Monday, February 1, 2010

I just got a message from my old friend Adam. Apparently an old blog entry that gave his full name mentioned that we had sex and he wanted me to change it, not out of shame, but simply because it's so accessible to people that could use it against him or something? I did so, and found cute new nick-name for him in the process. I hope that works out for him. I know that search engines can take a while to let go of that stuff even after it's been changed.

I did laundry today. I took out the trash and the recycles. I ate. I shaved off almost all of my body hair; I can be random sometimes! I went to the pharmacy twice; well two different stores. I picked up LC for me and Mark. I watched the first half of the 2nd episode of Spartacus, which was packed with full frontal male nudity - which I enjoyed because we got all the female nudity last week and it's nice that it's balanced. There was also some lesbian / bi girl action last week and this week, and I've heard there will be a gay male character. Nice. I'm loving my LGBT inclusive shows. Which, by the way, includes the now finished Dollhouse, and the only just begun, Caprica.

Michael is at home doing his laundry, but will be coming over after that for cuddles and Caprica. Though I'm guessing we'll be sleeping before the episode is over. No worries. I've seen it before and I'm sure I'll be putting it on disc for him soon.

Oh...and speaking of Caprica and LGBT inclusion, here's a really great interview with Jane Espenson about it, though be warned that there are some spoilers about upcoming episodes. Check it out!

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:06 AM
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   Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Michael came over around 3:30am Monday morning. We watched Caprica 1x02 "Rebirth", which I enjoyed even more the 2nd time around. We slept, cuddled and slept; spending time together, so comfortable and nice. He left around 1pm. Mark worked out. I snacked and got lost in my head for the rest of the day, with brief exchanges between myself and Michael; myself and Mark. I missed my nephews concert, thinking it was next Monday. I missed Necto, lost in my head again. Not lost in a bad way...Just chilling.

I watched some Desperate Housewives and 2 scenes from the episode "If..." made me cry. I'm 3 episodes behind on the show now.

I so need to sleep.

Chris and Amy are planning on watching all of BSG 4.5 today. That includes:

4x11 Sometimes A Great Notion
4x12 A Disquiet Follows My Soul [Extended]
BSG: The Face of the Enemy
4x13 The Oath
4x14 Blood on the Scales
4x15 No Exit
BSG: The Plan [Uncut Extended]
4x16 Deadlock
4x17 Someone To Watch Over Me
4x18 Islanded in a Stream of Stars [Extended]
4x19 Daybreak [Extended]

Chris plans on bringing back my dvds on Wednesday. Michael plans on being here Wednesday night, and we can watch "The Plan" together. Then Mark can watch it. Then I'll loan it to DJ. It also occurs to me that Mollie has never seen The Plan. Hmmm. I should send her a copy with the new Caprica episodes.

Speaking of Caprica, here's a promo I just stumbled on that I'd never seen before:

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:54 AM
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   Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Tuesday was odd. I worked out. I freaked out (about Michael possibly hooking up, though I have no clue if he did or not). I chilled. I ate. I chatted. I caught up on Desperate Housewives (which cheered me up). I burned discs for Mollie, Pat & Cara.

And I just stumbled on some really weird stuff. Check these out:

Oh. Also found out that Caprica will be taking a week off after Friday's episode, which I'm very unhappy about!

Michael is coming over sometime on Wednesday to chill with me while David moves the fuck out. We're going to watch Battlestar Galactica: The Plan.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:28 AM
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   Thursday, February 4, 2010

Doctor Who Titles

5x01 The Eleventh Hour [Confirmed!]
5x02 The Beast Below [Confirmed!]
5x03 Victory of the Daleks [Confirmed!]
5x04 The Time of Angels [Part I]
5x05 Flesh and Stone [Part II]
5x06 The Vampires of Venice
5x07 ???
5x08 The Ground Beneath Their Feet [Part I]
5x09 Cold Blood [Part II]
5x10 Vincent and the Doctor
5x11 ???
5x12 The Pandorica Opens [Part I]
5x13 ??? [Part II]
5x14 (2010 Christmas Special)

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:37 AM
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   Sunday, February 7, 2010

Wednesday / Thursday were a bit rough with a bitchy Michael visiting...it was seriously not fun. It started when I found him looking for sex online, and went downhill from there. There were good moments, and inbetween moments, but it mostly had to do with Michael thinking I might be better off without him in my life, so he was trying to push me away...I think. It was weird. I did enjoy watching "The Plan" with him; much more enjoyable the 2nd time around. I got a lot more of the symbolism, which I shared with Mark after he watched it. As a movie it's kind of lame; as a special episode of the show it's pretty fucking cool.

Lots of stomach upset on Thursday-Saturday. Cutting a lot of the sugar out of my diet is not fun. Mix that with the randomness of eating and pill popping and add in my crazy emotional state of late and you have tummy troubles.

I visited Michael on Friday (after my productive plans for the day were quashed and I was awakened from dreams of Ian) to talk to him about us. We're not a couple, yet we're like a couple in that we're working on stuff and trying to get to a place where we can be a couple again. But I basically said that what I want is a guy that's faithful to me even when he desires others because he loves me so it means more with me... And he's not that guy right now. I also said that I didn't want him not having sex on my account, because I don't want to be hurting him by stopping him; I'd rather he were as happy as he can possibly be; I love him that much. He said I wasn't hurting him and he wasn't interested in sex with other people at the moment. That lasted about 24 hours.

I slept from about 1:30am to like 4pm. I took a muscle relaxant and just slept and slept and it was wonderful. I hopped online later and Michael was looking for sex again, very nearly hooking up with Dave even though I was told I could come over anytime that night and I had offered just before the Dave things went into overdrive. Ugh. Hello to the pain. I called him and talked it out, and later joined him for a Roseanne marathon, cuddles, some sexy time (which hurt my jaw, and hurt me on a level that I can't quite express here - I really miss sucking dick. It must sound silly but it's killing me.), and more cuddles...I left him asleep in his bed to go grocery shopping on my way home. He was back online looking again when I got hom. :-0( I'm not enough for him. Even with romantic cuddle time. Not sure what to think about that as I've been invited for a sleep over there tonight. Not sure about much right now.

Did the farm thing. I came home so I could eat, but the events of the night made that kind of impossible. Erg.

I still haven't watched the new Caprica or Spartacus. I did manage to watch an episode of LOST this week and the first episode of The Vampire Diaries - which was really weird because they've changed so much from the books.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:24 AM
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I slept. I spoke to Michael on the phone as he drove to work. I updated my Manhunt profile and responded to messages. I read more of the 2nd Abarat book; I read so slowly lately. I played my farm town game; I usually say I worked on it, but it's merely the illusion of work...a game disguised as work; it's not easy exactly, but it's not work. I watched the 3rd episode of Spartacus; it's getting better I think. I've still not watched Caprica...possibly saving it to watch with Michael...I'm not sure. My stomach feels a bit odd today...perhaps I've not had enough to eat? Or too much? I don't know. I had some chocolate in my room, which I got rid of. Trying to cut back on sugar / chocolate isn't easy, but I'm managing to show some restraint. I wonder if Mollie, Pat & Cara got the Whoniverse dvds I sent them? If my stomach settles I may work out today. Oh. And I'm starting to miss having money. I want to buy things. :-0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:38 PM
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Showered. Shaved. Prepared. Packed. Ready for a night at Michael's. Starting to wonder if the 'dating' Michael thing is going to work or not. Maybe it will; he's hooked up with guys since we broke up and I seem to be ok with that, but it's not what I want for us...for me. And I could hook up for sure, but part of me feels like I'm betraying him if I do. It's on my mind.

That and god. Sex & god. Not what a Christian would think of as god I think; more like the universe...something like that.

Anyways.

I'm hungry.

Wonder what time Michael will be heading home from work? Maybe I could meet him at home?

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:56 PM
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   Monday, February 8, 2010

Made it out to Michael's last night before Michael did. Chilled. We ate and then camped out in his living room watching 'Charmed' (don't give me that look!) and 'Roseanne'. We had lots of conversation, and we had sex too (protected), which was healing in a lot of ways. Took a while to get to sleep.

My phone woke me up around 10am. Grandma telling me my little sister Jamie was in a car accident and was at Saint Jo's. Michael lives a few miles from there so I got dressed and went over to see her, not sure she'd be happy to see me, yet she seemed to be. Her husband was there. I went out to call Grandparents / Janice / Mark with an update and our grandparents showed up. Later I called our mother who hadn't been informed yet. Jamie has a fractured tibia and is in some pain; her car is totalled, but the accident wasn't her fault. She's staying with our grandparents for the next few days.

