Thursday, May 1, 2008

I picked Mark up from work on time, and we got pizza (which was really good). Jordan didn't stop by; he just bought a new charger, and will get the old one when he comes back. Mark & I watched 2 episodes of Batman Beyond while we ate. I'd never seen the first one, which was really good. The 2nd one was good also, but I'd seen it on vhs years before. After we were done Mark helped me with some test runs on this avi program, which turned out to be kind of crappy. I started reading The Subtle Knife, and went to bed around midnight. I woke up around 7am. I read the news, and made some lists before heading to the grocery store for a few things.

I'm not sure what I'm doing today.

Bully
by Michelle Featherstone

Go ahead,
You can stare all you want at me
You can rip out my dignity
Take all that you need

Go ahead,
You can kick me when I am down
And when I’m lying here on the ground
You can take me out

I won’t….
I won’t….
I won’t….
I won’t care

Go ahead,
You can label me as some kind of freak
You can laugh and point fingers at me
While I lay at your feet

Go ahead,
Try and squeeze one more drop out of me
Let’s just see how much more I can bleed
Take whatever you please

I won’t….
I won’t….
I won’t….
I won’t care
I won’t care
I don’t care
I don’t care
At all

Go ahead,
When you are finally through with me
I won’t need your pity
Watch me rise from the ash

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:03 AM
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Something's wrong with my jaw. I have TMJ pretty bad, but I can't open up my jaw as wide as I usually can, and when I try it hurts like hell! I took some of the pills my doctor gave me for neck spasms, with Motrin. Maybe that will help. I'll try to relax...and if it stays this way I'll make a doctor's appointment. This has happened once or twice in the past, but not in a very long time, so I'm kind of freaked out.

Wish me luck.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:35 AM
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I did the relaxation thing. Along with the drugs, I took a hot shower, had a snack, and I slept. I just woke up about 10 minutes ago, and the first thing I did upon waking was to test my jaw, and it's back to normal! :-0)

The thing is, I talked to a doctor more than a decade ago about maybe fixing my jaw, as my TMJ is so bad...my jaw pops all the time, and I'm sure it gives me some of my worst headaches... But the doctor told me that that the TM joint is the only joint in the human body that moves both up & down, as well as forward and backward, making it extremely risky to mess with, even in the name of fixing it. People have had some success with it, but there are others who have come away from such surgeries in far worse condition than they were in before the surgery. He said that because of that, they don't like to mess with it if at all possible, and that as long as it didn't mess with my life too badly, it was probably best to leave it as is... but that if something changed, and it got so much worse that it changed my quality of life to the degree...that even though I knew the risks, that an operation that could make my jaw worse would finally be an option. If my jaw had stayed fucked up like it was this morning...I would have had the surgery.

My jaw wouldn't open wide enough for me to have toast...let alone cock :-0) That would be annoying. And it was painful. In my head I was already arguing with the doctors for massive amounts of high grade pain killer...which usually I don't do.

Anyways...I'm back on track now...and will hopefully stay there.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:48 PM
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I just worked out a new Doctor Whoniverse Episode Guide, and if there's a special mini-episode this season, then this year's Christmas Special will be the 800th installment of the Doctor Whoniverse. If not, then whatever episode serves as next season's premiere episode will have that distinction. I do hope though, that we get to 800 this season, as it's the 30th Season of the show, and it would be a nice milestone. I also noticed that every 10th Season seems to bring back more and more old faces to the series. The 10th Season of the series (which aired in the years 1972 & 1973) we had our first multi-Doctor story, "The Three Doctors" - which introduced the villain Omega, who returned in the 20th Season. Actually, every story of Season 20 featured an enemy from a previous Who story. And the currently airing Season 30 has an amazing number of returning characters, which I've listed before, but apparently remains incomplete, as I've heard rumblings of still more surprise characters, such as Harriet Jones!

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:18 PM
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I just worked out a new Doctor Whoniverse Episode Guide, and if there's a special mini-episode this season, then this year's Christmas Special will be the 800th installment of the Doctor Whoniverse. If not, then whatever episode serves as next season's premiere episode will have that distinction. I do hope though, that we get to 800 this season, as it's the 30th Season of the show, and it would be a nice milestone. I also noticed that every 10th Season seems to bring back more and more old faces to the series. The 10th Season of the series (which aired in the years 1972 & 1973) we had our first multi-Doctor story, "The Three Doctors" - which introduced the villain Omega, who returned in the 20th Season. Actually, every story of Season 20 featured an enemy from a previous Who story. And the currently airing Season 30 has an amazing number of returning characters, which I've listed before, but apparently remains incomplete, as I've heard rumblings of still more surprise characters, such as The Judoon & Harriet Jones!

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:24 PM
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I'm catching up on Smallville; I've watched 4 & 1/2 episodes; I've got 1 & 1/2 episodes left, and there's a new one on tonight. There is a character on the show that I think Mollie would love, but I don't think she'd watch the whole show just for him. She's actually caught an episode here or there though... It's a lot like Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Sometimes it's not as smart as Buffy though. But every few episodes there are big events that make it worth watching.

Mark's still not home. He's working late. I hope he's ok. I was going to go to my mom's house to spend time with her and my sister, but Mark sounded like he needed to get this stuff done, so I let him get to it. I'm going to have a snack and continue on with the show. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:50 PM
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Mark's home. And Mark is funny.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:22 PM
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   Friday, May 2, 2008

I'm all caught up on Smallville. I actually rewatched the pilot episode, and was surprised to see how well they've brought back the continuity from those days. Nifty.

In other news...Zombie Jason has returned. I've managed to overcome some of the nasty side effects of the drug, with much effort, but the zombie side is still with me. It's taken hours of thought to get me to this keyboard and typing this entry. There's so much more I want to do...but then just looking around seems much more important.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:04 PM
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   Saturday, May 3, 2008

I've been burning dvds (for myself) and cleaning. The dvds are discs of tv shows I've had on the computer for far too long, and need to delete. I also need to burn some Doctor Who dvds for Wendy, who might be stopping by tomorrow, though I haven't spoken to her.

While taking a break from all that, I noticed some flaws in my new Doctor Who episode guide, and when I fixed them I came away with a brand new perspective on the currently airing Season 30. If the upcoming episode "Midnight" is Part I of a larger story, then it will also be the 800th episode of the Whoniverse. If however it proves to be a stand alone episode (which I seriously doubt that it is), then the 2nd season finale of Torchwood will be the 800th episode. I'd be happy with both outcomes, but I'm expecting "Midnight" to hold on to that distinction. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:37 AM
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I watched the new BSG. Less than 24 hours until Doctor Who. Corey should be here today as well. Possibly Wendy. I'm gonna stop taking the pills every day. Every other day should be fine. I just can't deal with the zombie side effects, which I'll gladly report to the doc.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:34 AM
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Looks like I'll be seeing Wendy & Corey today. Cool. I cleaned my room. I scrubbed the toilet. I'm finishing up my laundry. I did the dishes. I have take out the trash. I need to shave & shower & eat. I need to watch the new Doctor Who (which I've confirmed is Part II of III), but the damned thing hasn't been posted yet! Erg.

I got a text message from Jordan last night, telling me he was thinking about me.

Ooh. I want to see the new 'Brideshead Revisited'!

I miss Michael. But I miss a lot of people these days... It seems like I never see enough of anyone; even Mark, and I live with him. Perhaps I'm just selfish.

I set 'The Subtle Knife' aside. I'm finding this one far more dull than I did the first one, which I'm sure Mollie will find quite impossible... And I decided I'd concentrate (for now) on only the Trek books that I really HAVE to read before the new massive crossover event takes place around October. Then I can go back to reading the others in whatever order I please.

