Sunday, November 1, 2009

My jaw has been locked for over 24 hours now. It's not locked to the point where I can't eat, which is good. But I'm worried it might stay this way forever and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do about it.

I spent my Halloween night with Michael and Mark, watching Halloween episodes of Roseanne while Mark worked on Michael's computer. Maybe now that his computer is working and he has internet we could chat online once in awhile. I miss those AIM chats. Silly; I know.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:59 AM
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   Monday, November 2, 2009

Sunday, my jaw was locked most of the day but unlocked in the afternoon hours. I've started wearing my old bite / jaw guard though it hurts if I wear it for too long as it doesn't let my jaw settle - though it keeps my jaw from popping for awhile. Hopefully my jaw doesn't lock again anytime soon.

I got lots of rest. I got to talk to Michael on the phone, and then later online, which I'd really missed. Something about chatting online, on my cam, brings back happy memories of when we first met. I'd love to chat with him on gay.com or something like that, but he might not go for that; not sure.

I took some midrin with some breakfast, and a hot shower...and now the pain from my jaw is better. I wish I had something to do at the moment, but I don't know what to do with myself when I'm alone these days. I wish I was passionate about something again...but there's nothing.

I'd go climb in bed with Michael, but my jaw pain is still there (slightly) and I shouldn't drive on my meds. I wish I could go over there and fuck him; I've been feeling like Topping lately. Maybe in December if this all works out.

My fantasy life is getting stranger and stranger...and I'm sharing it with Michael, which is cool.

Also yesterday I tried some miso soup, which wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good either. I might try it again. I also tried cream of wheat, which was gross. Maybe because Mark make it with water, rather than a non-dairy alternative to milk - so it wasn't creamy so much as....sandy. lol. Michael says I should try oatmeal. So, while I didn't get anything great out of the experience, I've continued to try new things. Go me. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:37 AM
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So much for my hopes. I was eating and my jaw locked again! This is so frustrating. And Painful.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:56 AM
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My jaw is locked tighter than yesterday, and it hurts like a mofo. I'll be back on my shake diet. :-0(

I miss Michael. Hopefully I'll be able to see him later. I love him so much. He's the one bright spot in all this crap.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:19 PM
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My jaw feels slightly better. But other than that I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed shortly.

Today it would seem that the dates for the rest of Season 31 of the Whoniverse (excluding the animated installment, "Dreamland") have been revealed:

11/05/09: The Eternity Trap, Part I
11/06/09: The Eternity Trap, Part II
11/12/09: Mona Lisa's Revenge, Part I
11/13/09: Mona Lisa's Revenge, Part II
11/15/09: The Waters of Mars
11/19/09: The Gift, Part I
11/20/09: The Gift, Part II
12/25/09: ??? [Part I]
01/01/10: The End of Time [Part II]

Dreamland ???

Next year, Season 32 will consist of at least 13 episodes of Doctor Who & 26 episodes of K9. It's also highly likely that there will be a 4th Season of The Sarah Jane Adventures, and it's possible that there will be a 4th Season of Torchwood as well, though, despite HUGE ratings and rave reviews for Children of Earth, a 4th Torchwood series may be difficult to conjure up from the ashes of the 3rd Season.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:26 PM
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Trying to sleep. Getting TMJ Migrain. Midrin might help. Blah.

And I miss my boyfriend.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:37 PM
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   Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I slept a bit, then talked to Mollie, and chatting with Michael now (yay on both counts) - my jaw is slightly better, but still locked. Trying to let it rest. I hate this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:38 AM
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Jaw is still locked.

Michael might be coming over tonight, and chilling with me for much of tomorrow.

I feel a bit out of it.

I might get some test results back today.

I watched the first episodes of next year's K-9, which was very strange.

I drove Mark to work and went to Whole Foods. Got very little as I'm not allowed to carry much. Got the essentials I guess. Which...there's not much I can eat with my jaw fucked up. :-0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:30 PM
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Just spent 20 minutes crying, after trying to sort laundry and get something...anything done. I feel broken inside. I feel...like everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do to fix any of it. My body is broken. I can barely eat. And I have to wait until fucking January to see anybody about it because of money. And I might not even have money for the bills I've already accumulated. And I have to go get my results today...and what if I'm positive? I don't want to be going through this? Why am I going through this? And the surgery...haunts me still. Like...I've never had a procedure where I woke up in such pain or needed so long to recover, or needed to depend on people for so very long, and now I can't even fricking go out in the sun without protection? I feel so frail and there have been good times throughout all this upset, but with the smiles I feel like I'm just barely keeping it all together. I'm trying to be strong and I'm usually ok...or at least I can fool myself into thinking I am... I saw this boy online today; the one that told me that Michael cheated on me, and it all came rushing back; how I didn't believe the guy, and then how the evidence mounted, and his whole other life fell into the light - and the way Michael denied it and I wanted to believe him so bad...to believe that he would never hurt me like that...only he did. And I'm in such emotional / physical stress from it even now. If I can make it through this I know I'll be stronger. I just have to hang in there, because I love him, and I love my friends and family...I have to hang in there.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:22 PM
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Went to get my results but they weren't in yet. That's never happened before, which has me even more freaked out. Made me remember the 1 time I ever let Michael cum inside me. It was my 35th Birthday. Just a few days after he'd fucked some boy in a hotel room. Didn't bother telling me that I was risking my life. It hurts. It hurts so much...and I don't know what to do with all the pain.

And all I want is for him to be holding me right now. Only he did this to me. I've gotten tested many times over the years and there have been times when I've been nervous because I felt I'd acted recklessly, but they were always informed decisions, and I took responsibility for them. This time, I feel like the choice was taken out of my hands...but that's not really true. I mean, I chose to believe him. I chose to trust him. I allowed him to do that to me. And knowing that makes me feel like I should never trust anyone ever again. People thought I was strange for being upset when he lied to my face about throwing me a party; even Mollie said that it was understandable, but what people didn't get no matter how many times that I explained it was how he lied to my face without blinking and I believed him. And what I didn't know then, was that he'd been lying for months; fucking other men and then fucking me. I don't know how to handle this. Most times I'm fine....and then...it's so painful, I don't know what to do. I keep thinking of razors again. I know I won't cut myself...but just thinking about them helps.

I spoke to Michael on the phone and said I didn't want to see him tonight. He texted me to let me know that he can't handle this. That I should text him when I get my results, but that I won't be hearing from him. And he's sure that I hate him right now. The thing is...I don't. I do. But I don't. I hate that he did this to me. I hate that I can't trust anyone anymore. I hate that. But I love him, and all that he's done since I learned the truth from him. It's like 2 completely different men, and... I'm so tired.

I have to pick Mark up from work in 3 hours.

Before all the drama, I did get some laundry in the washer. I shaved and showered. Michael's been pestering me for days to shave...so I did, so he'd be surprised tonight...and now I won't even be seeing him. And that's why I'm crying now. I'm like an emotional yo-yo.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:02 PM
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Now Michael doesn't want me texting or calling him, though I feel better...he does not.

I don't know what to do.

I just had some bad moments.

I guess Michael is allowed to have them too. I hope he'll be ok. Though I'm annoyed he won't see my lovely shaved look.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:24 PM
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   Thursday, November 5, 2009

Michael & I made up. He joined me in bed Tuesday night. Very nice sleeping with him. He went to work on Wednesday, then came back over later that night. We took some pictures; went to the mall; got pizza; came home. More pictures. Some 'fun'. And sleep. I couldn't get my results because they still were not in. I'll probably just wait and get them on Saturday now.

Speaking of Saturday, it's my mom's birthday, and my step-dad's retirement party. Have to find stuff for them.

I had a really great phone conversation with Janice yesterday. We'll probably be hanging out with our Aunt Debbie soon.

My jaw continues to annoy. A source of Michael's said that hot compresses and ibuprofen are the way to go. I'll start the hot compresses today. I'm already on the ibuprofen.

It's been great seeing Michael 3 days in a row.

A new Sarah Jane airs today, and another tomorrow. Another new Sarah Jane airs next Thursday and Friday, followed by the next Who Special on Sunday. The final 2 Sarah Jane's of the season air the following Thursday & Friday, with the 6 part animated Who starting the following Saturday. lol

November 5:
Sarah Jane 3x07

November 6:
Sarah Jane 3x08

November 12: Bryan's Birthday!
Sarah Jane 3x09

November 13: Mollie's Birthday!
Sarah Jane 3x10

November 15:
Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars

November 19:
Sarah Jane 3x11

November 20:
Sarah Jane 3x12 (Season Finale)

November 21:
Dreamland, Part I

November 22:
Dreamland, Part II

November 23:
Dreamland, Part III

November 24:
Dreamland, Part IV

November 25:
Dreamland, Part V

November 26:
Dreamland, Part VI

December 25:
Doctor Who Christmas Special [Part I]

January 1:
New Year's Day Special [Part II}

No telling when the completed version of Dreamland will air.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:23 AM
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   Friday, November 6, 2009

I slept last night. I had crazy dreams. I dreamt that Michael was searching for me and found me in a large web. There was also a boy named Kyle, who was the son of James Bond, who could fly - and was sleeping under my dad (David, not Doug). Surreal dreams. The other day I dreamt about hanging out with cousins. So many strange dreams lately.

