Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I cleaned my room on Sunday. I also did laundry and cleaned the bathroom a bit. Shaved and showered. I watched the first of the final 3 episodes of Pushing Daisies. Michael came over Sunday night; after midnight it was our 2 month anniversary. We had some really fantastic sex. We also watched the next episode of BSG that he needed to see: "Sometimes a Great Notion"; a brilliant installment (my initial spoiler free reaction to the episode can be read here). Then we talked for a bit and went to sleep.

We only slept for about 4 hours before we got up and ready to meet my sister Janice at our grandparents' house to practice the song we're singing together by my grandmother's request, at her anniversary party in a few weeks. Michael got to see my grandparents again, and met Janice & Doug. It was a nice visit. Oh. Also drove Michael in our car for the first time; all our other trips, other people have driven. I got us home just before he had to leave for work, and we parted company. He's coming back on Wednedsay; Thursday is his birthday and we're planning on seeing Wolverine & T4 in the theater that day.

Monday I had woken up with a headache and took some Midrin, which kicked the pain to the curb, but after Michael left I took a nap...and after waking the pain had returned. I didn't want to take any more Midrin, as I'm nearly out, so I suffered in silence. I worked on my cyber farm and read all the news. My monitor was acting up. I watched the final 2 episodes of Pushing Daisies, and though I've read that they weren't given any notice that they'd been cancelled and they tacked on an ending in response it actually played out alright in my opinion. The show has something resembling an ending - which is more than a lot of shows get, and while I'll welcome any future installments, I'm ok with where the series left us, which is nice.

I slept some more. I later talked to Caleb online. We talked about how odd it was that my last text to him was that he'd made my boyfriend jealous by texting me, and then he met my boyfriend and spent the night at his house! lol. Small world. Caleb stayed the night with Jesse, but according to Caleb they didn't have sex, though he said that Michael & David think think that they did. Michael later told me he doesn't care at all. lol. People are silly.

Oh. When Michael was over, he mentioned in passing that just after Jesse moved in (before he'd even told me that Jesse had moved in) that Jesse had confessed to having a crush on Michael...which Michael didn't tell me. If you confess that you have a crush on a guy that you're moving in with, that seems to me like you're making a pass at him - which would be fine, except he knew that Michael was with me. Michael even said that when Jesse told him this, Michael told him that he was with me, and then Jesse responded that he respected that. Whatever. I didn't trust him before, and now I trust him less. So, Jesse went from Michael to this Phil guy (whom Michael had fucked the previous year, and who uses a different name online [AdenAdrennes], and who states quite proudly that he's not into dating or fucking just one guy, ever) who fucked Jesse over. Then Jesse hangs out with Phil's friend Caleb & is now hung up on Caleb. It's all very much like a gay soap opera. lol. I find it all oddly amusing.

I talked to Michael on the phone around midnight I think. He was closing his store and was way behind. He was working with his friend Patches and Jesse was coming in to help him close. I was kind of foggy, as I'd taken some strong pain killer, so he let me go. I texted Mark to find out when he was coming home, as I was worried. He called and said he'd be home very soon. When he arrived home, he hung out in my room for like an hour. It was hard to concentrate on what I was doing while he spoke about random things... But it was nice to see him. We had a serious moment concerning his happy memories of a time that wasn't really happy at all, and then he went to bed.

And then I wrote this.

I found some old notepads; e-mails and letters and sort of blog type things. I might transcribe them as old blog entries. We'll see.

Oh. And Michael Anderson, whom Mollie & I both worked with (her at STAPLES and me at HOLLYWOOD) shares his birthday with my Michael! lol. Cute.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:04 AM
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I'm still awake. I should have gone to bed, but I had to harvest my farm...so I stayed up on gay.com (first time in at least 2 weeks). And this was not an assortment of conversations that ended with guys hitting on me... This was me chatting with a friend about the intricate plot strands of BSG. It was great fun. lol. Then, I ended up clicking a link to find out that Season 3 of Torchwood comes out on DVD the same day as BSG 4.5 - July 28. Also released that day, is Doctor Who: Planet of the Dead. No word on when "The Next Doctor" will be released. Hmmm. Then I clicked a link and watched the premiere of Nurse Jackie. I liked it. I think Mollie might like it. I'm exhausted. I'm going to brush my teeth, turn down the air, and try to get some sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:30 AM
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woke up around 1pm. Somehow I hurt my back. I sometimes sleep on it wrong, but I think I probably hurt it coming up the stairs the other day. I'm extremely clumsy and I almost fell, and I had to move in an odd way to prevent that, and I think that hurt my back. I have a fucked up back, and the doctors tell me it's really easy for me to mess it up. Thankfully I don't mess it up too often, but I'm telling you right now this is the worst back pain I've had in years. It feels like it's spreading out.

I got a text from Michael. Apparently, Jesse, who is quickly becoming very, very annoying - told Michael this morning, that I had chatted with Caleb and that during that chat we talked about hooking up. What Jesse didn't know was that I'd already told Michael that Celeb and I had talked, and what we talked about. And while we did briefly (like in the course of 2 sentences of the chat) discuss our almost hooking up last year, we did not discuss hooking up in the here and now in any capacity beyond us all hanging out, as a group (not in an orgy kind of way). This leaves me thinking that either Jesse feels threatened by me, or he's just a vindictive bitch. Even if he does feel threatened by me, I'm the wronged party here. First he hit on my boyfriend (after moving in with him); then he tries starting shit again when he's moved on to another boy (or to one guy, and then another guy; he's on the rebound from yet another guy, so I won't call him an outright ho). I think when Michael turned him down on my behalf he got burned and now sees me as an obstacle, even if he's not after Michael anymore. This is the kind of pointless drama that I've managed to avoid in the last year, and I'm annoyed that it's cropping up now. Oh. And did I mention that Jesse used to chat with me years ago too? And that he friended me on gay.com, and implied that he was interested in me (though I wasn't interested back)? Now that I think about it, finding out that Michael (who he's hot for) and I (who he used to like) are a couple must stir some emotions in him. Then for him to go from Michael to Phil (whom Michael had sletp with last year), then to Caleb (who almost hooked up with me last year) might drive anyone crazy. Hmmm. It's Small Small Small Small Gay Gay Gay Gay World. But he hit on my man when he knew we were together, so I call that shit KARMA...and slightly funny.

There's only one guy I'm interested in having a relationship (or even just sex) with at the moment, and his name is Michael Glen Slaughter (also known as Colin in various circles). I get hit on when I'm online or at the bar. 99% of these men (and a few women) hold no interest for me at all, even when I'm single. I used to be annoyed by such attention, but I've learned to take it as a compliment and nothing more; I even appreciate it because I know there might come a time when people don't find me attractive - so why not accept these advances in the spirit that they're given? But I don't take most of them seriously is my point. The 1% that I do find attractive are often unavailable or undesirable depending on multiple factors, or even if they are available, I'm not. I cheated once, over a decade ago, and the experience taught me that cheating doesn't give me a thrill and it doesn't turn me on, and I don't find it fun or exciting or attractive...so I don't cheat. I do notice when other people are hot (and I don't expect my partners to not be attracted to others - that's just silly), and I often tell them when I think they're hot but that's as far as it goes. That's part of me complimenting people when I can, which started years ago, and is one of the aspects of myself that I like. I like to think that it balances some of my darker humor that annoys some people. But like I said, that's as far as it goes. When I used to write poetry all the time (something I miss) I used to write hot sexy poetry about people I found attractive, even if I was in a relationship, as I saw that as a healthy outlet for such tension. But even when I'm single, I can't just randomly hook up with people, which Michael CAN do, and often used to, right up to the point where he met me. For me, there has to be something more than just the physical attraction for me to not regret the activity. I've learned that by my own experiences. I understand that I'm probably a minority in the way I feel, and that's fine. I don't expect others to be exactly like me, but that's how I am, and I'm ok with that. If I'm attracted to a guy, but that other connection isn't there for me, I'd rather just jack off. Oh, and I'm not one of those guys who doesn't jack off, or doesn't enjoy it, who always feels the need to have sex with another guy (or girl) to get off, and I'm glad I'm not. That would drive me crazy! But I know LOTS of guys who ARE like that. Michael is one of them, and while I don't understand them, I know it's fairly common (I encounted those guys all the time), where as if I get horny, and I'm on my own I don't go looking for a guy to satisfy me - I just dial direct and then hop in the shower, because if I'm going to be with someone it isn't about satisfying a sexual craving; at least not to that degree. I do (for the most part) enjoy sex with a partner to sex with myself, but I don't pursue men to fill that desire - that's just a really great bonus....

Anyways...I've ranted enough.

Before I wrote this, I called Michael about the text and we talked and talked (and it was good) and Mark, who was getting ready for work came in and was nice enough to get me a water and some ibuprofen for my back. Mark also showed me his new haircut which he thought he'd messed up, but I honestly couldn't see what he was talking about in my dim lighted room with my glasses off. I'm sure he'll find some way to fix it; he's so much better at that sort of thing than I ever was or ever will be. He's sweet.

Michael eventually let me go so he could get ready for work. Before that I shouted out how much I loved him and he told me that I make him feel really good, which made me smile. Now I'm on my own. I ate and took some pain killer, which is kicking in and making me foggy. I do seem to take a lot of pain killer...but sadly, I have a lot of pain, so I guess that's just part of my survival. I do have days and sometimes weeks where I don't take any, but I seldom realize this until I need more and then I realize how long it's been and I'm always a bit shocked. That's sad...isn't it?

So Torchwood Season 3 (which hasn't aired yet) will be out on DVD on July 28; the same day as BSG 4.5, and the recent Doctor Who special, "Planet of the Dead". What's odd is that they've not released the previous Doctor Who special, "The Next Doctor", and I'm wondering why that's not been released, and if they'll release it as part of a boxed set with the other specials? and I'll have to buy this one twice or something? They've just never released them out of sequence before, which has me slightly worried. The other news about Torchwood is cool, because it means I'll soon have Season 3, and it's cheaper than previous seasons as there are 8 less episodes this season (which sucks, but saves my limited funds).

About the new Doctor Who; the 11th Doctor, and his coming to the screen, with a new companion, and a new head writer, and a new production team, and a new TARDIS, and a new everything - in my head, it feels very much like My Doctor Who is ending and a new show is beginning. That might not be how it feels when it actually happens, but that's how it feels in my head. When the 9th Doctor regenerated, I felt slightly odd about that, but the show was pretty much the same show. Rose was still there, and they followed up on many of the same things that they'd done in the previous season, while having some cracking new adventures - though there was a new flavor to things. The same thing happened with the arrival of Martha Jones, and then Donna, but while each season has had at least one major cast change - this is seems a lot larger than that. This feels like the entire series is regenerating into something else. I'm not saying it will be terrible; I might love it. But what I am saying is that I'm a bit more worried about this transition than I've been about any of the other changes since the show's revival, because this really feels like the end of an era. I think Mollie feels the same. I believe Wendy commented on this feeling last time I saw her, and I be a lot of other people are experencing this the same way we are. This is why the upcoming specials are so thrilling.

And my back HURTS. And the painkiller is helping, but the back pain is annoying, and... I'm done.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:50 PM
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Watched news. Chatted with Chris. Made friends with a fellow Doctor Who fan. Tried to not think about the horrible pain in my back. I'm thinking I'm going to sleep, read, watch Lost... or something. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:20 PM
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   Wednesday, June 3, 2009

My back was hurting really bad this morning, but has since gotten a lot better, I think. Or maybe I'm just getting used to it? I don't know. I think it's better. We'll see how I feel in the morning.

I talked to Mollie last night. First on Facebook, and then again on the phone. She's going through some crazy shit; just like always. Her fainting spells continue, but now they think they might be caused my massive migrains!?! She's had some really scary things happen, but she's in good spirits, which is better than if she wasn't. Her mother continues to worsen, so Mollie might be back with us. It's sad because people get sick...and then it takes them a long time to die, and during that time they get worse and worse and their lives become very painful and very pointless - and they end up far worse than if they'd just died earlier. It sucks that people have to die at all, but it sucks worse when your life is so beyond anything enjoyable and you're not allowed to die. Ugh. Heavy thoughts.

