Tuesday, August 1, 2006

Grumble. I can't update my webpage, or work on my artwork, or scan any pictures, or do anything online in a timely fashion. I'm really not happy about that. It's fricking hot outside, and I don't really have anyplace to go. Most of my friends are at work, and I don't want to bother them. This sucks.

I watched the director's cut of "Donnie Darko" last night. I'd never seen that version, and while it was basically the same movie, and the little additions were kind of cool, I think I prefer the original release. That's the one I fell in love with anyways. It's weird because I really did like a lot of the stuff put back into the film, but the way they switched the music around really bothered me. I'm big on movie scores and soundtracks, and when there are alterations it bugs me. While I prefer the Extended Cuts of the Lord of the Rings films (indeed I don't intend to ever see the theatrical version again if I can help it), there's a scene in "Fellowship of the Ring", in which the score was altered that really bothers me everytime I see it, because I'd seen that film multiple times before the extended cut was even announced - and I had an emotional attachment to the scene in question. I'm wacky, and I know this.

I slept some last night, and I woke up around the same time as Mark this morning, and we had a really good morning, even though it was just us chatting and then driving him to work. I'm gonna try to get some of that back. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:09 PM
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I finished reading "Magic's Promise", which was better than I remembered it being. It was always my least favorite part of that trilogy when I was younger. I don't think I've read them since I read the other Valdemar/Velgarth books and I'm surprised to see just how well they fit in with the others in the series. I may continue rereading them after I finish the final Heral-Mage volume, "Magic's Price, if only because I want to see how they fit together now that I'm more aware of them.

I had some fennel tea, some bacon, and later some soup, while I read. I got a message that someone named Jeremy wanted to friend me on myspace, and figured that it must be my Jeremy, only it wasn't; it was this Jeremy. I also got new comments from Michelle Tower and Jason Brooks. Myspace is fun.

I slept for awhile. I've been sleeping around 3:30pm, and I think it's going to suck trying to work around that time tomorrow. I was terribly late picking up Mark from work, and we went to Best Buy to get blank DVDS and things, but I cut that short, as my stomach was getting really upset; mostly I think, do to lack of sleep, and some small amount of stress. But I'm not complaining, as my stomch has been on very good behavior the last few days; even weeks, considering how it was before then. And even the cramping I had today, passed fairly quickly.

A side not on Mark. Mark either forgets what I've just said, or doesn't listen, or something. It's continuous, and it's beyond annoying; it hurts. It's like I'm alone, even when I'm not. We have good moments, and he's very dear to me, and is in many ways, my best friend...but I'll tell him something important, and then 5 minutes later he'll either tell me I never told him that or tell me the thing I told him like it's news! It's just a little disconcerting is all. And I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does.

I'm home now, obviously. I got my quarterly kickback from Amazon ($29.00) and used it to preorder "Noah's Arc". I also ordered a used copy of "Eighteen", and preordered "Dante's Cove" & "Adam & Steve". I ended up spending about $50.00. More than I've spent on movies in months. That will bring me to 589 GLBT inclusive titles, and gives me some peace of mind.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:31 PM
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   Wednesday, August 2, 2006

I slept for a few hours, and when I woke up Mark installed adobie photo shop on my computer. It's a newer version than I'm used to, and it annoys me. I'm sure it's better in many ways, but it sucks to have to learn all this new shit, when really, I just want to get the thoughts & feelings in my head out out to my webpage where they can't hurt me, and won't be forgotten.

Mark went to bed, and I stroked off; apparently missing an IM from Bryan on myspace. But I really needed that. There are things going on with me right now, that I haven't posted here, and this was so beyond needed. lol ;-0)

Something I didn't mention in my last post was that I called Jeremy from Best Buy, only Kim answered the phone, and we had a short happy conversation. I talked to them both for a little bit; they were eating at the Aut Bar. It was nothing important, I guess, but I just noticed that I forgot to mention it before.

I had a snack, and read my e-mail and myspace stuff. I tried out some new computer stuff. The amount of data you can fit on a dvd is AMAZING!!! ;-0) Now if only I had a scanner & 800 hours of free time I might be able to fill one of these discs.

I started reading "Magic's Price", which is just as I remembered it. I was thinking that the next books would be the Tarma & Kethry series, but I had forgotten about "Brightly Burning", which I've only read once before, and didn't like very much. I think I might like it more reading it a second time, as my expectations will be very different. We'll see. I'm not sure I'll even read that right away; I might read something else before I jump into that. I'm not sure.

I should take my meds, eat, and read. And make sure stuff is ready for work. I work 1-5:30. I have to drive Mark to work around 9am, and pick him up around 6pm.

Ugh. I wish my monsters would just go away.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:20 AM
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It's been over a month since Jeremy spent the night. Why do these kinds of things get stuck in my head? Anyways, and I know this is stupid, but I just realized that I'm single. Not just a little single, but completely single, if that makes any sense. I guess I hoped that I'd still spend as much time with him as I did before. That we'd still go out, and he show me where he grew up, and I'd take him to Benny's for the best doughnuts in the world, and then walk him up the street to the old boarded up Clark Station where I met Jeff. And we'd watch all the movies he's never seen. But that's all just stupid I guess. I'm not depressed about this, is the thing; it's just a realization that anyone else probably would have understood right away...only I didn't. I was in shock, I guess. And even now I hope I'm wrong.

I don't know what I'm feeling.

Tomorrow, Jennifer, my ex-gf, and longtime friend (10 years & running), will be 32. I want to see her, and wish her a Happy Birthday, but I have no way of getting in touch with her or even knowing where to find her. That sucks. That really sucks...

I've been having interesting dreams lately. I know this when I wake up, but then I soon forget what they're about.

I keep thinking I should organize something for my birthday, but I don't know if I'm up to the task. It was easy to plan something for Mark (though the SURPRISE part was HELL), just like it was easy for me to get Jeremy his gifts...I've only thrown one part though, and it rocked. I've never planned a party for myself, and I'm running out of time. I doubt that many of my friends could make it anyways.

BLAH!

I feel like certain parts of my life, which felt wonderful, are quickly becoming nightmarish. Even when the sun shines and the people smile, and I smile back...there's something dying beneath the surface...something that may never be resurrected. And it scares me.

Yeah. I'm not depressed at all. lol.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:28 AM
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   Thursday, August 3, 2006

Happy Birthday Jennifer!!!!

Mark & I went to Meijer yesterday morning, before I took him to work. I got new batteries & film for my camera. I got a photobox to store more of my pictures in, until I can scan the damned things. I got dryer sheets. What else? I have no clue.

After dropping Mark off at work, I went home and did more laundry. It's still really hot outside, so I made sure I was extra hydrated before work. I watched an episode of Smallville (I'm slowly working through Season 5; I don't feel as rushed now that I'm not renting the dvds). And I got ready fairly quickly. I didn't shave. I haven't shaved since Sunday, I think.

Work was mostly dead, again. There wasn't a whole lot to do. There were some annoying people there, but there was also at least 2 fabulous people as well. I ate a great lunch, and watched "Metrosexuality" on my break as I didn't want to think about anything, and it always amuses me. But now I have that "In Your Eyes There Is God" song stuck in my head. Actually, I think I'll listen to that now. ;-0)

After work, I picked up Mark from work, talked to my sister Janice on the phone, and then got us home so I could go to bed. I woke up around 1:20am. I started working on my DCAU Chronology Project again, (so that I can one day burn them in the proper order) then took another nap. I answered some e-mail, and myspace messages.

Mark had our friend Chris order a copy of Microsoft Frontpage, which is what I edit my webpage with. That's nice, but I have no clue how long that takes and I need it now. I would describe my inability to work on my webpage as painful. And more good news: we won't have DSL for 6 to 11 days!?! What the fuck!?! I just want to scream. I'm spoiled. I know this. But these are things that I rely on for my peace of mind.

I have to get Mark to work in about an hour. Then I have no plans. There's this shirt I saw at Meijer yesterday morning that I want. It's green, or many shades of green. I told Mark that I wanted it, and he asked if I wanted it so I could look like Jeremy, which seemed odd. I just...I want some more color in my wardrobe. It's not like I want to throw out all my old clothes, but it's so rare for me to see a piece of clothing that I want that isn't black, or shiny vinyl! And I want blue jeans. I've wanted blue jeans for years, and I never buy them. And I need new tennis shoes; I haven't gotten a new pair in 8 years, and it shows. So, I think I'm going to use my next few infusions of cash on clothing, if I can.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:48 AM
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I got Mark up earlier than he's been getting up, and we showered together. As we got dressed, I realized that I didn't have my wallet, and that I probably left it at his office yesterday, so Mark drove us to his work. He said it was uncomfortable, but there was no sharp pain to distract him from driving. So this is great, as I don't have to drive Mark around anymore ;-0) I got my wallet, and left him at work.

I went to Meijer to see about that shirt. It was $36.00. I don't have cash to spend right now; not really. I'm afraid I'll have to do without it... :-0(

When I got home, I ate, and watched an episode of Batman. Then I read my mail; updated some yahoo group settings and wrote this. I should clean my room a bit.

I was thinking earlier, that even though I love my new computer; maybe Mark could hook up my old one until I have th webpage stuff I need (assuming he hasn't dumped everything from that one) - that way I could get some work done on my webpage. I'll run that by him later.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:32 AM
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   Friday, August 4, 2006

I cleaned my room yesterday. I'm not sure what else I did? lol I'm a bit spacey right now. I saw that my sister Janice, had called me Wednesday night, and not left a message so I tried calling her in the morning, but her phone was busy. I tried calling her around 6pm, but her phone was busy. I called more than twice; probably around 6 times, but it was always busy.

I started getting another migrain. Migrains are often caused by changes in the weather, so from really hot, to cool, like yesterday. I took 3 midrin over the course of 2 hours, and I was thinking that Mark worked until 5:30, so I tried to get there at that time, but got stuck in some horrible traffic and didn't get there until 5:45. Then Mark didn't get off at 5:30, but at 6pm, which is when he gets off every work day, but I was thrown. lol

We went to CompUSA, and Best Buy. We bought some CDs (with a gift certificate) at Best Buy, plus I got "Clue" & "Wet Hot American Summer" for super cheap. We went to the Saline/Ann Arbor Meijer to get buns, soup, & Mark got some chips and stuff. I had someone call Karen on her work phone but she was on her break, and she didn't respond when paged. I was also hoping that Yvette Tower would be there as it was after 7pm when we were leaving, but she didn't appear to be.

When we got home, I finally got through to Janice and she told me that Grandma Wright had called her and she now had Dad's address. I wrote that down, got driving directions and went to find him, with 3 bags of clothes that he left in my care, while he was in the hospital. He apparently got out of the hospital in April or May. I found his place without any trouble, but never got into his apartment as dad wandted to go to Abe's for some coffee (my treat). He was happy to see me, but he was so thin that his clothes were just hanging from him, and he looked really bad. It kind of freaked me out. I was really tired, as I've been going to bed around 7pm, and it was already around 9pm. I told him I needed to go as I had to go to sleep, and he walked me to my car, as he told me that he wanted to stay at Abe's for awhile (he's famous there; he's been hanging there for years, and everybody who works there or is there on a regular basis knows him by name!).