My stomach was upset this morning; I think from all the shakes and toast I've been consuming, but it's nearly all I can take in lately because of my fucked up jaw. All the nurses we've talked to say the same thing (800 mg of Ibuprofen; hot / cold compress; possible Valume perscription) - but I've been doing all of that and NOTHING is helping. I called my doc's office and spoke to a nurse about a possible referral to a place that could see me in less than a year (which the nurse was nice enough to be outraged about - I liked her) and she said she'd get back to me when she had information for me.

I took my last oxycodone to help with my stomach, and it's hitting me pretty hard now - which is odd, as just taking one in the past didn't do much for me. I feel kind of HAZY.

I watched the new SJA yesterday; it was pretty good. Though it wasn't as rich in continuity as my favorite adventures, it did feature a guest star from the first 2 seasons and that was cool. I look forward to seeing Part 2 tonight. Really liking the Sarah Jane Adventures this year. None of them have sucked, and several of them have been outstanding. None of them have been as good as Torchwood: Children of Earth, but several have been better than The Next Doctor or Planet of the Dead.

Things with Michael continue to go well. I love him. I'm happy to see him and spend time with him. Hopefully I'll see him later today.

I continue to get along with Mark and other family members.

I continue to have medical problems and random drama / sadness from the September / Cctober madness...but I'm dealing with it as best as I can.

My mother will be 59 years old tomorrow. As I'm rather poor and I'm seldom big on gifts, I'm looking forward to sharing with her a new chocolate that I've discovered (she loves chocolate). Tomorrow is also my step-father's retirement party. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:46 AM
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   Sunday, November 8, 2009

Several fun days, that were marred only by random drama and CONSTANT FRUSTRATIONS. I did test Negative for HIV again - so just one more test and the beginning of December and I should be clear - as of now it's LESS likely that I'm positive, and that's good to know.

Today marks the 2 month anniversary that Michael has been faithful to me. That might not seem like much, but that's longer than he's ever gone before. I don't expect him to stray again. I hope he doesn't. Because what we have now...is so much more than I expected to ever have.

My jaw is still locked. There's still nothing that anyone can do. And I found out that I can't take my pain killer / swelling reducer because it interactcs with the antibiotics that I'm on (which aren't doing a damned thing for me). Add to that, a random encounter with a hotel that Michael fucked another guy at before fucking me (and probably the source of my current antibiotic woes), a sore winner at cards, constant aching pain, constant lack of food because of pain, constant stomach upset because of the food I can eat to stay alive, the annoyance of my 1 clean towel being spread on the bathroom floor, while the stool I've kept for a decade for sentimental reasons being chucked out without my consent - oh - and my lil sister being a bitch, my cousin Steve being a KKK moron, and my mom / older sis being peeved at me for the way I behaved when returned from surgery pumped full of pain and drugs and you get the gist of my weekend...

Except that Mark & Michael both proved to be amazing even when they hurt me. They kept me going. And that was appreciated.

The next Doctor Who Special airs a week from today. Here's the trailer for it:

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:03 PM
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Been watching 'Brothers & Sisters'; I have 5 episodes to catch up on; I've watched 2. And I've cried A LOT. Anything to do with hospitals or surgery now hits me hard. But these have been happy / sad / healing tears. TV is an artform, that can affect us in positive ways.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:22 PM
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   Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Saw Michael Monday. We were both cranky, and I had a bit of a bad moment when I had happy memories of being in Michael's car with him & Jen on our way back from Cedar Point - and then realized just 2 days later (3 before my birthday), Michael had another boy in the same seat (the one I was sitting in while remembering sitting there) to have sex with him. Also felt weird seeing Michael's dad that night. I used to feel so special that Michael introduced me to his family; that this meant we were solid and I really mattered and he'd never hurt me, only he was fooling around the whole time; even the day of his grandma's funeral he screwed 2 boys before fucking me. I'll get past all this uglyness eventually - but for now it's destroyed my happy memories.

I drove Mark to work on Tuesday, then went to the bank, then to Michael's to get some DVD's he'd thought I'd meant him to take, and then hit LC on the way home for pizza. My jaw was still locked (is still locked) but was hurting less. I took my last dose of antibiotic. I saw Sean online (this Sean is one that Michael cheated on me with, and who claimed he was my friend, but then stabbed me in the back again) - I confronted him with the truth, which just made me feel worse somehow.

Later I ate and picked up Mark from work; we went to Michael's after, with me returning the dvds (Doctor Whoniverse / Firefly) with some discs that were missing before and instructions on how to get the most out of watching them. Mark worked on Michael's computer while Michael & I cuddled. I slept a bit before Mark woke me up to leave. I was slightly buzzed as I'd had some apple pucker earlier. We didn't get home until after 2am - way passed (is that the correct use of that word? - I get passed and past confused) my bed time of late.

I slept well. I ate. I started taking motrin again for my jaw. Hope it helps. Mark is going to call about having an exam somewhere else. I'd love to have some ANSWERS and some HELP for my jaw. I've been ill in some form or another for over 2 months and it's not getting any easier. Blah.

I'm excited to see the 5 new Whoniverse episodes in the next 9 days (especially Sunday night's "The Waters of Mars"). There's a new Glee on this week. And I'm seeing Michael later tonight.

I should drive Mark to work; I need more ingrediants for stuff, but I might just go tomorrow. Not sure.

I wish I had a game to play. Aliens vs. Predator won't be out for 3 more months, and who knows when Diablo III will be released? :-0(

Tomorrow is Bryan Alfaro's birthday. I'm giving him the Pandemic game that Michael gave me. Getting rid of the birthday presents he gave me helps with the pain a little, plus I know Bryan will enjoy it. Also letting Bryan & Chris borrow the final 11 installments of BSG:

4x11 Sometimes a Great Notion
4x12 A Disquiet Follows My Soul (Extended)
Battlestar Galactica: The Face of the Enemy
4x13 The Oath
4x14 Blood on the Scales
4x15 No Exit
Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (Extended)
4x16 Deadlock
4x17 Someone To Watch Over Me
4x18 Islanded in a Stream of Stars (Extended)
4x19 Daybreak (Extended)

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:07 PM
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My jaw is aching. I don't have much of anything that I can eat. I can't go grocery shopping when Mark gets home because the store will be closed. I was hoping Michael would take me, as he told me last night that he'd come over today, but first he went home, and then he went shopping with David, and is then going out to eat with David, and then he's staying in and watching True Blood with David (which I gave him), and he just sort of skipped the part where he was gonna come see me, and when I mentioned this to him, he didn't even pretend that he'd forgotten - just that he's looking forward to chilling at home. So I'm stuck here. Grumpy.

I'm all out of bread, so I can't have toast (which is soft and doesn't hurt my jaw). I don't have the ingrediants for a shake (which also doesn't hurt my jaw). It didn't hurt earlier but I had a snack of circus peanuts, which Michael had left here for me, and now it hurts...

Ugh.

I tried to distract myself with a playstation game but couldn't get it to work. I considered reinstalling Diablo II on my computer, but I've beat it at least 3 times & I think it would bore me. I'd like to watch some Doctor Who episodes, but the ones I want to watch were loaned out nearly 10 months ago and still haven't been returned.

I've read the news. There's nothing going on that's entertaining me, or dulling the pain, or getting me what I need until tomorrow.

Today sucks.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:19 PM
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My jaw is getting worse again. I took a long hot shower; not to clean up; I didn't even use the soap... Just as a warm compress for my jaw. It didn't seem to help. Oh...and the food I did have is coming back up. The thing I hate most about this jaw thing is that it's preventing me (for the most part) from trying or eating new foods. I was doing so well and it's all slipping away. And I try to keep my spirits up, but what if it takes so long to fix that I lose my way and get lost in the darkness inside me again? I'm scared.

And it still hurts to piss. There's more fear; both of what's wrong with me, and how much it will cost to find out. And I won't know my HIV status until December. There's more fear. It's easier to ignore it all when I'm being held in Michael's arms. Maybe that's why it's so hard to be alone these days...

I starting to hate myself. All this fear and weakness. All this needing. I'm allowed to lift things now, within reason - except the antibiotics I was just on suggest I could get some horrific stuff if I exercise at all over the next few months? It's all so fucked up. And while the wounds from my surgery are healing nicely, everything else is worse or at a stand still.

And this being on my own is terrible.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:51 PM
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   Thursday, November 12, 2009

Slept well past noon. Went grocery shopping with Mark. Moped. I feel a bit crazy of late. Spoke with Michael; he'll be here soon.