Came home. Called Michael with an update. Showered. Waiting for Mark to shower so we can go to this worker school thing ("No Worker Left Behind") so we can get info about possibly going to school for jobs in demand; but it's just an info run. I have to stop by Michael's and pick up my stuff, though I might see him later; possibly going to Necto tonight, though I'm not sure how I'll be feeling about that as I think I only got about 4 hours sleep.

About 'Charmed'. I want to watch it with Michael. It's something that he loves, and after the HORRIBLE pilot, the other episodes are...less terrible, and it's cute to see his reactions to them. It's not something I would have pursued on my own. I did notice they referenced a lesbian (Rosie O'Donnel) though the show is set in San Francisco and apparently never has a single gay character in the course of it's 8 seasons. Anyways, I'd like to view the whole series with him if I could; I think it could be a fun Michael / Jason thing.

Our relationship is very odd; Michael & I. We're basically in an open relationship, though we're not officially a couple...only I've never wanted to be in an open relationship as I find it hard to juggle men; it confuses me emotionally. And there are other things...like him hooking up hurts me, and if I hooked up and he knew about it, it would hurt him too. Isn't that fucked up? I don't know. More thoughts and conversations will surely follow.

I should go. I wish my comforter was here; I could take a nap.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:55 PM
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   Wednesday, February 10, 2010

So, continuing on Monday, Mark & I headed out to this 'No Worker Left Behind' place, where I thought we'd be collecting pamphlets and booklets and paperwork; information type stuff. I even asked why we didn't just get this from the website but Mark said there wasn't a lot of info there. When we got there, it was revealed to me that this would be a stand in line, wait for possibly long periods of time to chat with people and set it all up kind of deal - which my quickly emerging migrain / upset stomach was not allowing for...which I believe pissed off Mark, and possibly inspired him to drive like a crazy person, to the point that I feared for our lives (though in his defense, he wasn't the only person driving dangerously). I left him at the shell station near Michael's; walking the rest of the way as I didn't feel safe riding with him, and couldn't drive because of the pain in my head.

I went to Michael's; told him what was up, and took my pain killer, not really expecting Mark to join us, though he did. I ate and took one of my eating pills to help the Midrin do it's thing and was soon extremely sleepy. I passed out a few times while Mark & Michael watched the first Charlie's Angels movie. Later we all went to Target, Whole Foods and Kroger...the day improving dramatically. We dropped Mark off at the condo, and headed back to Michael's where we watched episode of Charmed and started another one before I passed out again, sleeping from around 7pm, to 11pm, and then until 4am. I did some online stuff and read my book a bit while I ate, eventually getting back to sleep for an hour or so before Michael rose at noon. We ate and showered and dressed. It had snowed, and continued to snow. Michael's belly was troubling him so I put my stuff in my car and warmed it up while I cleaned the snow off of Michael's, before we both left; me for him, and Michael to work (not realizing that he would be more than an hour early, as he didn't need to be there until 3pm).

The drive home was long and dull; driving 45 or so on the expressway. No accidents; everyone seemed to be driving responsibly. I made it home ok. I called Michael. We spoke for awhile. He called me again later to tell me that Tracy, his former neighbor, who'd lived across the street from him in Taylor (and who was the mother of two daughters whom I'd met in passing, and had taken in Jesse when Michael threw him out for not paying his rent) had died that morning in a car accident when she was struck by a dump truck, killing her instantly. The odd thing is, she apparently died on the expressway near where Michael lives now. So sad.

I later watched the latest episode of Caprica (1x03 "Reins of a Waterfall") which I enjoyed. Love the gay stuff. Love the avatar stuff. Love the possible apotheosis connection to Battlestar. Loved seeing a BSG actor (or two) in different roles on Caprica ["This has all happened before and will happen again"]. Having said that, the series is moving at a snails pace and would be (like BSG before it) better enjoyed in a massive DVD viewing IMO. Also, the ratings are going so well from what I hear, and I fear we'll only have 1 season of this amazing series!

I slept for a bit. Dreamt of childhood wanderings...and Caprica. I responded to messages on Manhunt; making a few friends on there I think. I worked on my farm. I spoke to Travis & Michael on the phone. I talked to Mark. Later, compared some BSG / Caprica stuff:

"Apotheosis was the beginning before the beginning" - The Hybrid from BSG: The Plan

And this from Caprica:

"My life is dedicated to serving Soldiers of The One. And the Zoe Graystone Avatar is gonna help the soldiers to serve the lord through apotheosis; do you deny that prophecy?" - Clarice to an unseen person.

"Not everyone shares your view of apotheosis." Unseen person to Clarice.

a·poth·e·o·sis
n. pl. a·poth·e·o·ses

1) Exaltation to divine rank or stature; deification.

2) Elevation to a preeminent or transcendent position; glorification: "Many observers have tried to attribute Warhol's current apotheosis to the subversive power of artistic vision" (Michiko Kakutani).

3) An exalted or glorified example: Their leader was the apotheosis of courage.

Hmmmmmm. ;-0)

Downloaded some tv stuff:

Being Human 2x05
Heroes 4x19 Brave New World (season finale)
Lost 6x03 What Kate Does
Ugly Betty 4x12 Blackout!
Ugly Betty 4x13 Chica and the Man

I've only seen the first 2 episodes of Being Human's 1st 6 episode season; Season 2 will be 8 episodes long. I've not watched Heroes since the start of Season 3 and don't care to; these are for Michael. I've figured out that I need to watch 5 episodes of LOST a week to be ready for the finale on May 23. I've not watched Ugly Betty since mid Season 3, but Season 4 will be the last and I have all the episodes I've not seen, so I might dive back into that sometime soon. Mollie might be interested in all of these.

Checked out the new AVP game, which comes out February 16. I wants it!

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:52 AM
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I watched some of the BSG miniseries this morning. It was neat to see all the stuff going on that only makes sense going back after watching everything else. I spoke to Michael. I slept. I had calming sexual dreams involving a road trip, sex with friendly strangers, and in the end, dressing in the outside summertime with clothes from my car; the clothes I wore the last time I slept with Michael before I learned the truth.

I woke up to find Michael on Manhunt, and gave him permission to look for a blowjob online; I even helped. I thought this all felt fine, though I was getting a terrible headache / jaw pain. When Michael's partner was on his way to Michael's apartment, I took a hot shower to try to dull the pain that the painkiller could not...and broke down crying. My jaw is broken...I'm broken. The little boy inside me knows I'm being punished for what I've done, even while the adult sees that this isn't so. He's laughing at me. And I fear I'm losing my mind...and that the only way to win such a battle is to die.

And the man I love was getting his cock sucked by someone who doesn't love him, while I cried in the shower, because I'd give anything to be sucking cock right now...and eating and laughing and singing and yawning without pain....crying because I know that with a moment's courage all my pain could stop. Weeping for feeling so horrible for wanting to die when it would hurt so many people that love me. Mark heard me and came inside and listened, and comforted, and held...

Still crying now. I lay in bed in the dark for awhile. Michael was supposed to text me when he was done. I was hoping to talk to him about my jaw and the mess I was feeling. Eventually I texted him, but he was fine, having forgotten me in his after orgasm rush; said he was relaxing in his 'alone time', which translates as he doesn't want to talk to me and he doesn't want to see me.

I keep drying the tears...and then they return.

