Friday, January 1, 2010

It's now 2010.

Today marks 9 months since my first date with Michael.

And in entertainment news:

The 10th Doctor will be leaving us on this day.

The 11th Doctor will have a 14 episode season this year. K9 will have 26 episodes. Sarah Jane is likely to return, as is Torchwood.

21 days until the BSG Universe is expanded with the premiere of Caprica. Even if this season does poorly and is cancelled, it will be like a bonus season of BSG so it's a win / win really.

Within that 21 days we'll get the final 3 episodes of Dollhouse. I'm not sad about this, and would have been satisfied with only 1 season. It's an intesting concept but Eliza was a poor choice to lead I think; she's not a strong enough actress to pull this one off. When it's great, it's really great, but when it's bad (which is sadly, more often than not), it sucks beyond the telling of it. Hopefully the series ends well. If it does than I'll be able to recommend it to people as a flawed, but worthwhile series - my least favorite Joss Whedon effort. If it ends badly, then it will just be a failure...though a failure that has more promise than many peoples successes.

This year will give us the end of LOST, which I'll hopefully be all caught up on right before the end - I'll check to see if Michael wants to watch it with me. Again, hopefully this series ends well; it's hard to end a series well. :-0)

An untitled New Frontier novel should come out in June.

We have a new Harry Potter movie on the way (November 19), and a new Predator movie ("Predators" - set for a release July 7).

The 3rd Abarat book is rumored to be released late in 2010.

October - January 2011 sees the release of a 4 book Trek series that features a new DS9 volume, along with an Aventine novel (which is basically a DS9 offshoot).

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:11 AM
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Michael's not coming over this morning after all. This is sad because we're not spending New Year's and / or our 9 month anniversary together. He is however planning on coming over tomorrow night, and has asked if we can delay our celebration until then, which is understandable considering how stressed he is tonight. Hopefully all is well in the world. It's just a bit disappointing. But I try to be an understanding boyfriend. I'll just chill out the way I usually do. Read or something.

"All is quiet on New Year's Day..."

I remember listening to that song in the car on New Year's Day when Jeff broke up with me. The song keeps popping into my head.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:56 AM
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I seem to be snacking a lot tonight, but my stomach isn't having any troubles, so maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it will help me heal faster? I'm craving all kinds of stuff. Maybe I'm pregnant. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:42 AM
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Read some Robotech before bed. Dreamt I was on a tv show, but can't remember which one at the moment - something extremely gay. I woke up feeling like I have a cold. I worked on Michael's farm. One of mine should be ready to harvest soon. My older sister Janice joined Facebook yesterday. I exchanged messages with family and friends. And then I watched the first gay sex scene in USA Daytime Soaps history! Very nice; very romantic; you can download the original song from Itunes [My Confession" by Rie Sinclair & Friends]:

Doctor Who should be available in about 7 hours.

Mark went to the doctor; they gave him antibiotics. He offered to share, but I'm not convinced that I have the same thing as him, or if I do, that mine is as severe. I think he might have more than one thing going on. If I need to go to the doctors I will.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:56 PM
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I read. I took a nap. I talked to Michael on the phone. Looks like he's gonna go home after work to do his laundry and then come over; so not here until 3 or 4 am. He has Saturday off though, and closes on Sunday (with Monday off) so that should be alright. He's got Monday & Friday off this week so we might hit Necto. I watched a cheesy Christmas movie that I'd downloaded and given to Michael (at his request); one of those family movie things that's perfect when you're 5 or 6, but lame once you hit puberty, and then almost ok again when you're an adult...only not. It's called "Christmas Caper". It was dumb, but cutesy.

Doctor Who isn't available yet. I just shaved and showered. I didn't do a great job shaving; missed spots and shaved too close in others, but not bleeding, so I'm good. lol. I'll reshave later with the electric.

I should probably eat soon.

Thinking of going to Meijer later to get Michael an ice scraper for his car as a late Christmas gift. I also need new toothbrushes as Mark apparently shot snotty germs all over our tooth brushes and I tossed them; including one that was Michael's. Thinking I'll hit Meijer's and then join Michael for his laundry duty so we can chill together before coming back here.

We're probably going to watch the new Doctor Who (which I've since heard has a few more special guest stars than I thought - plus I think I saw a spoiler that I have no understanding of - so looking forward to that!). We're also starting Robotech; gonna watch up until the spot I'm reading in the books, and then continue on as I read (or that's the plan). Also gonna start watching LOST together.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:54 PM
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The Doctor has regenerated. Wow. All those neat little endings. How did Martha end up with him? What happened to hottie Doctor Thomas Milligan? Who was the mysterious woman? Will Alonso Frame be joining Torchwood? (that would be awesome) Will we ever see any of these characters again? I guess we'll probably have to wait and see... More Doctor Who, Torchwood, Sarah Jane to come.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:05 PM
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   Saturday, January 2, 2010

Joined Michael for laundry, then drove us to Meijer getting stuff for us and Mark, then CVS for Mark, and then home. I was exhausted by this point, my cold getting worse; Mark was cranky, and I was falling apart. Michael and watched the latest Who; I think Michael cried at the end. Then sleep.

I only slept about 4 hours; woke up feeling gross. And I can't just stay home today because I drove us out here and Michael has stuff to do today so I'll have to (at the very least) drive Michael back to his car. Blah.

Here is the trailer (which was not attched to last night's RTD finale) for Series 31 (or Series 32, or Series 5, or Series 1) of Who:

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:44 AM
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Went back to bed after the last entry, and was nicely fucked. Then showered, and back to bed. My cold was feeling worse. I slept a bit with Michael cuddles, then I drove him home. I worked on my farm, while Michael worked on his, then I left and read some reviews of The End of Time, Part II, which I can say is rather odd, but a fitting send off to the 10th Doctor and the Russel T. Davis years of Doctor Who. It was nicely bookended, and clearly points out that the story that began with "Rose" in 2005, has now ended, yet lives on.

I fear I may soon become the grouchy sick person. :-0(

I'm going to try and chilld. Might take some cough medicine. Sleep & reading are in the forecast.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:54 PM
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   Sunday, January 3, 2010

I took a nap after the last entry. A text from Michael woke me up. I read some Doctor Who related articles, rewatched the closing moments of the 10th Doctor, which brought me to tears this time, had a chat with Mark, then called Michael back. We chatted on yahoo about his furnature, then I went back to reading about Who. I started reading but Mark interrupted me and I never got back to it. Michael went back to watching Buffy; he's watching Season 3 at the moment - recently finishing "The Prom". I randomly watched "Rose" from Doctor Who; the first episode of New Who from which most of the current magic sprang. I might sleep. I might have a shake and more reading. I don't know really.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:15 AM
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Ok. I've watched the trailer for the 11th Doctor several times now and I've decided I'm rather excited to see how the new season plays out. I didn't like the 10th Doctor at first, and he didn't feel right to me until the end of his first season, and I didn't love him until 3 quarters of the way through his 2nd season, but at this point I'm pretty much hooked on the Whoniverse so it would really have to suck for me to end my association with it. But I don't think it will be bad. I think it will be good. Plus I believe that both Sarah Jane & Torchwood will be back and I want to see what happens next for them as well.

Now if I could just fast forward time until the next installment airs. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:05 AM
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Michael & I are no longer a couple. What we are now remains to be seen. He says he doesn't want to lose me and that he needs my help...and I'm willing to help him, but I can't trust him, though I love him deeply. We'll see what happens next.

And my cold is getting a lot worse.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:42 PM
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Everytime I watch "The End of Time, Part II" I cry during a different section. This time I cried when the Doctor heard the 4 knocks...and then all through his speech after that. Tears pouring down my face. The end of an era. I'm very excited to see next season of Who. It would be wonderful if I loved the new series as much as the one that's just finished; wonderful if this wasn't the end of my love affair with Who, and this was just a wonderful transition. Mark said he might not watch the next season, but I hope he will. I wish I could get these episodes to Mollie somehow.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:44 PM
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I don't believe in most religous stuff. I just don't. I think it's possible there is a god, but I doubt it has anything to do with the bible or any other religous text. I don't believe in magic or ghosts. Yet there have been moments in my life when things have been extremely clear...and have clearly been beyond the normal. Times when I knew that my older sister was sick or in a hospital, or pregnant - when there was no way for me to know that. And we've had the same dreams, she and I. And what about that summer I was seemingly randomly haunted by recurring dreams of tornados, which ended when my Aunt was caught in one? I somehow find ways to not believe though. To laugh it off. To pretend it's not happening.

Yet I find in my life that I'm constantly seeking bookends; things in my life coming full circle. I like that kind of imagery. When I've made mixed cds for people I've insisted that the first and last songs be linked. I've always been that way. And I'm sure it's silly nonsense, but it haunts me, and maybe that's because I see bookends in my life on nights like tonight.

Sometimes...Somtimes just for moments, other times for days, I get glimpses of memory and emotion and it's all tied together in the present. It's like I'm meditating or praying and the answers are just there for me to see; clear as day. Maybe I'm crazy. I don't know. Maybe I'm just dramatic. But I know what I know, and I believe what I believe.

On May 20, 2009, my then boyfriend Michael Slaughter cheated on me for the first time with a man named Joseph Mendoza; I wouldn't learn the truth of what happened that day until months later, and lived that summer in blissful ignorance. That same day in May, and also unknown to me at the time, David Tennant filmed his final scene as the 10th Doctor for the Doctor Who episode "The End of Time, Part II", the story for which would serve as the final 10th Doctor story and his regeneration into the 11th. I watched that episode with Michael Slaughter on Saturday January 2, 2010. In less that 24 hours time we would no longer be a couple, and the circle of pain that began with his indiscretion on May 20th culminated with my own regeneration of sorts, from boyfriend, to friend.

On January 2, 2009, almost exactly 3 months to the day, before I met Michael in person on our first date (and most likely exactly 3 months before I slept with him for the first time)...I took a series of self photographs in which multiple people have said that I looked haunted...and while I felt great emotion during the taking of those pictures, I couldn't explain why. Now I believe...that part of me knew...that a year from then my life would be changed. Not knew...but felt. The photographs were an echo back through time you could say. But that's crazy, and silly, and impossible. But that's the feeling I felt and the feeling I feel. Here are a few of the photographs taken that day, 1 year before my loss:

The same night I spent with Michael and watched that episode, the last time I held him in my arms and believed I could trust him - the night I agreed again to marry him - I let him cum inside me (only the 2nd time I'd permitted such an act). The first time a boy did that it was my cousin Jeff. That night with my cousin was very special to me, but I never saw that Jeff again; I woke up without him there, and the next time I saw him was years later, after he'd been in a terrible accident and he'd suffered brain damage which had significantly changed who he was before. This time I let Michael cum inside me, and the next time I saw him I knew that he was trying to cheat again. I could have broken things off with him then, but I decided to wait and give myself the followup night of being held that was denied me when I slept with Jeff all those years ago. It felt like the completion of a cycle.