Oh. And Mollie did get Kenny's phone. She thanked Mark for it in her blog, but appaently he doesn't read it.

I argued with some fans today. Not fans of me, but fans of things I like. The thing is, I seldom get along with people who like the same things as me, as they almost always like them for completely opposite reasons. Annoying.

I'm tired.

I chatted briefly with Wendy. She saw the new Star Trek movie (XI) and is now loving Trek; she's currently watching the first season of Classic Trek! Crazy. I'll be interested in seeing if she ever gets to watch DS9 (the best Trek ever). Wendy is also going back to Peru, this weekend I think.

Michael came over around 8pm, and I let Wendy go after Michael got out of the shower. We cuddled and talked. And had really great sex. TWICE. Like...right in a row. I've not done that in years. It was fantastic. Sadly, LC was about to close so I couldn't get my crazy bread I wanted, but Michael wanted to go get food. I stayed here to rest up. I think I'm going to lay down.

Tomorrow is Michael's 37th Birthday. Mike Anderson, that I used to work with, will be turning 25 I think, as well.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:56 PM
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   Thursday, June 4, 2009

When Michael got back, we watched the BSG webisode series "The Face of the Enemy". I was struck by the realization that the webisodes make more sense if viewed after "A Disquiet Follows My Soul". Though the bulk of TFotE takes place before ADFMS, there are 2 scenes that take place during it, and it's odd trying to reconcile the two installments while watching ADFMS. It's easier to view TFotE as a series of nothing but flashbacks, set in the New Caprica Arc, in the later 3rd season episode "Take a Break From All Your Worries", in the spot that we just mentioned, and again in scenes leading up to the end of ADFMS - with all of these flashbacks explaining how Gaeta came to his decision at the end of ADFMS, and setting the stage for the following 2 episodes which serve as a reckoning for the character. I updated my BSG pages accordingly. I get so excited when I'm able to place a new installment in it's precise place. lol. I'm such a geek.

After that Michael paid his bills while I slept. We slept for a few hours. I got up when my back started hurting. That's when I updated my site. I worked on my cyber farm. I had an exchange with an increasingly annoying Brit about Doctor Who air & release dates. It's been confirmed that BBC America will air Doctor Who: The Next Doctor on Saturday June 27th; Doctor Who: Planet of the Dead on Sunday July 26th. Torchwood: Children of Earth will be aired from Monday July 20 - Friday July 25, and be released on DVD & Blu Ray on Tuesday July 28, along with the Blu Ray version of Torchwood Series Two, and both versions of Doctor Who: Planet of the Dead. This is also the day that BSG 4.5 is being released on DVD. All great news! Though it's unclear why 'The Next Doctor' isn't being released as well, or when & how it will come to light.

I slept some more, but barely. My back, my head and my stomach are all unhappy. I just took some prilosec & Midrin. We're seeing 'Wolverine' today for sure. I'm not sure I'll be up for T4 or not. We'll see after 'Wolverine'. I figure it's best to see Wolverine now as it might not be in theaters for much longer, while T4 probably has a few more weeks left in it.

Michael is getting out of the shower. I need to get dressed so we can go. Argh.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:08 AM
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We saw 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine', and I mostly enjoyed it. There were two minor things that were annoying. A special effect that didn't really work in one scene, and a line of dialogue that should have been cut, as it stretched all common sense to the breaking point. The only other flaw in the prequel format that I can think of, is that they don't explain how Sabretooth gets his name, or how he ends up mildly retarded in the first X-Men movie. It was great seeing the movie with Michael though. We held hands, and kissed. There was only 2 other guys in the theater. My back hurt like a mofo during the movie though.

We went to LC after the movie. Then came home. Aside from some playful diggs we're getting along great, and the day is working out so far. We still might go see T4 later, but it's not been decided yet. We still need to get a ranch dressing from LC that we forgot, as Michael used one of Mark's last night. We also need to get my drugs from the RiteAid. I just had one of my eating pills though so I'm sort of exhausted.

Michael's watching me type. I love him so much. The last 16 hours or so have been amazing and I'm very grateful for him. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:43 PM
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We layed down for a nap. That became cuddles. Which became sex. Apparently fucking is good for my back, as it always feels better during and directly after. I've been fucked 3 times in less than 24 hours. I hope my body can take it. I mean...it took it. lol. But I hope I don't suffer any negative side effects. Wish me luck. But for the record, it felt perfectly natural; it felt amazing.

Michael's going to get some food. My stomach feels weird so I'm staying here. I don't think I'm ill; it's just that now that my stomach works better I'm very sensitive about food moving through my body; probably because it didn't for so many years. I'll be fine, I'm sure. I just need to chill for a bit.

A few times today I've felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I'm not sure why. I'm not that stressed or anything. I just feel... I don't know how to describe it. I'm happy...yet haunted. Haunted by what, I'm not sure.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:14 PM
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When Michael got back with his food, he watched a movie ("Rites of Passage"), then started another one ("Sugar"); both starring cast members from his current obsession: "Roswell". I napped. Then we had sex again. lol. Later we went to RiteAid to get my drugs only to learn that my insurance doesn't really cover them!?! Issues. Erg. Then went to Kroger, then visited Mark. We were going to see T4, but it looked crowded, and I suggested we see the matinee in the morning. We then went to LC & Baskin Robbins, came home and watched BSG. Now, it's come out that Michael is going home tonight, so we're not seeing the movie tomorrow, but we're planning on going on Tuesday.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:57 PM
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   Friday, June 5, 2009

I watched an episode of a series called "Party Down", which amused me. Later I read the first story in a cycle of tales by Caitlyn R. Kiernan called "In the Waterworks (Birmingham, Alabama 1888)". I'd read it once before, years ago. I've read 2 of the other stories in this book ("Tales of Pain and Wonder"), that relate to the cycle of stories that I mean to read now. But perhaps I'll read the rest of this collection? Her books often scare me.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:49 AM
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My back has really been bothering me today. I slept a lot though. I had odd dreams. Mark worked out my perscription woes, I think. I'm listening to remixes and mashups of the Jennifer Paige song 'Crush', and the Chris Cornell song "Part of Me" which were stuck in my head when I woke up. I should call Michael. Actully, Mark just told me that Michael texted him earlier. I keep forgetting that it's Friday; I thought it was Saturday all day.

The 60th Milan Fair is closing down tonight. I've been invited to the fireworks by an old friend, but I'm not sure I can make it out there. My back is really bothering me, though I've been using heat on it, and taking ibuprofen. Erg.

I just read a new bit on Battlestar Galactica: The Plan, which now lists the movie as airing in September!!! That's 2 months earlier than previous reports; I hope this new report is true. It's possible the movie will air in September and then be released on DVD in November. It had been reported before that the DVD cut would be longer and this new report states the exact length of both versions; the tv version will be 88 minutes, while the DVD version will run 126 minutes! Nice. It's also said that the movie covers the first 281 days of the series, which would mean the movie covers through the 2nd Season Finale, "Lay Down Your Burdens, Part II" (and the Cylon exodus from Caprica) - which is what I've been guessing at; in my rewatch order I've placed "The Plan" just after that episode! ;-0) I'm going to add that to my BSG: The Plan page right now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:47 PM
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   Saturday, June 6, 2009

My stomach, which was upset most of yesterday, is feeling a lot better. My back is still hurting though. I've been working on my BSG pages. I just got all the extended cut running times from the dvds and posted those on the site, as I couldn't find the information anywhere else. Now I just have to wait for the 4.5 boxed set to see what the extended cuts are like on the 3 extended episodes: "A Disquiet Follows My Soul", "Islanded in a Stream of Stars" & the series finale "Daybreak".

While working on the BSG pages I found a few sources that state that Caprica the series starts in January. I don't know how I missed that bit of info. I just knew it that it would start in 2010. I didn't know exactly where. Nice. Just 6 months away, and plenty to look forward to until then...

Off the top of my head:

June 08 The Closer 5x01

June 14 True Blood 2x01

June 15 The Closer 5x02

June 18 Caprica Soundtrack

June 21 True Blood 2x02

June 22 The Closer 5x03

June 28 True Blood 2x03

June 29 The Closer 5x04

July 02 ST-TNG: Losing the Peace

July 06 The Closer 5x05

July 12 True Blood 2x04

July 13 The Closer 5x06

July 19 True Blood 2x05

July 20 The Closer 5x07

July 20 Torchwood: Children of Earth, Part 1

July 21 Torchwood: Children of Earth, Part 2

July 22 Torchwood: Children of Earth, Part 3

July 23 Torchwood: Children of Earth, Part 4

July 23 BSG Season 4 Soundtrack

July 24 Torchwood: Children of Earth, Part 5

July 26 True Blood 2x06

July 27 The Closer 5x08

July 28 BSG 4.5 DVD (with Extended Cuts)

July 28 Torchwood: Children of Earth DVD Set

July 28 Doctor Who: Planet of the Dead DVD

July 30 ST-DS9: The Soul Key

July 31 ST-TNG: The Last Generation

August 02 True Blood 2x07

August 03 The Closer 5x09

August 04 The Red Tree

August 04 Paul of Dune (Paperback)

August 04 Throne of Dune (Hardcover)

August 09 True Blood 2x08

August 10 The Closer 5x10

August 12 My 35th Birthday

August 16 True Blood 2x09

August 17 The Closer 5x11

August 23 True Blood 2x10

August 24 The Closer 5x12

August 27 ST-DS9: The Never Ending Sacrifice

August 30 True Blood 2x11

August 31 The Closer 5x13

September 6: True Blood 2x12 (season finale)

September: BSG: The Plan

September: The Sarah Jane Adventures 3
^guess.

October 01 ST-VOY: Unworthy

October 22 ST-ENT: The Romulan War

October 29 ST-Titan: Synthesis

November: BSG: The Plan DVD (Extended Cut)
^this is just a guess.

Novemberish: Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars

November 30 ST-VAN: Precipice

December 25: Doctor Who: 10 Finale, Part 1

January 1: Doctor Who: 10 Finale, Part 2
^guess.

Somewhere in all that we also have an animated Doctor Who adventure, and the DVD release of Series 2 of The Sarah Jane Adventures. Plus lots of other stuff that I didn't think of now, or just don't know about yet. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:58 AM
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I read a bit more of my book, which is a collection of stories. I had intended to only read a few stories that relate to some books I want to read, but have since decided to read the entire collection. I read the introduction and the preface, then read a 2nd story. The writing haunts me. I think it might take me a long while to finish this book, simply because I want to take the time to enjoy each story on it's own.

I have heartburn today. Kind of random.

I'm having trouble logging into my farm today. Hopefully that passes. And my monitor continues to die. :-0(

I slept for a bit. I sort of want to go back to sleep, and I suppose I could.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:39 PM
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   Sunday, June 7, 2009

I took a nap. I read. I talked to Michael. I read some more. I talked to Mark. A lazy day.

I've now read 4 of the 21 stories in my book. The four stories are:

In the Water Works
(Birmingham, Alabama 1888)

To This Water
(Johnstown, Pennsylvania 1889)

Estate

&

Salammbo

I've enjoyed all the stories so far. The first is connection the book "Threshold". The first seems to be a stanalone, if perhaps set in the same universe as the others. The 3rd & the 4th both take place in the same castle, with the characters in the 4th being the great grandchildren of the main character in the 3rd. The next story would seem to continue this trend, with the story centered on one of the 2 sisters that were introduced in the 4th story.

I've enjoyed all of the stories so far, and all of them have been worth reading IMO.

I'm considering reading one of the Dune prequels next. I'm also craving Clive Barker, H.P. Lovecraft and Ray Bradbury. I'd also like to track down some Charles Fort. Maybe I'll revisit some Poppy Z. Brite? I don't know. I just have this urge to read something other than Trek for awhile. Maybe a combination of all of the above? I don't know. We'll see.