And today is my grandmother's birthday.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:13 PM
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   Thursday, February 11, 2010

I spoke to Michael on the phone soon after the last entry, and again broke down crying. I had to let him go, but he was sweet. Later we argued (I found out Benjamin had texted him for sex that night, which he lamely turned down because of weather and stuff - and that Ben had his # because Michael texted him the night we broke up when he was pissed) and he hung up on me; twice. I got dressed and went to his apartment where things were more relaxed. I tried to eat, but our conversation upset my stomach. He tried to help with my headache, massaging my neck. We eventually had a relaxing and healing kind of sexual encounter. We watched Roseanne. My head was still killing me, but the 5th (and final dose allowed in 24 hours) midrin did the trick and my headache was gone. Michael went to sleep, but I was wide awake. I was gonna leave around 4:30, but Michael asked me to stay longer. I left around 6am. I got home ok, chatted with Mark briefly, sent some messages, and then chatted online with Paul about our ex-bfs, BSG / Caprica, and the horrors of my jaw injury. It was nice.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:33 AM
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My farm should be ready to harvest fairly soon. Chatted a bit with Jay & Bradlee. I'm sleepy. I'll hopefully get some rest today. Yesterday was super stressful / painful, and I'd rather today not be more of the same.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:38 AM
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Slept a bit. Did the farm thing. Got a sweet voicemail from Michael. Wanked. Showered. Ate. Read an interview with Sam Adama himself, Sasha Roiz; he seems really cool. I love that we have another gay / bi male character in sci-fi. Who else have we had? Louis Hoshi & Felix Gaeta (BSG), Pretty much every male character on Torchwood, and several sprinkled throughout Doctor Who - but I'm liking the Sam Adama thing A LOT and hope the show lasts more than a season; but even if it doesn't, it's pretty wonderful so far. Also read some BS about Caprica bringing in some BSG storylines involving The Final Five and the Lucy Lawless model (#3), which make no sense whatsoever, so I suspect they're just flat out lies, though if they could find some way to incorporate more BSG themed stuff I love that kind of crossover appeal - plus, some flashforwards to the First Cylon War would be nice.

I really didn't sleep that long and will probably take a nap soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:48 PM
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I missed another call from Michael; he left me a worried voicemail, to which I texted a response not to worry and that everything was ok.

I found an episode list for Caprica 1.0:

1x01 Caprica (Pilot Episode)
1x02 Rebirth
1x03 The Reins of a Waterfall
1x04 Gravedancing 02/19
1x05 There is Another Sky 02/26
1x06 Know Thy Enemy 03/05
1x07 The Imperfections of Memory 03/12
1x08 Ghosts in the Machine 03/19
1x09 End of Line 03/26

Cool. The last title was something that Sam Anders as Galactica Hybrid said several times.

It's also rumored that the new season of Doctor Who will begin airing April 3, which if true, means Doctor Who will pick up just 8 days after the mid-season-finale of Caprica. Nice. Caprica 1.5 is rumored to begin airing in October.

Starting to consider working on my DCAU page, which I've left untouched since the revelation that Michal cheated on me (September 7, 2009).

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:17 PM
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My belly is a bit upset.

Listening to the new Sade.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:15 PM
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   Friday, February 12, 2010

Belly feels better, though I just ate so I'm trying to be all calm and stuff. I watched episode 2 of the Vampire Diaries. I left Michael a voicemail. Might watch some Smallville, or read. I feel good being on my own today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:31 AM
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Spoke to Michael on his way home from work, then took a nap. Feel a bit out of it now. Not sure what I'll get up to.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:53 AM
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Michael called. We ended up having a very emotional conversation...about me moving on and him not wanting to lose me...and I was very honest and upfront, and didn't cry, and it didn't feel good exactly, but it felt necessary. He eventually hung up on me, crying and saying he loved me and that he's sorry. I don't want to lose him either. I really don't. But I don't want to be hurting all the time, and I don't want to be the obsessive crazy person I've been for the last 5 months.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:53 AM
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Michael and I spoke again a bit later. Another amazing conversation, yet it ended with him asking me to be his boyfriend again, and hanging up. I told him no. Not because I don't love him, because I do. Not because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him, because I do. But because nothing has changed. He said that if I was around him more than he wouldn't get the alone feeling and act out by fucking other guys...but I can't be wondering what he's doing all the time when I'm not around. I did that for 4.5 months and it was hell. But I love him, and will do whatever I can to make our lives easier. If he'll go to therapy that would be something that would convince me to be with him again. I told him so, and he hung up on me.

I'm planning on going to his apartment in a bit to cuddle with him, and reassure him that while nothing has changed for the better to allow us to be a couple again, nothing has changed for the worse and we don't need to lose the relationship we've been developing the last few weeks. Does that make me weak? I don't know.

I'm mixing a cd now for the car.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:15 AM
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   Saturday, February 13, 2010

After the last entry I drove over to Michael's and quietly slipped into bed with him. He sleepily asked me why I was there, and I explained that while I turned down his offer to be boyfriends again because nothing has changed, that I was there for the very same reason: nothing has changed. I still love him. I still hope for a future together. I still want to spend time with him. Nothing has changed. Only it has, because he's been a bit distant since then. And while he hasn't been cruel, he's just been different. He left that afternoon around 2:30pm, with me following soon after. I left him a note that said I Love You. I drove home, stopping at Kroger for some groceries. I ate. I slept. I didn't go to the bar as I suspected I would. I talked to Michael on the phone later and that was slightly better until I got a text from a guy I've been chatting with, which I think upset Michael, as he no longer felt like talking. Later I talked to the other guy (Jason is his name) on the phone. He's nice. He's 31; he got outed last year, though he's been comfortable with who he is for a few years. He has 2 brothers; older and younger; I think both have kids. His parents are both pastors. He works at a hospital. It was just a nice, friendly conversation...something that shouldn't be anything at all, only I did feel slightly guilty afterward; like I had betrayed Michael somehow - which given all the men he's stuck his dick inside of since he met me, is insane! Yet it was there. I spazzed and called him and told him about the guy and told him I loved him, but he didn't feel like talking so I let him go.

I spent Saturday morning catching up on Smallville, watching 7 hours of the mostly fantastic 9th Season. Smallville is a strange show in that it's entertaining, and I enjoy it, and yet I have a hard time recommending it to anyone, as it's kind of stupid at the same time. It's not like that all the time; sometimes it's really, really enjoyable, but you have to put up with a lot to get to those points. I remember Season 5 feeling a bit weak, but then the show was much improved in Season 6. Season 7 was nearly unbearably bad in my opinion, and though I kept watching, I hoped that it would be cancelled. But then Season 8 was my favorite so far (despite it having a really disappointing finale), and Season 9 has (mostly) continued the greatness of Season 8 IMO; even taking storylines I disliked in the past (Zod) and giving them a fresh spin - and introducing still more DC superheroes and making them work. It's been a great run, but I'm hoping they get a 10th Season; the story calls for it.

I slept. I woke up around 2pm and called Michael who was on his way to work; he usually calls me around then, but was busy thinking of how to talk to his boss about a transfer; I let him go, but he seemed so distant again; I hope he's ok. I had some really cool, really odd, really sexual, yet amusing dreams, about going to church with some friends (and a cathedral in the Meijer parking lot) before spending time at the home of friends, who offered me gay porn in sweet Mary Poppins like tones. lol. It was funny, and I woke up cheered by the thoughts. I farmed. I texted Michael & Jason (the latter having texted while I was asleep). I wrote this and texted some more. I spoke to Mark briefly and took my prilosec. I'm gonna eat, and shower and shave. I might get Michael a card / rose and take it with me to his apartment tonight (he's my valentine), when I take him the latest bill for my bite guard, and his latest (2) tv discs which feature new (or new-to-him) episodes of Heroes, Lost, Pushing Daisies, Smallville, Spartacus & Vampire Diaries.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:01 PM
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I watched the latest (extremely violent) episode of Spartacus (1x04 "The Thing in the Pit"), which included some man on man fucking. It was nice that it was included, and nicer when the annoying gay gladiator said something nice about the hero of the show, and his young lover demonstrated that's he's hot for Spartacus. I showered, but didn't shave as I ran out of hot water fairly quickly; I'll have to shave later. I burned one of Michael's new tv discs; 1 more to go. I'm harvesting and planting my farm, then I'll start the next disc, and then I may read a bit before shaving? Not sure.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:42 PM
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My Great Uncle George, my Grandmother's brother-in-law was taken to the VA Hospital not that long ago, suffering some paralysis. Hopefully he'll be ok. I'll try to visit him tomorrow. He's always been extremely kind to me, and has always had a big smile on his face. ;-0)

Here is the new We Are The World video:

Wow.