While sleeping with Michael the morning of January 3, 2010, he rubbed Vicks Vapor Rub into my skin to help with my cough. The first time since my mother did so when I was very young; bringing back a surge of fevered childhood memories, and reafirming to me that Michael is a part of my family and always will be. Our relationship has grown and changed us, and will continue to do so I think, but he's a part of me that I don't want to lose, though we may never be what I'd hoped for. Just like the relationship with my mother.

Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there to comfort myself in the dark of my pain, but I can't help it. I'll understand if you laugh at me. I probably would if I were in your place. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong. Because even if nothing mystical is happening here, something human definitely is. And all my senses are telling me this moment in time matters, and that other moments in my life have prepared me for it. Maybe that's all this is.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:38 PM
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   Monday, January 4, 2010

I've eaten. Exchanged some e-mails. Had moments of delerious doubt, love & pain. I feel empty.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:02 AM
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Chatted on the phone & yahoo with Michael. He still wants to be a couple. I can't trust him. But I want to help him. Not sure where that leaves us.

Chatted on yahoo with Karen. She's all caught up on the Whoniverse!!! Awesome!

Speaking of which...I need to get my discs out to Mikea, Jean, Pat & Cara! I'll work on them today sometime. After I sleep.

My farm is nearly done though. Maybe I'll wait for sleep until that's done...and then sleep while stuff is growing.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:59 AM
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Having trouble sleeping.

Just finished working on my farm. I've got crops coming in Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday. Slowly getting more cash so I can decorate my farms.

18 days until Dollhouse ends and Caprica begins. I hope Dollhouse ends well, and that Caprica can continue on from the pilot in a cool way, without losing anything. Even if this season is cancelled, there were still be the 77 BSG episodes to follow.

The new season of Doctor Who should start in about 3 months. Torchwood & Sarah Jane haven't been greenlit yet, so aren't likely to air until Fall 2010 at the earliest. No word on when K9 begins airing.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:18 AM
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I read more Robotech before bed. I'm not sure what time I fell asleep, but I woke up at 5:30pm. I talked to Michael on the phone. I had a prilosec. I reminded Michael to harvest his farm. My cold is so much worse than it was a few days ago. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:38 PM
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Now, along with my cold, my stomach is upset too, which it hadn't been for several days. I took some pepto. Hope it helps.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:10 PM
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New Freakyness - the other night I woke up freaked out from a dream in which Michael's building was on fire. It freaked me out so much that I called Michael to make sure he was ok. That was Sunday morning. Today his building WAS on fire. Crazy. It's under control, but he called to let me know.

Been chatting with Michael Eisinger; former boyfriend, or Michael#1 as he refers to himself. It's fun. Nice. Comforting.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:26 PM
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   Tuesday, January 5, 2010

After chatting with Michael E, I read some more Robotech, and then randomly slept for a few hours. Mark had gone to the store and I was planning on going to Michael Slaughter's when he got home and the car was nice and warm, but I didn't wake up until around 1:30am, at which point the car was surely cold again. I read called Michael, who was also sleeping, to tell him I'd fallen asleep. He called me back to tell me he'd fallen asleep too. We had an intense conversation about our relationship; where it's going; if there's any way to fix it. We talked about his cheating and how he feels when he does that, and where I fit in, and it was all very sad. His life makes me sad; his pain makes me sad. He let me go.

I talked to Mark for a bit, and then Michael called me back and we talked some more. I want to help him, but I'm not sure how. I want to be his friend. I want to be his husband, but I can't be his husband if I don't trust him. I need time. And I don't know if he can give it to me. It's complicated and simple at the same time. But I'm keeping the conversation going. If I can be there for him, then I want to be. I love him. I like to think that's just the kind of person that I am.

Anyways, I might go visit him for a little while. But it's not all selflessness. He has chocolate I want to try! ;-0)

I'll probably finish my book later today - and I'll work on my farm too. I may start rereading the Harry Potter books next. Not sure.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:46 AM
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I did visit Michael yesterday morning. I gave him a handjob, but refused anything else. I told him I don't want to lose him, but I can't trust him and don't see a way to fix this; that I can't be with him unless I have some kind of guarentee that he won't cheat on me again...and his word just isn't worth a lot anymore. He's lied by omission; he's lied to my face after the fact; he's lied to me on the phone while looking for sex. I can't believe him when he says it won't happen again. I need something more. I don't know what that something is, but it can't be me holding him prisoner because that's not the kind of relationship that I want or deserve. He said he'll figure something out and I told him he'd better because I'm not letting this drop. I can't afford to. Oh...and the chocolates I wanted to try (Hershy's pot of gold) were crap. I'm so glad I didn't buy them for myself.

About Michael. We broke up the other day, but we're still a couple. It's hard to explain, but I don't feel single. And I am willing to give this relationship more time to heal and work out a solution than I would have in the past for anyone else...because I simply love this man...and while I'm putting my foot down and saying what I need for this relationship to work...and while I don't know if it can survive this stress that's been placed upon it...I hope that it can endure. I can give him time. I can give him support. I can give him almost anything because my love of him makes me strong. I just can't be with him and pretend that everything is alright when it's not...I can't allow him to treat me in this manner in the future because no matter how much I love him, I have to love myself too.

I came home after and worked on my farm much of the day. I didn't get to bed until around 3pm, and even then I was only able to sleep about 4 hours. This cold is tough, plus Mark coughs really loudly so it's hard to sleep unless he's asleep.

Before I slept, Michael called me to let me know that he'd caught my cold, something I've warned him about since I got it, but he's insisted on kissing me open mouthed at every opportunity so I can't feel terrible about it as I did all I could; I even resisted the kissing at first. Later, after I'd woken (and just shot a load all over my self) he called to tell me he's taken tomorrow off. I showered and then wrote this.

My farm will need work in about 6 hours time I think. I haven't read my book today, but will probably do that soon. Also require food...and possibly cough medicine. Mark says he's starting to feel better, but he doesn't sound better. Hopefully he is on the mend; I hate seeing him suffer. I doubt my illness will improve as quickly as his though; my colds either last a week, or they linger. This one feels like the latter.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:34 PM
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   Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I watched Nip/Tuck 6x01. It feels like the show has lost it's way. I'm sorely tempted to stop watching it...yet I know there are only 18 more episodes; the series ends in March. I'll probably watch the rest of it.

I didn't get much sleep, so I'm tired. I haven't eaten really, so I feel out of it. I'm sick...so I feel...sick.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:03 AM
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I talked to Michael on the phone while he drove home from work. We talked again about where we stand. Michael implied that something might be happening on Friday to help ensure oure possible future together. I'm not sure what that means. He asked me if I was scared that there might be a chance that we might break up. I told him that I'm scared but not because there might be a chance, but that I know there is a very real chance. It's not a theory. It's at the door and tapping it's foot.

Erg.

It wasn't all doom and gloom. We worked on each other's farms. And will do again in a couple hours. I think I might read a chapter or two, and then eat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:56 AM
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I read. I slept. I ate during the next round of farm work, around 4am. I got some new mashups for the first time in like 9 months. I read still more; I have 25 pages left, but was distracted by the neighbors fucking. lol. I should be tired, but I kind of want more food.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:41 AM
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Finally got to sleep around 11:30am. Slept until around 5:30pm. Woke up with a migrain. Called Michael, who offered to go to the pharmacy for me, but Mark was dressed and ready to go so we let Mark go instead (for which I'm very grateful); he also went to kroger and LC so I'd have food to eat with my Midrin. Now my headache is getting better, but my stomach feels very full; not like I ate too much, but kind of like there's food stuck in there inspite of me taking my reglan. Maybe it's those damned vitamins. lol

Michael & I worked on our farms. He's in Season 5 of his Buffy marathon. I'm gonna lay down with my Robotech book and try not to miss him too much. I'm miserable with head pain and a cold, but still wish he was here cuddling with me.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:22 PM
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   Thursday, January 7, 2010

Entry UPDATED!

Farm work / play. Reading. Sleeping. Chatting with Mark & Michael about by suppressed 3rd grade attraction to Billy Idol. Talking about my past with Michael upset him, as it often does. He feels threatened when I have a close connection with people I knew before him and wonders if I'd be happier with someone who hasn't made as many mistakes as he has, but what he doesn't understand is that I'm in love with him and only him, and that the only things I need from him are his love and his fidelity. If I could have just those 2 things he'd make me a very happy man.

I later found some Doctor Who news and artwork like the picture below which is my new desktop pic:

SPOILERS TO FOLLOW:

The Who News is the list of writers for the new season of 13 episodes; the list doesn't count the next Christmas Spcecial. Here's how the writers line up:

Steven Moffat [6 episodes]
previously wrote:
The Empty Child *****
The Doctor Dances *****
The Girl in the Fireplace *****
Blink *****
Time Crash ****
Silence in the Library ****
Forest of the Dead *****

Chris Chibnall [2 episodes]
prviously wrote:
"Day One" ****
"Cyberwoman" **
"Countrycide" *****
"42" ***
"End of Days" *****
"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" ****
"Adrift" *****
"Fragments" *****
"Exit Wounds" ****

Mark Gatiss [1 episode]
previously wrote:
"The Unquiet Dead" ****
"The Idiot's Lantern" ***

Toby Whithouse [1 episode]
previously wrote:
"School Reunion" ***
"Greeks Bearing Gifts" ***

Gareth Roberts [1 episode]
previously wrote:
"Attack of the Graske" **
"The Shakespeare Code" ****
"Invasion of the Bane" ****
"Revenge of the Slitheen" ***
"The Unicorn and the Wasp" ****
"Whatever Happened To Sarah Jane?" ****
"Secrets of the Stars" ***
"The Temptation of Sarah Jane Smith" ****
"From Raxacoricofallapatorius with Love" **
"The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith" ****
"Planet of the Dead" ***

New Writers:
Richard Curtis [1 episode]
Simon Nye [1 episode]

It's rumored that the episodes play out like this (though not all of this has been confirmed):

01 The Eleventh Hour
Written by Steven Moffat
Directed by Adam Smith

This episode picks up exactly where "The End of Time, Part II" leaves off. It's also known that we'll be getting a new version of the TARDIS, the opening credits / music, new sonic screwdriver, obviously the new Doctor, new behind the scenes crew and new companion Amy Pond:

And here's the 11th Doctor, still wearing the 10th's torn clothing:

Scenes from this episode can be seen in the recent trailer which I'll repost at the end of this post.