I had a dream I was showering with Michael, in this odd school lockeroom setting. It was erotic, yet sort of science fiction related. It wasn't water, but this blue gel stuff that be washed in. He left me, and after I dressed there was an announcment that there was an intruder in the building, and realizing I was this intruder I tried to make my way out, only to be caught at the last instant - except I then realized I was dreaming, and replayed this scenario several times - fighting Matrix style - making everyone naked - morphing - changing the walls and my surroundings. It was wondrous. I woke up to Mark blowing his nose. lol

I've also had dreams, recently, of playing Aliens vs. Predator (the game) with my friends, only it's like we're in a holodeck, and it feels very real - and is terrifyingly cool! I've also had recurring dreams that of an unreleased Alien 5 movie, which is actually scary. I say this, because I don't find any of the Alien or Predator movies scary, but this unreleased sequel in the dream is really disturbingly scary. lol.

Ok. I'm off.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:24 AM
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There are rumors starting to swirl (see here & here) that next season of Doctor Who (2010) might be split in two sections, with the first airing around April with the first 6 episodes, then the final 7 airing around October, and leading into the annual Christmas Special. I could live with that, as long as we got full seasons of Torchwood & Sarah Jane in between. Plus the new K9 series has to start sometime soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:04 AM
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Woke up hot. With a headache. I turned down the air and took some Midrin, with shakey hands. Blah. What an odd weekend.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:06 PM
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The headache from earlier is mostly gone, but it was one of my worst ones this year. I just laid in bed in the dark, with the most unbearable pain. It wasn't one side of my head. It was my entire skull. I took 3 Midrin, and when Mark arrived with food I ate a bit with an Ibuprofen. Still in the dark. Propped up on pillows; under the covers because even with my window covered and my door closed and my computer off everything was too painfully bright. What I notice when my drugs kick in, is that I feel fine for a second, and then not the next, and then fine again. I also notice my breathing changing, and if I don't conentrate on breathing, it seems as though I'm not breathing at all (even though I am). I slept.

I had dreams about Michael (again) and his brother (he doesn't have one) and a friend, driving out into the Milan countrycide to bring me a shirt, and then me running on giant stilt like legs, home - with a girl who also ran on giant legs. When I got to my home, she ran on, and I stubled towards my parents' house and woke up.

My headache was mostly gone. I worked on my cyber farm, which has had an upgrade with new animals and hairstyles and such. I want to play until I get this one mansion, but I think the game is losing it's appeal. I did randomly notice that I now have more experience points and coins than any of my 20 some neighors in the game, which may explain why I'm tiring of it. Part of me wants to play until I get the mansion, and part of me wants to get rid of the farm. Sell the farm! lol. Maybe I'll just plant crops that take a long time to harvest and limit the amount of time I have to spend there? We'll see.

I ate some more. Chilled with Mark, who showed me a funny video about making a Leo fall in love with you (which was mostly right on, lol). I took a hot shower. I read the news and wrote this. I'm going to lay down in a minute. After I post a separate entry which Mollie will hopefully see.

Here's the video Mark showed me. Aside from the fancy food, vacation and gifts, this is sadly, probably true. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:41 PM
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Mollie Must See This:

I found out about the ad in this Time Magazine article. Why people are upset by this, I have no clue.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:42 PM
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   Monday, June 8, 2009

My right armpit hurts. I'm not sure what I did to it. But Mark has problems where he has pain in his armpits and I hope that I don't have what he has. It's not likely, as his seems to be some sort of nerve damage or something, and mine is merely random. Too much time at the computer? I don't know. It's annoying though. At least my back is almost back to good.

I talked to Michael last night. He's coming over around 2am on Tuesday morning. Also, he says we're likely going to Cedar Point the week of August 3rd. We'll see if that comes together. If he and I are still together at that point, he'll be my longest relationship in several years. Unless you count all the months that the previous Michael remained my lover despite us not being a couple anymore?

New Doctor Who rumor. It's now being said that the opening credits will include the face of the 11th Doctor. This a big change as the opening credits have been faceless since it's return in 2005, but the show used to feature the face of the Doctor, starting with the 2nd I think and going all the way through the 7th. The 8th-10th went without, and I was grateful for that, as I preferred the opening credits without it, but it's not something I'm freaking out about - except this is one more change to a program that is already changing a lot without it. New Doctor. New Companion. New Head Writer. New Producers. New TARDIS. Possibly a new style of season; split in 2 parts? New opening credits? That's a lot of change, and change is scary.

Mark & I tried out the new Soul Calibur Wii game he got. It was fun. Lot of arm motions though; it was tiring (and my armpit hurt before that). But the grapics were cool. I hope you can unlock characters and weapons in the game.

Michael and I are texting. He's going to bed. We miss each other. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:26 AM
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Mollie sent me a link on Facebook to this show called 30 days, in which this Michigan homophobic x-ian was sent to live with a gay man in the Castro for a month. It made me cry. lol. Mark said he'd seen it before.

I'm sleepy. Probably go to bed soon.

Just watched the Rachel Maddow Show from Friday. She makes me smile.

My monitor continues to do the wonky acid trip show.

I'm taking a break from my cyber farm for 4 days while my crops grow. I'll just be stopping in now and again to help out on Michael's farm.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:59 AM
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I slept well today.

Thanks to Mark, I now have 4 new pairs of pants that fit me (more pairs of pants than I've had in ages). 2 pairs are blue jeans (which I've not own in like a decade); 1 pair black jeans; 1 pair black cargo pants! Thank you! Thank You! THANK YOU!!! ;0)

Often when people buy me stuff, it's stuff I can't really use, or want, or need. I've needed these pants for a long time. I've wanted them. And I certainly will use them.

Michael should be here around 2am. I'm thinking about cleaning the condo a bit, and getting ready - maybe going to Necto. Then Michael & I can shower together when he gets here, and do the cuddle thing. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:59 PM
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Just updated the things I want page.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:24 PM
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Not going to the bar. Doing laundry and stuff.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:45 PM
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   Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Just watched some random scenes from the BSG Miniseries while I ate. It's SO WEIRD watching the start of this amazing story, but knowing what we know at the end of it. Knowing who lives and who dies; who's straight and who's not; knowing who's a Cylon and who's human - and which ones are aware of it - who end up coupled; who end up crippled; who end up finding out that they were victis of a cabal that they can't even remember - and knowing how and where it all began because of the recent Caprica release. One of the things that makes BSG / Caprica so amazing, is that it gets better the more you watch it, and the more you know about it. It a tv show that is actually a completely different experience the 2nd time around. The upcoming BSG movie "The Plan", and next year's Caprica series seem to be adding to this quality.

So say we all.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:40 AM
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I almost broke up with Michael last night. Turns out he doesn't vote. This is something that has been very important to me in the partner I've been looking for, and upsets me a great deal... Only I'm already in love with him, which complicates things. If I'd known this when I met him I'd have never gone out with him. But I DO LOVE HIM. We're not breaking up over this now. But it's in my thoughts and he knows this. Even if I broke up with him, that wouldn't make him vote, but I'm afraid him not voting will be stressful for me, and make me resent him or be ashamed of him...and I don't want that. We'll see.

I'm oddly awake. Maybe I'll go see T4 today. We were going too, but I thought I'd changed my mind. Only I'm very awake. And my face is on fire from Michael's stubble scraping me. Ouch!

Mike Anderson saw Caprica and loved it! Yay! I want more people to see it and love it. I want it to do well. The new season of The Closer started last night, maybe I should see if I can get that episode.

My jaw is making a new noise. I swear I've heard this noise before, but I can't think of when. Anyways, I'm worried this might mean even more headaches.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:48 AM
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My back hurts in the same spot, but worse than before. I think I hurt it more yesterday when I was cleaing. I cleaned my room. I did all my laundry. I cleaned up downstairs, part of which included me moving around some heavy stuff (I think that's when it happened). I cleaned up the kitchen a bit, sorted trash and plastics and did the dishes.

I did get that episode of 'The Closer' this morning and watch it before joining Michael in bed. I woke up with him leaving, saying goodbye. I went back to sleep, and just woke up. I think he left around 3.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:10 PM
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So apparently, the BSG: The Plan release date that I got all excited about, is wrong. It will most likely not air in September as it's still on track to air in November. Blah.

My computer's doing this annoying thing where I'll have a few screens open and then everything will stop working. It used to do this a long time ago, and then it just fixed itself...only now it's back, and it screwed up right as I was sending a long written response online, which I hated writing...ugh.

Oh. When I reached for my water I knocked my phone over to right side up and it's blinking. Texts and messages from Michael. I should call him.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:03 PM
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Thank You Ellen!

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:26 PM
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   Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Michael & I got in another fight last night, but it was sort of stupid. One of those stupid fights that couples have. It was very emotional and angry and stupid. And it didn't last very long, but it made Michael & I very sad, and we got over it.

Also, Michael told me he'd thought about what I'd said about him wanting to be married but not willing to vote for the right to do so, and that he's going to register to vote!!! How cool is that? I always hoped to date someone who was even more political than me, and have them force me to grow in that direction... Only I'm dating someone who isn't political at all, and I've inspired some growth. I've become what I was looking for. I like that.

Michael came over and we went to Little Caesars, and the liquor store, and a gas station. The crazy bread I had was perfection. We came home. We played Soul Calibur Legends. We had fantastic sex. We had some cuddles, and I had just found my copy of "The Thief of Always" and was going to start reading it to him, when Mark got home and interrupted us, putting an end to that. We slept.

I woke up around 3:30am. I went to facebook, and ended up chatting with Mollie and trading tips on our farms - now that I've had more experience than her on the farms I was able to help her do some stuff, which felt good; she's gonna harvest my farm in a few days. We got Robert Alfaro to get a farm. Mollie is on disability and can't work; she's passing out a lot. She's currently on these drugs that give you hallucinations until they get the right dose. Like, she was saying it looked like she didn't have skin on her hands, but she knew that she did so she wasn't freaked out. She's also lost her sense of taste (lol) - I mean, she can't taste anything. She can smell stuff, but she can't taste food, which is sad. She's hoping a recent med change will correct this. She's very happy with her pet rats, which is cute. Hopefully she'll watch BSG now that she has the time.

I screwed around online for a long while; reading up on Caprica.

Michael interrupted me while I was typing and I read what I've written so far. That's really about all that's gone on anyways. I should get some more cuddles in. Michael wasn't feeling well earlier, but we MIGHT go see a movie today before he has to go to work. I'd almost rather watch 2 episodes of BSG with him. He's so close to the end!

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:13 AM
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Michael & I saw the 11am showing of 'Terminator Salvation', which I liked. There were parts that were less engaging than others, but there was a lot that worked, and as a big fan of the series there was a lot to enjoy, and references to all 3 previous entries, while bringing enough new material to set it apart. The film explains how John (from the pre-title sequence in T2) got his scar. The photograph was back, as were cameos by Sarah Connor (voice only) and Terminator model 101. My only complaint is a minor one, relating to Linda Hamilton's altered dialogue that I can rationalize if I try. I've heard they intended this to be the first of a new trilogy, and I've heard the ideas for the 5th one, which I seriously hope never sees the light of day. I'd much rather they close it down with a single final film that wraps up all the plot threads and sets up the first 3 films.

With the 3 movies I've seen this year, I've now seen 3 of the 4 Terminator movies in theaters; 6 of the 11 Star Trek films, and all of the X-Men movies.

Michael dropped me off after the movie; he has to go home, get ready and go to work. Mark is either at work or will be soon. I'm home alone, feeling pretty exhausted. My back and my neck are still bothering me. Not sure if I mentioned previously, that my back was getting better, but I think I hurt it the other day when shifting some boxes downstairs. It sucks.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:37 PM
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Things I liked about T4:

The opening credits. I know most people won't get this, but the way the credits circled around on themselves is a revamp of the opening credits of the original. I was annoyed at first that they weren't using the theme music, but then it popped in now and again throughout the film. I would have preferred a Brad Fiedel soundtrack, but this one wasn't terrible; it could have been worse.