After he left, I called Janice and told her about the visit and that I'd set up a meeting for us all on August 18. We usually get together sometime around that time, as my birthday is August 12, and Janice & our father's birthday is August 23.

I was shaking after the phonecall with Janice, and crying a little bit, when the phone rang again. It was Jeremy. I had called him earlier to let him know I'd be in Ypsi, meeting my dad, and I had asked him to call. I called him later from Abe's, when I couldn't think of anything to say to my dad. After the call with Janice, I had called Mollie, because I was going to go right passed her apartment, and I thought I might be able to get "Breakfast on Pluto" back from her, and get a hug, as I really needed one, but she didn't answer, and was most likely at work, or asleep.

So when Jeremy called, he asked me if I had gone to see my dad, and my voice was kind of shakey. I told him I wasn't ok, and how my father looked, and I asked him where he was, as I was going to see if he could give me a hug, but he was on his way to Brighton to meet some friends from cosmetology school. He asked me where I was though, and asked if I could maybe meet him at Geddes and 23, and I said sure. We agreed to meet at Concordia University, right off of the express way. I got there about 10 minutes before him.

When he arrived, he parked a space away from me and gave me a big hug. I wasn't crying anymore but I was shaking. He smelled really good, and I told him so. He looked really good too. We talked about my dad, and he told me that when he heard my message on his voicemail that I sounded so sad that he said he had to call me back right away. That's what friends are for. I told him that I missed him, and that I was really very selfish because I want to see him all the time, and he said he's the same way. But he's really busy with WRAP; lots of political bullshit going on there. Plus he's really broke, so he's been working at the salon a lot! I told him that I miss him, and that the other day I really felt single for the first time, and that I also realized it had been over a month since he'd spent the night. He told me we'd have to correct that. We kissed. And then the cops showed up. For those who don't know, Concordia is a Christian campus.

We got in our cars, and went our separate ways, while we talked on the phone. I asked him about something he said while we were dating - that we didn't have to rush getting to know each other and sharing things because we'd have many, many days like that to come, and I asked hims if he still meant that, even now, and he said that he did. He asked me what my schedule was like next week, and I headed to work to see what it was like, as it wasn't posted when I was there last. He said that he felt like we were still going through the process of figuring out our relationship; and I said that's how I felt too, but that not talking to each other wouldn't help that process. Communication is key. I asked him where he thought we stood, and he said that we were both trying to be very respectful of each others feelings, and going trying to be friends directly after dating, and we were mostly getting that right, except that we both still really cared about each other, the way we did when we were together. I told him, I agreed with all of that, and we started talking about our friendship/relationship, and I meant what I was saying, but I was still spacey from lack of sleep, the midrin, and the surreal experience with my father. I had made it to Hollywood, but the schedule still wasn't posted, which isn't unusual. About that time, Jeremy missed his exit, and told me that he needed to go get directions before he got even more lost, but that he'd call me right back.

Nate & Kyle were working, and it was nearly 11pm. Pat was working earlier but had to leave. He's very, very sick, and he understandably, usually can't finish his shifts. There were like a million returns on the counter, so I started putting them in order, and then started putting them away. On my 5th stack, Nate had me punch in. Mark called me, when I was nearly finished with the returns, and I told him what had gone on. When I finished the returns (which Kyle & Nate had a chance to help me with every once in a while), I headed out, with much gratitude from Nate & Kyle; the latter thanking me like a dozen times.

When I got home and still hadn't heard back from Jeremy, I got ready for bed, and called him to make sure he was ok. He had apparently found the bar he was meeting his friends at just after he'd hung up on me, and with that shock, followed by the joyous reunion with his friends, he had forgotten to call me back. I told him that was fine, but he insisted that I was "unforgettable" and that he wanted to do something with me next week. And when I told him I was just calling to make sure he was ok, and I wasn't mad that he hadn't called me back - just worried about him, he said that I was the sweetest thing ever. He sounded like he'd already had a couple of drinks, and I told him goodbye.

It felt really warm in my room. I know I slept some, but I tossed and turned. I got up around 1:30am, and checked my e-mail, and wrote this. I'll probably take a shower, to helpe me cool down, and hopefully get back to sleep soon after. I work today, 1-5:30pm. I have Saturday off and I close the store on Sunday. That's all I know for now. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:22 AM
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I couldn't get back to sleep; I had restless legs. Apparently, many people in my family have them as well. I did get to sleep around 7:30am, but was woken by the phone (I forgot to shut the ringer off); it was Mollie calling me back, and I didn't mind waking up at all, as the very brief nap made me feel a lot better, and I knew that Mark would be driving himself to work today, so I could get back to sleep soon. Only Mark is running horribly late now, and I have to drive him - meaning I won't be getting any sleep. This sucks. I hate that my days are so easily ruined. I'm gonna rebel. That is, I'm going to try to not let it ruin my day. Perhaps it won't make my acid reflux keep me from enjoying food, or any other activity. Erg.

Who am I kidding?

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:13 AM
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   Saturday, August 5, 2006

A few revelations:

Pet Shop Boys released a new studio cd this year, and another cd of remixes; fabulous. Now I've got their new song "The Sodom & Gomorrah Show" stuck in my head, which is actually fun.

School. I'm not going to school this Summer/Fall. It just seems like every other week there's some new physical problem going on with me. My acid reflux has been pretty calm lately, but even calm it's still disruptive. My migrains, which had setteled down to 1 or 2 a year for about a decade or so, have been getting much worse over the last 2 years, and have been hitting me really hard lately. I have this surgical thing at the end of the month. I just think that if I was in school right now, that I'd be missing so much of it that it would be pointless. So that's on the back burner again, which doesn't bother me as much as it would if I'd already started it.

My Birthday Party. I don't think it's going to happen on my birthday. I want more time to plan the thing, like I planned last year's party for Mark. And it would help if I had some cash.

Apparently, my account is overdrawn. And because 4 payments were honored by my bank, they're charging me $33.00 per payment; that's $132.00. Why didn't they just NOT pay for the things I couldn't afford? That about kills the check I was going to use for the party, and leaves me mostly broke.

I had to cancel the Amazon orders I placed last week :-(

The non-birthday party, PARTY. I don't think it will take that much cash to throw the kind of party I'm thinking of. I might even push it back to September. I'm thinking of having a party to celebrate the summer. I'd just have to get snacks and drinks. I would like to buy 3 disposable flash cameras, and have everyone take lots of pictures, that I could develope later ;-0)

But there might be a much smaller gathering on my birthday. Amber Hatt will be back in Michigan on Friday, and she said she'd love to come see me on Saturday. I'll probably be seeing Jeremy that day (though that's not a sure thing), and Carrie said she'd be up for anything I had planned. And Mark will be here of course. Mark said he'd pay for the snacks & booze for the actual party. I've got tons to think about and plan and decide.

But mostly I just want to clean my room, jack off, and shave my head. Then groove to the new PSB music, and dance naked in my room. Is that asking too much? ;-0)

I'm all smiley now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:27 PM
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   Sunday, August 6, 2006

My back hurts. I'm finishing this week's laundry. I've eaten. I need to find something to wear tonight, and if I could get a nap in, that would be great, as I've been up since 5am.

I've got more to say, but it can wait.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:21 PM
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   Monday, August 7, 2006

I need to sleep. But I have much to write about later.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:44 AM
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   Tuesday, August 8, 2006

Ok. Where to start?

Saturday. I did shave my head. I did jack off. I did finish cleaning my room, but I didn't dance naked to the Pet Shop Boys. lol

Sunday. I did wake up at 5am. I assumed I'd get back to sleep later, and I continued reading the latest Star Trek: Enterprise novel "Last Full Measure", which I'd heard really great things about. First of all, it's set within the 3rd Season of that series, which is my favorite season of the show. Secondly, it was written by Michael A. Martin & Andy Mangels, who have written several fabulous Trek novels that I've enjoyed over the last few years ("Section 31: Rogue", "Mission Gamma: Cathedral", "Lost Era (2298): The Sundered, "Worlds of DS9, Book 2, Trill: Unjoined). They wrote the 2-part Ishtar Rising story for the ongoing Starfleet Corp of Engineers E-Book series, which will be released in paperback (#30-31) this November. They've also contributed several stories to a variety of Trek anthologies ("Prophecy & Change", "Tale of the Dominion War", "Tales from the Captain's Table) and wrote the first two novels in the Titan series ("Book 1: Taking Wing" & "Book 2: The Red King") which tell the stories of Riker & Troi on his post Nemesis command, and which I'm looking forward to reading; I already own them. I've loved most of their books because they're such good stories, in which the characters behave as the characters would on the shows that inspired them. They also have a knack for including GLBT themed characters, which I appreciate, and they make no apologies for doing so. They're also sticklers for continuity - which I also greatly appreciate. And the other reason I thought I'd really enjoy this latest Martin/Mangels novel was that I'd heard that this new Enterprise book's prologue/epilogue were added to the novel to set up the next book "The Good That Men Do", which will serve as the Enterprise relaunch novel! ;-0) All good things indeed!

Well...I never did get back to sleep, as I was completely sidetracked by my brain's inability to comprehend where the hell this new trek book takes place! lol. I know, I'm a Trekkie Geek, but that doesn't bother me. This new book has a Historian's Note in the front, which are now often carried in newer Trek books, letting the reader know exactly where the book takes place within the Trek universe - only I don't think it can possibly take place where it says that it does... So I started referenceing and cross referenceing, and I didn't even finish that because I had to eat, and do my laundry... And then I realized that I didn't have time to take a nap before work! lol I still have to figure out that Trek book - but I sat it aside while I waited for my clothes to dry, and continued reading "Magic's Price", which is as good as I remember it being.

So, I was washing all of my work clothes, and they were in the dryer, but I put them on the wrong setting, and they weren't dry when it was time to leave for work. I reset the dryer at the correct setting, and called work to let them know what was going on. Andrea aswered the phone, and told me she'd tell Heidi? I didn't know why she'd do that, since Heidi would be leaving in a few minutes, and Nate was closing the store...

When I got to work, a half an hour late, I was surprised to learn that Heidi & Nate had changed shifts, and so I'd be closing with Heidi instead, which was great news! I love Nate, but I haven't seen much of Heidi lately, so this was a welcome surprise! And working with Andrea to boot! That was all I needed to not have any stress, and not freak out at all over the lack of sleep thing, and we took care of business as it were.

