Sunday, September 13, 2009

I slept for a little over eight hours! Shortly after waking, I noticed some texts from Michael and replied. Then we traded texts and eventually moved on to AIM. The conversation was intense; dramatic; worrysome. I want him to be ok.

Later I worked on getting over a lot of the stuff that's been going on. That's sounds weird...but I'm sort of working on this exercise that I know will give me some peace. I'm guessing it will take me a few weeks but then I can file it away and not worry about it.

My appetite is back. My sanity is back. Things are still touch and go, and I'm very afraid I might have been exposed to an STD, but aside from that I'm improving. Things that interested me are starting to interest me again, and the world doesn't always seem so pointless.

I'll take a shower, and get dressed. Maybe make something to eat. I should try to get back to my book as well. Or maybe the DCAU thing. Not sure. I just want things to be back to normal.

And I know this is a controversial thing, but I want Michael to be part of that... The only probablem with that, is Michael himself. He wants to go back to what we had before (without the sex) and part of that sounds very appealing. But I also know I have serious pain and trauma to work through...and I don't want to send mixed signals or confuse things...though I have a lot of mixed signals to deal with.

I want him back.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:30 AM
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I did a lot of useless stuff after the last entry...but I did it well! And I didn't cry during any of it...so that's progress.

I re-tried bananas and I don't like them. The flavor is ok, but the mushy consistancy is gross. Ick. I'll take them in smoothies, but the real deal is just not for me.

I did take a shower; that part wasn't useless.

And then I got more sleep, with no trouble at all. I'm liking the sleeping well part, and blame my recent crazy talk on lack thereof. Though I woke up with my stomach freaking out. I'm hoping my eating more regularly will improve that, because for awhile there I was fine in that department.

I just took my prilosec. I had a Boost. I'll try a bit more later after I'm sure that's taken effect.

I might go to Macey's to get a new comforter today. My neighbors gave me a $50.00 gift card from there for helping them out of a tight spot a few weeks ago. I didn't expect anything, let alone something so expensive for just helping a neighbor out. But I want a new comforter (despite my attachment to my more-than-9-year-old one), and that gift card can help with that.

I also need to get some butter. lol

I'm in a good mood this morning.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:08 AM
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I chatted with Mark. I read more of my book. It was good to read again. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get back into this one, as it's kind of tied to Michael, but I've done it and I'm proud of that. I read about 40 pages I think. I love my new sheets and pillowes.

I showered and shaved. I left some facial hair. Don't know if I'll keep it. The shower was relaxing. I've been feeling better more often, but in the shower I had some pretty crappy memory stuff assail me. I'll get through this though. Each day it will get a little easier. Some days will be worse than others, in that I'll have set stuff aside and it will return, but I'll be stronger. I won't let this break me. I can't.

I might get a flu vaccine today, or if not today, sometime this week. I'll probably try some new stuff today. I have to keep up with that if I can.

Part of me would really like to visit Michael at his work today; he should be there by 2pm. My original thought on this was that he'll be working so we'd have to be more formal and there'd be a barrier of saftey about the whole encounter...yet I could still see him and I feel better everytime I talk to him. But his last sexual encounter took place in that vicinity less than a week ago. Part of me thinks I need to face that truth, and part of me wants to never return there. But I made it back to Cedar Point this year and conquered that fear...and I think this fear of revisiting places is kind of lame, and something I need to change about myself. The demons once faced may lose all their fearsome qualities, and free the thought from your mind forever. Like...movies and things that I associate with bad times...I just stay away from them...but I think in the end I'm just hurting myself because I'm giving those places and things power that they don't have on their own. Easier thought, than believed; easier said than done. But that's just how the truth is.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:21 PM
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I had one of those soy / coconut milk ice cream bars (they're really small), then had a tofu dog on wheat bread with vegan cheese. I took my Reglan to keep it down, and my E & B6 vitamins to keep the Reglan from fucking me up more. And water.

