not winning, which surprised me, and made me smile.

I stayed a little bit longer at work because there was a line, but soon headed out to pick up Mark from work. I had a headache, but I didn't want to take anything for it until I was home for fear of crashing the car (I was so tired!). I was grooving to some of my more recent mashup acquisitions. When we got home, Mark hooked up my tv/vcr to my computer, and I filed away the 2 GLBT movies that arrived at the house today ("Score" & "Straight Acting"). And then pain killer, and sweet oblivion.

I'll probably make some Desperate Housewife/ALIAS tapes for Carrie today. But while I'm doing that I can't use my computer which sucks.

While I was on my lunchbreak at work I called my Grandmother and chatted with her for awhile. I got Linda's # so that I could get Joy's #, but Linda didn't answer. I left a message on Erich's phone to see when we could hang out. And a few minutes ago I posted his 2nd poem to my webpage; perhaps he'll see them there?

I also got some messages from Linda Riker recently, and she says we're gonna bowl ;-0) lol Well...I'm off.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:12 AM
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   Friday, March 10, 2006

I made a Desperate Housewives tape for Carrie yesterday. I'll probably make another one tonight, and then she'll be caught up, I think. Work was fun, but I was so tired. I didn't sleep last night, or today. I need to get to sleep. But I felt like writing; I got 8 new poems written, and artwork finished for each; those can be read here.

Mollie will probably be over tomorrow to watch Desperate Houswives. Mark is on his way to his dad's house. There's a lot more I'd like to talk about about I just don't have the energy at the moment.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:35 PM
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   Monday, March 13, 2006

Saturday was all about Superman. Don't ask. I started getting yet another Sty, this one in my left eye, but it's mostly gone already, I think. Worked Sunday. I was way exhausted after work; it was raining, my eye was all swollen, and (hangs head in shame) I was on the phone...and I scraped the side of my car on the car-port. It sucked. Also, I stopped at Kroger first, and I left 2 bags of groceries there, so I had to go back. This helps do demonstrate that I was so very out of it. So, I have to drive Mark to work from now on, because Mark doesn't want to be seen driving the car. I know that it's weird, but when I fell in love with Mark all those years ago, I fell in love with the weird parts too, even if they were somewhat annoying. So I'm picking Mark up for Lunch to get an estimate on the damage; my eye still feels weird; and I haven't slept, because I had to stay up to drive him to work, which means I'm going to be ill later. great.

On the bright side, I watched Princess Mononoke last night. It's great when you see a movie you've wanted to see for years, and it's actually good ;-0) I have to stop at Hollywood and recheck that out, along with Spirited Away, and A History of Violence, for Mark. Ugh. I'm so tired. I want to be in bed.

Also, there are some really annoying homophobes on Cinescape(dot)com.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:10 AM
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   Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Yesterday was Hell. I couldn't sleep because I had all of these things I "had" to do. Yuck! I finally passed out around 6pm. I only slept for 6 hours maybe. I was supposed to call this guy I know, but my phone, which I put in my charger before going to bed, didn't really connect in the unit, and so it was dead when I woke up. When I tried to sleep this morning, my stomack was in knots, and I've been ever since, trying to calm it down. I tried making a JLU tape for Nate, but 6 episodes wouldn't fit on a tape, which killed those plans; weird, because 6 eps of Superman will fit... I got some awesome artwork & a poem done last night.

I work today. My clothes are in the washer & dryer. We have to go to the storage unit after work, and maybe the bank, but I'll probably sleep right after we get home, depending on how I feel then. I have to give that guy a call to let him know about yesterday's horror. And I have to call Mollie to set up some DH time. I still haven't heard from Erich. I need to get ready.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:02 AM
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   Thursday, March 16, 2006

Work went fine on Tuesday. I never got around to calling my friend, Robert is his name. I told Mark I'd call progressive on Wednesday. I slept when I got home, for a few hours. I drove Mark to work on Wednesday. I setup a cd for Erich/Erin, who I called later, and left a message letting Erich know the poetry was finished and how to find it. I tried calling Progressive but insurance talk is like a completely different language, and I was confused before I even had to make a choice in the automated format. I told Mark that I'd make the call if he wanted me too, but that I'd need him around to translate for me, which he agreed to. I wrote an e-mail to Steve Ball, an old boyfriend of mine, and then I went to bed.