The Sarah Connor photograph; Kyle Reese; the closing fight between John & the Terminator mirroring Kyle's fight in T1. Nice.

The Marcus Wright storyline was awesome, and gave us new material to play with, while following up on older storylines.

Marcus's Terminator like behavior; the way he turned his head, and the way he turned back from a punch was straight out of T1 & T2. M-101 does this later in the film.

The 600 Series. "HK's" hunting during the day and other random references that match up with T1.

CDS M-101. Perfect cameo.

The explanation for John's scar in the pre-title sequence for T2 was unexpected, and very cool.

The new year for Judgment Day, John's wife Kate, and the nuclear power cores for the Terminators made good use of Terminator 3, which was the weakest link in the film series.

"I'll be back."

"Come with me if you want to live."

Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor; the new recording for John (not the one meant to be from the first film - but a different entry) is perfection.

Seeing the dark tone of the first film on display here (while slightly brighter here) brings home Kyle's arc in the first film.

Things I didn't like:

The tape from Sarah that's supposed to be the tape from the end of T1 is obviously a new recording, which would be fine, except they changed some of the dialogue, which annoys me.

John should have given Kyle the picture at the end; his not doing so doesn't mean he won't do it, but it would have been nice to see on screen.

Some scenes were a bit flat; emotionless and in the end kind of pointless. This didn't kill the movie for me, but I did notice it.

---

There are more on both lists I'm sure, but that's all I can think of at the moment.

I'm sleepy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:41 PM
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After the last entry I laid down and watched the first 3 or 4 episodes of 'Designing Women', which Michael left at the condo. My screen is so fucked up, that I couldn't watch it on the widescreen setting; I had to minimize it to tiny little square, or else it went all wonky and spastic. I eventually fell asleep, and slept until around 9pm.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:52 PM
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   Thursday, June 11, 2009

I have a new(er) monitor, which doesn't do the wonky acid trip thing. I'm slowly getting used to it. I worked on Michael's farm last night, and chatted with him on the phone, and online. I watched Terminator 3. I'm always how surprised how much I enjoy the film when I watch it, as what I think of most when I consider it, are the films flaws, which are things that could be easily fixed; much like T4; the good far outweighs the bad I think.

Oh. I remembered something else I liked in T4. They play "You Could Be Mine" by Guns N Roses. A nice callback to T2. ;-0)

So...I watched more Designing Women, finishing the first of the 4 discs; it's fun. Then I watched the 2nd episode of Nurse Jackie, which I loved. Then in a random turn, I downloaded an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, which I caught now and then when Mark would watch it about 8 or 9 years ago. I liked it then, and always intended to see more of it. Well, I watched the episode and enjoyed it and now I'm getting more. Random television viewing. lol. It's nice.

I read an interview with Ron Moore where he talks about Caprica and how that's going, and it seems to be on track. Again, it seems like we'll be getting the series in January. Cool. Not as far away as I feared.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:17 AM
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Mark wants me to drive him downtown, but I can hardly keep my eyes open. Also, if I don't sleep, my stomach is going to be upset. I'm more worried about being exhausted though. I might do it. I'm thinking on it. But I'm so tired it's not making a lot of sense.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:26 AM
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   Friday, June 12, 2009

I did end up driving Mark downtown; dropped him off before hitting Krogers; came back for him, and went to LC. Then home. I watched more episodes of SVU. Slept until about 8pm. My mother called to remind me about the rehearsal tonight. I spoke to Michael and Mark. I watched more Designing Women. I worked on the cyber farm(s). I chatted on gay.com briefly; more of a hello than anything else. Played Spider Solitaire. Listened to Music. Had an interesting exchange with Michael; I hope he'll be alright.

Later, I captured a large bug in my room. My room, and our home in general have been invaded by spiders fairly often...we have the occasional set of teeny, tiny ants. We have random flying insects that get in when we open the front door, but I've made my peace with all of that and it doesn't bother me overly much. This thing was huge though...and was near some food I was eating, which disgusted me. When I went to capture it, it escaped, and I started cleaning. I found it eventually, and caught it. I think it's somekind of beatle. I'm not sure though. I'll show it to Mark, though I think it will freak him out - maybe he'll know what it is. I've not seen anything like it before, really, but it's large. Ick.

I threw out all the food that the bug could have come in contact with (anything that was open). I'm now washing my sheets, and clothes that were on the floor. Then my towels.

I also boxed up all of my Xanth books. I had intended to read the entire series, but having read the first 4 volumes I find that I really don't like the the series overly much. The later volumes that I had read years before (volumes 10-15), and enjoyed, had inspired me to collect the series with the hope that I'd love the entire run, which would have been nice considering they are on 32 or 33 by now...only I don't love the entire run, which is very disappointing. Perhaps I'll revisit the later volumes someday as I have happy memories of a few of them (#14: 'Question Quest' being my favorite).

I made room on my shelf for the upcoming paperback release of 'Paul of Dune'. I believe I'll read more of the Dune series soon, and that volume is one I'd very much like to read as it takes place between two installments that I've read in the past. I also added to the shelf, the 2 movies of Dune that I have (the 1984 David Lynch Dune, and the Sci-Fi 'Children of Dune' series).

I have more Designing Women & SVU to watch.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:12 AM
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I can't find any new BSG news. All I get is "The Plan" will air in November, and "Caprica" will most likely air in January. I want news NOW. I want to sleep now as well, but all my bed stuff is in the washer or the dryer. :-0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:07 AM
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Slept for about 5 hours. Made it to the rehearsal almost on-time, despite a traffic jam. Everything went smoothly. I almost cried during their vows. Jordan & Jillian were there. Jamie inferred some horrible things about my dead great-grandfather. Then shortly after that Janice said some cruel things relating to me, which caught me off guard, and hurt my feelings. Janice and I usually get along, so when we don't it throws me off balance. Mark talked about how outragious her behavior was all the way home.

We stopped at Hillards to get more bottled water, as Michael Eisinger tipped us off that the water we like is on sale 3 for $10. We got 6. They're heavy though, and Mark shouldn't be carrying them, and my back is worse today than it was yesterday - and the stress of Janice / Jason drama doesn't help.

Michael is getting ready and then will come over. I'm exhausted.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:55 PM
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   Saturday, June 13, 2009

I went to bed after the last entry. I woke up when Michael arrived around 10:40pm. We spoke, but I was kind of out of it. I stayed awake, but I was still sort of asleep. My stomach felt weird and I didn't want to go out. Michael went to Applebee's for takeout and returned. We watched 2 more episodes of BSG while we ate ("The Oath" & "Blood on the Scales"). I'm excited to see the next episode with him ("No Exit"), as it explains HUGE amounts of stuff from the show, and even has a tie to the Caprica pilot episode (and possibly has even more ties to it, but that's not been explained yet). We were going to sleep, but ended up making love instead.

Michael went right to sleep. A lot of my food came back up in the shower. I don't think I ate too much, but maybe I did, plus the stress of the Janice / Jason spat was still hanging over me, and the burst of activity right after eating combined might have been the cause so I'm trying not to worry about it - and I didn't have any other problems of that nature after leaving the shower.

I played on the computer for awhile before joining Michael in bed in sleeping for a few hours. I got up around 7am. I read my e-mail and installed some new securities on my computer.

We should all probably leave for the church at noon; we're supposed to be there at 1pm for pictures, and we can't be late. I need to pick out my exact outfit. I was thinking of wearing one thing, but now I'm not sure. I'm singing with Janice at a certain point, and then my job is mostly done. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone; even Janice. We don't usually hold grudges and hopefully this will be no different.

Michael's phone just rang, waking him up. I tossed his phone to him but he didn't answer it. He asked me what I was was doing and I told him I was writing in my blog. He wondered if I was cranky for throwing the phone to him, but I just thought he might want to answer it. I think he's already sleeping again. lol

Last night there were several calls from Michael's roomie David who's tie rod snapped on his truck while he was in Royal Oak for a hookup gone wrong (despite the person in question being a doctor). David was worried he wouldn't make it home, but he managed to do just that. He even stopped at Walmart on the way, but found that he'd lost his debit card. Bad night for him.

There was also a call from Michael's ex-roomie Scott, who couldn't help David because he has Sarah's car. Sarah is the ex-gf of Melissa, Michael's other former roomie, who might be moving back in with Michael. Melissa is cool. Melissa moved out to help her ex-gf Sarah, but at the time of the call, Melissa had taken Scott's car (with Michael's other roomie Jesse in tow) to a titty bar to see Melissa's latest crush? I think I got all that right. It's a gay soap opera. And they're all bound together. Jesse has had crushes on Michael and David (and possibly me a long time ago - plus a guy that I almost hooked up with last fall). David & Scott have had sex (or not, depending on which one you ask). Scott & Michael had sex and dated. There is at least 1 guy who's slept with several of them, and probably more. It's all very incestuous. It actually amuses me a great deal.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:26 AM
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Michael, Mark & I are ready to go. We'll leave here around noon. We have to be at the church at 1pm. I spoke to Janice on the phone and we seem to have tabled our mutual bitch fest. I asked her opinion on what I'm wearing; she was at the mall trying to find something. I'm nervous, but not worried. I know my grandma is going to love the whole thing and my performance isn't that important. I have to go outside; Mark wants to take a picture.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:51 AM
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   Sunday, June 14, 2009

Mark took several pictures of Michael and I just outside the condo, then got some more stuff for the camera. He wanted to figure some of that out in the car so I drove. We arrived about a half hour early. A few people were already there. My Aunt Marge, Aunt Martha & Uncle Mike Curtis, their daughter Heather and her husband Jason and their children. Grandma & Grandpa arrived shortly after we did and Mark got some pictures of us, before taking more of Michael & I. There were many family members and family friends that I'd personally not seen in years, so there was a lot of conversation and hugs. The ceremony went off without a hitch. Our song went well. My Grandfather cried during the ceremony, which made me misty eyed. When Michael and I walked down the asile (before the rest of the crowd) on our way out we held hands. I introduced him as my boyfriend, and Mark as my ex-boyfriend and roomate for years (explaining that he's considered family) - so there was no drama there. It was all very nice.

The reception was filled with even more people. Lots and lots of cousins. People I went to school with. Children I'd looked after in church now fully grown and remembering me. It was so good to see everyone. And it was so good to be so out and have it feel so normal; there was no drama on that front either, which was something that I wouldn't have dreamt possible when I attended the church so long ago now. It really brought home how far I've come.

I could list everyone that was there if I tried I think. But the point is that there were many, many friendly faces, and much love, much joy, and many memories. It was beautiful, just as it should have been.

After the reception, I was growing tired, but hungry. I drove us to Red Robin, where we ate. After I was finished, well before my companions, I nearly passed out. I was already tired (having been asleep at that time on Friday) - and my eating pill makes me tired too. I had Mark drive us home, where Michael and I went right to bed. At some point later, Michael got up (later telling me he had a headache) and left. I continued to sleep for a few more hours.

When I woke up that night, I chatted with Mollie & Michael on facebook, and uploaded some of the Michael / Jason pictures from the wedding. Michael has been having trouble with his stomach for the last week, and has been feeling down in general. I think the stress of his job, and his current living situation is really getting to him, and I'm not sure what I can do, except be there for him. He won't be able to visit me this week, and might not see me for 2 weeks unless I can get out to his place, which will probably happen.

I had woken up with a slight headache; not a migrain; just a slight headache. Mark showed me some fun game trailers Some for Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 (which isn't being released for the PC - which means I can't play it which pisses me off). And new bits from AVP3. The graphics and gameplay do see to be an improvment over the last version, yet I'm axious to have all the details; worried that something will have been missed; and slightly annoyed that they're raving so much about the aspects of the game which were featured in the previous 2 versions - when we should expect nothing less than that by this time.