Somewhere in there, I finished "Prick Up Your Ears", which I'd begun watching last night. It's the first time I've seen the film since I watched it on VHS about 15 years go. Gary Oldman (as Joe Orton) is so young in it. Strange to see Sirus Black making out with Doctor Octopus. Also strange to see it this time and feel sypathy for the murderer. There were a few similartities to my own life.

Michael is here.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:24 PM
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   Friday, November 13, 2009

Michael came over. We had a great conversation. We were going to have some "fun", but I was waiting for Mark to get home so his usual 'hello' wouldn't distract us, or annoy him - only he stayed over an hour late to work with no text as he usually gives... When Michael was coming over he asked if he could wash his work clothes here so he could go right to work from here and I didn't think that would be a problem - only Mark had clothes in the washer and the dryer. And I spent 30 minutes downloading the next episode of Michael's show to burn for him as a surprise, only to see that it was having problems; I thought it was faulty and deleted the whole thing, only to find that the internet wasn't working - to find that Mark had shut off my internet access because I was 'suddenly hogging the internet' - when in the past, anytime one of us has been using the internet more than the other we've downgraded our downloads at the other's request. I didn't even know my episode was still downloading to be a bother to him, but he didn't even ask me. Now my stomach is all upset (which precludes me laying down to cuddle with Michael)...I don't know why I eat at all anymore. I'm so tired. I hate that my stomach is so easily upset by other people - I used to (long ago) enjoy a good argument. I've been having trouble keeping food down lately, even when I take my pills.

Now Michael is mad at me too.

Tonight sucks.

I just want to cuddle. And I can't. And he's right there. And I feel like I'm falling apart.

Michael woke up briefly, told me not to worry about his clothes, and had me put my head down on the edge of the bed so he could rub my scalp...then he fell back asleep. I'm stuck staying awake, puking, and bored out of my brain.

On a side note, it's Mollie's birthday; Happy Birthday Mollie! I hope your day is going better than mine is.

I'm cranky all the time lately. My jaw pain affects everything; how I talk / eat / laugh - and I can't have oral sex at all, which was my main source of pleasure. I find myself wanting to cut myself every day. I don't do it. I know it would upset people, and there isn't a spot on me that I could to it and not have it be seen.

I feel like I'm losing my mind, day to day. I keep getting lost inside myself...and all the medical bullshit and stress for possible debt it weighing me down even more than it would otherwise. I worry that I snap at people too much, or depend on people too much, or expect too much from others...or myself.

Can't things get back to normal?

Doctor Who on Sunday. That's what I keep thinking to keep me going. Is that pathetic?

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:25 AM
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Managed to get some sleep with Michael. Woke up feeling slightly better. My stomach is still troubling me; maybe I'm eating too much? Cleaning my room and sorting through stuff on the computer. Feels like I'm accomplishing stuff today, which is nice.

I hope Mollie is having a good birthday.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:12 PM
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Mollie might be moving to England!?!

Doctor Who is on Sunday!!!

Mollie might be moving to England!?!

Today is Mollie's birthday and I don't think I told her Happy Birthday on the phone, but we were mostly laughing about England and Cardiff and Graham Norton. lol.

I talked to Michael; he's on his way home now. Maybe I'll see him later? He has Sunday off so I might see him later, but he's worried I'll lock him out of my room when Doctor Who is on. lol.

Mark's friend Don and his son are supposedly staying the night, though we've seen no sign of them. Mark just left to go to Kroger; he's gonna pick up a pizza for me at LC.

My jaw is really hurting today.

I'm trying to install Diablo II on my computer again. The game is nearly 10 years old. AVP is nearly 10 years old. Why does it take 10 years for them to make continuations of video games I enjoy? lol

I'm sort of sleepy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:02 PM
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   Saturday, November 14, 2009

Got Diablo II installed last night (thanks to Mark) but the game that was so much fun 5 or 6 years ago is mostly dull now, and the graphics haven't aged well. I talked to Michael on webcam last night (again, thanks to Mark) though we had a bit of a spat because he was chainsmoking in his apartment, when he'd told me that he'd be going outside from now on. Actually, when he was moving in he said he'd made a house rule that he & David would be smoking outside because the house they'd moved out from was so gross from smoke. Then last week when Mark & I were there Michael apologized for smoking in the house; something that Mark noticed right away with his breathing problems...and Michael then said it would never happen again. Ugh.

Mark is at his mom's. I'm dealing with tummy troubles. Michael's at work and we're supposed to go to a party later. I'm gonna shower and shave and see how I feel.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:42 PM
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I'm shaved and showered...but not going to the party with Michael. :-0( I'm very sad about this. But I felt I had to cancel, as my jaw is hardly opening, which means the talking / mingling aspect of the party would hurt me. Also, the food I was able to get into my mouth earlier...came back up - and I don't to throw up at the party. I'm lonely. And I don't really have anything better to do. I could go for a walke, but of course I'd have to lather myself up in expensive lotion to protect me from the sun. I just feel miserable.

I do have a doctor's appointment on Monday, and a dental consultation on Tuesday. Maybe those visits will help?

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:10 PM
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   Sunday, November 15, 2009

Some plans with Michael fell through thanks to an unexpected text message, and the sensitivity of my stomach, but we managed to have a good night I think...with new types of groceries for me to try, all chosen to fit in my smaller capacity mouth, then chat with Mark, Firefly & Euchre. Michael is shooting through Firefly; he's on episode #5 "Safe" (about mid-way through); there are only 14 episodes, plus the movie. After he's done with Firefly he's starting in on the Doctor Whoniverse (which gets a new installment today with "The Waters of Mars").

Speaking of the Whoniverse, I have a new theory on how Season 31 is best viewed, though I won't know for certain until the final unaired installments have made their way onto the airwaves:

Underlined = unaired.
Bold = Doctor Who episode.
* = The Doctor is referenced / mentioned.
** = The Doctor appears in some form.
^ = The Doctor does not appear, but there are references to a Doctor Who episode, alien or character.

01 Day of the Clown I
02 Day of the Clown II
03 Secrets of the Stars I **
04 Secrets of the Stars II
05 The Next Doctor
06 Mark of the Berserker I ^
07 Mark of the Berserker II
08 The Temptation of Sarah Jane Smith I *
09 The Temptation of Sarah Jane Smith II *
10 Music of the Spheres
11 Enemy of the Bane I ^
12 Enemy of the Bane II ^
13 From Raxacoricofallapatorius with Love ^
14 Children of Earth: Day One ^
15 Children of Earth: Day Two
16 Children of Earth: Day Three *
17 Children of Earth: Day Four
18 Children of Earth: Day Five *
19 Prisoner of the Judoon I ^
20 Prisoner of the Judoon II ^
21 The Mad Woman in the Attic I ^
22 The Mad Woman in the Attic II **
23 Dreamland
24 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith I **
25 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith II **
26 The Eternity Trap I
27 The Eternity Trap II *
28 Planet of the Dead
29 Mona Lisa's Revenge I ^
30 Mona Lisa's Revenge II
31 The Gift I ^
32 The Gift II ^
33 The Waters of Mars [Part I]
34 ?????? [Part II]
35 The End of Time [Part III]

All 6 of the unaired installments should be available to me by January 2, 2010. I should in fact have 3 of them ("The Waters of Mars", "The Gift I & II") in less than a week, and possibly the 4th ("Dreamland") in some form or another within another week after that.

Michael's asleep; perhaps I'll join him soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:12 AM
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Slept well. Had dreams of flying to Florida for Church trip. Bryan Alfaro was one of my roomies. The others were all party-hard fratboy types, who didn't like that I was gay. I was given a really hard time. Eventually wanted to fly home. Parts of Florida were bits of Milan... Janice & Mom, Grandpa and Doug helped me get a flight home. I found one of my roomies wacking off while I was leaving; makes me wonder if Michael was touching me - or himself; it might have been inspired by him touching me a few times in the night; woke up once with his hand on my cock, and another time with his hardon pressed into my underwear covered ass; I pretended I was asleep as my stomach was upset both times and I just wanted to go back to sleep. In the dream, there was some strange imagery with sky & water. I woke up with Michael climbing out of bed - but when I moved a migrain hit me - I took Midrin right away. Michael's in the bathroom; Mark is in his room. I'm here in mine.

Ugh. My head hurts. But hopefully the Midrin will help. I'm gonna have a snack. It seems to work better when I have some food just after.

Doctor Who later today! :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:09 PM
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   Monday, November 16, 2009

Michael & I made love yesterday. It was nice. Later we watched 7 episodes of Firefly; he has 3 episodes left and then the movie.

I watched the new Doctor Who movie; the beginning of the end for the 10th Doctor. Basically Part 1 of 3 the next installment in this regeneration trilogy won't air until Christmas Day. Between now and then we have the final 2 episodes of Series 3 of The Sarah Jane Adventures, and the animated Who special, Dreamland.

I'm awake because I'm having really horrible stomach cramps. Or absoman cramps. Probably constipated? I don't know, but I'm in pain. I can't get comfortable. I can't help worrying about it as the last time I had anything like this I left in an ambulance.