I need to shave and burn that 2nd disc; get moving.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:29 PM
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   Sunday, February 14, 2010

Discs are done. Mostly shaved (electric razor; doing the real razor next). Cleaned my room instead of reading.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:02 AM
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   Monday, February 15, 2010

Went to Michael's Sunday morning, stopping at Kroger on the way for some Valentine's Day gifts (Candle, Fake Rose, Card, Teddy Bear) + some crunchy cheetos for Mark. Made it to the apartment before Michael; he loved the gifts and the time we spent together. Later told me that it was wonderful to have me there before he got home, and after he left for work. We played some Wii before bed. I took a flexeral for my jaw and was out like a light; sleeping 2 more hours after Michael left for work. I came home and pretty much slept all day, except for a period in which I watched the 3rd episode of Being Human. I had meant to visit my Uncle George in the hospital, but it was too late by the time the drug was out of my system. Later I talked to Mollie on the phone, which was fantastic; I love her so much! Then I also talked to Michael, who says he's giving up sex for awhile and that he wants only me, and that he understands my doubts but he wants the chance to prove it to me - but wants us to go real slow. Sounds good. I hope it's true. I'm gonna do my damndest not to get hurt though. We'll see what happens. I wanked and showered, and decided to stay in tonight as I'd forgotton a dose of my prilosec. I chatted, and read the news and listened to music. It was nice, but I'm gonna get away from the computer for a bit.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:45 AM
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   Thursday, February 18, 2010

Monday night I went grocery shopping with Mark at Meijer & Kroger; at Meijer I got to visit with Karen. We also went to Vault of Midnight where I got some Buffy issues that I'll be needing next month, when the 6th graphic novel comes out (not including 'Tales of the Vampires', 'Fray' or 'Tales of the Slayers', which are also important to Season 8) I started rereading Buffy Season 8 (I forgot so much of it - how are all those people tied into Twilight, and now that I know who Twilight is, the secret of which was ruined for me Monday as well, I'm completely lost!), chatted online, chilled, talked to Michael, talked to Mark, and eventually slept.

About Buffy. Season 8 has centered on a masked man known as Twilight; his real identity has remained a mystery throughout the season and will be revealed in the comics in April I believe, but the cat's already out of the bag; for anyone not wanting to know who this big bad is I suggest you skip the rest of this entry, and avoid the covers to every issue of Buffy for the next 8 months (I'm pretty sure Season 8 ends in October). Here's some spoiler space:

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Ok.

Twilight = ANGEL. Whoa. I didn't think they could use the Angel character in Buffy so I never even considered him. Then there are all the things he can do (like fly) which make it seem unlikely. Also, he's already been the big bad (in Season 2) and we've never had a repeat offender. But even with the reveal...there are so many questions to answer. I suspect these answers will be even more fun than the reveal is, or would have been, had it not been spoiled for me. Here are a few upcoming covers; the first two are from Twilight, Part III & Twilight, Part IV. I believe the 3rd image will be the cover of the 7th Buffy Season 8 graphic novel, but don't quote me on that. lol

Apparently, the storyline of Angel Season 6 will be augmented so this Buffy storyline will make sense and bring both comic-verses into one single continuity. That's cool. But it makes the Angel comics more imporant after I'd already written them off. There are 7 Angel Graphic Novels, 1 of which I already have; with more to follow, I'm sure. Here are the volumes in the order that I think they're supposed to go, though I'm not completely sure:

Ok. Moving on.

Tuesday I worked on my DCAU page, went to the pharmacy to return some stuff and pick up some perscriptions, then went to Michael's where I stayed until this morning. During the visit we talked a lot, watched a lot of Roseanne, had fun cuddling in his tiny bed, I got more groceries for myself (including some stuff I've never tried before - go me) and we mostly had a great time, except that Sean Mobley called and needs a visit, and Michael is uber worried and jealous. Erg. But besides that, I think it was time well spent.

Speaking of Sean. He's back living in Detroit with his dad (Clinton Township, East Side of Detroit). He apparently moved to Nebraska for a bit, where he got involved with a married man and did some meth; he got scared and came back home. He sounds really freaked out (and he's not using). I told him I'd try to visit today, but I'm wonding if tomorrow or Saturday might be better. I'll see how the day plays out. I'm tired, but can't sleep as of yet.

Also, apparently after I spoke to Mollie on the phone the other day (Sunday?) she had a seizure, fell and broke 2 bones in her arm, 2 in her wrist, some in her hand, and one of her fingers!?! Ugh. Mollie has the worst luck of anyone that I know...and she doesn't deserve it. :-0(

Doctor Who is definitely airing in April of this year (it's been confirmed by the BBC), and most people are guessing it will start Saturday, April 3; about 6 weeks from now, and just 8 days after the mid-season finale of Caprica ("End of Line"). It's been all but confirmed that the opening episode ("The Eleventh Hour") will be an hour long special which I think is perfect as it's basically "The End of Time, Part III"; lets just hope it doesn't suck as much as the first 2 parts. There will be a new trailer for the season this Saturday (in the UK) which I'm hoping I'll get to see. There's also this new official promo picture:

Will that freaky new Time Vortex be part of the new opening credits?

There are new episodes of Caprica, Smallville & Spartacus tomorrow night; 3 of the shows that I'm actually all caught up on. There's a cool article here explaining Sam Adama's tattoos on Caprica (they really do all mean something; cool). Glee begins airing new episodes Tuesday, April 13.

I'm tired, but kind of in the mood to watch more LOST. Perhaps I shall. I've been hearing that the writers have been answering some of the show's many questions in the currently airing last season. I hope they're worth it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:29 AM
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I worked on mine & Michael's farms. I listened to a nice (if odd) mix of The Cure (which I'm really enjoying a lot this week) plus the new Sade, with some old Pat Benatar & some recent Jordan Sparks thrown in as well. I talked to Michael on the phone, downloaded the new Lost, and preordered the combined soundtracks to Battlestar Galactica: The Plan / Razor, which comes out on Tuesday. The Apocalypse theme from 'The Plan' is so cool it's worth the price of the entire cd alone:

With this purchase I'll have a complete set of all the soundtracks released so far.

Though I was disappointed by The Plan the first time I saw it, I've grown to like it more with each viewing, as an extra episode of the series (tucked between "No Exit" & "Deadlock"), just as I've always enjoyed "Razor" tucked between "Downloaded" & "Lay Down Your Burdens, Part I". Interesttingly The Plan begins and ends with scenes taking place in "Lay Down Your Burdens, Part II", but shouldn't be watched there by first time viewers or it gives away almost all the twists and turns of plot; ruining the big chunk of Seasons 3 & 4.

I'm pretty sure I'm getting a sty in my right eye; possibly one in my left as well. This sucks. It's painful, and could keep me from driving until they've run their course; I'll need to be home to implement warm compresses, once I've slept. Did I mention I'm exhausted?

Oh. Mark got me the new AVP game, plus some stuff for my computer so I'll be able to play it! I didn't expect to have it so soon. I look forward to playing it. Here's what the box looks like:

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:03 PM
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Read some more Buffy. Slept from around 2pm to 7pm (having completely inappropriate sex dreams. lol). There were 2 voicemails from Michael so I gave him a call; he told me to go back to sleep (I was obviously still asleep) and to call him when I woke up. Woke up around 9:30pm (from dreams about Exorcism, God's war on man, the end of the world...) and called Michael back but he didn't answer. I need to call Sean and try to set something up next week.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:49 PM
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Talked to Michael. Talked to Sean. I'm staying in tonight because of the stye in my eye. I'm bummed that I'm not seeing Michael. I might see him tomorrow night, but it's more likely that I won't see him until Saturday (he's coming here that night); he has Sunday off and closes on Monday. I need to harvest my farms pretty soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:56 PM
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   Friday, February 19, 2010

Talking to Michael on the phone right now (on speaker phone). Missing him. My bed feels really big compared to his...and very empty. I'm still in love with him. Still feels like we're a couple. We're spending a lot of time together; it's nice. I hope it lasts, and that it's healthy for us both.

I worked a bit on my Doctor Who Pages.

Gonna read more Buffy; maybe watch lost; continue the hot compresses; chill...I actually feel a bit tired again. I should eat or something. Hmmm. I have to harvest my farm in about 2 hours.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:22 AM
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I had some intense conversations with Michael & Mark last night. Michael wants me to move in with him; this after telling me for the last week that we're not a couple; that we're only just dating, and that he wants to take things very slow with me - and wants to be with only me. Some of this has been excerbated by Michael's fear that he'll lose me, and also by the news that Michael may soon be living alone in his family home in Plymouth. Argh. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to rush us either. I don't know what to do.

I read some Buffy. I slept. I had nightmares.

I woke up around 7am. I ate. Been eating without my eating pills more often; trying to just chill, but my stomach is unhappy right now. I watched LOST 3x03 "Further Instructions" (also known as LOST episode #50; 107 episodes have aired thus far, and there will be 121 episodes total).