02 The Beast Below
Written by Steven Moffat
Directed by Andrew Gunn

Rumored to feature monks with keys.

03 Victory of the Daleks
Written by Mark Gatiss
Directed by Andrew Gunn

Rumored to feature Daleks and Winston Churchill. Daleks can be seen in the recent trailer, including what appears to be a white variant. A WWII set episode which sees the Allies using the Daleks to take on the Nazis.

The plot of this episode, and it's writer, were revealed in a Dark Horizons article.

04 The Time of Angels [Part I]
05 Flesh and Stone [Part II]
Written by Steven Moffat
Directed by Adam Smith

The episode titles and the return of River Song were revealed in an online post by a fan claiming to have a list of 7 spoilers about upcoming Who episodes and specials; so far 5 of the 7 spoilers have proved true, while the 2 that remain pertain to these installments.

The return of the Weeping Angels & Professor River Song (after she's met the Doctor, but before 'Silence in the Library) - featuring the previously mentioned 'crash of the Byzantium' (mentioned as an event in the lives of River and the Doctor's in "Silence in the Library").

***note the wreackage the Doctor is walking past. Then flip it and enhance:

Nifty.

And here's River Song:

And the Weeping Angels have definitely been confirmed to be returning, and were seen in the recent trailer...as was River Song.

06 Vampires in Venice
Written by Toby Whithouse
Directed by Johnny Campbell

Rumored to be set in 1580. The rumored title of this episode appeared long before we actually saw what appear to be vampires in the recent trailer.

07 ???
Written by Somon Nye
Directed by Catherine Morshead

08 ??? [Part I]
09 Cold Blood [Part II]
Written by Chris Chibnall
Directed by Ashley Way

Rumored to feature the return of Classic Who villains the Silurians. The Silurians are a reptillian race, and there are reptillian aliens in the recent trailer though they don't look quite like the Silurians of old, which has the fans fuming in some quarters. I'm sure if these are Silurians there will be some form of explanation.

10 Vincent & the Doctor
Written by Richard Curtis
Directed by Jonny Campbell

Richard Curtis wrote and directed "Love Actually"; one of Mollie's favorite movies (which I also love).

This episode features Van Gogh & a yellow monster. Recent filming suggests Van Gogh will vist 2010.

11 ???
Written by Gareth Roberts
Directed by Catherine Morshead

12 The Pandorica Opens [Part I]
13 ??? [Part II]
Written by Steven Moffat
Directed by Toby Haynes

Rumored to feature the Cybermen or Daleks, though this is seeming less and less likely as anything more than a cameo apperance. Also rumored to feature River Song (she's been seen during filming) - though if she returns it's unknown if (per her timeline) it will be set before or after the earlier episodes in the season - there are also rumors that River may become a companion in this episode.

It's been said that the 'diary' of River and the Doctor has been seen during filming and that Stonehenge & a museum will also feature.

14 ??? (Christmas Special 2010)
Written by Steven Moffat
Directed by ???

I'm excited about everything but the Daleks. I'd have been slightly more interested in the Dalek installment if Steven Moffat was writing it as I've yet to see anything by him that didn't rate 4 or 5 stars (out of 5). Still, he is head writer and will have to have approved the story and has the power of rewrites...so there is hope.

Here, again, is the trailer for next season of Who:

What of the other Whoniverse shows?

According to a recent interview with RTD, Sarah Jane will be back in Autumn 2010. The previous 2 seasons have had 6 stories spread over 12 episodes. It's been said that a 1 hour special is also in the works, but it's unknown if this will give us an episode total of 11 (like they had in Season 1) or 13.

K9 Mark I will have his own series of 26 episodes. Titles for which include:

1x01 Regeneration [Part I]
1x02 Liberation [Part II]
1x03 The Korven
1x04 The Bounty Hunter
1x05 Sirens of Ceres
1x06 Fear Itself
1x07 Fall of the House of Gryffen
1x08 Jaws of Orthrus
1x09 Dreameaters
1x10 The Curse of Anubis
1x11 Oroborus
1x12 Alien Avatar
1x13 Aeolian
1x14 The Last Oak Tree
1x15 Black Hunger
1x16 The Cambridge Spy
1x17 Lost Library of Ukko
1x18 Mutant Copper [Part I]
1x19 The Custodians [Part II]
1x20 Taphony and the Time Loop
1x21 Robot Gladiators
1x22 Mind Snap
1x23 Angel of the North
1x24 The Last Precinct
1x25 Hound of the Korven [Part I]
1x26 Eclipse of the Korven [Part II]

Torchwood is rumored to be returning for a 4th Season of 13 episodes, though that hasn't been confirmed. It's also rumored that Alonso Frame from Doctor Who's "Voyage of the Damned" & "The End of Time, Part II" might be appearing in the new season. And there are multiple rumblings that there may be episodes set in America.

And that about covers everything for now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:28 AM
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I finished my Robotech book [#03: Homecoming] & cried a little at the passing of a beloved character. It's not so much that I love the character, but I love the characters that love him, actually.

I showered. I ate. I burned some Who discs for my friend Jean. I've got 2 more before I'm done. Perhaps I can get them to her today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:13 AM
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Got some sleep finally. Woke up around 1pm (I think, though I'm not sure). There was a really sweet voicemail from Michael. Worked on his farm. Talked to Mark for a bit. Worked on my website. Updated a blog entry with still more Doctor Who news ;-0)

We got a huge snowstorm today which sucks. I was going to drive out to my friend Jean's house to deliver Doctor Whoniverse Season 31, but I'm not sure I can make it. Plus we need more water. Hmmm. I'll take a shower and consider my options. Oh...and I should clean my place up a bit, as Michael's coming over tonight. We're still a couple officially; I want this to work and I'm giving it my all. I just hope Michael can give me what I need to give us our happy ending. If he can, AWESOME! If he can't, then I'll always be there for him, and I can be his friend...though if he ever got his life together where he could couple and it wasn't with me it would kill me.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:58 PM
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   Friday, January 8, 2010

Michael didn't come over last night due to the storm, and having to be at work at 9am. I slept a little. Put some stuff in order on my computer. I ordered a new remote for the camera, Buffy Season 8 Volume 5, preordered Buffy Season 8 Volume 6 (which comes out in March), and also preordered the final 3 David Tennant specials: "The Waters of Mars", & "The End of Time, Parts I & II" (which come out February 2). I used a gift certificate which saved me about $16. I want to go to the comic shop today and get a Willow 1 shot that came out last month which may explain some of my confusion about her Season 8 arc away. When Volume 6 of the graphic novels arrives I might read the season thus far (which includes 9 volumes & a couple 1 shots which may or may not be collected in future graphic novels) and continue with the final issues of the season as we are fast approaching the end of Buffy Season 8 and I'm very interested to see how it plays out. I've not read the last 11 issues, so that could be a lot of fun.

I tried starting a reread of the Harry Potter books and just couldn't get into it for some reason. I instead started the next Robotech book (#04: BattleHymn); perhaps I'll just read that series until I need a break from it (there are 21 volumes all together); I've read the entire series before in 1996 (having read several of the volumes multipe times before that), but I've not really read them since then. I read the firt 2 volumes last year. The first 6 make up the First Generation. Volume 7 is a Lost Generation volume, which is my favorite book in the series. Volumes 8-12 ("The Sentinels") carries on from one point of view in space, while Volumes 13-20 (Lost Generation: "The Masters' Gambit", 2nd Generation, Lost Generation: "Before the Invid Storm" & 3rd Generation) fill us in on what was happening on Earth during 8-12, sometimes crossing over with the previous novels. And volume 21 ("The End of the Circle") brings it all together in one huge finale.

I've been tempted lately to start rewatching BSG (I keep having memories of the miniseries), only I have so many other things to watch that I'm not sure I can afford to. I watched the first episode of Dexter last night (we have the first 3 or 4 seasons) and I'm not sure I'm going to continue with that one or not; it's pretty gruesome and I don't know if I want to be watching that one all the time. I suspect I'll put off rewatching BSG as long as I can so I can see where Caprica takes us. It would be interesting if Caprica had a good long run and then I rewatched all of that, continuing on with BSG. I'm such a geek.

I kind of feel like cleaning. I may do that next.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:51 AM
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Cleaning was sidetracked by monster migrain. Pain Killer is slowly taking effect. Hoping I can get some cleaning done after I plant crops on Michael's farm.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:48 AM
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Headache is still with me but muted. Made my bed. Finished burning Whoniverse discs for my friend Jean, which I hope to deliver today, as she lives in Ann Arbor. I'd like to go to the comic shop and pick up that Willow comic. I need groceries. I'd like to work on my BSG page on my website. Michael should be here for a visit by noon. Our relationship is in turmoil at the moment, but he's looking into therapy which I think could be very helpful; at least I hope it will be, because I don't want to lose him. When he's not looking for sex with other boys he's perfection, despite his love of Charmed ;-0)

Anyways...I should get some more cleaning done. Also...I so need to clip my nails and finish shaving.

The back of my tongue feels oddly swollen. What's up with that?

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I have an appointment with a TMJ specialist (not covered by my insurance) on March 2nd at 3pm. I hope that all goes well. I try so hard to not stress about my jaw but it's an every day annoyance. And I really can't express enough how much I miss sucking cock.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:39 AM
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Doing the dishes now. Sorted some trash from my room, the bathroom and living room. Got rid of some stuff and organized other things in the refriderator. Cleaned off the counters a bit. Trying to make the living room look less like we don't use it at all. lol. There are just so many things to do!