I went to the McDonalds on Zeeb during my lunch, and ate inside. The cute McDonalds boy, with the makeup, and the attractive voice was there. I gave him my webpage addy weeks ago, and he'd never mentioned it to me, so I figured it freaked him out, which was fine. But he said that he'd just checked it out, and when asked he said that it didn't traumatize him; and he joked a bit about it, which was cute. That all made me feel good. Plus I now had calories to burn at the bar later. ;-0)

When I got back to work, Heidi told me that my friend Carrie Knauss had been by while I was gone, and that she'd meant to return soem of my property, which I didn't get at the time, because I didn't think Carrie had anything of mine. Later, I remembered that I'd let her borrow Season 1 & Season 2 of Hercules, and Season 1 of Xena, plus Season 1 of Justice League, so she actually has quite a lot of my property! lol I also noticed that missed a call from Jeremy, who didin't leave a message, which isn't like him. I called him back to find out what was going on, but he said he didn't leave a message because he realized he called for a stupid reason. He was going to ask me to buy him some cigarettes on my way to the bar, but he realized that if he was too lazy to get them in the first place then he really didn't want them very badly. Jeremy doesn't usually smoke, but he sometimes does while he's at a bar.

Heidi let me go just before midnight. I went to the bank to get some cash, and then headed directly to Club Divine. I'd been planning on going since last Sunday night, when I'd dropped by to see Jeremy, and then had a great time, that didn't stem soley from seeing him. But truth be told, I was extremely tired from my lack of sleep, and had considered not goiong...only as I drove down the expressway, blaring the new Pet Shop Boys music, I got my second wind, and was really jazzed about going to the club.

I've now been writing this entry for 2 hours (if you can believe that), and I'm going to take a break and get something to eat. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:41 AM
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The food break after the last entry turned into something all together different. Which I'll have to catch up to next time, as I have to go vote now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:58 PM
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   Wednesday, August 9, 2006

See the previous 2 entries to see what the fuck I'm talking about here:

When I got to the bar Sunday night, I went to say hello to Jeremy right away. It sucks that I can't visit him anywhere except when he's working. I can't just drop by his house, because that would be disrespectful of his boyfriend, Danny. I don't want to piss danny off, or hurt him, so I stay away, even though he knows all about me. The whole thing is strange, and I know this. Still there was a bit of conversation, and some shared smiles. He gave me a free drink, and I tipped him $3.00, though the drink was too strong, and I couldn't finish it.

David Grant was there again, and I said hello to him, and met his friend Caroline. We chatted briefly, but they headed off, and I was on my own, which was fine. I like going to bars by myself. It's not that I don't enjoy going with friends, but when I'm alone anything can happen, and I'm good with that. When I'm with friends, I generally concentrate on them, and it kind of defeats the purpose of being in a bar, which for me is either about losing myself in the music, or just people watching. Is that weird?

I talked to my pal Jon, who I hadn't seen in ages, and I met his friends. Their names escape me, but one of them mentioned that he was surprised that Jeremy was nice to him. Now, understand that I didn't even bring Jeremy's name up, and I couldn't imagine Jeremy being mean to anyone, so I asked what he meant, and he told me that he usually gets his hair cut by Jeremy, but that he went to someone else, and that Jeremy was known for being pissy about such things. That didn't seem like Jeremy to me; I could see it happening, but only if there was something more to it, you know? There must have been something else going on there. I mentioned it to Jeremy, and he was able to pick the guy out in the crowd, and said that of course he was nice to the guy because he's not shallow like that, though the guy's friend was - there was some kind of drama going on, and while I wanted to know what it was, I didn't think this was the time or place, and I didn't want to piss anyoone off, so I just let the whole thing slide by.

There was a stripping contest going on when I got there. I don't really enjoy strippers that much, unless I know them. I need to connect with people to get turned on, and strippers don't connect with you; not really. I knew one that did, but it was such a random thing. There was another stripper that was obviously attracted to me, but when I asked him to dance with me in the club proper, he told me that if his other customers saw him dancing with me, they'd be miffed, and he'd lose money, so he couldn't afford it. That pretty much turned me off to strippers. Plus most of the ones I've seen backstage are coked up, which, to me, seems to imply that, most of the strippers I've met, don't really enjoy their work, so what's the fricking point? Ca$h. That's what. And that doesn't interest me. It's so shallow.

So I bided my time the best way I knew how. I talked to people. I love meeting people, and talking to people, and I'm not shy about it, which usually provides me with a lot of pleasure. I met a hot, older black guy named Anthony, who had been in London that morning; he works for an airline. He was charming, and attractive, and we had a great conversation. Later I when I was dancing (during an intermission to the contest) I noticed this guy, who I thought was a great dancer; and he was really cute. Later, while standing at the bar, chatting with Anthony some more, I also started up conversation with the dancer boy, who's name was Justin. He was 24; Anthony was 36 or 38; I want to say 38. We were all talking, and having fun. I was strongly attracted to Justin, but he mentioned that he was moving to New York on Sunday, which bummed me out. While I was talking to Anthony, Justin got Jeremy's phone # and then called him to give him his phone #, which made me even more bummed, and jealous. I wasn't having fun. But I was a trooper. I asked Justin how he knew Jeremy and he said that he'd just met him (or so I thought). He asked me if I knew him and I said yes, and when he asked me how, I told him that we had been lovers, and that Jeremy was really good in bed.

The contest finally ended; sadly this isn't the last one, as Jeremy told me he thinks they will be a continued Club Divine staple. They bring out a crowd, and I'm assuming the bar makes a lot more money when a show is going on. I told Jeremy that I had seen Justin dancing and I thought he was cute. Jeremy said he was trying to figure out where he knew Justin from; said he worked at Bennigan's. Apparently when Justin called Jeremy to give him his #, it popped up on his phone as "Justin" so he knew that he had gotten his phone # before. None of this was helping me feel any better...

Later I danced with Justin. It was hot. The eye contact between us was...hot. While I was dancing with him, the image of Jeremy fucking him popped into my head, and that was (surprisingly) hot too. I saw Jeremy head into the mens room. I followed, and told him what I'd been thinking and he thought that was hot too. I was standing behind him at a urinal and started kissing his ear and neck. He said I was going to get him in trouble, and I said that I really was. He kissed me and headed back out. We talked about how hot Justin was, and I mentioned his ass, and Jeremy said he hoped to see it in person before Justin moved to New York. But since the image of them together now turned me on, it didn't bother me like before. I was having a good time.

I went back and danced with Justin some more, until it was time to close the bar. Somewhere along the way I learned I'd misheard Justin earlier and that he'd met Jeremy last week. I told him that Jeremy couldn't remember when he'd met him, and that he should tell him, as it was driving him crazy, which made him laugh. I think he was more flattered that Jeremy kind of remembered him, and wanted to remember him, than he was upset that Jeremy didn't remember him completely. He was cute like that. We both went over to Jeremy to say our goodbyes. I got a hug from Jeremy. I didn't see Anthony anywhere. I was leaning against the bar, and was kind of between Jeremy & Justin. I told Justin about the image I'd had of Jeremy fucking Justin. I just couldn't hold anything back that night, and it made me feel really good, if a bit odd. But I'm used to feeling odd. They didn't seem to mind me being there, so I stayed. I said goodnight to Jeremy, as we were being hearded to the doors. I walked ahead so Justin could say goodbye to Jeremy. And then we were outside the bar, and it was time to say goodbye.

Only we didn't. The eye contact was back. And we talked. And he was funny, and could carry a conversation, which I complimented him on. There was a really strong attraction there, at least on my part. I suddenly asked him if I could kiss him, and he said no. My face kind of fell, as I felt I'd just crossed a line, or said something really stupid. But he was just kidding with me! lol And soon we were kissing. A great kiss by the way. I liked his lips. I liked a great deal about him. And he soon revealed that he liked a great deal about me. It sucked though, because I knew he was moving on Sunday, and that he'd most likely be busy this whole week. He was having a going away party on Thursday, and invited me & Jeremy while we were in the bar, and he'd gotten my phone #.

He was walking home, and I was parked in the other direction. I was rambling outloud saying that this sucked, and that since we didn't know each other that well, he'd probably not be comfortable going somewhere to talk with me. He asked me why he'd be uncomfortable with that. I made it formal, and asked him if he'd like to go somewhere to talk, to which he said yes, and off we went.

We talked about many things, as we walked to where my car was parked. I got his full name. Justin Charles House. His birhtday is April 24, 1982. That makes him almost exactly 11 years younger than Mark, who's birthday is April 23, 1971. Mark later told me that Justin shares a birthday with our friend Don Wright, while Justin informed me that it's the same birthday as Barbara Streisand. When I first asked Justin for his full name & birthday he asked me if I was stealing his identity, and I told him that it was for the dedication to the poem that I would be writing. I'd told Justin & Jeremy that I'd be writing a poem about them; about the hot sex I imagined them having. We talked about his move to New York. He's going to work on Broadway. He told me that he was sad to be moving, because he had a lot of people that he's just geting close to, and family and stuff, but he's going there to make a career out of something he loves.

When we got to my car, we just stood there talking. I sometimes sat on the car, and still we talked. There were times when we were almost kissing, and then we'd start talking about something else. It was a lot of fun, and I was liking everything that I was hereing about him. I asked him if he wanted to sit in the car, as I wanted to lean back and relax. He said sure. And we talked for awhile longer.

It was after 3am now. I asked him what he had to do that day (as it was now Monday morning) and he said that all he had to do was get some sleep and work at 6pm. I told him I could drive him home, but that I'd really like it if he came home with me. I told him that I didn't want our conversation to end, as this might be our only chance to have this, and I was really enjoying it. He said he really enjoyed it too, and he'd come home with me. I told him that we could drop by his house to get him some clothes, as we were both very sweaty from the bar, but he said he didn't have any clean clothes, as he was about to do all his laundry. He has 5 roomies; all women. I told him that if worst came to worst he could wear some of mine.

He knew exactly where we were going, which was good, because I didn't want him to think I was taking him to the middle of nowhere; I wanted him to be comfortable. He was. The conversation just flowed so freely; it was great. He told me he thought my eyes were beautiful. He has blue eyes too. Same as me and Jeremy. All of us J's too. And he has a sibling with a J name too! That's so funny.

When we got to the condo, I gave him a very short tour, and then we both used the bathroom, which was the major reason I wanted to come home in the first place. I was very tired, as I'd been awake for nearly 24 hours, but I was also very awake, and enjoying our time together. He said he felt exactly the same way. He complimented me on at least as many things as I complimented him, and I think we both meant everything we said, which was nice. He's 8 years younger than me, but I felt like we were the same age, and he said that he got that too.

He told me about his previous sexual experiences, and who he had dated, and why they broke up, and I told him about some of mine. I told him about Jeremy, though I vagued a lot of it up, out of respect for Jeremy. I told him I love Jeremy. I didn't really hold anything back from him, that people would expect me too, and he seemed to respect that, which turned me on. I told him about my eating disorder, and physical maladies. And there was this sharing of thoughts and feelings, and it was all respectful, and given & taken freely. There was a bond forming that wasn't expected, but was greatly appreciated. He told me that he was very into monogamy, and that he'd never just gone home with anyone before. He said that he was usually very shy, and that he usually didn't talk enough. He said that he didn't usually like his picture taken. I never would have known any of that, because he didn't seem shy, and he didn't have trouble talking with me, and he didn't mind me taking his picture, as I took several; none of them are naughty, so don't ask for them! lol There were a lot of first times that night, as we mentioned more than once.

