Thursday, June 1, 2006

After I ate yesterday, I worked on my webpage, and later talked to Mollie on the phone, just after she had spotted a funnel cloud! It started hailing pretty badly there so she let me go. I IMd Mark to let him know about the scary weather, and was IMd in return by a cute boy named David, who lives in California (and has a boyfriend of over 2 months), who used to live in Ann Arbor, who saw my webpage and remembered us eyeing each other once at Borders!?! That was fun, and funny, and kind of hot.

I went to sleep around the time Mark got home, and woke up around 10:30pm. I got called Jennifer. I called Jeremy and left a rambling sort of message, then shaved & showered. When I got back to my room there was the most adorable message from Jeremy, so I called him right back, and had a really great conversation while he drove home from work. He may come see me, and watch Elvis play Saturday night. I eventually went to Aut Bar, where I had some of the best conversations!?! Lots of my friends were there, and it was great to see them. Robert, Bob, Redcloud, Erin, Patrick, James, and...I forget his name damn it, were there. lol I also met the last one's boyfriend Ken. The name will come to me. A couple said that I looked different, and that I was glowing like I'd recently had some amazing sex!?!! lol I met some really interesting people, and had about 10 pictures taken.

One of the people I met was a guy named Tracy, who is just in town visiting his friend Yvonne, while he deals with some serious boy drama. He's thinking of moving here, or possibly to Chicago. He has a 17 year old sister. And a bunch of his stuff is in Flushing, Michigan - where his ex of 10 years resides. He's 32, born May 12, 1974; exactly 3 months earlier than me. He works at TGIF. And he amused me for several hours (not that like, you pervs!), and it was really nice meeting him.

After Aut Bar, I went to Meijer to get body wash & chap stick, and to give cute cashier Frank a poem I wrote about meeting him. Just in case my website scared him away, I wanted him to know how much I enjoyed our little exchange of smiles. He wasn't working though, so I left the poem with one of his friends; I hope he gets it when they work together on Friday.

I went to bed soon after returning home (at around 5am) - I woke up around 11:30am, showered, dressed for work, and now I'm having breakfast while I write this. I work until 5:30, I pick up Mark at 6pm, and we're supposed to watch Underworld: Evolution tonight. I also need to call Jennifer, call Mollie, do more pictures, and SLEEP!!!!!

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:21 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Friday, June 2, 2006

To start off, before I do the whole recap of my life thing, I'd like to take a moment and talk about my life right now, and the conflux of men who have suddenly appeared out of the woodwork:

1st there's a friend of mine, who might just be a friend, but then sometimes it seems like we should be more, and I'm not talking about Mark Adams - who I'm happy just being friends with. It's slightly confusing this sitch, but then maybe were are just going to be friends and that's fine.

2nd there's Jeremy. I met Jeremy a little over 5 years ago, and I felt an intense connection to him right away. I lusted after him completely, and I respected him, which is a fantastic combination - but I learned fairly quickly that he had a boyfriend of several years, and I had to respect that and walk away. It sucked beyond the telling of it. I've seen him on & off again over the years, and I always have to ask about the boyfriend, because I've always held out hope for SOMETHING, because when I'm around him, it's pretty intense. Last week I saw him, and learned he & his boyfriend have opened up there relationship to sex with other people. It doesn't sound very romantic does it? And I've turned down offers from dozens of men who had boyfriends in the past. True, I have dated 2 married men, but the wives weren't WIVES in the classic sense, and they both loved me, and approved the whole thing. I wasn't sure this new turn of events would really change anything where Jeremy was concerned, but I did think we'd maybe hang out more and get to know each other better, which I never thought as an option before. I even thought that if I knew him better I might like him less...Only that hasn't been the case at all. Now I find that we have all sorts of things in common that I never would have suspected before, and I find I like him even more. I had sex with him last week and it was fantastic, but the stuff that happened after that was even better! But he's got a boyfriend, and that's a bit confusing. But I'm enjoying what I have with him, and that's cool. A lot. ;-0) Now, if Jeremy were single, I'd be pursuing him an no one else. Period. And of the men I'm discussing today, he's the only one that makes me...glow. Which, in a way, sucks horribly. But I'm not really complaining.

Boy #3. A flirty Meijer employee. Maybe we're just flirting; maybe it's an early sign of something more. This could be a friendship too. I don't know. Maybe it's nothing, and I've just be out of the game so long that I don't know the difference anymore.

Boy #4. I met Tracy Wednesday night at Aut Bar. He flirted with me all night, and amused me... He seems really cool, and I think he likes me. He's exactly 3 months older than me. He's funny, and all sorts of other good things...and he wants to hang out with me.

But...he's not Jeremy. Which isn't a bad thing, per say. Jeremy might stay with his boyfriend forever, or decide to move to New York, or not even want to date much after having a 9 year relationship or whatever. I don't know, and it's too soon to know... I might be horribly screwed...and I want to enjoy him for as long as I can have him. Usually I'm a one man kind of guy, but this thing that's going on is not usual in any way. I don't know how I should be acting or feeling...it's scary and exciting, and fun, and horrible. Does that make any sense?

And I'd like to add that these 4 guys aren't alone. It's like, ever since Jeremy & I finally hooked up, everyone else wants a piece of me. It's weird. But I can deal. lol. As long as I'm honest with myself and everyone around me, I should be fine.

I worked with Bobby, DJ & Nate yesterday. I was early to work, and in a good mood, but we were kind of dead. While I was there, one of my favorite customers came in. I can't think of his name (I want to say Sean), but he's big and bald with piercings, and he's a cook; he had his son with him, who was named Elijah, and we chatted briefly. He mentioned that he worked at Fridays, and I told him I met someone last night who worked there, and when I told him about Tracy, he said that he knew him and that he was really cool, and that he'd tell him I said hello, which I thanked him for. Because we were so dead, DJ sent me home early, after I rented "Underworld: Evolution".

I thought I might be able to visit Jeremy at his work but I had to go to Meijer first, then I didn't have gas, or change for meters, and I ran out of time. I picked up Mark at 6pm. While I was waiting for Mark, Tracy called me to tell me that the guy from his work had told him that "Jason says hi.", which made him 'giddy'. lol Ok. He wants to hang out sometime soon; possibly Monday. Tracy had to go, and so did I; Mark & I went home. We were going to go downtown and take pix but I got really tired, and we decided against that.

I went downtown to find Jeremy. First I found Matt, and gave him his mashup CD which he & Jay played at Aut Bar to the delight of many a patron. I tried calling Jeremy, figuring he was at WRAP, but he was really busy. I chatted with a lot of cool people, and then Jeremy showed up, saying he couldn't stay because he'd promised to do someone's hair. Sam White was also there. I walked Jeremy to his car, and I pointed out this house where this old guy used to plays music at night, and I'd wander by and hear it. Jeremy knew him; his name was Eddie, and he died last week!?! I was so upset by that news, as I'd often considered stopping and telling him how muc I enjoyed his music, but I never made the time, and now he's gone. Jeremy said that he had told him this many times, if that helped...and it kind of did...but it was still sad. That was mostly forgotten when we got to the car and lust took over. Roar. He confirmed plans with me for Saturday; we're going to see Elvis play at the Elbow Room. And then he drove me back to my car and said goodbye.

I went back into Aut Bar, said goodbye to everyone, had some pix taken, and drove Ash to her car, before heading home. On the way back to the condo my phone rang, but it was in my pocket and I couldn't answer it without getting killed. When I got home I saw that the person who called was Jeremy so I called back, and left him a message about how it was hard not to answer the phone when he called, but I probably would have died. lol I called again in a few minutes, and he answered, telling me my messages made him smile, and that he had just been calling me to tell me it was great to see me, and that his hair appointment had cancelled, but he was on his way home. ;-0)

I was wired after all the Jeremy stuff. Mark needed some stuff from the store so we went to Hollywood to see if the new schedule was up; it was. I have Monday & Saturday off. I didn't think that was a problem (though odd, as I haven't had that many hours lately), because I was going to ask DJ for the next Sunday off as Mark & I will be in Ohio for the weekend, helping his twin brother Marcus with a movie. But what I didn't know until last night was that we were leaving for Ohio Friday morning, when I thought we were leaving after we both got out of work. I have to talk to DJ about that today, and hopefully work that out. I hope it doesn't stress him out too much.

Mark & I went to Kroger to get some stuff, and then headed home. I was so tired, but we watched "Underworld: Evolution", which I liked a great deal; my only dislike came from all the flashbacks and retelling of part I, which I thought was a waste of time for those of us who'd seen it (multiple times) - but everything else in it pretty much rocked more than I expected it to. And is it wrong that Jeremy kept popping up in my thoughts during the movie?

I went to bed almost right after the movie. Mark woke me up this morning looking for his tie clip, which has disappeared. He didn't want to take the bus because there was a rain forecast. I needed the car, as I'd decided to get my 4 rolls of film developed. I had planned on having massive amounts of film developed at the end of the summer, but someone wisely pointed out that you're supposed to get film developed as soon as possible to prevent the quality from degrading. I'm still planning on taking tons of pix this summer. I wish they still made black & white advantix film. :-0( I can do that on my computer though. :-0) So...I drove Mark to work, dropped off my film, and I'll pick up the prints at 12:30 on my way to work.

After I got home, I checked my e-mail; talked to Mark briefly and wrote this. Now I might take a nap. I work 1-5:30, then I have tomorrow off.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:29 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Saturday, June 3, 2006

My pictures came out great; that's about 90 new pictures for gothboy, but I plan on having tons more before I update in the Fall. I was early to work, on time for lunch, and left on time, but I left my rain jacket, and hat at work ;-0( I got to see Heidi, DJ, Bryan, Pat & Andrea at Hollywood. I showed Mark the pix while waiting for him to get off work; we headed home, and I took a nap. I woke up around 10pm, when Mollie called me, and we talked for about 40 minutes; we're still on for Matt's wedding, so long as we can find a ride. I got up, ate, and watched an episode of Hercules with Mark. I went back to my room to read my e-mail, and there was a myspace message from Bill Miller; Mollie had mentioned that she chatted with him. Before I could read it, my phone rang, and it was Tracy saying he was at Aut Bar and I should come get him. I brought him back to the Condo so I could scan the pix he took, so he could have the actual prints, but I never got to that, as he bent one of my pix up pretty badly. Besides that super annoying moment, the talking and hanging out went really well. I told him about Jeremy and how things were really confusing right now, and despite him obviously being super horny, we didn't have sex. It would just be too weird right now; at least for me. But I was very tired, and we layed down together for awhile, though I didn't really sleep. I drove him back to his car around 7am, came home, read my e-mail and wrote this. I should sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:47 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Monday, June 5, 2006

I didn't get much sleep on Saturday. I tried scanning my pictures, but I screwed it all up (after hours of work); I didn't even want to look at my computer. I took a nap for about an hour. I started cleaning my room. My room is never really dirty, but it gets cluttered with clothes and stuff. I kind of like the ritual of cleaning my room. It makes me wonder about my mother and why she insists on keeping her house dirty. When I lived with my parents, it was actually hard to clean and not get punished for it. How backwards is that? When I left home I was super messy, and some people might think that I still am, but I will never be as messy as my mother; we're talking layers of dirt and grime, where she eats, sleeps, and bathes. I'm just a little clutterd, and I can deal with that. ;-0)

Jeremy called while I was cleaning to find out exactly what the plan was for the night. We put the plan together...together. He had been working; Saturdays are always the busiest for him. We decided to meet at The Elbow Room, and then come back here. I was excited about seeing him. I finished cleaning my room, shaved & showered, picked a hot outfit, and then changed again when I realized it was pouring rain. I got to the bar about 10 minutes before Jeremy, which gave me a minute or two to chat with Elvis on my own. It was great seeing Jeremy interacting with friends, and it was great hearing him say he wanted to meet others in the future, and that we had plenty of time. There was plenty of great conversation. We got to meet Lisa, Elvis's girlfriend, and she was fun. Elvis's band was fantastic; much better than the other times I've seen her play; it made me sad that it was their final show (their drummer is heading to L.A.), because I'd have liked to see them play again.

During the show I wanted to lick Jeremy from head to toe. I seriously considered jumping him in the mens room, but I settled for a kiss. He told me he'd been deprived of public displays of affection, so if he was uncomfortable or something - that was why. It made me sad. It made me want to hold him. He constantly says stuff like that and I just want to console him.

After the show, Jeremy, Lisa, Elvis & I hit the alley with these girls who all know Anthony, which in itself was kind of weird, and we smoked some weed. That felt good. Smoking with him, and Elvis - with people I care about - I love that. Laughter & hugs, and photos... Then Jeremy followed me to Kroger so I could pick up condoms and a candle. The condoms were for this idea that I had, which we didn't get to try out, but the candle was used to dramtic effect. I don't love scented candles; they often just make me want to hurl, but we found a Green Tea one, which was actually really nice.

When we got home, I still had a nice buzz, and we sat in the livingroom and chatted. I got a voicemail from Tracy, thanking me for the other night, which made me smile, and I talked to Jeremy about him. It was still weird, sitting with this boy that I'd wanted for so long, and here we were, chatting it up like we were dating. Lisa asked us earlier if we were a couple or just friends, & I didn't know how to answer. Jeremy took the ball, and said that we were more than friends. I had explained it to Elvis when I saw him enter the bar, so she already knew the story. Mark came down after a while and met Jeremy. He was going to offer him something to drink, but I'd already supplied him with water. Mark chatted with us for awhile before heading back to his room to read his Da Red Evil comic books.

Around this time, Jeremy gave me something...it was, probably the tackiest thing anyone's ever given me. It could have been considered cruel, only it wasn't intended to be. It was still cause for some concern... But this is where it got all kinds of confusing, because before I even felt truly horrible - before it even registered, he realized he'd made a mistake, and when he saw the pain in my eyes, he just...he was so naked.... I mean he tried to take it back, and I was dumbfounded; just in this flux of overwhelming sensation; I was numb. I felt like I should be alone, but when I looked in his eyes, he was crying...because he had hurt me. So I felt insulted, and then confused, and then hurt, and then amazed and grateful & protective and then all of those things at once only to a degree that nothing could have prepared me for, so I was pretty much gone the rest of the night. I just couldn't get back to myself. I couldn't process it all, and it was just so...surreal.

I took him to my room, and layed in his arms...and I touched him, and kissed him, but it was like I wasn't there. I lit the candle, and everything looked beautiful, and everything was still intense and off kilter, but it was like I couldn't stop. Touching helped quiet the madness. When we slept together; actually sleeping...things began to feel a little better. And when we woke they were mostly fine, except for flashes in which my damned memory kept hitting me over the head with last night's baggage. But at least it wasn't flooding throuh my brain like the night before.