I got dressed. I find myself more and more wanting to wear blue clothes instead of black. This has been going on for about a year I think, but I just don't have that much blue in my collection. The weather is nice out, and I'm gonna go to Macy's to look for a comforter (though I LOATH the mall). We're also going to Lowes I think, for a water filter. I might stop at the bank; new week and all.

I might go see Michael later. I'm still not sure it's a good idea or not. Not because the place freaks me out, but because I'm not sure it will help us to see one another or not. I've felt better everytime I've seen him, but he's told me that each encounter has made him feel worse. I don't want to make him suffer. It's nice to know that he cares enough to regret his behavior, but I don't want him in pain or wanting to die. I don't know. I'll see how I feel about the idea as the day goes on.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:53 PM
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Mark & I went to Lowes first and got a water filter pitcher instead of a new filter for our system, which is cheaper and will work better for me. We went to the mall to look at comforters but the only one in my price range was HIDEOUS. There was one that looked perfect, but then it wasn't a comforter at all. :-0(

I decided I did want to go see Michael; see the place he went last week that nearly killed me...face it. We had to stop and get gas and I took some pictures of Mark pumping gas. Then we hit the road. I was nervous but didn't turn back. When we arrived I took some pictures for my own personal growth, then snuck into the employees only session and shocked the hell out of Michael, who came outside with me to talk. Mark took some pictures of us during this.

What came from this discussion is that I want to continue seeing Michael. The rules being that we aren't a couple; we can't have sex; he has to give me space when I need it (and I might need it often) - and if he dates or fucks anyone else it's over. Period. He also has to answer questions I have to the best of his ability. The thing is...I want to spend time with him, but I'm not ready for us to be a couple again - I don't trust him. I'm not sure I ever will again. But we're both having to be celibate until December, and we both want to see each other, so why not? If this trial run doesn't work out, then we can part ways and nobody can say that I wasn't more than fair, or that I didn't try. But if it does work out...well, we'll cross that bridge when w come to it.

I forgot to do the flu shot thing today, so maybe sometime this week?

Mark & I drove home, and we gave the bananas I got (but hated) to our neighbor Ziba, as Mark (and Ziba's wife Alice) dislike them as well. Mark is now playing Rock Band, and I'm trying to decide what to do next. I might take a nap. I might eat. I might work online. I'm not sure.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:47 PM
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I've had a mostly great day. But...I'm having one of those off moments where everything from the last week, or everything I've learned it that week is coming together in my mind and making connections with previously known events; connections that I hadn't noticed before. It's upsetting to me. I'll get through it. But it's going to take so long to sort through all this bullshit...

I was going to have some corn on the cob tonight...but I think I should just go to sleep instead. Get this stuff out of my brain.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:20 PM
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   Monday, September 14, 2009

I slept for 7 hours. I just woke up. I need to take my prilosec. I have no clue what I'm doing today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:44 AM
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I watched some Pushing Daisies. I laughed a little bit but it didn't solve anything for me. I need to find a project where I can put all this information and my reactions to said information, organize and exorcize the bad stuff; never forgotten, but finally understood, as much as anything like this can be understood. I need to take back my power. It's going to be a lot of work though. I'm not unhappy with what is (save for the fear, based on previous events); I'm more upset to realize that events that I thought were loving and safe if not always perfect, were in fact masking something far more wretched and painful. But only by looking that in the face and coming to terms with it can I move forward. I've already made great strides. I can do this.

I can do this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:54 AM
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I set up my water filter and it's doing it's thing as I type this.

I had a snack. I've had a bottle of water, and a bottle of V8 V-Fusion Acai Mixed Berry. I might actually accomplish that 'staying hydrated' thing today.

I watched the season finale of True Blood, which was ok. I think the show lost some of it's steam in the last 3 episodes; like in the finale I guessed a lot of what was going to happen before it did. I think the season peaked a bit early is all. Still, it's never really had a terrible episode, so I'll cut it some slack.

Mollie has been watching Lost (last I heard) so I should start watching that again.

When my brain isn't stuck thinking about the past I'm mostly good. And when I can't stop thinking about the past I'm mostly not. But I need to deal with the past so I can eventually enjoy my present and future. It's tricky.