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:08 AM
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Washing towels. Sorting clothes. Just got off the phone with Michael; he's on his way here. I'm sleepy. There's still so much cleaning that needs to be done in this place, but I need to shave. I clipped my nails earlier. Michael is gonna stop and pick up water for me on his way, which is nice as that's the only thing I had to do today that would have taken me out of Ann Arbor (or is it merely the other side of Ann Arbor?) - whatever. So...Vault of Midnight, Whole Foods, and Jean's. I can probably do that. I do need to sleep though. And cuddles are required.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:25 AM
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   Saturday, January 9, 2010

When Michael arrived on Friday we went, almost immiediately (after he harvested his farm) to bed. Naked cuddles, asleep in each other's arms for about 6 hours. Perfection. Sometimes when we sleep together it gets too hot, temperature wise, but I didn't feel that this time, which is always nice. While we were sleeping Mark went to a comic shop, and kindly got me the special Willow one shot issue that I needed. After waking, I left with Mark to drop off Jean's Who discs (success), Meijer for some Boost / Frozen foods, and then Whole Foods for my daily doses of tofu / soy / bread. I forgot to get some Silk. I still have a bit left so I'll be ok. Then home. Michael was watching Buffy ("Belonging") but I've always had a hard time watching that episode so I begged him off of it. We had fun masturbatory time (twice), and I gave him a really good massage I think. He watched the first episode of "Wolverine & the X-Men", but didn't seem overly impressed - though he responded to the humor. I don't know if he'll watch the rest of the series or not. We wrestled and played a lot; lots of laughter. Later, I decided I wanted a more intense sexual encounter, with the knowledge that he's not cheated on me since September, and that I might not be able to trust to that fact in the future, we had a fantastic fuck; knowing all the while that it could be the last time, but hoping that it wouldn't be. And I should note that Michael resisted this; didn't pressure me at all because of my earlier feelings, but I knew what I wanted and went for it. No regrets. Later we worked on our farms, and then ate, and watched the first 3 episodes of "Lost"; he seems to like the show. I've seen most of the first 2 seasons. My only worry about us watching the show is that we'll rush through it and then I'll have to wait for the final episodes...but it should end in a few months anyways so I guess that's not too much to worry about. We slept. I slept for 4 hours. I woke and couldn't get back to sleep. I read my e-mail. I read the Willow one shot, and then wrote this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:59 AM
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Michael just left. He's gotta work today, so he needed to go home to get ready. I miss him already.

Ok. BIG BUFFY POST!

About the Willow one shot ("Goddesses & Monsters") - it wasn't what I expected it to be, and didn't provide the answers I was looking for exactly, but it did touch on them, so I suspect that my questions will eventually be answered. Also, the volume is set between the end of Season 7 ("Chosen") and the start of Season 8 ("The Long Way Home, Part I"). There's another 1 shot that I need, but I'm not sure how it fits in to the series over all. Perhaps I'll track that down later? Anyways, as I see it, discounting the Angel comics (which I read about 20 issues of and decided they were lame), this cool continuation of Buffy has the Buffy / Angel saga unfolding like this:

Buffyverse Season 01:
001 Welcome to the Hellmouth [Part I]
002 The Harvest [Part II]
003 The Witch
004 Teacher's Pet
005 Never Kill a Boy on the First Date
006 The Pack
007 Angel
008 I Robot -- You Jane
009 The Puppet Show
010 Nightmares
011 Out of Mind, Out of Sight
012 Prophecy Girl

Buffyverse Season 02:
013 When She Was Bad
014 Some Assembly Required
015 School Hard
016 Inca Mummy Girl
017 Reptile Boy
018 Halloween
019 Lie To Me
020 The Dark Age
021 What's My Line, Part I
022 What's My Line, Part II
023 Ted
024 Bad Eggs
025 Surprise [Part I]
026 Innocence [Part II]
027 Phases
028 Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered
029 Passion
030 Killed by Death
031 I Only Have Eyes For You
032 Go Fish
033 Becoming, Part I
034 Becoming, Part II

Buffyverse Season 03:
035 Anne
036 Dead Man's Party
037 Faith, Hope & Trick
038 Beauty & the Beasts
039 Homecoming
040 Band Candy
041 Revelations
042 Lovers Walk
043 The Wish
044 Amends
045 Gingerbread
046 Helpless
047 The Zeppo
048 Bad Girls [Part I]
049 Consequences [Part II]
050 Dopplegangland
051 Enemies
052 Earshot
053 Choices
054 The Prom
055 Graduation Day, Part I
056 Graduation Day, Part II

Buffyverse Season 04:
057 The Freshman
058 City Of...
059 Living Conditions
060 Lonely Hearts
061 The Harsh Light of Day [Part I]
062 In the Dark [Part II]
063 Fear, Itself
064 I Fall to Pieces
065 Beer Bad
066 Rm W/A Vu
067 Wild at Heart
068 Sense & Sensitivity
069 The Initiative
070 The Bachelor Party [Part I]
071 Pangs [Part II]
072 I Will Remember You [Part III]
073 Something Blue [Part IV]
074 Hero [Part V]
075 Parting Gifts [Part VI]
076 Hush [Part I]
077 Doomed [Part II]
078 Somnambulist
079 Expecting
080 She
081 A New Man
082 I've Got You Under My Skin
083 The I in Team [Part I]
084 Goodbye Iowa [Part II]
085 This Year's Girl [Part III]
086 Who Are You? [Part IV]
087 The Prodigal
088 The Ring
089 Superstar
090 Eternity
091 Where the Wild Things Are
092 War Zone
093 New Moon Rising [Part I]
094 Five By Five [Part II]
095 Sanctuary [Part III]
096 The Yoko Factor [Part IV]
097 Primeval [Part V]
098 Blind Date [Part VI]
099 Restless [Part VII]
100 To Shanshu in L.A. [Part VIII]

Buffyverse Season 05:
101 Buffy vs. Dracula
102 Judgment
103 Real Me
104 Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been?
105 The Replacement
106 First Impressions
107 Out of My Mind
108 Untouched
109 No Place Like Home
110 Dear Boy
111 Family
112 Guise Will Be Guise
113 Fool For Love [Part I]
114 Darla [Part II]
115 Shadow
116 Shroud of Rahmon
117 Listening to Fear
118 Into the Woods
119 The Trial [Part I]
120 Reunion [Part II]
121 Redefinition [Part III]
122 Triangle
123 Checkpoint
124 Blood Money
125 Blood Ties
126 Happy Anniversary
127 Crush
128 The Thin Dead Line [Part I]
129 Reprise [Part II]
130 Epiphany [Part III]
131 I Was Made To Love You [Part I]
132 The Body [Part II]
133 Forever [Part III]
134 Disharmony
135 Intervention
136 Dead End
137 Tough Love [Part I]
138 Spiral [Part II]
139 The Weight of the World [Part III]
140 The Gift [Part IV]
141 Belonging [Part 1]
142 Over the Rainbow [Part 2]
143 Through the Looking Glass [Part 3]
144 There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb [Part 4]

Buffyverse Season 06:
145 Heartthrob
146 That Vision Thing
147 That Old Gang of Mine
148-149 Bargaining, Parts I & II
150 Afterlife [Part III]
151 Carpe Noctem
152 Flooded
153 Fredless
154 Life Serial
155 Billy
156 All the Way [Part I]
157 Once More, With Feeling [Part II]
158 Tabula Rasa [Part III]
159 Smashed [Part IV]
160 Wrecked [Part V]
161 Offspring [Part I]
162 Quickening [Part II]
163 Lullaby [Part III]
164 Dad [Part IV]
165 Gone
166 Birthday
167 Doublemeat Palace
168 Provider
169 Dead Things
170 Older and Far Away
171 Waiting in the Wings [Part I]
172 Couplet [Part II]
173 Loyalty [Part III]
174 Sleep Tight [Part IV]
175 Forgiving [Part V]
176 As You Were
177 Hell's Bells
178 Double or Nothing
179 Normal Again
180 The Price [Part I]
181 A New World [Part II]
182 Benediction [Part III]
183 Tomorrow [Part IV]
184 Entropy [Part I]
185 Seeing Red [Part II]
186 Villains [Part III]
187 Two To Go [Part IV]
188 Grave [Part V]

Buffyverse Season 07:
*I think I need to rework this season*
189 Lessons
190 Beneath You
191 Same Time, Same Place
192 Deep Down
193 Help
194 Ground State
195 Selfless
196 The House Always Wins
197 Him
198 Slouching Towards Bethlehem
199 Conversations with Dead People
200 Supersymmetry
201 Sleeper
202 Spin the Bottle
203 Never Leave Me
204 Apocalypse, Nowish
205 Bring on the Night
206 Habeas Corpses
207 Showtime
208 Long Day's Journey
209 Potential
210 Awakening
211 The Killer in Me
212 Soulless
213 First Date
214 Calvary
215 Get It Done
216 Salvage
217 Storyteller
218 Release
219 Lies My Parents Told Me
220 Orpheus
221 Players
222 Inside Out
223 Shiny Happy People
224 Dirty Girls
225 Magic Bullet
226 Sacrifice
227 Empty Places
228 Peace Out
229 Touched
230 Home
231 End of Days [Part I]
232 Chosen [Part II]

Angel Season 5:
233 Conviction
234 Just Rewards
235 Unleashed
236 Hell Bound
237 Life of the Party
238 The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
239 Lineage
240 Destiny
241 Harm's Way
242 Soul Purpose
243 Damage
244 You're Welcome
245 Why We Fight
246 Smile Time [Part I]
247 A Hole in the World [Part II]
248 Shells [Part III]
249 Underneath
250 Origin
251 Time Bomb
252 The Girl in Question
253 Power Play [Part I]
254 Not Fade Away [Part II]

Before Buffy Season 8:

Tales of the Vampires:

Fray:

Tales of the Slayers:

Willow - Goddesses & Monsters:

Buffy Season 8:

Season 8, Volume 01: The Long Way Home

*Volume 1 collects issues 1-5:

Season 8, Volume 02: No Future For You

*Volume 2 collects issues 6-10:

Season 8, Volume 03: Wolves at the Gate

*Volume 3 collects issues 11-15:

Season 8, Volume 04: Time of Your Life

*Volume 4 collects issues 16-20:

Season 8, Volume 05: Predators & Prey

*Volume 5 collects issues 21-25:

Tales of the Vampires (1 Shot)

Season 8, Volume 06: Retreat (March 2010)

*Volume 6 collects issues 25-30:

Forthcoming Issues (Sneak Peeks):

Issue #31: Turbulence [January 6, 2010]

Issue #32: Twilight, Part I [Feb 3]

#33: Twilight, Part II [March 3]

#34: Twilight, Part III [April 7]

(Twilight will be unmasked in this issue)

#35: Twilight, part IV

There will be 5 more issues in Season 8, all written by Joss Whedon himself. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:19 PM
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Must remember that Being Human series 2 begins tomorrow night. I've never finished series 1. Maybe now is a good time?

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:17 PM
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   Sunday, January 10, 2010

After the last entry I read a bit. I took a muscle relaxant to help with my jaw, which knocked me out for hours. They never seem that potent; like they don't make me FEEL tired, but when I do sleep I'm out for a long time and have a hard time waking up.

Michael was bleeding out his ass before and during work. He didn't want to go to the hospital because there's nobody that can cover his shift today, but I talked him into going when it didn't get better after he got home. He's there now. I'm going to join him soon, but I needed to shower and eat first as I'd not eaten in over 12 hours.