Working on Michael's farm now; trying to get him to level 51 today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:19 AM
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There's an interesting article about Caprica and ratings here, which has some minor spoilers for upcoming episodes; sounds very cool! I'm liking everything I've been hearing and seeing about this show (aside from some freaky rumors about a Final Five storyline, which wouldn't make any sense...but it's just a rumor for now).

New Caprica tonight!
New Smallville tonight!
New Spartacus tonight!

What does that mean? It means I'll be downloading my shows from midnight to midnight; seeing the new programs by Monday, depending on when Michael is here.

New possible title for New Season of Who:

5x11 The Lodger

Possibly going to lunch with Mark & Veronica. Possibly playing the new AVP later (if Mark fixes up my computer).

I'm sleepy again, but I need to harvest Michael's farm in a bit.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:10 AM
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Got Michael's farm up to level 51. Might try for level 52; level 60 is the highest available level at the moment, though you keep scoring points - so even when Michael reaches level 60, which I'm at already, I'll still be ahead of him. The next harvest should be ready around 3pm. I'm tired and my eyes are still aching.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:04 AM
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Was feeling fine, except my eyes, and then a migrain popped up out of nowhere. Thankfully I had my refill of Midrin and it's mostly gone in a mind-bending drug haze kind of way... Not sure I'm going to lunch though; my tummy is pretty wonky, and don't think I could eat anything...which would be ok, except I don't want to make Veronica feel uncomfortable. Back when I didn't eat at all, I made eating type peeps really uncomfortable for some reason; not sure why that is.

I just finished reading the 3rd volume of Buffy - Season 8: Wolves at the Gate.

I had remembered that when the issues were new that I liked them the best; now I'm getting back to why. Wow. Great storyline. The lesbian Buffy / Satsu thing really pays off. Mecha Dawn is just awesome! The Dracula thing - it's just all very Buffy. I also like knowing that I have the followup issues to read on the Faith / Giles, Satsu / Kennedy stories, which I've never read before. :-0)

Also, the 2 stand alone issues that came before the Wolves at the Gate storyline were enjoyed more this time for some reason; I think because I have a slightly better handle on what the fuck is going on. Here are the covers for those 2 issues:

The next thing to read would be FRAY, which I also remember loving. Or...should I read Tales of the Vampires (which I skipped)? I think I'm going with FRAY, but I need to give my stye riden eyeballs a break.

I feel so stoned right now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:52 AM
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Mark came in to see if I was going...he almost convinced me to go (though he didn't put any pressure on me). That's when the food started coming back up. Welcome to my life. It's probably because I didn't take my eating pill, and THEN took my Midrin shortly after. I think without the meds I would have been fine. Blah. My life sucks sometimes, but I'm oddly content. I suppose I can thank the Midrin for that too. I do want to go to the lunch though. Maybe I can still go? I'll think about it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:05 PM
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Leaning towards not. I went in to do a hot compress on my right eye, and puked in the sink with like zero warning...in front of Mark, who to his credit, reacted not at all. It's kind of sad that the people around me witness such activity on a regular basis, but it's sweet that I have people that can help me...but not freaking out about such things.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:09 PM
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I reread the Willow 1 Shot 'Goddesses & Monsters', and the Dracula story (Antiques) in 'Tales of the Vampires', which are both stories set between Seasons 7 & 8 of Buffy. Then I read some news about Spartacus; apparently tonight there's more gay & nudity laden stuff to enjoy; I'm growing to love the show. I'm thinking of implementing a rule: 1 Lost episode per day, until I'm in the final season at least. Something like that anyways. My styes, also known as my eye spears of annoyance, are really pissing me off. At least my stomach seems to have calmed down. I hope Mark & Veronica are having a good time.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:15 PM
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I read the first issue of 'Fray', then almost slept, talked to Michael on his way to work, harvested, plowed and planted one of Michael's farms (Beets harvested, Raspberries planted); his other farm is being harvested now (Grapes) and will be plowed and planted (Raspberries) soon after, while my farm needs to be harvested as well (Sugarcain).

I hear it's beautiful outside, but my eyes and skin can't take it. :-0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:05 PM
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I did my farm. Read the news. Read issue two of Fray. Listened to The Cure. Working on Michael's farm now, then going to bed I think. All my plans for this weekend seem to be falling apart. :-0( Oh well.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:11 PM
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Finished Michael's farm. He's on level 52 now; just 8 more levels to go. Planted a mix of 2 day crops so they'll be ready on Sunday, which Michael has off. Farmed a message in to the one field; hope it turns out...not sure I'm making much sense at this point, I'm so tired. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:08 PM
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   Saturday, February 20, 2010

I slept for 4.5 hours. Woke up to find text from Michael; he's working all night. That wouldn't freak me out, except I know he's had sex there in the past. I don't really think he'll be doing that tonight, and he has a fairly good reason to be there (he closes - meaning he'd get out around 1am if it goes well, and then have to be back around 7am) - it's just I don't like that I don't have that security blanket that I would with any other boy I've dated. Blah. I'm letting everything get to me tonight. I think I need to just relax...and get out of the condo maybe. Maybe I'll go to Necto? I just need to be out of here NOW; give my brain a break. My eyes are burning though. If I did go I'd probably not get there until at least 1am, but an hour there is probably just what I need. I hope. Wish me luck.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:22 AM
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I did go to Necto. I did see friends (Anthony, Scot, Becky, Jinx, Brendan, Keevan), made new ones (Megan, Jason, Joe), talked, drank, chilled, and relaxed. It was so nice. After the bar I went to Michael's apartment to get him a fresh work shirt and headed to Arby's in Alan Park(?) to hang out with him for a few hours; we had another really great conversation. I came home, exhausted, and I'm now working on my farm (having just eaten) and will be going to bed soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:07 AM
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I didn't get to sleep.

I watched the new Caprica (1x04 Gravedancing) which was pretty good. The show is cool, yet it's moving so slowly. It doesn't have a self contained plot per episode, so while lots of plot threads move forward per episode, you don't have closure on almost anything. I feel like it's definitely building to something, so hopefully it's worth it, and I've heard the pace picks up later in the season. There was a nice shoutout to classic BSG in the episode, and to Nu BSG by extension.

Spartacus & Smallville still haven't been posted or I'd be watching those now.

The thing is, Mark wants to work on my computer today, but I've not slept yet; if he was working on it now I could live with that...but later it becomes problematic, both because I'll be even more tired and cranky than I am now, and also Michael will be here for cuddle time...and my computer is in my room. I'll see if Mark wants to work on it now, or maybe put it off until sometime tomorrow.

He says tomorrow will do. Nice to know I stayed up for no reason. (That would be the cranky bitch side of my sleep deprived mind speaking.)

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:50 AM
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So, I finished 'Fray'. So good. So fantastic. Looking forward to Mark reading it someday. Then I read 'Tales of the Slayers'. Good, but not great - the 'Fray' entry is too short, yet essential reading. Then I read 'Time of Your Life'; much better the 2nd time around. I'm now caught up to where I left off in Season 8. I have the next 7 issues to read. I'll be getting 8 more next month. Then 1 a month for the next 5 months and then that will be the end of the season, save any new 1 shots. I think that's how it goes anyways.

Why am I still awake, you ask? I forgot to mention that in order to stay wakey wakey on my way to visit Mikey Mikey, I drank some Starbucksy goodness. I used to be hooked on the stuff so I don't touch it now, except I really needed a jolt to keep my eyes from falling closed in the yester-night. It worked a bit too well, cause I should so be asleep now, but I'm not.

Mark just got up. Perhaps he can do the computer thing before Michael comes over and then he & I can sleep the sleep of the well deserved. I'll be taking a muscle relaxant for my jaw around then, so I should be good to go. Err...good to not go....err whatever.

I need to harvest my farm around 7pm I think. Damn. Farming is tough. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:26 PM
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   Sunday, February 21, 2010

After the last entry I tried (and failed) to sleep. I read 2 more issues of Season 8:

Mark joined me to work on my computer at which point I fell asleep (just after he warned me that his activity might kill my computer. He woke me up soon after to tell me my computer was dead. I tried not to panic, and managed to get back to sleep and woke up just before he brought my computer back from the other side. Michael got out of work about then and headed home, showered, dressed, went to pharmacy and came over. During Michael's pre-arrival stuff, I showered and moved the clutter in my room around before, taking my prilosec and a muscle relaxer (my jaw was killing me). After Michael arrived he helped Mark tinker with the computer and I fell asleep, waking up around 9pm, with Mark gone and Michael asleep. I went back to bed and woke up around midnight, then went back to sleep and woke up around 2:30am. I ate. I did my farm stuff. I wrote this.