Anyways...I've got things to do.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:04 PM
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   Sunday, May 4, 2008

I got everything done before Corey showed up. Things went really well. I had a huge meal before he arrived, just in case my stomach was going to screw me over, but I wentt with Mark & Corey to get food at Long John Silver's - where the wait for food was bordering on never-ending. We also went to Staples to buy a shredder and tape, the post office, and Hollywood to get my schedule; I work today, Tuesday & Friday.

On the way back to the condo I heard back from Wendy, and she met us at the condo. She brought her boyfriend Jeff with her to meet me and Mark, and Corey, who she'd never met. It was a good time. There was much talk about Mollie, and how much we all miss her.

Wendy & Jeff eventually left. I liked Jeff. He's cute, and funny, and sweet. Wendy will be moving to Texas for school in August...which means I'll probably see her even less often. Bummer.

Corey, Mark & I watched the new Whos, before we all went to bed. Corey & I bunked together, as we always do, and I slept for awhile, but woke up hungry. I had a snack, and now I'm waiting for stomach to settle so that I can lay back down and sleep. That won't be for awhile yet, which is too bad, as Corey is sleeping right behind me, and it would be fun to cuddle. I guess his boyfriend went to the prom last night with some girl he's hot for. wacky.

While I ate, I read the first 105 pages of then Next Generation book "Resistance". I'm enjoying it so far.

I'm tired.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:47 AM
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I layed down to sleep shortly after the last entry. I woke up shortly after that, sick to my stomach. Corey left shortly after that as he had to be to work. I've spent the whole day feeling ill. I took my pills. I've tried to stay hydrated. I nearly called into work, but I think I'm gonna tough it out today. Hopefully that's not a huge mistake.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:13 PM
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   Monday, May 5, 2008

Work was mostly hell, but I feel better today. I watched the new 'Brothers and Sisters' and cried with joy (and gave Mark a big hug). I watched the new 'Desperate Housewives' and glared at the little bitch girl. Saturday's Doctor Who was ok; it was a much better 2-parter than the last one that writer gave us (which isn't saying much, but it was a lot better than pig men in the sewers working for retarded pepper shakers from Skaro) - but I think the direction was kind of bland. Next week's episode looks good though, and I'm interested to see what happens next.

I'm going back to bed.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:30 AM
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   Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I didn't get much sleep last night...but then I slept a lot yesterday, which was fantastic. I rewatched Hellraiser: Bloodline, which I hadn't seen since the theater; it was still kind of crappy. The first Hellraiser is ok. I've always loved the 2nd one, and felt that it improved on the first...and the 3rd one, isn't as good as the first 2, but that it's still worth seeing. The one I just rewatched is the 4th one; the script for which is very ambitious, but the budget was cut during filming and it's rather evident, and kind of kills the whole thing. There are 4 more sequels that were released direct to dvd, which I've seen 2 of...they're rather like episodes of a Hellraiser tv series. Blah.

I read more of my book last night. I have about 80 pages left. I chatted with Michael briefly. I watched some old Smallville episodes.

I'm dressed for work. I started another load of dishes. I emptied the dryer; I tend to leave my clothes in there... I burnt a disc for Bryan (the Sweeny Todd Soundtrack). I still need to shave. I work today...and I should really finish that now.

I'm extremely hungry, but I feel like if I eat anything...it could go very badly, so I'm trying not to.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:06 PM
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   Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Work was fine yesterday. I worked with Bryan, Laura & Joe. It was pretty dead. I was still really hungry though, and I got Itallian Cheese Bread on my break, which was good (though they fucked up my order and had to remake it). I picked Mark up after work, but I was early.

I finished reading "Resistance" in the car, just after Mark got out. It was pretty good. The only problems I had with it were how they harped on the fact that the Borg Queen is the only female borg, when we've seen other female borg characters in the past. We saw them in Peter David's "Vendetta" novel. Seven of Nine was obviously female, even before she was rescued from the Collective; as was Marika(?) from "Survival Instincts". Hugh from Next Gen's "I, Borg" & "Descent, Part II" was obviously male. At the very least these characters had masculine & feminine characteristics. I think the reason they did this, is because in the Borg's first appearance on Next Generation (in 2nd Season's "Q Who?"), Q makes a big deal of pointing out that the drone that's come to the Enterprise isn't a he or a she, but that doesn't mean that this applies to every Borg. Locutus was obviously Picard, who was male. The other thing, which slightly bothered me, was that it felt slightly rushed - I mean, Picard is reassimilated, and returns to us, and he's not scarred by this at all? Of course this was very different, and could maybe even be seen as a healing experience, but I doubt there'd be zero emotional fallout from going through all that again.

Mark need to go to Meijer, so we went there, and then we went to the gas station so I could find this gum that I like. When we got out of the car, I noticed a woman in a truck at one of the pumps was pointing at us, and I figured they must know Mark, but as I pointed this out to Mark, the woman's husband, who was pumping the gas, came over and said that they were just asking about me. They're customers from Hollywood. My coworkers are constantly telling me that so & so asked about me; apparently I'm popular, or just really memorable. lol It was funny, and Mark & I talked to them for a few minutes, before getting some candy and heading home.

I tried playing my video game for a bit when I got home, but I was dead tired and went right to bed. When I woke up around 1am, I started reading the next Next Gen book, "Q & A", which I'm currently over half way through, and enjoying it quite a lot. I played more of my game as well. I chatted online. I went back to bed around 8am.

About the dreams I had before waking up at 1am. I dreamt about shopping at Food Town in Milan (which isn't there anymore), with Mark, and running into Jean Wiggin; this customer from Hollywood, who I'm sort of friends with. And she was shopping with us and chatting, and she was asking me what my work schedule was, and I told her that I had to work on Friday, and this disappointed her, as she was hoping to take me out for food and conversation that day, with her and her husband, and her husband's father. I asked if the morning would be ok, as I figured I could take her to Benny's Bakery, and she said that it wasn't because of this tradition they had...it was a nice dream.

I woke up around 2pm when the phone rang. It was Bill from work asking if I could cover his shift on Saturday. I told him I'd see what I had going on, and then tried to get back to sleep, but it just wasn't working, which was fine, as I'd slept enough. I read some more of my book. I had a snack. I read the news. I wish Clinton would just drop from the Presidential Race - I find that I don't trust her at all. The new Trailer for Star Wars Clone Wars (check out the poster)will be out this weekend. Randomness followed. lol

About my dreams before the phone call. These dreams are all very fuzzy. I only just remembered them when writing out the dream about Jean & Mark at the grocery store. These dreams involved me living in a very large city, where there was a boy that confessed he liked me, and had been searching for me, but by the time I understood this he was gone, and I realized I liked him too. It was very romantic, and odd, and beautiful... and meloncholy. And it played out over all sorts of different locations and events. My family was in this dream. And part of it was set at a concert. It's hard to translate in a description, but it was very moving. And waking up to the phone ringing really pissed me off. lol

So. I should have something to eat. I should call Michael, as I've been missing him of late. I should get ready, so that when Mark gets home from work we can go to the comic store to pick up Buffy/Angel/Trek and whatever Mark wants. I'd also like to get tested as I haven't since August, and I like to keep that up to date; maybe Mark would like to go with me. I don't know. But I need to get going.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:54 PM
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   Thursday, May 8, 2008

So I called Michael after shaving and showering and snacking, but he had a 'friend' over. The friend wanted it to be a date, but Michael did not, and it didn't go very well, though I wished him well. I was ultra horny though. lol I also called Bobby to let him know that I wasn't ignoring his messages, and Mark to make sure he was gonna make it home on time. I also left Carrie a message, as I haven't heard from her lately, and I was worried - and I still haven't heard back from her, but I'll give it some time.

