Sunday, October 10, 2010

Had a great date with Matthew on Friday. We watched "Heart of Ice" (B:TAS) and talked and eventually had 'the sex' which was great actually; relieved a lot of tension. He went home fairly early. I later went to Necto to see Shawn Walker. On my way I stopped at Aut Bar where I saw several peeps, then picked up Felix on my way out, going to Necto together. Lots of stuff happened. Lots of people were seen. Lots of laughter, a bit of drama, a bit of everything really. I got home around 4:30am. Exhausted. Didn't get to sleep until around 5:30am.

Saturday, Michael found out about the sex with Matthew and freaked out. He wants me back. He doesn't want me having sex with anyone...even though he'd had sex with 3 people in the last 8 days, 2 of which were unprotected. Double Standard...yet understandable emotionally. I love him. I want him to be happy; want us to be happy, but it just seems like we'd be better off as friends.

Also, Friday I was able to keep down 3 meals!!!! Saturday wasn't as lucky. I had eggs and soy milk (small portions of both) and it all came back up. :(

Went to Aut Bar last night. Saw Shawn Walker, his friend Brandon, Tom, Jared, Brian, Ryan (who told me that my sort-of-friend Jesse is dating his ex-bf?) - had fun but I was tired and my stomach was VERY upset. Came home and went to bed.

Today. Woke around 11am. I just ate and took a bath. I need to find my phone; it's not where I usually sit it; it might have fallen out in the car. Matthew and I were supposed to see a movie today. It still might happen; it depends on how my stomach deals with the food I just had. I like him.

This guy on Manhunt, Jay, recognized Michael in my pictures though Michael's face is blotted out - he recognized Michael's body. I knew that they'd been lovers before I met him, and that they've had sex recently, but it was kind of a shock. Plus he's one of those boys who knows Michael as Collin. Weird.

I miss Michael and hope we'll be able to continue our friendship.

My stomach is very unhappy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:11 PM
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   Monday, October 11, 2010

Stomach was very unhappy yesterday. Blah.

Michael had some major money troubles; lots of drama and horribleness. I went to his place to give him a hug. Chilled. Cuddled. Talked out a lot of our troubles.

Today we hung out with Scott, who needed to do his laundry. Then I picked up Little Caesars on the way home for me & Mark. The food was good and mostly stayed down without taking a pill...which is very good news.

I had a dream about 'Wicked' last night. I dreamt Dr. Dillimond was talking to me both before and after his murder. It made me want to reread the book but I can't find my copy (yet). I ordered "A Lion Among Men" and I may read that while I try to read 'Wicked'...we'll see.

Might be heading back to Michael's later.

I have to meet my dad at Abe's tomorrow at 11am.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:21 PM
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I found my copies of 'Wicked' & 'Son of a Witch' so I may start reading those today. Not sure.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:06 PM
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   Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Monday night I went to Michael's and watched some Ally. Talked and stuff, but couldn't sleep there so I headed home. I didn't get to sleep unril around 5:30am. I woke up around 10:30am on Tuesday. I had to get up and rush though I only wanted to sleep. I was 20 minutes late arriving at Abe's in Ypsi to meet my father who was nowhere to be found despite me waiting for 40 minutes; only his coffee cup remained, and the assurances of the wait staff that he was there only a moment ago. They also said that my father had waited over an hour, which means he was there considerably early. I left him a note saying I was sorry about the delay (there was construction) and left phone numbers for me, Mark & Janice (who opted out as she's sick with a dreadful cold). I was very disappointed in my day what with the lack of sleep and not even seeing my father for my troubles. I had planned, with Mark, to attempt to get some good photographs of my father that day so I was very sad about the lost opportunity.

I came home and took a brief nap. Later that night I got a text from Michael letting me know that a boy that likes to suck him off ("Jay") had contacted him about hooking up and Michael wanted to know my thoughts, as he'd confessed to me the other day that he was in love with me and not interrested in other men. I told him to go ahead and do it; that it didn't bother me if he got a blowjob...but then the idea came up that I could watch which turned me on a lot...only after a bit it turned how the guy didn't want to be watched...and Michael let me go to have sex with him (though I had been trying to suggest he say no and we find a more willing candidate), leaving me high and dry.

I went to Michael's and talked to him after I'd calmed down. I told him I didn't care if he had sex with other people. And I don't. We're not a couple. I love him, and want him to be happy and satisfied...and I want those things for myself too. And our complex relationship took another turn. I'm not sure how to express what happened...it's almost a blur in my mind, but our odd friendship which features elements of love and lust and deception is continuing to evolve. Do I see us ending up together like the couple I once imagined us to be? Not at all. That dream was ruined, and the man I dreamed about wasn't even real. This is something else. Perhaps a friendship more akin to the one I share with Mark, yet completely different. I just mean to say that my friendship with Michael is crossing several lines that most of my friendships do not, and the only other person this is true of in my experience is Mark. Michael and I are attempting to forge something alltogether different, yet just as rare and complicated.

It should also be noted that several lies that he's told me in the past several months came to light and Michael has openly told me truths that he needed have done...which I appreciate. Honesty can be difficult, but lies almost always hurt so much more. Besides, the truth turns me on. And I look forward to being aroused by many truths to come if I can be.