Oh. And Smallville & Spartacus still haven't been posted yet! Damn.

Michael has today and tomorrow off. Not sure what we'll be doing, if anything.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:03 AM
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Went back to bed after the last entry, reading 2 more issues of Buffy:

Both issues were enjoyed, but I'm kind of glad I waited for the story to further itself, as getting this odd arc / stand alone story series, I think I would have been disappointed in the direction of the plot. 3 more issues & I'll be as caught up as I can be for now. 8 more issues will be available next month sometime.

Went back to sleep (after noticing the lamp by my bed isn't so much leaning to the right as I'd always assumed, but is coming apart!). Slept for about 4 more hours, waking up around 7:30am, and crawling out of bed around 7:50am.

New Trailer for Who is out, and all but confirms that Who returns Saturday, April 3 (the day before Easter) - unless they actually air it on Easter, which would be unusual for the show, as last year's Easter Special (Planet of the Dead) aired on 'Easter Saturday'. Here is the very odd trailer:

Also, something funky is going on with the place I get my tv shows from. :-(

And I think I'm starting to get a headache. Gonna eat again.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:04 AM
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I have a headache; I know it's tied to my jaw somehow; they seem to be throbbing. Just took my Midrin. Hope it helps. Ouch!

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:25 AM
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I started making room on my computer for the new AVP game; deleteing old files, Diablo II, and moving various tv shows to the computer downstairs (the N drive). Hopefully I'll be able to play the game later. My head feels slightly better now.

Michael got dressed and left a bit ago. I had originally intended to go with him on his errands today, but my head pain is preventing that at the moment. I'd also like to go to the store later and get more Silk, Boost & bread / butter. We'll see if that gets done.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:53 AM
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My headache worsened, then finally (after a bit of medicated sleep) got better. I'm not sure it's actually gone. I showered and shaved. I spoke to Michael on the phone. Super bummed that I didn't spend the day with him, as he now has to work tomorrow, when before I sort of let the day slide cause I knew I'd have tomorrow with him. I need to go to the store to get a few groceries. I need to try out the new AVP game, assuming it works this time. I need to go see Michael at his place; ok...I mostly just WANT to do that. I need to harvest my farm around 7pm. But I'm feeling pretty spacey.

I should watch an episode of LOST today. And I still can't get my hands on Spartacus or Smallville, which is pissing me off.

Oh. Also, before I passed out, I read 2 more issues of Buffy. I have only one more to go before I'm missing 5 issues (which I'll have next month); I have the 2 issues after that 5 issue gap, and I hope to have 1 more as soon as it's available. Here are the 2 issues I read:

The girl on the next cover is Dawn; I always assumed it was Willow before I read the actual issue.

Ooh. My BSG Soundtrack should be here in 2 to 3 days!

And for anyone who didn't already know, I love Ewan McGregor!

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:20 PM
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   Monday, February 22, 2010

For those just wanting to read the note I posted on Facebook regarding Crash / Brokeback Mountain, it's further down, after the bold underlined part. ;-0)

I went over to Michael's last night. We watched Roseanne (after seeing a bit of Mutant X irked me), then slept. I had the most erotic dream about muscle bound men I've ever had in my entire life...and there was a story...and a new version of Wonder Woman. lol. And it was awesome...and I woke up hard and thrusting against Michael, still feeling spacey from Midrin I'd taken hours before (which was odd) and having flashes of my dream, leading to some amazingly powerful sex. Later we showered and spoke and cuddled and watched and slept some more. Our relationship / friendship / whatever it is, in such an odd place right now. But I just have to ride it out and see where it goes.

There was a terrible snow storm. I was waiting for Michael to leave for work (so I could spend the most time with him) but he called in around 6:30am. I went to the store for groceries, intending to go home from there, but then the roads were so terrible that I headed back to his place for a few more hours before he went in to work after all and I came home.

I watched excerpts from "The Plan", e-mailed Joe from Friday night, got the new 'Brothers & Sisters' episode, chatted with Bobby about gay characters on tv, my dream last night, and sex in general. I got a behind the scenes doco on 'Being Human'. I still need the new Spartacus, Smallville, and Desperate Housewives. I chatted with Jay, and everything is squared away there. I worked on my farm. I posted this "Oscar" note on Facebook, which I'll repost below, and now I'm waiting to do the Farm thing again before I head to bed as I'm extremely tired.

Anyways, here's the note that I posted on Facebook:

So this is the deal, in honor of the Academy Awards that are coming up, I want you to rank by favorite, all the best picture winners that you've seen. Here is a list of all the winners.

(I'm surprised how many of these I haven't seen)

Remember to put them in order of favorite not what you necessarily think the better movie is. Remember to tag your friends and make sure you tag me back so I can see your list.

Here is my list:
01 Ordinary People
02 The Sound of Music
03 The Silence of the Lambs
04 Schindler's List
05 Braveheart
06 The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
07 American Beauty
08 All About Eve
09 Rebecca
10 Ben-Hur
11 Shakespeare in Love
12 Chicago
13 Titanic
14 The English Patient
15 Forest Gump
16 Rain Man
17 Amadeus
18 Marty
19 From Here to Eternity
20 In the Heat of the Night
21 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
22 The Sting
23 Rocky
24 Driving Miss Daisy
25 Unforgiven
26 Gladiator
27 Around the World in 80 Days
28 Crash
29 Gone With the Wind

About the movie that's not on the list, but should be: Brokeback Mountain. Shorly after the debacle that was the 2005 Academy Awards I wrote this e-mail to my Hollywood Video co-workers:

March 7, 2006
11:04 PM

Hey guys,

This e-mail is pretty long. Just call me The Rambler.

I just wanted to write this out, as I'm sure it's going to come up at work, and I may possibly get emotional about the whole thing later on and not be as clear headed as I am right now. Before I begin, I just want to say that I'm not slamming the movie Crash; I haven't even seen it yet, though I intend to, both because the trailer made it look really good and because of the rave reviews Matt & Heidi gave it ;-0) This isn't about me disliking that film, or even me enjoying Brokeback Mountain; if that was all this was, then it would be a lot simpler, and I wouldn't be writing this at all. Crash won the Oscar for Best Picture. Brokeback Mountain did not. Of course, just being nominated for Best Picture is an honor, but this turn of events with Crash & Brokeback Mountain is unprecedented in all but one way. And that's what bothers me. I'm sure each of the five movies nominated for Best Picture were worthy of the title, but there have always been certain things that the Best Picture winner must or should do before the award is given; Brokeback Mountain accomplished all of these; Crash did not. This is why so many people who have been watching the Oscars for years are so shocked about Crash's surprise victory; even the film's creators & cast are in shock. For those of you not in the know, let me explain how & why this bothers me.

During the awards' season leading up to Sunday night's Oscars, Brokeback Mountain became the most honored movie in cinematic history. Think about that for a second. This movie that the Academy denied the Best Picture award to had more pre-Oscar Best Picture & Best Director wins than previous Oscar winners Schindler's List & Titanic combined! Pre-Oscar awards are generally a good way to gage how the Oscar's will turn out; especially when so many awards are given to one film. To see a complete list of the awards it had won or was nominated for prior to the Oscars, see below.

Now, of the major awards, Crash managed to win only the Screen Actor's Guild Award, the Chicago Critics Award, and an Image Award. Crash's win of the Chicago honor was mostly due to Chicago-area film critic Roger Ebert relentlessly pushing for it, and even then, Brokeback Mountain was the runner-up. So, how did Crash fare in all of the awards races that Brokeback Mountain won? Mostly, it didn't. Crash didn't even earn a nomination in most areas. In fact, before the SAG award, Crash barely merited mention as an Oscar contender at all. Generally movies like Crash that earn a Best Picture nomination from the Academy are the ones to walk away empty handed, with the honor of being nominated being especially impressive, as their film didn't earn the pre-Oscar wins to truly support their Oscar nomination in the first place. Being nominated is their reward, and a worthy one. Crash's Best Picture win flies in the face of all that; an amazing break with Oscar tradition.