Mark also told me that his computer died!?! This is not good. This is very bad. Hopefully he can come up with some way to get all his info off of there. It worries me. He's using one of our extra computers, but maybe once he has the info off his old one (which I'm pretty sure he'll save, but even if not) - we'll maybe have new computers soon. I'm no longer draining his funds the way I was for a long while, and the car will be paid off in August - so Mark will be saving large amounts of cash on that front. Money is tight at the moment, but on his next paycheck Mark will be getting $900.00 extra for taking me off his insurance.

Mollie and I talked about random things, including her mind altering drugs, friends, family, AVP3, and farming. My headache was getting worse so I let her go to get away from the computer...

Only just as I was getting off the blasted thing, I got an update on "BSG: The Plan" and updated my page. The new info included a youtube video of a scene excerpt from "The Plan", between Cavil & Ellen, set during the first epsiode after the miniseries, "33". There was also a description of another scene between Cavil & Boomer, which had been mentioned before in less detail. The first time I heard about it, I assumed it was set in the Cylon fleet somewhere after Boomer resurrected (as seen in "Downloaded") but now it's become clear that it's set during her inprisonment, some point between the first 4 episodes of Season 2 ("Scattered" - "Resistance"). We also know there will be scenes set before the miniseries, during the miniseries, a scene setting up 1x06 "Litmus"; at least 1 scene explaining the ending of 1x07 "Six Degrees of Separation"; multiple scenes setting up 1x10 "Tigh Me Up, Tigh Me Down" (which already resonates on a deeper level with the plot revelations of later seasons); scenes setting up Anders intro in 2x04 "Resistance" & Cavil's intro in 2x19 "Lay Down Your Burdens, Part 1". Combining this with the flashbacks from "Daybreak" (the series finale) and we're getting a lot of backstory to the early days of the show, just as recent installments "The Face of the Enemy" & "No Exit" gave us a deeper understanding of events in Seasons 3 & 4. I really like how this is all coming together; especially with Caprica on the horizon, which while telling it's own stories, will also give us even more background info on BSG, with the colonies, the Cylons, Joseph & Bill Adama. Though the series has ended, it's still a great time to be a BSG fan!

After that update, and a brief exchange of texts with Michael, I couldn't stand the pain in my head anymore and finally laid down in the dark. I'd taken some pain killer which was kicking in (thankfully - because sometimes it doesn't help) - and I managed to relax while I thought about the previous day and the new BSG news - and finally to sleep around 6am.

I woke up around 9am. I answered some e-mail; checked on some other things, and wrote this. It's possible that I might see Carrie later, and lend her some BSG dvds (4.0 & Caprica); we'll see how it goes.

The Caprica soundtrack should arrive this week. And about a month from now I'll hopefully be raving about all the new Star Trek books that have been announced, but since I don't know what they are yet, I have no idea if that will be the case. The new titles are generally announced by Pocket Books at the Shore Leave Convention (which is in July this year) ;-0)

And last, but not least, it's been mentioned online that Torchwood is ready and willing for a Series 4 as long as Series 3 does well - which will most likely happen as the preview airing of episode 1 has been getting positive reviews. It's also been said that RTD wants Torchwood to continue having crossovers with Doctor Who, and that the Doctor will be mentioned in the final installment of Series 3. I'm wondering if this mention will somehow tie into Captain Jack's appearance in the coming Doctor Who Specials. It would be great if the Doctor actually appeared on Torchwood, as he is on The Sarah Jane Adventures this year. Torchwood Series 3 will be released on DVD here in the States on July 28 (the same day 'Doctor Who: Planet of the Dead' & BSG 4.5 are released).

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:42 AM
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   Monday, June 15, 2009

Sunday was relaxing. So relaxing that I can't remember much of it. lol. Nothing really happened. Oh. Except DJ stopped by. He rode his bike into Ann Arbor from his house in Saline! And he visited lots of people, and invited me over for a game day at his house today. Fun. :0)

I chatted briefly with Michael Sunday night. Later I watched another episode of SVU. I think it was the 10th Season finale. It was terrible. I expected better as the previous 6 or 7 episodes I watched from the season were mostly fantastic, but this one was crap on so many levels. The acting and direction, the script - it all seemed off. And the 'twists' were telegraphed so far in advance that it made the characters seem stupid. Actually the script made them seem stupid. Example: 2 cops tailing a possible murderer at a carnival. The suspect gets on a haunted house ride. Both cops then get on the haunted house ride and are surprised when they lose him. Wouldn't it have made better sense to have 1 cop go in and 1 cop wait outside? And they subjected the audience to the ride in the haunted house - like the people who made the show had more interest in seeing the inside of that ride than telling a story that made sense. It was so pathetic.

I also read another story from "Tales of Pain and Wonder": "Salmagundi" - great story. I'm reading so much slower these days.

My acid was really bad last night. I've been really great about taking my pills, but I'm completely out of them. I found some old low dose versions that I took long after I needed them, and Tums, but I couldn't lay down or sleep without stomach acid filling my throat and mouth - it was painful and annoying. So...I'm really, really tired.

I have to drive Mark to work so I can get my pills. I'm supposed to go play games, but I'm not sure how much fun that's gonna be for me, being exhausted. I will at least make an appearance I think. I want some crazy bread. I haven't been able to eat all night because of the acid, but it seems a bit better now. I need to pick up Mark from work around midnight. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:34 PM
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Dropped Mark off at work, after loaning him a bit over $100.00 for a bill he needs to pay; he'll pay me back after his next paycheck. But I got to help out! I've been doing that quite a bit lately, which is good for us all. lol

Went to Meijer and got my prilosec. Then called DJ to find out what time to come over. I had time to go to LC so I got some crazy bread and a soda; took my drugs. I was afraid to eat anything else as I'd not been truly medicated and I hadn't slept, so I didn't risk it. Went to DJ's while I ate. I beat them to their house by maybe 5 minutes. Bryan & Chris weren't there yet and DJ said that Bryan wasn't answering his phone. I gave it a try, then called Chris who answered. Bryan had been watching True Blood and hadn't heard his phone so they didn't know they were supposed to be there, but they arrived fairly quickly. We played this game called "Pandemic" which was really fun, but VERY hard; we lost all 3 games we played (the 2nd game DJ didn't even get a turn before the world was destroyed!); I think Mollie would enjoy this game.

After 3 games we were beat. We had lots of fun chat and chill. But it was time to go. DJ has cats now so I couldn't stay that long anyways. I had to take a detour on the way home and got kind of lost which sucked, because I'm extremely tired. Going to bed as soon as I work on Michael's farm.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:53 PM
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   Wednesday, June 17, 2009

After the last post I slept for maybe an hour before going to pick up Mark. I was exhausted. I felt like I was coming down with a cold, but I wasn't sure if it wasn't just from being around DJ's cats; being exhausted; being out in the sun and stuff. Blah. As soon as we were home I went back to bed and slept pretty well.

I felt better on Tuesday. I watched the new episode of True Blood; the 2nd Season Premiere. It was fantastic; just like Season 1. Perfect continuation. It's lost nothing, which is refreshing after the disappointment that was Heroes Season 2. I watched more Designing Women (2 episodes I think). I mostly just relaxed so I could be sure I was over the cold or whatever it was. I spoke to Michael about a planned trip to Cedar Point in the first week of August.

Also saw a spoilery pic of the 10th Doctor with what appears to be John Sim as The Master and Timothy Dalton (James Bond) playing what looks like some kind of Time Lord role? Nifty.

I slept well Tuesday night also.

Woke up around...3am? Not sure. Worked on the cyber farms. Went with Mark to Meijer to test my EBT card on Boost (it worked) and got Father's Day cards for our dads and my grandpa. Went to LC and the Bank so Mark could deposit the money he owed me into my account. Home. I chatted on Facebook with several people, including Michael's roomie Jesse who is starting to annoy me again. It doesn't really bother me anymore that he made a pass at my boyfriend - he's just really annoying.

I'm tired.

Somewhere in all of that, the Caprica soundtrack arrived and I've been listening to the beautiful music from that most of the day. ;-0)

I might go to bed soon. Or I might stay up a bit. I haven't decided yet.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:21 PM
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   Thursday, June 18, 2009

After the last entry, I actually ended up staying for another 4.5 hours. I worked on my cyber farm. I listened to the Caprica soundtrack (beautiful!) and later, NIN & Catherine Wheel. I watched some more Designing Women. And I eventually passed out.

I slept until around 2am, so about 4 hours. I worked on my farm some more. Answered e-mail. And I found that my phone, which had died at the store yesterday, was shut off. I assumed when I plugged it in to the charger and it lit up that it was now on. Only it wasn't. So when I turned it on I got a message from Mark, and several voicemails and texts from Michael - including news that he wanted to come over last night, and then news that he couldn't make at after all. I was almost grateful that I got the messages late as it would have really bothered me to have been cancelled on. Not because these things don't happen to me, but simply because I wanted to see Michael so badly.

I was going to go back to sleep, but I noticed that one of Michael's roomie's, Jesse, whom I've mentioned before, was annoying me again. The thing is, I never talked to him about when he bothered me because I thought it would blow over, but it was starting to build up and so I decided it was time to talk to him about this. The following exchanges happened (and have been given to Michael):

Jesse,

This is going to be a long message, and I'm sorry about that. I decide I want to talk about stuff and I just get going. Michael may have mentioned this. lol. But this is mostly a very serious message and I just want to preface it by saying that while I'm serious about all these things, I don't want you to think that I'm gunning for you because I'm not. I just don't like to keep things bottled up and things are starting to build up - and it's not healthy and it's not honest or helpful to pretend that it's not going on. So here are my thoughts in relation to you. Thanks for reading this.

Firstly, I see that you deleted all my comments on your page. I only gave you advice about that guy because you ASKED me. I'll refrain from such advice in the future as you apparently don't really want it. But just so we're clear, if the above message is any indication, you haven't understood my advice and you're certainly not following it (which is completely your choice). You don't seem to be happy on your own; as every message you post seems to be a rave about a nice thing some boy made about you. I hope it works out. I really do! But I also hope for a time when you don't have to depend on someone else to make you feel complete, happy, or whole.

Ever since you've come back into my life i've been trying to figure you out. I honestly don't know what to make of you. When we used to chat on gay.com you hinted that you liked me and then you disappeared. That didn't bother me at all, as I don't put much stock in such things. Gay.com people come and go all the time, and I was only ever interested in you as a friend anyways - and I've got plenty of those. lol. But that's how I met you. But the person I've come to know in recent weeks is a mass of contradictions. You're up. You're down. You're all around. One minute I want to strangle you and the next I'm worried if you're going to be ok or not. And I'm telling all this to you directly because 1) I don't want you to feel I'm talking about you behind your back. 2) It seems like the most decent thing to do. And 3) I like to dial direct. 4)It's the only way things can improve (communication is key).

So we met online ages ago, and then that didn't lead to friendship, but it turned out you were friends with Michael who I'd just started dating. Funny what a small world it is. But then you told Michael that you saw me at Backstreet when I wasn't there. I'm sure it was an honest mistake (there are a lot of bald gay boys these days), but you held on to that for a long time - which was annoying because I was telling Michael the truth about not being there. I've only ever been there twice in my whole life and I wasn't impressed either time. And on the night in question I was ill. Honest mistake or not, it could have caused trust issues between me & my bf at a key juncture - I'm just glad it didn't.

Then you moved in with my bf because you needed a place to stay. Nothing wrong with that. But while you're sharing his bed (because all the others were taken), you tell him that you have a crush on him - even though you knew he was dating me. Thankfully Michael reminded you he was dating me. Michael told me about this right after it happened, and asked me if it was a problem; both you sleeping in his bed, and you living there. I told him that I thought you were a good guy in general (despite me being annoyed and pissed off that you made a pass at him) and that I had no problem with you living there (you're welcome), but that the bed thing had to stop - so it stopped. I've been hurt a lot by people who pretended that they were my friends...so this incident between you two stirred old memories and hurt me more than you could probably understand. Yet Michael's actions made our relationship stronger, and his understanding of my feelings saved us from a bitter end.