I still felt weird, but stuff was beginning to sink in. When we touched this time, I did my damnedest to put that shit aside, and I most got through it. The shower & conversation after was nice. Mark joined us briefly after we dressed, and then I walked Jeremy to his car. I felt good. I was going to wash my sheets (again) but they smelled like Jeremy, so I layed down and took a nap. When I woke, I jacked off, took a shower, and then started scanning pictures again.

About 2 hours before I had to go to work, I realized I was in no shape to go in (I don't want to get into that). I called in, and thankfully, Heidi said she'd close for me. She's such a sweetheart. I later wrote her a poem. I'll have to get some artwork finished soon so I can post the new poems. I scanned a little over 2 rolls of film; it takes hours to do it, and I mostly can't stand doing it - but a lot of people want copies, and I wouldn't be a very good friend if I put it off forever.

I got a voicemail from Carrie; I guess she finally asked out her guy, and he said YES!!! She's been moaning about him for like a year now, and so I know she must be so happy! ;-0) I'm happy for her.

I had rented the first disc of Smallville on Friday, and then at the bar Saturday night it was playing on the tv. Jeremy said that he & Danny have the first 4 seasons on DVD. I told him I had just rented the first disc. We always have weird things like that. The shirt that I was going to wear before the rain; he has it too. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow/today at 9am. He has one at 9:50. Anyways...Mark wanted to get me out of my room, and make sure that I ate something. We watched the first 2 episodes of Smallville; Mark went to bed, and I watched the 3rd, then came up here and wrote this.

I like watching Smallville, knowing that Jeremy has seen it. How sappy am I? I started writing some poetry for him, but it's not finished. I started writing one for Tracy the other day and it's not finished. I've started like 30 poems lately that aren't finished. lol I'm mostly over the whole gift from HELL incident. At the time, I thought that after he left, I might not want to see him again... Only I really do. I want to know him, and I want him to know me. And I while I certainly have naughty thoughts about him (indeed, I'm having them right now), I want there to be times where we just hang out...though I don't know that my body will agree to that.

Ok. So today I have the dentist appointment. And it looks like I'll probably be driving Mark to Toledo Thursday night so he can take a bus to see Marcus, which frees me up for work on Friday & Sunday, and gives me the car for the wedding on Saturday. I'll have to get Monday off though because I'll be picking Mark up on Monday morning around 5am and I won't get any sleep. It's possilbe all this planning will change again; we have a few days to decide everything.

I thought I'd scan some more pictures, but I feel like I could sleep, and I probably should as I have that early appointment. I'll wash my sheets later today, but for now they're still comforting, skanky as that may be. I know Tracy has the day off, and he wanted to see me. Perhaps he can soothe the wackyness spiraling out of me? I hope we can at least be good friens; he amuses me, and that's a good thing.

I need to sleep. stat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:07 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

I didn't get much sleep on Saturday. I tried scanning my pictures, but I screwed it all up (after hours of work); I didn't even want to look at my computer. I took a nap for about an hour. I started cleaning my room. My room is never really dirty, but it gets cluttered with clothes and stuff. I kind of like the ritual of cleaning my room. It makes me wonder about my mother and why she insists on keeping her house dirty. When I lived with my parents, it was actually hard to clean and not get punished for it. How backwards is that? When I left home I was super messy, and some people might think that I still am, but I will never be as messy as my mother; we're talking layers of dirt and grime, where she eats, sleeps, and bathes. I'm just a little clutterd, and I can deal with that. ;-0)

Jeremy called while I was cleaning to find out exactly what the plan was for the night. We put the plan together...together. He had been working; Saturdays are always the busiest for him. We decided to meet at The Elbow Room, and then come back here. I was excited about seeing him. I finished cleaning my room, shaved & showered, picked a hot outfit, and then changed again when I realized it was pouring rain. I got to the bar about 10 minutes before Jeremy, which gave me a minute or two to chat with Elvis on my own. It was great seeing Jeremy interacting with friends, and it was great hearing him say he wanted to meet others in the future, and that we had plenty of time. There was plenty of great conversation. We got to meet Lisa, Elvis's girlfriend, and she was fun. Elvis's band was fantastic; much better than the other times I've seen her play; it made me sad that it was their final show (their drummer is heading to L.A.), because I'd have liked to see them play again.

During the show I wanted to lick Jeremy from head to toe. I seriously considered jumping him in the mens room, but I settled for a kiss. He told me he'd been deprived of public displays of affection, so if he was uncomfortable or something - that was why. It made me sad. It made me want to hold him. He constantly says stuff like that and I just want to console him.

After the show, Jeremy, Lisa, Elvis & I hit the alley with these girls who all know Anthony, which in itself was kind of weird, and we smoked some weed. That felt good. Smoking with him, and Elvis - with people I care about - I love that. Laughter & hugs, and photos... Then Jeremy followed me to Kroger so I could pick up condoms and a candle. The condoms were for this idea that I had, which we didn't get to try out, but the candle was used to dramtic effect. I don't love scented candles; they often just make me want to hurl, but we found a Green Tea one, which was actually really nice.

When we got home, I still had a nice buzz, and we sat in the livingroom and chatted. I got a voicemail from Tracy, thanking me for the other night, which made me smile, and I talked to Jeremy about him. It was still weird, sitting with this boy that I'd wanted for so long, and here we were, chatting it up like we were dating. Lisa asked us earlier if we were a couple or just friends, & I didn't know how to answer. Jeremy took the ball, and said that we were more than friends. I had explained it to Elvis when I saw him enter the bar, so she already knew the story. Mark came down after a while and met Jeremy. He was going to offer him something to drink, but I'd already supplied him with water. Mark chatted with us for awhile before heading back to his room to read his Da Red Evil comic books.

Around this time, Jeremy gave me something...it was, probably the tackiest thing anyone's ever given me. It could have been considered cruel, only it wasn't intended to be. It was still cause for some concern... But this is where it got all kinds of confusing, because before I even felt truly horrible - before it even registered, he realized he'd made a mistake, and when he saw the pain in my eyes, he just...he was so naked.... I mean he tried to take it back, and I was dumbfounded; just in this flux of overwhelming sensation; I was numb. I felt like I should be alone, but when I looked in his eyes, he was crying...because he had hurt me. So I felt insulted, and then confused, and then hurt, and then amazed and grateful & protective and then all of those things at once only to a degree that nothing could have prepared me for, so I was pretty much gone the rest of the night. I just couldn't get back to myself. I couldn't process it all, and it was just so...surreal.

I took him to my room, and layed in his arms...and I touched him, and kissed him, but it was like I wasn't there. I lit the candle, and everything looked beautiful, and everything was still intense and off kilter, but it was like I couldn't stop. Touching helped quiet the madness. When we slept together; actually sleeping...things began to feel a little better. And when we woke they were mostly fine, except for flashes in which my damned memory kept hitting me over the head with last night's baggage. But at least it wasn't flooding throuh my brain like the night before.

I still felt weird, but stuff was beginning to sink in. When we touched this time, I did my damnedest to put that shit aside, and I most got through it. The shower & conversation after was nice. Mark joined us briefly after we dressed, and then I walked Jeremy to his car. I felt good. I was going to wash my sheets (again) but they smelled like Jeremy, so I layed down and took a nap. When I woke, I jacked off, took a shower, and then started scanning pictures again.

About 2 hours before I had to go to work, I realized I was in no shape to go in (I don't want to get into that). I called in, and thankfully, Heidi said she'd close for me. She's such a sweetheart. I later wrote her a poem. I'll have to get some artwork finished soon so I can post the new poems. I scanned a little over 2 rolls of film; it takes hours to do it, and I mostly can't stand doing it - but a lot of people want copies, and I wouldn't be a very good friend if I put it off forever.

I got a voicemail from Carrie; I guess she finally asked out her guy, and he said YES!!! She's been moaning about him for like a year now, and so I know she must be so happy! ;-0) I'm happy for her.

I had rented the first disc of Smallville on Friday, and then at the bar Saturday night it was playing on the tv. Jeremy said that he & Danny have the first 4 seasons on DVD. I told him I had just rented the first disc. We always have weird things like that. The shirt that I was going to wear before the rain; he has it too. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow/today at 9am. He has one at 9:50. Anyways...Mark wanted to get me out of my room, and make sure that I ate something. We watched the first 2 episodes of Smallville; Mark went to bed, and I watched the 3rd, then came up here and wrote this.

I like watching Smallville, knowing that Jeremy has seen it. How sappy am I? I started writing some poetry for him, but it's not finished. I started writing one for Tracy the other day and it's not finished. I've started like 30 poems lately that aren't finished. lol I'm mostly over the whole gift from HELL incident. At the time, I thought that after he left, I might not want to see him again... Only I really do. I want to know him, and I want him to know me. And I while I certainly have naughty thoughts about him (indeed, I'm having them right now), I want there to be times where we just hang out...though I don't know that my body will agree to that.

Ok. So today I have the dentist appointment. And it looks like I'll probably be driving Mark to Toledo Thursday night so he can take a bus to see Marcus, which frees me up for work on Friday & Sunday, and gives me the car for the wedding on Saturday. I'll have to get Monday off though because I'll be picking Mark up on Monday morning around 5am and I won't get any sleep. It's possilbe all this planning will change again; we have a few days to decide everything.

I thought I'd scan some more pictures, but I feel like I could sleep, and I probably should as I have that early appointment. I'll wash my sheets later today, but for now they're still comforting, skanky as that may be. I know Tracy has the day off, and he wanted to see me. Perhaps he can soothe the wackyness spiraling out of me? I hope we can at least be good friens; he amuses me, and that's a good thing.

I need to sleep. stat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:07 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

Oh, I just have to mention Underworld: Evolution, as a certain person says I mention it in all my posts and that I'm obsessed with it. Happy?

I did sleep after the last entry. Mark woke me up for my dentist appointment (thanks Mark); I was on time, and my visit was mostly cool. My bite splint prevents my jaw from cracking, which is amazing, but it's going to take some getting used to. And while the dental staff have been very friendly, and supportive, the head dentist guy was talking about his kids, and he said something that was kind of offensive to me. But I might just be overly sensitive. I'll run it by Mark & Mollie to see what they think. Also, I think he's on drugs. lol But I could be wrong.

I headed home after the appointment. I mailed copies of the reunion pix to Elvis, Tracy #5, Jennifer & Paul. I don't have an addy that I can send pix to for Tracy #4, or Catherine, but when I do I'll send them copies. Elvis is gonna send me pix of the other night's performance, including one of me & Jeremy.

I slept for a couple hours. I woke to find Mark had called 5 times, and left me a message on the computer; he just wanted to know if I was ok. He's renting a car for the weekend, but I have to get him places on Friday so I might still need that day off, which DJ already said was ok - but that means that I could close on Sunday. Either way, I think it's all gonna work out, and that's cool.

I chatted with Paul, Mark, Patrick & Bobby on AIM for awhile. Paul and I seemed to be all smiles. Mark & I were mostly good. Bobby was busy, so we didn't chat much. Patrick and I discussed X3, and his recent breakup; I didn't even know he had a boyfriend, but I guess he did for the last 7 months. Wow. Matt from Bowling Green also said hello, but I had to go.

I called Tracy; who had left me a message Saturday night, and then another message Sunday night that I didn't get until later. I left him a message, which he said made him smile. So...boys are now liking me again, and not being annoyed by my messages. What has the world come to? He called me back shortly thereafter, sounding very happy, but rushed. He actually works tonight, and invited me to visit him, which I might if Mark or Mollie or Carrie want to go as I don't love Fridays. But it would be nice to leave the house, and just relax for awhile. He said if I was awake after 1am to give him a call, and I told him I'll probably go to Necto tonight to dance my thoughts away - so I'd probably call no earlier than 2am. I really look forward to Necto tonight. ;-0) I don't know many guys that just look forward to going to the bar to dance, and nothing more - but that's just me.

I jacked off to porn, which was fabulous; relaxing, and just...nice. I showered, and I need to get ready to pick up Mark. While I showered I remembered talking to Jeremy about Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and it made me want to show him stuff from the show. I'd like to show him the first scene where the developement really hit home for me; the Jadzia/Lenara kiss or episode (which I told him about) - lots of things. And hearing that Danny was a Trek fan, made me hope that I could know him in some capacity that wasn't...dramatic, but just friendly. Also - there's a new Enterprise book that sounds really cool. ;-0)

I'm gonna get dressed (sitting here naked, typing this), and go get Mark. Maybe we'll finish off the first disc of Smallville. Ooh; maybe I should stop at Hollywood - get my hat & jacket and rent the next 2 discs (I'm actually enjoying it - which makes me want to hang my head in shame). Maybe we'll take more pictures later, though since I got the last ones developed I feel less picture friendly - like I just blew my entire wad and need to sleep now. lol But I want to continue because I always regret not taking more pictures of my life.

Anyways - I'm off.

OH! And a big shout out to Carrie! I'm so happy for you sweetie!!!!! ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:07 PM
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   Tuesday, June 6, 2006

After I stopped by Mark's work, went to Meijer for emergency Prilosec, and returned to Mark's work, we went to Hollywood Video where I rented more Smallville, and Firewall for Mark. We went home, then took Mollie to Red Robin to see Tracy. The french fries there are disgusting. Carrie called me while I was there, and then Travis called me too. I got a nice hug from Tracy when we left, then I we went to Carrie & Adam's place, where Tracy called to thank me for visiting him. When I was at Hollywood, Nate & Heidi had come into ownership of the old harcover Star Trek: Encyclopedia, and thought of me, but I already owned that one, and then the updated one, so I asked if I could give it to Carrie, and Nate said that was fine, so I gave that to Carrie, and then we got to hear all about her boy Kyle. Mollie had to leave as she's even more allergic to cats than I am, and even Mark seemed to be affected by them. We dropped Mollie at home, stopped at Borders so I could get the new Enterprise book, which I meant to talk to Carrie about, and then went home.

I called Travis back in the car, and talked to him for about an hour. He's been reading my blog, so he wanted details about Jeremy, Tracy, Frank &...people. It was fun, but I was getting tired, and I almost went to sleep. I told him I had to go, and I finished eating and got ready for Necto; getting there around a quarter to 1. The music kicked ass tonight, and I danced a lot. I left a few minutes early to bring my car around, and my camera for a few pictures.

I went to Meijer afterwards to see Rhonda and show her pictures of Mark's party, but she got off at 2am. Frank was there though, and we chatted for awhile. My website didn't scare him away, and he has in fact been reading up on me. It was nice chatting with him, and he gave me his phone number; we'll probably hang out for a few hours on Wednesday. Sounds like fun.