I was late picking Mark up from work, but he had been late to work, so it all worked out; mostly. We went to Meijer so Mark could pick up some things. He said that he shopped around for alternate insurance, but they are all even more outragious than our own. He also found out that if we did file a claim it would be even more expensive than we had imagined, so he says he's all for going to a bodyshop that will just make it look good, if not perfect - and not include some of the fancy things that the car doesn't need. Finally, a compromise I can live with. That, coming from Mark made me really happy.

After we got home Mark helped me with some JLU stuff, and then he wanted to watch Princess Mononoke with me, but I was so tired. I watched it with him anyways, and he liked it. I wanted to go to bed right after, but I also wanted to start recording a JLU tape for Nate at work. I started the recording and settled in, and I fell asleep, but I woke up a little bit later, and the project was all screwed up yet again! I know how to fix it, so it's no big deal. I went back to sleep, and woke up around 4am. I have today off. I hope to enjoy it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:28 AM
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   Friday, March 17, 2006

Thursday was actually pretty sucky, but I managed somehow. I dropped Mark off at work, and headed home to eat and start that Nate tape (again) and everything seemed to be going fine... I really thought I'd worked all the bugs out, only this time the vcr just shutoff during the recording. For a second I thought I was maybe laying on the control or something, but I wasn't anywhere near it. That was really, really frustrating; I've ruined like 6 tapes trying to make just one. Blah.

After all that, I returned some dvds to Hollywood. I wanted to rent prereleases of & "Loggerheads" "The Dying Gaul"but we didn't even get any copies of "Loggerheads" in. Looks like I'll be bying that one soon. I actually want to buy both of those, and "Capote" as well, which also comes out on Tuesday (just like the other two). "Justice League: Season 1", & "Batman Beyond: Season 1" are both released on Tuesday as well. Very busy day, Tuesday.

And now my blog is doing something weird. I've got two entries here for one thing I wrote. Lovely.

Anyways, I don't know that I'll see "The Dying Gaul" today, but if I see it at all before it's out, that would please me enough. I work today. I have Saturday, Monday, Tuesday & next Saturday off. I've kind of been spoiled lately, and not had to work any days in a row; it's always every other day or something like that. This week I work 3 days in a row; that's gonna feel weird.

I haven't heard back from Erich or Steve. Steve has a lot of time left before I worry about him, but Erich has gotten 2 phone messages, and he hasn't rented anything from the store in nearly a month... erg. I hate not knowing if people are ok. It used to really drive me insane, and now it just...it bothers me.

I'm hungry.

And I really want to see "V For Vendetta"! Not only does it look cool, from all that I've heard...it is cool. And will one day reside on my GLBT shelf ;-0) Maybe I'll go see it Monday after I drop Mark off at work; that would rock! It looks like something Mollie might like too, so I should see if she can go. Mark & I don't see movies together much anymore, which is ok... I really only like going to the early weekday shows, when there aren't as many people, but that's when Mark's at work. Though I can sometimes be fine at a movie opening, when the audience is really into the movie (X2 & Serenity were fantastic opening night experiences). If Ultraviolet is still playing, perhaps I couls see a double-feature, but that's not really a priority for me. I'd like to see Underworld II as well, but I doubt that's still playing anywhere.

Ok. Food. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:14 AM
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   Sunday, March 19, 2006

This entry is empty. It's just something I'm doing to fix that wacky blog misfire.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:28 AM
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The problems I've been having with my e-mail seem to have worked themselves out; that's good news! I just updated 'my space' with some info, as it was pretty bare for awhile. Not sure what's been up with my blog though.

I was supposed to hang out with Mollie last night, but I was really tired, so I told her I was going to sleep for awhile and then call her when I woke up. I went to sleep around 7pm, and woke up at 3:30am. She didn't answer when I called; I hope she's not mad at me; I expected to sleep for maybe 3 hours.

I need to get in touch with Carrie and see if I can't salvage some school time. It's just that with all the worries about the car, & my health and all that other stuff, things have been hectic, and the school thing kind of got lost in the shuffle. If I don't make it in May, I'll try for August, which I'm fine with; it would be like a birthday present to myself.