When Mark got home, we went to the comic store and got all the latest issues. I just read the new Buffy a few minutes ago, which was fabulous. After the comic store, we went to HARC where I got an HIV test, and had lots of fun chatting, before leaving with a large assortment of condoms. Then we went to the video store where I rented some *ahem* movies. I got "Ream His Straight Throat 6" & "Bachelor Party 2", becasue sequels are so much fun! Then it was off to Whole Foods, where I got some bottled water, fresh strawberries, and low fat un-mixy peanut butter. Mark got some stuff too. We stopped at the book store, but the latest Doctor Who magazine continued to elude me.

When we got home we ate and Mark watched an episode of Smallville with me ("Cool"). Then I chatted with Michael, who's date was about to end. Then I got the dirt on that, and he got news on Jordan and Corey, which lead to much lust filled ideas about future sexual encounters, and very nearly led to cyber sex. Oh, and he wanted me to point out that when he 'helped me out' a couple of weeks ago (tomorrow) that I was coding that, and what it translated to was that he fucked me, and extremely well. :-0)

Happy now?

So...that went on longer than I expected, and my eyes were getting tired, so I said goodnight to him, thinking I'd be going to bed. But I had to go downstairs and I remembered the strawberries. I left Mollie a message, and had a strawberry, dipped in sugar. Then I started burning a disc of Smallville episodes (2x09 - 3x09), so I could delete them from my computer and work on some DS9 / Angel themed ones for a later Mollie shipment. Mollie called me back after I started chewing gum and reading my Trek book. We had a nice update about what's going on with her, and anime, Harry Potter, Doctor Who & Battlestar Galactica - which hopefully she's watching right now. Then after I let her go, I ate again, as I continued with my book, which I've now got less than 100 pages left in, and now I'm writing this.

It's so hot in my room. And it's not making it easy to sleep. Which is fine, I guess, as I ate a bit ago, so I shouldn't sleep. But I'm extremely tired. Hopefully I get some sleep today, and maybe a visit from Michael. But if not, I'm sure we'll hang out soon. It would also be cool if I could finish my book today, though I'd be ok finishing it tomorrow too.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:18 AM
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Went to bed around 8:30am (finally); woke up around 3pm. I took my prilosec. Read the news. Ooh...The Doctor is rumored to be appearing in Season 2 of The Sarah Jane Adventures, which is currently filming! I had a snack, and I just finished reading "Q & A". That's 2 Trek books this week; go me! And the week isn't over yet. :-0)

I was hoping I'd be hanging out with Michael today, and it's possible we'll still see each other sometime this evening, though I'm not sure. Nothing is confirmed as yet.

When I was finishing my book, I got a call, that I ignored, as my phone didn't recognize the number, but apparently it was my ex-gf Jennifer calling me back (finally) after many messages. The voicemail she left me sounded good...like she's happy and doing well. Cool.

I'm gonna read the first chapter of the next book...then do something else. Probably shower and stuff, and decide what's next from there.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:23 PM
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I was having a good day.

I started that book, which is really good so far; nothing less than what I'd usually expect from Peter David. I've enjoyed the majority of the books I've read by him, with one or two exceptions.

I took that shower too. A long, hot relaxing shower. It was so nice.

Mark is home. We've been very affectionate lately. Lots of hugging and helping each other out (not in a sex way); just being very supportive.

He had asked me about this girl that we used to know the other day and I had told him her first name. Jessica. That was yesterday I think, or the day before. A short while ago he asked me what her last name was, and I told him. When I asked why he was interested, he told me that he wanted to be certified to carry a gun (which she would know how to do).

Hello to the tension.

I don't like guns. I don't want to be near guns. I don't like that people of any sort are near guns. The thought of being near a gun makes me ill.

Now I've fired guns. A few times with Mark, and once with Mollie. Other times when I was a kid with my father, and later my step-father, who collects guns. I had a B-B-Gun. When I was a kid, I didn't like guns exactly...but my B-B-Gun was pretty safe. Shooting the guns with Mark & Mollie at the range wasn't about having a gun - it was about drooling all over Jessica and her husband, who I was crushing on in the worst way...plus seeing Mollie shoot the Lara Croft gun with near perfect accuracy her first time out was kind of cool - so for anyone reading this - you don't want to mess with Mollie - she's an amazing shot. Maybe it's from all that House of the Dead we played at the arcade.

But having a gun in my home now...just creeps me out. Accidents happen all the time with guns. People die. I would never feel safe having my family over again. Then there's the fact that I've been known to have some suicidal tendencies. Now...I haven't had them lately, and I'd like to avoid them in the future...but if for some reason I did feel like offing myself, a gun is often pretty final, while most other methods take some time and are something I can be saved from. And being in the state of mind where I am now, and knowing that I don't want to die, I'm saying no to this gun.

I'm not sure what I would do without Mark. But maybe things would be better if I found out. I mean...Mark could have his gun...and his dog; he's always wanted a dog, but I can't stand living with animals, so he's never gotten one. We watched his dad's dog for 2 weeks once - and while she's cute to look at during a visit, 2 weeks with her was a hell that I hope to never experience again.

Mark just got this other weapon in the mail. Actually he got two. He got a new thing of pepper spray...and a stick thing that's supposed to be good for self defense. I would never feel comfortable even having those on me, but if it makes Mark feel safe to have them, then I can live with that... But why does he now want a gun? It's not like we were just mugged and he's acting out... And if he just got a stick and some pepper spray this week, and now wants a gun...what will it be next week? It's just freaking me the hell out.

I was going to eat. I was going to have more strawberries. I was thinking about it in my long relaxing shower, but now I can't eat because my stomach is all wonky from stress and worry. I was going to call Michael and see if he wanted to hang out, but now I'm going to have to let him know I'm not up for a visit...as my stomach is freaking out because Mark is gun happy, and I might have to find a new place to live / work / survive. It's all a bit much to take in right now...and now my happy relaxing day has turned into a crappy night with just a few sentences from Mark.

Better not get too depressed about how he can do that, because there might be a gun around soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:24 PM
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Hopefully within 48 hours I'll have the 3rd part of the latest Doctor Who story, tomorrow's Battlestar Galactica, and tonight's Smallville & Ugly Betty. And when Doctor Who airs a week from Saturday we'll offically be over half way through Season 4... How the time does fly.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:57 PM
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   Friday, May 9, 2008

My Star Trek book is extremely readable. I started Chapter 2, and without noticing how long I'd been reading, it's now morning, and I'm in Chapter 14. I've never been a fast reader, yet this week I've devoured 2 & 1/2 Treks without even trying that hard. Neat. Now if only I hadn't been snacking while I was reading, I could sleep. Great. Now I have that Cure song stuck in my head...

"If only tonight we could sleep..."

Still. Could be far worse.

So, I'm guessing that as soon as my stomach settles I'll get some sleep. Probably not as much as I'd like. Then I'll go to work, and come home and crash. Exciting, huh? I foresee more reading, with a possability of Michael time. With more reading while I wait for the New Who to air. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:34 AM
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As I predicted, I got a few hours of sleep. I did however read more than half of my book, which is somewhat larger than the previous two, which makes me feel good. It's one of those books that's so good that you can't wait to get back to it. I read 2 more chapters as soon as I woke up. I'm dressed for work, but I need to shave. I took another prilosec, a bit earlier than I need to, just in case the lack of sleep gives me trouble later on. I also made sure to take my stomach meds last night. Hopefully that goes well. I'm tired, but not exhausted. I need to finish getting ready though as Mark will most likely be here in about 20 minutes.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:07 PM
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I'm feeling frustrated.