Tracy was still at work, so I went over and joined him. We talked in the car for about 40 minutes. We're working on just being friends, as I'm kind of wrapped up elsewhere, but we're mutally attracted... But there's something holding me back there, and I'm choosing to follow my instincts. I had to leave eventually, because I'm exhausted. I just thought I should write this out now before I collapse.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:58 AM
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   Wednesday, June 7, 2006

I woke up maybe 40 minutes after going to bed this morning feeling ill. I think it was a combination of taking my pills late, exhaustion and those evil Friday fries. I went back to bed feeling all shivery. I was late to work for multiple reasons, but I was determined to go - though I wasn't feeling 100%. Later, when it was obvious we were dead, and Bill arrived, DJ asked if I wanted to go home. I so wanted to go, but I wasn't going to ask - but since h asked I went. I went to Kroger to get some groceries, went home, showered again (I showered before bed, and before work) - and watched another episode of Smallville while I ate & tried to relax.

Before I picked Mark up from work, Carrie called me wanting to hang out. Mollie couldn't join us because she had to do some chores. I called Jeremy from Mark's work and made plans with him for Friday night (dinner & a movie - possibly 2, because I can't decide between "House of Yes" or "The Hanging Garden" - or there could be a disturbing number of choices...). Food & are have never been close friends. I'm hoping for Pizza House.

Mark was up for Red Robin with Carrie, but he wanted to cut his hair, so he did that while Carrie got ready, and I sent out some e-mail. Mark did the horny thing again (he cut off most of his hair except two 'horns'). We took Carrie to eat, and a fun time was had by all. Jennifer had tried calling me when I was sleeping before work, so I called her back while we wandered in Target (it was a weird night), but my signal kept fading so I told her I'd call her back around 9pm, her time; midnight here.

After we dropped off Carrie, I decided I'd stay up to call Jennifer, and give me more time between food & bed. I watched 2 episodes of Smallville, with Mark along for the ride, and then gave Jennifer a call, which she didn't answer. Right after that, Tracy called me from his job, drunk, after closing time, saying we should hang out, but I really require some heavy duty sleep. He told me he's going to chicago tomorrow. I knew he was going soon, but I dind't know it was tomorrow. He'll be gone for like a month; he wants me to visit him. I told him my friends & I were thinking about a trip, and he said that would be fine and they could all stay with him and his friend, but I don't want to impose. We'll see. I'll call him and talk to him when he's sober.

Carrie, Mark & I might go bowling Thursday night. Wednesday I'll be seeing Frank for a couple of hours, and then probably go to Aut Bar or something. Friday night I'll be seeing Jeremy; really looking forward to that. Saturday I have a wedding to attend, with Mollie. Saturday night I have zero plans. Sunday night I close the store. And beyond that I have no idea what is coming.

I realize that I explained all that, somewhat out of order, but I'm really tired, and I'm going to bed NOW.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:47 AM
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I went to bed right after the last entry, but I couldn't sleep right away, so I continued reading "A Time To Die", which I haven't found time for in several days. I did get to sleep eventually and woke up a little after 8am. I feel like I might be coming down with a cold, and I know I was around several people who were ill on Monday... Hopefully it's just allergies, as I've had those kick in every summer for the last few years. I know it's allergies when it's gone in a week, or less.

Mark looks cute this morning, and he's taking the car to work, because it's going to rain. I don't blame him, but it means I either have less time to get ready, or that I have to spend more time in the car. I hate repetition. I hate driving down the same roads again & again. It's something that I've always hated, but never communicated to anyone before. Go me. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:43 AM
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   Thursday, June 8, 2006

I thought I might be coming down with a cold yesterday morning, or something; I'd just felt off all week long... But I feel fine now, and have felt fine most of yesterday. I made a cd for DJ including the one song he requested, plus 2 remixes and a mashup - then went with a mashup madonna theme. I was supposed to call Frank from work on my break, but I had forgotten his number at home, and Mark dropped me off so I didn't have the car to go get it. DJ later asked me if I wanted to go home early because they didn't need me, and I said that would be great, but I didn't drive. Heidi was in the store really early so I asked her if she could drive me home and she thought that was a great idea - she went in back to change, and I went back out front to finish the project DJ had given me. Well...I was ringing up people (like I always do), but there was this guy that always, ALWAYS gives me a hard time, and I kind of rushed him through...only he then wanted to do an exchange, which I just didn't think I could do without killing someone, so I asked Bobby if he could do the exchange. DJ then walked up and said: "Why don't you do it?" - and I couldn't say why because the guy was right there, so I said that I was just trying to finish the stuff that DJ had assigned me so I could get home, and DJ said that I should just leave then. He made it sound like I had just done something really horrible, and that I was somehow being cruel to Bobby, which wouldn't have been true, even if I was going for a smoke break, or going to count a drawer or any number of things that other people have done when they've asked me to finish a transaction. So I said I'd love to and went in back to get Heidi. When the guy left I explained the sitch to DJ, but even when he said he should have known better it didn't sound like he meant it - which pissed me off because he had just been a complete bitch to me.

Thankfully Heidi calmed me down in the car, and we talked about her trip to Chicago on Tuesday. Just before leaving the cook guy from Fridays came in with his son Elijah and told me he had said hello to Tracy for me, and we talked for a minute. Then as I was walking to Heidi's car (in the rain), Tracy called but I couldn't answer it because I was trudging through the storm. It was really pouring and I got soaked on my trip to & out of the car. I called Tracy back, and he was just saying hello. He was so drunk last night that he didn't even know that he had called, and much of what he said Tuesday night turned out to be untrue; he wasn't leaving for Chicago on Wednesday after all. He said we'd talk again soon, and he had to go. I called Mark to let him know I was home, then I called Frank, and left him a message.

I had a snack, and took a nap, which Frank woke me up from when he returned my call. Mark wasn't home, though it was almost 6:30pm. Mark called and I got him to come home and work so I could have the car, but it turned out I needn't have bothered, because Frank ended up coming here, and we didn't go anywhere; we just chatted in my room. It turned out very interesting. Seems he had heard of me before, from his ex-bf Bobby. As it turns out, I've heard about Frank from Bobby myself. Frank's middle name is Lee, and that's what he goes by outside of work. I'd heard many tales of Lee while Bobby & he were dating, or whatever, and if I'd known that this was the infamous Lee I wouldn't have asked him out because it would have felt like a kind of betrayal of all that...but because I didn't know, it's just kind of wacky. We had a good time though, and that's all I was looking for. We talked about movies, and heroes, and mashups, and his previous boyfriends, and Jeremy, Tracy, and friends. We talked about a lot of stuff, and I learned a lot about him, which was great. He had to leave to hang out with friends and go to Oz, bu I'm to call him on Friday to see about hanging out again, because he said he had fun.

After he left I spaced out for awhile, then went to Aut Bar to spend some time with people there. I hung out with my old pal Donnie, and his friends Sean & Mike. Mike is 42 years old, and extra hot. I just had conversation, and laughs, but was kind of hungry so I headed home around 1am. I watched 3 & 1/2 Smallville episodes; I'm hooked. I think DJ would like it because it's similar to Buffy (not as well written, but close) - and he likes girls with dark hair, so Lana would please him. I've always loved the character of Lana Lang more than Lois Lane, because the version I'm used to knows about Clark being Superman, and she loves Clark for who he is, while Lois loves Superman and barely gives Clark the time of day - I like her spirit, but mostly think of Lois as kind of shallow and annoying.

Now I'm off to bed, and hoping today will be at least as good as the last half of yesterday. I work 1-5:30, and there are tentative plans for bowling with Carrie & Mark. Friday I work 1-5:30, then I have to call Frank to find out when we can hang out next week. I'm going to dinner with Jeremy, and watching a movie. I'm really looking forward to spending some time with him. Oh, and Mark told me that of all the boys that have been over for one reason or another lately, Jeremy is the prettyest. lol

Mark is going away for the weekend, which is fine...but I'll miss him too. When he gets back I'll give him a big hug. It will probably be good for both of us to be away from each other for a few days. We're so weird.

And if Travis is reading this, I just want to let you know it's been nice talking to you again, and I hope we stay in touch.

Goodnight.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:39 AM
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   Friday, June 9, 2006

I got up with plenty of time to get to work, and got there on time. DJ & I made up; no kissing though :-( lol We got some projects done at work, and when my lunch break rolled around DJ let me go again. I took a couple of pictures of Jeef, as this was the last day that I'll be working with him.

I got Little Caesars on the way home. I called Mark to let him know what was going on. I called Steve Ball and talked to him for awhile on my way home; he's off in Minnesota on his crusade to save bells; a trip that should have ended, but because of complications will last through August, and involve a trip to the Netherlands. He will be back in town for 2 weeks in July. I told him I was bummed I hadn't taken new pictures of him when I had the chance, but he told me he liked my picture project and that I could get some with him on his visit home. He also promised me some time when he gets back to Ann Arbor in August. ;-0)

The pizza was ok, though not exactly what I ordered. I watched some Smallville, then picked Mark up from work. I called my older Sister and talked with her for awhile. Then I called Carrie and set up our Bowling time for 7:30pm; time for me to make some more calls, and Mark to eat. I invited other friends, but it was very last minute, as it often is with me. I'm not much of a planner.

Bowling was mostly fun (I was kicking major ass in the final game, which we ran out of time for) - but $20.00 a lane, per hour seemed steep to me. There was an odd couple next to us who seemed like mother/son, until they started making out. Lots of of laughter, a bit of alcohol, and I was buzzed. We went to Aut Bar after so Carrie could eat, and I could mingle. I saw Andy, and a boy named Brenden that I met at one of Andy's parties; they were playing Euchre; I love playing that game. I wonder if Jeremy likes to play?

Matt was there, and joined us, though it was hard to hear anything as it was quite loud. I kept molesting Matt, which amused me. I still felt buzzed after just the one drink; that at least is fun for me. It was fun hanging out with Mark & Carrie. When we were leaving the bar I got a great Matt Hug, and gave him a little extra tip, which according to all evidence, he enjoyed ;-0) (Don't ask.) Oh, and he just got his lip pierced, which looks great.

After we dropped Carrie off at her car, and headed home, Carrie called, excited beyond words; her boy Kyle had called while she was out. And he had actually called once before, so that's great news for her. I'm going to sign up for Fall Classes at WCC on Monday, and attend Carrie's English class with her on Monday.

I fell asleep for a brief time on the couch when I got home. Then I came up here, finished Smallville, and wrote this. I'm probably going to bed soon. I need to be up early to take Mark to the car rental place. I'm tempted to scan more pictures, or go out and wander, but I know that I shouldn't.

I'm looking forward to seeing Jeremy tonight.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:16 AM
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Ok. I can't sleep. I don't know what the problem is, but it's pissing me off. On the bright side, I just found a whole load of cool peeps on myspace.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:56 AM
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So I eventually slept, if not well. Mark woke me up to drive him to the car rental place. I wanted to go back to sleep so bad, but didn't complain; I knew I had to get Mark to the rental car so he could go to his brother's and then I could relax. I got dressed fast, and we got to the car rental place. I told him I was worried that I might have bronchitis, as I used to get that a lot when I was younger, and I had been coughing last night. I was thinking I might have to call off my date with Jeremy tonight, and feeling a bit sorry for myself. I hugged Mark goodbye and headed home.

Around the halfway point my stomach started with some weird rumblings. My tummy hasn't been normal for 5 years so I wasn't overly concerned... erg. I'm still shakey. Ok. So I took the express way home, and I was heading up Pontiac Trail to get home, and I started feeling like I was going to shit myself. Fun times, huh? Well, I was pretty close to home, but the feeling was overwhelming, and all I could think about was the toilet I'd have access to in like 5 minutes, only that seemed so far away. I sped up, parked on the street, ran inside, tore off my clothes (it sounds hotter than it actually was) and found some relief in the bathroom. I got dressed; thinking the worst was behind me, and that I could move my car into it's assigned space. I opened the door and saw a police truck on the street, which didn't alarm me, as I believe that one of my neighbors might be a cop, and that another one entertains officers on a semi-regular basis. But within a second of me stepping outside my stomch lurched again, and I decided to skip the car, and just worry about myself. I went back inside, and got undressed again. I made it to the toilet again, just in time, and there was a loud pounding on the door. I grabbed a towel, and ran stumbled down the stairs, thinking that one of my neighbors was going to give me something I had dropped, or that the UPS guy was extremely early - only it wasn't anything like that...there were police, like...everywhere. Like in a movie where they've tracked down a serial killer or something. There was the truck, and another car, parked in front of my car, like I might bolt or something. And there was a female cop doing the talking and at least 3 other cops, who appeared to be male. But it felt like there was more because they were wandering around me. I invited them inside (in case I felt sick again), and the officer doing the talking entered the doorway, but not far. The female police officer, who wasn't cruel, asked me if I knew why they were talking to me, and I said no. It was so surreal. And I was all shakey from being sick; I thought they must think I'm a junky or something. They asked who had been driving my car about 20 (I don't remember the exact number) minutes ago, and I told them that I had been. They said that the car had been speeding and passed a police officer, and did that sound familiar? I told them that I was sick to my stomach, and that I sped up when I got close to home, trying to get to the toilet.

They asked that I get dressed and talk to them. Great. When I tried to close the door so I could get up the stairs they stopped the door from closing all the way (like, where was I gonna go?). I stopped at the toilet, and finished what I started, quickly. I pulled on some jeans and put on a shirt as I came down the stairs. I put on some dirty socks I'd taken off yesterdya, and pulled on my beat up tennis shoes. I pulled on my leather, afraid I was going to star shaking... And I was dressed.

When I went back outside she had me sit on the curb, and she told me that I should be thankful that I had such good neighbors, because they had told the cops that I had parked really fast, and run into my house. That didn't make me love my neighbors; it made me resent them. They didn't come and ask if I was ok...they just got the police; I can't imagine anyone thinking that I'm dangerous...so it's just...it was like the Twilight Zone. And there are all these cops on the lawn with me. It probably would have been even more humiliating, except I was so concentrated on my stomch rumbling, and trying not to shiver too much, that it was hard to pay attention to everything happening around me, and take it seriously; it was like a horrible nightmare.

I was asked where I was coming from, and I told them the truth; that I had just dropped Mark off at a car rental place so he could visit his brother for the weekend. I was asked if I had any warrents for my arrest, and I said no. I would have laughed at that question if the timing wasn't so horrible. I was asked what my record was like and I said it was good. She told me I wasn't under arrest, which was probably in response to me seeing a flock of cops on my lawn, and looking so out of it. She wrote me a speeding ticket, and informed me that the entire incident had been videotaped, as her truck was equipped with a video camera. Made me wonder if they'd watch that tape later, and laugh about the sick guy they dragged out of the house - the one who got a speeding ticket for speeding home and not shitting himself.