It's really hot in my room. I have my fan blowing. Michael is in bed and I'd love to cuddle with him, but simultaniously want and don't want anything touching my tummy. I'm getting really tired though, and I'm really wanting to sleep.

Also, my jaw is not doing so great.

I have a doctor's appointment at 10:30am.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:43 AM
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Managed to get some sleep, though I couldn't get comfortable and often woke to wander the condo in pain. When I finally got a good patch of sleep, waking around 9am, I cuddled with Michael while Mark showered. My headache was worse, my jaw was still sore and my abdoman still pained, though it felt better with Michael's warm body pressed against it. I knew I should be in the shower to help with my headache, but as Mark & I don't shower together anymore that wasn't possible...and I also knew I'd have to get up soon for my doctor's appointment. I remembered the dream I'd had about lots of naked women, living and falling in love with other naked women; naked lesbians. Was I becoming a straight man? lol.

I got up. But I knew it wasn't going to work out once I did I was so disoriented from my multiple pains. I called the doc's office to see if there was a fee for cancelling and they said no, so I cancelled. I've been pain free from urination, off and on for a couple days - some days it's hurt while other times it's not - I've had no pain today - so perhaps it's clearing up on it's own. The other thing I was going to talk about with the Doc was my jaw, but I've already spoken to a nurse there who told me my insurance won't cover anyplace but UofM which can't see me for 14 more months, so that's pointless. Mark went to pharmacy and got our drugs while I took my last 2 Midrin and layed down - when he returned, Michael left for home, and Mark gave me some Mirilax for my constipation. I briefly got up and my headache got 10 times worse - monster migrain proportions. I took a 3rd Midrin and a scalding hot shower...later laid in the dark praying for oblivion. I got it. I dreamt of a mashed potato / bubble bath fight in our old barn, with random people from my life? Lee & Josh were there. Funny. I woke up pain free, and able to use the bathroom with no troubles. A happy ending.

Mark is gone to work. There was a voicemail on my phone from Michael that he left on his way to work. He watched 2 more episodes of Firefly ("The Message" & "Heart of Gold"), which leaves him with only 1 more episode ("Objects in Space") and the movie ("Serenity"). Nice. I'll see him tonight, most likely. He's going with me and Mark to my dentist appointment tomorrow morning - very early in the morning.

I find last night's Doctor Who to be very haunting. I'm not tempted to watch it again as it's obviously Part I of a much larger story and it seems odd, feels wrong to watch it without the rest of the narrative. But I'm haunted by the prophecies from "Planet of the Dead" and "The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith, Part II". Who will knock 4 times? And what is "The Gate"? And what will the ending of last night's special mean for the remaining time we have with the 10th Doctor? The next special, which has not been named yet (though it's been revealed it will be 6 words long) is 60 minutes in length, while it's sequel ("The End of Time") will be 75 minutes long.

About "The Gate": the Trickster said to the Doctor: "Who are you, a man who has lost everybody, to talk to me of loneliness when The Gate is waiting for you?"

Russel T. Davies, the current show runner has been quoted twice by the Radio Times as mentioning The Gate:

"But oh, what a Christmas that's going to be. Let's just say that dark forces are gathering already. The Gate is waiting and life will never be the same again..."

&

"The Master's return is just the start of our biggest, most heart-breaking story yet. The Immortality Gate is waiting."

Hmmmmmmmm.

I'm going to eat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:16 PM
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I shouldn't have eaten.

Mark just got laid off. Permanantly. This sucks. Mark helped build that company and made it what it is today...this just isn't fair. I can't imagine what he must be feeling or thinking. Mark still has Bitserve, and he'll be able to collect unemployment, and our car is paid off so we should be ok...only I was going to get on his insurance in January to pay for my jaw getting fixed. And the dentist I was going to see in January is out as I now have no dental coverage. I can't open my fricking mouth and I can't see anyone to get it fixed. :-0(

And now the vomiting begins.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:52 PM
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   Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Trying not to let the terrible events get me down, though they're worse than I thought (Mark's home business isn't making any money). I did have a nice idea about some stuff that Mark has in storage, which will hopefully help. People are offering their condolances and helpful hints...Michael is trying to help. I've shut off my webcam, which I wasn't using. Shutting of lights and stuff (both good for the environment and the electric bill. Michael is trying to help; even mentioned stopping at home for showers now to not rais our bills any. He's a sweet guy.

I tried to cook a mini-vegan-pizza roll but I burnt it to a cripy nothingness. I tried some non-dairy yogerty stuff, which I liked A LOT. I baked some organic sea salted fries, which also turned out well. I'm still trying stuff, even though my jaw is killing me, and we've got bills we might not be able to pay, and even though my food hasn't been staying down lately...I'm trying not to let it get ME down. I'm hanging in there.

I'm rewatching what I have of Season 31 of the Whoniverse, starting with the 3rd episode of Sarah Jane's 2nd Season. I didn't think much of it the first time around, but in retrospect I like it a lot more. The more I look at this season, the more I think it works really well. Just 5 more episodes and I'll have the whole thing - plust I'll have 17 (I believe) new Whoniverse episodes to share with Mollie:

31x10 Music of the Spheres (mini-ep)
31x19 Prisoner of the Judoon, Part I
31x20 Prisoner of the Judoon, Part II
31x21 The Mad Woman in the Attic, Part I
31x22 The Mad Woman in the Attic, Part II
31x23 Dreamland
31x24 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith I
31x25 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith II
31x26 The Eternity Trap, Part I
31x27 The Eternity Trap, Part II
31x29 Mona Lisa's Revenge, Part I
31x30 Mona Lisa's Revenge, Part II
31x31 The Gift, Part I
31x32 The Gift, Part II
31x33 The Waters of Mars [Part I]
31x34 ?????? [Part II]
31x35 The End of Time [Part III]

It's possible "The End of Time" is the title of 31x34 and the unknown 6 word title goes to 31x35 but that's not clear at this juncture.

I have to call Mollie now and tell her she has to return her phone - which means losing touch with her for a long while. She'll still have Kenny's phone to talk to us for free, but only sparingly. This sucks beyond the telling of it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:16 AM
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I left a voicemail for Mollie about the phone. Michael got here and we watched the rest of Firefly / Serenity. The end of the movie always gets me. Say what you want about how great the show could have been if it had continued, as far as I'm concerned, it's pitch perfect as is. As long as a show has some semblenance of closure I'm pretty happy. DS9. Firefly. Pushing Daisies. Some of my favorite endings. Xena. Buffy / Angel. BSG. Those were a bit more muddled, but they were better than many other finale's I've seen. The Doctor Whoniverse will apparently never end, but I'm not complaining about that one as of yet.

I'm tired. I might lay down with Michael and sleep the 2 hours until I have to get up.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:03 AM
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   Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I didn't sleep at all before the appointment on Tuesday. My abdoman hurt; I was tired and hungry, but couldn't eat for fear of lack of sleep making my already crabby stomach puke anything on the dentist. It was quite a drive to the dentist. The staff there was very kind. There's a $700 bite guard there that might help me; they explained that the guard I have now (just as I had suspected) probably made my condition worse. They also have this treatment that's $4200 that sounds exactly like something that would help me - but of course I don't have that money and I'm trying not to be down about it. About my jaw being locked, they basically said my muscles are bruised, most likely from a series of stressful emotional breaks (which I didn't explain to them, but made perfect sense to me, Michael & Mark); the disappointing part was that it could take 3 months to even a year to heal... I could be stuck this way forever. And I wasn't expecting to hear that. I'm very stressed about that and trying not to be.

Michael is giving me a break from being around him. He knows that my mind keeps replaying his betrayals (despite his amazing behavior since then); he's giving me time to chill, for which I'm extremely grateful. Things have been terrible emotionally, and unsurprisingly, physically, since September 7th, when I learned the truth, and in retrospect, have been terrible since May, the (probable) first time he cheated; I just didn't know, which makes me look back at 2009 as my least favorite year in recent memory. The cheating. The STD. The unimaginable pain of the truth versus the lie of several months. The stress of not knowing my HIV status. The gallbladder surgery. The vitiligo spreading. Much of this seems to stem from September 7. Now there is Mark's job loss, and Mollie losing her phone / internet - so she'll be lost to me as well. Things are so bleak right now, it's amazing my body works at all.

I've managed to relax a bit I think. I don't feel like leaving the house though and I need bread. Perhaps I'll go later. I've learned that Kroger carries many of the items that I thought only Whole Foods carried, and Kroger is open until 1am.

Mark saw the new (11th) Star Trek movie, but didn't enjoy it as much as me. He said it was confusing and didn't move him as much as "First Contact" (the 8th, and last truly great film in the series). I was so impressed with the new direction of the films, which I think they pull off gracefully and with style - making a proper sequel to the previous 10 films while starting a completely new series...that I find it hard to compare it to the previous entries, who's accomplishments don't even approach such heights.

