Sunday, December 13, 2009

I later joined Michael for my favorite Sarah Jane episodes, followed by Season 3 of Torchwood. During the opening of the 2nd installment I went back to sleep, waking randomly now and again, but waking finally just before "Day Four", working on the farms, and then watch the final 2 installments with Michael, before he went to sleep.

Michael managed to watch 12 installments in the last 12 hours:

31x12 Enemy of the Bane I
31x13 Enemy of the Bane II
31x14 Dreamland
31x15 Prisoner of the Judoon I
31x16 Prisoner of the Judoon II
31x17 The Mad Woman in the Attic I
31x18 The Mad Woman in the Attic II
31x19 Children of Earth: Day One
31x20 Children of Earth: Day Two
31x21 Children of Earth: Day Three
31x22 Children of Earth: Day Four
31x23 Children of Earth: Day Five

He has 10 more before to watch before the Christmas Special, which airs a week from Friday. I think he'll finish sometime this week. Easy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:56 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

Went back to bed after the last entry and slept another 7 hours! Awesome. I've not been sleeping that well lately, so that was an unexpected surprise! Also, Michael doesn't have to be at work until 9pm! Which means I'll still get to see him for awhile. I'm craving those Christmas themed boxes of Russel Stover chocolates in the worst way! I think a few of them might not work with my fucked up jaws, but the creamy ones would be heaven right now. I also want to fool around with Michael, though I'd like to eat first. I'm starving.

I was going to have a shake last night, but Mark had put my last 2 things of tofu right under the spot where the cold air comes out and 1 of them was frozen solid, while the other was half & half. I moved them so they would thaw. I wonder if they're ready yet?

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:46 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Monday, December 14, 2009

After the last entry, I thawed the tofu, had a small snack, then went to Kroger with Mark while Michael watched more Sarah Jane. When I got home I had some of those chocolates I mentioned and some more snackage, while I joined Michael for more Sarah Jane. I started cuddling with Michael, when I rememebered I hadn't taken my Reglan, and went running to throw up...continuously...they way I used to do every fucking day. Michael was a sport about it. And I later got him off before he headed home to get ready for work. He shut my bedroom light off for me as I climbed into bed, not really thinking I'd be able to sleep.

Mark came in after awhile and again turned off my light as he left, and then I slept until Michael called me, and then I slept until he texted me. Then he called me again. He was home from work and going to sleep. He told me how he only has 3 more Whoniverse episodes to go, and online stuff that he'd done. I went to his Manhunt profile to save some things he'd told me he'd deleted, and I got some random messages from people...I'm sure it's nothing.

I worked the farms. I read some news. It's chilly in my room. I'm gonna lay down again actually.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:11 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

Never laid back down. Never went back to sleep. Chilling today. In kind of weird mood. Feel out of it. I wish I had a job. I know that in itself sound random, but when I had a job, and I felt like this, I'd go into work, and it would sort me out. Only I have to find a job that pays more than my food stamp money, AND has insurance that pays for my perscriptions (which cost me $1.00 with my state insurance, but cost WAY more than that without) - otherwise it's not worth it financially. It's terrible. Erg.

I called Travis (ex-bf circa 2001), after he texted, and we talked for several hours about his pain and his troubles, and my recent pain and troubles, and I think I helped him out a lot. It may have helped me a little too; I'm not sure.

I talked to Michael shortly after that, as he'd texted me while I was talking to Travis. He works until 6pm. I may see him tonight, or tomorrow. Possibly both. Not sure yet.

I seem to be hungry a lot today. Maybe because I've been doing a good job eating SMALL meals today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:12 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

Since watching Torchwood the other night, Michael has watched 7 more installments of the Whoniverse:

31x24 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith I
31x25 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith II
31x26 The Eternity Trap I
31x27 The Eternity Trap II
31x28 Planet of the Dead
31x29 Mona Lisa's Revenge I
31x30 Mona Lisa's Revenge II

He has only 3 more installments before he's caught up:

31x31 The Gift I
31x32 The Gift II
31x33 The Waters of Mars

The next 2 specials close out Season 31 of the Whoniverse (though I suspect a future episode will be tucked between 'The Waters of Mars' and those final specials):

31x34 The End of Time, Part I
31x35 The End of Time, Part II

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:49 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

Chatted most of the day. Met this guy, Brian, who has a boyfriend. It was nice to chat with someone who wasn't hitting on me. Spoke to Travis briefly also. Michael called me on his way home from work. We talked about Christmas, and how I'm not invited to his family's Christmas get together (which is being held this Sunday); Michael has forbidden me from getting them all gifts, as I have no income at the moment. Bah Humbug.