I felt gross in my clothes from the bar, and I told him I wanted to take a shower, and I asked him if he wanted to take one and he said yes. I asked if he wanted to take one with me, and he said yes. His smile was great. The shower was great. And I know this probably sounds weird, but while the shower was sexual, it was also just, genuinely friendly, and just fun, and relaxed. Erections were had, and commented on. Everything was commented on. It was just...fun. And it didn't have to be more than that...

Back in my room we just sort of sprawled on my bed, naked, and talked some more. lol We talked about how the whole night had been really random, and how this felt like a slumber party or something, which amused us both. We talked, and talked, and talked. And then there was kissing. Lots of kissing. What a great kisser he was. And he liked the way I kissed too. There was a whole connection of kissing. It was sexual, but it was innocent at the same time, if that makes any sense? The kissing eventually made way for more intense sexual play, but even when things got heavy, there was still conversation. And there was no rush to orgasm. It was like orgasms were the last things on our minds, and we were just happy to BE. There. With each other. We talked about that too, and we were completely on the same page. I told him there had been times when I'd just hooked up with people for sex, and nothing more, but that I thought that it had more to do with where I'd been emotionally at the time, than anything else, and that emotional place, was a very bad place. He seemed to really like that; said I was the first person that he'd heard acknowledg that, and he agreed.

I could right all the sexual details here. It would be easy for me to call them up in detail, but I'm not going to. We had sex, and it was great. And I wish we could have more conversations, and sex, but I'm not sure that's possible. He told me that I have to visit him in New York, and I figure he's going to visit people back here in Michigan as well, but who knows if any of that will ever happen? I don't. But I do know that I don't regret a single thing that happened with him. I'm very grateful for the time we had together, and I hope I'll always remember it.

There were a couple times where we slept, and then we'd start again. It was so relaxed, and so natural. There was so much kissing...and communication wise, we were just amazingly open, and clear. It felt like we'd been lovers for years, only everything was new...wow. We were still going at it, when it was time for Mark to get up for work. I told him that since Mark & I share a car, I'd have to drive Mark to work, so that I could have the car to drive him home.

I got Mark out of bed. I told him I had a friend over; he assumed it was Jeremy. Justin and I got dressed. There was a lot of kissing. And though I should have been exhausted, I wasn't. Justin later said that he felt the same. Mark needed to go to some banks, and asked me to come in with him, so we could see what was up with my account. They had actually charged me 5 over fees, which devoured my latest check, and still left me owing them $170.00!!!! How crazy is that? We got them to waive the latest fee, and I paid them, but that left me with no cash for groceries, but Mark said I could get $50.00 out of his account for that.

It was around 10am, when we finally got Mark to work. He took a picture of Justin and I, before he headed in. Justin & I were finally headed out to his place. I had mentione earlier that I was hungry, and he was hungry now, so he suggested we get something to eat. I stopped and got the money from the bank (the ATM was closed so I had to go in, and ended up getting $80.00 because of a mix-up in which I thought I was being clever, but it turned out I was completely retarded, and barely escaped a horrible fate. don't ask.). We went to Jimmy Johns, where I'd never been before. I got a sub; I'd never had one before. I got a sub with turkey breast, tomatos, lettice, bacon & mayo on it. I'd never had mayo or turkey before. It was pretty good, but I remembered that I hadn't taken my prilosec so I didn't eat much of it, for fear of throwing up. lol But it was cool to eat something new with him, because he knew it was all new, and he was cool with it. ;-0)

I saved the sandwich for later. I drove Justin home and there was another kiss goodbye, and another picture. He was so tired, and we'd spent as much time together as we could... And our goodbye was short and sweet. I drove to Hollywood Video to pick up my lunch that I'd left at work the night before. I took the last 4 pictures in my roll of film (Bryan, Bryan, Bryan & DJ, and the store front with my car), then dropped off the film, headed home, and took a nap.

While I slept, I put the Pet Shop Boys song "Luna Park" on repeat, at a low volume. I dreamt that I was at an amusement park with Justin. Jeremy was there, as was Mollie, and my older sister and her kids. Mark was there. Many men that I've dated or had crushes on were there, and everyone was happy. It was night time, and the clouds in the night sky were a dark purple that was very beautiful. Jeremy was walking with me & Justin. Justin & I were holding hands, and kissing, a lot, just as we had a few hours before. Jeremy seemed to like this; it made him happy to see us happy. We were all happy for each other. Eventually the dream became more surreal and sad, as the storm clouds really poured it down on us, with warm rain and angry heat lightning. People were leaving the park, but Justin and I resisted this...we stood in the storm and made out like crazy. When I woke up I thought about how cool the guy in the dream was, and then realized he was real, and I smiled.

I'd been asleep for about 2 hours. I got up and started getting dressed to go get my pictures. Mollie called me to let me know she wouldn't be able to see me on my bithday, as she now had to work. She was really upset about this, and I would have been too, except that I don't really care if I see anyone on my birthday now that I know I'm planning on this party, probably in September, where I'll hopefully get to see tons of people ;-0) I was on the phone so long with Mollie that I almost didn't make to the photo place in time to pick up my pictures. They were a good mix of pix; a few of me; a couple of Mark & Mollie; several from work, and several of Justin. I picked up Mark from work; my new scanner had arrived. We went to Meijer for some groceries; came home; set up the new scanner, and then I went to bed, around 8pm. I woke up around 10pm and considered going to Necto for goth night and new pictures, but decided I needed the sleep. I went back to sleep, without really trying, and woke up 7:30am, Tuesday morning!

I started writing in my blog, but stopped after a few hours to eat. I ate. I had more of my sandwich from Jimmy Johns. It all so new to me that I can't eat too much of it at once, but I enjoy eating it, even though it's very strange. I had an apple, and some yogert. I then realized I wanted to do some recording and work on a special project. That took most of the day, even though I didn't get it finished; I got lots done.

When Mark got home, we went to a local school and voted. It was fun. When we got home, I showed him some of the cool stuff I figured out on the computer. I'm working with a lot of new tech, and it's frustrating not knowing what I'm doing, and yet it's really cool, so it's really strange at times.

My back has been killing me. I'm hoping that it is in fact my back though and not one of my kidnys. I don't want another kidney stone. I don't want anything of the kind. lol

I worked on some more stuff, and went to the Aut Bar, really briefly, then came home and started writing this. I'm going to bed in a few minutes; I'm really tired. There are probably a lot of typos in this post.

It's now Adam Hess's birthday. Happy Birthday Adam!!!

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:55 AM
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I read 2 chapters of "Magic's Price" before trying to get some sleep. Mark has been watching the Star Wars movies; he was watching Episode III last night, and he always watches the big screen tv downstairs with the volume turned up. I had earplugs in my ears while I was reading, but I took those out so I could listen to some music. Eventually I had to sleep, and around 1am, I finally went downstairs to ask him to turn the tv down. He was asleep on the couch, so I just kissed his forehead, and shut off the tv, came upstairs and went right to sleep.

I woke up around 7:30am. Mark was getting up. He had to go in early today, because our clutch isn't working properly, and he needed to take the car in for service. I told him that regardless of what they do, he has to be home right after he gets out of work, as I have Adam's party to attend, and I might be late just going when he usually gets home. Jeremy expressed interest in going to, and then spending the night...but I haven't seen or heard from him since Monday morning, when the bar closed. I called him yesterday to ask his advice on primary election, but his phone just rang & rang & rang. I tried again about 15 minutes later, and I got his voicemail that time. Weird. Well, I hope I do see him tonight, and I get to spend time with Adam, Carrie, Mollie, and anyone else that makes it to the Lazer Tag party.

I'm so glad that I've had these 3 days off in a row. Sometimes when I have a lot of time off, I don't have anything to do, but on these days I've had far too much to do, but it's been mostly fun stuff. I need to work on Jeremy's cd. I should try to wrap Adam's presents, which I got weeks ago, before I even knew there was a party. I need to oganize a bunch of my shit. There's so much to do! Erg. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:41 AM
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I got a lot of my stuff organized. I haven't wrapped the presents yet. I got a lot of my poetry polished, and saved. That's been the bulk of my day, really. But I'm tired of staring at my computer screen. I need to take a nap or something. I need to get away from this 'dread machine'.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:49 PM
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   Thursday, August 10, 2006

This is the 2nd time I'm writing this, as my computer did something weird and lost the whole thing. I hate that! Erg.

I did get away from my comupter after the last entry. I cleaned my room, and rearranged my GLBT inclusive shelf; adding my tv shows, which were on a different shelf. I figured I'm not going to be buying many movies in the near future, so this won't cause any problems for awhile.

Mark came home early, as he wasn't feeling well, but that passed. Mark wrapped Adam's presents for me. We couldn't get the car fixed until next week because our dearlership sucks.

I met up with my friends at Zap Zone about 7:30pm. Mollie, Adam, Carrie & I were there. Adam loved his gifts (thank Joss!), and I tried to tape him with his gifts, but I couldn't because of lighting issues. Bryan was closing the store, so he couldn't be there. Robert was working until 8pm, but Chris agreed to drop by after she picked him up, and he could play, though she wasn't up to it. Jeremy was supposedly in a short meeting, but it had gone over. Then when he said he was leaving, he got caught up in more drama with Martin & Keith, and by the time he got there, MUCH later, he was not looking happy. I had called him to find out where he was, and he said he'd make it up to my friends, which they heard and then shouted out things they liked, with Mollie saying flowers. Jeremy brought Mollie a flower. I was worried about him, because he'd been having a private, serious talk with Danny, and he just looked so drained. Chris & Robert had arrived before him, and it was great seeing them!!! ;-0)

We went into Zap Zone. Before it had been filled with scary children, but that number had decreased. There were some geeks; seriously. The guy behind the counter was being visited by his girlfriend, Katie, who was really cool. They let us play with only our people, and play for an hour after they closed! It was so great of them, and we had a blast! It really cheered up Jeremy, who was really good, and he was just like a little kid in there. It made me smile. All my friends got along with Jeremy, and he liked them too, so that rocked. By the time were were done with our 4th game we soaked; it so hot in there, and we went our separate ways, as we all wanted to shower. I had to drop off Robert, and Jeremy went to get food, and we were to meet back at the condo. I dropped off Robert, though I forgot to get the money he owed me, and went to Meijer for some groceries with hopes of seeing Yvette Tower, only she wasn't there. Frank rang me up for my groceries, which I couldn't afford without my cash infusion from Robert. I used Mark's account, which didn't upset him. Frank asked if I was in a hurry, and I told him my lover was waiting for me, and he asked if that was something new, and I said no, and left him to ponder that...