Michael just texted me that they've taken him back to a room. They're aware that I'm coming up and that I'm his emergency contact. Michael says I don't have to come up there to see him and that he's fine, but I don't like the thought of him in the hospital all by himself. :-0(

My breakfast is coming back up. Trying to be relaxed. Trying to be ok.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:00 AM
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I was just walking out the door when Michael called me to let me know that he was ok and on his way home; internal hemmoroids. Ouch. He might have today off as a result and if so, plans to come cuddle with me. Already bundled up I went out and got the mail and the paper bags we use to collect recyle ready plastic bottles. I talked to Michael for awhile and then planted stuff on my first farm; waiting a few mins for my 2nd farm to be ready then I'll harvest and plant that one. I've got "Battlefield" by Jordin Sparks stuck in my head.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:27 AM
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I watched Dollhouse 2x03 "Belle Chose"; it was ok. There are now only 10 episodes left. 2 of those final 10 are unaired. I can't say I'm sorry that the series is ending. It has moments where it's worthwhile or cool or whatever, but so much of it seems....off. I thought Season 1 ended extremely well. I hope I'll be able to say the same about Season 2. A 26 episode series.

My jaw is still bothering me...but truth be told, it's been bothering me for about 3 months. :-0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:02 AM
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I played Trivial Pursuit online. Feel like I'm gonna pass out. Sleepy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:22 PM
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   Monday, January 11, 2010

Slept from around 12:30pm (Sunday) - 6pm. Woke up to texts from Michael. He was ill and wanting my help so I got some supplies together (with the help of Mark) and headed over there (stopping for crazy bread on the way as I'd not eaten yet). He was crashing in between the bathroom and bedroom. I got him blankets, fed him sips of water and massaged his head. I gave him the other supplies and made sure he knew where everything was while he drifted to sleep. I crawled in his bed, telling him to call me, if he needed me. We slept for about 6 hours. He woke up feeling slightly better; I woke up hungry. I headed home, stopping at Meijer for some groceries - ate. He did laundry, then joined me here. He just did some online stuff, and now where going to watch The Lucy Show. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:23 AM
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We watched 2 episodes of the Lucy Show (I didn't find it funny, and it's outdated roles for women irked me) - and then slept for a few hours. I woke up hungry (again), but refreshed. I ate. I read the news. I wrote this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:59 AM
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   Tuesday, January 12, 2010

After the last entry, I filed away some Doctor Who soundtrack stuff, and finally got the soundtrack to Children of Earth and filed that away too. I cuddled with Michael. We later had some FANTASTIC SEX.

8==========>

Around this time, Michael got a text from a boy he gave his number to last week, asking if he still wanted a blowjob. Michael showed me the text and deleted it. I thought this was a good sign.

We watched 3 episodes of Lost. Actually, we watched 2 episodes of Lost, and then the food Mark brought me (with my pill) made me super sleepy and I went to bed during the 3rd episode, then Michael headed home. I slept for about 6 hours, which wasn't expected. When I woke, Michael was going to bed. He texted me to let me know he would really like a blowjob if I ever say it's ok.

That last bit troubled me. What if I was never ok with him getting blown by other guys? What if my jaw is never fixed? Would I lose Michael because of this? I didn't respond to the text as I was thinking about all this, and then I didn't call him because he said he was going to bed. He later called me, having trouble sleeping and we talked about it and he assured me that if I was never ok with it we just wouldn't do it. I think I should talk to him about it again though, because I don't want him to be hanging on the chance that I might say yes; I wouldn't want to disappoint him...and if that's something he needs, we should end this now before we're both hurt more than we need to be. Erg.

I hate that my jaw doesn't work anymore. It's not just the almost constant pain - it's this aspect of my sex life is gone; vanished without warning. One thing that's helped slightly is that in the last week or so we've been fucking on a level we'd not had before, with some new moves and some new outcomes. It's refreshing...fun, and a complete departure from my past, which is something the last year was filled with until my jaw put a stop to my eating and stuff. I want my jaw to be fixed for sex and this horrible constant pain - but also so I can go back to eating all manner of new things again...it seems so unfair that I lost the ability to eat new things only months after starting to do so. When I think about it I find it terrible distressing and depressing, so I try to not think about it. :-0(

I have a doctor's appointment in early March with an expert to try to find out what's going on with my jaw, but even that is stressful as it's bound to get very expensive very fast and I can't pay... And I'm extremely worried that they're just going to tell me that it's all for nothing and that it can't be fixed... I don't know if I can deal with that.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:36 AM
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Did some checking on how Caprica is fairing. It looks like Caprica is likely to have a split season the way BSG Seasons 2 & 4 did...which I think sucks, but I'm hooked at this point so it's too late to write it off. The series will have a 17 episode first season including the pilot. Upcoming installments of 1.0 include:

01 Pilot [01/22/10 - both missing scenes from the DVD release, and including scenes not seen on the DVD]
02 Rebirth [01/29/10]
03 The Reins of a Waterfall [02/05/10]
04 Know Thy Enemy [02/12/10]
05 [02/19/10]
06 [02/26/10]
07 [03/05/10]
08 [03/10]
09 [03/10 - Midseason Finale]

Season 1.5 would most likely return in October.

If the season is split I wish it would run slightly later in the year; at least until Doctor Who starts. lol.

In a recent twitter Jane Esponson mentioned that she just got studio notes on the finale (to 1.5) and that the studio made reference to Season 2, so hopefully, we'll be getting at least 1 more season of Caprica.

I feel sleepy again. Gonna lay down for a bit.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:22 AM
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Couldn't sleep.

The full list of K9 episode titles (for Season 1 at least) has been released. I went back and posted them in my recent Who rant, but here they are as well:

1x01 Regeneration [Part I]
1x02 Liberation [Part II]
1x03 The Korven
1x04 The Bounty Hunter
1x05 Sirens of Ceres
1x06 Fear Itself
1x07 Fall of the House of Gryffen
1x08 Jaws of Orthrus
1x09 Dreameaters
1x10 The Curse of Anubis
1x11 Oroborus
1x12 Alien Avatar
1x13 Aeolian
1x14 The Last Oak Tree
1x15 Black Hunger
1x16 The Cambridge Spy
1x17 Lost Library of Ukko
1x18 Mutant Copper [Part I]
1x19 The Custodians [Part II]
1x20 Taphony and the Time Loop
1x21 Robot Gladiators
1x22 Mind Snap
1x23 Angel of the North
1x24 The Last Precinct
1x25 Hound of the Korven [Part I]
1x26 Eclipse of the Korven [Part II]

Looking at that list, and thinking on how most of fandom views the Who Specials as part of Season 30 and the 11th Doctor's adventures as Season 31, I started to think I might combine both into my Season 31 of the Whoniverse list to avoid confusion - and list 1 massive season which would include the Doctor Who Specials from 2008-2010, plus Season 31, Seasons 2-4 of Sarah Jane, Seasons 3-4 of Torchwood, and Season 1 of K9! This means what I thought was Season 31 is just a first step and I won't know how the season really works until Autumn 2010 at the earliest (depending on when Torchwood Season 4 airs - though it's possible if it doesn't air in 2010 it might be dropped from the season). My mind is racing with the possible crossover potentials. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:44 AM
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Listening to 'Bladerunner Blues' while the glow from the snow drifts into my room... Lovely.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:14 AM
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   Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I did mostly random stuff yesterday until around 4pm when I finally went to bed. I slept until 9:30pm. I had spoken to Michael on the phone earlier, who'd told me one of his Arby's people had a blood clot in her lung and almost died and was now in UofM Hospital; he was planning on bringing her flowers and then stopping by my place, only he wasn't there so I was very worried. Only she didn't want visitors so Michael went home, not texting me cause he knew I was asleep. He went to bed. I harvested my farm and posted a new old pic of me as a kid (the latest thing on Facebook) when Travis called me. I was planning on going right back to bed, and Travis would have let me go, but I figured it would be fine...but the conversation extended over an hour or so and by the time we finished I was making one of my shakes (Boost, Soy / Coconut creames, Tofu, Silk) to sooth my throat, as I'd started coughing. I drank that and posted some other pix on Facebook, then went back to sleep. I woke up about 10 minutes ago. A train went by just after I woke. I checked my mail and then wrote this.

Michael is planning on coming over after work tonight, which should be around 5 or 6 I think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:50 AM
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   Thursday, January 14, 2010

Michael did come over in the evening, picking up Little Caesars for himself, Mark & I. I went to bed soon after, while Michael watched Buffy downstairs and did work related stuff. He later joined me in bed and we slept for several hours. I got up later; we had sex, twice. We talked. We cuddled. Some of it was intensely erotic.

Earlier in the day (Wednesday), Michael got another text from this guy who wants Michael to fuck him. It kind of turns me on, but I've made it clear that this fantasy of Michael being with another man might never come to be, and that despite us toying with the idea, his going behind my back or lying to me is out of the question, and not something that I would tolerate. Some of the things we discussed involved this guy. It will be interesting to see how this plays out despite it making me slightly nervous.

Now Michael is sleeping. Mark is too, though he's getting up soon for a doctor's appointment. Michael needs to get up around noon to go to Staples for printer ink, and then his grandmother's to drop of some money he owes her. He also needs to stop at a bank to get Mark the money he owes him for the phone. I'll probably be going with Michael on thes errands, though Michael has said that he most likely won't be staying here tonight. Perhaps I'll stay with him?

I was rewatching LOST with Michael, but I've decided it's too soon for me to do the rewatch thing, and I'm just going to see if my discs work in his player so he can watch and catch up to where I am and then we can go from there together. He still has just over 1 season of Buffy to rewatch first though. We've not started Robotech, and I've not touched my book in a few days.