Looking back on it, they must have thought I was speeding away from them, and that I parked fast, and ran inside to get away, but what they didn't know was that I had no clue they were there. I think I remember passing a truck coming in the opposite direction, but I had no idea it was a cop. All I knew, was that I needed to get home NOW. I wasn't in traffic, and the roads were pretty empty. I could see everything ahead of me, and there were no pedestrians. I sped up this one time on this road (we're costantly getting beeped at on that road for driving the speed limit), to relieve myself, and spare my clothing, and vehicle, and that's all there was too it.

After they let me go, and came inside and called Mark. I felt horrible, and Mark was pissed, and thankfully that wasn't directed at me, or not much of it was. I want to just sleep, and pretend the world is as it should be. Mark says I should call our prepaid legal service on Monday and have the violation reduced to a nonmoving one. We just paid for our car to be repaired out of pocket so our insurance wouldn't go up. And now I'm all kinds of stressed, and still sick, and disappointed that I have to cancel my plans with Jeremy, as that's pretty much all I've been looking forward to all week. I had the movies picked out.

Today is just the worst day that I've had in some time. I called Janice and told her what happened, to help me calm down. She felt they could have given me a warning, given the circumstances. They did say they reduced the speed of the violation, and told me to feel better. I'm still in shock though. I should call into work now, rather than later. I called in on Sunday, and I've been sent home everyday this week. I really thought that yesterday was the day my week had turned around, and everthing was going to be great for the weekend... I feel like crying - but I think I'm too dehydrated to do it.

I just called DJ at work, and told him the whole sorded story. I know I don't sound like myself; like I'm stoned or something. Like I'm talking really slow... It'll get better, right?

I had such a great day yesterday. Work was fun, and I got a lot done. DJ & Jeff were fun. Everything was fun. I got to have Little Caesars, which I seldom get to enjoy these days. I got to hang out with Carrie & Mark. I made plans for school. I saw more friends at the Aut Bar. It was just as great day. And I've been having a lot of great days lately. Some of that has been just making an effort to see as many of my friends as possible. Some of that has been my working environment kicking ass. Some of that has been dating again. Jeremy is a big part of that because I've wanted him for so long; he was this guy that I never thought I could have though I wanted him so much. Jennifer is coming back to Michigan in July. Steve is coming back to the area in August, and I'll see him in July. I'm in communication with more of my older friends than in any other time in my life. I'm getting along with my family, as far as I know... And everything has been good. And this just blind sided me.

I'm going to be ok. I'm going to be ok. I'm going to be ok. If I can just stop shaking I'll be ok.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:31 AM
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   Saturday, June 10, 2006

I cancelled my plans with Jeremy last night; I left him a message. He left me a sweet message later on, saying he'd like to talk to me, and try to cheer me up. It made me smile. I left him another message around 6:53pm, but he never called me back. I hope he wasn't too disappointed about the evening. That's not true, actually. I hope he was very disappointed, but that he was understanding, and that I'll see him again soon. I grew all this facial hair for him, and he didn't even get to see it.

I talked to Mollie a couple of times. She was bummed about the wedding but more worried about me, and happy to not have to spend money she didn't have for a dress that in the end, wouldn't have been that dressy. She later got Adam to take her to the store so they could bring me more bottled water, crackers, tums and the like. They also got me a card, which made me smile. Carrie called me, not knowing I was sick (she promised to call me later on Saturday to check up on me)...but she called to tell me that she went out with Kyle and that the date was fantastic. I was/am very happy for her, and hope things continue to go well for her, or if not, that she treasures the good times, and takes away only the positive. ;-0) I'm very grateful for my friends.

I'm still sick though. It's weird. I was all acidy for most of the day, but I'm not anymore. I've been drinking water for the last few hours (thanks guys), and eating crackers and stuff. I still have diarrhea pretty bad; almost every hour, but I don't feel horribly dehydrated, which is nice, because I hate being dehyrated. I wish I didn't feel this way, so I could have seen Jeremy, and gone to the wedding with Mollie, and seen Matt & Sarah get married; I'd really have enjoyed all of that, but for gross illness, this isn't that bad. It sucks, no lie, but it could be so much worse, and I'm lucky that it's not.

Mark's not having a great weekend either. I spoke to him on the phone a couple times. There's a lot that I wish could have gone better in the last 24 hours, but I wish that he was relaxed and happy; he deserves that, you know?

Oh, there was also a message from Jonathan, which confused me for a second, because I was trying to figure out who it was from. I heard the voice, and the name. He was obviously gay, and I was trying to figure out when I had dated someone named Jonathan - when it later hit me that I never did. That it was just a friend. lol Maybe I can blame that on the illness?

Usually, when I'm sick, I'm miserable. I mean, I hate the world and I'm bitter, but...and this is strange...I just feel...good. Not because this is fun, but because I feel like no matter what happens, everything will turn out ok. I have great friends, and I'm very lucky.

I have 2 more episodes of Smallville to watch, and then I'm out, until I can rent some more. Maybe I'll feel up to getting them tomorrow? Or if not, then I can get them Sunday when I work. Because I've got to be better by then, right? Otherwise I fear this thankful/happy sickness will turn me into monster jason. erg.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:31 AM
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I just woke up around 20 minutes ago. I dreamed I was playing with a friend's pet spider. Also, there were roller coasters. I woke up, sick as before. I got dressed though, and moved my car back into it's spot, so I don't have to worry about it being towed away. I feel kind of weak, and I feel like I should probably stay near the bathroom at all times. But I also feel like I want my room to be clean, and I might clean it a bit later.

There was a message on my phone, from 10:26am, from Jeremy, explaining that his original plan for last night was to come over with soup or whatever I wanted, and to hold me while I was feeling horrible. But, his boyfriend Danny had to have emergency surgery(!?!) last night, so Jeremy spent the night at the hospital with him. OMJ. I hope Danny's alright! I wonder what happened? And I hope Jeremy is alright; he sounded really tired in the message. I just...wow. I'm sick, still, which is starting to worry me, but only slightly. I'm more worried about everybody else.

So there is absolutely ZERO chance for me to attend that wedding now. It's a bummer, but I also find myself not caring about that so much now that I'm obviously still sick, and shakey and stuff. I find myself just kind of being grateful that I don't have to leave the house at all. It was really nice outside, if you're feeling good, but it just made me feel worse.

I think I'm gonna take a shower (I haven't showered in nearly 48 hours - which is unheard of for me). Then I'm going to try to clean my room up a little. I wish Mark was here, so he could return my Smallville DVDs and bring me more. lol. But that's ok. I've got movies, and I've continued reading my Trek book. Maybe I'll scan more of my pictures, now that I know what I'm doing. I posted some of my new ones in my myspace account, but I'm waiting until around November to update my actual picture page on gothboy. I might actually take down all the pictures I have up before then, and leave that section closed for a month or something, until the whole thing is finished being overhauled.

I just realized I only have 10 days until the final boxed sets of Superman & Justice League are released; I wish I had them now so I could watch the Superman set; there are episodes on that one that I've never seen before. Rumors are circulating that Justice League Unlimited will start it releases in the Fall, along with more Batman Beyond. Hope it's true.

I've got a cough now. blah. Poor Me. Stop it!!! I'm trying to keep in good spirits. ;-0) But it's not easy, so wish me luck.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:29 PM
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I think I'm starting to feel a little bit better. I took a shower, and started doing some laundry. I had some actual food, and I have a bit more energy than I did last night, but other than that I'm still feeling pretty gross. Carrie called me, to tell me that she's apparently infected as well, and I haven't seen her since Thursday; hopefully she's the only one who caught it from me. I called Mark, and he's feeling fine; making props and filming scenes with the gang.

I finished the Smallville episodes I'd rented, meaning I've seen all but 1 episode of season 1. We have the first 4 seasons to rent at work, and if I was feeling better, I'd go rent the next 3 discs, but I'm not, so I can't. It sucks. I read a bit more of my book, but I'd rather watch my new show instead. The 5th season comes out on dvd in the fall, and the 6th season starts up around then.

I talked to Jeremy earlier, and Danny's doing ok. He had a stone removed from his gall bladder. J must be so exhausted; working, and worrying about 2 sick boys. He said he'd call me later to see if I needed anything. I'm tempted to ask him for more Smallville, but I don't think I'm going to, because while it would be nice to have something to watch, I'd feel truly horrible if he got sick from being here. Still, it was good to hear his voice, and to know that everything is mostly ok.

I don't know what I'm going to do now. Maybe work on my webpage? Try for some more sleep? I don't know what I'm going to do moment to moment, so it's hard to predict.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:24 PM
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   Sunday, June 11, 2006

I feel a lot better now. I'd kind of like to go out, but I know that's a really bad idea. I tried scanning more pictures, but I keep having problems, which I can't figure out; maybe Mark can help me with it after he gets home. I should break down and get a new scanner; that would be nice.

I've heard weird sounds coming from my neighbors condo all day; I think they're doing construction over there or something; they're so fucking loud. Makes it hard to read. I wish I had some earplugs. I was drifting off to sleep a while ago, but it sounded like they were pounding on the wall. Earlier sounded like they were sawing through something. I guess they could have been fucking, that last time, but they usually save that for weekday mornings; I've heard them do that plenty of times.

Jeremy came over earlier and gave me a card. It was great to see him. He looked really good too, especially considering the weekend he's been having and how little sleep he's gotten. We talked for awhile, and he held me for a little while. He couldn't stay long because he had to go pick up Danny's little brother Jack from work. I guess Jack is staying with them, and he's 17; Danny is 36. Jack works at Chucky Cheese. I have to remember to show Jeremy DS9's "The Visitor" - the best episode of Trek, in my opinion. Carrie & I were just talking about that episode.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:24 AM
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   Monday, June 12, 2006

Sunday, I woke up around 3pm. I watched DS9's "The Visitor" & "Rejoined"; two episodes I had told Jeremy about. I shaved (with no shaving cream, as Mark had taken it with him), showered, and got to work on time. Work was fun. It's always nice to get back to work after having a horrible experience. I catch myself replaying the humiliation of the speeding ticket. I mean, its one thing to have a cop pull you over for speeding; but another for a group of cops to call you out of your home, where you're uncontrollably voiding your bowels, so they can give you a ticket, in front of your neighbors. It pisses me off. And when I look back on the drive, I don't remember hearing a single siren, or seeing a flashing light. I would have pulled over if they had just let me know I'd been speeding, but I didn't even see them until I saw them parked on the street, before my stomach starting lurching again! Ugh. The whole thing just makes me not want to live here anymore, which is sure to please Mark, as he's been pushing for sometime for us to move into a house, but I've been saying I love it here too much.

Nate told me about Matt's wedding. I was happy that the wedding went well, but I was bummed that I couldn't make it. It was almost painful to hear about the fun that the Hollywood gang had without me... But it was like an act of love to NOT go the way I was feeling. But it still hurts.

There's this customer named Henry that recently found out about my memory for all things Trek, and has been pumping my brain for all it's worth, which has actually been fun. He cheered me up, and I got him to rent the "The Visitor". That disc also contains "Way of The Warrior, Parts I & II" which I'm sure he'll love. It was great shutting off the part of my brain that was pissed about the ticket, and lack of Wedding fun & Jeremy smoochies - and just ramble about tv shit. ;-0)

After work, I went to Meijer to pick up some stuff, and chat with Frank, who I didn't get to call on Friday because of the illness. He took his break, and I followed him around while he shopped, and we chatted. We probably won't get to hang out this week, which is too bad. He makes me laugh, and we play off each other rather well. I think we could be really good friends or something. The timing is just cool (between us I mean). And on a side note, I guess Bobby has made peace with him, concerning thier past relationship. Nice.

I was tempted to go to Club Divine to see Jeremy, but while I feel 100% better than I did on Saturday, I didn't think I was ready for loud club music, and a cloud of smoke. But I really wanted to see him... erg. It's possible he didn't even work, given his weekend troubles. Maybe I'll see him this week sometime?

When I got home from Meijer, I ate and watched 3 episodes of Smallville (I'm now 2 episodes into Season 2). I would have gone to bed, but I had to wash my sheets, which are now in the dryer. I've been washing them a lot lately, but I wanted to wash them after being all sickly on them. So those are in the dryer... I'm supposed to meet Carrie at around 10:20am to go to Washtenaw and get some of this college plan sorted out. I wish I could get some sleep first; that would be nice. But I'm excited aobut the school thing. I have no clue what I'll do in school, but at least it's something new; something that could lead to something cool. Here's hoping.

I've been writing poetry again, after taking a couple months off. I was writing one for Jeremy when he stopped by on Saturday, and I had to change it a bit for it to make sense. I haven't given it to him yet. I've actually been working on another one for him since last week, but it's slow going.

I'm so tired. I'm gonna brush my teeth, and just collapse on my bare mattress. Mark should be here around 8am; it will be good to see him.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:38 AM
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When I went to bed, I started coughing a lot, just like I was doing last week before the flue thing. I'd coughed a little then too, but it was overshadowed by other stuff. I've gotten next to zero sleep. I called Carrie to cancel, only Mark got home (he'd left a message telling me that he was trapped in traffic and wouldn't make it home in time to stop at home), and we watched the short film he'd helped make. I'm sure it was very amusing, but my head feels huge, and my eyes hurt, and while I thought it was cute, I didn't laugh, which I think upset Mark. "It's supposed to be funny." I just want someone to knock me out for a couple of hours. I thought I was out of the woods... blah.

It's not as horrible as all that. If it's a nightly cough, it won't stop me from working or anything. I just have to take some cough syrip to knock me out.... But that doesn't bode well for me & Jeremy.

:-0(

I'm unthrilled.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:09 AM
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No sleep for the wicked, I guess. I took some cough medicine so I could sleep, only I can't now, because I'm waiting for a phone call from our lawyer about the speeding ticket on Friday. The idea being, that even though they have proof that I was speeding, it costs them money to prove that I was, so they can plea bargain down to a lower charge, and save us money. This is something I would never do on my own, though it makes sense, and doesn't feel bogus given the humiliation I suffered. The lack of compassion on their part was pathetic.

I'm not off with Carrie at school because of the cough, and the leagle stuff. We're going to do it soon though. I want to go to bed now!