I'm getting a headache. Took some Midrin. I'm sleepy. I've been up since around 3am. Michael is gonna do laundry and watch the Season 3 finale of Sarah Jane, then call, and probably come over here to watch "The Waters of Mars", then sleep over. That's the plan anyways.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:49 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The plan for last night went wrong. My headache was worse than I expected. It was a classic migrain where your senses explode; touch, taste, smell, sound - it was all too much. Michael called as asked if I wanted Crazy Bread (something I usually LOVE) and I just said no thank you. Mark was playin Rock Band which started really hurting me, but I didn't want to spoil his fun, but I couldn't put ear plugs in cause Michael was coming over. When he arrived he had a pizza and the smell was so overpowering I had to have him go downstairs, but then the smell lingered so I had to open my door, so I finally had to ask Mark to stop playing, which he graciously did.

Michael eventually joined me, and cuddled and we slept.

I woke up around 6:30am. I got Michael up after a bit. We fooled around. I showered, and Michael cleaned up. We tried working on our farms together, but Michael couldn't connect to the internet; something Mark has to help him with, so we planted beets which take 4 hours to grow, figuring Mark could help us later. Michael played a game, and I made a shake - except I've been taking way too many of my Reglan pills lately - they keep me from vomiting, but I'm not supposed to take them all the time, which I have, because the vomiting is gross. I didn't take it this time, so I was only able to have half my shake. :-0(

Michael's cool about all this, and we're about to watch "The Waters of Mars" - Michael just took a smok break. He just came in my room smelling of mint and smoke. He says I'm writing about him again. I love him, though I do wish he wasn't a smoker.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:00 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

We watched "The Waters of Mars"; Michael is all caught up on New Who. He kept drifting off and closing his eyes during it, which I hate. Usually I enjoy watching things I've seen before with other people, but with him I feel like I have to watch HIM when we watch it together, so I end up not enjoying the watching itself. We should just watch things separately, I think. Except we're watching the Christmas & New Year's Day Specials together. Hopefully he'll stay awake for those. I'd hate to have the final 10th Doctor's stories ruined in any way.

I keep throwing up. I don't know how I used to do this every day, and work, and smile for customers, and make friends, and keep friends, and date. It's just...terrible. Perhaps I've become spoiled. For awhile there I almost felt normal.

I have to be in Rochester tomorrow at 1:30pm to get my bite splint. I hope this one helps me. I hope it's not uncomfortable. I hope I get used to it fast. I hope it doesn't trouble or hurt me like the last one did.

In 2 hours, Michael & I will harvest our farms again.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:19 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I was so crabby yesterday. Everything was frustrating me. It didn't help that Michael & I fought about his family not wanting me for their Christmas day (this Sunday). It's been so long since I've had to deal with anti-gay familial politics that I find I've lost all stomach for it. It's disgusting. It's hurtful. They are hurting me. I think much of my frustration with the day was because I let their bigoted decision and Michael's inaction hurt me. But I think that's understandable; I mean, I have several interactions with Michael's relatives in the past, including his mom & dad and sisters and niece, so this random insult hurts more because it wasn't expected. And if this is a 'Christian' thing to them, someone should tell them that they got the fucking thing wrong - do they really think Jesus would have asked that I not be there? Serously? He used to hang out with prostitutes and corrupt tax men. He taught by example, not exclusion. This is just homophobic bullshit. Of course it hurts more because Michael is mostly going along with it. If he can't stand up for the man he claims he wants to marry, then that's his problem. I understand why he's not doing more, because he doesn't want to risk losing his family, or time with his sisters and niece - but it's still frustrating that the situation even exists. It's not right. Ugh. It's not right. And it's not Christian. And it's certainly not in the Christmas spirit.

We managed to find out my dad is ok, or at least he's alive. I'm supposed to get a call from him this morning, but it hasn't happened yet. He's been hanging out at Abe's Coney Island, just like he always has done. Hope to see him soon.