I got a text from Michael at 2:43 AM asking if I was awake and to call him. But I wasn't awake, and now that I have the text he's probably asleep...or on his way to work or something. I don't know his hours, but I know he has Thursday and Saturday off. I had been looking forward to going to a family gathering thrown by one of his relatives that I was invited to...but I'm not sure it's a good idea now. I mean, for one thing, the guy that's throwing it met me at Michael's grandmother's funeral on the 21st of August - a day that now in retrospect is a source of great discomfort for me. And for another...now that we're not boyfriends, if someone calls us that I'm going to half to explain that we're not, and that could lead to all kinds of confusion and drama... But I like his family, and I enjoyed meeting them when I was Michael's boyfriend. I thought it meant so much that Michael was introducing me to them...but he was cheating on me the whole time, which kind of taints those memories.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:35 AM
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I read a few more chapters of my book and then slept for an hour. Mark woke me up without realizing it; he's in the shower now. I could drive him to work, stop at the bank and then get a flu shot on the way home, but I'm feeling more like staying home today.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:41 PM
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Well, after Mark left I did some stuff online, and then made my corn on the cob. It was odd, as it was exactly how I remembered it from when I was a child; the taste hadn't changed...yet I didn't enjoy it as much now. I like the action of eating it, but I didn't enjoy the food as much as I did then. It's hard to describe.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:45 PM
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I missed my prilosec intake on the day I decided to have lots of acidy things. I'm not feeling good right now. I can now say that I've tried limes though.

The new trailer for the 2nd Twilight movie makes it look better than I want to admit:

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:35 PM
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I spoke to Carrie on the phone. She's unhappy where she is; it's nothing like she thought it would be, though she's making the most of a really crappy situation.

I talked to Micahel on the phone as well. I told him about a new puzzle piece of the past that I've put into place, and asked him about it. He's very sensitive about the subject of his indiscretions and accuses me of trying to hurt him, when I'm not. I just need the information that was denied me for months, and he's the only one who can give it to me. It hurts me that he could keep all that information to himself when it could possibly put my life at risk, and then when I finally find out the truth, he just wants to brush the past aside so we can go to the next level, but it just doesn't work that way. He says he's tired of being miserable everyday, but I might be miserable a lot between now and December (when my test results will be conclusive) and for some time into the future, because of what he chose to subject me to. I do believe he feels bad and some of his behavior since my discovery has felt like genuine remorse and change...I want to be with him, but not if he's going to pressure me to just skip over everything he did. That's not fair. And that's not even possible. I just don't know how he expects me to procede.

He also said that he hated seeing how this is hurting me, and I asked him how he thought this was going to turn out? I mean...how could he do something like that, over and over and not expect me to get hurt? His response was that he honestly thought that I would never find out. That killed me. I was shocked by that answer though I suppose I shouldn't have been. It didn't matter to him that he was putting my life or my health at risk while he was doing those things, but I held out hope that he at least, meant to tell me. I guess I was wrong. He didn't deny it. He just said he had to get back to work.

This scares me. This worries me. This fucking terrifies me. The idea that after all this mess, he'll just leave me to clean myself up all on my own... I've tried to understand and forgive and I've made so much progress in such a small amount of time. I mean, last week at this time I could hardly form words because I was in so much pain! He says he loves me. He says he needs me. If he leaves I guess I'll know that was all just more lies too.

I texted him my worries and he says he's not leaving me.

I hope it's true.

Anyways...I'm exhausted and should probably get some sleep. I might go to Necto later, but I might not. In the absence of it last week my love of deep sleep has been renewed; that might be too much to pull myself away from.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:04 PM
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   Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I went to bed soon after the last entry, a little before nine (I read a bit more of my book before turning out the light), and slept 8 hours again, though I woke up a couple times, once when Michael called. I went right back to sleep though, and I have to say again, that after last week's not sleeping, sleeping 8 hours is HEAVEN. :-0)

After waking up around 4:58, I took my prilosec and called Mollie, who'd left me a voicemail. We had a really great conversation, which like much of my time lately was both difficult, yet rewarding. It was so great to touch base with her and her input was just what I needed to hear.