Doctor Whoniverse News. As known before, the finale of Sarah Jane Season 3 will air Thursday & Friday nights. What we know now is that the animated Who adventure, "Dreamland", will air Saturday, December 5! That's just 2 weeks from Saturday. Just under 3 weeks after that we'll have the Doctor Who Christmas Special on Friday, December 25 - with the final David Tennant Special airing just 1 week later on January 1, 2010 (the latter date has not been confirmed, though it's HIGHLY likely). So ends Season 31 of the Whoniverse.

But what of Season 32? I had originally thought there might not be any Torchwood in that season, but there are rumblings of 4th Season in the works. Season 3 got the best ratings and reviews for the series so it seems likely a 4th Season will follow, yet the end of Season 3 also brought an amazing amount of closure so Season 4 seemed both likely, and unlikely at the same time. Will it appear? Who knows, but the rumblings are a good sign that we might have further Torchwood adventures, rather than rumblings to the opposite, so that's hopeful. If nothing comes of this, I'm fine with Season 3 being the end, but if it continues, I'll happily be there to see it.

Sarah Jane? No Series 4 has been greenlit, but the people behind the show are writing the scripts as if it has been, and it most likely will, as this season has garnered higher ratings (and better episodes IMO) than previous seasons. It's also rumored that a 1 Hour Special is also in the works.

K9? K9 Mark I will be back in a series all his own. 26 episodes long, it's very dark, very kid friendly, and very sort of crappy but lovable in the way that Classic Who appears today. It's too early to tell if it's a hit or a miss. It doesn't seem to mesh well with current Who (and because it's made by a different team, it's pretty much forbidden from referencing the other shows) - and my guess is it's set in an alternate timeline. I'll watch the series though and try to see how it all fits together; hopefully it will improve and something will happen that explains the differences between this and the other programs; it feels very much like an alternate universe to me. The premiere episode is called "Regeneration" and plays alright. 11 other titles from the remaining 25 episodes would appear to include include: "Feast of the Merons, Part I", "Feast of the Merons, Part II", "The Last Oak Tree in England", "Sirens of Ceres", "Dreameaters", "Devil's Den", "Jaws of Orthrus", "Oroborus", "Alien Avatar", "The Curse of Anubis" & "The Fall of the House of Gryffen".

And what about the Doctor himself? We're pretty much assured 14 new installments in 2010 featuring the 11th Doctor. We know that River Song will be returning, and the Daleks - and it's heavily rumored that the Silurians and possibly The Cybermen will be back as well. Here's how it's rumored next season of Who (which they're calling Season 1 for production reasons - but will be Season 32 in my book) will play out:

01 "The Eleventh Hour"
written by Steven Moffat
directed by Adam Smith
Continues where the final David Tennant story leaves off.

02 ???
written by Steven Moffat
directed by Andrew Gunn
Monks?

03 ???
written by Mark Gatiss
directed by Andrew Gunn
A Dalek story.
Possible Winston Churchill

04 "The Time of Angels" [Part I]
05 "Flesh and Stone" [Part II]
written by Steven Moffat
directed by Adam Smith
The return of River Song (the crash of the Byzantium); possible return of the Weeping Angels.

06 "Vampires of Venice"
written by Toby Whithouse
directed by Johnny Campbell ?
rumored to be set in 1580

07 ???
written by Gareth Roberts or Amanda Coe

08 ??? [Part I]
09 "Cold Blood" [Part II]
written by Chris Chibnall
directed by Ashley Way
rumored return of the Silurians

10 "Vincent and the Doctor"
written by Richard Curtis
directed by Johnny Campbell ?
Van Gogh vs. a yellow monster (confirmed)

11 ???
written by Gareth Roberts

12 ??? [Part I]
13 ??? [Part II]
written by Steven Moffat
rumored return of the Cybermen

Question: will these be the Cybermen of recent years, or the Cybermen of old? ;-0)

14 ??? (2010 Christmas Special)
written by Steven Moffat

And that's what we seem to know as of now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:12 PM
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   Friday, November 20, 2009

Slept ok last night / Thursday morning. Mark took me to my doc appointment. I've had no more pain in my penis since yesterday, but the next sign of anything I'm to call the doc's office and make an appointment with a urologist. She refilled my Midrin perscription, and also gave me some muscle relaxants to hopefully help with my jaw. I only just took my first dose; I hope it helps. I'm also to continue with ibuprofen, heat, and facial massage as well.

I spoke to Mollie on the phone last night; it was so much fun! But her phone is returned by now and she's lost the internet so I doubt I'll hear from her again anytime soon which has me bummed.

I spoke to Michael earlier. He's got tomorrow and Saturday off; I'll probably see him one of those days. He's seen the first 11 episodes of new Who: "Rose", "The End of the World", "The Unquiet Dead", "Aliens of London" / "World War Three", "Dalek", "The Long Game", "Father's Day", "The Empty Child" / "The Doctor Dances" & "Boom Town". I hope he's enjoying it.

Mark is at a party with some of his former coworkers. I hope he's having a good time.

My jaw is pretty messed up tonight; I can hardly open it. I'm pretty freaked out about it all. :-0(

I just watched the new Sarah Jane, which is Part I of the season finale. It features the Slitheen (which I'm sick of), but thankfully the story went in an interesting direction - I'd just rather they leave these aliens alone for a bit. The finale is on later today, with the next Whoniverse installment not airing until 2 weeks from Saturday (December 5); the animated Who Special, "Dreamland".

Don & his son will be here late tonight. Not sure if I'll be up for doing anything as my jaw and stuff have been so troublesome lately.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:01 AM
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Slept ok. Had a snack with my prilosec / reglan / muscle relaxant. Just saw a trailer for "Dreamland" - the animation looks crappy, but there was a shot of some alien spacecrafts which seem to confirm a proper crossover with Sarah Jane. Nice.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:35 PM
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   Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sarah Jane was, sadly lame and from the reviews I'm not the only one who was disappointed; especially since the season started out SO WELL.

Don & his roomie Billy were here last night for a few hours. We played euchre. Michael joined us. Later Michael and I shopped. Later still I joined Michael at his place and stayed the night. It was mostly fantastic.

I'm going to sleep soon. My jaw is sore. Lots of me is sore. I have thoughts to think and none of it's fun.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:25 PM
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   Monday, November 23, 2009

Michael sounds like he's really getting into Doctor Who having now seen almost all of the first 2 seasons of New Who (Seasons 27 & 28):

Rose
The End of the World
The Unquiet Dead
Aliens of London [Part I]
World War Three [Part II]
Dalek
The Long Game
Father's Day
The Empty Child [Part I]
The Doctor Dances [Part II]
Boom Town
Bad Wolf [Part I]
The Parting of the Ways [Part II]
Children in Need [Part III]
The Christmas Invasion [Part IV]
New Earth
Tooth and Claw
School Reunion
The Girl in the Fireplace
Rise of the Cybermen [Part I]
The Age of Steel [Part II]
Attack of the Graske
The Idiot's Lantern
The Impossible Planet [Part I]
The Satan Pit [Part II]
Love & Monsters

He may have also watched Fear Her, but I'm not certain. That leaves 3 or 4 episodes in Season 2. Even if he hasn't seen that last one, he's already seen more episodes featuring the 10th, than the 9th. Crazy. He has the first 27 (of 29) episodes of Season 29 / Season 3.

I've also got Karen watching Torchwood now and given her a list of what order everything goes in.

Mark has seen all but The Waters of Mars.

When the New Year's Day Special rolls around there will be 133 New Whoniverse episodes. 840 episodes overall. With at least 40 more next year (that's Doctor Who & K9 - but we'll probably have more Sarah Jane & Torchwood as well).

I feel like a broken doll lately.

Mark looked up a bunch of places I might be able to check out to see if I can get help for my jaw. It's really tight right now. I'm gonna take my muscle relaxants and try to sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:00 AM
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I dreamed I was in my old High School, a wing of which was the hospital where I stayed when I was 17. I was explaining to DJ that I had seen Brian L. I had been hospitalized for my stomach and a female doctor had asked if pieces of parchment held my handwriting, some of it graphically sexual, but it wasn't mine - it was Brian's journal pages that he'd meant to give me but were taken from us for his treatment. I found him then and he moved to me, grasping my face in his hands saying "For I was sleep, but now I'm awake...For I was asleep but now I'm awake." It reminded me of Shakespeare...Were The World Mine ("Your Tongue, My Tongue, Were The World Mine"), we were separated as I was taken to surgery. When I woke I told anyone who'd listen that Brian was there. I got on the school bus, the driver of which drove her daughter home; they had a strange accent; I told the mother / driver that she sounded like Tori Amos. We picked up more kids from the school, including Box & T; box handed me Brian's papers, along with a piece of construction paper with an article about The Cure's Robert Smith attached. I read. There was also an ad that T showed me about someone who had died that I'd never heard of, and several movies that the actor had appeared in; I was surprised and embarrassed that I'd not seen any of the films. I kept waiting for Brian to get on the bus, but he never came and I knew I'd never see him again. As we pulled away from the building "Don't Stand So Close To Me" by the Police morphed into "Tea in the Sahara". I wept.