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:25 PM
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   Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Talked to the law peeps, and the ticket I got, if not challenged, will result in 2 points on my drivers licence!?! Given the circumstances, it's possible a court will declare my actions an emergency, but I don't know that I trust that. I just don't have any faith in our courts, our police, or our government. I sped home, to use the toilet, and wasn't pulled over, but taken out of my home, sick, shivering, by multiple police officers, who gave me the speeding ticket in front of all of my neighbors... I was so sick, and I had to sit there and take it. It was horrible. I feel violated, but I thought I could just pay the ticket and that would be the end of it; I didn't expect that I'd also have points on my licence for a couple years, and watch my car insurance go up $1200.00, which I don't know how I'll pay. I make next to zero dollars a year, and I was going to start attending college in the Fall. And all this because drove 40mph for less than a mile, so I wouldn't shit myself in my car. I'm not saying that what I did was right, but I think that it was understandable. There were circumstances. And instead of being shown some small compassion I was treated like a junkie or something, and just splayed out on the curb while my condition continued to spiral away, and my future was tainted. It just sucks beyond the telling of it, and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm all acidy - which makes it so fun, to try to sleep.

I read in Mollie's myspace blog about her watching Jon Stewart. I love him. And since I couldn't sleep, I dowloaded a couple episodes of his show, and the laughter really helped.

Besides all that bile, Mark made it home safe & sound, for which I'm grateful. Our car has a new dent, which he noticed right away, and I had no explanation for, as I barely drove the thing while he was gone. He's like a bloodhound for dents and scratches, that I wouldn't have noticed...ever. And I didn't get to sleep yesterday (on my day off) because I had to wait for the law peeps to call me, which they didn't do until around 6pm - just as I was leaving to pick up Mark. While not sleeping, I did some artwork, wrote a poem, scanned some more pictures, and worked on my webpage.

I haven't slept since I got up for work on Sunday. I might be able to sleep sitting up at this point. Barring that, I'm going to sleep as soon as I'm able to lie down without screaming.

And just so we're clear, beyond all this minor whining, I'm glad to be alive, and glad to know so many amazing people. You guys make it all worthwhile somehow, even when the world seems like a brainless conservative repulican pleasure planet. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:58 AM
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I got about 5 hours sleep (yay!). I went grocery shopping last night, and bought tons of food. Eating is good. Remember that, children. I don't know that I got anything too unusual for me, but it's a start. I wanted to get more, but I wasn't sure I could afford it last night.

I work 1-5:30 today. I'm trying to not complain about anything today, as I'm sick of it. I just don't want to whine today. We'll see how long that lasts.

I've got to go to work.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:45 PM
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I had a lot of fun at work; I was 10 minutes late because Mark got stuck at the bank, but I had to stay late to wait for Mark to get off work & pick me up, so it balanced out. I worked with Bryan, Bill, Jeff, Pat, Kyle & Andrea. Nice bunch of people. DJ will be there tonight, and Jeff wants to borrow season 7 of DS9, as we don't have that season at work, or not all of it, so I'm going to finish of the disc of Smallville that I'm watching, exchange that one for another disc, give Jeff his DS9 fix, and say hello to DJ.

Also at work, I had to call my lawyer and get things into play for a court date. I find anything to do with court, or law, or what have you, to be stressful, and I avoid such situations when I can...but I don't think that's possible this time. It just seems too horrible. erg. That's always in my thoughts now, and I want it gone.

After we got home, I watched another Daily Show episode, and then cuddled with Mark. We were both exhausted, and it was nice, but I felt weird. I'm not sure what's going on with me. Maybe I have a cold, but I'm starting to think that it's just allergies. I'm almost certain that I've developed them in the last few years. I'll have cold like symptoms and I'll be all set for the annoying sickness to get worse, only it doesn't, and a few days later I'm good - which is nice, it's just weird. So hopefully I'm fine.

After the cuddles, and a very short nap, I took a shower, and wrote this. I'm going to eat and watch Smallville now.

I miss Jeremy, and I hope things are good where he is. I hope Danny is recovering well. It's an odd situation; I know... I don't even really know the guy, but I don't want anyone to suffer like that. And he's very important to Jeremy, who is more than a friend of mine, and that makes him kind of important to me too.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:48 PM
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   Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I watched 1 episode of Smallville, with Mark, while we ate, and that was fun. After that I decided I wanted to call Jeremy, which I did, which produced much smilage. I was getting dressed, while I talked to him on the phone, so I could take Jeff the DS9 dvds. I didn't return Smallville, because it turned out there were 3 more on the disc I needed to see. As I left for the video store, it became apparent that I'd be very close to where Jeremy was, and actually arrived at his parking space just as he did. That was very fortunate for us both; fortunate for me because I got quality Jeremy coolness, and fortunate for him because there was a scary guy in the parking lot! We drove back up to Aut Bar in our seperate cars, and talked and hugged, and talked some more. We got in my car, and talked in there. We are dating. Danny thinks so, and so does Jeremy, and I felt like we were, but I didn't want to call it that, in case we weren't. lol But we are, and that's way cool. We talked about a lot of important stuff. I told him what I wrote about Danny being important to me, because Danny is important to Jeremy, and I thought he was going to cry. ;-0) And Jeremy really doesn't care if I see other people, as long as I tell him about it... I'm not sure how I feel about that exactly. Part of me thinks it's awesome, and part of me...is confused. But we're talking about everything as openly as possible, and I like that.

I was worried that we'd talk so long, that I'd miss Jeff at Hollywood, so I asked Jeremy if he minded driving me to my work so I could drop off the discs, and he could meet some of my coworkers. He didn't have a problem with that, but he needed to call Danny to let him know where he was, so he wouldn't worry. I called Mark and did the same, and it was so funny. The conversations with had with them were very nearly the same, both in content and in length. It was like a scene from a really wacky comedy.

At Hollywood, I gave Jeff the DS9 discs, which he hugged me for. I introduced Josh to Andrea, Jeff, Pat & DJ. Andrea was glowing for us ;-0) DJ made me blush talking about me talking about Jeremy to him, saying that it was all good. It was cheesy fun. We headed out fairly quickly (I had brought my camera, but was too tweaked out to remember to take pictures - I mean tweaked in a non druggie kind of way!), and back to the Aut Bar. We talked a while longer, and I had pointed out that I have tomorrow off, so we're planning on hanging out tomorrow. First I thought Pizza House. Then I thought BEDROOM. But I've since remembered that Janice left some DVDs for me at my Grandma's house, and if I could go get those, he could see where I grew up and stuff, which might be cool. But the BEDROOM seems really tempting, as besides a possible window in which he might visit me at work Thursday or Friday, he'll be gone for the entire weekend, and I won't get any...Jeremy time. I'll play it by ear and see how it goes.

Jeremy told me that the other night, he had tried to catch up on my blog, and he was so tired that he put his head down on his desk and fell asleep there. And that when he woke up his neck really hurt from sleeping that way. He talked to me about how he became president of WRAP (by default), and how taxing & rewarding this volunteer work can be. I've always been tempted to volunteer there, but I thought it would be hell to be around him and not have him. Now I don't know that I'd have the time, or if being around him all the time would be good...or bad...or something. He talked about cutting hair, and how our wacky situation is opening up Danny on levels that have been closed off in the past, which reminded me of Ally McBeal. Seriously. On that show, Ally had a past relationship with Billy, and he had been the love of his life, and when she ran into him again, and had to work with him, he was married, and his wife came to work with them also. One of the things the wife said, was that since Ally had come into their lives, it had opened up the husband more, and actually improved their marriage on some level. It's not a perfect analogy, but it was close enough in my mind that I could kind of understand.

Anyways, we talked a lot - some of it fun, some of it very serious, and all of it good. I like him. I can't pretend that I don't, and I don't want to. I'm looking forward to spending more time with him. And I'm really tired. I'm going to attempt to get some sleep (though I'll probably fail for several more hours, which is fine).

Despite that horrible ticket thing, I've got really great friends. I've got some interesting new peeps in my life (one of which makes me smile a whole damn lot), a mostly fun job working with extremely fun people, and a roomie that has seen me at my best and worst, and still enjoys living with me. How cool is that? Life is pretty good.

Thanks everybody.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:07 AM
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   Friday, June 16, 2006

Wednesday morning I woke up coughing. I have this cough that hits me at night, but then goes away and I feel fine. It's weird. My sister thinks I might be allergic to something in my room, but I've been on my bed in my room when I wasn't sleeping and didn't have a problem. So...that's weird.

I got up, shaved & showered and whatnot. Jeremy called & said he'd be right over. I was watching Buffy, and just about to relax in our massage chair, but when Jeremy arrived I surrendered it to him, which he enjoyed. We chatted, and there was lots of smiling and all that... And he wanted to go to Pizza House which we had talked about maybe doing, and I was all up for that, but just as we were leaving my stomch got upset. I almost cancelled everything right there, which I'm really glad I didn't do, despite my discomfort. I wasn't able to eat the food I was so hungry for only hours before, but Jeremy was great about it; better than I was. He's so sweet.

When we got back to the condo, I stripped down to my shirt & underwear, and we sat on the couch and talked some more. Within all this conversation (throughout the day) I learned that Jeremy plays the piano (his whole family is very musical); he wouldn't mind going into theater. He hates Euchre. He loves "The Lord of the Rings" (he owns the extended editions on DVD just as I do), and fantasy in general, having read "The Wheel of Time" series by Robert Jordan, and at least some of Mercedes Lackey's "Velgarth Series". I've never read the former though I know of it, but I'm a big fan of the latter; a page of my site is devoted to that series; that page can be seen here.

Lets see...what else...He's never seen an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He's seen some Trek but not a lot, and knows next to nothing about DS9. I showed him a scene from the 22nd episode, "The Circle" to demonstrate why I love the show so much. He suggested we watch the first episode, but it's 2 hours long, and we only had a few hours to spend together; I told him I could loan it to him if he liked, though we didn't discuss that again.

Jeremy and I talk about a lot of intense stuff. Anytime I think I've maybe said too much, he comes out swinging, with revelations of his own. Some of these moments are funny, or touching. Others make me feel extremly protective of him, and his well being. He had to take a call from work, which was going on really long, so I...distracted him. I felt almost completely better by this time, and we...well...I'm sure you can figure it out. Greatness. I'd go into detail, but it's come to my attention that a lot of people have been reading my blog lately, which is flattering, but strange. lol

So after all the talking, touching, talking, touching, showering, touching, talking...Jeremy had to go to work. He'd told me that his friend Kim really wanted to meet me, and I wanted to see exactly where he worked, so I suggested that I go with him, and then I could walk home. So off we went. I met his coworker "Quin"(?), out on the sidewalk on our way in. She had this amazing top, which I commented on; I guess she does manicures and stuff. Jeremy led me through the Kerry Town shops which I'd always wanted to take the time to see, but never had. I used to know someone who worked in the coffee shop just below where he works, but I don't know if he still works there or not.

I met Kim, the receptionist, and we got along famously. I was just going to say hello to everyone and then leave, as Jeremy had to work, but he was cutting Kim's hair and she invited me to stay, so I did, which was a nice surprise. So I got to see Jeremy work, while I bonded with Kim. We both love movies, and we were naming off GLBT titles, and she hadn't seen "Claire of the Moon", which is this really extremely cheesy, cliche ridden lesbian drama from the early 90s, which despite (or maybe because of) it's many flaws, I happen to love. I told her I'd let her borrow it. She also asked me if I could take a bunch of pictures of her, so that she could have some cute pictures of herself. Oh, and this girl Lisa, who comes into Hollywood Video on a regular basis, also works there, which was a nice surpise (Bryan & Mark both claim I know everybody). Anyways, I had fun, and it was fun spending more time with Jeremy, and meeting some of his gaggle of friends.

After he was done for the day, he was going to Aut Bar to eat before his WRAP meeting, so I joined him for more conversation, while I waited for Mark to pick me up. This was all good. There was this moment, where someone he knew was obviously wondering how Jeremy & I knew each other, and Jeremy kind of ducked the non-spoken questions. He aksed me if that made me uncomfortable, and I asked him if it made him uncomfortable... He's knew to the dating a guy, while having a boyfriend thing. And it's hard for him to tell other people about it because they don't understand. His friends at work all knew about me already, but random people we run into do not. It's...kind of like dating a closeted man, which... You know, in retrospect it kind of sucked, but I didn't think it did at the time. And I was aware of all the stuff going on in Jeremy's brain, and I knew that it was hard for him, so it didn't/doesn't bother me as much as it might have. I know how Jeremy feels, or at least I think I do, and this is unknown territory for all of us...so, there's bound to be a period of adjustment.

Mark arrived just as Jeremy was off to his meeting, which was perfect timing. I told him about the day. I told him about my upset stomach and he urged me to see my doctor about all this acid reflux shit. You know, for 5 years I've lived with it being bad like this on a fairly regular basis. I know people that have had surgery to correct it; people that say it saved their lives...and I'm starting to get to the point where...I'm just so sick of having to deal with this all the time. I'm not sure I can do it anymore. Physically it's exhauting, and emotionally it's terribly taxing. And it makes everything so fucking complicated and difficult.

Later that night I googled Jeremy online, and I'm pretty sure I found his family address, which I wasn't looking for; but given the facts I know it made sense. There were actually a lot of hits; most of them having to do with his work with WRAP. I also found this interview filled with stuff that I already knew about; some of it I had only learned from him a few hours before. There was one bit that he hadn't told me yet, but I'll ask him about next time I see him...or perhaps I'll just let him tell me. "There will be many days..." as he has often said.

I got a call from Jonathan in Grand Rapids, while I was beating off. I told him I'd call him back. When I was finished, and showered, I called him back and we chatted for about an hour. It was great to hear from him, and let him know about everything that's going on here. He has a job now which he likes, and he & Shawn live in the same building as Shawn's brother & sister-in-law. He also talked to me about speeding tickets, and how you always get points on your licence, and that he once had about 11 points on his, which made me feel better, somehow. I later watched some Smallville, and then went to bed.

I woke up on Thursday with the worst headache, and took some midrin, which hit me fast and hard, which I was grateful for. I couldn't eat anything because I'm stomch is rejecting everything. There was a time when I could go a week without eating, and I wouldn't even notice. I know that I'm better now because I'm constantly hungry - which sucks when I'm not allowed to eat. A lot of this has to do with my diet lately; I've basically been eating everything I shouldn't for a month, and now I'm paying for it. But even when I'm not giving in to my cravings, the whole thing still mostly sucks. I need to make an appointment and then go to a specialist or something.