Michael later decided that he wanted some alone time, which actually helped my mood. It helped center me a bit I think. And in a few hours time I was back to being myself, or what I think of as myself. The only odd thing was first brought up by Michael, but then lingered in my mind when it was revealed that Michael would be home alone for the night - which was that he later said he was bored, tired and horney - and that he was lonely - which made me wonder if he wasn't testing himself, to see if he could deal with those feelings while being on his own, without giving in to having sex with another guy. By all accounts he seems to have succeded and if that was his intent, and if that's the case I'm very proud of him.

Shortly after Michael left he called me to ask about parking at UofM Hospital, telling me his father's sister Suezanne was being transferred there. She has cysts on her liver and she was hemmoraging. I asked Michael if he wanted me to go with him, but he said no. This reminded me that seeing me (Michael's GAY BOYFRIEND) with Michael might upset Michael's family, bringing up more feelings from our earlier argument, leaving me feeling helpless and unwanted. But I told him I'd be there if he needed me, and gave him the info he required. It turned out she wasn't at the hospital yet anyways, so Michael headed home, though he later spoke to her.

Mark went with me to see if we could find dad last night, but when that was a bust we went to Michael's to pick up my Doctor Who and chat a bit, then visited Chris, and then Carrie. I also got to talk to Janice & Jordan on the phone. Going to Chris & Bryan's place was sort of painful, as it's less than a block from where Michael cheated on me with a guy back on August 21st; and as the parking for that guy's place is so weird, it's possible Michael even parked where we did. I tried not to let it bother me, but it's tough. I returned "Lost Season 4" to Chris and loaned her BSG 4.5, with The Plan & The Face of The Enemy included. Going to Carrie's helped my mood a bit. She lives really close to where I've had several adventures in my life, including meeting my dad's current common-law-wife Jan, going out to eat with a one night stand back in August 2006, running into this guy I liked on the street, Elvis & Anthony's house...the list goes on; happy or odd memories helping to soothe the recent painful past. Carrie looks great; she has this neat haircut that reminds me of Sharon & Susan's cuts in the original Parent Trap - which pleased her when I mentioned it, as we both love that movie. We stayed and chatted with her a bit. I had a really bad headache though so we headed home around 8:30pm.

When we got home, I harvested my farm, chatted with Michael, and went right to sleep.

I woke up around 5am. There were some texts from Michael asking me if I could visit his Aunt Suezanne at UofM Hospital today, as none of the family has the time to visit today. I said yes, I'd gladly do that. It makes me feel good that I can do this thing for this woman, who wants to see me, who is a part of Michael's family. It's intersting to me that while Michael's parents don't want me at their Christmas celebration (which includes only people I've already met on several occasions and never had a negative word for), I'll be going to the hospital to visit with (and hopefully spread some cheer to) Michael's father's sister, whom I've never even met before. You'd think that I was the Christian and not them. Odd.

Anyways, after some exchange of texts I tried to get back to sleep but it just wasn't happening. I got up for a bit. Eventually jacked off and showered. And finally sleep took me again. I woke up around 8:30am. I read some news, and took care of my farm. Facebook seems to be messed up today. I have that appointment at 1:30pm. I'm craving a shake, but not sure I should risk it...we'll see.

Oh. And I read something of a spoiler for next season of Doctor Who - confirmation of something I'd read about a month ago. Anyone who doesn't want to know this should look away now.

Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler

The Weeping Angels (from "Blink") are coming back! As was previously reported, River Song will also be returning, and if the reports I've read are true, then River Song actually appears in a 2-parter featuring the Weeping Angels. I'd read several details that seemed to suggest the return of these monsters, but hadn't dared to believe they were true. Cool.

I have an odd pain (more a discomfort really) in my side. I hope it's not something to worry about.

It's cold in my room, which is rare.

I've not read my book in several days; I should get back to that sometime today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:06 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Thursday, December 17, 2009

Got my bite guard yesterday. It's probably easier for others to get used to them, but my teeth ALWAYS touch when my mouth is closed, and so it feels really horrible. Blah. I'm trying to use it though.

We got LC later, which was good.