Jeremy was already at the condo, and being let in by Mark, when I was just leaving the Meijer parking lot, and when I finally got home he was sitting in my bedroom watching my naked men picture screen saver as it flashed across my screen.

I have to get ready for work; I'll write the rest later.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:10 PM
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   Friday, August 11, 2006

Wednesday night, after coming home to find Jeremy in my room, we talked and talked & talked; well, after we showered anyways. It was weird. I was so hungry. I was so tired. I was so horny. I felt like I was being bitchy, but Jeremy says that I wasn't. We didn't have sex. I told him all about Justin; Jeremy wanted details, and he liked what I gave him. I told him he probably wouldn't get that from me that often; I don't connect with guys on that level on a regular basis... Jeremy told me about his latest sexual adventure. I want him to be able to tell me anything. And if it stings a little, I'm ok with that. The reason I broke up with him in the first place was that he needed me as a friend far more than he needed me as a boyfriend, if that makes any sense... Jeremy & I fell asleep around 3am. When morning forced Jeremy to leave, I walked him downstairs, and we had this physical connection, and he went down on me, which felt great. I told him that if he wanted to continue this, we should go in my room, as I didn't want to upset Mark. Or I said he could go, and we could continue it on Saturday; that it wasn't a big deal. He really needed to go, and I knew that.

I went back to sleep, and woke up without a lot of time to get ready for work, or eat or anything. Mark picked me up, and then dropped me off at work. I worked with Jeff & Bobby. Later, Matt came in. He had taken one of Andrea's shifts for extra hours, and then she showed up too, because she forgot. I got some pictures. Andrea then let slip that she's leaving us at the end of the month! Apparently everyone knew but me. :-0( It sucks. She left a little while later, and later Joe joined us. I took my lunch fairly early, and ate tons, while watching the beginning of ALIENS. I haven't actually watched the movie in years; just talked about it, and remembered it, so it was odd, actually seeing it. At the end of my shift, about 40minutes before Mark could pick me up (in the rental car the dealership was all but forced to give us), I punched out and continued with ALIENS...until Mark arrived.

He drove me back to our car, which was at his work, then I drove the rental car, while Mark drove our car to the dealership so I could drive us home. When we got home, John & Tui were out in front of their condo and we talked about the election, and politics, but my right leg, which had been hurting all day, was bugging me, so I took my leave and sat at my computer where I could read my e-mail, and then scan pictures.

When I was done with all that, I was feeling kind of depressed. I'd been thinking a lot about my hospital stay in 1992, and I couldn't get the memories out of my head. Then Justin never called about his going away party. I didn't know what to think about Jeremy. And I just wanted to be numb, but I really couldn't be. People say I'm strong, but I have weak moments like everybody else; I just have good friends, and I have my ways of dealing.

I thought seeing people would help me, so showered, and shaved, and I went to the Aut Bar. The 2nd Thursday of every month is a Euchre night at Aut Bar, and I know the players though I always miss the part where I could join in. This time was no different, but I hung out with them (Chris [25], Brendan & Andy are the ones that I know), and then my friend Robert showed up just before the Euchre buds left. I was feeling tired, so I said I was going to see if there was anybody I knew upstairs and then leave.

Jeremy was upstairs. Apparently I had just missed Kim. I called her, but she was going to bed. She's coming over on my birthday to see me, and also to get a picture of her in her new outfit taken. (if Mark is reading this, Kim sends you big kisses & hugs) This really sucked though, because I'd been there for hours at this point, and I could have been chilling with Kim & Jeremy. Jeremy was tipsy, and using the L word a lot. He told me again and again that he's not worth loving, and that he's a horrible person, and it was just so sad, and painful. I didn't back down, and I refused to leave him at the bar, as he talked about driving home, and he was in no shape for that; and he drank right up untilt he end. Apparently he and Danny were fighting yesterday, and Jeremy didn't want to go home. He told me he didn't want to hurt me but that he wanted to go home with someone and screw; someone other than me. That way he wouldn't have to think or feel, as he does with me. He pointed out the boys in the bar that he would "settle for". These were guys that he didn't think were horrible looking, but that he didn't really find attractive. He told me he loved me (again, and again) but then told me not to take it to heart. He hit on a several boys over the course of my vigil. At least one of them had hit on me earlier and while Jeremy lied through his teeth about his religion to get in bed with him, he kept looking back to me, like he felt sorry for me, having to deal with this, while he kind of egged on Jeremy, which pissed me off. Jeremy was in the bathroom with one guy (Abraham) for awhile. But I couldn't leave him. I didn't want anything bad to happen to him, and he kept asking me why not? He kept telling me to let him wrap his car around a tree. I was almost crying, but I was too determined to keep him from driving home to acknowledge the pain I was feeling. He kept screaming that I was trying to keep him from driving home, and that he just wanted to drive! But everybody at the bar, EVERYBODY...kept telling him that he shouldn't drive, and that he should let his friend take him home with him.

We stayed for awhile after the bar closed, and then I saved him from stumbling down the stairs outside! Twice! He sat down on the pavement, and refused to come home with me. He said he would sleep on the pavement. I told him that if he stayed there, then I'd have to stay there too, even though I was cold and uncomfortable. He screamed at me to leave him alone, and to stop caring about him. He said horrible things. Things I can't even repeat here. Then he said he would sleep in his car, but I didn't want to leave him there when he could just leave in 10 minutes and crash, and I'd have to feel responsible for that for the rest of my life! His bathroom buddy, Abraham, (whom Jeremy proclaimed his lust for at the top of his lungs, both in & outside the bar, much to the amusement of a gaggle of guys) helped me talk him out of driving, which was really great of him. Jeremy said he could stay at WRAP, and he would give his keys to Abraham, and that Abraham could come check on him. It was obvious that he wanted Abraham to do more than check on him. It was like I wasn't even standing there. I was invisible. Abraham got his keys from him, and told him that he'd give him the keys in the morning, then he turned to me privately and told me that I was a really great friend, and asked if I could make sure Jeremy got his car keys around 8am, and I said that it wasn't a problem. Jeremy didn't hear that I had his keys, but he sounded content to stay at WRAP, asking us to lock and close the door behind us. He sounded comfortable, and ready for bed. We left Jeremy there, and I have his keys.

Well, I wanted to be numb. Now I am. I'm so drained. Now I'm not remembering the hospital; I'm reliving it. I don't know why I don't break. I don't know why I survive. I sometimes wish that I hadn't. But is there anyone who doesn't think those things? It's just been a bad night. I should sleep. I have to be up early, after all.

I hope Jeremy will be alright.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:30 AM
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17 minutes after the last entry, I was asleep, when the phone rang. It was Jeremy & he wanted his keys. He said he was freaking out, and just needed his keys, and he needed to get home. I told him I'd come give him his keys, and then I'd drive him home, if that's where he wanted to go, but he kept insisting that he would drive. He sounded so fucked up, and I didn't know what to do. He kept talking about how Abraham had "just left him", when Abraham and I had left him together, and he'd asked us to go, and shut the locked door behind us. Just before I fell asleep, I had thought maybe that hadn't been the best thing to do, but there weren't a lot of options, and Jeremy was actually the one who suggested that he stay at WRAP for the night, and that he could give his keys to Abraham, but I think Jeremy thought that Abraham was going to stay with him, or come back and check on him. He kept going on & on about how Abraham had seduced him into staying. He sounded like a little boy, and it hurt me to hear what he was saying, and how he was saying it. I told him I'd be there in a little while.

I woke up Mark. I knew I needed help, and I wasn't afraid to ask for it. I knew that Mark cared about Jeremy; he wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him. I knew that even though Mark was asleep, and he had to work in the morning, that the sound of my voice, after crying, would rouse him to help me. I knew that Mark was detached enough that he would surrender Jeremy's keys to him, so I gave them to Mark, and asked if he could drive Jeremy's car to Jeremy's house, while I drove the rental, so that Jeremy could get home, have his car in the morning for work, and still not have to drive. Jeremy resisted the idea, a lot. But Mark stood firm, and said he was just doing the reponsible thing and helping out a friend. Jeremy rode with Mark, and I followed them. I still had that numb, exhausted feeling.

When we got to Jeremy's house, Mark & Jeremy said goodnight, then Jeremy came to me and said he wasn't upset, then said he was upset but that it didn't matter. He said he was pissed that he didn't know where his keys were, and that we had left him alone. But he practically screamed at me to leave him alone, and I told him I wouldn't as long as there was a possability that he might drive. He suggested staying at WRAP, and giving his keys to Abraham. I offered to bring him home with me so he could sleep, and I'd bring him back to his car in the morning, but he didn't want to be with me; he wanted Abraham; he told me that over & over. And when the happy compromise arrived with him telling us he was fine, and could we (Abe & I) leave, and bring him his keys at 8am, then I took it. I was so exhausted, and emotionally bruised, and he was fine with the idea, or seemed to be, and...ugh. The whole thing just hurt. I told him I did what I had to do to keep him safe, and alive. He said that he wasn't mad at us, and that we had done the right thing, and admitted that he shouldn't have driven home... He told me to thank Mark for him again. I told him to get some sleep, and left.

I told Mark that Jeremy had thanked him, and Mark said that the entire trip to his house, Jeremy had apologised, and thanked him. We talked about how worried we were about him. We talked about our pasts, and how they related to Jeremy's. Jeremy had told me earlier that we had been through so much of the same shit, but that somehow it had made me stronger, and that it had only damaged him. Mike, one of the hospital kids told me that, in relation to all the other kids, and their deaths. I was suffering some serious deja vu. I was crying. I was feeling all sorts of shit, and it was torn between feelings in the past, and feelings in the present.

When we got home, we sat in the car for awhile and talked about Mark's painful experiences with his father. It was like we were all trapped in some weird memory loop last night, and it sucked. When we went inside, I gave Mark a hug and told him to fire up the internet, as I wanted to update my blog, but then when he came upstairs, I told him I was actually going to bed, and I'd update it in the morning.

I woke up around 8:50am, when Mark was leaving for work. I had diarrhea. I think it was from the drinks I had the night before with no food. But it's possible that I have the flu, as one of the Euchre guys announced that he'd been sick for days, AFTER he had been hanging out with us for a couple of hours. Thanks Chris.

So I wrote this. It feels cold in my room, which is usually how I like it when I'm sleeping, but I feel like I can't get warm. I took one of my pills for my stomach. I'm going to go bury myself under my covers and try to not think about anything. Wish me luck with that.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:32 AM
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After the last entry, I did lay down and cover up with my comforter, but I didn't stay there for long. I got up, put on some sweats, and I made myself an omelette, and made some cookies at the same time. Everything was fantastic, and I was very full when all was said & swallowed. I printed up the 11 poems I wrote for Justin, plus a letter, and put all that in a huge envelope with the 9 pictures that I took of us on Monday, and brought that with me to work.