But there's more. When Brokeback Mountain failed to receive the Best Picture Oscar, it became the first film in history to win the Writer's Guild, Director's Guild, and Producer's Guild awards and not win the Best Picture Oscar. Doesn't that seem strange to you? Also, each year the film with the most nominations almost always wins the top prize; only 4 times in the past 25 years has the Best Picture winner not also been the film with the most nominations. This year Brokeback Mountain had the most nominations. Brokeback Mountain also won the Golden Globe for Best Picture, all but assuring that it would win at the Oscars too. Crash didn't even earn a Best Picture Golden Globe nomination. If that doesn't sound like a big deal, what you may not know is that only once (in 1973) did a film not even nominated for the Golden Globe's Best Picture go on to win the Academy Award for Best Picture; that movie was The Sting, & it's lack of a Golden Globe nomination was due to a mix-up. Another factor in how the Academy has voted in the past is box-office, or how much money a movie has made compared to the movies it's nominated against. And again, like most Best Picture winners, Brokeback Mountain was by far the highest grossing film of the five nominees. Brokeback Mountain has earned $120,000,0000 worldwide, while Crash has taken in less than half that.

Brokeback Mountain was also the clear frontrunner in critical acclaim. Every year, both Premiere Magazine & Entertainment Weekly rank the year's movies according to the reviews they received. Brokeback Mountain came in first place on both lists. Three other Best Picture nominees (Goodnight, and Good Luck, Capote, & Munich) also placed in the Top Ten on both lists. Meanwhile, Crash ranked #36 on Premiere's list, and down in the 50's on Entertainment Weekly's. A half dozen big critics even gave Crash outright pans, saying it was a movie to be avoided. If you go to http://www.rottontomatoes.com (a respected online movie review site) you can see that Crash earned a 77% Fresh rating, while Brokeback Mountain earned an 86% fresh rating. That's pretty amazing, given the outcome of the Oscar race. That's unheard of. That's like being in first place through an entire race, and then being kicked in the balls just short of the finish line.

Some Crash supporters have argued the Academy had to choose between honoring two very worthwhile movies, one confronting racism, one homophobia, both subjects the Oscars have overlooked in the past. And while it was a difficult choice, they argue, it was a fair decision. But Hollywood has already honored numerous movies that confront racism. In The Heat of the Night won back in 1967, nearly 40 years ago. Other previous winners depicting racism have included Gandhi, Driving Miss Daisy, & Westside Story. Add to that the recent (well deserved) Oscar winners, Halle Berry, Jamie Fox, Morgan Freeman, & Denzel Washington (plus all the other nominees) and the "overlooked race issue" card seems a bit less valid. This doesn't mean that these stories are any less worthy for subject matter; only that they are different shades of a story that has already be seen and rewarded. Brokeback Mountain on the other hand was groundbreaking. No gay story, much less a love story, has ever been in serious contention for a Best Picture Oscar.

For the Academy to have chosen Crash over Brokeback Mountain, they had to overlook the fact that Brokeback Mountain was the favorite by almost every measure the Academy has used for 78 years! And they also had to be willing to overturn decades of Academy tradition as well. And all of this change happened without an infusion of new blood; there was no changing of the guard to explain this oddity of Academy behavior. The old guard themselves upended their traditions in order to propel Crash past Brokeback Mountain. Why? I don't know that the decision was in any way homophobic (though that word is being thrown around a lot), but sadly I do know that there was one Oscar tradition that was not overturned this year: as I already stated, no explicitly homosexual themed movie has ever won the Best Picture Oscar. For many Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender movie fans, this has been something of a disappointment. But in all honesty, a movie really hasn't captured a slice of our lives in any award worthy way, until Brokeback Mountain, that is. To see Brokeback Mountain in a packed theater with every shade/age/class of people sitting together, and not hearing laughter or insults thrown during the love scenes was astonishingly cathartic! To see the world stand up and praise the movie again & again was amazing! To see it jump through all the usual hoops required by the Academy to earn Best Picture was joyous! To see the movie denied it's rightful place was disgusting.

People argue that the Academy/Hollywood isn't homophobic. After all, Philip Seymour Hoffman won Best Actor for the gay role of Capote. But homophobia isn't as simple as that; it has many layers & permutations. The homophobia that people are talking about in the wake of the Oscars is the kind that buys into the acceptace of Hollywood's homosexual roles only when they conform to all the stereotypes of effete, lisping, asexual men. These characters, and their murderous/dying/AIDS ridden counterparts are allowed to flourish (Kiss of The Spiderwoman, Philadelphia, Gods & Monsters, Monster, Braveheart), while roles such as those featured in Brokeback Mountain are deemed to be dangerous or unwelcome. It's not that the visibility of the allowed homosexuals is unwelcome to a gay audience; it's that it's just a bit horrific to only allow one side of a group of people to be celebrated, while others seem to be punished. One of the gay characters in Best Picture winner Braveheart is thrown from a high castle tower to his death - there were cheers when that happened in the theater. When Philadelphia was released in 1993, they weren't even allowed to show the main character (Tom Hanks) and his partner (Antonio Banderas) really kiss on screen. And I can't even list all the gay roles from plays, novels, myth, history and breaking news that have been written as heterosexual when adapted for Hollywood. That a movie could be made that ignored all this bullshit, and told an honest, heart-wrenching tale of love between men - that it went on to earn rave reviews, box office success in most corners of the world, and then got snubbed at the last gate by the Academy sickens me. And I'm not alone.

I'll continue collecting GLBT themed movies. I'll continue promoting new GLBT releases. I'll continue hoping for higher quality releases. And I'll stop watching the Oscars, until they've demonstrated that this uncalled-for insult is nothing more than the result of an ignorant time, that has long been laid to rest.

Bald Jason
http://www.gothboy.com

Brokeback Mountain Awards & Nominations: (list includes Oscar nominations & wins)

Best Picture Wins:
Boston Society of Film Critics Award
British Academy of Film & Television Arts
Broadcast Film Critics Association Award
Dallas-Fort Worth Film Critics Association Award
Golden Globe
Independent Spirit Award
London Critics Circle Film Award
Los Angeles Film Critics Association Award
New York Film Critics Circle Award
San Francisco Film Critics Circle
Satellite Award
Southeastern Film Critics Association Award
Vancouver Film Critics Circle

Best Picture Nominations:
Academy Award/Oscar
Gotham Award
Online Film Critics Society Award

Best Director - Ang Lee - Wins:
Academy Award/Oscar
Boston Society of Film Critics Award
British Academy of Film & Television Arts - David Lean Award
Broadcast Film Critics Association Award
Dallas-For Worth Film Critics Association Award
Directors Guild of America, USA
Golden Globe
Independent Spirit Award
London Critics Circle Film Award
Los Angeles Film Critics Association Award
National Board of Review, USA
New York Film Critics Circle Award
San Francisco Film Critics Circle
Satellite Award
Southeastern Film Critics Association Award
Vancouver Film Critics Circle

Best Director Nominations:
Online Film Critics Society Award

Best Cast Nominations:
Gotham Award
Screen Actors Guild Award

Best Actor - Heath Ledger - Wins:
Central Ohio Film Critics
New York Film Critics Circle Award
San Francisco Film Critics Circle

Best Actor - Heath Leger - Nominations:
Academy Award/Oscar
British Academy of Film & Television Arts Award
Broadcast Film Critics Association Award
Golden Globe
Independent Spirit Award
Online Film Critics Society Award
Satellite Award
Screen Actors Guild Award

Best Actress/Supporting Actress - Michelle Williams - Wins:
Broadcast Film Critics Association Award (tied with Amy Adams for Junebug)

Best Actress/Supporting Actress - Michelle Williams - Nominations:
Academy Award/Oscar
British Academy of Film & Television Arts Award
Golden Globe
Independent Spirit Award
Online Film Critics Society Award
Screen Actors Guild Award

Best Supporting Actor - Jake Gyllenhaal - Wins:
British Academy of Film & Television Arts
National Board of Review, USA

Best Supporting Actor - Jake Gyllenhaal - Nominations:
Academy Award/Oscar
Broadcast Film Critics Association Award
Online Film Critics Society Award
Satellite Award
Screen Actors Guild Award

Best Editing Wins:
Satellite Award
Best Editing Nominations:
American Cinema Editors, USA
British Academy of Film & Television Arts Award

Best Cinematography Wins:
Chicago Film Critics Association Awards
Dallas-Fort Worth Film Critics Association Award

Best Cinematography Nominations:
Academy Award: Oscar
American Society of Cinematographers, USA
British Academy of Film & Television Arts Award
Online Film Critics Society Award