Went to the hospital and visited Michael's Aunt Suezanne. She's really cool; super gay friendly; lots of gay & lesbian friends in her lifetime. Very cool. Said that Michael was her favorite nephew, and not to feel bad about the Christmas thing as she's never invited either and that her brother (Michael's father) is weird. She told me all kinds of family stories. Plus she told me she dislikes Scott and worries about Michael. We seemed to hit it off, and I hopefully distracted her from her pain for a little bit. I helped her get to the bathroom, and opened her gingerale for her. I left when she began a meal. I told her I'd visit again if I could.

After going home and showering and changing, Mark & I went to Kroger. I got a pnemonia(?) vaccine; won't need another until I'm 65. I got some bread and listerine and some non-ice-cream. I resisted the chocolate urge.

When we got home we learned our downstairs computer had burned out. :-0( I think Mark fixed it though.

I slept for a few hours, but when I woke up to a call from Michael (waking from dreams of interacting with old movie stars, in black & white) my bite guard was not in my mouth. I know it wouldn't fall out on it's own; I must have removed it in my sleep, which worries me.

Michael got an e-mail from an ex-lover; one of the men that he cheated with; one of the ones who was really cruel to me. They have a history though and if they want to chat they can, but I just hope Michael tells him that he was wrong to cheat on me and that it will never happen again - that's all I ask. And then they can talk about whatever they want. And if we ever meet, he better be respectful to me. That's all I'm saying.

I can't get back to sleep, so I signed onto Yahoo hoping to chat with Michael, but he's watching "V". It's funny because I didn't give it to him for him, but for David. I've been getting more info about David than I ever needed to know. Ugh. Anyways, some old friends (not ex-bfs or lovers or anything like that) are chatting me up on there, so I should go.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:57 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

I chatted with Michael some more. Sent him some messages. Chatted with him again. Slept for a few minutes with the bite guard in, but woke up. Not sure why. I think it's my tummy; it's very upset, but I'm not sure why. It's not been like this in at least a week and for that I'm grateful. I tried to go back to sleep, but it's not working. I still have the bite guard in though. I figure if I have to ride this one out, at least I'll get some time with the bite guard in. Though I might have to take it out in a bit so I can eat and drink. I don't want to get dehydrated.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:59 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

I'm confused. And though I love Michael completely, and I fully expect I'll discuss it with him shortly, this is the kind of confusion that long time friends could help me with before partners or family, I think. I'd love to be talking to Mollie right now...or maybe Paul, or Jennifer. Perhaps I'll give Paul a call later. He's had his share of confusions, and is bound to be non-judgmental. What time is it in San-Francisco?

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:44 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

So I've been taking my Reglan pills too often, so I ate without taking one awhile ago. I'm really hating this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:08 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

Got to talk to Paul and give him Part I of the Jason Is Insane Saga. He's gonna call me later tonight for the sequel, where we get to the real heart of the issue. Hopefully it helps sort some of this out for me.

I traded some texts with Michael, who had obviously worked on his farm. I finished that up by planting some crops which should be ready by the time he gets home from work.

I seeded some messages for him last night as well. Perhaps one day he will open and read them. Probably tonight, as he called me on his way to work and I mentioned them. I left messages at 2 of his e-mail addresses, his gay.com & manhunt profiles, plus Facebook & Yahoo.

I worked on my farm.

I spoke (in vague terms) to Mark about what's on my mind, but found I couldn't talk to him about it in detail yet. I just need to figure this out. It's a complicated sex puzzle that's been warping my reality with increading velocity. Yet if I handle it wrong it may lose it's magical allure and I'd rather not do that. It's a fragile thing, this cage I'm in.

I started getting a HORRIBLE Migrain. I took Midrin and ate; the pain killer is very intense right now. I feel stoned.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:22 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Friday, December 18, 2009

I've been staring at my blog...trying to figure out where to begin. So much has happened in such a short period of time. I can't do this right now. It's too complex, and I'm too exhausted. I need sleep.

I hope Christmas isn't as sad as it seems that it might possibly be. Even Doctor Who can't cheer me at the moment.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:19 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

I called Michael and I cried for a good hour. Wracking sobs & tears welling out from the heart of me. I then followed Michael's advice and visited with Mark. I tried to find some laughter, but it hurt just as much. Listening to music and dreaming of food, and sleep. I feel too much.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:22 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]