Then over the next few weeks you talked about suicide. And then you were in love. Then you wanted to die. Then you wanted to date. And I stopped being angry at you, and started feeling sorry for you. You seem so lost! And I hate seeing anyone in that kind of turmoil, so I gave you another shot. I just wanted to give you a hug and tell you everything would be ok eventually.

But you're not making it easy.

There was the thing with Caleb. I'm not even sure this counts as this one could be a big misunderstanding. But you'd hung out with Caleb like less than 24 hours after being hurt by some other guy you'd fallen for (who's manhunt proflile says he's not interested in a 1 on 1 relationship - so he's pretty open about that - and he just happened to have slept with Michael a year ago, but I digress). I met Caleb once last year and made out with him at a bar. And we talk online and text randomly, so we have each others numbers; we've never actually spoken on the phone. I've never seen him again in person. I think he's attractive and funny and all kinds of other stuff. But for one reason or another we never hooked up and I was fine with that and I'm sure he is too; he probably doesn't even think about me. It didn't break my heart. I didn't even give it a second thought. And it didn't bother me at all to hear that you were hanging out with him. I thought it was cute and I hoped it would be something cool for you guys. I chatted to Caleb one night and we talked about the night we met. It wasn't anything important - and we definitely didn't talk about hooking up, though he suggested a double date might be fun, which I thought had potential. Only the next day I hear from Michael that Caleb texted you in the car and you explain my conversation with Caleb to Michael as Caleb & I talking about hooking up. Maybe Michael just didn't say that right (he sometimes chooses the wrong words and things come out different than he meant them) - but what it sounded like was that what was an innocent conversation between two guys who had a passing attraction for one another was now being distorted into some raunchy talk about hooking up in the present behind the backs of the boys they were seeing (if you guys were even seeing each other) - which was NOT the case. I was single for months and never called Caleb or made plans with him. And I'd be crazy to do so now. Michael is the best thing that's happened to me in years! He's just the most amazing guy I've met in ages...and I don't want to do anything to hurt him, or lose him. I wasn't looking for this. I wasn't looking for a relationship; a boyfriend or a lover. But I'll always be grateful that he found me and was honest with me and thoughtful of my feelings and worries. And I hope I've been the same for him.

Something else. You say things, and then later you take them back. Like when you bitched about your roomies talking about you behind your back, only later you say that you wrote that because you were bored - like that means it doesn't count, or you didn't mean it or something? Like you just say random things about people when you're bored. Which is just silly, because that kind of complaint it extremely common and completely valid. Roomies talk about each other behind their backs pretty constantly. It doesn't make any sense to suggest that the complaint was written out of boredom...or if it does, I just don't get it. Or when you said you wished you could be with your father soon, who when I asked, you told me was no longer alive - only to get offended when I mentioned this only days later (less than a week) - like we hadn't just talked about it. Or when you asked for my advice and then completely ignored it, distorted it, and then finally deleted it. Or when Michael leaves a message that he wants to talk to his boyfriend, and you say that you let him vent to you all the time (like it's the same thing - which could be construed as another pass btw) and then you write another comment 1 hour & 47 mintues later (after getting no response) saying you realize it's not the same.

Taking all this into account, I find it impossible to trust you and so I don't. I don't trust you. But I don't hate you. I don't want you to suffer and I'm not going to be mean to you unless you give me a reason to. lol I don't think you're a terrible person. I just think you have a lot of problems, and that you need to work through them, and I hope you're able to do that and live a long, happy, full life - with many friends. I even hope things work out with the new guy, though the timing of it in light of your other troubles seems really unhealthy. I'm even willing to give you 1 more chance and be your friend if you want me to be - but this odd double talk thing has to stop. Trust has to be earned. I won't just give it to you the way I did when I first met you, or heard that you were part of Michael's world.

I'll be giving a copy of this to Michael so he knows what's going on between us - because I don't want there to be any secrets between Michael and I.

And now all my cards are on the table. I've said everything I needed to say. And you can decide what happens next. Think about it. Get back to me. Or don't. It's up to you now.

Jason

He responded:

im not tring to come inbetween u or michael i let him vent to me only as a friend. i should of just lived on the streets maybe thats where i belong. the caleb thing there was nothing there at all. so sorry for missing my father. if its a big problem then tell michael to tell me to leave and ill try to find somewhere else to live so im not the problem btw u too.

[Incidentally, one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone uses the word of instead of have! And while punctuation doesn't have to be perfect (though it's nice), most people know how to capitalize the word "I"]

I responded:

That's not what I said. Please try to pay attention.

Michael asked my permission to let you live there, and I gave it. I still mean it, and would tell him the same thing today in a heartbeat. I don't want you living on the streets. As I've already told you, I don't hate you and I'm willing to be your friend.

Do you want to be my friend?

I just wanted you to know that I KNOW what has gone on, and things aren't great between you & I. If I just ignored this then I'd end up hating you and I don't want that. So please don't misinterpret these messages as some kind of attack on you. I'm expressing my feelings - and part of those feelings is that I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I don't think you're evil or something to be thrown out on the streets.

And I didn't say anything about you 'missing your father'; miss him all you want; that's completely normal. But you were talking about WANTING TO DIE - which is completely different, and you know it! You can miss the dead without wanting to join them in the near future. Your first message blatantly said "I want to die" - then the next one was about hoping you'd be with your father soon (who you later told me was dead) - which means that in order to be with him again soon you would also have to be dead. Do you see how people might be concerned about someone who said those things?

I would never tell Michael to get rid of you. Never. The thing is, even though you're behavior has annoyed me in the past, I've never, ever been threatened by it. I don't think Michael will ever cheat on me and if he wanted too there woudl be NOTHING that I could do about it. So not having you there wouldn't solve any thing. Either he loves me or he doesn't. Either he'll be faithful or he won't. And if I have to make him get rid of people in his life to keep him from cheating then I'm not interested in being in a relationship with him because that's no way to live. I only asked him to stop the bed thing because at that point I wasn't sure how far you were going to take this crush of yours, and things can happen when you're asleep that would never happen when you're fully awake.

Do you understand what I mean?

If you don't then let me know and I'll try to explain it again. The point of these messages is to clear up any confusion between us.

I don't hate you.
I don't want you on the streets.
I don't want you to suffer.

Do you understand those sentences? I mean them.

But I do want you to stop pretending that I'm insulting your father or your feelings about him when you were talking about something completely different.

And I do want to make sure you know that I'm aware that you made a pass at my boyfriend right after you moved into his house, while sharing his bed, even though you knew I was dating him.

And I do want you to know that despite that, I was part of the decision making process that allowed gave you a place to live.

I've been more of a friend to you than you've been to me. And that's what's bothering me. If you want to be my friend, then let me know, and if you don't, then just be civil when we're around one another. That's all I ask. And I don't think it's asking for too much.

- Jason

And so far no response. I need to take a nap or something.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:26 AM
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Finally got my facebook stuff in order. I can now get some more sleep. Michael and I talked on the phone this morning and we're good. He's coming over tonight around 8pm, though he has to be out of here around 5am. Sounds like enough time to watch 'True Blood', the essential "No Exit" episode of BSG, sex, and sleep. That's my plan anyways. ;-0)

Oh there were some more Jesse messages around 8am - he wrote:

whats kinda of pass did i make to him? i told him the crush was over? and the sleeping part i dont even think he told me bout i started sleepin on the couch on my own if i can remember rite or maybe he did? im leaving the friend part up to u i never said i didnt like u or anything.

I responded:

When did you tell him the crush was over? Before or after you moved in? Because what I"ve been told is that you told him you had a crush when you moved in. That it's over now doesn't matter. The way I heard it you told him you had a crush on him when you moved in, and you were sleeping in the same bed with him. Are you telling me the crush was over BEFORE you moved in? Are you telling me that you didn't spend the night in the same bed with him at his house and tell him you had a crush on him - knowing that he had a boyfriend? This is why I'm talking to you. I want to know these things. Please answer my questions.

Again. Simple question. Do you want to be my friend or not? It's very simple. And I've asked it several times. And you haven't answered me yet. Just say yes or no. It's not that hard.

Jason.

*this part was added after 4pm just to simplify things - this conclude the Jesse / Jason drama*

he responded:

i dont have a crush on michael im not a relationship recker. yes

I responded:

Ok. I was pretty sure you're crus on Michael was gone. And I'm assuming the "yes" in your reply was in answer to wanting to be friends with me. That's cool. But you seem to be avoiding the other questions. Here; I'll copy and past them here:

When did you tell him the crush was over?

Before or after you moved in?

Are you telling me the crush was over BEFORE you moved in?

Are you telling me that you didn't spend the night in the same bed with him at his house and tell him you had a crush on him - knowing that he had a boyfriend?

If you did these things then please admit to them. Forgiveness will be yours. I just don't like loose ends.

I look forward to us being friends.

Jason.

him:

yes i told him the crush was over after i moved in. i laid a couple nite in the same bed but nothing happened im not like that to screw anything up i only slept in the same bed cause scotts couch wasnt comfortable to lay on so i stopped it and laid on the small couch. i said i had a crush but i know u have a man.

Me:

I'm curious what you would have done if he'd responded in a postive way to what you told him. But since he didn't I guess there's no point going there.

Thank you for answering my questions.

;-0)

Him:

to ease ur mind nothing would of happen im not that type of guy to hurt anyone or to do something stupid like its been done to me.

and Me:

Thanks Jesse.

----------------
The End.
----------------

Not sure I really believe the last bit. But I don't see how it matters as it didn't go that way. But that's the long and short of it. Well, just the long, really.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:18 AM
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OMJ!!!!!!!

It's now been said that Torchwood Series 3 will air in the UK sometime between July 4-10 (most likely July 6th - July 10th); meaning 10 days before the United States, and 18 days before it's released on DVD...I'd planned on waiting for the DVD's but now it appears I'll be downloading it yet again ;-)

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:38 PM
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   Saturday, June 20, 2009

Can't write too long; don't have a lot of time.

Friday. My stomach was upset, so I did almost nothing. I didn't do anything online. I finshed off the first season of Designing Women. I went to bed around 9pm.

I slept for 8 hours. I have dim memories of a terrible thunderstorm.

After waking up I found a new trailer for "The Plan", and you can see that on my "The Plan" page.

Also found this trailer; I want to see this movie:

I worked on the farms this morning. Now Mark & I are getting ready; he's dropping me off at Michael's, then going to see his mom. Michael will bring back here later.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:20 AM
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   Monday, June 22, 2009

So Mark dropped me off at Michael's on Saturday. The garage sale was pretty lame. It was hot. Jesse & David were there; I think Jesse hooked up with some random guy; a "friend" of his, from Monroe. Melissa was there for a bit; nice to see her again. Eventually we closed down the sale & left for my place. We stopped to see if Varian was working, but she's on medical leave. Varian and I used to be good friends but I've not seen her in about 7 years I think. My friend Karen told me where she works now (an eye care place) but anytime I'm over there it's closed; this was my first attempt to see her. She should be back to work in early July, so that's cool. The old doctor guy hit on me. lol

Then we went to McDonalds, and then my place. We had sex. We went to LC & Baskin Robbins; I had pizza for the first time in months. We watched TRUE BLOOD. I had a great phone conversation with Mollie. Michael and I went to sleep around 7pm I think, and got up around 1am. We watched Moulin Rouge (which Michael had never seen) then went back to sleep. We're very cuddly.

Michael left early the next morning after some more fun. I worked on my cyber farm and watched some stuff. Did stuff online. Showered. Watched the recent Graham Norton finale, and last weeks installment of The Closer. I went to bed around 10pm and slept for a few hours before a text from DJ woke me up. I was upset to be woken up, as I was having a really intense dream about tornados. A few years ago I had a series of recurring dreams about tornados which were fascinating to me as they were a new element in my dreaming, but they stopped coming to me after some relatives of mine were in a tornodo themselves. I just assumed that some weird link between us caused the dreams (or my wacky brain was done being wacky), but in the dream last night I spotted a funnel cloud, and Michael, Mark & my cousin Michael Curtis all spotted other funnel clouds. We ran into my grandmother's house, where I looked into my grandmother's eyes and said: "Alright now Grandma, it's time for you to teach us how to be brave." - then the phone woke me up!!! Argh. I want to know what happened next!