Batman Beyond, Justice League, Capote, The Dying Gaul (which I've now seen), & Loggerheads should all be here this week. As will the new DS9 relaunch book!!!! That's anothe reason I want to talk to Carrie; I want to know how far she's gotten in rereading those, because the new one will be out, and she'll be able to read it too. I'm pretty excited about that book.

And I'm pretty sure I'm seeing V for Vendetta tomorrow morning after I drop Mark off for work. I might visit my dad tomorrow too. I have to finish those JLU tapes for Nate today. Still haven't heard from Steven or Erich. Boys. lol.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:28 AM
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Mollie wasn't mad at me; she just went to bed shortly before I called. She wanted to hang out today, but I have to work, and I'm not sure I'll be awake to hang out with her when she gets out of work during the week. I finished the JLU tapes for Nate, and I've started rereading the Worlds of DS9 to get ready for the new book which could be here as early as tomorrow. I have to work at 7pm, which is going to suck, because I've been going to bed around that time for like a week now. I gave Carrie a call but I got the machine, and I left a message. People are starting to friend me on myspace which is neat. I took a nap a little while ago, and maybe that will help with the tired feeling later at work. I don't know though. I want to read some more. And I suddenly have this violent urge to brush my teeth. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:49 PM
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   Monday, March 20, 2006

Work was mostly fun last night, despite me being really tired. With all kinds of wackyness (including but not exclusive to a fantastic visit from Carrie, and appearances by laundry bound Heidi & Pat) preventing me from leaving just after midnight like I usually do, I didn't get out until about 12:30am; 5 hours later than I've been going to bed. When I got home I checked my e-mail, and there was a frantic message from my friend Linda saying she really needed to talk to me. I called her right away, and we talked for about 4 hours. It was really nice talking with her, and at least trying to help her sort out some of the shit she's going through, but I was so exhausted. I hope things get better for her, and where she's at. Hopefully I'll be updated on that situation soon.

After I got off the phone, I said goodnight to Mark, who was online playing poker, at 4am. Mark says he's not addicted to gambling, but it sure seems like he is. First he started off playing free games; then games where he could win money but didn't risk any money. The other day he played a game (where real money was involved) and he lost 8 dollars. He rationalized, that it was money he had won from playing, and therefore it wasn't a big deal, but I'm not convinced. In fact it really scares me. I know this is a racial stereotype, but Native Americans and gambling doesn't sit well with me. I just don't want him to get into trouble. And he plays the games constantly; he knows when they are scheduled and trys to be home or awake for them. He plays games instead of doing his taxes (which I myself have not yet done), and he stays awake to play when he should be sleeping before work. It doesn't seem safe, or healthy. And now I'm starting to wonder how much of our trip to Vegas was about him really feeling a need to play there. I had never thought of going to Vegas before then. I don't want anything bad to happen to him, or us. I don't want him to become one of those people that CAN'T stop. But he seems to be heading in that direction... "I can stop if I want to." That kind of thing. I understand the need for a fun outlet, but I'd rather it be something that couldn't come back to bite him in the ass. He has an addictive personality; I know he's had addiction problems in the past, which is so OF THE PAST, but I don't want to see him fall into something that could hurt his future, or even his present. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried about him.

I finished reading my e-mail before bed, and I actually got a response from Steven, and he want's to hang out in person and talk and stuff. I'm stoked about that. I've been trying to catch up with a lot of people from the past, and just see what's happened to us all. It's really very fascinating, and it helps to know what others have been through. I wish I could get in touch with Jennifer. I've left her messages but she never returns them. I hope she's alive and well. Still nothing from Erich, which is annoying. If I just knew he was alive, that would be nice, becuase I have a history of people not calling, because they died. Actually, Saturday marks 14 years since the whole hospital thing. Soon it will be 17 years, since I was 17, and at Mercywood. Weird.

So I got a bit of sleep. I checked to see what time "V for Vendetta" was playing, but realized I don't really feel like seeing it today. I decided I'd rather stay in and read and relax. I'm re-reading the Worlds of DS9 books in anticipation of the new book, and I'm really REALLY enjoying them. I didn't realize how much I missed the characters. Anyways, I might go see UltraViolet tonight, and see V for Vendetta tomorrow. That's what I'm considering now. For now...For right now, I'm happy where I am.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:40 AM
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   Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I'm on a DS9 kick. The started the series anew, from the first episode, and I'm reading the Dominion section of the Worlds of DS9 series, which is by David R. George III, who I know for a fact is a truly awesome guy; we exchanged e-mails after defending gay characters in Trek in an online forum. ;-0) The new DS9 book has arrived and I really want to read it, but part of me is holding back for as long as possible... It's fun though.