After that I surfed the internet. I'm back to being super excited about 'Battlestar Galactica: The Plan' and Doctor Who and stuff, which is nice, though I wish it would just arrive already!!! I also worked on Michael's Farm. I find it oddly relaxing. Sadly I learned that Patrick Swayze died from pancreatic cancer yesterday. The article says he smoked 3 packs a day. So sad.

I'm trying to avoid the past for the morning. I know I can't run from it and it has to be faced or it will kick my ass later, but for the next few hours I'd like to just relax and eat and be content. I just need to recharge my batteries before I go back to the darkness. But I'm not worried...I know that I'll get through this, and I'll be stronger for it.

I meant to call Michael this morning, but he has to be at work in about 4 minutes and I don't want to pester him while he's there. Actually; he probably wouldn't mind, so maybe I'll try afterall.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:57 AM
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Talked to Michael earlier, about 8:30am. We talked about recent and future things. It sounds promising; progress is seemingly being made. We both hate where we are and we both want that to stop; we just have to get through this bad time if that's gonna work out. Hopefully we will.

I took a shower. Worked on some online stuff.

And then just now I got a text from Mollie saying she can't talk and that she thinks her mother is dying. I texted her back to hang in there and that we love her. As much as I dislike Mollie's mother for they way she has disrespected and manipulated her daughter... as much as I want Mollie back home, if this really is her time to leave this mortal coil, I'm heartsick for Mollie and whatever it is she's going through.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:32 AM
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Mark got a raise today. Though it was nowhere near what he deserves every little bit helps and he'll be getting an extra $200+ a month.

I met some interesting people today. Some of them were quite despicable. Ick. Others were merely misinformed.

I had some tofu / vegan cheese / wheat bread. Yum. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:57 PM
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   Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I talked to Michael yesterday around 4:30. We talked about his past and our future. The past stuff got me unexpectedly aroused. It sucks that I can't have him.

Later I chatted with Chris, my ex-bf Michael's partner. It was a great conversation and so nice to touch base with him again.

I was getting extra tired, and when I got up I realized I had a major migrain. I took my midrin with some food. I wanted to sleep, but I was waiting for Michael to call me at 7 when he gets out of work.

He didn't call at 7, but I was kind of out of it anyways. I called him at 7:32, and he was still at work. He said I could go to sleep, but I told him I'd leave the ringer on so he could call when he got out of work. He did, at 8:09pm, which woke me up. We didn't talk long, as Michael wanted me to sleep, and so I did.

I slept about 8 hours again. Good. Took my prilosec ontime. Good. Checked my phone for texts and messages (a habit I'm trying to get into as I suck so bad at it). There was a text from Mollie saying her mom is apparently stable now, and that Mollie would call me after she sleeps. I texted her to let her know that she can take all the time she wants and that I love her.

I jumped online. Interesting stuff online sometimes. I need to think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:33 AM
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I spoke to another guy that Michael slept with, which both raises the number that I know about, and the length of time it was going on. This guy had details. It was helpful.

I later talked to Michael about it. There are times when I think things are getting better, and times when I think things are getting worse. And there are times when I think it will all work out in the end, and other times that I think that he won't allow them to. He hates himself so much and I'm so afraid he'll prevent me from loving him, and that I'll get hurt in the process. It's complicated. I love him. I know so much about him, and I'm learning more everytime we talk. I sort of think our relationship was kind of a joke. He was cheating on me in less than 2 months time; possibly less. Yet he introduced me to his family and called me his boyfriend, and introduced me to his friends and his work life and when he almost lost me it hurt him. He doesn't understand why I'm still speaking to him, but I'm beginning to understand it myself. He's broken. And I've been broken. And I just want to reach back up inside him and hold him and let him see that he's not ugly and he's not unlovable, and there are people that will stick around. I want to be that person. But I'm not sure it's possible. When you try to love someone who doesn't love themselves, it can go very badly. I just hope this isn't one of those times.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:31 AM
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1 month and 11 days until 'Battlestar Galactica: The Plan' arrives! ;-0)