I'm home again. Mark drove us to his work, and stopped on the way for food. Around that time, my stomach started revolting. I dropped Mark off and went to work, and I was determined I'd make it through the day...except DJ asked me how I was feeling when I got there, and I told him my stomach was upset. He said he was going to send someone home and asked me if it should be me. Now I wasn't planning on asking if I could go home; I was going to work my shift, and suffer in silence - and try to cheer myself up, as work often does do for me... But before I had even punched in the offer was on the table. It turned out that Bill was not feeling well either, and DJ asked us to decide which one of us would leave. I thought about it, and told Bill he could go. He'd been there before me, and I was pretty sure I'd be fine eventually; I wasn't contagious so I wasn't going to be making anyone else sick, and I didn't want to prevent Bill from leaving if he didn't feel well, because I've been there. Only DJ sent us both home. Which is fine. I mean...he asked me... It's not like he forced me.

DJ also asked me again about my upcoming doctor's appointment, and asked if he shouldn't schedule me until after I see my doctor, which we talked about last time, and I told him that while my acid reflux is getting beyond annoying to me, that there are many days that I feel fine, and I guess to me that was an admission that I'd like to be scheduled, because I didn't tell him not to schedule me, and I told him I felt fine many days - but when I left he hadn't scheduled me at all this week. I know he's looking out for me, and wanting to help me, and I'm grateful...and maybe I shouldn't be working? I think something else that might have scared him was that while I was there I had this...acid thing, where some acid came up, and I didn't have any tums with me, and I had to ask him for some (which he didn't have) and my voice got all kind of scary from the acid... Or it's possible, that our hours are so hard to come by lately, that when I asked for this Sunday off that was maybe the only day he could have scheduled me? Or maybe it's just that he knows that the days that I don't feel well really suck when I'm at work, and figures that cutting me from the schedule will help me out part of the time, while helping everyone at the store with labor?

I'm tired and emotional. I need to not over react to this. I'm fine. Things will be fine. Except they're not...but they will be. I mean...I'll survive.

Of course all this frustration is why I'm seeing my doctor in the first place, so while I feel put out...I know I'm doing something about it...only the waiting is annoying. I'll make sure I get some hours the week after next.

Now I just have to find some ways to fill my time while I'm home, because last time I had a week off, the meds made me kind of crazy, and I'd rather avoid that.

Hopefully Mark isn't upset that he came to get me, and then I came home so soon afterward...but that wasn't my plan for the day at all. This kind of blindsided me. I just need to make the most out of it. I need to do something positive. I think I focus too much on the negative sometimes, and that doesn't really do me any good.

I guess DJ likes Doctor Who more than Torchwood now. He showed his family BLINK in the hopes that it would convert them to Who, but they all thought he was crazy. I told him that I had the same experience with Mark and Mollie when I got them to watch "The Girl in the Fireplace", which he said he was thinking of having them watch. Doctor Who is strange, and if you don't kind of give it a chance, it's hard to get into, but if you just give it that little chance, you get hooked. He's been lagging on Torchwood I guess, and skipping episodes, but is going to catch up on those now, so that the end of season crossover will make sense.

I guess I should nap or something while I have the time.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:52 PM
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   Saturday, May 10, 2008

I picked up Mark from work after the nap. We went to the post office and tried to go return those movies I rented, but there was some kind of police drama cutting us off from out destination, so I just figured I'd return them on Saturday. We went to Kroger so Mark could get some groceries, and then came home. I read a little, and then went back to bed. I woke up around midnight. There was a message from Jordan saying he was going to Aut Bar at 10pm, but he was already home when I texted him. He says he misses me and wants to see me.

I thought I would go back to sleep, but the book called to me. I had a headache, so I ate (after not having done so in nearly 24 hours) and took some pain killer. I downloaded the new Battlestar Galactica episode, and left Mollie a voicmail...

And then I finished my book. A truly great Star Trek book. I'm aching for more, and this one seems to be setting up some stuff that I may only be imagining, but hopefully... :-0)

I'm uncertain of what I'm going to read next. I had thought I would be reading the Titan series, but now I'm craving more Peter David books. He wrote one of the Gateway stories, and there are Next Generation & Voyager volumes that I never read that crossover somewhat with that one. I had planned to re-read the DS9 relaunch, which also has a volume in there, but now I'm considering reading all but the DS9 volume, and just getting to the DS9 one when I have time to re-read that amazing series - while I concentrate on these titles that I've never read. Either way, I want to read some new Treks, and then dive into those new DS9 prequels once the 3rd (and final) volume is about to arrive.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:04 AM
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Chatted on line for awhile. Watched the new Battlestar, which rocked, in my opinion. Only 4 more episodes this year; that's just rude.

I'm tired.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:57 AM
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I'm awake. Feeling Good. Read my e-mail. Sent some messages. I've been exchanging messages with Corey's cousin; looks like we're gonna be friends; cool. And I'm now downloading the new Doctor Who episode. I'm gonna get dressed and return those Video Hut movies. Mark is asleep. When I get home, maybe we can watch the new Who. ;-0)

Oh. And I got a message from Amazon that the new DS9 prequel book is actually shipping a lot sooner than expected, like it will be here this week. That's cool. But I just started reading the unread Gateways books. Which leaves me wondering if I should drop those (not even through chapter one) and dive into the Terok Nor books...? I'll decide later.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:08 PM
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My stomach's not feeling that great tonight. I'm planning on staying in. I've decided on reading the 4 Gateways books (which will mean I've read all but the 1 volume which I have no interest in), and then reading the DS9 prequels, and then probably continuing on with the New Fronier books...though I could easily change my mind. lol.

The new Doctor Who was ok. Not great, but not terrible - lots of potential for future stories. Next week's installment looks better than I expected it to be; hopefully it is, as it will be the last new episode for 2 weeks, but this means we'll probably also get a nice trailer at the end of next week's episode, covering the rest of the season. Fingers Crossed.

I'm gonna see if I can hang out with Michael sometime this week.

I'm gonna take a bath.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:13 PM
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   Sunday, May 11, 2008

Still not feeling well. Guess it's a good thing I don't work today. Read that Next Gen book (mostly); it was ok, but kind of dull. Even with cameos by Martok, Rom, Leeta & Garak. I'm reading the New Frontier installment now, which is great so far. I was going to go get some food, and rent some Godzilla movies, but I'm feeling really spacey, and I don't think it's a good idea for me to drive; maybe tomorrow.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:37 PM
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   Monday, May 12, 2008

I slept well today, and I feel really good. I'm not sure what I'm doing tonight. I might go to Necto.

I haven't read much more of my book, but what I have read has been really good; I know I have other stuff to read, but I'm taking this one slowly...I'm savoring it. The third part of the Terok Nor trilogy should be here a few days; I'm excited to see the list of characters appearing in this volume. I'll most likely read those books next, then come back to the New Frontier books.

I also ordered some used biographies that I'm interested in reading. One is about Joey Stephano (a porn star), and the other is about an actor that was in the movie "Score"; both are dead now. I kind of got them at random, but looking forward to reading them.

So, I've been chatting with this guy about Godzilla movies. I used to be obsessed with them, and I owned all the titles I could get my hands on, which wasn't easy as that was the 80's, and the crappy VHS copies weren't exactly popular or easy to find. I did have about half of the movies that exist today. Anyways, now that I've been talking about them, I've had the urge to revisit them. I know they're mostly really crappy, but they're a part of my youth, and I found I actually own 3 of the newer ones that I've never seen. I bought them a few years ago on the cheap, expecting to watch them someday...but never did. Then tonight I went to the video store and rented the earliest 6 titles I could find:

1933: KING KONG

1933: SON OF KONG

1954: GODZILLA (GOJIRA)

1955: GODZILLA RAIDS AGAIN

1956: GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS!