I later went to work, and rented another Smalleville disc; I'm nearly half way through Season 2; there are currently 5 seasons; soon to be 6. Work was dead. I got through to my lawyer and went over some stuff for the whole ticket fiasco, which also made me feel slightly better. It's possible that this whole thing will prove fruitless and I'll still have to pay everything, and suffer the memory of it all, but at least I'm trying to do something about it. We were so dead at work that they sent me out at 3:30pm. I went home to change, hung out for awhile, and then went to pick up Mark. I had decided that I'd stop by Jeremy's work to give Kim the movie I promised (along with "Relax... It's Just Sex", which I thought she would like. When I got there, Jeremy, Quin & Kim were at the front of the salon, along with another girl who I wasn't introduced to. Jeremy reintroduced me to Quin, but he seemed tired or uncomfortable...or something. I don't know what that was, and if we'd been alone I would have asked him. Kim was super happy to see me, and said shw was really excited to watch the movies. I guess she'd seen "Relax... It's Just Sex" before, and had loved it for exactly the reason that I thought she would. That made me feel good. I also gave her my phone # & e-mail so she could get in touch with me when she had time for pictures. Kim invited Jeremy along for the picture taking, which I didn't want to presume would be the case, and I'm not sure how all that went... I had to leave to pick up Mark, and Jeremy had a client arrive. He gave me a quick hug, and then I walked out. I walked through some different shops this time, and looked in a toy store, which had some stuffed animals that I might get for some friends. The Jeremy encounter left me in an odd mood; it was really strange, or had seemed strange, but maybe that's just because he was working or something. It looked like he was wearing the same shirt he'd been wearing the day before, but maybe he did laundry... Or maybe he has 20 of those shirts! ;-0) lol Who knows?

Mark had to stay over at work for about 20 minutes, which was really annoying. I was still feeling weird about the Jeremy thing, and I was achingly HUNGRY. I told Mark about wanting to have surgery to correct this, and that I was just really tired of it all. He agreed. And I was tired in general. When we got home I put on some soft music, turned the lights out, and slept for about 4 hours.

I later had some light foods; nothing too heavy or bad for my stomach, with water. Later still, around midnight, I went to the Aut Bar to see if any of my friends were there. There were people that I knew, but I was hoping for something more. I went to Meijer to see Frank, and get ones for Mark so he could take the bus tomorrow. I hung out with Rhonda, Sharon, Dorothy, Nona, & Gretchen. That was fun. I saw Frank's friend Shannon again, and met Emily, who is Wanda's daughter. I used to work with Wanda, so that was cool. Emily has a really nice smile. Frank looked crazy tired, and Rhonda & Sharon weren't feeling well, so I didn't stay much longer than was required; a little innuendo and I was out of there.

And then I wrote this. I'll probably watch an episode of Smallville, and then get some sleep. Or possibly reverse that... I'm tempted to finish of my roll of film, and get the last 2 developed this weekend, but I might yet hold out for more. I like getting a lot of film developed at the same time because it increases the chances of getting back good prints.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:41 AM
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   Saturday, June 17, 2006

Friday morning sucked. Whatever has been going on inside my body for the last 5 years exploded all over me. I couldn't keep water down. I was dizzy and freaked out. Mark was at work. I was supposed to go to work, and I couldn't get a doctor's appointment. I told Mark I was going to the emergency room. I didn't end up making it there though. I kind of passed out, which isn't surprising, since I haven't been able to eat anything lately. I don't know how I used to go for weeks without eating, because now I can't go for a few hours without craving something. I guess that's progress.

Anyways, I upped my prilosec intake, which appears to have helped. Once I was feeling a bit better, I showered & stuff, and picked Mark up from work (he had called my work and told them what was going on, as I was beyond help). We went to Whole Foods, and I got a bunch of stuff that should help with the whole stomch problem. And feel free to congratulate me because I tried a bunch of new things, and a few other things that I haven't had since I was a little boy. I ate peas out of the pod (I hate them frozen); I had a bagel (the first one in my entire life!); Fennel Tea (which I loved, by the way); & noodles, which I just couldn't eat because they were so bland; I'm hoping to find some kind of sauce that I can use that won't kill me. I also had some pretzels.

After all this I took a nap, and woke up with the worst headache I've had since High School. I took my last 2 midrin (we dropped off my refill perscription earlier), ate some more, and finished watching a Smallville episode that I'd started at work on Thursday. I had to wear my sunglasses because watching the tv was like staring into the sun. I took a long, scalding hot shower. The room was spinning, and I was seeing spots. My left arm went completely numb. These are symptoms I used to get all the time, which is why I had a lot of trouble in school, but my headaches haven't been this bad in many years.

I woke Mark up and he was way worried, probably because I sounded like a crazy person. Plus I get really emotional when I've taken my pills. The headache eventually passed though, and I was very calm. I talked to Mark about Jeremy & stuff. It was nice, if odd.

I got a lot of sleep today. I dreamt about "The Princess Bride", and when I woke up, I played the soundtrack on the computer, and went back to sleep. I worked on my webpage a bit; working on my friends pages. Later, I shaved and showered, and Mark & I took some pictures down in a park, and on some side streets. We'll take some more later, and I'll have 3 or 4 rolls developed on Monday. I also have a doctor's appointment on Monday, at 3pm. It's possible that I've been scheduled to work that day; I'll have to work that out somehow. I can't cancel the appointment, because I'll still have to pay for it. It's possible I could drop off my film in the morning, pick it up on my way to work, then go to my appointment at 3pm, and return to work, and stay a bit late. Or maybe I can switch with someone; if I'm even scheduled. I don't know...

I believe Jeremy is in Chicago today, with a friend, looking for furnature. Mollie is working tonight, and has another shift tomorrow, 4 hours after she gets off from tonight's shift; that must suck. I don't really have any plans...except more pictures. Tomorrow is Father's Day; I should go see Doug.

We'll be watching Mark's father's dog for 3 weeks; I think that starts on Friday. Not looking forward to that. I've never been an animal person. But I kind of like dogs. I love racoons! But I have some issues where pets are concerned, and don't get me started on the evil nature of cats. Best case scenario, I love the dog, and grow horribly attached to it. Worst case scenario, I hate the dog, and I'm forced to move out for several weeks. I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing, but it's probably nothing to worry about.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:55 PM
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   Sunday, June 18, 2006

I went to Aut Bar around 12:30am. Any time I feel like going out lately, I do. I've had all sorts of physical problems lately, but when I feel like I can work, or clean, or party, I jump. I spent time talking with James, Scott, Redcloud, Matt, Robert, Terry, Joseph, John, and a girl named Casandra. It was mostly fun. After I got home around 3am (after taking some pix of me with Casandra, and James), I read my e-mail, and worked on my webpage; the poetry 2006 section. Then I wrote this. It's about 4:20am...and I'm very tired. I should get some sleep. I'll call work later today to find out what I'm scheduled to work.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:19 AM
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   Monday, June 19, 2006

I got a lot of sleep Sunday; only I didn't. I mean, it felt like I got a sleep, when in fact I just got 8 hours, which should be normal, but somehow, isn't. I got ready for work early, but when I arrived, ontime, I learned I wasn't scheduled. I should have called first. They were super busy, and I offered to help, but Nate said not to worry about it. Joe & Andrea were also there. I guess they took Pat to the emergency room Friday night, and he has an ulcer in his colon, which sounds horrible! I hope he'll be alright.

I came back home. I responded to some e-mail. I played a game of Zuma. My computer needs a new video card so I can't play any of the games that I'd usually play (AVP, Diablo II, Freedom Force). Mark played Diablo II most of the day, which I thought was cute. ;-0) Mark watched Munich, and I worked on my webpage.

I kind of felt like going out, but City Club wasn't open on Sundays the last time I checked. Even Necto is usually closed, I think. The only club that I knew was open was Club Divine. Tracy called while I was getting dressed; he's in Chicago now. He told me to call him back on my way home. I knew that Jeremy probably wouldn't be there; even if he was back from Chicago, he'd most likely have the night off. I thought this might be a good time to check out the club on a Sunday to see what the music was like. He had once told me it was bad. But it wasn't bad. It was tragic. It was the worst music I've encountered in years. And there were maybe 10 people there, including the staff. I thought it had been lame when it was packed with frat boys, but this was worse. I stayed for maybe 3 minutes, then went to the pharmacy to pick up my perscription. Then I headed over to Aut Bar, where I chatted with Matt. The Matt part was fun, but everything else was boredom overload. I came home, called Tracy, who was at a club or something, and then I wrote this, while I had a snack.

I'm going to attempt to see my ex-gf Catherine, her son Avery, and possibly her husband Jason...that's on Wednesday. I'm pretty excited about that. I have a doctor's appointment today, which will hopefully get me some answers. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. I don't work on Thursday or Saturday. Hopefully I'll see Jeremy this week, sometime. Elvis actually wants him to cut her hair...or she said she did. So maybe I could visit with her while he does the hair thing. Elvis time would be fantastic.

And if DJ is reading this, I just want to thank you for being so thoughtful about the schedule this week, given what little you knew of what was going on with me on Friday! I'm so glad I don't have to juggle everything with work on Monday! That's a huge relief. I should go.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:14 AM
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   Tuesday, June 20, 2006

So, my doctor's appoinment on Monday went well. It was strange though because they gave me an eye exam, and then asked me a lot of strange questions, but it turned out that Mark had freaked out about my arm going numb Friday night, and had told them that I was also there to talk about my migrains, which I wasn't. I talked to my doctor about it, just to get her opinion, and she agreed that I simply suffered a fairly normal side effect of intense migrains. The rest of the visit went quickly enough. I got a referrals to Gastroenterology & Dermatology. The former, so that I can get some idea of what is going on inside my body. My acid levels are out of control, and I want to know what that's doing to me, and what I can do to prevent them. It's also possible that I have an ulcer. This was news to me, and doubly shocking only hours after learning that Pat from work was suffering from one. Why has this never been mentioned to me before? Also, I was told that I was taking my meds wrong, even though I followed their directions from years ago, which they have since changed their minds on. They should send out a memo or something. Anyways...The dermatology referral is for this random skin thing, which I've been told isn't harmful to me or anybody else; I just want it taken care of. I've had odd rashes my whole life; I had a really strange one on my neck for a year or 2, with all kinds of strange patterns; it was almost pretty.

Before I went to the Doctor, Mark & I had to trade the car, and so I had to go with him to the bank & the post office, and he had to go with me to drop off my film. I'm only pointing this out now, so that when I talk about picking up my film it will make sense. lol

Anyways, the doctor visit went well, and hopefully my insurance covers the visit this time. I swear that Mark told me that it didn't pay for my last visit, but now he doesn't remember that, and says he has no idea where the paperwork is. Maybe I'm just going crazy. It's not like it doesn't run in the family. As a matter of fact, when I picked up my film on the way to pick up Mark from work, there were a couple of the black & white pix that made me realize how much I still resemble my father. They're really good pictures though; I might have some of them framed for friends & family, even though Mark (who is his own worst critic) isn't impressed by them at all.

After we got home, I scanned all of the pictures, plus half a roll that I missed last time (about 90 pictures); it took me about 8 hours to finish the scanning. Then I started working on resizing the ones that people had requested seeing, and e-mailed those out. I posted 3 of the new ones on myspace, including one that I made into my main picture, which has already earned a positive comment from Chris; I love her. I also started working on a dedication page for Jeremy. I had a dentist appointment this morning, but I had to reschedule it, because my acid was pretty bad, and I couldn't deal with all those people in my mouth at the same time. My new appointment is on Thursday, next week. I continued working on my webpage for several hours, and got a call from Jeremy. He sounded tired, but it sounds like he had a blast in Chicago, and he said that he can visit my family with me on Monday, which I'm psyched about. I called Janice to tell her Monday's the day, and I'll stop by Hollywood later to put in my requests for Monday & Thursday off, plus I need to return Munich & some Smallville dvds that are due today. I haven't called on my referrals yet; I'll probably do those next week, as I don't think I'm free for anything until after that.

I eventually took a nap, which helped a lot. I then finished the webpage stuff (for now), and had a snack, then wrote this. I'm going to take a shower, and then go pick up Mark from work. I have to do an insane amount of laundry.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:12 PM
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   Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Mark & I watched some Smallville last night. The show is getting good again. Even when there a stupid plot point, there's always something interesting going on with the characters. I don't know how long it can sustain itself though; we'll see. I did some laundry, but I couldn't get to sleep, no matter how hard I tried. Sleep & I aren't on good terms lately. My doctor wasn't surprised about that, given my acid levels. I'm kind of trapped in this horrible cycle, but I just want off.

Pretty much everything that can go wrong today...has. I was supposed to visit Catherine today. It was another one of those big events in my mind that I've been excited about and it's pretty much fallen apart. It's not that big of a deal really; I'm sure we'll hang out sometime soon. It's just a disappointment. :-0(

The only good thing to happen today was the arrival of STAS V3, JL V2, & Superman: Brainiac Attacks. I haven't seen the movie, but I've seen all of the Justice League episodes and those are some of the best. The Superman episodes I've seen in this final set are fantastic, and this volume contains 9 other key episodes that I've been wanting to see for years. So that rocks.

I worked on my webpage some more; I started working on Mollie's friend page; updating it with new photos & stuff. I promised myself I wouldn't update my own photo section until November, but until then, I'm trying to update everyone else's. It's fun, and worthwhile; it lets my friends, family & other people informed on how my life is unfolding. It also distracts me when my stomach feels like it's going to implode.

I should call Encore and talk to Kim about possible pictures tomorrow. I should do a lot of things...like stop whining. I'm really glad I got those referrals from my doctor; I'm anxious to learn what's going on inside of me, but it freaks me out too, which I'd guess is fairly normal. That doesn't help though. What does help, is having so many cool people in my life that care about me, and are happy to spend time with me, when I'm able. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:15 PM
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My stomach has ceased to be my stomach. It has transformed into some kind of weapon of mass destruction. I'm calling that referral in tomorrow for the soonest possible appointment. It's not like this is new, exactly; I've been struggling with this for nearly 5 years, but I've had it. I'm so sick of not being able to plan things. I'm sick of a lot of things. It feels good to be angry.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:49 PM
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   Thursday, June 22, 2006

I'm feeling pretty good right now. My stomach's not bothering me at this moment, and I'm not taking that for granted. I'd go out, but I'm kind of tired.

I got a myspace message from Shawn last night saying that he misses me. That made me feel good, and I sent him a long response. He also asked for a link to my blog, which I provided, so maybe he'll be reading this later. Hey Shawn. ;-0) I told Mollie about this message, and she said that she'd spoken to him recently too, and that he wants to chat with her online. I love it when my people get along.

I talked to Jeremy. He was a bit freaked about meeting my family on Monday. I think he thought I was going to propose or something, but I explained that I just wanted to give him the tour, so he could understand me better, which seemed to make him feel a lot better. I then thought that the page I made for him might be further freaksome, but he said it made him smile, and that he really enjoyed the poetry. No one has given him poetry before. That was nice to hear. I'll see him on Saturday. Mark & I are going to Encore at 3pm for a big photo shoot with Jeremy & Kim; it should be fun. Then the family outing is Monday. Those both sound like fun things. Highly unlikely that we'll be...um...(I'm trying to find a nice way to say we probably won't be fucking...and failing). That sucks, as I'm uber-horny.