I'm missing Michael a lot right now. And I'm uncertain about what the future holds for us, which scares the fuck out of me. Just...wish things had played out differently. But trying not to dwell on that part too much. Trying to make the most of what I have to work with.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just need to decide which ones are worth suffering for." ~Bob Marley

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:30 AM
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Saw the doctor about an eppi pen for my allergies. Stopped at Meijer and LC; first time I had crazy bread since Mollie was in the hospital; that day it made me really sick. It was better this time. Spending this time with Mark was nice.

It's possible I could get tested for STD's tomorrow, but I'm kind of dragging my feet. I just...I don't know.

Doctor Who Themed News - Air Dates for The Sarah Jane Adventures, which will air 2 days a week!

Thursday, October 15th:
Prisoner of the Judoon, Part I

Friday, October 16th:
Prisoner of the Judoon, Part II

Thursday, October 22nd:
The Mad Woman in the Attic, Part I

Friday, October 23rd:
The Mad Woman in the Attic, Part II

Thursday, October 29th:
The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith, Part I

Friday, October 30th:
The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith, Part II

Thursday, November 5th:
The Eternity Trap, Part I

Friday, November 6th:
The Eternity Trap, Part II

Thursday, November 12th:
Mona Lisa's Revenge, Part I

Friday, November 13th:
Mona Lisa's Revenge, Part II

Thursday, November 19th:
The Gift, Part I

Friday, November 20th:
The Gift, Part II

The next Doctor Who Special, The Waters of Mars, is also said to air in November.

I need to take a nap so I can see Michael later.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:55 PM
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   Thursday, September 17, 2009

I couldn't get to sleep yesterday so I called Michael and he came over after watching the rest of a 3rd Season Heroes episode. While he drove out here I wandered outside and had a long talk (mostly about food) with Alice & Ziba. It was so much fun that the time went by fast. The air started cooling down though and that was a discomfort. When Michael arrived and strolled across the grass, wearing the same jacket he wore when we first met, I took it for a sign.

There was a nervousness to this meeting. Now that we're not officially a couple, but sworn to see nobody else...things are different. We wouldn't just fuck. We had to talk, and we talked a lot. Some of it hurt. Michael cried. We asked ourselves sevral times if we could make this work, and I think we can, though we won't know until we get through it all.

Michael was hungry, and though it was later than I've been staying up we went to Pizza House. I got cinnimon sticks but they weren't very good. I had a headache so I took my meds. I was already tired, and pain killers make me loopy, and my Reglan makes me sleepy, so I was sooo ready to call it a night. It was nice though, and we walked arm and arm through the crowded streets.

It was chilly out. When we got back to my place he asked what we were doing and I told him what I wanted: cuddle time. He stayed the night. I fell asleep in his arms around 10pm and woke around 4am, not realizing any time had passed. I took some prilosec and then went back to bad. The cuddles were perfection, though the arousal was hard to deny.

This morning we did fool around, but we communicated everything and we did nothing unsafe. No oral. No anal. Just masturbation. It was still hot. And we both know we can't do anything until December, and that's if everything turns out ok, which it might not. Hopefully it does.

Michael is sleeping some more now. He has a doctor's appointment for STD's at 3:30pm I think. I might go get tested tonight. My first HIV test results should be back on Saturday.

Mark is in his room. He thinks he's found one of his old Army buddies on Facebook. He's talked about this guy for years and years, so I hope it is him and they reconnect, because I think that would make Mark happy.

I'm typing this, obviously. I had some Green Goodness (which I've found is even better if you chug it). Now I'm sipping a boost and gonna have a snack. I might watch the 3rd episode of Glee.