1956: RODAN

1964: GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA (THE THING) / Mothra vs. Godzilla

The 3 titles that I already own are:

2001: GODZILLA, MOTHRA & KING GHIDORAH: GIANT MONSTERS ATTACK

2002: GODZILLA AGAINST MECHAGODZILLA

&

2003: GODZILLA: TOKYO S.0.S.

So...yeah. I'm thinking I'll revisit the titles I grew up with, and maybe fill in some of the gaps that I missed then. For example, I've never seen the original Godzilla movie. Ever. Or Rodan (though I've seen several movies that Rodan did show up in). It's free, and fun, and silly. Sue me.

I'd like to get some pictures taken this week. I've been slacking on that for months. I'd also like to see Michael this week. It's possible I'll hang out with Bobby this week. We'll see. There's also some work related bar hopping going on tomorrow night that I was just invited too, though I'm not sure I'm interested, accept that I'd get to hang out with some of my cool coworkers, which is always fun. I'm not really a planner, so I'll just have to see how it all pans out.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:25 PM
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   Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I got some more reading done. Burned another DS9 for Mollie; slow but steady. Got some Godzilla fun in. Texted Bobby, Michael, Corey & Jordan. And I've got to say that I've been beyond horny for the last 24 hours.

I should try to get some sleep. It's really warm in my room though. I'll turn down the air.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:59 AM
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   Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I'm in a complete daze, and I'm not sure why. I think I'm cracking up sometimes, and then others...I'm not sure. I'm good. I think. Life is confusing.

Michael visited me yesterday.

I read more of my book; I have a little less than 100 pages left, including the story that follows on from this book, in the next volume. Then I plan to dive into the DS9 prequels, as the final part of that should arrive at my door, either today or tomorrow.

My 'stimulus' check arrived. I got $300.00, just as I originally expected to, though Mark insisted that I was getting $600.00 - which got my hopes up for more... I should have gone with my gut though, so that's really my own fault. Blah. Still $300.00 I wouldn't have otherwise, but I've been spending money, expecting to get twice that amount, which makes the end result extremely depressing.

I'm having some interesting mood swings. From happy to sad to horny to exhausted to horny to introspective...and so on and so on. It's odd...and I'm not sure what's going on most of the time, so if I come of as slightly less than coherrant, forgive me.

It's after 5am? How the fricking hell did that happen?

See what I mean?

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:01 AM
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So...today has been a blur. I haven't been feeling well for the last 24 hours. I also haven't gotten much sleep as a result. My throat hurts, but I don't think I have a cold or anything; I'm just worn out. And then there are the drugs as well. Everything is kind of piling on top of me, but in such a slow calculated fashion, that I didn't even notice until now.

I finished my New Frontier book, and the new Terok Nor book arrived today. I was shocked to see that Garak isn't in the book, but then did some figuring and realized that the times when Garak would have been on Terok Nor, don't seem to be in the books...at least that's how it seems. I doubt the writers would have excluded him for any other reason, as they've included just about every other Cardassian and Bajoran that was around at the time... But because I was looking forward to seeing Garak, I broke the books down into years, and made a guide so I can read the pre-DS9 Garak stuff right along with these other 4 books (I'm including another Lost Era title as it's set between 2 of the other volumes, and also concerns the Cardassians) - hopefully all the continuity checks out, and works beautifully - if it does then I will highly recommend them to my friends.

I have almost no food. And I'm hungry. I'm going to have some garlic bread, which I'm not supposed to have, but hopefully it will be ok...or not too bad. I don't really have anything else to eat, and I don't have the strength to go out and get groceries. I'd ask Mark to go, but he's asleep, and didn't get a lot of sleep last night as it was. I'm hoping to get some sleep later, and also get groceries before morning. Oh...actually, I have some pop tarts. But I already opened the bag that the bread comes in, and I'd have to throw it out, which I've been very good about not doing lately.

I have this song stuck in my head; it's a cover of a Steven Winwood song: "Can't Find My Way Home" - it was hard to track down, as everyone has covered this song, but the version that was stuck in my head was from the final scene of the final 2nd Season episode of Brothers & Sisters. This version is by Ellen McIlwaine; I found it on iTunes. I think it's a Steve Winwood song; maybe I'm wrong.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:39 PM
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   Thursday, May 15, 2008

I had that garlic bread; ate all of it. I did have some acid stuff later, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, so I'm counting myself lucky. I worked on some random things, and later got a bit of sleep. When I woke, I read a bit - so far, I'm taking this book rather slowly; perhaps I'll speed up as I get deeper into the story. I had some pop tarts and a Boost. I should go get some groceries, but I should also wait for my stomach to settle. Perhaps I'll drive Mark to work today and get groceries on the way home?

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:29 AM
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People sometimes compare Mark & I to an old married couple, and I can see why. I often see couples in movies that hold each other in dark emotional times, and Mark & I do that. We laugh together. We fight & argue, and sometimes we hurt one another. And we put that behind us and try again. We tell each other how much we apprecate and love the other. We cuddle and share. We shower. We hug and have little friendly kisses. It's like we're a couple...only without the sex. Not that sex is the most important thing, but it is something isn't it? But I love Mark and he loves me, and I'm grateful for that. It's not what I expected to have with him when I met him... It's not the kind of relationship that I saw in movies or read in books. But it's very special to me, and I don't know that I can ever say that enough. I just wanted to say that here, so there is some record of it. ;-0)

I was going to drive Mark to work this morning, and go grocery shopping, but I got this horrible migrain, which has been happening less lately, for which I'm also grateful. I took my migrain meds, and they're doing the trick, only I can't drive now. Sometimes you have to laugh at this shit. lol

I just rewatched Torchwood's "Adrift" and was again impressed by the episode. I plan on watching the final 2 episodes soon; possibly in a few hours. I've not rewatched them since they first aired, but now feels like a good time. I really think they got those last 3 episodes just right (despite some minor continuity flubs that make me want to strangle people. lol). Last time I talked to Mollie she had just watched Torchwood 2x03; Adrift is 2x11; I wonder if she's seen that far yet, or if she's finished the whole thing altogether...

I'm still reading this DS9 prequel book; still reading it slowly, but I find myself contemplating these Cardassian characters...I'm very contemplative of their roles and what they might mean. I think I'm gonna love these books.

The season finale of Smallville is on tonight. The season finale of Desperate Housewives is on Sunday. The season finale of Ugly Betty is on a week from tonight. I'll send Mollie a disc on Monday with the latest Who episodes, + BSG & Desperate Housewives. I'll send her another disc later with the rest of Ugly Betty and more Who & BSG. I've got it all planned out. I spend entirely too much time thinking about things...lost in my own thoughts.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:57 AM
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   Friday, May 16, 2008

Pygar the Angel, died at the age of 70 yesterday.

Marriage Equality was granted in California yesterday.

Also yesterday, Michael was given The Face of Boe toy that I drooled on at the comic shop last week.

Yesterday was odd.

I rented Barbarella, & Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster. I'll probably watch Barbarella later, unless I can hold out until I can get Mark to watch it. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:35 AM
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I slept last night. I don't think I slept much. Maybe 4 hours. But I did sleep.

Before I slept I had a bread stick, stuffed with cheese, which I bought randomly from the grocery store which was good. It reminded me of the times when Little Caesars used to have Cheese & Pepperoni Stuffed Crust pizza... Which in turn reminded me that the last time I'd brought this up, that someone told me they still had the stuffed cheese crust variety, which I wasn't sure I believed. Well, I looked it up online, and it's on their menue. I could have been enjoying the stuffed cheese crust pizza all these years... The first time I ever had it was on my first 'night over' at Mark's apartment in Ohio when we were first dating, and we only had a it a few times, which means I've not had it in at least 12 years! Anyways...I want some!