Anyways, the text from DJ was asking me if I had gotten a voicemail from him. He & Bryan & Chris are getting together today for another round of games, and they wanted to know if Mark, Michael & I would like to join them - around 6pm. Mark will be around today at that time, as randomly, he'll be working at midnight instead of getting off at that time. Michael should be here too. I want to go, but last time I was around his cats, my allergies kicked in later and I was miserable. I texted him back that I'd think about it.

I went right back to sleep and slept until 6am. That's 8 hours. I took my prilosec and went back to sleep; waking up at around 8am when Mark got home from work. We talked about my dream, and his work, and his physical therapy appointment, and Michael and all kinds of stuff. He left for his appointment. I called my grandmother and we talked about my dream, and got a tiny little fight about her hypocrisy concerning 'wicked' people. lol Other than that, the chat we brilliant. I left Janice a message - and she got back to me saying she'd drop off my Doctor Who DVDs at Grandma's sometime soon and call me when that happens. She was pressed for time so we didn't get to talk. I got a text from Michael and left him a voicemail, then started reading the next Voyager book (having decided that I'll keep reading a short story from 'Tales of Pain & Wonder' between each book that I read). Mark texted me and left me messages asking if I wanted him to bring home food, but I ate while I was reading, and had just finished - so I was in no mood for food. I then wrote this.

Michael's coming over today and staying the night.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:28 AM
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Michael came over and we had cuddles and sexy time...then a shower. I worked on his cyber farm; got it all in order, then plowed mine and planted a section of cabbages. We watched some Justice League, but Michael was really tired so he's napping (as is Mark). We're going to DJ's later; we have to be there at 5pm; stopping at LC on the way there. I think we'll probably run late though as Michael is exhausted, and Mark might go as well, though it's less likely.

I've been thinking about (shocker) Battlestar Galactica. NO SPOILERS here for anyone who's seen the first few seasons, really; nothing specific. I was just trying to figure out why some fans aren't excited to see the new movie "The Plan" which is set during the first 2 seasons and will explain a lot of different things...or more precisely, why I seem to be more excited than the majority of fans online (though I do find one now and again who IS excited about it, they are rare). Looking back on the show I think I've figured out the answer. If you look at the majority of my favorite episodes -

Season One:
1x04 Act of Contrition

Season Two:
2x18 Downloaded
Battlestar Galactica: Razor [Extended Cut]

Season Three:
3x09 Unfinished Business [Extended Cut]
3x17 Maelstrom

Season Four:
4x11 Sometimes a Great Notion
Battlestar Galactica: The Face of the Enemy
4x15 No Exit

The thing all of these stories have in common? Flashbacks. These episodes give us new information about the characters' histories; often time changing the way the characters or previous episodes can be interpreted. That's basically what "The Plan" is set to do. Even episodes I don't love are sometimes tied to flashbacks that I do enjoy. Though there is at least 1 eception to this rule (3x08 Hero). Anyways, I thought that was kind of interesting.

I'm hungry.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:03 PM
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   Thursday, June 25, 2009

Michael left on Tuesday (taking the first 2 seasons of Justice League with him); I've never really watched it on our big screen tv; it looked amazing. Watching Justice League again inspired me to work on my DCAU continuity based chronology, which I've not looked back on in about a year a think. I made some real progress Tuesday & Wednesday, but that's basically all I did and I felt like a Zombie afterwards. Oh. I did take a break to watch True Blood 2x02; fantastic!

This morning I woke up at 8am, after not sleeping well, but couldn't get back to sleep. I took a fast shower, took out some trash, then went with Mark to the Bank, K-Mart (to get sweats for Mark), Best Buy (to buy a Wii game I've been wanting, with coupons), Kroger (for groceries), LC for food, to Mark's work (to drop him off), back to K-Mart (where I bought a shirt, 3 pairs of shorts and some underwear), and then home again. I also talked to Michael on the phone during part of that.

It was hot and sunny earlier but it storming now, pouring rain with lots of loud thunder, and the lights flickered once. I went to cancel my gay.com premium profile (which would have renewed at more than $80) but the site gave me a free extra month to think about it. I'll still cancel it then, but maybe an operator will offer me a better price? If not, I can live without it. I hardly chat on it at all lately, as Michael is never on.

I need to do some laundry. I need to read some Buffy comics. I need to sort some stuff. I really hope the power doesn't go out.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:59 PM
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So far the power has stayed on. There was something like a flash flood for a bit though. It was crazy seeing the water rush by on the sidewalks and the parking lot; the sidewalks looked like streams leading the parking lot river! Cool! ;-0)

I started a load of laundry, including all the clothes I bought today, which I tried on again; I think I'm very happy with my purchases. And with my recent gift by Mark of 4 new pairs of pants I feel like my wardrobe has been somewhat energised. If I had a job I'd probably be spending a lot of money right now on clothes...though if I had a job I'd probably have spent all my cash on movies and stuff and it wouldn't have had the chance to buy clothes, so I'll take this as a nice quirk of my unemployment. Silver Lining and all that.

I've sorted my clothes into the piles which need to be washed. I brought up some clothes from downstairs that need to be hung up in my closet. I put Mark's sweats on his bed with the receipt. I bagged up the bathroom trash with some garbage from my room and downstairs. I just feel like getting stuff done today.

Except that I just got hit in the face with a truly terrible migrain. Saw spots and everything. I took my midrin right away, plus an ibuprofen. I've been taking the ibuprofen lately to spare my liver and to make my midren last longer. Hope it clears up soon. I want to get more stuff done.

I so need to clip my nails. And shave. Though I probably won't get to the shaving part until tomorrow at the earliest; Saturday at the latest.

I wish Michael was here.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:32 PM
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It's raining again. It had stopped for awhile. But it's back, with the thunder and the lightning. My headache is still here, but less so. I clipped my nails. I bagged up still more trash. I put the first load of laundry in the dryer and started a 2nd load in the washer. I rinsed the dishes and started them up in the dishwasher. I'm starting to organize my closet a bit, but pulling all that stuff out has made a mess of my room. The drugs have started kicking in, and because I've not slept much I feel like passing out, but I still have so much I want to do!

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:22 PM
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   Friday, June 26, 2009

After the last entry, I finished the laundry I had going. I put away the clean dishes. I took out more trash (that was not a comment on my social life). Michael Jackson was announced dead! I had read about Farrah Fawcet(?) dying that morning. Right after hearing about MJ I heard there had been a Tornado sighted in Dundee, which brought back the dream from the other day. I called Janice's house to tell her about MJ & the dream stuff, but she wasn't home. Jerry (her husband) answered the phone and we talked for a bit about the recent celeb deaths and the fact that it was his birthday. I called Janice's cell and she was at Grandma's and had brough my Doctor Who dvds with her.

I showered and dressed in some of my new clothes; went out to Grandma's to visit with Grandma, Grandpa, Janice, Jillian & Jonathan. It was a nice visit. It's always great to see the kids. Janice took the time to pull me aside and give me an update on Jordan, which made me feel good to be in the loop. When it was time to pick up Justin & Jordan from the church Janice needed to take Jill & Jon to McDonalds so she asked me to watch for Justin & JJ. While I waited I talked on the phone with Carrie. Then me waiting turned out to be rather pointless as right as they got out, Janice arrived anyways. lol. It was still nice to see them, and we talked about finding a day soon when I can visit with Janice's family for a longer time.

I went to Carrie's after that to give Adam the dragon ornaments that Michael had given me for him. I had bagged up all the dragons separately, so that the broken dragons would be kept with the broken bits that went with them. I wasn't sure Adam was into dragons anymore but he is, and he was delighted with the present. I also gave Carrie BSG 4.0, plus Caprica. We hung out in her room for a bit and talked about boys, and eating disorders and clothes and stuff. It was nice. I couldn't stay long becuase I had to pick up Mark from work (plus I'm allergic to her cats) and away I went, feeling that the visit with Carrie / Adam was very nearly perfect. :-0)

On the way to Mark's work, Carrie called me asking me a BSG question, which assured me she was excited to watch the DVDs, which is cool. It's annoying when someone borrows dvds from me, and then doesn't watch them for a month or something. I'm experiencing that right now actually, and while there are circumstances (not talking about you Mollie - though I do wish you'd hurry watching BSG so we can talk!) - it's still annoying.

Mark & I went to LC for Pizza. The gas station and post office while we waited for the food. Then home. The pizza was good, but pizza (though I love it) is like, super hard for my stomach to digest, even with my pills - it just sits in my stomach for far longer than anything else I eat these days - so I'm trying to limit my intake of it, which sucks.

I did still more laundry and talked to Michael on the phone. Chatted a bit. And eventually went to bed. I slept well, I think. Woke up around 8am again. I read all the news. Sent some messages. Worked on the cyber farms, even though I didn't feel like it. I kind of want a break from them, so I planted crops that take 4 days to harvest. I'll try to stay away from them until Tuesday and go from there. That leaves me free to do more cleaning, spend time with Michael, and work on my DCAU guide.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:30 PM
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So...there was a delay in getting stuff done. I did start washing my towels, but Mark & I played our new Wii game (which rocks), which is fun, and we kept playing. We're planning on taking a walk soon (which was part of my plan for the day anyways) so that's cool. I need to put towels in the dryer, and more in the washer.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:45 PM
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Ended up not going for that walk; Mark and I had a little fight; silly really. I worked on my Batman viewing guide and finished my first draft of what I thought the first year of the show should be. Then I found a few problems. lol. I'm trying to fix it, but as I try to do that I find more stuff is broken. I might have to just keep it the way it was; that might be the best way, but I'm going to try different things. I can't believe I worked on it for over 6 hours!?! No wonder I'm tired.

I've also managed to get more laundry done (my last batch of towels are in the dryer).

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:06 PM
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   Saturday, June 27, 2009

I can't sleep. This isn't good.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:13 AM
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When I finally slept, I had surreal dreams. I was trapped in a huge mansion that I wandered for hours. Room to room; place to place. There were whole worlds inside. There were other men there that I knew and lived with. There were little toy like castles bottled up, with tiny doors, that were other worlds as well. There was some wisdom imparted to me at the end, that I no longer remember. It was beautiful and haunting.

My back hurts again. Not sure what I did. It isn't as bad as a few weeks ago. Maybe I slept on it wrong?

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:10 PM
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I'm getting a headache. It's inconveniant, as I was getting stuff done. I'm doing more laundry. I took a shower. I put my clean clothes away. I now have pants and shorts to choose from, which feels nice. But the pain is spreading fast. I took a hot shower to see if I could get away without taking my meds, and it felt slightly better while I was in there, but I ran out of hot water really fast for some reason. So I just took my midrin; I'll have a snack, and hopefully this blows over quickly. I want to get more stuff done today, and Michael will be here around 8pm. Perhaps he'll help me get some stuff done; he's told me he'd love to organize my closet. lol.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:24 PM
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My headache is mostly gone. I picked up most of the clutter in my room, and though my closet doesn't look like I was hoping it would, I did improve it a great deal. I made my bed, and did more laundry (my last load is in the washer). I picked up stuff in the living room and sorted some trash. I vacumed my room and sorted some clutter on my desk. All I really want to get done now is to clip my toe-nails, scrub the toilet, shave, and shower. If I have energy after that, perhaps I'll go for a walk; or maybe I should wait for Michael to get here first? We'll see.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:48 PM
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I took a break. I got my white shirts out of the dryer, and now I'm drying my last load of laundry (white socks and underwear). Still need to do the other stuff I mentioned. I guess I should get that done so I'm finished for when Michael gets here.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:40 PM
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Except for the last of my laundry, which continues to dry, I'm done. I've finished everything I set out to do today. I'm ready to relax, and enjoy my evening. ;-0)

Michael should be here soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:51 PM
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Michael's here! ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:01 PM
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   Sunday, June 28, 2009

Michael and I cuddled. Corey called me to ask some questions about Necto. Michael & I went to LC. Then home. Then played Wii for several hours; still enjoying the new game. Then we went to bed around 2am. Michael had to go to a meeting in the morning, and I'll see him again Wednesday. I was going to go to see a band play with Carrie, but I forgot until after the show was over, and by then I had a headache. The headache was undoubtedly caused by laughing too much. My jaw is fucked up so I get headaches from laughing or eating or talking or giving head. Earlier I was laughing and eating and talking - so = headache. My painkiller should have it under control soon.