Mark exchanged the car with me at lunchtime, and after dropping him off I went right over to Quality 16, which I've never been to before, and I saw V for Vendetta, which was fantastic!!! I can't say enough good things about it; just that I really hope a lot of people see it. It was the #1 movie in america over the weekend, and this pleases me. Brokeback Mountain & Capote were still playing at the theater as well. 'V' was very gay positive, and it was so well done. I look forward to seeing it again, and to owning it as well. ;-0)

I stopped at Mark's work after that to gush about the movie. Mark, Mollie & I may go see Ultraviolet or 'V' tonight, but I'm not certain yet. I stopped at Hollywood to return some movies, say 'hey' to the gang and again let everyone know that 'V' kicks ass. Jeef had seen it and agreed, and Bryan & DJ both said that they've both been hearing the same thing. I'm home now, and I need to wash my hands (the dog at Mark's work licked me...a lot) and get something to eat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:07 PM
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   Wednesday, March 22, 2006

So I told Mark again that I didn't care if we got the car 'fixed' or not, because it doesn't look that bad, and it doesn't affect the way it drives. Mark then said that he would buy his own car then, and stop paying on this one. Mark pays for this car now; I can't afford it, and he knows that. He only put my name on it because if something happened to him, I wouldn't have anything (which I thought was sweet). The thing is, we don't have money for another car. I don't have money for this one, meaning I'd have to quit the job I love to get a better job so I could pay for the car that I never wanted, and would never have allowed my name on, if I thought that I'd be paying for it, which was not a secret. This would also leave me with no time or cash for school, much less anything else that I actually want. Of course if I can't pay for the car then we're both in debt and our credit is ruined, because his name is on the car too. Does any of this seem sane? Or does it seem petty? Just wondering.

And all this right after I talked with him about things to get him for his birthday, which is next month. Maybe it's just his time of the month. Maybe he's on the rag. I don't know. But it sucks. I wanted to slam my door so bad, but I can't to that, because it hurts his ears, and in the past he has threatened me with violence for slamming a door.

Yesterday I saw V for Vendetta, and I told him it was awesome, and mentioned Hugo Weaving plays V, which Mark said ruined the movie. Ironic, that just before that happened I spoke to 2 of his coworkers about seeing the movie and they both said they wanted to see it because 'Agent Smith' plays V, and they asked me if I already knew that he doesn't take his mask off. I also told Mark that it was very gay positive and that it would one day find a place on my shelf, and that the gay themes weren't subtle, but at the heart of the matter, and he said that ruined it for him too. Now, I knew all of that before I saw the movie, and it didn't ruin any of it for me. I didn't tell him any of the plot. I didn't tell him the ending. I didn't tell him the beginning. I didn't even tell him about the music or the lighting or the direction or the dialogue. And there are a ton of fans who've actually read the graphic novel that it's based on, and it hasn't ruined the movie for them.