I awoke with my mouth dry, my throat hurting, hot and sweaty. I climbed from bed to write this before forgetfullness could steal it. NOw I must have water.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:50 AM
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Cold Water. M&Ms. Muscle Relaxants. All good things. Brush my teeth and then back to school buses and childhood weapons that launched and crashed alien ships from the sky, while Michael C & I snuck into the garage. So many images rushing past me; wish I could capture them.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:55 AM
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Brushed and cool minted an unheard doorbell sent Mark rushing; all I felt was his ghostly air at his passing. He rushed back up with a box for me; the new Trek book; book 5 I think of a series I've not yet touched. More of the dreams fill and empty me. I need to sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:59 AM
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Awake again.

The plot descriptions for the final 10th Doctor stories have been released:

Highlights of this year's offering include David Tennant's final farewell in a two-part special of Doctor Who called The End Of Time. The Doctor's oldest enemy – the Master (John Simm) – returns alongside former companion Donna (Catherine Tate) and old favourite Wilf (Bernard Cribbins), as the entire human race faces its last ever Christmas – unless the Doctor can save the day.

It's the Tenth Doctor's final journey – but his psychotic nemesis the Master has been reborn, on Christmas Eve. With both determined to cheat death, the battle ranges from the wastelands of London to the mysterious Immortality Gate, while the alien Ood warn of an even greater danger approaching, as a terrible shadow falls across the entire Universe.

The Doctor faces the end of his life as the Master's plans hurtle out of control. With the sound of drums growing louder, and an ancient trap closing around the Earth, the Doctor and Wilf must fight alone. But sacrifices must be made, and the deadly prophecy warns: "He will knock four times."

There's also a post opening credits preview scene that demonstrates that 'The End of Time' does not pick up right where 'The Waters of Mars' leaves off...and apparently answers a lingering question from "The Shakespeare Code":

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:20 PM
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   Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Woke up. Went to Kroger. Had an interesting time finding stuff they had moved. Talked to Michael on the way home. I have an appointment to make my new bite guard on Monday, but we're hoping to get a 2nd opinion before then. Also, Mark is looking for work, and he watched the latest Doctor Who Special ('The Waters of Mars'), which he liked a lot and says it may be one of his favorite Doctor Who stories; he says he always likes when the Doctor gets very dark.

Michael should be home by now and doing his laundry. He's not sleeping tonight, and I probably won't either. Might go hang with him. He's planning on watching at least 4 Whoniverse episodes tonight:

28x13 Army of Ghosts [Part I]
28x14 Doomsday [Part II]
28x15 The Runaway Bride [Part III]
29x01 Everything Changes

He has no idea what kind of emotional rollercoaster he's signed on to ;-0) "Everything Changes" was the first Whoniverse episode I ever saw all the way through.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:21 AM
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I went to Michael's last night; watched "Doomsday" & "The Runaway Bride" with him. He cried during Doomsday, and seemed to enjoy Donna in 'Bride'. All good signs. He's now finished with Season 28 of the Whoniverse, and will most likely start Season 29 (of which there are 29 episodes, that he has the first 27 of) sometime today. He didn't start last night as he was tired so we cuddled and slept until around 8 or 9am. I got up and showered; I got dressed; we left together.

I accidentally brought home his camera and a thumb drive that got tangled in my clothes. The camera had pix from Cedar Point, plus 2 more of me from a later date. The thumb drive, which Michael didn't seem to recognize last night and suggested might be Scott's proved to be an old drive of Michael's with family stuff and a folder of old hookups or at least guys that he met online - the pictures were dated 2004.

I surfed the web, planted stuff on Farm Town, which went all wacky on me. I had a light snack. I might eat. I need to shower and shave. Maybe hookup with Michael later?

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:47 AM
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Feel like I might be coming down with a cold; Mark has had one for several days now, so it's not that shocking. But it does suck; I'm sure if I start coughing my jaw is going to be affected, as I know other parts of me already in pain will be. :-0(

I might be able to see a TMJ doctor on my insurance in February instead of Jan 2011, but that's not a sure thing yet.

I was hoping to watch Torchwood with Michael last night; he'd said he was gonna be up all night and I wanted to see the first episode with him (having tried to get him to watch it months ago), but he's watching it without me now. :-( It's silly that this upsets me... I could just watch the episode on my own when I get the discs back, but what I wanted to see was Michael's reactions to the episode.

I think I'm just feeling extra tired (didn't sleep much last night), and a little sick, and I'm super cranky. I should just avoid people altogether today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:29 PM
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I couldn't sleep...so I ate. I took my Reglan & Flexeril. Turns out I can't see that cool TMJ Specialist - my insurance doesn't cover him. :-0(

In the face of this damning fact, I turned to Doctor Who...and I think I came up with an even better viewing order for Season 31 of the Whoniverse. I'm geeky. Sue Me.

Like my last version of this viewing order, Sarah Jane (who has 12 stories spread over 23 episodes, while Torchwood has 1 story spread over 5, and Doctor Who has 5 spread over 7) is only permitted 2 consecutive stories at a time (or a maximum of 4 episodes) so as not to overwhelm her counterparts. This new order allows for more continuity between the series and also spreads the Doctor's appearances out more. The previous iteration had 12 episode gap in which the Doctor, while referenced, didn't appear at all - this order reduces that number to 6, while reinforcing existing continuity. It also helps separate appearances of the overused Slitheen, while keeping the tone of the final specials intact. All good things.

31x01 Day of the Clown I
31x02 Day of the Clown II
31x03 Secrets of the Stars I
31x04 Secrets of the Stars II
31x05 The Next Doctor
31x06 Mark of the Berserker I
31x07 Mark of the Berserker II
31x08 The Temptation of Sarah Jane Smith I
31x09 The Temptation of Sarah Jane Smith II
31x10 Music of the Spheres
31x11 From Raxacoricofallapatorius with Love
31x12 Enemy of the Bane, I
31x13 Enemy of the Bane, II
31x14 Dreamland
31x15 Prisoner of the Judoon I
31x16 Prisoner of the Judoon II
31x17 The Mad Woman in the Attic I
31x18 The Mad Woman in the Attic II
31x19 Children of Earth: Day One
31x20 Children of Earth: Day Two
31x21 Children of Earth: Day Three
31x22 Children of Earth: Day Four
31x23 Children of Earth: Day Five
31x24 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith I
31x25 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith II
31x26 The Eternity Trap I
31x27 The Eternity Trap II
31x28 Planet of the Dead
31x29 Mona Lisa's Revenge I
31x30 Mona Lisa's Revenge II
31x31 The Gift I
31x32 The Gift II
31x33 The Waters of Mars
31x34 The End of Time, Part I
31x35 The End of Time, Part II

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:57 PM
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Still awake. Took some Vitamin C, and had an extra Boost. Still feeling crabby and tired. But working on my Whoniverse Episode Guide helped me smile a bit.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:01 PM
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   Wednesday, November 25, 2009

In the dream we were in a bar like City Club, only different. My dream version; been there before; many times; many ages. There was a late night tv show that drew me inside it's walls; Canadian. Bisexual boys. I was one of them. I fell for the 'myth that boys belong inside of girls' - for a few nights anyways. The characters...the beautiful boys kissing one another. A blond boy, 20 something, young and lean, facial hair, made out with dark haired boy that was sometimes myself. I found old clothes, (Gift Boxes with Johnny art) & Siouxsie shirt like my own but more beautiful...tight black clothing, cloves and pot. I wanted the buy the theme song when they threw us out...was strapped for cash though; Michael was there...he was one of the goth boys; we made out and the girls were delighted and jealous in their turn. Song to the Siren played. And 'When Love Comes Calling' over the closing credits. And one boy confessed how he was left behind. The Canadian actors were beautiful, fucking, innocent, laughing, making out for hours - men with men, women with women, men with women - all of them - all of us friends. Just like old times I suppose.

My head is killing me.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:14 AM
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   Thursday, November 26, 2009

Tuesday night I went to Michael's for a Who Fest, but it fell apart before it started. Smoke in the apartment. Forgotten ingrediants. Missed episodes. It was nearly enough to make this sad old bald boy weep; this past year has aged me to a raggedy crazy nothing person. lol. Michael & I went back to my place and watched some Season 29 there ("Countrycide" & "The Infinite Quest") before sleep took us.