I was about 40 minutes late for work, but I knew I was working over for at least that long, and the store wasn't busy, so I wasn't worried about it. I worked with so many shift leaders today! DJ, Bryan, Jeff, Nate & Matt were all there. Gloria stopped in, with Jamie (who works in concert with Glo). Andrea also worked today. Oh, and Jean Wiggins, a great customer, brought me a cheese cake for my birthday, because she knew that I don't like cake, but had never had cheese cake. I'll have it tomorrow at the gathering.

Mark & I went to Bennigan's after work, and I gave Justin his going away gift. He was really busy at work, so he couldn't really chat, and he seemed a bit nervous, and shy (like he told me he usually is), which sort of amused me. But I gave him all the things I meant to give him at his going away party (though I would have kissed him goodbye at the party), and we ate, and we left. And that little surprise in my life, would appear to be finished.

We went to Kroger to get snacks and stuff for the gathering. I had 2 messages on my phone that I hadn't noticed. The first was from Jeremy; he just wanted say that he was grateful for us not allowing him to drive drunk last night. And he wanted to apologise IF he'd been an asshole. The message was left around 1:50pm, when I was at work. The next message was from Mollie, and I need to talk to her now (not that talking to Mollie is a chore or anything). Speaking of Mollie, she wrote this amazing blog entry about her brother that is just stunning. You can read it on her myspace page, it's called "Monsters". Then there was also another missed call from Jeremy, on which he did not leave a message.

Ok, so back to Kroger. We ran into Nate, Pat, and Matt's wife Sara! Then Matt showed up later, and there was this woman and her family that comes into Hollywood all the time. Then I ran into Chris "Box" Taylor, who grew up a block from me. It was crazy! I tried calling Jeremy back, but he didn't answer his phone, but I left him a message. We all checked out from Kroger, and Mark & I came home, though we forgot to pick up the cheese cake from work, but we can do that tomorrow.

Now I'm ckilling in my room.

Oh! My friend Bill, who just got back from New York popped into Hollywood today as well! That was a fun conversation. He wanted me to be his date to a masquerade ball tomorrow, but I've got the whole gathering thing, so I can't. He said he'd like to take me out for a birthday drink tonight though, so I'll probably do that. I'm going to have a snack now though, and watch a movie or something.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:42 PM
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   Saturday, August 12, 2006

Went to Aut Bar last night for my birthday drink with Bill. Aut Bar was dead. It was chilly out, which I didn't mind, as I was wearing my leather jacket, which I love wearing. ;-0) Bill was really late, and it was after 1am, when I got the drink. I was really tired, and I don't even remember what the drink was called, but it was yummy. It came in this tiny little glass, only it was very deceptive as there was a lot more in there then you would think. It was fun chatting with Bill. Meg was bartending. Abraham was there and we talked for a bit.

When it was time to leave, Bill asked for a kiss goodnight, and I gave him one. He said I was evil, and he'd forgotten what a good kisser I am. I met Bill the same day I met Jeremy. Then we met again months later. The timing was always wrong. Then we had this time together where the timing was right, and I just surrendered to the whole thing, and I had a great night, that I'll always remember. The timing has never been right like that again since. I wrote about that night, which you can read here.

When I got home, I made sure to eat. I didn't want to be sick in the morning. I read more of "Magic's Price"; I'm slowly, but surely continuing with the Velgarth/Valdemar books. I still haven't gotten back to that Enterprise book. On top of that, I've been aching to read some new Trek books, and I'd like to read the Dune series sometime soon.

I'm going to have a snack, and then start cleaning up the condo. People are coming over later, and I need to make room for everybody. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:25 PM
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   Sunday, August 13, 2006

The birthday gathering was a lot of fun. Bryan, Chris, Mollie, Carrie, Adam, Jeremy, Kim, Heidi, Nate, Andrea & her friend, & our neighbors Zyba(?) & Alice all made appearances. Mark brought me a pizza, which was fabulous (I really wanted some). There was drinking, and cake, which I had a slice of after everyone left. Janice called. As did Catherine, who I haven't spoken to in 10 years! That was wild. I also got a bunch of e-mails, e-cards, and myspace messages. I talked to Shawn Foreman as well. It was nice. Really nice.

I didn't want gifts, but Carrie gave me a stuffed elephant, which has a certain significance for me, plus she gave me this heartbreakingly cool card. Mollie sent me a $30.00 Amazon e-mail thingy. Bryan & Chris said they were saving their gift for the 'real' party. I got some cards from family members. Mark gave me my computer weeks ago. Jeremy told me he loves me, and he was sober, which has never happened before, so that was huge. Though it was weird hearing it so soon, after drunken Jeremy told me that he loved me but that I shouldn't take it to heart. Jeremy also said he was making me a birthday gift, but that he just thought of what he was going to make me, and it would be done at a later date. I told him what I wanted was a movie night, where we could watch 3 movies of my choosing, and I think that will be fun.

The whole night was fun. There was Uno for some of my friends, and Euchre for me, with Jeremy as my partner. There was massive JENGA, with two sets combined as one!?! This was drunken Jenga. Chris borrowed a Mercedes Lackey book from me, and Bryan borrowed GLBT dvds. Kim borrowed "Billy Elliot". Lots of conversation with friends, and hugs, and pictures and videos. I'd write about more of the details, but I'm really beat, and I want to go to bed.

But I just wanted to thank everyone who came, and helped keep up my track record of fun birthdays; this is my 5th one in a row; all previous birthdays, pretty much sucked. So THANK YOU ALL!

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:03 AM
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Woke up around 12:30pm. Mark was getting ready to leave; he was going to his dad's house to drop off our old scanner for Marcus, who's visiting this weekend. I had another slice of my birthday cake. It's not that bad, actually. I wish I'd had a slice when everyone was here so that they could SEE me eating birthday cake, but I had Mark take a picture of just that last night, so they could see it someday. ;-0)

I think I was a little short with my best friend Mollie last night. She seemed really kind of out of it most of the night, which had me worried, but she said she was just tired from...lack of sleep. I had wanted to play a hand of Euchre on my birthday, and I wanted Mollie to play, but the game kept being delayed, and I had to keep running all over the condo. It was fun, but it was weird having to run all over the place and make sure everyone got some attention. Adam, Mollie & Carrie stayed downstairs when a few of us went upstairs, and they played a game of Uno to help pass the time. Some guests told me that Mollie, Carre & Adam were bored. I didn't understand why they didn't come upstairs with us... But I told everybody we'd play Euchre as soon as Mollie was done playing Uno, because I knew she had to work early today. Then I went down and told Mollie, Carrie & Adam, but they were all screaming at each other about the Uno game ("Did you just skip me bitch?") and punching each other other for making the others draw cards, and they only stopped for a moment to explain that they were bored, and when I asked why they didn't join us upstairs they were again lost to the evil Uno. So I just left them to it, as I wasn't getting any feedback. And I figured they were having fun now; they sounded happy. But when they were done they said they were leaving, which annoyed me a bit, because Bryan & I had been waiting for them to finish so we could play the 1 game of Euchre. But as soon as I caught the annoyance in my voice, and the look on Mollie's face, I banished the base emotion from the room and ruffled Adam's hair, hugged Carrie & Mollie and thanked them all for coming. And it all worked out, as I played with Mark, Bryan, and Jeremy. Jeremy & I lost, but Jeremy did great. And it was sweet that he played as he hates the game. ;-0)

So, if there's any lasting bitterness at my moment of crabbyness, I just want to apologise to Mollie, Carrie, and Adam. And if anyone feels they were slighted, I just want to say that I was trying to pay attention to every person there, and it wasn't possible for me to do that with everyone all at the same time, and I didn't even try, because I knew that all my friends are friendly people and didn't need to be guarded by Bald Jason to have a good time with one another ;-0) My friends rock! And for anyone reading this, who wasn't invited to this gathering, this was meant to be a small thing, that would be a warm up for the REAL party that will most likely be celebrated in September. If you want to come to that party, don't hesitate to e-mail me and let me know.

The rest of the night was all fun. The JENGA game was just insane!!! I know a lot of pictures were taken too, which helps with my mandate of MORE pictures this year. The last couple of years, I've had 3 rolls of film developed over the coure of a year, with random photos taken at random events, but this year I've been really good about documenting lots of moments and times. I thank Mark for helping me with that. He recorded a lot of party video too. We got this video camera for our friend Kevin Clark in case he wanted to send out any message to people from his hospital room, where he was discharged a few days later to die in his home. Mark & I then said we'd use it to capture as much time as we could, only we haven't, so we've recently taken it up and started recording stuff. Good. Good. ;-0)

I think I'm going to eat some more, and maybe read. I work tonight, 7-close. I have Monday off, then work 1-5:30pm on Tuesday, then have Wednesday off, then I work 1-5:30pm on Thursday, then I have Friday & Saturday off, and then close the store on Sunday. My sister Janice and I are visiting our father on Friday. Those are my plans so far this week.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:24 PM
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   Monday, August 14, 2006

Work was mostly fun last night, with Nate, Andrea, & Heidi. After work, I came home to find Mark still plugging away on my computer. He installed some stuff that's pretty to look at, though I have no understanding of it. ;-0) I slept. I woke up around 9am. I said goodbye to Mark, who was leaving for work. I finished watching the first part of Anne of Green Gables; laughing and crying, as I always do when I watch it. I read more of "Magic's Price". Then I had a snack, and caught up on e-mails and myspace messages. Now I'm going to have something real to eat. After that, I have no plans.

Actually, Mark might be taking pictures of me later. I haven't had any naughty pictures taken for the fast approaching update. Jeremy was going to help with with some, but when that will be, I'm no longer sure. Maybe I'll get some good pictures at Necto tonight? I still don't know if I'm going though; we'll see.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:09 PM
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Mark got a new rental car, as ours won't be done until Wednesday. We now have high-speed internet again, which rocks! I finished watching "Anne of Green Gables", and later watched "Six Degrees of Separation". I love seeing movies that I love; reminds me why I love them so much. I've been trying to decide what movies to watch with Jeremy. hmmmmmm...

I've had such a lazy day. It's been great! Should I go to Necto or what? I have no clue what I'm doing next, but I'm not that worried about it either.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:48 PM
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   Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Mark wanted to eat before pictures, ate, watched the last half of HIGHLANDER, and fell asleep. Great. I went to Necto, where this trannie bitch asked me if I would fuck her up the ass, to which I said that she wasn't my type, and she hit my forehead with her fist. I knocked her hat off, and she grabbed me; I told her to let go and she wouldn't - and started burning me with her cigarette - I took the cigarette and put it out on her forehead, and left her screeching, while the lovely people that run the bar told her not to cause trouble again. Then I danced a lot. Didn't get any pictures though.

Erg.