After tucking Michael in to bed, though I was tired, I picked up Shawn Walker and took him to Aut Bar. He's been having a very rough time of it lately and I'm constantly busy and these few hours were (despite my need of sleep) the best I could come up with. We had a nice visit, seeing several friends at the bar. We then came back to the condo where I made us some food and introduced him to Absolutely Fabulous :) Later Mark drove us all out to Benny's Bakery where I treated us all to doughnuts, before we dropped Shawn off and headed home.

I harvested my Farm Town. I slept a bit, cuddled with Mark. Later he showed me some computer stuff. I jacked off. I showered. I watched Tuesday night's Glee ("Duets") & Caprica ("Retribution"); I enjoyed both to a degree - I think Mollie would REALLY like that Glee episode!

Speaking of Mollie, she had to put her pet down to end it's suffering. She's depressed. This worries me.

Also, my ex-gf Jennifer has admitted herself into a hospital because of depression. She was on two anti-depressants but they weren't working for her.

Also, Shawn is DEPRESSED. Michael is going through money, work & home drama; he's moving within the next 2 weeks to live with his grandmother.

Mark's estranged yet dear friend was discovered to have died a long while back without Mark's knowledge...

I think I mentioned that I learned that my friend Preston died in July; I found out last Friday.

Lots of darkness swirling about.

Michael should be heading over soon; he's gonna sleep with me here; he has tomorrow off.

My copy of "A Lion Among Men" arrived today and I've begun rereading "Wicked".

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:23 PM
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I just got a voicemail from this morning when I was asleep; my father called. He got my note. He says in the message he'll call back but he hasn't yet. He doesn't have a phone so I can't just call back to the number he used.

Michael called while I was typing that. He'd fallen asleep which is why he's running 2 hours late. No worries.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:31 PM
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   Friday, October 15, 2010

Michael slept over Wednesday night, which was wonderful. Mark left to visit his parents Thursday morning and came home around 10pm. Michael left shortly after him. I spent much of the day organizing and uploading pictures to Facebook. Later Michael and tried to find people for him to fuck while I watched. It finally happened about 40 minutes ago. It was hot (I came hard and a lot) yet worries me a bit as well...it was unprotected and I feel a bit weird that I got off to activity that might hurt him and prevent me from ever being fucked by him again. But he's been having unprotected sex fairly often and would have if I wasn't watching...so...whatever. He says he wants me back and will get tested in 3 months in which he doesn't have sex so he can fuck me again. I don't know that it's worth all that. I love him and want him to be happy. I'm also a bit spaced out though from Midrin; I had a horrible headache earlier which is THANKFULLY gone now. I need to get dressed and pack and head to Michael's for the night. After that...who knows?

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:29 AM
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Went to Michael's last night. Watched some Ally. Gave him a really great massage (handjob included), and then we cuddled, talked, and slept. We talked about the sex that I'd watched and how it made me feel: a little guilty, a little sad, and a lot turned on. A little shocked that a guy you don't know can just come to your place, take your cock & your cum, and leave without even thinking about cumming himself... Stuff like that. We also talked about us and how our complex relationship is ever changing. Also, Michael started packing before I came over so many of his shelves were empty which added to my Midrin haze of sadness. I've had a lot of memorable times in that apartment and soon I won't be allowed inside and he won't even be there.

I slept well despite my stomach being upset. I woke when Michael got up to get ready for work at 9am. I was tempted to stay in bed but I needed to get some groceries, head home to harvest my farm, process more of what's going on in my life, sort more pictures and visit with Carrie & Mark.

The farm thing was slightly annoying, but usually it's fun. It was just something I didn't want to do today. The thinking helped. The groceries were needed and appreciated. The picture sorting went well (I'm nearly done with September and can then move on to October...though I have some random January ones that I never did). The visit with Carrie was a pleasure.

Mark & I met Carrie at the Kerrytown Peoples Food Co-Op on 4th Street. We walked there which was nice; Mark took some pictures of me on the way there in the leaves, just as I've been planning to do for days now. The walk was nice. The hanging with Mark was better. When we got there we joined Carrie for conversation and more pictures. We ended up chatting with the boy sitting next to us (Eric?) who had to run but got my webpage address; 27, equality sticker on his computer and possible friend. Cool. Carrie drove us home so she wouldn't have to pay for parking to continue our visit which lasted about another hour I think. It was all good.

While Carrie was there, Michael called with a strange favor to ask, in about 2 weeks, when Michael is living in Plymouth, he'll be working at the Ann Arbor Meijer for 2 weeks and wanted to know if he could stay with me & Mark for those 2 weeks. I said sure. Then realized he'd be working with and supervising a guy that he cheated on me with which I brought up and Michael said something about dealing with. I've not heard from him since but he's still at work I think.

I ate while Carrie was here and I've managed to keep it all down with no pills. My stomach is SO hit or miss lately. I sorted a few more pictures after she left and then got very sleepy. I stripped down to socks and underwear and then got into bed - slept for about 4 hours. Really good sleep.

Woke up a bit after 8pm. Did some Facebook stuff and called my cousin Ilene about maybe playing euchre on Sunday...and then I wrote this. I'm not sure what I'll be doing next. It's Friday night and I could go to the bars but I'm not sure I'm up to it. Maybe I'll work on more pictures...or read some more 'Wicked'? I don't know. We'll see.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:25 PM
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