I'm supposed to hang out with Jordan some time today, but we haven't discussed when. Hmm. I'm going to need to sleep more. But I want that pizza, which means I should probably drive Mark to work...or maybe he could pick one up on his way home? Except I'd want to confirm the well done status. Hmm.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:10 AM
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I just watched the season finale of Smallville. It was kind of lame. The show sometimes is lame. But this finale was a bit forced, and overcome by events in the real world. The writer's strike didn't do the show any favors. Add to that, this is the last season to feature Lex Luthor as a main character as the actor who plays him has been upfront about leaving after year 7, only to have that season cut short by the strike - which I thought might allow the actor to return in some fashion next year, but he didn't see it that way. Lana Lang is also leaving the series, but will be back, though probably not as a main character...which is fine. I mean, Lex & Lana do not a Superman series make - but this just feels a bit rushed is all, and I don't think that's the show's fault, so while I didn't love the episode (save for a teary goodbye scene with Michelle "Bald Jason Worships You" Featherstone music), I understand that it's probably the best they could do with all this stuff going on. Oh, and the girl who plays Chloe, was also in heavy negotiations, and not signed on to return until just a few days ago, so there was that pressure as well... erg.

There's a new Battlestar Galactica on tonight. There's a new Doctor Who on tomorrow, which has now been confirmed to be the last episode until May 31 - which kind of sucks, but I'm ok with that.

My stomach, which has been pretty hit or miss lately, is mostly a hit today. Or is it a miss? lol. It's mostly ok, which is for me is a good day of late.

Mark's alarm is going off; it usually doesn't until later, so I'm wondering if he wanted to get up earlier, or if he just wanted more reminders to get his ass out of bed? lol Should I be driving him to work so I can get that stuffed crust pizza? Probably not. I should probably get more sleep, to ensure my stomach not exploding. I haven't been sleeping that well the last few days.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:06 AM
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   Saturday, May 17, 2008

I slept well on Friday. I called Jordan when I woke up to let him know what was going on, and let him know he could join me if he liked. I ordered the pizza I'd been craving and stopped by work to get my schedule along the way; I work Sunday & Friday. I found out Ruki has left us at Hollywood while I was there, and then ran into her as I walked up to our door, as she was just leaving the next condo over (she cat sits for them). She came in and said goodbye for now, and I showed her my room which she loved - then she was off. Mark and I ate the pizza and watched Batman Beyond.

Shortly after we were finished Jordan called and said he'd be over in about 45 minutes. The time flew by. He & I were extremely silly last night. I don't know what it was, but we just laughed a lot...at everything. It was like we were stoned, only we weren't. lol We talked a lot about stuff...like, how I can't 'read' him. I would think he's not interested in me at all if I had to guess, but I'm starting to understand him better. It's interesting. We watched an episode of Doctor Who, and later played some playstation games ;-0)

He was tired a lot sooner than me, as I'd slept most of the day, so he went to bed in my room, and I played more playstation downstairs, and ate. Jordan left at about 10am I think. I continued with my game for a bit, and then got ready to go out to HARC and get my results (I'm HIV Negative for the record). Then I went to Kroger and some more of these cheesy garlic bread sticks I got the other day and loved, plus more BOOST and some sour cream that Mark had requested.

I had been invited by Michael to go to his friend Rob's birthday party, which I think started at 1pm, and I did want to go, and it was nice outside, but by this time, I was feeling quite exhausted. I came home, put away the groceries, and stayed up long enough to start downloading the new Who. I watched the new Battlestar Galactica and went to bed.

I woke up a little after 9pm. I downloaded a better copy of Who, and later Mark & I watched it together. I wasn't expecting much from the episode (our last installment for 2 weeks), and it was quite silly, but I loved it just the same, and it's my 2nd favorite of the season thus far.

I'll probablye eat soon. I might get some reading done. I read a really positive review of the new DS9 Prequel, and it leads me to believe that I'm going to enjoy it quite a lot, but that my decision to read the other books that take place around that time was a fantastic idea indeed. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:29 PM
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   Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Sunday I slept as long as I could before work, which was mostly fine. I worked with John, Laura & Kim. Neat. I was kind of out of it, per usual of late, but so was John. We talked about how odd it is to not be working as much, and how strange it is trying to get into the groove at work again. It's funny how you lose that stuff so quickly.

Monday I watched "The Mothman Prophecies", which wasn't horrible, though it wasn't that great either. I also watched the 2 hour season finale of Desperate Housewives which was fantastic per usual - I laughed out loud, and I cried a few times too - and of course I gasped at the end. I also did the sleeping thing again, which meant I got to go to Necto last night. It was so funny, because I ran into Michael's friend Katie who Michael got hooked on Buffy & Doctor Who - she introduced me to a group of girls who she'd gotten hooked on Doctor Who and they all thanked me, and told me they loved me. They also guessed my age as 21!?! So that was funny. It was a good time.

I left the bar slightly early to shower and change (during which I called Michael, and talked about Who & Housewives) before going grocery shopping. I called Jordan while I was there and talked a bit. He had a dramatic day that was part work and part being a friend, as his best bud Trent broke up with his boyfriend. Ugh. Drama sucks. I let him go so I could check out, and told him I'd call him when I got home...only I then couldn't find my phone, which didn't freak me out as much as you might think, as I misplace my stuff all the time! lol

So, Mark got the playstation working the other day, and I've been playing old playstation games ever since. I'm playing Spyro 2 at the moment. I think the first one was the best; it was just fun. This was has a lot of annoying mini-games in it that bug me, but I want to beat the game again. lol. I mean...the last time I beat it, it was like 9 years ago. lol

I haven't read my book since Sunday morning; I should try to get some of that done. And I rented a bunch of movies, but I've been watching them, so I'm not worried aobut that. This morning I watched "Transfixed" which was WAY better than Mothman; but not a perfect film either.

The oven just beeped; I've got to go.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:44 AM
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Spyro 2 goes well (74% finished).

It was announced today that my favorite Doctor Who writer (Steven Moffat) will be taking over as executive producer on that series come 2010 (when the next complete season will air). If Russell T. Davies is leaving, I can think of no better writer to take the series forward. This is good news.

I feel pretty good today. I'm tired though. I'll probably go to bed soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:00 PM
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Yay! I got a Mollie message! She's not dead; just over-worked! :-0) Which means she's alive. And I don't have to feel bad about not sending her discs this week (to save cash) as she doesn't have time for them at the moment anyways. lol

Still can't find my phone. I've looked under my bed like 4 times. Things always end up there. So often, that Mark asks me to look under my bed anytime anything goes missing. lol I'd e-mail Jordan the news, but I don't have his e-mail addy; I don't know his phone # by heart...and I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog. Hopefully the phone pops up soon, as it would suck beyond the telling of it if I lost it 'for real'.

I read a little bit more of my book before bed. The Cardassians are on Bajor now, and the character development is superb...I mean, it's falling in line with the show, but it's also giving the background info we already had from the series a whole new depth, and painting everyone in shades grey. The Cardassians, while clearly in the wrong, are not all just tyrants - and some of them, are really well rounded. All of them actually. They all have their reasons, and they're quite compelling. Same for the Bajorans - it's only because we KNOW how this all ends, that it's so tragic. Erg. Nice.

Again, I'm hungry.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:57 PM
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   Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I've been reading that DS9 book, and watching old DS9 episodes. Old? I say that like there are new DS9 episodes! lol. But that's what the books feel like. Anyways, on a random Trekkie note, I was thinking about the main title sequences for the 6 Trek shows, and while I think the opening sequence for Voyager is stunning, and far better than many of the episodes of that show, I think DS9's has more class. The music and the imagery is so much more subtle...yet reflective of the series. At the beginning of Season 4 the title sequence for DS9 changes, and reflects the changes that have come to pass in just 3 short years. It's perfect.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:54 AM
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I slept some last night. I wasn't planning on it, but I was tired...so I slept. lol. I also chatted with Michael & Bobby.