Oh...Kim is on myspace!!! ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:22 AM
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   Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Slept until noon yesterday. I had to get ready in a hurry. I'm all out of Prilosec finally, and started my new meds. For now, they suck. I feel weird taking something new, when the old ones were finally starting to work for me. I was a bit late for work; Mark got distracted and forgot to pick me up, but he was nice enough to call my work and tell them that. Work wasn't as slow as it has been on recent week days, but it wasn't busy. I worked with Bryan, DJ, & Nate. Bill came in shortly before I left. Oh, and they gave me my birthday card for this year. I had expected it last week, and then I completely forgot about it. The card was cool. With many interesting comments. ;-0) Kim stopped by, got some work related info, and gave me a big hug; telling me I smelled really good.

That's a whole thing with me. Most everybody loves the way I hug, and comments on how good I smell. But anybody could hug the way I do, and I just bathe a lot, and throw on some cheap perfumy crap. But people seem to like it.

Well, then Jeremy called Kim, and there was a hello given, and she was off. I'm slightly jealous that she gets to see him so often, but then again it might be detrimental if I did see him as often as she does. I think I'm starting to get a handle on the whole Jeremy/Jason friend thing. At least I am, most of the time. I still have my moments, but they are fewer now.

After work, I just wanted to go home. I picked Mark up, and he didn't need to go anywhere. He reminded me that we are in fact, broke. We have less money than I thought we did. It sucks.

I watched "Bride & Prejudice" when I got home. It wasn't as good as I expected it to be, but I'm glad I finally saw it. Mark took a few pictures of me. I have 1 roll ready to go. Another nearly finished. The black & white roll in Mark's camera has about 9 pictures left on it. I'll hopefully be taking another color roll at Necto Monday night, as Mark will be going with me, and Kim may join us.

So, we're thinking about having the larger party September 9. I need to talk to Carrie about it though; I don't want to ruin any of her birthday plans. We'll see how that plays out. She's given her blessing, but she sometimes says things, almost in an insulting way. Not that she's insulting you, but she says a nice thing, while saying it in a way to point out that she's not happy, or she's pissed off, or that she doesn't mean what she's saying at all. And I want to be exactly sure of what she's feeling BEFORE I set this in stone. You know? I don't want her to be hurt in anyway because of my plans.

After pictures last night, I stopped by Aut Bar, but it was so dead that I promptly returned home. I thought a lot of people might be at Oz, but I sadly don't have any cash to get inside! I chatted online, but my heart wasn't in it. I read. And then I slept. I woke up around noon again, and wrote this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:46 PM
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I hate my new version of Adobie Photoshop. I can't even get the most simple things done in it. Half of the things that I used on a regular basis are just gone, or have moved somewhere where I can't find them. And many of the simplist tasks have become far too complex to be of any worth to me. Ugh! I just wanted to work on my webpage. And I can't. And it's pissing me off.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:43 PM
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   Friday, August 18, 2006

I did eventually get some work done on my webpage, Wednesday night/Thursday morning. I wrote 4 poems in that time, and got those posted. The final poem in that set, marked my 100th poem written in 2006. 2 of the new poems were inspired by Jeremy. I updated his page on my site, and updated some other things too. I also went to see my dad, but he didn't answer his door. I tried to go to bed early, but my acid reflux, which the new meds haven't helped with, was in overdrive, and I couldn't sleep, or do much of anything without suffering.

Thursday morning, I sent a long overdue e-mail to Jeremy. There was much on my mind, and we don't talk on the phone enough, or see each other in person, for all the things I'd like to tell him about. I don't think he reads my blog regularly anymore, which is understandable, as he's way busy, but I'm missing the communication we used to have, and that's ok. I sent him a fantastic, in depth e-mail, wich all kinds of things I'd had on my mind - and asked for a reply. And it was there, at the back of my mind all day.

Mark stayed home from work on Thursday. He got a lot of his shit done, and he talked about taking Friday off as well, so he could get the rest finished. I thought that would be great, because he'd get to visit with Janice and her kids, and he could take some great pictures of us all...

I worked on Thursday, and already sick of being sick, I stopped taking the new meds, and switched back to the old. The old ones were working when I switched, and there's no reason for me to switch when the old drugs are working; no reason to be sick, when I don't need to be. I was a bit worried for a second, about what the doctor would say, but then remembered he's an ass, and then never looked back again.

I worked with Heidi, and Jeff, Nate & Joe. Work was really dead, and we were way over on labor, so they gave me an hour lunch, which I took with Mark. After work, we got groceries, then when we got home, I watched more of Anne of Green Gables (the Sequel). Then I got up the energy to try my Dad again. Mark said he could go too, as he was done with his work, and so off we went. Dad was home, and brought his clothes that I've had in storage for over a year now. Dad's fridge was empty, and he didn't have any money. I gave him $10.00. I'm very short on money right now, which I'm sure I've mentioned, but I had to give him something. Of course he had us take him somewhere so he could buy cigarettes. We brought him to the condo, and he posed for some pictures with me. Then we took him to Meijer and Mark insisted on getting him some groceries. Mark was really great, and he was impressed that my dad was trying, as Mark had noticed through several subtle actions of my father. And my dad looked a bit better this time, than he did on our last visit. After groceries, I was exhausted, so Mark drove us back to Dad's where we packed away his groceries for him. Then he asked if we could give him a ride to Abe's (of course), which I did, as I knew how to drive there. Then I drove us to the Aut Bar, so I could see if R.M. was there, only he wasn't. Mark drove us home then, as I was so tired.

I checked my e-mail when I got home, and there was a brief response from Jeremy about the e-mail, saying he wanted to read his new poems, and send me a real reply to the message, but he had to run to work. The message was from the morning. I sent a response saying I looked forward to his real response. My left eye was hurting, but I thought maybe my eyes were just tired in general, and I went to bed.

The phone rang at 5:07am, but by the time I found it, they had hung up. The call was from Chris (Bryan's fiance), but I didn't call back right away, because my left eye felt swollen. Sure enough, I have a stye, in my left eye. My dad gets them really bad. I get them, every few months it seems, over the last year or two. I put hot compresses on them and eventually they go away on there own, usually after 2 or 3 days. They really suck though, and I find it hard to drive with one, because I have to squint at everything, and there's this constant pressure on my eye(s). Yuck. I'm glad I have 2 days off, to deal with them before I have to face work, but these things are so troublesome.

I called Chris back, and left her a message; letting her know that I hoped everything was ok, and that if not just give me a call back. I went back to sleep, but woke up several times, and applied a hot compress every time. I called Janice around 9am, when Mark announced that he'd be going to work today after all. That meant that Dad no longer had a ride. But when I was expressing the fact to Janice on the phone, Mark said he'd pick dad up for us on his lunch. So that's mostly dealt with.

Chris called while I was on the phone with Janice. Kayla had gone into labor sometime yesterday (I think), and they lost the baby. That's not exactly accurate, but I'm not clear on all the details, and don't want to publish them here anyways - long story short - there are strong emotions running rampant, and there's a lot of pain to go around.

I need to get ready.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:44 AM
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   Monday, August 21, 2006

Friday, spent a long day with Janice, Justin, Jordan, Jillian, Jonathan, and dad. It was mostly fun. I was really tired by the end of the visit though. When Mark got home from work, we drove Dad home, and then gave him a ride to Abe's. Jeremy & I had exchanged voicemails, and I gave him a call back, and he was drinking at Aut Bar. Mark & I joined him for dinner, though I abstained, as I was super tired and didn't want my stomach to be upset later. This was good too, except I started feeling a bit depressed.

It was a lot of stuff hitting me at once. There was the Alfaro Family tragedy. There was me getting to know Jeremy as he is, rather than as he was first presented to me. There was my visit with my father, where a lot of emotional shit came into play that I wasn't expecting. There was even some stuff between me & Janice. Then I also caught Mark & Jeremy in lies at the dinner table. And I was exhausted; physically, and emotionally. I went to bed as soon as I was able, but the feeling haunted me much of the weekend.

I worked on artwork and poetry for my webpage on Saturday, and I got a lot of stuff done. Mark & I were going to take pictures, but the timing between us was just off, and I was still feeling weird about a lot of stuff. Later, I hung out with my old friend Bill, and we wandered downtown, and it was nice, and relaxed. We were lovers once, and there was some comfortable hand holding, a few kisses, and some nice affection. It was very helpful. I know he wanted to have sex with me, but I'm going through a bit of a confusing time, and it didn't feel EXACTLY right. It might have been fine. I'm not sure. But when I'm sure, then I'll know.

Sunday, I continued working on stuff for my webpage. This messed up some stuff that Mark was working on, but Mark didn't think to tell me this in advance, and I never suspected that what I was doing would affect his work, so we were both understanding of the work falling apart, and there was no real drama about that.

There was however some drama over the shit I've been feeling this weekend. We had a long talk about stuff, and it was intense. This talk ended with me giving Mark a killer blowjob. 3 years, and 5 days since I last had sex with Mark. And 3 years, and 5 days since Mark has had sex. It was fun. And not weird at all. And it's still not weird. Which is nice.

I had to leave for work just after. Work was dead. I got to work with Heidi, Bill, and Nate; while Lindsey stopped by briefly. I got out on time, and put gas in the car, before going to the bank, and to Meijer to get more film. I'm going to Necto tonight, to see off Sandor. Kim & Jeremy aren't going, though Mark is, and I'm hoping to get some good pictures. I'm all about the pictures lately. I've been taking pictures all summer, but I'm trying get more 'naughty' type shots, as no Bald Jason update would be complete without those. ;-0)

I have Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday off. Tuesday night, will hopefully be movie night with Jeremy, which is what I requested as my birthday gift. I'm not sure what to watch yet. There are so many fun choices!!! ;-0) We'll see. I have no plans on Wednesday as of yet. I'm really tired though, so I'm going to get some sleep, or something.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:38 AM
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   Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Monday night, Mark & I went to Necto. I had a blast. Lots of fun pictures were taken. I got to see Sandor before he leaves for New York (with a wonderful kiss goodbye), and I got a final dance with Freedom, who won't be out & about for the foreseeable future! What a great night! I felt so ON. ;-0)

After the bar, I chatted at myspace with Shawn Foreman & Jeremy. Shawn was telling me how much he wants to see some pictures I've had taken, and also that he had forgotten how much he enjoys my webpage. He & Jonathan are going to try to attend the September 9th, Party. I had to go to bed eventually.

Tuesday, I got 4 rolls of film developed. Black & White is the way to go. It sucks they discontinued it for my camera. I'm hopeing to get many more arty/naked ones in B&W in the coming weeks. The Birthday Party pix were amusing, and I think I'll actually have to devote a page to them on my website, as mixing them in with the regular ones would be a bit odd, though I may mix and match them a little anyways. I got some really great pictures of me and my dad. My scanner is in the shop, so I can't scan any of them, which is annoying.

After Mark & I dropped off the film, we went to Little Caesars for lunch, which was yummy. It was nice just chatting with him, at one of our old haunts. It was all good. And I dropped him back at his work, so I could have the car to pick up my film, before coming to get him at 6pm.