Sleepy Time.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:04 AM
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   Friday, June 23, 2006

I had a good night last night...mostly. I took a walk, which was nice, and I talked to Jeremy on the phone. I finished the 2nd season of Smallville. I think I'm going to take a break from the show, at least for a few days. Mollie helped me out in ways I can't thank her enough for. I went to Kroger and picked up some stuff.

Mark brought home his father's dog, Heidi last night. She smelled really bad, but Mark gave her a bath. I'm not an animal person. I don't hate them; I just don't want them around me. Heidi's cute though; she looks like a stuffed animal, or a small polarbear. I have no idea what kind of dog she is. Except I'd have to say she's really fucking annoying.

I went to bed around 6:30am, which is plenty of time for sleep before work. Mark took the bus to work this morning. Heidi woke me up barking at 8:30am. I tried to ignore her, but it was no good. I called Mark, and he suggested that I put her in his room, which I did, only she was now barking louder, and closer to where I was trying to sleep. I thought maybe she was lonely, so I left my bedroom door open. She smelled really bad again, and I just figured that's how dogs are. She was getting in my closet so I got up to close it, only to find that she shit all over the floor. All over it. A lot. Mark had let her out twice this morning.

So, I'm beyond tired. My acid reflux is going to be bad today because I haven't had enough sleep. I had to clean up dog shit from my floor and vacume and I think the dog has fleas or something; I'm itching. This is not cool. Mark had said something about keeping her at his dad's house, and just visiting her to take care of her. I was going to be cool, and try not to worry about it, but now I'm thinking that might be best. I'm so tired, and so pissed off right now - I was so excited about going back to work today, and now it's going to suck. And there's nothing I can do about it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:43 AM
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I stayed awake, and took care of the dog. I made it to work early, and the day was mostly cool. I used my humor to make everything less horrible. My acid levels didn't reach the monstrous proportions that I expected them to, which was a nice surprise. I worked with DJ, Bryan, Bill, Joe & Kyle. Last week, or the week before I helped this woman in the store who thought she was going to faint; she got really dizzy and sat down in the store. Bryan got her a chair, and when she came to the counter where I was working, I could tell she was still not herself. I talked her through a lot of it, and I talked to her 5yr old grandson Zach who was really freaked out. I bought her 2 bottles of cold water, and I walked them to their car, letting her lean on me. I offered to drive them home, but she said she was feeling better. I stayed and talked to them for quite awhile, because I wanted to make sure that she was ok before she drove off with Zach in tow. She seemed to be a lot better, and she said she lived very close by, so I said goodbye. Anyways - the point of all that, is she left a card for me at work last week which I only just got today, thanking me for all the help. It was a very long, descriptive card, and she said that Zach now referres to Hollywood Video as "Jason's Place". She found out the trouble she was having was medicine related, so we don't have to worry about her now. And when DJ (who was with me when I opened the card/letter) saw/heard what she'd said about me, he asked if he could keep the card for awhile so he could show all the district managers at some meeting within the next 2 weeks! The helping her just seemed like common sense at the time, but now it might help higherups look at our store differently, so that rocks.

I went to McDonald's after work. When I was little I used to go there constantly, but I seldom if ever go these days. It wasn't that big a deal, but it did the trick, and I didn't have any bad reactions to it, which was a nice surprise. I picked up Mark, and we rushed home to see what the dog had done now, but she seemed to have behaved herself while we were out. Mark wanted to go get the reflector for the photographs we're taking tomorrow, but decided to get it tomorrow before the pictures are taken. I went to bed (at last), while Mark & Heidi watched the new Stitch movie that comes out Tuesday. I rented a movie for myself, but I don't know that I'll actually watch it.

Now I'm awake, and considering going out. I don't know that I'm up for Necto. I could at least go to Aut Bar. If gas wasn't so expensive I'd maybe go to City Club. My myspace profile has been playing Dead Can Dance for a week, so that's put me in the mood... but I just changed it to 24 by Jem, in honor of the sure to be pretty (but probably very lame) Ultraviolet movie coming out on Tuesday; the song plays in the movie trailer.

Well, I'm off.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:53 PM
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   Saturday, June 24, 2006

Ok. Probably not going to a bar now. I kind of feel like reading. I'm really hungry though, and I might get some more groceries. Oh! I forgot about that. I bought these Froot Loops; the regular ones are kind of disgusting, but the ones with less sugar are ok. Anyways, when Heidi the dog was in my room she really liked the bag they were in, and ripped it open and got dog germs all over them - as in - they smelled like dog. I tossed those. I'm hungery. I'm looking forward to taking pictures of Kim tomorrow. Having my picture taken is fun, and though we got some kick ass pix last weekend, it was hot and horrible, and I had to change my clothes a bunch of times and pose in uncomfortable positions. I don't have to do that tomorrow. ;-0)

If I'm going to the store, I should do that now. Oh, and I've already changed my myspace profile music. I changed it like 6 times today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:37 AM
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Ok. So I did go to the bar. I only intended to stay for a few minutes, but I ran into Warren on the way in, who was chatting with this guy Chad. Chad was kind of cute, and he had a cool jacket, but he was leaving and I was just getting there, but when I entered the bar I didn't see anyone all that interesting. When I went to leave, Chad & Warren were still outside. I ended up chatting with them until Warren left, and then Chad & I went back into the bar to talk some more, until they closed, and then we chatted for another hour outside. I thought it was kind of chilly, and I wanted to go to Meijer, so he drove there too, and we chatted some more while I shopped, and then chatted for another hour in the parking lot at Meijer. We finally headed to our homes when the sun started coming up and the birds started chirping.

So Chad seems really cool. He's 25. His birthday is September 9. His full name is Chad Tilman Wiekert. He's from Illinois. He wants to be a mortician. He's moving home with his family while he goes to school. He's got a great sense of humor, and a fun way of rambling. I like his body, and his way of being... He lives very near where I work. But he smokes, which is annoying. And he gives good hugs. Which is a requirement. We might hang out on Sunday.

I have to get some sleep. Mark & I are hanging with Kim & Jeremy later. I don't know if Jeremy will be hanging out with me later or not. Both he & Mollie are coming with me to visit my grandmother (and other relatives & places of my youth) on Monday.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:39 AM
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   Sunday, June 25, 2006

I got enough sleep on Saturday, before getting up, eating, getting ready, and going to take pictures with Mark, Jeremy & KIM (she being the most important person there). My stomach had been fine on Thursday & Friday, but I was worried that it might be messed up again, only it wasn't, which made everything 10 times better. Hanging out with Kim was a blast! She's had some really hard times lately, and this was more fun for her, than she's had in a long while, and she was just glowing! It was fabulous. We got what we hope will be some amazing pictures of her, but we won't know until their developed; then comes the painfully boring scanning process, of which I've done far too much of lately. But it's for a good cause.

Jeremy had to leave us early because he had games night at WRAP, plus some training to do. We were going to meet up later, which I was all kinds of happy about, but we wanted to take full advantage of the sunlight while we still had it, so we did, and we cut it really close. After we dropped off Kim, who was just so happy that it almost broke my heart, I got a call from Jeremy saying that it looked like it was just going to be us (Mark, Jeremy, Kim & I). Kim had to go home and let her dog out, but was going to call us to let us know if she could return and hang out with us... Mark drove us the block to the WRAP building, but I was still on the phone with Jeremy and could hear someone enter the building...Jeremy said: "Hello Danny.". And that pretty much killed all of our plans.

I was beyond disappointed. I almost cried. It was just really frustrating to be that close and then have to walk away. Jeremy said I should come over and say hi as Danny was in the basement, and we chatted briefly. It really only made it worse, except for when Jeremy expressed his annoyance; which made me feel slightly better. And I don't dislike Danny; I don't! And I know it will take time for all this strangeness to be less strange... But in my head I was thinking that he'd had Jeremy all fricking week! I enjoy being close to Jeremy, but not being able to touch him, kind of drives me insane. So...I was disappointed, and less than happy. And we left.

I dropped Mark off at Taco Hell, then went to Hollywood to return our DVDs and rent Ultraviolet, which Mark wanted to watch. Then I went to Kroger as we were out of water, and I got a Star Wars Insider magazine. Then I picked up Mark and we headed home. I ended up working on my webpage quite a bit. Not just on things that you can see when you go there, but also preperations for updates later in the year, which I'm really excited about, but the whole process of working to get there is really dull. I'm trying to make the Friends & Family section as interesting and developed as possible. It's now the Family & Relatives section, as my friends are my family more than my relatives are. It should be really cool when I'm done.

I worked on the webpage until about 6am, then went to sleep. I slept for 8 hours again, which was wonderful. I showed Mark the updates on my site, then noticed I had voicemail from Chad. I gave him a call to let him know that I probably wouldn't be over to his house before work, but that I'd like it if he visited me. He told me he sent me a text message last night (note to those reading this - don't send me text messages - I won't get them! lol). He told me about the message which was really adorable. He had also been to my webpage and read what I wrote about him in my blog, which took some effort I'm sure, since he doesn't have the internet at his house. He also asked Redcloud about me, and Redcloud said that had meant to introduce us as he thought we'd get along. Nice. I told Chad about Jeremy, and my recent dating adventures, and what I was looking for and all of that, and he said he'd stop by Hollywood tonight, and possibly rent "Batman Beyond - Return of the Joker: The Original Uncut Version", which I had talked to him about. If he's reads this later he should check out my DCAU page, which as links to even more info. I'm looking forward to seeing him. Our conversation was fun, and honest, and it was all good.

During our conversation, Mollie called me, and I lost Chad, who later called back. But what Mollie told me was that she used this Hair Gleam stuff, along with some hair remover cream (elsewhere) and she's now in horrible pain from head to tow. She was crying, and it was so sad! I just called her crying about stuff the other day, so this what friends do for each other, and I'm glad she called me ;-0) She cancelled our plans for tomorrow, which is so very understandable and then had to go. It was just...it really sucks, and I wish there was something I could do for her.

So I'm taking Jeremy (and not Mollie) to see a bunch of my relatives tomorrow. Hopefully it all goes smoothly, and I'll get to see my family, and Jeremy will get to see a mini-tour of my life. I like sharing info like this with him. I think he'll get a lot of stuff that others might not. We'll see.

So, now I've eaten, and talked to people, and updated my blog. I'm going to chill out, probably stroke off (as I haven't done that in far too long) and then shower & shave & stuff so I can be on time for work. Sounds good.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:57 PM
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   Monday, June 26, 2006

I was on time for work, and it was kind of busy for a Sunday night. I worked with Nate, Kyle & Andrea, while Tara (who used to work with us) stopped by for a visit. I got a picture taken with Tara, and another one with Nate & Andrea (taken by Chad, who visited me at Hollywood just as he said he would). Chad opened an account and rented Batman Beyond & Underwold: Evolution. He also told me I could call him anytime this week after 5pm. He actually came back into the store after leaving to tell me that part. The night seemed to drag in some places, while going by very quickly in others.

I got out fairly quickly, and realized that I hadn't given Chad the cd I made for him before work, so I gave him a call, and drove over to his apartment. I was only there for about 10 minutes, but he got his cd, I got to see his place, and I got a really good hug goodbye. He has a lot of Star Wars stuff, and is apparently a big fan, though he hasn't read any of the books; he doesn't read much. I commented on some of the stuff in his place, and several of the things weren't his, but his ex-bf, who was his boyfriend only a few weeks ago. That's a bit iffy, but not too worrysome.

After heading home, I had a snack, and actually went to sleep. I slept until a little after 3am. I got up to find Mark sleeping on the couch with the dog. I finished burning that last batch of pix to cds (took forever) and then saving the resized jpgs for my webpage, before deleting the full sized psds from my computer, which also took forever. I only finished a few minutes ago.

Mark is getting ready for work; he's taking the bus so I can have the car. I need to get ready, call Jeremy and get this show on the road...or something like that. I'll probably be really tired later. I should also have most of Kim's photos developed later, which means the slow, annoying scanning process can begin. I'll most likely have the rest of her pix developed later in the week, possilby tomorrow - as some of her pix are on the roll that currently resides within my camera.

Gotta get moving.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:11 AM
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   Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Yesterday was mostly great, despite my being really exhausted later in the day, and my stomach rebelling against said lack of sleep. I dropped off the film for Kim, and went to a flower shop to get flowers for Grandma & Janice, but the flowers were hideous! I finally saw some pretty flowers peeking around a corner...and they turned out to be fake. lol.

I picked up Jeremy from his house, which was cool, because I got to take the tour (cats & all). It was all good. There was Jeremy kissage. And he showed me his garden, and the fence that he & Danny have been working on... It was all so cute! So, I took him to my Grandmother's house, with converation, and neck rubbing (thank you), and I gave a little tour of my life. Things like homes where relatives live/lived, my old church, the first spot a made out with a boy, the farm, places I used to screw around with my cousins; that kind of stuff. I introduced him to my Grandma & Grandpa, my sister Janice, and her kids: Justin (who is 12 and getting so big), Jordan, Jillian, and Jonathan...and Janice's niece Brooke.

I think we had a great time. There was singing, and a recording of me singing (my Grandma is evil!)... There was a trip to the Little Caesars in Saline (my first job). There were family pictures, and stories, and he got to see the horror that is my mother's house. And it was great to share all that with him, because he's shared a lot with me. We have this whole give & take that I find very satisfying.

Eventually Janice and the kids had to head out. Jeremy & I stayed and chatted with Grandma some more, before I headed back to Jeremy's house. The idea was that he'd get his car, and we'd head back to my condo to try to get some sleep, as I was obviously exhausted, and he needed to be in A2 later for WRAP anyways. But the idea of me trying to sleep in bed with Jeremy when we haven't had a chance to really touch each other in something like 10 days had me pointing out that even in my exhausted state I'd probably get very little sleep in such a scenario. And my stomach was troubling me...so I figured alone time and rest was the order of the day (as did Jeremy).

Except, Jeremy dropped this bomb of a statement that got me out of the car, and into his house, and all over him. I was still a little worried about my stomach being unhappy, but that quickly faded as I was happily distracted; Jeremy is the devil! I'll spare you the TMI details, and just say that stuff happened that I had thought might never happen, and we were both very pleased by this development. Roar.

I headed home shortly after that, all glowy...even though my shirt now had evil cat fur on it, and I was even more tired. When I got home I showered, and got dressed to pick up the film and Mark, but had a little time to spare. I was coughing a lot, which I sometimes do because of the acid problems, but it was getting worse, and I think it had a lot to do with being around multiple cats all day, as I'm quite allergic. I took some cough suppressant, which made me even more sleepy, and actually fell asleep sitting in our massage chair.