Michael is coming over tomorrow night to make Banana Pudding for his family's BBQ on Saturday, which I'm attending.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:09 AM
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After the last entry I worked on the cyber farms and ate. I watched the 3rd episode of Glee. I cuddled more with Michael, which was great. Then Mark encouraged me to make an appointment to get tested for STD's even though Michael had an appointment to get tested at 3pm. I called the place and made the appointment for tonight at 7pm. Michael left kind of abruptly. I called to find out what was on his mind, and he said he wasn't mad at me or Mark, but that he understood why Mark wanted me to get tested and it was all because of Michael cheating so he was feeling bad. We talked.

Michael & I talked on the phone a few times throughout the day, actually. His appointment went well, though it was uncomfortable. He was tested for various things, as I'm sure I will be. I want to be screened for everything. Michael is driving me to my appointment at will be here to pick me up around 6pm. He can't stay tonight, but will be back tomorrow. Being with Michael now, it's both easy and hard, fantastic and odd. Knowing what he did and what he's capable of doing is haunting, yet in some ways it's better than before because now I'm truly aware of what's gone on in the past and what we're doing now; I'm informed. We talk about the future and what we want it to be, and what we don't want it to be and we're trying to communicate more. So far it seems to be working, or at least we've made progress.

I've been thinking about the entertainment themed things I'm looking forward to seeing and reading...and trying to figure out a pesky DCAU puzzle.

I should get ready.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:54 PM
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   Friday, September 18, 2009

I shaved and got dressed after the last entry. Michael arrived on time and we hung out for awhile. We made it to the testing ontime, which went well. Anytime I've been tested anywhere the staff of whichever place has been impressed with my knowledge and my ability to express these ideas which some people have a hard time with in general; this time was no different. I was tested for Chlamydia, Ghonorrhea, Syphilis & Hepatitis and should get my results this Thursday. The results of my first HIV test should be available on Saturday.

After the testing, Michael and I went to Whole Foods. I got several new things, like Agave Nectar (basically vegan honey), a dairy free chocolate bar that isn't dark, potatos (gonna try making mashed potatos), some soy milk, more vegan cheese and tofu dogs, plus some tofu for deserts. I also got some more raisins. Next week I might get several kinds of pie and have a pie tasting kind of thing. :-0)

Michael came home with me and we both wanted him to stay so he did. We cuddled and watched BSG's "No Exit", then went to sleep. I woke up at 3am with Michael out of bed, getting a drink. I got up soon after he returned to bed, feeling slightly congested and like I might be coming down with a cold. I took my prilosec, plus vitamin c & echinacea with a boost and some water while I did random things online to chill. Michael has to get up in about a half hour so I'm gonna go cuddle with him until then, and maybe get up and do some other stuff.

Here's a list that I just made of entertainment type things which I'm hoping will amuse me in the coming months:

Wednesday, September 23:
Glee 1x04 Preggers

Friday, September 25:
Dollhouse 2x01 Vows
Smallville 9x01 Savior

Sunday, September 27:
Desperate Housewives 6x01 Nice Is Different Than Good
Brothers & Sisters 4x01 The Road Ahead

Wenesday, September 30:
Glee 1x05 The Rhodes Not Taken

Thursday, October 1:
Star Trek: Voyager: Unworthy (book)

Friday, October 2:
Dollhouse 2x02 Belle Chose
Smallville 9x02 Metallo

Sunday, October 4:
Desperate Housewives 6x02 Being Alive
Brothers & Sisters 4x02 Breaking the News

Friday, October 9:
Dollhouse 2x03 Instinct
Smallville 9x03 Rabid

Wednesday, October 14:
Nip/Tuck 6x01 Andy Hoberman

Thursday, October 15:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x01 Prisoner of the Judoon, Part I

Friday, October 16:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x02 Prisoner of the Judoon, Part II
Dollhouse 2x04 Belonging
Smallville 9x04 Echo

Wednesday, October 21:
Nip/Tuck 6x02 Enigma

Thursday, October 22:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x03 The Mad Woman in the Attic, Part I
Star Trek: Enterprise: The Romulan War (book)