I had a crazy sexy goth dream which I typed out in my just-woken-up-and-still-hearing-dream-music-phase. Fun. Horrible headache though. Took Midrin; was fine later. Michael went off to do stuff. I worked on Who & got things ordered. Mark went to the store. Mike Anderson dropped by to return my Whoniverse Season 30 DVDs (which he & Emily aren't done with after 10 months - but I don't mind) so that Michael can shoot through them. Michael started watching Who last week I think and he's already watched 40 of 133 episodes:

27x01 Rose
27x02 The End of the World
27x03 The Unquiet Dead
27x04 Aliens of London [1]
27x05 World War Three [2]
27x06 Dalek
27x07 The Long Game
27x08 Father's Day
27x09 The Empty Child [1]
27x10 The Doctor Dances [2]
27x11 Boom Town
27x12 Bad Wolf [1]
27x13 The Parting of the Ways [2]
27x14 Children in Need [3]
27x15 The Christmas Invasion [4]
28x01 New Earth
28x02 Tooth and Claw
28x03 School Reunion
28x04 The Girl in the Fireplace
28x05 Rise of the Cybermen [1]
28x06 The Age of Steel [2]
28x07 Attack of the Graske
28x08 The Idiot's Lantern
28x09 The Impossible Planet [1]
28x10 The Satan Pit [2]
28x11 Love & Monsters
28x12 Fear Her
28x13 Army of Ghosts [1]
28x14 Doomsday [2]
28x15 The Runaway Bride [3]
29x01 Everything Changes
29x02 Day One
29x03 The Ghost Machine
29x04 Smith and Jones
29x05 Cyberwoman
29x06 The Shakespeare Code
29x07 Small Worlds
29x08 Gridlock
29x09 Countrycide
29x10 The Infinite Quest
29x11 Greeks Bearing Gifts

And just because I love lists, here's what he has yet to finish:

29x12 Daleks in Manhattan [1]
29x13 Evolution of the Daleks [2]
29x14 They Keep Killing Suzie
29x15 The Lazarus Experiment
29x16 Random Shoes
29x17 42
29x18 Out of Time
29x19 Human Nature [1]
29x20 The Family of Blood [2]
29x21 Combat
29x22 Blink
29x23 Captain Jack Harkness [1]
29x24 End of Days [2]
29x25 Utopia [3]
29x26 The Sound of Drums [4]
29x27 Last of the Time Lords [5]
29x28 Time Crash [6]
29x29 Voyage of the Damned [7]
30x01 Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang [8]
30x02 Invasion of the Bane
30x03 Sleeper
30x04 To the Last Man
30x05 Meat
30x06 Revenge of the Slitheen 1
30x07 Revenge of the Slitheen 2
30x08 Adam
30x09 Partners in Crime
30x10 Reset
30x11 The Fires of Pompeii
30x12 Dead Man Walking
30x13 Planet of the Ood
30x14 A Day in the Death
30x15 Eye of the Gorgon 1
30x16 Eye of the Gorgon 2
30x17 The Sontaran Stratagem [1]
30x18 The Poison Sky [2]
30x19 The Doctor's Daughter [3]
30x20 Something Borrowed
30x21 Warriors of Kudlak 1
30x22 Warriors of Kudlak 2
30x23 From Out of the Rain
30x24 The Unicorn and the Wasp
30x25 Adrift
30x26 Silence in the Library [1]
30x27 Forest of the Dead [2]
30x28 Whatever Happened To Sarah Jane? 1
30x29 Whatever Happened To Sarah Jane? 2
30x30 Fragments [1]
30x31 Exit Wounds [2]
30x32 The Lost Boy 1
30x33 The Lost Boy 2
30x34 Midnight
30x35 The Last Sontaran 1
30x36 The Last Sontaran 2
30x37 Turn Left [1]
30x38 The Stolen Earth [2]
30x39 Journey's End [3]
31x01 Day of the Clown 1
31x02 Day of the Clown 2
31x03 Secrets of the Stars 1
31x04 Secrets of the Stars 2
31x05 The Next Doctor
31x06 Mark of the Berserker 1
31x07 Mark of the Berserker 2
31x08 The Temptation of Sarah Jane Smith 1
31x09 The Temptation of Sarah Jane Smith 2
31x10 Music of the Spheres
31x11 From Raxicoricofallapatorius with Love
31x12 Enemy of the Bane 1
31x13 Enemy of the Bane 2
31x14 Dreamland
31x15 Prisoner of the Judoon 1
31x16 Prisoner of the Judoon 2
31x17 The Mad Woman in the Attic 1
31x18 The Mad Woman in the Attic 2
31x19 Children of Earth: Day 1
31x20 Children of Earth: Day 2
31x21 Children of Earth: Day 3
31x22 Children of Earth: Day 4
31x23 Children of Earth: Day 5
31x24 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith 1
31x25 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith 2
31x26 The Eternity Trap 1
31x27 The Eternity Trap 2
31x28 Planet of the Dead
31x29 Mona Lisa's Revenge 1
31x30 Mona Lisa's Revenge 2
31x31 The Gift 1
31x32 The Gift 2
31x33 The Waters of Mars
31x34 The End of Time 1 [Dec 25, 2009]
31x35 The End of Time 2 [Jan 01, 2010]

I chatted online, learning some disturbing facts about someone I know. Michael & I both took naps; his longer than mine. I stroked off a few times as sex for me of late has been something of a pain with the whole broken jaw / body thing. Also burned a TV Disc for Michael with V 2009, Glee, Vampire Diaries, Eastwick & Smallville.

Michael later joined me for Wii Games, Brainless Fun, Meijer Shopping, Tickles & Cuddles. Sleep.

Michael left this morning around 10am. He's going to his family Thanksgiving. He's putting up his Christmas Tree tonight; I might help. So goes the day.

I may watch the latest animated Who episode, as I should have all 6 installments today - though I'll wait for the reconstituted version for friends, I think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:09 PM
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I watched the latest Whoniverse release, the animated special "Dreamland" and I liked it quite a lot. I was worried I wouldn't as the previous animated installment ("The Infinite Quest"), while ok to a point, got old long before it ended, and was almost painful to watch. This new installment is a HUGE improvement in my opinion. Not how I'd want Doctor Who to look all the time, but still a lot of fun. And I was super geeked out over how well it crossed over with The Sarah Jane Adventures episode "Prisioner of the Judoon, Part II"! My episode order has these installments separated by a single episode ("Prisoner of the Judoon, Part I"), so people watching them in my order should pick up on this crossover easily, while other sadly, may miss it.

After the special and a rewatch of Judoon 2, I slept. I dreamt Mark & I lived in our old apartment only it was in a skyscraper in a metropolis. Mark brought a cat home and refused to get rid of it; the cat spoke to me and told me he was there to kill me. I tried to chase it through the building but it began using it's evil cat powers to suffocate me....I just woke up with messages from Michael. He missed me at his mum's house and is now home. I messaged him that I'm awake and got his messages. I need to eat. I've had nothing in at least 12 hours, probably more. And I need to shower. After that I may join Michael for Christmas Decorating. We'll see.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:02 PM
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After the last entry I checked my e-mail. Seems Amazon picked up on the fact that they had both replaced and refunded my last order and are charging my card for $33.00 - only I paid for the order with mostly gift cards and was refunded in such - and never used them - so I should really be charged $10.44! I wrote up a response, which was difficult to concentrate on, having just woken up and not eaten in over 14 hours, AND cross referrencing several different e-mails. Mark knocked on my door during all that, just as I was about to write something up and the break in concenrtation cost me a lot - and annoyed me plenty - but I just said "not now" and went back to it without complaint. I got it worked out (I hope), then went to get my food going only Mark was cooking hamburger (I think), which I've never been able to stomach the smell of, and which has recently become openly repulsive to me, so I told him I should have spoken to him at my door so I could have made my food first before he filled the condo with the stench of dead animal, which he then repeated back to me for no apparent reason - I'm guessing he's tired, and sick, and possibly on cold medication, and just not everything is penetrating right now, so I'm writing that off too. I texted Michael to let him know the situation, and showered instead - shaved (a bit before running out of hot water), and then texted again - no response to any of my messages. I think I'll call him. Maybe I can take my food stuffs to Michael's and eat there as I won't be able to eat here for hours now...and I'm so HUNGRY. Having not eaten at all I'm in a surprisingly forgiving / cheerful mood. I hope it lasts. It seems like lately I just keep crashing down.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:52 PM
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Talked to Michael; he was watching Who. Mixed a cd, and burnt it. Mark stopped by to make sure there were no hard feelings, but when he did the dead animal smell got in my room (GROSS); I sprayed some after shave scent when he'd left my room; didn't think it would ever get to Mark (Sorry Mark). Got my stuff together while the disc burnt, and heard Mark yelling about something upstairs followed by his door slamming - I really didn't think the smell would get to him as I'd only left my door open a crack (AGAIN - BIG SORRY!!!) - Now I'm collecting the disc and heading out - with my door FIRMLY CLOSED. Love you Mark.

Wish me luck. I'm so fucking hungry. And it's Thanksgiving!