I'm going to have a snack, and then see if I can't get a bit more sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:04 AM
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I just read that "Spartacus: Blood and Sand", which is a new series that I'd like to see, begins airing the same night as Caprica beings and Dollhouse ends; 1 week from tomorrow. Smallville also returns that night; January 22. Looks like I'll have some stuff to watch soon. ;-0)

Caprica is rumored to have a split season, with the first 9 episodes airing between January 22 & March 19. Spartacus is likely to air it's complete 13 episode season consecutively, so ending on April 16; it's already been renewed for a 2nd season. The new Doctor Who has consistantly begun it's seasons between late March & early April; often airing around Easter:

2005: March 26 / Easter: March 27
2006: April 15 / Easter: April 16
2007: March 31 / Easter: April 8
2008: April 05 / Easter: March 23
2009: April 11 / Easter: April 12

Easter falls on April 4 this year. Here's hoping Who begins sometime between March 27 (it airs on Saturdays) & April 17. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:37 AM
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My belly has been upset all morning so I've not been able to get any more sleep. I feel tired and cranky. Trying not to let it get to me. Perhaps food would help? I never did have that snack.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:40 AM
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Had a snack. Didn't help with the cranky part. And despite my taking a pill it's fighting to come back up. Blah. This morning sucks so far.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:33 PM
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This link seems to confirm that 2 upcoming titles for Doctor Who are "Vampires in Venice" & "Vincent & the Doctor". Titles that have been rumored for some time now. If the other info surrounding these episodes is correct these would be episodes 6 & 10. See my previous Who Rant for more info.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:40 PM
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   posted by Bald Jason at 02:01 PM
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   Friday, January 15, 2010

I had a HORRIBLE migrain yesterday. It killed my plans with Michael, who I didn't end up seeing much of, which has me feeling kind of lost and depressed actually. Not just that I didn't see him, but other feelings and sensations I've gone through in the last 48 hours: dark edged pleasures that may leave me bleeding far after the pleasure has faded. Hopefully I'm just being dramatic and the pleasure was simply pleasure...and a stepping stone to trust. Otherwise I fear the end of things dear to me.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:24 AM
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I slept a little after the last entry. I woke up feeling calm, yet shut-in. I sometimes feel like I can't surrender and enjoy certain things...even television on occasion. Like I'm wasting my time. Today I feel like organizing things. Like trying to put things in perspective. Wish me luck.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:18 PM
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I cleaned my room a bit. I spoke to Mark about other projects I'd like to do. I ate. The drugs to let me eat make me sleepy. Almost all my drugs now make me sleepy; hard to fight it. I spoke to Michael on the phone on his way to work. I miss him. I watched the first really awesome episode of Dollhouse's 2nd Season (2x04 Belonging); it gives me hope that the glimmers of brilliance at the end of Season 1 weren't flukes, and perhaps the series could end well. It's an extremely flawed series that I feel could have been better with more prep time, but as long as it ends well I'll be happy.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:12 PM
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   Saturday, January 16, 2010

I started working on reorganizing my closet, but to get most of the stuff in there moved around I'm gonna need boxes. We have boxes but lack the packing tape to seal the boxes so I can put stuff in the boxes. Haven taken a muscle relaxant for my jaw, and with Mark having isssues of his own I couldn't get the tape I needed, so the closet thing was a bust. I sorted a few random things, but the majority remains where it was.

I tried calling Michael later & I was so tired from lack of sleep and the drugs that I don't think I was making any sense in the voicemail; I caught myself repeating things 3 times, then decided to take a nap from 6:40pm - 10pm, then extended that by an hour. I then harvested and planted my farm, and harvested Michael's. I'll plant something on his around 1am so he'll be home to harvest it.

Hm. I'm trying to stay awake until around 4am. That's when Michael goes to bed usually, and I'm trying to get our sleep scheduals in sync but I have a really hard time controlling mine; always have.

I'm thinking of setting aside my Robotech book for awhile and starting something else, but I'm not sure what. Possibly the 2nd Abarat book.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:13 AM
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Did the farm thing with Michael. Not that farm thing. Get your mind out of my sex life.

We had some conversations that covered old ground, but uncovered some new facets. I'm still not sure of what we may yet unearth, but I hope it's beatiful rather than deadly. Perhaps it will be both, but that's something I'd like to avoid.

I just watched the next episode of Dollhouse (2x05 The Public Eye). It continued the awesomeness that was "Belonging". It wasn't quite as good, I don't think, but it was in the league of episodes that I consider worthwhile; a huge improvement over early Season 1 episodes, though I have to give them credit for referencing those early episodes so often (sometimes in quite subtle ways) so that they seem more important than they were. I mean...they are important, but I think they're still crap that could have been handled a lot better. The finale to the series is on next week; I have 7 episodes to watch before then, and I suspect (though I don't know for sure) that the 7th of those episodes will have a kind of ending for the present storyline of the series, while the finale will hopefully answer some of the grander questions of the show, especially relating to last season's DVD only epilogue episode "Epitaph One".

Actually, I've just read that the finale has been delayed a week and will not air until January 29, 2010. Not what I was hoping for, but I think I'll still continue watching the episodes and merely wait for the finale; perhaps watch "Epitaph One" again just before. I suspect "Epitaph Two: Return" as the finale is called, will be more of an epilogue to the series than a classic finale.

I might have to rewatch Dollhouse to get a better feel for how I'd rate the episodes now, but here's how I'd rate them based on my memory of them on a scale from 1 to 5 stars - 1 or 2 stars are what I consider crappy episodes - 3 stars are what feel like average but not terrible tv - 4 stars are better than average - and 5 stars are true gems:

1x01 Ghost *
1x02 The Target *
1x03 Stage Fright **
1x04 Gray Hour **
1x05 True Believer **
1x06 Man on the Street ****
1x07 Echoes **
1x08 Needs ****
1x09 Spy in the House of Love *****
1x10 Haunted ***
1x11 Briar Rose *****
1x12 Omega ****
1x13 Eptaph One *****
2x01 Vows ***
2x02 Instinct **
2x03 Belle Chose ***
2x04 Belonging *****
2x05 The Public Eye ****

Still to come...

2x06 The Left Hand
2x07 Meet Jane Doe
2x08 A Love Supreme
2x09 Stop-Loss
2x10 The Attic
2x11 Getting Closer
2x12 The Hollow Men
2x13 Epitaph Two: Return

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:37 AM
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I can't sleep. Funny. I was so tired. I just have this horrible feeling in my head. I watched another Dollhouse (2x06 The Left Hand) and started the next one (2x07 Meet Jane Doe), which is apparently the final 3rd of a 3-part story arc; I was really enjoying it too...and then suddenly I felt all overwhelmed with emotion. Not sure what's going on. Perhaps I'm crazy after all. I'd call Michael but he went to bed like an hour ago.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:20 AM
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   Sunday, January 17, 2010

So Saturday I accomplished much. I got groceries and went to LC with Mark. We later went to an Arby's in Ann Arbor to pick something up for Michael that we dropped at his place. Things with Michael are good; at least they seem good, and I'm trying to take it one day at a time. I have trust issues; surely. But I think this all has a point.

Today has been mostly about Dollhouse.

OMG. The last episode I watched was so good. In the last 72 hours or so I've randomly watched episodes. I spoke about some in a recent entry. I've watched 6 more since then:

2x06 The Left Hand *****
2x07 Meet Jane Doe ****
2x08 A Love Supreme ****
2x09 Stop-Loss ****
2x10 The Attic ****
2x11 Getting Closer *****

That last one was AMAZING. Just 2 more to go. 1 I'll be watching today, and then the finale is on a week from Friday, but I've heard that one mostly takes place in 2020; last season's finale took place in 2019. If these last 2 installments continue to kick ass I'll gladly recommend this series to people as a flawed but interesting series, with a much more satisfying endgame than the first 8 or so episodes would suggest. And they've really done a good job of bringing back old storylines and making them more intricate. Nice. I mean...the series seems seedy and sort of pointless at first and then becomes this apocalyptic vision! It's just awesome!

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:00 PM
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The penultimate episode of the increasingly serialized Dollhouse was 4.5 stars I think. Not quite 5, but better than 4. I don't usually rate half stars though. Seriously interested in how the future came to be, and what happened to Amy Acker's charcter between "The Hollow Men" & "Epitaph One".

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:12 PM
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   Monday, January 18, 2010

I spoke to Michael on the phone a few times and then took a nap. I woke just before he called me on his way home from work and I talked to him until he got home. I informed him his farm was ready to harvest; he said he'd harvest the farm and then watch an episode of LOST (he bought the first 2 seasons & he's on disc 2 of Season 1) - finishing the 2nd disc before heading to bed. He works noon - 7pm later today, and then is going home to do laundry. He's thinking of us maybe going to Necto tomorrow night as we've not gone out in a long time, but he wants to watch his cash right now.

I'm gonna try to go back to sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:46 AM
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Slept with my bite guard in. Got a lot of cleaning done today. Took out 3 loads of trash, and recycles. Mark & I did this together. The downstairs closet is looking way better. Getting rid of my Star Wars Book Collection. Getting rid of crap I don't need. I have too much shit. I don't know why, but all this clutter, which is usually so comforting is just...clutter lately.

Michael should be here around 11pm. I'll try to be shaved, trimmed, showered and happy when he gets here.

The condo looks a wreck. I think I'll try to get some more done. I'm doing more laundry at the least and cleaning up in my room for the night.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:27 PM
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   Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Got lots done on Monday. Michael stayed Monday night, which didn't go as well as we'd hoped it would, but it got better as it went. Just as he was getting ready to leave my dad showed up at the front door. Michael left shortly afterward.

Seeing my dad was nice, but filled with all kinds of emotion. I've always thought that my father was just crazy and you just accepted that and went on with your day...but I'm starting to suspect that he has moments where he understands that he's crazy most of the other time and feels bad about it. I saw several moments of clarity yesterday and spoke to him during one, and he told me that he's proud of me...that he can see that I'm like him, that I get lost but that I always find my way out and that's something he could never do. This made me cry a lot, because he's right. I often feel like I'm losing my mind, like I'm getting lost in my own head but I've always managed to find my way back to the world. My father never did. And this terrifies me. And here was my father saying he was proud that I have. It was very emotional for me. And after I dropped him off I went to Michael's so he could hold me while I cried. He made me feel better. I came home, and went to bed soon after, sleeping for nearly 12 hours.

I need to eat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:08 AM
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Ate after last entry. Pill knocked me out for a couple more hours. Mark tried to wake me at one point. Got up later and he was sleeping. Cleaning out drawers and stuff. Throwing away lots of stuff, but it feels good. It's weird though because it doesn't look like I've cleaned much cause it's usually hidden. Michael called on his way to work this morning, and again a few minutes ago. He couldn't sleep last night and watched a bunch of LOST; he's almost caught up with me now...He's exhausted though and is getting off of work and going right to bed when he gets home (around 7:30pm I think).

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:00 PM
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The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that RTD is making an American remake of Torchwood. Other sites like Dark Horizons & Scfi Wire are picking up the story. If this series is a spin-off about an American branch of Torchwood than I might enjoy it. If it's a remake unconnected to the other Whoniverse shows I'm not pleased at all.

There's also a report on DH that Tim Burton is interested in making a movie about Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty (my favorite Disny movie), giving the character the same treatment Elphaba (the Wicked Witch of the West) got in Wicked. Awesome.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:52 PM
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Got that pesky drawer sorted. Had a snack (without my pills so as to not knock myself out). I'm washing my comforter. My room still looks a wreck, but I know it's getting better.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:50 PM
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Washing my sheets and pilow cases; comforter is in the dryer. Got Mark helping me with kitchen stuff. Oranized a shelf in my room. Have some ideas, but I feel exhausted. So much to do!