Friday, October 23:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x04 The Mad Woman in the Attic, Part II
Dollhouse 2x05 The Public Eye
Smallville 9x05 Roulette

Tuesday, October 27:
Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (Unrated Extended DVD)

Wednesday, October 28:
Nip/Tuck 6x03 Briggite Reinhart

Thursday, October 29:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x05 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith, Part I
Star Trek: Titan: Synthesis (book)

Friday, October 30:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x06 The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith, Part II
Dollhouse 2x06 The Left Hand
Smallville 9x06 Crossfire

Wednesday, November 4:
Nip/Tuck 6x04 Jenny Juggs

Thursday, November 5:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x07 The Eternity Trap, Part I

Friday, November 6:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x08 The Eternity Trap, Part II
Smallville 9x07 Kandor

Tuesday, November 10:
The Sarah Jane Adventures - The Complete Second Series (DVD)

Wednesday, November 11:
Nip/Tuck 6x05 Abigail Sullivan

Thursday, November 12:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x09 Mona Lisa's Revenge, Part I

Friday, November 13:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x10 Mona Lisa's Revenge, Part II
Smallville 9x08 Idol

Wednesday, November 18:
Battlestar Galactica: The Final Five (graphic novel)
Nip/Tuck 6x06 Alexis Stone

Thursday, November 19:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x11 The Gift, Part I

Friday, November 20:
The Sarah Jane Adventures 3x12 The Gift, Part II
Smallville 9x09 Pandora

Wednesday, November 25:
Nip/Tuck 6x07 Alexis Stone II

Monday, November 30:
Star Trek: Vanguard: Precipice (book)

November:
Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars

Wednesday, December 2:
Nip/Tuck 6x08 Lola Wagner

Tuesday, December 8:
Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince (DVD)

Wednesday, December 9:
Nip/Tuck 6x09 Benny Anderson

Wednesday, December 16:
Nip/Tuck 6x10 Wesley Clovis

December:
Doctor Who: Dreamland (animated)
Doctor Who: ???
Doctor Who: The End of Time (10 Regenerates)

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:24 AM
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I've accomplished nearly nothing today. It feels like the day is both going very slowly, and very quickly. I read a scrap from my book. I took a very short nap. I worked on Michael's farm. I accidentally signed into his yahoo account (apparently). It's just a very low key, nothing happening, deadly dull day.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:36 PM
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   Saturday, September 19, 2009

Friday night picked up some steam. Mark cleaned the kitchen. I had several revealing conversatons with friends and family. Michael joined us, and we cleared the kitchen and watched him work. He made mashed potatoes for me (which I enjoyed) and then made this banana / vanilla desert for the BBQ. It was fun to watch and laugh and play. Things between us are so strange right now, so terrifying, yet so wonderful. It's like we're seeing each other for the first time, with new eyes. I'm cherishing every moment.

After all that we retired to my room. We cuddled most of the night, though Mollie woke us with a welcomed phone call, which allowed us to touch base and listen to each other's problems. I don't know how long we talked but by the end of it I was feeling pretty good, and I hope she felt a little better too. I took my prilosec and chilled for a bit, then rejoined Michael for more cuddle time around 5am.

I woke up around 9am and worked on one of my random lists (Caprica / BSG episodes) which was fun for me. lol. I'm such a dork. Then I wrote this. I took a break during the writing of this to makeout with my guy. We're doing really well right now.

Oh. I forgot that I (or rather we all) also tried this chocolate flavored tofu last night, and it's like chocolate pudding, but so good for you! I'm gonna try mixing it in a shake tonight! :-0)

Back to Michael cuddles for a bit, then off to get my results. (wish us luck)

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:00 AM
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Cuddled with Michael. Played it safe. Showered. Now getting ready for the results. I'm nervous. And this is only the beginning. I asked Michael in the shower if this is really what he wants: a life with only just me and he said yes, in multiple ways, and says he's tired of answering that question. But I only want to be sure because after these 3 months (if all goes well) I'm going to expect that forever and I just want him to be sure of his decision.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:54 AM
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