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:47 PM
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   Friday, November 27, 2009

After the last entry, I packed up my stuff and left as quickly as possible. I drove calmly to Michael's where I joined him for 4 Whoniverse episodes; he'd (thankfully) watched me 2 least favorite episodes without me. I had a bit of a headache with the not eating and a bare bulb on display in his apartment so I took some pain killer and eventually had a bite to eat and some snacks. My tummy gave me slight problems but I was ok in the end.

The episodes that Michael watched Thanksgiving night:

29x12 Daleks in Manhattan [1]
29x13 Evolution of the Daleks [2]
29x14 They Keep Killing Suzie
29x15 The Lazarus Experiment
29x16 Random Shoes
29x17 42

I think I enjoyed "The Lazarus Experiement" & especially "42" more than I ever had previously.

Later, we dismantled (for my benefit), reconfigured, lighted and ornamented Michael's Christmas Tree. :-0) A nice memory. Michael let me know he'd taken care of an e-mail thing. And he got ready for bed, as did I, though I decided I wanted to go home for some alone time, which I've spent on Farm Town, gay.com, chatting with Mark, eating, reading, and just chilling out in general. Michael has to be up for work soon. He get off around 2 or 3pm, and says he'll then be home watching the Whoniverse again, so perhaps I'll see him tonight as well. He's planning on staying the night here Saturday. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:25 AM
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Spoke to Michael this morning. Chatted with Corey, then spoke to Michael. Beautiful fun moments, and so much confusion; emotionally, physically, complete turmoil with moments of passionate calm. That's what I am. Hanging by a thread; a puppet pulled to and fro by strings from my heart to the moon. Some instants are perfection, and then the memory of what was done behind my back engulf me... and I'm broken again. It's no wonder that my body reacted this way; no wonder I'm crumpled and crying...the puppets strings were cut, and he has to learn to walk on his own.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:21 AM
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Didn't get to sleep until after noon. I listened to Adam Lambert's CD twice. I've never seen American Idol, and didn't care they had a gay contestant (even if he was GLAM and sort of cute)...it was hard to stay away from news of him on the gay news sites, but the latest news about his 'controversial' AMA performance and his extremely cool response to said controvery got me interested. Amazing voice really.

So I listened to Adam, and I watched 1 of those Doctor Who Tribute Specials they aired earlier this year ("The Companions"), then read some of my Voyager book, which I'm enjoying. I've been meaning to read this one for awhile. There are currently 6 Voyager books that are set after the series (plus a bunch of other books where characters from the series appear). I read the first 2 when they were new, I started the 3rd one but couldn't get through it. I later learned I wasn't alone; that many people had a problem with the the 3rd & 4th books. There was a long break between installments (4.5 years), but the 5th volume got rave reviews, not just from Voyager fans or people that had read the first 4, but for fans who'd never read a Voyager book before, so I decided (against my nature) to skip books 3 & 4 and try the 5th. So far I'm really enjoying it, and don't feel lost at all (though I may someday read 3 & 4). There's a 6th volume on my shelf just waiting for me to get through this one, which many reviewed as the 2nd half of this one (which is itself sort of 2 books in one, so a duology that is really a trilogy).

I slept. I dreamt about friends in a tv show; misfits being cool...then shopping for books for Janice, only to be shown an animated book by Linda Riker...just before waking - something about the making of the 1933 King Kong. I had woken around 4pm. There was a text from about an hour before from Michael saying he was on his way home. I set up plans to maybe come over, or stay home and sleep. I felt more awake as I went so I showered and dressed. Michael was to watch a Torchwood episode, which is followed by 2 Doctor Who episodes I'd like to see with him, followed by a Torchwood episode I'd like to skip, and another Doctor Who episode I'd like to see (which is really good place for him to stop for now - because the next 8 episodes are linked) - is that confusing? It looks like this:

29x18 Out of Time (TW 1x10)
29x19 Human Nature [1] (DW 3x09)
29x20 The Family of Blood [2] (DW 3x10)
29x21 Combat (TW 1x11)
29x22 Blink (DW 3x11)

So I wanted to watch "Human Nature", "The Family of Blood" & "Blink" - I'd have loved to have seen "Out of Time" as well, but there wasn't time (loll) for me to join him for that one, and I knew it. So, yeah, I texted him to skip to 'Combat' and then we could watch the other 3 when I got there...only he misunderstood and started watching the movie "Wanted" with his roomie...so now I'm all ready to go over there, only they're watching this movie, that I sort of want to see (but not from the middle) and not with people who haven't seen it yet (cause I know how it ends - it was spoiled for me).

Michael suggested I come over now and he could stop watching the movie (which he obviously wanted to rewatch) and we could watch Who on his computer in his room - but I was there the other night when David was watching TV in the livingroom, with us in the bedroom with the doors closed and the racket was beyond annoying. So...I'm sitting here, having RUSHED through my 'breakfast' to get ready, only now I'm just sitting here, disappointed, when I could have had a proper meal, only there's no room in my tiny stomach for that now, and it's upset that I rushed it in the first place. :-0(

Erg.

I'm trying not to feel down, but it's not working. I had this mad burst of energy, and now it's all gone and I just feel gutted. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:20 PM
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Slept for a bit, so I missed Michael's calls that he was ready, only he texted Mark to not wake me, but to have me wake him when I woke up as he was going to bed. So I called him when I woke up but he told me to go back to sleep...only I don't think I can now. lol. Our timing sucks today. My tummy is kind of upset. I think I should eat something that could help it later, but I'm not sure what I should have. It's still early, maybe I could get a pizza if my tummy calms at all? I don't know. Maybe I should text Michael that I can't sleep, only he sounded SO TIRED on the phone. Maybe I should try to get back to sleep. I don't know anything at this point.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:07 PM
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I had some food. I watched the most recent Desperate Housewives. I smiled. But my stomach is still a bit upset. I'll try to relax. Maybe I can sleep. Or read. Or something. I hope Michael is sleeping well and not worried or disappointed that I'm not there.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:35 PM
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Can't sleep. My stomach seems to be calming down. If it stays that way I'll head over to Michael's in a bit.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:41 PM
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   Sunday, November 29, 2009

Still loving Adam Lambert's cd.

I did go to Michael's Friday night, late, and joined him in bed for sexy snuggles. Later we watched Doctor Who, and then Michael slept while I read before joining him. We got up at 6am and left together, me for him, and he for work. I had a migrain; I took Midrin. I read a bit when I got home, and then slept. I had mad dreams; more lesbianism and transgenderism, this time with some of The L Word cast. Seriously. Woke up with migrain and barely able to open jaw. More painkiller and a shake. Farm Town / Facebook. Later chatted randomly with Bradlee (formerly of Adrian; currently of Saginaw) who, with a certain amount of class, apologised for his behavior during our last terrible conversation before our parting. Michael joined me, having watched 3 Torchwood episodes and we watched the next 4 Doctor Who episodes before he passed out. I did some laundry, brushed my teeth and wrote this.

In the last 24 hours Michael has viewed these Whoniverse installments:

29x18 Out of Time
29x19 Human Nature [1]
29x20 The Family of Blood [2]
29x21 Combat
29x22 Blink
29x23 Captain Jack Harkness [1]
29x24 End of Days [2]
29x25 Utopia [3]
29x26 The Sound of Drums [4]
29x27 Last of the Time Lords [5]
29x28 Time Crash [6]

All he has left of Season 29 is:

29x29 Voyage of the Damned [7]

"Time Crash" & "Voyage of the Damned" are the first 2 episodes of the set that I just borrowed back from Mike & Emily on Wednesday, so I got them back just in time apparently. Michael now has 73 episodes left to watch if he wants to be caught up before the Christmas Special. I'm sure he'll make it...and even if he doesn't, I bet he'll be done by New Year's Day, which is when the Season 31 Finale is rumored to air.

I'm gonna go cuddle with Michael.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:24 AM
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Cuddled with Michael for a bit...but remembered that the Cipro I was on for several weeks was said to cause tendonitus, and got up, wondering if this is perhaps what's wrong with my jaw? I'm not sure. Obviously. But it's something to look into.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:35 AM
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After the last entry I went to my Farm Town and sold off or deleted all my stuff. Coming out of retirement to plow and plant and sell stuff again I think...or just set up a different farm I guess. I was tired of the last one, which I built before learning the truth about Michael; I wanted change. And now I've got it. lol. There are things I want to 'buy' in the game which I don't have money for because the way my farm was set up I couldn't produce that many cash crops but that's changed now. In a few weeks or months perhaps I'll retire again with a brand new setup. ;-0)

I slept with Michael after all that. Waking up when he exclaimed he was running late. I showed him the farm, kissed him and he was out the door. I hope he's not too late today. It was fun sleeping next to him, and I miss him already.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:43 AM
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Read random Doctor Who themed stuff; spoke to Michael on the phone, and was told, much to my surprise, that today is Sunday and not Monday as I had thought all morning!

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:46 PM
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Napped. Chatted. Snacked. Farmed. Exchanged messages with Chris. Spoke to Michael on the phone again.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:02 PM
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