I think I'm gonna clean stuff today. It's tough finding time to clean the bathroom, because the smell of the cleaner, which is not fun for anyone, come close to killing Mark, so I have to do it when he's gone, so maybe I can do that as soon as he leaves, and open up some windows and let it air out for as long as possible while he's at work? It's a thought. I'm still kind of tired though. We'll see. And I'm hungry again. What's with the constant hunger of late? lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:32 AM
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Nothing's gone according to plan today.

Mark decided to stay home from work, so he could get some programming done, which kind of killed my hunger for cleaning. I know it's weird, but I don't like cleaning while other people are around. I'm weird. I accept that. Plus, the fumes from the cleaning agents in the bathroom would kill Mark.

Well, then I decided I'd at least try to get some of it done...only I got one of my killer headaches. I took my Midrin and I ate, and while it's better, it's still not gone, which is really annoying. I'm gonna take another one, per the instructions, and take a nap to see if that helps. If it doesn't then I'm just writing the whole damned day off, and I'll just be grateful that I didn't have to work. But if I wake up feeling better, maybe I'll actually get some real cleaning done.

I did manage to organize some stuff in my room, though it doesn't make it look cleaner - and I'm washing my whites... Hopefully that's not all I accomplish today.

Oh. And I found my phone.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:38 AM
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   Thursday, May 22, 2008

My nap turned into an all day thing, which might have stretched on into the night if Mark hadn't woken me up. But my headache is gone. Yay! I'm doing my 4th load of laundry. The dishes are done. I just scrubbed down the counter, sink & mirros in the bathroom. That part doesn't require a lot of chemicals, so it shouldn't bother Mark that much. Go me. :-0)

I have a lot more laundry to do though. At least 3 more loads. I'd like to wash my sheets and stuff, and my towels too.

I'm chatting with Corey while I type this. Michael & I were hoping to hang out this week, but that doesn't seem likely at this point. Jordan wanted to hang out sometime this week as well, and again that doesn't look likely now, and he'll be busy all weekend. Bobby & I talked about maybe hanging out tonight, but that doesn't seem likely. I'm just not a very good planner. At all. If stuff happens, then it will happen, otherwise, I'm not gonna worry about it. lol

Chatting with Michael now as well.

I'm waiting for this cleaner stuff to kick in, then I'll try to finish up what I can of the bathroom.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:42 AM
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I got all my laundry done last night, except my sheets and towels, which I can do later tonight. Michael visited me last night for fun and conversation. Tea & Sypathy. lol. Um...right. After Michael left I talked to Jordan on the phone, but he wasn't making a lot of sense; he swore he wasn't drunk though; not sure what that was about. I played Spyro 2 (84% done now), and The Unholy War.

Now I'm about to drive Mark to work so I can visit with my Grandma and sister Janice. :-0) Then I'll come home, throw the towels in the washer; nap; throw towels in the dryer and pick up Mark from work. Sleep more. Then I don't know what. That's the plany anyways - hopefully it all goes well.

I fucking love mashpus!!! :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:43 AM
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I dropped Mark off at work and headed to Grandma's house. I got to see Grandma, Janice, Jonathan, Aunt Marge, Uncle Mike, Grandpa, + Mike & Marje's grandchildren Seefus(?) & Moses. I got to play with the kids, and it was all good. I had fun.

I got home around 2:30. I'm trying to stay awake instead of sleeping, so I won't be tired at work tomorrow, but I'm getting WAY tired, so I might take a nap.

Damn it. There's no new Battlestar Galactica episode this Friday, because of Memorial Weekend. Blah. At least I'll get the new Doctor Who trailer....

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:40 PM
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That nap was cut short by the most horrible stomach cramps...so terrible that I wanted to die. No lie. After I clawed my way to the bathroom, I found I either had the flu, or food poisoning... Losing so many fluids (from all possible sources) that I was dehydrated in zero seconds...left shakey, shivery, gasping, and very nearly helpless. I called Mark to make sure he got home without the car, and he had me take my temp, which told us I needed to bundled up, which I did, on the stairs so to be near the bathroom... I eventually slept, and then Mark was home, before he left with the car to get me water and pepto, and gum (which I requested, as my dry mouth was filled to the brim with the most disgusting flavors). He was back before I knew he was gone, and now I'm sipping water and chewing random flavors of gum. I'm not in pain now, which is much appreciated, and as soon as I'm satisfied that I've inbibed enough liquid, I'll hopefully pass out without any further trauma.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:17 PM
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   Friday, May 23, 2008

I just woke up. And I'm definitely still sick. I feel the virus in my system; I feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up, only there isn't anything left inside me. Plus I feel all weird from the stomach meds I took... I just feel completely out of sorts. Like I'm lost inside myself and I can't quite find my way back to normal.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:22 AM
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I just woke up again. Feeling slightly better I think. Mark's convinced I had food poisoning, so maybe he's right. I don't know. I just know that I feel slightly less likely to hurl.

I'm downloading the Season Finale of Ugly Betty. Perhaps I'll burn some TV discs for Mollie tonight; I'm sending them out to her on Tuesday. Now I'm just waiting for the Doctor Who Trailer on Saturday.

I'm looking forward to hearing Mollie's reactions to all these shows, especially the recent Doctor Who episodes. I don't know if she'll like them or not, though I suspect that she'll love "The Unicorn & the Wasp" as much as I did. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:28 AM
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   Sunday, May 25, 2008

I felt better on Friday, and I made it to work. I didn't take my break though, as I was worried about eating and any consequences that could have. I worked with Bryan, DJ, John, Amanda, & Pat; it was good to see everyone; Tim from the Packard Road store dropped by. I dropped off a disc of Torchwood / Who episodes for Jean, who e-mailed me on Saturday, letting me know that she got it and how grateful she was.

After work on Friday, I picked up Mark. I read in the car while I waited for him. He went to Meijer but I stayed in the car and slept. When we got home, I read some more and slept, and read some more.

Early Saturday morning I got a call from Mollie and it was so nice chatting with her about our troubles and Doctor Who, Torchwood, BSG, DS9 & everything else. I was feeling a lot better. That changed later. My stomach, even on days where I'm mostly ok with it, is not remotely normal. And I knew fairly early in the day that attending the wedding of my friends, Michael & Emily, would be a mistake. I so wanted to go though, and every few minutes I'd change my mind and decide I'd risk going, only to have my body all but confirm that that wasn't the best of ideas. It sucked so bad, because I wanted to be there for my friends, and to share in the fellowship outside of work, with my coworkers / friends; including former co-workers that I just don't seee anymore...I actually cried about it. It was just a crappy reminder how bad things are, which I'm usually capable of ignoring. Only that wasn't happening this time.

I read more. I slept. I played a video game with Mark. I ate. My stomach rebelled. And the cycle continued.

I finished the book a few minutes ago. Fantastic book! It really explains a lot of the backstory for multiple DS9 plots! It also sets up multiple episodes of DS9 & The Next Generation, which I wasn't really expecting. And most impressivly, to me, it sets up a major plot point in the 'Garak Book', A Stitch In Time, that makes me really excited to read that book again!