Just before picking up my film, I went to Hollywood to drop off the Velvet Goldmine soundtrack for Bryan. I gave him a super GIANT sized Jason hug. He asked me if I'd talked to Robert, and said that he thought that Robert would probably enjoy hearing from me. Kyle was there too; he'd just had his wisdom teeth removed. We chatted for awhile, but Jeremy called, and I had to go get my pictures.

Jeremy was supposed to come over Tuesday evening for my promised birthday movie night fest... I prepared myself for a fun night. I also did laundry, cleaned my room, and set up the camera for a photo shoot; I set aside movies to watch, and pretty much centered my whole day around making everything perfect. Of course it wasn't. Jeremy had to cancel. He and Danny are having serious fights, and it was more important to fix that. Jeremy was bummed too; it sucked, but I told him he was right to fix things at home first... He wouldn't have had any fun with me otherwise, and if he had, then he'd have regretted it later, and I wouldn't want that...

So I stayed in. I read my book. I slept a bit. I watched "Heights" for the 2nd time, & now that I have, I know that I love it. And I realized that 3 of the movies I'd like Jeremy to see kind of form a thematic trilogy. It's really amazing when you see them in a certain order. I think they go together, splendidly. They compliment one another. They rock! And talk about dream casts! Combined, the 3 movies feature the likes of: J.J. Abrams, Gillian Anderson, Jesse Bradford, Ellen Burstyn, Stockard Channing, Patricia Clarkson, Glenn Close, Sean Connery, Bruce Davison, Hilary Duff, Anthony Edwards, Heather Graham, Anothony Michael Hall, Mary Beth Hurt, Angelina Jolie, Nastassja Kinski, Alec Mapa, James Marsden, Richard Masur, Ian McKellen, Jay Mohr, Amanda Peet, Ryan Phillippe, Dennis Quaid, Anthony Rapp, Isabella Rossellini, Gena Rowlands, Will Smith, Jon Stewart, Madeleine Stowe, Donald Sutherland, & Rufus Wainwright! Nice.

I'm soooooo tired.

I have no plans today, but it is my father's birthday. It's also my older sister's birthday. I was also due to be born on this day, but I was born early. Wacky, huh?

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:49 AM
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   Saturday, August 26, 2006

I read more on Wednesday; I had about 40 pages left in my book, and I was trying to make it last. I'm looking forward to reading a lot more in the near future. Later, Mark & I took some more black & white pictures. Bill called me earlier to see if I wanted to take some more pictures today, and I told him if I had time I'd let him know. I called him to see if maybe after Mark & I were finished, he could meet me at Aut Bar to take some sleezy/glam type pix in the restroom there, around midnight. He said sure, and I met him up there.

I'd noticed that Jeremy hadn't even read the 3 messages I'd sent him on varying topics that day yet, so I thought he was probably at Aut Bar, especially since he & Danny were fighting. Sure enough, his car was in it's parking space, and I found him upstairs, just getting ready to leave. He was with his friend, who is so cute, and always says hello to me; I gave him big hugs goodbye, and got Jeremy to join Bill & I. We took some pix in the bathroom, but they weren't going like I imagined, and we decided to go to Bill's for more.

Bill got hit on by a guy as we were leaving, so Jeremy & I went to my place where I showered and changed, and got my camera, and some clothes, before heading back to Aut Bar and stealing Bill away for our photo shoot. The guy that Bill had met seemed nice enought, with disturbingly long fingers. He seemed a bit toasted, and a bit interested in me, which made me feel uncomfortable. Bill was to call him after we were finished taking pictures.

Bill's condo was an interesting setup, and I thought it was a neat place to take pictures. Jeremy & Bill were there for me, to make my pictures awesome, I felt so supported. In addition to that, Jeremy & I are lovers, and we both love each other, and were recently boyfriends, while Bill & I care about each other, and had a very meaningful night together years ago. Also, I met them on exactly the same night, back in September of 2001. The pictures, which were meant to be sexy, became more & more about documenting our threesome. It was so much fun! It was comfortable, and silly, and very sexy. I had a great time, and I'm told (as if I needed to hear this, after seeing the evidence) that they both had great times as well. Bill has offered to take more pictures for me in the future (clothed & unclothed), which will surely be helpful for my webpage ;-0) And Jeremy is up for more pictures as well. As long as I'm single, I'm up for mostly anything too.

On a side note. I've really gotten to like condoms lately. It's not like I don't use them, but well...I've never enjoyed partners wearing them during oral sex. But lately, I kind of think it's hot. I don't know why, but surely it's a good thing, and for now, I find it very erotic. If people think this is Too Much Information, then they just shouldn't read this damned thing.

After the 'party' I drove Jeremy back to his car, while Bill went on a date with the guy from Aut Bar! Jeremy kept saying how much fun tonight had been, and I agreed. It was odd, because if someone had told me a month ago, that I'd be having sex with Jeremy AND another guy, and I'd be getting off on Jeremy getting off on that - well, let's just say I never expected this to happen, or for me to enjoy it as much as I did. I still have moments where Jeremy feels more like a boyfriend than a friend, and I get a bit jealous, but I think I'm mostly passed that, and we talk about it openly, which is really great. It was such a strange, random, fun kind of night, but I was really tired, and I wanted to shower again. I headed straight home after leaving Jeremy, and I showered, and tried to get some sleep (after looking at the pictures that Bill sent me home with, on disc; more than 100!).

Thursday, work was beyond dead. I worked with Pat & Matt, which was odd, as I seldom work with them during the week. But it was a nice day, and we got a lot done, and were very relaxed, and smiley. I got my film developed from the night before; the black & white pictures Mark had taken, and they were stunning. I'm not just being vain here; they're beautiful because of the way they were taken, and the lighting and everything. Mark is so talented. I feel so lucky to know him, and have him as my photographer! And I'm proud of him too.

After work, I picked up Mark, we went Meijer to get a shirt I wanted, then the post office, the bank, and home. I slept briefly, and then went to the Aut Bar when I chatted with bar friends. I met this guy named Gary in passing; there was a great moment, involving a fantastic hug, and looking at each other, and...wow. It was nice. I went home, read some more, and went to sleep.

Friday I was on time for work, but Mark dropped me off, which meant I had to work over, so I took a long lunch. I worked with DJ, Bryan, Jeff, Matt, Pat & Heidi. My cousins Eileen & Monty stopped in just before I was going to leave, and we talked about tons of stuff, and they met Mark; I love those guys! My new scanner had a arrived, so I was in a hurry to get home, only this new scanner was worse than the last one!!! I was so tired; exhausted really...

We decided we'd go to Best Buy and get a new scanner from there. But as we were getting ready, Chris called, and said that she & Bryan were just up the road. They had attempted to go to a jazz fest, but it looked lame, and had thought maybe they'd come visit us. I quickly invited them along with us, and they said sure. It was another random, impromptu kind of night. We got a new scanner, from compUSA and then went to Big Boys. All of this was filled with fun conversation, and the welcome relaxation that comes from spending time with friends. I had cheese sticks. I used to love cheese sticks many years ago, and apparently I still do. The waiter was cute, and fun was had by all. I was still really tired though...and when we dropped them off at their car (after hugs, of course), I was ready for bed.

Only I didn't go to bed. The scanner. Problems. But we worked out some stuff, and I was able to scan a few pictures for myspace; it's too bad I can't post naked pictures there, because some of these nudes are really fricking hot!

I finished reading my book, and tried to get some sleep. I did sleep. But I don't feel like I did. I'm very tired, and I'm glad I have the day off. I close tomorrow, and then I work on Tuesday, but I have the rest of the week off. I'm having surgery on Thursday, & it will probably be nothing, but I'm a little nervous about it anyways. Hopefully all goes well. I'm having movie night with Jeremy on Wednesday. Mark needs the car on Monday. I'll probably go to Necto Monday night, but beyond that I don't really have any plans. At least I don't think I do.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:00 PM
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   Sunday, August 27, 2006

I scanned 2 rolls of pictures today. I started another book. I took a brief nap, I think. I ate. I just feel so out of it today, and I don't know why. I've been extra clumsy, making 2 horrific messes that could have been far worse than they ended up being, but only by the smallest amount of luck.

I'm leaving the condo. Probably to Aut Bar, and maybe to Meijer to see if Yvette is there. I just want to get out of here for awhile. I invited Mark, as it would be nice to spend some time with him, and though he's getting a headache, I offered him pain pills and then he was in ;-0)

I tried calling Mollie to see if she'd like to join us, as I believe she thought she had Sunday off, but she didn't answer. We'll see how the night plays out...

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:04 AM
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   Thursday, August 31, 2006

Worked Sunday night. Nothing spectacular that I can remember. Monday night I went to Necto, but I wasn't feelinger great, and went home early. I had been invited to an after party that I really hoped to attend, but then realized I had like ZERO energy. Tuesday I worked. My acid reflux was in overdrive, and continued on into Wednesday. Wednesday it eventually calmed down, which was good, as Jeremy came over and spent the day (or most of it) with me. We had great sex (he said I've taken the #1 position on his list of great fucks. lol - I also hold the #3 position for a previous encounter. lol), and really good conversation...good food, and just a good time over all. I'd write all of this out in more detail, but I'm still kind of foggy from my surgery, I think, which was today. I will say that Jeremy looks hotter everytime I see him. ;-0) And while we're not a couple, my relationship with him, and how it has evolved is a great source of pleasure for me. And he looks good in my clothes. And I like watching him, watching other things.

I was a little late for my surgery, but it was fine, and it went fine. They were only going to biopsy me if there was something out of the ordinary, and they did biopsy me, so I'm really glad that I requested this procedure, because it would NOT have been done otherwise. I don't know when I'll get my test results back though. Jeremy had offered to cancel his clients and go with me to the hospital, but Mark was already here, and ready to go. And Jeremy also called me later to find out how everything went. The only other friend to do so, was Mollie.

So...Geek that I am, I'm super excited to learn that the rumblings I've been hearing in the Trek groups are true, and Classic Trek will be on television again with New Special Effects, that fix errors and strenthen the show. And the neat thing is, all of the old versions are available on DVD and have aired for 40 years, so nobody has to feel upset that the older version isn't available, the way Star Wars fans have had to feel for years now. I'm stoked about this, and I keep thinking about it. Mostly since we saw Classic Trek settings with Modern effects (looking spectacular) in TNG's "Relics", DS9's "Trials & Tribble-ations" and the Enterprise Mirror Universe duology "In A Mirror Darkly, Parts I & II". I love Classic Trek, but it's harder to take it seriously as the 'special effects' are so beyond dated. This could actually help me, and many others, enjoy the series more. ;-0) You can see the tv-guide story about this update here.

I have a slight headache. I'm going to take something for that, and I'll most likely stop by Aut Bar later. It seems later than it is; I slept a lot today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:54 PM
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