I remember once we went to a movie with friends, and he insisted on going and sitting by himself. Another time I bought him a ticket for opening night for X-Files, and he didn't want to go. And yet another time, we were supposed to see Pleasantville with my friend Carrie, and he was super stressed because she was running a few minutes late. He said he wasn't going because he didn't want to miss any of the movie. Now, you have to realize that it wasn't time for the movie to start yet, and we lived less than a block from the theater. Carrie & I tried to talk him into going, but then just went without him. I almost didn't go either. But then we didn't miss any of the movie, and it was one of the most fun times I've ever had at a theater! Another time, Mark & I saw Resident Evil 2 with Mollie, and when we left the movie, Mollie & I were saying we didn't like it that much (I hated the direction), and Mark was going on & on about how he liked it better than the first one. The other day he said that he never said that and that it was really stupid. I thought maybe I got it wrong, so I called Mollie and I asked her if she remembered us seeing that movie, and if she remembered what Mark thought of it (and I was really careful to not tell her what I had thought he said), and she confirmed that he said that he liked it better than the first one. Mark does that all the time. His memory is only so so, and a lot of times I'll tell him something and then 10 minutes later he'll tell me what I told him, thinking that it's news. It's frustrating, but it's just something I've accepted as part of Mark over the years. At first I thought he was kidding, but he's not. It wouldn't be so bad if he could remember that his memory sucks and accept when I point out what has actually happened, but it never ends that way; it ends with him asking why I'm so mean, and why I'm telling this horrible lie. I know that me being memory boy I should just smile and accept everything he tells me (after I've just told him) but my memory is a huge source of pride for me...and it hurts to hear someone tell you something you've just told them because it implys that they weren't REALLY listening to you. Like I'll tell him my schedule, and then an hour later or something he'll ask me if I work the next day. It's not his fault, and I know that, but it really annoys me. I should be more grown up about it, and accept it, and just not let it bother me, and sometimes it just doesn't anymore, but other times it's horrible. And, the movie thing, I just think from now on, I should plan on seeing movies without him, and just never, ever discuss them with him. It just seems like that would be the best course of action. And after I decided that he asked me more about the movie in the car, and I just said that I wasn't going to discuss it with him. And then he ranted some more.

I used to love seeing movies with Mark. And sometimes I still do. We see a movie every year to celebrate the anniversary of the night we met (Dec 19), and that's usually fun; we saw King Kong on the last such day, which I really enjoyed. And we saw Brokeback Mountain together, which was nice. The way I react to things on television tends to annoy him, so I prefer to watch things without him at home, and then let him watch them too, and then discuss them with him, if at all. That seems to work out well. But we watch some things together and it's great! We watch Dawson's Creek, and we watched some Desperate Housewives, and we both really enjoyed that, but for the most part I really like watching movies by myself. Because then I don't have to worry about offending him or pissing him off, and I can stop the movie when I want to, and do whatever. It's nice. And it's not something that's done to hurt him or bother him in any way - just the opposite in fact.

On the good news front, I spoke to Amber (who also saw V4V & loved it), and she's moving back to Michigan. She's moving in with her ex-now-current-bf Chris, in Detroit. This is very cool, and she says that she didn't realize how much she missed me until our recent visit, and that she plans on spending a lot more time with me, which pleases me a great deal.

Also with the good news, I started the new DS9 book, and it rocks!

I work today, and tomorrow, and Friday. I should probably start looking for another job also. But part of me doesn't feel like Mark will really buy another car. I think he only said that to hurt me. And it worked. Because of my acid reflux, if I'm upset I can't eat or sleep. I wanted to do both before work, and now I can't. I think Mark & I will calm down, and we'll compromise, and things will work out.

Oh, and Mark read what I wrote about his gambling. He says that he loves that I worry about him but that I need to trust him more. It's not that I don't trust him in general, but this is a situation in which trust doesn't enter into the equation. If someone you loved was messing around with a seriously addictive drug, and you saw that there was a pattern to their intake...that it started out as nothing harmful, and then they started doing more, and then did enough that there was a risk involved, and then they were doing the drug instead of sleeping before work - and they told you that you just needed to trust them more... Wouldn't it mean you loved them less if you just let it slide? Part of me thinks that it most likely is not a problem, but there's another part of me that feels like it's a potential problem, and that side of me is growing, because more signals are coming to light that it is a problem. (And it doesn't help, that his bed is so close to his computer that I'm constantly seeing him laying down with just a hand on the mouse, gambling - which brings back images of the opium den from "The Lover".) He started out playing in games where there was no money involved. Then he started playing games where you could win money, but not lose any. Now he's playing games where you can lose money. He sets up his schedule around when the tournaments happen (I think there are 3 a day or something like that) and when he's not playing a tournament he's playing the computer. It's almost a constant. Shouldn't I be worried? Fuck that! I AM WORRIED. And I don't think it's wrong to voice that. He gave me a list of things he'd want for his birthday; there were six items on the list, and 3 of them related to gambling! I told him I would never buy him anything like that, and that to do so would be like buying a shirt for someone in rehab that read "I like smack, give me some!".

Bottom line: I'm worried about Mark gambling, and I'm not afraid to say that, and I don't think that should be interpreted as a failure to trust him.

I might actually be able to take a nap, I took 1 midrin earlier after I woke up with a migrain, and so I'm still a little spacey. Maybe...