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:52 PM
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Had some toast with Green Goodness, and some rosemary crackers.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:22 PM
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   Thursday, January 21, 2010

Got a lot done yesterday before the shit hit the fan and I broke up with Michael. He's addicted to sex. I have no doubt. I set up a 3some for tonight (something I've never done with or for any other boyfriend), and he then went behind my back, and lied, and set up more sex for himself on Friday - which he told me he needed alone time for himself on that day. And before I was even a few miles away after confronting him and breaking up with him he started looking for more sex. I still love him, but I can't trust him.

I slept for a little while, but I had to take Midrin before I went to bed cause of a headache, and I can never stay asleep very long when I take it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:57 AM
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Can't stop crying.

It's all hitting me. Michael. And my father. And what my father saw...and did, and what I may one day do.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:50 AM
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I think I woke Mark up with my sobbing. I had sent a note to my mother telling her what was going on, and then writing that I didn't want to be like dad I just couldn't stop crying. Mark hugged me and came in and talked to me. Part of me wants to die. Part of me hates my life right now, with my jaw troubles, and my loss of the man who told me he wanted to be my husband...and I believe he meant it. Part of me wants to harness this energy and make positive changes in my life, the way I did last summer. But part of me knows that it's going to be hard, and I just don't feel that strong right now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:46 AM
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I miss our texts. Our phone calls throughout the day. It's not been 24 hours yet, but I already know the difference. I'm alone.

DJ should be here within an hour to see if he wants any games that we're getting rid of. It will be nice to see him, but sad on a day like today.

Perhaps I'll watch Lost later. I know Michael is watching it and is just a few episodes behind me. I can watch, feeling that I'm sharing something with him. Maybe by the time the series ends, around May I'll be feeling like myself again.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:27 PM
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   Friday, January 22, 2010

The visit with DJ went well. It felt good to forget. I managed to smile. I had good conversations with Jen, Travis, and Mark. Each one helped for a little while. But only time can do the rest and it sucks.

Michael hooked up last night. I know because I still get those damned reports. I tried contacting him to see about removing the spyware, and he wants to try it on his own, but mostly he just wanted his Manhunt profiles back so he could fuck, which I gave him. I was tempted to intervene...but he's not mine anymore. So instead I layed down in my feeling-too-large bed and I managed to sleep while Michael got sucked and/or fucked some other guy(s?). I woke up at 4am. I posted on Facebook and went back to bed; waking up at 8am. Both times I woke up feeling good, but then the vastness of the changes to my life hit me and were extremely painful. I'll never cuddle or wrestle with him again; never give him a wet willy or scratch my nails down his back... I'll never make love with him again. I'll never see his cute little boy smile when he watches Christmas movies. I'm feeling so sentimental that I'm actually aching to watch Charmed and that Christmas movie he all but made me watch. I'll never sit in his car again, or see his apartment furnished, or smell the smoke, or hear him toot, or see his sleeping face, or hear him laugh, or see that look in his eyes when he talks about our married life, or hold his hand.... it goes on and on. And that's what hits me when I realize that it's over. It's true that I won't have the lies, or the cheating...but I've lost something else too, and it's killing me.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:39 AM
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I just left Michael a voicemail. I was hoping he'd answer so I could hear his voice. I know we can't be together, and I said that in the message, but I don't want to lose everything we shared.

This sucks.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:46 AM
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Michael texted me and I called him, like I always do when he's sending me texts and we talked. He hooked up with Dave last night and talked to him about his life and his work and me and stuff. I'm not jealous. I hope it helped bring things into focus somewhat, or was a first step to some kind of clarity for him. He has a great need, and if I couldn't be there to help him with that, I'm glad someone else was; I'm glad he reached out to someone instead of just losing himself in a random meaningless sexual encounter.

I talked to him about all the things I'll miss if we never see each other again. He said that he never meant to not see me again, be that as a friend or as a boyfriend. But he has a lot of stress right now, and a lot of things about himself that he's not happy about and he needs to work on getting past that. I'll do anything I can to help. At the end of the conversation he said he was going to tell me something...just once and then hang up. Then he said that he'd made many choices in his life to try to be happy; to achieve happiness but now finds himself in a hole that he's not sure he can ever get out of. Then he said that the one thing he was sure of that he got right was loving me; that he loved me, and that breaking up with me was the worst mistake he'd aver made. Then I heard the tears in his voice as he told me he'd talk to me later and then said goodbye.

I want to believe that. Hopefully it's the truth and not just something he thought I'd like to hear. I miss him. I love him. I want him to be happy. And...I want to be happy too. Maybe I'll be happy with him again someday. Maybe I'll just be happy on my own, while being happy for him. I don't know what to think or want.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:10 PM
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I ate. I watched another episode of LOST (2x18 "Dave"); this one was lame in that I guessed all the twists before they happened. However the twist ending at the end of the previous episode (2x17 "Lockdown") was awesome. I have 6 more episodes in Season 2, which I hope to have done by the end of next week.

Michael just texted. He's gonna run to Staples and was hoping we could remove the spyware while he was out...so he wouldn't have to see me I guess. :-( Says I'm not the only one hurting and that he's both depressed & confused. I get that. But I need that spyware GONE; I don't need nightly updated on who he's fucking.

This really sucks.

Doing the dishes now. Gonna shave then head out to get groceries. Maybe I could stop by the comic shop and get the latest issue of Buffy and that 1 shot? Not sure. Mark got the printer working so I might print some pictures and put them up; I've not worked on my collage in well over a year. I'd also like to update my myspace page, and maybe take some new pictures as I've not done that since November.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:35 PM
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Went to the bank (for Mark) then to Mike Anderson's to drop off Star Wars books and a Dollhouse episode he'd not seen - a nice visit was had. Then we went to Michael Slaughter's apartment to drop off some stuff and remove the spyware from his computer. He didn't want to see me (or anyone) so he left when we were arriving; this made me sad. I noticed he's on the same disc of LOST as me. Weird. Then went to Meijer and Whole Foods. Mark & I got lots of groceries, and the majority of my stuff is healthy, with some borderline items, but no candy; I didn't even buy any chips. I've got about $14 left on my bridge card which is good.

Mark hurt his back again fixing the printer so he's been in a lot of pain, which sucks. I pumped the gas for him at the gas station and carried most of the groceries and stuff. I feel kind of cranky though. Maybe because I didn't get to see Michael and I was hoping I would. :-0(

When we got home we found another box of Star Wars books so we're wondering if one of the boxes we gave Mike Anderson was not Star Wars or if we just miscounted. I left Mike a voicemail telling him to get back to me on the issue.

Ugh. I'm coughing a lot more now that I've been out in the cool air. Lately the cough I have has been really mild...wish it was gone completely.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:26 PM
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One of my friends just let me know that Michael is on Manhunt looking for a blowjob. That shouldn't hurt me, but it does. I mean...he had sex with Dave last night so it's not like I could have sex with him now anyways...not unprotected. Maybe it hurts because he told me he doesn't want to see anybody, but he's not looking to spend his time alone. David is out of town and he's taking advantage of his time in the apartment on his own.

I shouldn't be surprised. And I shouldn't let this get to me. I should just chill out. He's doing what he wants to do and that's all there is to it. Maybe I've just been keeping him in a cage this whole time and he'll be happier now that he's free.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:38 PM
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Ok. I'm chatting on Manhunt too. And I'm not on Michael's page...or anything. Just chatting with some friends. He's apparently hit on at least 3 of them. And one of them said that they had an exchange that was beyond tacky, and that Michael is a cold hearted bitch (his exact words). Um...I don't know if my friends are just trying to make me feel better, but it's not working. I should just go to bed and let Michael have the entire internet to himself.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:28 PM
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   Saturday, January 23, 2010

Kept chatting online. Michael later texted me about LOST (he's bypassed me; he's 8 episodes ahead of me now) and then called me and it was all very laid back until it got all dramatic and painful. Michael feels that he has no friends; that people just depend on him until they can screw him over. He wants his life to end but doesn't want to commit suicide. When I told him I'd never screwed him over and that I was his friend and that I'd do anything to help him, he asked if I would kill him... He's definitely depressed. He's definitely needing help, but says he doesn't need anything from anyone. I'll do anything I can to help him, but I'm worried it won't be enough.

I'd write more, but I'm completely exhausted. All I'll say is that today (Friday) was very tough, but I'm thankful for all of my friends (I got to talk to Mollie briefly on the phone), and all of the encourgment they've given me. And for all the strangers who popped up out of the woodwork to tell me it wasn't my fault, and that I'm attractive and that everything will be ok in the end. Even the guys I turned down online were gracious tonight...and I'm grateful.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:58 AM
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I slept for about 4 hours before getting a text from Michael at 6:36am:

"Morning. I am so sorry. I messed up. I do want to be yours. I miss you so much. But I know right now we can't be in a relationship because I messed up. I hope one day we will be again. I love you."

I texted him back:

"I love you too. With all my heart."

He replied:

"I know you do honey. I am sorry that I fucked up. Maybe one day we can be together again as boyfriends. Take care."

I didn't respond. I tried to go back to sleep for about 20 minutes, thinking about everything. About how much I love him, but can't trust him, but want him to find happiness and to know his own worth, and find it within himself to love his life. And then I called him. We talked. I encouraged him to get back to his art; to find a creative outlet, but he says he doesn't have time or money right now, which I'd say is an excuse, but I know it's true. He's in a horrible bind. He feels trapped and I wish there was something I could do for him, but I don't see how there is right now. Perhaps the answer will come to me in time.

When I got off the phone with him I watched the televised version of the pilot to Caprica. They, surprisingly, did not take out all the lesbianism, though they took out some of the violence, and all of the nudity. It's still a very thoughtful, almost peaceful, beautiful beginning to the Caprica / BSG saga - which ends brilliantly. I look forward to seeing 1x02 next week!

Mark got Spartacus I think. I'll have to watch that later. I should watch some LOST too so I can talk to Michael aboout it. I might eat...or shower...or work on the collage in my room. I don't know what today will bring.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:04 AM
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Showered. Thought. Get lost in my thoughts these strange days. Everything feels slightly heightened. Like I'm on some kind of drug, only today, I'm not.

His lies return to haunt me. I can't trust him. Yet I love him. It circles round and round in my head. Sometimes there's pain and other times there is a soothing calm; sometimes theres a numbness akin to nothingness. I love him. He loves me. He hurts me. The cycle of love.

The day things ended he texted a boy and told him that he was considering leaving me for him. And within the same hour confessed his love for me. Within the same hour he beckoned me to service him, and to make ready an orgy of lust for him under the guise that it would sate his craven lust. I believed him. I trusted in my own longings to see me through. But in the following instant he betrayed what was nearly ripped from me.