The cause of my laughter? Mollie Baker. She called and we talked and talked about Farm Town, family, drugs, drug reactions, seizures, money, shopping, memories, boys, friends, movies, Star Trek, Kirk, Mollie's odd fixation on William Shatner (lol), Battlestar Galactica, You Tube...etc. We were interrupted by a call from her Mom. Hope everything is ok.

FUCK

my head hurts.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:05 PM
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My headache is mostly gone.

Mollie called me back and we talked for a bit more. Then Chris called me and wanted to know if she & her friend could borrow the first 2 seasons of BSG on DVD. Then I talked to Mollie some more until Chris and her friend arrived. I got their discs ready; they borrowed the first 2 seasons (including Razor) and hope to have them back to me by the end of the week, when I'll give them Season 3, then when they get that back to me I should have Season 4.0 back from Carrie to give to them.

Anyways, they left, then I talked to Mollie some more. Then I chatted with Mark a bit, and then layed down for a nap. Only just as I fell asleep the phone rang. I didn't answer it, but I couldn't get back to sleep. The message was from Charles who still has some dvds I loaned him 8 months ago, and has time available to get them back to me, so I'll probably be seeing him relatively soon.

And that's about all for now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:35 PM
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   Monday, June 29, 2009

No Spoilers in this post; feel free to read.

I rewatched the final 4 episodes of BSG (the final installment is 2 hours long), and I enjoyed them so much more now that I could watch them one right after another. On television, week to week, these episodes seemed to drag, but in quick succession they work wonderfully. I've also made my peace with the problems I had with the finale, and now accept it as brilliant. I had a similar experience with 4.0, where some episodes seemed not to work, but on DVD they played beautifully. I enjoy a lot of shows on DVD better than on television, but BSG seems to be an experience that works best in that medium, and I'm jealous of all the fans that will come to the show on DVD (hopefully catching it all in the correct order), and finishing it in a matter of weeks instead of months or years. The same goes for Caprica, which I'll be watching every week from the start, whereas I at least got to see the first 3 seasons of BSG (including the DVD version of Razor) in a matter of weeks.

I talked to Michael before bed. He's watched several more Justice League episodes now, having finished "Twilight", "Tabula Rasa", "Only a Dream", "Maid of Honor" & "Hearts & Minds". The next story he will be watching ("A Better World") is probably my favorite Justice League story, in that it's dark and brilliant, and leads to some of the best installments of the series.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:37 AM
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Mark & I went for a walk earlier, and then to LC. I've been working on my DCAU guide ever since. I've made a lot of progress, I think. Batman: The Animated Series has 87 installments, so I split the series up into 29 episode years (1992-1994). And I've got those all figured out, with 1992 ready to go. I just need to settle on an order for the other two years.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:44 PM
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   Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Mollie worked on my farm after the last entry. We talked on the phone during. She harvested my crops while I plowed. It was fun. Then I let her go so I could drive Mark to work. I decided that I'd drop him off, come home and go to Necto as I was having a really great day, and felt like going out. I had fun at the bar. I danced. Exercise is good. Saw random people I know. A girl hit on me, but I politely declined. It was all good. I came home sweaty and smokey; responded to a message from Chris about how far she & her friend have gotten watching BSG, and then took a hot shower. I planted my next crop, harvested Michael's farm, plowed and planted his. 4 Days until I have to go back to the farms again.

After this something happened that I'm not ready to talk about. I'll come back to it later I'm sure. Don't ask me about it.

I have to pick up Mark at 7am.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:18 AM
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At about 4am I worked on Michael's farm on Facebook. I'm able to do this because I have his password, as he's encouraged me to have complete access to his life and no secrets between us. I resisted this openess at first, yet his point was made. He wanted me to trust him, and knew that I'd been hurt by men in the past, which made trusting another nearly impossible. He's told me I can read his e-mails, which I don't do. He's made sure to post to all his online profiles (gay.com, myspace, facebook, manhunt) that he's in a relationship with me. He does this to ease my mind, and it's worked.

When I went to his page I noticed that he'd left a chat open on his facebook between himself and my best friend Mollie. It was minimized and I assumed he'd meant to close it, as he's left other chats like this in the past. I was just going to close it by click on the little x but I missed (my hands are often shakey) and I maximized the conversation instead. I was still going to close it, but my eye caught the name Adam. Michael was asking Mollie if I knew Adam. This made me think that Michael must know Adam, so I scrolled down this fragment (of a much larger conversation that I felt no need to read) to see what the context was, and was floored by the revelation that Michel was trying to get Mollie out here to visit for a party.

I almost fell off my chair. I almost screamed. I almost cried. I almost called Michael. I almost called Mark. I almost called Mollie. I almost did all of these things, but ended up doing none of them. I was so in shock; so overwhelmed by such a mix of emotions that I couldn't clearly identify them. I completely zoned out. I was numb. I was nothing. I finished the work on Michael's farm, while I cried. Then I got sick. Then I cried some more. I tried to sleep, but I had to pick up Mark in an hour.

When I picked up Mark, I was still numb. I was almost certain that Mark was in the know about the party, but I didn't want to talk to him about it. I wanted to talk to Michael. So I didn't tell Mark that I knew, and that I was suffering and that I was confused and that I was all torn up inside over what to feel and what to think. It was...horrible. Mark's coworker Sean asked me how things were going and I tried to smile and say I was fine, but I don't think it was very convincing. Mark didn't seem to notice though, or if he did, he didn't press for details, for which I'm grateful.

When we got home, Mark went to bed, and I tried to process all the emotions I was feeling. Slowly I started understanding the onslaught I'd been subjected too, and why I couldn't sort it all out at first. It was just too much.

Now you're probably wondering what the big deal is, as this would apparently be a good (albeit spoiled) thing...this surprise party. And it is. Which is why it's so confusing. This is complicated, and the emotions involved are complicated...

Soon after I met Michael I told him about the surprise party that Mark & Mollie & my friends (but mostly Mark) had thrown for me on my 30th birthday. How it was this wonderful memory that I wouldn't trade for anything. But that in some ways, it was so overwhelming for me that it was almost painful. I remember being so shocked by everything, and so overcome that I couldn't process my emotions on that day either. The party was held in my favorite restaurant at the time (I only eat in certain places) - but I didn't eat any of my food. I couldn't eat. I couldn't feel. I mean...I did feel. But it was so much joy at once that it was almost painful; almost agony. It's hard to describe without sounding ungrateful, but that's not what I mean. I just mean that while the experience touched me and moved me, that I hoped to never relive it.

Michael was the first person I'd ever expressed this to. Not because I didn't trust my friends to 'get it', but because he was the first person that I thought to tell. It was one of the moments that carried us forward. Something that was completely a Michael / Jason thing, that nobody else had touched.

Not long ago; last time I saw Michael I think, Michael's behavior in relation to my upcoming birthday had become odd. He said certain things, and did others that made me feel like I he was planning something. I had mentioned to Mark once that I though he was planning something weeks before, but I had put it out of my mind. But when it came up again, I asked him if he was planning a surprise party for me. He looked me in the eye and told me he wasn't, becaause I'd told him that wouldn't want to have that again, and (here's where it gets even more complicated) I was happy that he remembered something that I'd shared with him, yet I felt a slight disappointment that I would be getting no surprise party.

Which brings me to the complicated mix of emotions at finding out the truth.

I'm touched that Michael went through all this trouble. I'm moved that he knew me well enough to know that having Mollie here would be the best present I could ever have. I'm warmed by the knowledge that my friends were working with Michael to bring me such a gift. I'm confused that Michael would do such a thing after I'd told him about my previous experience and how I didn't want to repeat it, and that's after the confusion of realizing that some part of me DID want it. I'm left wondering if Michael knows that some part of me did want it. I'm disappointed that Michael left that chat window open and spoiled the surprise. I'm grateful that Michael left that chat window open and spoiled the surprise, because if the party had happened as planned I would have hated it. Not because it was a surprise party - I'm sure I would have cherished such an experience. But because I now have this perfect memory of looking Michael dead in the eye and hearing him lie to me, convincingly, and me believing him. I'm hurt by the lie. I'm confused by the lie. I'm finding it hard to trust him at all now. Now that I've seen him lie to my face, as I still maintain that the reason Mark and I are not a couple is because of the lies that he told me with such conviction that I found it impossible to ever trutly trust him again. If the party had happened as planned I'd have been crushed remembering that lie, and would have had to pretend to be happy until everyone had gone home. I'd have had to pretend the tears I shed were happy tears...when they weren't. I'm sure I'd have been just as confused by my emotions on that day as well.

I'm not upset about the planned surprise party. I'm not upset about my friends' involvement. I'm not upset about Micahel wanting to give me this wonderful surprise. I can't express that enough. What I need to be understood is that when I examine the hurt feelings they only lead back to the lie. It's the method by which this surprise was going to be delivered that hurt me, and understandably so. It could have been handled without lies.

Michael called me a little after 5pm. He wanted to know how I felt about him allowing his ex-bf Scott to move back in with him, because he feels sorry for him. Scott was horrible to Michael in the past, and was abusive in their last encounter before being thrown out - and then almost cost Michael his job by causing drama and spreading lies about Michael. I held Michael's bruised body while he tried to understand Scott's horrendous behavior and now he wants to know how I feel about Scott moving back in because he can't pay his bills?

I couldn't answer him. I was too wrapped up in my own emotions. I tried, but didn't get very far. I confessed that I knew about the party and how I found out. I began explaining my mix of emotions, and why I didn't call right when I found out, and how I was glad that I gave myself the time to sort it out. I exlained that I knew that he had the best of intentions, but that when he lied to my face he'd crossed a line. All he had to tell me when I asked is that he was planning something, and that he wanted it to be a surprise - and to leave it alone. And that's all he'd have to say. No need for lies. But now I have this...image stuck in my brain that I'm afraid will never leave (because that's how my fucked up brain works) and it's him assuring me that there is no party being planned, only their is, and I believed him; I believed he was telling the truth and he wasn't. And it makes it so hard now to trust, no matter that the intention was good - the execution of said intentions is the problem. I told him I understood his side, and I do, but he also has to understand that all the things I've told him about being unable to trust men have just come flying back into the room and now I'm left where I was when we started.

I know that this probably seems silly to some people. But all I can say is that this is how I feel and I can't get by it. It has to be dealt with. And I want to deal with it. I love Michael. I do. I love him. I love him more than anyone I've dated in over a decade! Trust will have to be built again, now. That I'm even contemplating continuing at this point speaks volumes about how I feel about Michael. Because deep down I believe he did lie with the best intentions, not understanding how devastating I would find that misstep. I feel like if I can impress upon him how seriously this hurt me, and how a future repeat of it would affect me...then maybe it won't happen again. And maybe someday I can let my guard down again. That day just isn't today though.

I wasn't able to talk to Michael on the phone for long. He had to let me go because he was at work and was starting to cry. He's messaged me a couple times while I wrote this, but I just had to finish it. Being cut off by him when I was finally releasing all this pent up emotion was annoying.

I feel better now.

I feel...relieved.

I feel like things aren't as bad as they could have been. This situation can still be salvaged. It wasn't all for nothing.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:18 PM
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