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:51 AM
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   Monday, March 27, 2006

So our car is in the shop. I just dropped it off about an hour ago, and Heidi (with Nate) was kind enough to meet me there and give me a ride home. Mark is staying home from work today. He hurt his chest somehow (they way he used to do) and he's in a lot of pain. Hopefully, we can get him to a doctor and they can do something for him, be it drugs or a cure or something, though in the past they haven't done shit; which is why Mark doesn't want to go now. The last refill on my perscription will be ready at 2pm, but I don't know when I'll be able to pick it up. I have to get it before April 4, because that's when the perscription ends. hmmmmm.

So, I had 'coffee' with Steve at Starbucks on Saturday, which was a lot of fun. It was great to see him again (he looks fantastic), and it was just like old times...only older. lol It would seem that we will at the very least remain friends, which is good to know...but there was...sparkage. I look forward to seeing him again.

Work was ok last night. I have Monday-Thursday off because of the car. The place I dropped it off at was kind of scary, but Mark has had work done there before, so it should be ok. I hope. It's gonna take all our money to get the car fixed. I still think it's a huge waste of money, at a time when we can't really afford it, but Mark is obsessed with the way the outside world views him as a result of the condition of his car. Mark's not stupid, but this really is.

I haven't slept much, so I'll probably sleep more soon. I rented some movies last night, but I don't know that I'll watch them right away. I had some problems with the latest DS9 book, so I don't know if I'll be diving into more Trek or if I'll hold off on that. The book was written well, and I enjoyed almost all of it, accept that one of the stories, which has been building for years now, ended with a series of scenes that seem ripped out of the first Alien sequel. It was horrible. And it completely killed my enjoyment of this long built up climax. It was really disappointing. I might watch some Justice League. ;-0)

I don't really have any plans today, which leaves me feeling a bit odd. We'll see what the day brings. It was fun to see Heidi & Nate this morning though.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:59 AM
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   Thursday, March 30, 2006

Over the last 2 days I've almost completely reorganized every aspect of my bedroom. I think I like it, even while I'm slightly homesick for the way it used to be. It's nice to have a change. I can't believe it took me so long though. I still have some laundry to do. I should take some pictures in here to show how much it's changed.

I saw Steve again last night. He seems sad, but not overly so... I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe I'm trying too hard... I don't know. But it seems we will be friends again, which I'm glad of. I think he needs friends, that won't just bullshit him. I got a free copy of his cd. It's amusing, but probably wouldn't mean a damn to me if it wasn't for him being involved with it.

I had called Janice on Saturday, but didn't talk to her for more than a minute because she had a fever. I checked in with her today, and she's doing better, but still doesn't have any energy. I hope she'll be ok. I spoke to Jonathan on the phone. He's so funny. Jordan's taking new meds, which seem to be helping him. Justin's supposed to start baseball practice this week. Jillian was playing with Brooke. It was nice to catch up. But I wish I heard from Jamie more often.

I did have one amazing conversation with Jamie a long while back, and it looked like we would continue having such conversations (the way that Janice & I do), but she told me something very private and then jumped to conclusions when she learned that Janice knew about it too - she thought I told her, and before I could explain she hung up on me. I was so angry at the time, that she would think me possible of such a thing, that I didn't correct her mistake - I didn't tell Janice - her fiance did. He made a joke about it in front of Janice & our mother. Janice just asked me a question about it, which was asked out of love, not out of some wacky gossipy bitchdom. And now Jamie and I might never be that close again. I know it's mostly this guy's fault, but part of me still stings to think that Jamie believes I betrayed her.

I talked to Carrie yesterday, which was nice. I talked to Jennifer (finally) Tuesday night, and learned the sordid details of her recent visit to Michigan and why I never saw her. Plus we got to chat it up about boys, which is always fun. There used to be so many more boys to chat about and now we're just...circling the same 2 or 3...or that's how it seems. Weird.

I look forward to seeing my friends' reactions to my room. I feel kind of tired today, or maybe just tired of being here. I miss work, and I wish I was there right now. I miss having a car. There have been a half dozen times this week in which I would have just jumped in the car and gone somewhere, but I couldn't. Bleh. I'm ok though, and I guess that's all that matters... But I want to do SOMETHING.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:01 AM
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