When I slept last night I dreamt of a man I once knew named Phillip; like the prince in Sleeping Beauty. A bearded closeted factory worker with no female beard to protect him, who dexteriously crossed a river of lies to enter the continuously burning building of my dreams. The man I loved answered the door; led the Philly to his bedroom, removed his pants, and sat on the bed where Prince Phillip kneeled before the fire god and worshiped at his feet. I woke up shaking to a text from the fallen angel. And the rest is silence.

I should sleep more.

After the cleansing, I watched the first episode of Spartacus (1x01 The Red Serpent), which was like the horrifically lame 300, only slightly more watchable. It's LGBT inclusiveness is refreshing, and it's nudity / gore a welcome balm to my weary spirit. I've heard in reviews that the series gets better as it goes, which I hope is true, because I can't watch 300 for 13 weeks. I couldn't even make it through the first 15 minutes of the movie.

I might sleep. I feel weary. Or I might eat. I have fresh food to eat. We'll see what happens next.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:08 AM
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Had some hearts of romain lettice, with raspberry vinaigrette (something new for me, which I liked). Had some water, green goodness, and some toast.

Later I watched 2 episodes of LOST (2x19 "S.O.S." & 2x20 "Two For the Road"), which were both really good. The first episode had me in tears and the twist ending to the 2nd left me gasping. Wow. I'll watch more later.

Janice asked me to call her today so I'll probably do that soon. I could sure use some more sleep though.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:30 PM
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I watched the next episode of LOST (2x21 "?") which continued the trend of good episodes, then fell asleep for a bit. Got up. Ate. Read some Star Trek Forum. Read some Doctor Who Forum. I've now seen photographic evidence that Alex Kingston is filming more episodes of Who...what appears to be the finale of next season, which means River Song is likely to appear in 3 or 4 episodes! Awesome! :-0) Hopefully they all rock and set things up so that her previous appearances (in "Silence in the Library" / "Forest of the Dead") will be even cooler when rewatched!

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:41 PM
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I was watching the Season 2 finale of lost when Michael called. We talked for awhile then he let me go. I called Janice and talked to her for awhile; talked about a lot of stuff...even 1 thing that I've not told anybody else yet. Not sure how that will play out. Then I called Michael back, and several issues were raised...such as this profile that I opened like a week ago and might keep up now...stuff about my past and possibly future sexual relationship with Michael, and my trust issues and how they've progressed since this final breakup. I think this news hurt him, but I tried to make it clear that it's is not all bad. There are things that I don't miss at all (the lies, the cheating) but a whole host of things that I miss terribly and want back. I think he might have been crying at the end, and all I wanted to do was go to his apartment and hold him, but while I think that would help him tonight, I'm not sure it would in the long term...so I'm trying to be strong and just let some time pass. It's hell being away from him though.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:47 PM
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Finished Season 2 of LOST. Good ending. Watched the Special Features disc, which was less impressive than the ones found on Season 1. May start Season 3 now, or sleep. lol. Chat. I don't know. Something though. lol.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:21 PM
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   Sunday, January 24, 2010

Watched the first 1.5 episodes of Season 3 of LOST last night. Later spoke to Michael through texts and then on phone. He invited me over for sex, but I turned him down. It's not that I don't want to; it's that I don't think it's the smart thing to do. He told me I could come over anytime I wanted if I changed my mind that night. I slept for about 6 hours.

I woke up around 8am. I eventually decided I would visit Michael, though I felt weird knowing that he'd be hooking up with Joseph tomorrow, and that he'd had Phil go down on him in his bedroom already. Weird because the whole point of that apartment was that it was just going to have a Jason / Michael sexual history. I was really getting upset about all that and then on the way there I just let it all go. The apartment doesn't matter; it's just a place. Our sexual health is important, but our sexual history and partners (at least now that we're not a couple) aren't important. What matters is that we be honest with each other and treat each other with respect.

It was great to see him again. We cuddled and laughed (there was some nakedness and sexual relaxation, but nothing that felt like I was crossing any lines that I'd set for myself) and we spoke of our feelings and we agree this is a necessary step on our path, wherever it's going. And for the first time since we broke up, though I was being held in his arms, I felt single. I felt ok about being single because I felt that I wasn't going to lose him. And that freed me from a lot of the worry and sadness of the last few days. This breakup, be it forever or not, is a GOOD THING. I just have to make sure I take advantage of this time to sort out my own shit, and pray that Michael does the same.

I came home and ate. I had some apple slices, which I thought would be ok with my jaw, but my jaw is super worn out now. :-(

I'm very tired and think I might take a nap. I have to harvest my farmtown around 4:30 I think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:50 PM
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Did some Farm Town stuff. Tried to take a nap but it didn't work. Stroked off a few times. I'm bored and I have no energy. No clue why. I ate well. I did take 1 of my pills so that could be why. And I didn't get enough sleep last night...so why can't I sleep?

Listening to all my music on random. Very interesting mix. Ugh.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:17 PM
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   Friday, January 29, 2010

Whoa. How did this week go by so fast.

I saw Michael on Monday. He came over and we talked. He had wanted a massage and I'd told him I'd give him one and I did. A really good massage. It actually felt good to be doing that. And we cuddled and talked and I felt single, but loved, which is what I am. He didn't stay the night though, because he had to work the next day, which was fine. I had a great day. The only problem I had was I picked up a headache that day, which came and went for the next several days. BLAH!

Tuesday. I watched 3 episodes of Smallville. I've not watched more episodes of LOST as I'm trying to slow myself down so I won't have to wait for the series finale. I'm still 3 episodes behind on Smallville and new episodes begin airing tonight. There's also a new episode of Caprica, Spartacus, and the finale of Dollhouse to look forward to. :-0)

Wednesday I saw Michael again; going to his place to talk some sense into him (after a bad fight on the phone). We had sex that day (with a condom), and we both admitted we were starting to feel like a couple again, even though we're not. This scares me because if he hooks up with someone now, it will hurt me. But I'm trying to prepare myself for that outcome. For his part he says he's not looking and that if he does want to hookup he'll talk to me about it first. We'll see how this plays out.

I've been chatting online this week. Been making friends. I did feel sinlge for a few days there... I want to get back to that actually. That way I won't be hurt, but I can still love Michael and care about what happens to him, and hope things work out.

I was ill on Thursday. I'd forgotten to take some of my meds the previous day and I was dealing with the outcome of that. I also tried (but failed) to get some more pictures of my collage, which I've been working on again. I've been working on my farm again this week. And late on Thursday, Mark took some photographs of me; the first new ones since November 09.

Oh. I've heard more rumblings about River Song appearing in the finale to next season's Who (and updated my older entry accordingly); I need to just set up a page for this stuff. It's so interesting how we've seen the last meeting between those characters, and we're about to get to know them better in the new season! I'm really excited to see that relationship develope!

I slept well last night.

I started reading the 2nd Abarat book today. Abarat: Days of Magic, Nights of War

I spoke to Michael yesterday on the phone and online. Probably talk to him later. He might be coming over LATE tonight to watch 1x02 of Caprica ("Rebirth"). I'm excited to see it myself, but most excited to see the finale of Dollhouse.

Oh. And Caprica is definitely gay inclusive. And not just because of those lesbian scenes in the pilot! Yay! I love my LGBT BSG Universe! :-0)

Probably going to DJ's around 6pm for a game night. I can also take a present for Bryan / Chris. Maybe I'll get crazybread on the way there.

I should eat something.

My farm should be ready to harvest in about 1.5 hours?

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:52 PM
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   Saturday, January 30, 2010

After the last entry, I harvested my farm and planted again. I ate, but Mark told me this sort of upsetting story (with a happy ending) and my stomach was upset the rest of the night. We did go to DJ's and played the expanded Outbreak with Bryan, Chris, and Chris's friends (who's names are escaping me at the moment). Bryan has seen all but the final 20 minutes or so of BSG & Chris is starting the final 11 installments or so on Sunday. Both said they didn't think much of Caprica, which is weird, because they both borrowed my copy back in like May and both enjoyed it then - and they've not seen it again since then. I think they've just forgotten what they enjoyed about it, which is understandable.

It was great to see everyone but I was way tired and so we left. We went to Meijer and then LC. Came home and ate. Downloaded new episodes, though 2 of my shows weren't availalbe yet (and still aren't!); Spartacus and Dollhouse. :-0(

I talked to Michael on his way home from work last night (after harvesting and planting again) and then went to sleep.

I slept pretty well. I watched the new Caprica today which I think is really interesting. It's very much it's own show, and yet it's very clearly tied into Battlestar Galactica, which is a difficult line to walk I'd guess, but they're pulling it off extremely well at this early stage. Also, the show is extremely gay friendly, which I'm loving... the ties to BSG are really important (and smart) IMO, because if the season proves to be the only season of the show, it's perfectly set up that people can then transition into Battlestar Galactica. It's really very classy.

Mark is getting ready to go visit his dad, so I'll be on my own today.

Michael has to work; he closes today and tomorrow, but might be up for a visit Sunday night, as he doesn't have to work on Monday. Not sure exactly what he and I are right now. It's confusing.

Really hoping I can see the finale to Dollhouse sometime today.

I need to eat and get some stuff done.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:21 PM
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I ate. Mark left. Talked to Michael on his way to work. He'll hopefully have a new roomie soon, and his furnature in February. We talked about us some more. We don't feel single. He says he doesn't feel single at all, but that this separation is more about us working on issues than us being single, which is true in a sense. He needs to reduce stress in his life. He needs to get help so that the cheating and lying stops. I have to get back to where I was last summer with the eating even if my jaw is messed up. I need to be happier, which may involve some radical choices for me. There's school. There's church. There are things that I'm considering that I've not considered in many, many years. But it has to be balanced with what's practical. Mark & I are going to start working out Monday - or that's the plan. :-0)

I need to reboot my computer and install some updates.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:08 PM
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I did the farm thing. I took some pictures, which I don't think are that impressive. I read a bunch of reviews of Caprica and apparently I'm not the only one who's enjoying it as many people seemed to like the 2nd episode better than the 1st, though I also read that some people had some minor problems with the show, which I share actually. None of these problems feel like they will drown out the awesome aspects of the series, which I'm aching to continue with. It's my current favorite series.

I'm really tired. Might take a nap.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:01 PM
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   Sunday, January 31, 2010

The nap thing didn't work, so I listened to a podcast for the latest Caprica episode ("Rebirth") and later, after Mark got home, I finally got to see the series finale to Dollhouse, which (despite having a huge twist spoiled for me) did not disappoint.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:46 AM
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