I woke up about 15 minutes later, realized I needed to leave ASAP to get the pictures. I also stopped at Hollywood Video to get my schedule, because I couldn't remember what days I have off this week. I have Wednesday, Thursday & Saturday off. I work today & Friday. Sounds good. I picked up Mark, and we looked at the pictures, which we're happy with, though we want to see the ones that are still in my camera (I need to finish that roll off); I'll start scanning them soon enough.

When we got home I went straight to my room and went to sleep for 3 hours. I woke up, called Kim to give her an update (on her voicemail/answering machine), and then called Chad, as I'd talked about calling him after 5pm at sometime, and it was now nearly 10pm. We chatted for awhile, and we might hang out later in the week. I read my e-mail, and the news, and then ate, while watching JLU. And then I wrote this.

I may scan some pictures before going back to bed, or I may put that off until tomorrow night. I don't know yet. I'm playing it by ear.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:43 AM
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I did end up scanning some of the pictures, but I stopped as soon as I got tired, instead of pushing on as I usually do. I slept from around 5am to 11:30am. I have to be at work at 1pm. My stomach feels weird, but when doesn't it? Mark is here because we're getting free digital cable and the guys are supposed to come here to install it, and I was going to be asleep. That's really all the news I have. I'll work today, and scan more pictures after work & rest. That's my plan anyways.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:54 AM
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   Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I was late for work on Tuesday. My stomach was doing something; I still don't know what, but I wanted to make sure I was good before going to work, and everything eventually calmed down. Jeremy called me from Encore (with Kim in the background) - telling me that Kim wanted him to call and ask about the pictures! lol. I would have loved to talk to them both more, but I had to get to work, fast. Work was slow, but fun, with Bryan, Bill, Joe & Jeff. I started the 3rd Season of Smallville on my break, and was happy to see that it was an improvement over the semi-lame 2nd season finale. I rented the first 3 discs of season 3 before picking up Mark.

On the way to pick up Mark there was a phone call that I didn't answer because my cell was in the bottom of my bag. When I got to Mark's work I checked my voicemail, and I had 7 messages. Apparently when I was in Milan on Monday, and out of range, I'd gotten several messages, and then another one just now. Some of them were from Carrie, who had sent me some e-mail messages wondering why we haven't talked lately, but I wasn't mad at her; just tired when I got the e-mails. I called and left her a message letting her know things were cool. The call I missed while driving was from Chad, who had seen me turning on to Liberty! It's weird, because when I was turning onto Liberty, my friend James was crossing the street, and I was trying to get his attention, but he didn't see me; while at the exact same time, someone else had spotted me and I didn't see them. lol I called him back but got his voicemail, and left him a message.

Mark needed to go to Meijer. We're over budget. I didn't even get any budget money this week, as I "owed" Mark $250.00, and gave him $100.00. This is money that I never would have needed to pay, if I owned my own car. Oh wait, I do. Only I don't. It's in title only. Something Mark assured me wasn't true, until push came to shove. But enough about that; I don't like to think about it as it just pisses me off, and makes me grumpy. But obviously it still bothers me; maybe I need to write another poem. lol

When we got home, I scanned some more pictures until I was tired (around 10pm), then slept until 3am. I scanned more pictures, but started posting them as I finished different locations. I'm actually really proud of the way I handled all this work; I felt very organized. I did finish the page and the cd for Kim, but only after about 15 hours of mind numbingly tedious work. I was happy with the results, but exhausted from the effort. You can see the finished (for now) page here; what a difference a week makes. I tried to go to sleep, but the damned Heidi dog wouldn't allow it. It sucked. But I got my 2nd wind, and decided to head to Encore; thinking that Mark would be getting Heidi on his lunch, and I'd have a quiet bed to return to when I got home.

I walked to Encore, which was fun, and it was so gratifying to hear the joy in Kim's voice as she talked about finally finding pieces of herself to love, that have been absent from her for so long! That made all the hours, and cash worth it; that and getting to know her at all made it all worth while. She had seen some of the pix that I had posted, and Jeremy had printed up the others for her (awwww!). Jeremy eventually came to the front of the store, and this was the first I'd seen of him since driving away from his house on Monday, and the sparkage was overwhelming. He had this wicked smile, and this glow, and I know I was smiling, and Kim made some comment about all this, but then I was hugging him so hard that it just kind of drowned everything else out.

I eventually walked Jeremy over to WRAP where there was a little kissing and a lot of talking and looking and other wonderful things. Sam White showed up later, but Jeremy had forgotten the strangeness of this moment. We went to the basement, Jeremy & I...and I retold him that I had gone out with Sam back in January, but that he'd gotten a little weird afterwards & I had to call it quits. We had a really good date, with some great conversation, and some nice kissing at the end...I even wrote him a poem, but before we could go out a 2nd time he started going on about how I was his boyfriend (after 1 date), and that September was going to be a great month for us; it just creeped me out.

I pulled up a chair and there was still more conversation. I love hanging out with Jeremy. We have a lot in commmon, and there are parts of our lives that we talk about that usually freak people out, but we don't get freaked about it because we've both experienced it; it's really refreshing. I love hearing about his past, and his present. And this may sound weird, but I like to hear about Danny; how they met and happy times. Today I learned that Danny doesn't like to be called Dan, and that Jeremy doesn't like to be called Jerry. lol.

Oh, and I let Jeremy borrow the first 2 seasons of DS9. He asked me if this was a show that I wanted him to watch with me, and I actually thought it would be cool if he watched it on his own, or with Danny, as Danny is a huge Trek fan. There are 2 episodes that I had once mentioned wanting to see with him ("The Visitor" & "Rejoined") but if he's going to start from the beginning, there isn't as much of a point to that. I had wanted to see those with him, so he could see how amazing the show is. I could still watch those with him later. If he likes the show, that's great, and if he doesn't, it's not a big deal. But either way, there are some fantastic episodes that I hope he gets to see. First season episodes I love include "Emissary, Parts I & II", "Dax", "Progress", "Duet" (an all time favorite of mine), & "In The Hands of the Prophets". "Past Prologue" is also fun with Lursa & B'Etor, and the introduction of Garak! ;-0) Ok, I'll stop rambling about Trek now.

So it was a little after 3pm, and Jeremy had a client at 3:30pm. I was getting hungry, and the thought of walking back to the condo was less appealing than it had been earlier, and I asked Jeremy if he would mind giving me a ride home. He didn't mind, and after getting to the condo, and calming down Heidi (who was still at the condo), and both of us using the bathroom, there was more kissing / wanting / lusting / kissing. lol I really, really wanted him to stay, but I knew he had to go.

I tried to sleep (again) after he left; fearing that eating would result in major acid, having not slept. Heidi again refused to allow this. I was beyond annoyed. Mark eventually arrived home, around 7pm; walked the dog, and took care of her. I got a message from Kim asking for help getting her pix off the disc I gave her. I let Mark handle this, but she'd figured it out on her own. We both got to talk to her, and we both got to express how happy we were that she was happy.

Mark called work and he's taking the dog in with him tomorrow. I have a dentist appointment at 9am. It will probably be a longer appointment than I'm used to; they're replacing two of my fillings; this will be my last dentist appointment of the year, save a possible cleaning in November. I can't eat before going or my acid will suck beyond the telling of it. But at least I know I'll be able to sleep afterwards. It would be nice if I could Jeremy too, though I don't know if that's possible.

I got a myspace message from Jason Brooks; an old friend of mine. He wants to hang out sometime soon, which sounds like a lot of fun. I hope we can work that out. I'm also still trying to find the time to see Catherine and her family. So much to do!!! Hopefully everything works out with everybody.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:36 PM
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   Friday, June 30, 2006

As I'm typing this, my neighbors have been fucking, and then talking really loudly, and then apparently fucking again, and there are still noises coming from there, and I've no clue what they're doing now. These guys pound on my wall, when I'm watching tv, with it turned down so low that I can't make out what's being said without the subtitles on, but they've never pounded while I was fucking, so I cut them some slack. Plus they usually fuck in the morning, when I really don't care, and it's not really bothersome sound - but they were really banging the wall tonight. ;-0)

My dentist appointment was so strange. I was worried that my stomach would be all messed up, but it wasn't bad. I had eaten around 4am, to try to fend off hunger before going, which seemed to work. But I thought I was having some of my fillings replaced, when in fact I was having a cavity filled. Now, my dentist is kind of odd; friendly odd, but on this morning he just seemed really out of it. Not in a dangerous way, but he seemed...kind of lost. I asked about it, and he must have heard me because he later told me that if he seemed out of it, his wife wasn't sleeping, and they were buying a house, and also, someone wasn't at the office that was supposed to be, and so things were really hectic. I tried to get him to relax a bit... They left me sitting while they did something else, for about 40 minutes. That's very odd, as I'm usually taken care of right away. And I was actually at the office early & I got in about 15 minutes after I was scheduled, when they usually just take me early.

Then the weirdness continued. They couldn't get my mouth numb for the procedure. I discovered this when they started drilling and I could really feel it. That happened again after another shot. And later, after another. They gave me at least 4, possibly 5. When I drove home my whole face was numb; a sensation I'd never felt before. I watched a Smallville episode and went to sleep, which was great! To actually be able to sleep when I'm tired is an experience that I've been deprived of since Heidi the dog invaded my life.

When I woke later, from a dream about Jeremy & Danny...mostly about Danny, which was weird, I was energized; excited about some new projects, and really, really hungry. My face was still slightly numb though it had been hours since my appointment. I knew not to eat while my face was numb, as I could bite my tongue or lips or cheek, and not feel it - so I hadn't eaten since 4am. I remembered that Jeremy had said he'd call me, so I beat him to the punch and left him a message asking if he would like to go to Red Robin after work with Mollie, Mark and I. Then I called Mollie and left her a message. Then I called Mark, but had to let him go as Mollie returned my call, and she & I traded horror stories about dentists, which made me laugh a lot. Mollie still isn't up to going out, poor girl, but she said she was about to take a bath, read a book, and watch Breakfast On Pluto. Jeremy later called me back and was up for food, so I picked up Mark from work, we dropped off the dog, and then met Jeremy at Red Robin.

Mark & I actually arrived at Red Robin about 20 minutes before Jeremy (thanks to a really slow driver he was stuck behind), and I ordered my food before he arrived because I'd been hungry for hours. Mark waited for Jeremy, and we had fun hanging out. I like that Jeremy & Mark get along so well, and they apparently like it too. We talked about stuff. Jeremy has been going by Jeremy since going off to school in 95. He was dating Danny before his mom found out he was gay by searching through his planner - and her parental methods are so twisted that I could kill her...with my hands...um...that's not a confession. lol (She's a manipulative bitch, in case you didn't catch that). Danny called during the dinner, or just after it, and I sent out an invitation for him to join us - I actually considered inviting him earlier, but didn't; he declined but said thanks. He had plans to help his friend Mark move out of the gay frat, I think it was? This whole scenario is so unusual that I don't know if it's normal to worry about Danny like I do...but I do. I just want everybody to be ok, but I can't really control that, so it strikes me as really stupid. lol

After food and conversation we walked over to Pier 1, which was way lamer than we expected, but thanks to our mutual companionship, it was mostly fun. We then went to Pet Co., with Jeremy driving, as Mark wanted to get Heidi supplies. Jeremy talked about not being an animal person, which was nice to hear, as when I usually say things like that, people look at me like I'm evil. We spent a disturbing amount of time looking at, and discussing special bags to carry dog shit. It was all too wrong. When we left, Jeremy knew one of the cashieres; a cute, very young looking girl. And Jeremy gave Mark a quarter for a gum ball; he got pink, which is apparently his favorite.

We put the pet stuff in the car, then walked over to Borders where Jeremy got a book, and I finally got the 4th Harry Potter movie. Colleen was there. She seemed deeply afraid of me, which made me not insult her, as I was laughing too much. Jeremy has read a lot of Terry Brooks; some Andrea Norton, and Mary Zimmerman Bradley. These are random things that probably nobody cares about but me. lol

On the way back to the car, Jeremy said that he & Danny had watched the pilot episode of DS9 the night before (Emissary, Parts I & II), and that they'd be watching the next episode tonight. I told him that the Duras sisters were in that episode, and that it introduces Garak; Mollie's favorite character. I hope he actually enjoys the show. The first season is...well, a first season, and Trek shows tend to not be that great at first. Though the 20 episode season does have some winners, and I hope he makes it to "Duet", as that's a shining example of great DS9, and great Trek, period.

I gave Jeremy a kiss goodbye. Don't know when I'll see him again. He can't stop by to see me at work today as he'll still be at work. Too bad, because that would be nice. I'm enjoying him quite a lot. The drive home was quiet; I was actually tired. I slept when I got home, and woke up around 2am, just before the neighbors started their percussive bang-a-thon, which has since quieted to slight random movements, and I assume, some post-orgasmic yawns. I drank some herbal tea with my prilosec, and wrote this.

I work today. I'm going to return disc 1 of Smallville, Season 3, and rent Basic Instinct 2. I'm not kidding, but it's ok if you laughed. lol I have no plans tonight or tomorrow, which I have off. I probably close on Sunday. I may or may not have the 4th off; if I do, I have plans with Carrie & company, which Jeremy was invited to, but I'm pretty sure he's got plans; he's gotta work on his fence. I may eat something soon. I have no idea what I'm going to do now. I might jack off, as I haven't done that in days, again; what's up with that? Perhaps it's because with the J man around I haven't felt the need to spend time with the porn chronicles. Or it could just be some very random thing.

I haven't heard back from Chad, who Mark thinks I should go out with. I haven't spoken to Frank. Tracy never called me back, which I expected, as he was wasted when he told me he would... And Jennifer, who called me around 3pm yesterday & let me go as I was sleeping, never called me back, though she said that she would, which, sadly, I also kind of expected. I need to get in touch with her, and Catherine, and Jason Brooks. I need to stay connected.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:46 AM
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I think I just realized something about myself; about my memory. I remember things very clearly; things that people tell me; things that people probably shouldn't remember... But I don't remember things like that when I'm at ease with someone. If I'm comfortable with someone, then this "muscle" I've developed relaxes a bit, because I don't have to be the memory for the two of us. I don't have to remember everything; don't have to be the repository for all that remains of these people like I was for the hospital children. That's when my memory really started getting scary. So when I first meet people, I remember every detail that falls from their lips, afraid that they'll leave and what they shared with me will be lost... And later, when I feel they probably aren't going anywhere soon...the muscle relaxes and I forget all kinds of things, which would have been horrific to me years ago, but now strikes me as being kind of wonderful. Wow.

I don't know where that came from, but I hope I remember it. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:05 AM
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