Best Adapted Screenplay Wins:
Academy Award/Oscar
British Academy of Film & Television Arts
Central Ohio Film Critics
Dallas-Fort Worth Film Critics Association Award
Golden Globe
Online Critics Society Award
Southeastern Film Critics Association Award
Writers Guild of America, USA

Best Adapted Screenplay Nominations:
Broadcast Film Critics Association Award
Satellite Award
USC Scripter Award

Best Original Song Wins:
Golden Globe
Satellite Award

Best Original Song Nominations:
Broadcast Film Critics Association Award

Best Score Wins:
Academy Award/Oscar
Chicago Film Critics Association Awards
Online Film Critics Society Award
Academy Award

Best Score Nominations:
British Academy of Film & Television Arts - Anthony Asquith Award
Broadcast Film Critics Association Award
Golden Globe
Satellite Award

Other Award Wins:

Central Ohio Film Critics:
Best Actor of the Year - Heath Ledger

Venice Film Festival:
Golden Lion (best picture/director)
- to Ang Lee

PGA Golden Laurel Awards:
Motion Picture Producer of the Year

Other Award Nominations:
European Film Awards: Screen International Award - Ang Lee USA

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:43 PM
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Rethought the going right to bed thing. Extended my farming. Mark managed to track down the Smallville / Spartacus episodes I need (though I still need Desperate Housewives 6x15 "Lovely", & Being Human 2x07), so I might be watching those before bed...not sure, as my headache is returning. I took 1 Midrin; not sure that will be enough, but I'm sick of taking pills, so I'm risking it.

Wish me luck.

Oh. And I have music from Shortbus stuck in my head. Namely, 'Boys of Melody' by The Hidden Cameras, and 'In the End' by Justin Bond & The Hungry March Band. I'm thinking it might be time to rewatch the movie.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:25 PM
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Ok. My music switched from Shortbus to songs dealing with the loss of River Phoenix. Nice. I love my music. Songs that I'm loving from this selection include "Halloween" by Grant Lee Buffalo, "River" by Natalie Merchant, "Innocent" by Fuel (River was featured in the music video) & "River" by Ellis Paul. There are more songs here, but those are the 4 that are sticking out.

River & my older sister were born on exactly the same day (August 23, 1970). He starred in the first gay movie I ever sought out: "My Own Private Idaho". And I remember the night he died very clearly; I wrote a poem that referenced it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:25 PM
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No music for now. I just read the last Buffy issue I've got for this month; the Tales of the Vampires, Season 8 1 shot. Not sure how I feel about this one. Looking forward to the rest of Season 8, 8 issues of which I should have next month. Here's the one I just read:

The thing I didn't like about it is that, like some of the episodes of the series, they take the mythology of the show in a direction that isn't supported by the early seasons. In the early stories, if you were made into a vampire, you DIED and a demon with your memories took up shop so it walked like you and talked like you but it wasn't really you. They play it off like you don't really die though. Kind of takes away from the original description IMO. Anyways...need to harvest my farm soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:46 PM
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Got some voicemails from Michael, then talked to him on the phone. Harvested my farm, plowed and planted; should be ready to harvest again around 6am. I'll soon be at the point where I'll have to trade in my stored harvests for cash. Hope I have at least 7,000,000; it will probably be more than that, but that was my goal when I started.

Sleepy. But wish Michael was here to cuddle with.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:50 PM
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   Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I went to bed soon after the last entry and slept until around 1:30am, though I woke up briefly several times before that, including once around 10pm, where I texted Michael, and briefly considered going to Necto. In the end, sleep won out. I had odd dreams again. More church happenings; a church trip, some watersports (jet ski) and some horror movie nonsense that made me giggle. I woke up to heartwarming messages from Josh Gerding & Bill Saunders. :-0) Nice.

Mark has seen the new Spartacus (1x05 "Shadow Games") and says I'll like it. I trust him on that, and will most likely watch it today. I also need to see the new Smallville (9x13 "Persuasion"), and some LOST (next up is 3x04 "Every Man For Himself"), as I've not watched that in days. I'm worried I'm getting behind on LOST; don't want to miss the ending. Might watch an episode of Vampire Diaries as well (1x03 "Friday Night Bites"). I'm so far behind on tv shows.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:23 AM
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I watched some old 'The Cloer' episodes, got some more music from Caprica, thrilled to my music geek core over Bear McCreary's latest blog post, watched the first half of the latest Spartacus, got a horrible headache, medicated, Farmed, showered and slept, with some odd dream aobut Janice moving to Nashville, Michigan, and Jamie loving that because she loves the people there...and then harvested, plowed and planted my farm again - then this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:12 AM
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I talked to Michael on the phone; I might see him later; not sure. I'm exchanging messages on Manhunt with this 19yo Poz bottom, who was looking for friends. Friends are good. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:56 AM
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I did nothing to day but surf the web. I didn't watch my tv shows. I didn't read. I ate. I started to work out but stopped. I worked on my website a bit. But mostly, I did nothing. Oh. I worked on my farm like 5 times. About to do it again for the last time today (I think)....but yeah. Blah.

I'm getting sleepy cause I went to bed so early yesterday, but I was gonna spend some time with Michael later. Maybe it will just be sleepy time?

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:46 PM
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Did more work on my farm. Showered. Shaved. Packed a bag. Going to Michael's for the night. I'm hungry...perhaps I could get crazy bread on the way there? Not sure my jaw (which is being extra pesky lately) can handle that right now, so I better not. Maybe someday soon though.

Oh. And my appointment with the jaw specialist is (FINALLY) less than a week away. It's next Tuesday, I think.

I'll be leaving for Michael's in a few minutes.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:18 PM
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   Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Had a goodtime at Michael's last night. We ate and watched "All Over The Guy"; a movie that reminds me of our relationship to a degree, with music that I once associated with Shawn Foreman. I really enjoy that movie. Later we slept for a few hours, had sex, then Michael went back to sleep while I showered, went back to reading Abarat 2, and then joined him for a brief time before he had to get ready for work. The visit felt too brief. He left and I stayed for another hour at least, leaving a note on his bed when I took my leave. It was snowing when Michael left, and though he said the roads weren't bad (on the phone) they were worse for me when I left and the traffic / weather made the trip home a longer one than I wanted. I've done some farming since I've been home, I watched the latest Desperate Housewives which introduced a new lesbian storyline, and I'm considering expanding my BSG timeline, including images and quotes from the series to back up my timeline like I've done with the DCAU; not sure when I'll get around to that though. My recent migrain continues to haunt me...and I'm craving Little Caesars.

featuring "Bring You Back" by Peter Stuart:

And "Please Forgive Me" by David Gray:

Both of which I'll be listening to today.

Abarat 2:

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:26 PM
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My headache just got a lot worse. Took some Midrin and ate. Harvesting and plowing my farms, but not sure I'm up for planting at the moment. Maybe I'll plant an 8 or 12 hour crop and go to bed?

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:27 PM
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I planted 12 hour crops. After the next planting or 2 I'll be all out of money and will have to trade in all my harvests. I was originally hoping for 7 million, but I can see that I'll be getting a lot more than that! :-0) After I trade in my harvests I'll compare my level, score & coins with the other top 4 neighbors I have to see how we stand. I'm gonna lay down and try to lose this headache...I can already feel the meds kicking in, but I've been taking Midrin for this series of headaches all week and I wish it would just fricking stay gone!

On a happy note, my BSG soundtrack should be here either tomorrow or Friday!

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:04 PM
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I texted Michael before going to bed, letting him know I had a headache and was laying down, and that I was shutting off my phone. When I woke there was a text asking if I was awake, and a voicemail that told me he was going to the hospital, that was was hard to make out because he was crying. I called him back; his father had a heart attack; he's ok, but is being kept in the room right next to the one where Michael's grandmother died last summer. Michael is at home now. He took tomorrow off of work. He thanking me for a note that I left him at the apartment when I left. He's been watching Roseanne and decorating one his farms on Farm Town which he's called "Our Private Life", which is meant to be our home together.

My headache is gone for now, but I don't know if it's gone for good. I don't know if I should sleep more, or try to wake up more. If I wake up more I could go visit Michael; give him a hug; be with him. But he told me the roads are really bad and that he doesn't expect me to be there tonight, though he also said I'd be welcome.

I'm hungry. Perhaps I could get LC on the way to Michaels? We'll see.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:57 PM
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Leaving soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:06 PM
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