I'm going to start reading the next chronological book in the series, which is the Lost Era novel "The Art of the Impossible" by KRAD, which I've been meaning to read for years! It details 'The Betreka Nebula Incident', which Garak mentioned on DS9 once. It's another novel that fills in loads of history, with continuity & characters galore, such as: Kang, Curzon Dax, Lwaxana Troi, Sergey Rozhenko, Helena Rozhenko, Ian Troi, Kor, K'mpec, Enabran Tain, General Worf, Koval, Legate Kell, Vance Haden, L'Kor, Kahlest, Sarek, Uhura, Rachel Garrett, Gi'ral, Tokath, Corbin Entek & K'tal! I'll also be reading another Lost Era novel, which is set in a gap within The Art of the Impossible, which is called 'The Well of Souls'; collectivly, these titles cover 2328-2346...and I hope to have these finished this week.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:07 AM
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   Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Work Sunday night was crazy; just as I expected. I've closed the store on Sunday night of Memorial Day Weekend for 6 years in a row, and there's never any extra people scheduled, and there's always a million people there, waiting in line the whole night through. But I worked with Bryan and Kim (until 9pm at least), and it was mostly a good time. Bryan told me a bit about the wedding, and told me I was missed, and made sure I got my break, even with all the madness, and he didn't complain about anything. It was nice.

Monday I did nothing. Seriously. Nothing. I didn't eat. I didn't do anything. I don't know what was up with me, but there was just nothing. I used to eat (in my youth) once or twice a week and not notice the other days, and I can see how that happened now, because when you don't eat, you get in this weird, waking coma kind of thing... But I didn't have any food, and I didn't have any energy to go get food...until Tuesday morning, when I just felt like I had it all in order and off to the grocery store I went.

Tuesday I ate, and was sick. My stomach has not been friendly lately. It's been a really tough week...and when my stomach is upset this much, I tend to hibernate. I don't want to see people, or talk to them or do much of anything. I kind of get lost in my own head. I didn't even read my Trek books. Nothing went on this week. Except that I played Spyro the Dragon yesterday; I beat all but the last 2 levels in 2 sittings; and I beat ever level I went to without much effort - I've got that game down flat :-0) It wasn't very productive, but it did keep my mind off of my stomach and how crappy it's making my life at the moment.

Mollie's package is going out today. I've started reading 2 new books. I'll finish Spyro later. I need to eat, but not looking forward to any of the consequences of that action. Perhaps I'll get something done today? I don't know. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:40 AM
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I finished Spyro. I started reading a book about dead porn star Joey Stefano. I sprayed down the bathroom, and started cleaning. I'd like to get some stuff done today, and I've started that. So...good for me. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:46 AM
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Been scrubbing the bathtub. Ick. My knees were hurting from the tile, and I (in one of my ever more frequent stupid moments) used one of my pillows to cushion my knees. On the bathroom floor. With chemicals flying every which way. I'm guessing that pillow will be tossed out tonight. It's 8 years old, so it's probably time anyways, but I hate to lose a pillow.

Listening to Tori's "Liquid Diamonds" on repeat. I'm not that familiar with this tune, and it's not spectacular, but it's got me hypnotized.

I ache for new Who. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:54 PM
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   Thursday, May 29, 2008

I got so much done yesterday :-0) I did the dishes; scrubbed the tub; did laundry; started a new book; talked to Michael & Jordan; sorted e-mail... It was a good day. And I slept well when it was over. I've been sleeping at night since Sunday.

My doctor appointment is today, so I'll probably be driving Mark to work. He should be getting up soon; his alarm has already gone off twice.

I was expecting there to be some Doctor Who news online today, and maybe it will turn up later, but so far...there's nothing. I thought there might be some, as the new issue of Doctor Who magazine comes out in the UK today. I wish I had it now, but the issue before that one hasn't even arrived in the States yet. :-0(

The new issue of Buffy comes out on Wednesday; the final issue in a 4 issue story...which will be followed by another 4 issue story. I'm looking forward to the ending of this story, which has been filled with a lot of fun in jokes, some surprising character revelations, and apparently, one shocking character death. The Buffy comics just rock ;-0)

I need to shave today. I haven't shaved since Sunday, so I'm kind of furry. Ick. I'd also like to get some pictures up in my room today. I've been neglecting it lately.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:05 AM
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In the time it took to post the last entry, the news from the new Doctor Who Magazine was released, though it wasn't as groundbreaking as I was expecting - there was still some Billie Piper quotes on how Rose has grown since we last saw her. Squee! :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:09 AM
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I showered & chatted with Mark, and now we're getting ready. I'll drive Mark to work. Come home. Shave. I might burn a disc for DJ. I need to finish my laundry. I need to eat. After my appointment, I need to fill some perscriptions, and go get some more water.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:05 AM
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Mark's at work. I'm getting ready to eat. Then shave and stuff. My appointment isn't til a quarter to 4. Plenty of time. I'm posting a lot today, because this glitch happened, and I got like 5 copies of the same entry, and I can't delete them, so I'm re-writing them.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:54 AM
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Ok. I have a lot to write about. Serious stuff that made me cry. But I don't feel like writing about it right now. Suffice to say that today mostly sucked...

But there's good news too. Not good news I guess. Just...I love this new song, called 'I Kissed A Girl' by Katy Perry. It's single-handedly making me smile.

It's the little things that keep me breathing.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:40 PM
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   Friday, May 30, 2008

7 Years of Hell

Alright. So 7 years ago, this August I started throwing up food. Randomly. The doctor said it was severe acid reflux, which I figured was probably right. I mean, my whole family has acid reflux to some degree. I took the meds they told me too. I'd already cut the bad food stuffs out of my diet...

Only I never got better. There were times when I was ok, but it never lasted. They kept upping my dosage. I take 40MG of Prilosec a day, plus 20MG of Zantac - that's like way over the norm. And food continues to eject from my mouth at fairly regular intervals.

7 years of this. It hasn't been fun. And it's curtailed & informed a lot of my behavior. I hate to travel. I don't socialize as much as I'd like. I don't get as close to people as I'd like. I don't go to school & I hardly work. It's even hard to work out... It's also hard to not stop eating all together, which I'm surprised I've managed to do. I'm surprised that I've survived at all, actually, so I know I'm stronger than I would have thought.

Yesterday, I saw the doctors again, with high hopes that a new medication my help me out...only it didn't turn out like I hoped. I actually ended up weeping in the doctor's office, and not with joy in my heart. It turns out I probably don't have acid reflux at all, or at least not to the degree that my symptoms would seem to suggest...which makes a certain amount of sense. The meds should be helping and they're not. Some foods that shouldn't bother me, do. Others that should bother me, that I've risked eating, haven't bothered me. The down side to this, is that it's possible that my condition isn't treatable....which could possibly crush me.

I mean...7 years is enough of this shit. I can't even believe it's been that long. That my life has been on hold for that long...because that's how it feels. Like I've been waiting on the sidelines while life just rolls on by. I'm afraid I'm nearing my limit.

However, it's possible that there is a medication that can help me. I have to have some tests done, which I've scheduled for June 10 & June 12. One of them involves me eating radioactive food and then tracking where the food goes to and for how long. The other involves them sticking a PH Strip up my nose, down my throat, and into my stomach - which would stay there for 24 hours. After those tests come back, we move on from there... hopefully with new info, or at least some confirmation that we're headed in the right direction, and we can try this new medication that might help prevent me throwing up constantly. That's what I want. That's what's been holding me back in so many aspects of my life that I can't even express to you how debilitating, humiliating, or insufferable it's been.

So...I'm trying to hold on a bit longer. I'm usually ok. I mean...it sucks, but often you wouldn't know it to look at me. I look good. I look healthy. My doctors all comment on that. And I'm usually in good spirits, or as good as can be expected. But there are moments where it all seems pointless, and I just want to end it. I was supposed to work today. I really wanted to see everyone...only it wasn't possible. I missed a wedding last Saturday. I miss a lot of things...and I'm so tired of pretending I'm ok, when I'm not. My friends understand and don't hold it against me...which I'm grateful for, but that just isn't enough for me anymore. I need this to end.

Wish me luck.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:09 PM
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